₦airaland Forum

DevGuru, out of curiosity, did you tell her not to tell her sisters about you finding out?

That aside, you are truly a matured man. To still forgive after everything? Wow! Peeps have killed each other for less offense.

To reiterate some points:
- Make multiple copies of the recordings (store in multiple places).
- Ask your wife how you might have offended her to warrant that action.
- Take your wife on a vacation to start the healing process.
- Sleep with one eye opened.

Also, you have to be able to discern whether your wife is remorseful of what she did or because she was found out. Those two scenarios differ greatly.

You still have a lot of work to do. You need to dig deep to find out WHY so as not to end up dead or gravely injured. Because, for a group of people (especially ones wife) to have that much hatred towards you for no apparent reason(s), then DevGuru, you need to WATCH and PRAY.

Good Lord, what manner of man is this? so people like this still exist? how can a man forgive something this grave like it's nothing? I seriously doubt I would've been able to stomach this act or go as far as forgiving everybody, some of who insulted my mother and health challenge. It's hard to imagine.

DevGuru you have taught me something today. May you continue to grow in wisdom and strength of the Lord. Wish you a blissful, peaceful marriage.

Wow. Devguru, only God knows the amount of time i've spent refreshing your profile to get updates

i must really commend you for taking time to think before acting at the most critical moment... You're a man with a forgiving spirit and a high level of maturity.. I'm very happy the way things has turned out now

and i loved the part you said 'Your faith forbids marrying another wife after divorce'


God bless you sire!


****SideNote: I love the way you write, come teach me abeg

[quote author=Marvel1206 post=47347096]Wow. Devguru, only God knows the amount of time i've spent refreshing your profile to get updates

and i loved the part you said 'Your faith forbids marrying another wife after divorce'

Lol, so I get partner for this act . I refreshed his profile so many times too, in fact it was through refreshing that I saw that he has updated another one ooooo .

repogirl:
lol, Devil don suffer sha!

As in ehn!

[quote author=Prettiepearlz post=47347219][/quote]lol.. Na so my sister

kpolli:
I strongly believe in forgiving people and I appreciate brave men like you who decide to do it in such a difficult scenario. I have only one rule when forgiving and I advise you to apply the same; ask them why they did all these (not it was the devil answer) and if they can't give you a genuine reason, don't forgive..... I have been there, it's better to know what sparked all these....

Lots of people ask for forgiveness without explaining or changing their rationality and end up going back to the same sin.

Lol, this got me laughing real hard especially the devil part. The devil sef Don suffer from Nigerians, there are always calling his name for all their crimes

Marvel1206:
Wow. Devguru, only God knows the amount of time i've spent refreshing your profile to get updates

****SideNote: I love the way you write, come teach me abeg

As in enh, he even incorporated elements of suspense in his narration. The guy needs to write for Hints and Hearts

Ishilove:
As in enh, he even incorporated elements of suspense in his narration. The guy needs to write for Hints and Hearts

like seriously... I love Good writers

even if you're ugly, as long as you're a good writer, i will love you

Devguru, you did well, thumbs up. A person like me can't take what happened to you, the lady dey comot for house straight, cos i have seen how females are. Make sure you are at alert, be vigilant, sleep with one eye open and dont discard this thread, we will still want to know how you are pushing on with your family bro. We want more updates from you monthly, yearly so on. You have really molded yourself as a great example to follow plus you write well. Ciao.

Marvel1206:
like seriously... I love Good writers

even if you're ugly, as long as you're a good writer, i will love you

.
It's because you are ugly.

oyetpel:
. It's because you are ugly.

lol.. Course not!

Devguru do you know the reason/s why they all suddenly ganged up against you?
I hope that you do find out so that history does not repeat itself

Please do carry out a DNA test on your daughter; they may know something that you don't. Very important. Either way the results pan out, it will help put some things to rest.

At the very least do a sperm analysis on yourself so you know the real status of your fertility

The fact that they immediately begged and apologised rather than call your bluff if you had been maltreating their sister or they had another concrete reason, suggests that whatever it is that caused this is not something for joe public consumption but a deep seated family reason/secret.

All the best

Ishilove:
You are a very rare man and your wife is so lucky to have you. It is unfortunate she is taking you for granted.

I pray God completely heals your marriage

You can say that again. I still don't understand the motive of the wife's sisters by influencing her to be rude and disrespectful to her husband to the extent of ridiculing him.

I just can't wrap my head around it.

The wife should give herself brain! I won't be surprised to know the rubbish advice they were giving her haven't been tried by them on their husbands.

You know some like to dish out advice they don't have the guts to try out.

DevGuru, you are a good man filled with Godly wisdom. Stay blessed.

Your wife just doesn't know how lucky she is to have you in her life. If it were it be another man, the marriage would have been OVER!

Hmm.... Strange but true... Please you need more prayers now than ever... Those sisters will not be happy the way things turnout... They may be planning "remote" sinister move... Please be on guard... Your daughter, unborn child and wife are not exempted from this possible plot... Thank God you are a Christian... You need some fasting and praying to ward off any attempted attempts.... I pray for you that as God delivered them into your hands in the first place... So shall it be all through your life... You will need to do more than you were doing to boost the confidence of your wife and make her healed... God bless you my brother... Really proud of you... Interesting life lesson... I had to share this story with my wife... So she can learn as I am learning...

I am super excited that you told your Pa, sir. Secondly, your wife is damn lucky. Maybe you are her angel. Third, you are a good man, and I'm happy you didn't let the devil have his way. Perhaps, you're smarter than some of us. I don't know. I was one of the people that screamed divorce, reason being that experience has taught me to run, forgiveness has left me burned! Still everyone's journey in life is different, so I definitely respect your wisdom and your decision. My mum taught me to forgive, but never forget. That is, never put your guards down. I still will never know what made your wife do what she did. Like at a calmer day or time, try to have her tell you her rationality. I'm a curious type, I studied psychology, so I'm always interested in understanding people. Please ask your wife how was she able to justify the whole brouhaha, what started it. Perhaps, you've wronged her unknowingly in the past. Please try to find these things out. Doesn't mean you don't forgive, at least just know it, and that way, history won't repeat itself. Another thing, please forgive what I'm about to say. However, I believe you should do a DNA test on your baby girl. Just to clarify things. Even if God forbid, you're not the biological father, I still consider you her father and she,your daughter. That should never stop you from loving the baby girl . Lastly, pray with your wife. Read the word of God together. Unlike how many Nigerians think, I'm not advising you to be following doctrines that are borne out of fanatism, but that of which is the love of God. I'm a Christian, but I pray in my own way. I don't go to church every Sunday because I believe I'm in a relationship with God. And it is my heart and its contents that matters to my maker. The bible says that by their fruit you shall know them. You sir, have proven that you are of God. You've have proven that your relationship with God is on a very different level, and I so much respect that. And, I'm sure God is pleased with you. Due to your actions. I believe God will continue to watch your back. The word of God says the woman should respect her husband, and the man should love his wife. You have truly done your part and I pray your wife realizes this. I pray that the Lord will open her eyes.

I believe men are nurturers and a woman is meant to be nurtured. You build a woman with love, out of love, for love. . Yup! That's my take. God himself is love, he represents love. I believe a man or a woman is not fully capable of loving the other, and each rely on their internal strength and that of God to be able to fully reach the capacity of loving one another. Therefore, there needs to be a strong relationship with God. May God help y'all. Overall, I'm excited everything is cool. I pray God continues to grant your wife wisdom and knowledge. And may his love for her never seize. Cause I believe that out of love for her, God used you her husband to expose the plot and works of the devil concerning her life. Yup! 'What God has put together, let no man put asunder ', so says the word of God. The devil manifests himself in so many ways. He was about to use what your wife loves most(her family) as a door way into your home, and indirectly into her life, your life, and the innocent baby girl. Let us be wiser and smarter.

People! With all that I've stated thus far, I still have ZERO tolerance for any form of ABUSE. Sometimes, God will try to remove us from situations. Everyone's case is different, so people, no not apply this case to yours! If you feel your life is in danger, please leave such an environment! I'm done...

DevGuru




post=47343949:
UPDATE!!!

I must confess that Nairaland is a wonderful online community. In these trying times of mine, the only thing that has kept my head intact is the company I have here reading all comments. I would have revealed much more information about us especially for the sake of those who have expressed their doubts about the veracity of my story, but I can't, because I wouldn't want to provide some pointers for anyone on this forum who might know any of my wife's relatives or mine. Although I got several diverse opinions, all comments still depicted the kindness in the the hearts of the commenters. Even those who called me stupid for not being too hard on my wife did so because they feared I could lose my life - a high level of kindness which I appreciate a lot. Even the opinions I did not follow on this thread still served a purpose of enlarging the pool of options from which I was able to make a choice. I expect much more expressions of disappointment towards my folly (if deciding not to go for a divorce for the sake of my child, the unborn and the fact that my faith forbids me from marrying another woman if I choose not to live with her anymore).

On the morning following my last update, my wife's depression continued but I tried to act like a loving husband towards her. I could read in her face that the more I tried to be kind towards her, the greater the emotional torment she passed through because she found it hard to believe that I could forgive her. Maybe she even thought I was planning a brutal revenge, but this time, not against her alone but against her sisters. She could not imagine the extent of my actions if I was to execute her thoughts. In the evening, as we were having dinner, she started talking softly to me while looking at the food on the table. I had to tell her to speak louder because it was like she was talking to the food. Then she voiced out as tears rolled down her cheeks saying "I've informed all my siblings about our conversations that got leaked to you and they are not talking to me again". I asked her why they were not talking to her and she said they all must have been confused and I understood that to be because they did not know what my next move would be. Married adults of ages between 35 - 45 were running helter-skelter because they had just ruined their sister's marriage. Their ONLY hope was in my forgiveness. The Lord had suddenly delivered my 'enemies' into my hands and if I chose to wield my sword, they might have to relocate away from their home town because the extended family would know the shameful story that threw their last born out of marriage. I told my wife that seeing her crying for the misery of her sisters was annoying to me as it meant she was further betraying our home. Then I picked her phone on the dinning table to check whether the records were still there... lo and behold... everything was gone. Even the app itself had been uninstalled. I smiled and asked her why she cleared the calls and the app, she replied (crying further) "I just can't listen to the evil voices of myself and my sisters". I smiled again and asked "What about the app? You don't want me to ever hear anything again? She replied "No, I just wished to clear everything that could bring bring back the memory". Then I opened my laptop and navigated to a folder where I had copied all the conversations. I played one and she was shocked to hear it even louder than it was on the the phone. Her fears had just been confirmed... "Why was he pretending that he had forgiven me..." - just my own thought anyways. But truly, I had forgiven her, I was just trying to follow some wise counsel from Nairaland. She couldn't wait till the end, she left me with the food and walked to the bedroom. I slept on the living room couch that night.

The following morning, I continued to read comments on this thread and remembered I was sitting on a time bomb by keeping the whole thing to myself. I went to have my bath and told her I was going out. She was surprised because it was a public holiday. I was already on the road when I called my father that I needed to see him urgently. Luckily for me, he was at home, so I went straight to him and explained all that had happened to him while I played some 'music'. He praised me for taking the matter to him first because he knows we are all closer to mum and revealing such an issue to mum would mean an end - or at most, the beginning of the end. My dad respects my wife's parents a lot and would not like me to take them to their knees on this issue. He spoke with me at length. He said my wife was a good lady but the reason she was so vulnerable was because of her position in the family and that the sisters weren't so lucky this time. He advised me to get closer to my wife so that a natural distance could evolve between her and her sisters. He then begged me never tell my wife that I had revealed the matter to any of my family members because that would be a strong way for me to prove my love to her which she would ever live to appreciate. After all talks, he asked me to call one of my wife's sisters' husbands right in his presence because he knew they (the husbands) must have been told a 'padded' story. I first used the FCMB Mobile App on my phone to load N3,000 before making the call. At the start, he was cold with me on the phone as if a rival was trying to ask for his girlfriend's best food. Later, he admitted that he was aware of all that happened and started all those Yoruba elders' talk... how he had never raised his hand to beat his wife, how he would always walk out, how he and his wife prayed together... bla bla bla. Then I told him I was going to terminate the call and forward some files to him on Whatsapp. I simply picked two of his own wife's conversation with my wife and forwarded to him, expecting him to call back. After about 30 minutes, my Dad told me to call back. I called twice before he answered. He became cold again and couldn't say anything but that his wife would call me soon. After about 1 hour and nothing happened, I had to leave, but my dad told me to carry him along. When I got home, I walked to the bedroom and met my wife on the phone but I did not know who she was speaking with. I returned to the living room and continued reading from my myriad of advisers on this thread.

Then the call came in. It was my wife's sister's voice (not the eldest one)... begging me to forgive and try to forget. She sounded like she was outdoors under the influence of some heavy downpour. I can't express the feeling at that moment but the only thing that I remembered was Proverbs 16:7. (apologies to the wonderful Muslims on this thread...). Even though she didn't believe me, I forgave her. Then the husband collected the phone from her and spoke with me at length... apologising on behalf of the entire family. The major point he kept re-iterating was that I should not let my people know...

All the while, several other simultaneous calls were on. My wife's family members were calling one another while some also called my wife to know the extent of what I got hold of. Interestingly, the first born (who advised my wife to keep a separate account) had also been hinted and had run to their parents to open up to them. She could imagine the level of shame that was coming to her - A PhD holder who is the family's Senior Adviser on every issue. Her parents called her husband to join them immediately as he was their only front soldier who could speak to me. Suddenly, the first born's husband's call came in. He pleaded that he would not like us to revisit the ugly situation but that I was the only one that could save the entire family from the mess by forgiving everyone. He stated that he had been told everything that was done to me and he would like me to honour him and reverse my war order - this was when I confirmed that they had been speaking to my wife. He showered prayers on me while I remained aggressive in my AMEN responses (as if to let them know I was neutralising their spells on me). He promised to call my wife and warn her never to discuss her family issues again with any of her sisters. He also begged me severally never to reveal it to my people as it would mean a reversal to the beginning. Although he didn't give me the impression that my wife's parents were with him - my wife told me this later...

At night, my wife came to kneel down by my side to make her own pleading. I was very glad because the whole ambience was like the clear sky devoid of any cloudy covering after a thunderous rain. I spoke softly to her and began to re-iterate my ideals to her - it was a good preaching time for me. Now everyone (including my wife) is praying that I do not decide to spill the whole thing out one day. My wife's eldest sister later called me that night to directly tender her own apology - at a time she had confirmed I wasn't going to be hostile anymore.

For me, I believe there's so much left for me to do on my wife. For anyone who has followed the recent events of my life which could have ended in a tragedy but for God's intervention and would love to give me some helpful ideas as I move forward, kindly drop your comments. I'll be very glad to read them.

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Yeah.... Paternity test is very imperative. Just wondering, could it be there is more to this you don't know? BTW women tend to get smarter once they are caught and doesn't necessarily change.... Be cautious.... Try going for a DNA...

vicchi12:
I am super excited that you told your Pa, sir. Secondly, your wife is damn lucky. Maybe you are her angel. Third, you are a good man, and I'm happy you didn't let the devil have his way. Perhaps, you're smarter than some of us. I don't know. I was one of the people that screamed divorce, reason being that experience has taught me to run, forgiveness has left me burned! Still everyone's journey in life is different, so I definitely respect your wisdom and your decision. My mum taught me to forgive, but never forget. That is, never put your guards down. I still will never know what made your wife do what she did. Like at a calmer day or time, try to have her tell you her rationality. I'm a curious type, I studied psychology, so I'm always interested in understanding people. Please ask your wife how was she able to justify the whole brouhaha, what started it. Perhaps, you've wronged her unknowingly in the past. Please try to find these things out. Doesn't mean you don't forgive, at least just know it, and that way, history won't repeat itself. Another thing, please forgive what I'm about to say. However, I believe you should do a DNA test on your baby girl. Just to clarify things. Even if God forbid, you're not the biological father, I still consider you her father and she,your daughter. That should never stop you from loving the baby girl . Lastly, pray with your wife. Read the word of God together. Unlike how many Nigerians think, I'm not advising you to be following doctrines that are borne out of fanatism, but that of which is the love of God. I'm a Christian, but I pray in my own way. I don't go to church every Sunday because I believe I'm in a relationship with God. And it is my heart and its contents that matters to my maker. The bible says that by their fruit you shall know them. You sir, have proven that you are of God. You've have proven that your relationship with God is on a very different level, and I so much respect that. And, I'm sure God is pleased with you. Due to your actions. I believe God will continue to watch your back. The word of God says the woman should respect her husband, and the man should love his wife. You have truly done your part and I pray your wife realizes this. I pray that the Lord will open her eyes.

I believe men are nurturers and a woman is meant to be nurtured. You build a woman with love, out of love, for love. . Yup! That's my take. God himself is love, he represents love. I believe a man or a woman is not fully capable of loving the other, and each rely on their internal strength and that of God to be able to fully reach the capacity of loving one another. Therefore, there needs to be a strong relationship with God. May God help y'all. Overall, I'm excited everything is cool. I pray God continues to grant your wife wisdom and knowledge. And may his love for her never seize. Cause I believe that out of love for her, God used you her husband to expose the plot and works of the devil concerning her life. Yup! 'What God has put together, let no man put asunder ', so says the word of God. The devil manifests himself in so many ways. He was about to use what your wife loves most(her family) as a door way into your home, and indirectly into her life, your life, and the innocent baby girl. Let us be wiser and smarter.

People! With all that I've stated thus far, I still have ZERO tolerance for any form of ABUSE. Sometimes, God will try to remove us from situations. Everyone's case is different, so people, no not apply this case to yours! If you feel your life is in danger, please leave such an environment! I'm done...

*smiling*the elders have spoken, and I was personally able 2 learn Somethings from ur story.. let God give you the wisdom 2 further put ur enemies 2 shame... I can c from ur write up, that everything is in d past now... 2 God be d glory!! u shall not be put 2 shame... a blissful marriage I wish you.. don't stop been careful and use ur head.

vicchi12:
I am super excited that you told your Pa, sir. Secondly, your wife is damn lucky. Maybe you are her angel. Third, you are a good man, and I'm happy you didn't let the devil have his way. Perhaps, you're smarter than some of us. I don't know. I was one of the people that screamed divorce, reason being that experience has taught me to run, forgiveness has left me burned! Still everyone's journey in life is different, so I definitely respect your wisdom and your decision. My mum taught me to forgive, but never forget. That is, never put your guards down. I still will never know what made your wife do what she did. Like at a calmer day or time, try to have her tell you her rationality. I'm a curious type, I studied psychology, so I'm always interested in understanding people. Please ask your wife how was she able to justify the whole brouhaha, what started it. Perhaps, you've wronged her unknowingly in the past. Please try to find these things out. Doesn't mean you don't forgive, at least just know it, and that way, history won't repeat itself. Another thing, please forgive what I'm about to say. However, I believe you should do a DNA test on your baby girl. Just to clarify things. Even if God forbid, you're not the biological father, I still consider you her father and she,your daughter. That should never stop you from loving the baby girl . Lastly, pray with your wife. Read the word of God together. Unlike how many Nigerians think, I'm not advising you to be following doctrines that are borne out of fanatism, but that of which is the love of God. I'm a Christian, but I pray in my own way. I don't go to church every Sunday because I believe I'm in a relationship with God. And it is my heart and its contents that matters to my maker. The bible says that by their fruit you shall know them. You sir, have proven that you are of God. You've have proven that your relationship with God is on a very different level, and I so much respect that. And, I'm sure God is pleased with you. Due to your actions. I believe God will continue to watch your back. The word of God says the woman should respect her husband, and the man should love his wife. You have truly done your part and I pray your wife realizes this. I pray that the Lord will open her eyes.

I believe men are nurturers and a woman is meant to be nurtured. You build a woman with love, out of love, for love. . Yup! That's my take. God himself is love, he represents love. I believe a man or a woman is not fully capable of loving the other, and each rely on their internal strength and that of God to be able to fully reach the capacity of loving one another. Therefore, there needs to be a strong relationship with God. May God help y'all. Overall, I'm excited everything is cool. I pray God continues to grant your wife wisdom and knowledge. And may his love for her never seize. Cause I believe that out of love for her, God used you her husband to expose the plot and works of the devil concerning her life. Yup! 'What God has put together, let no man put asunder ', so says the word of God. The devil manifests himself in so many ways. He was about to use what your wife loves most(her family) as a door way into your home, and indirectly into her life, your life, and the innocent baby girl. Let us be wiser and smarter.

People! With all that I've stated thus far, I still have ZERO tolerance for any form of ABUSE. Sometimes, God will try to remove us from situations. Everyone's case is different, so people, no not apply this case to yours! If you feel your life is in danger, please leave such an environment! I'm done...

You're done, but girlo you can type o.

Ishilove:
But seriously DevGuru, I think they got off too lightly. Fine you've forgiven them but you for shakara them small.

When they call you ask them what your offence is. Will they be calling you if they had not been caught? They hold you and your mum in disdain that's why they kept filling your wife's head with rubbish, and wife sef is idle, that's why she has the time to allow herself be easily manipulated.

Abeg if they call again, tell them you've forgiven them, but as kpolli stated, ask them your offence. Why did they hate you so much that they tried to discredit you before your parents? Ask them your offence and let them know that a repetition of such rubbish will mean trouble for them as you will go to CNN to announce their fvck up. Tell them your not happy with them, but for the sake of peace you'll let it slide. You're a man who loves his wife but that doesn't mean your spineless.

Respectfully let them know that the gentility of the tiger does not mean it is weak.

Don't let them get off so easy. Next time they will think twice before planning evil.

The only reason they apologised is because they were caught

Phew!


I'm so speechless....



May God help us all

DevGuru:
UPDATE!!!

I must confess that Nairaland is a wonderful online community. In these trying times of mine, the only thing that has kept my head intact is the company I have here reading all comments. I would have revealed much more information about us especially for the sake of those who have expressed their doubts about the veracity of my story, but I can't, because I wouldn't want to provide some pointers for anyone on this forum who might know any of my wife's relatives or mine. Although I got several diverse opinions, all comments still depicted the kindness in the the hearts of the commenters. Even those who called me stupid for not being too hard on my wife did so because they feared I could lose my life - a high level of kindness which I appreciate a lot. Even the opinions I did not follow on this thread still served a purpose of enlarging the pool of options from which I was able to make a choice. I expect much more expressions of disappointment towards my folly (for deciding not to go for a divorce for the sake of my child, the unborn and the fact that my faith forbids me from marrying another woman if I choose not to live with her anymore).

On the morning following my last update, my wife's depression continued but I tried to act like a loving husband towards her. I could read in her face that the more I tried to be kind towards her, the greater the emotional torment she passed through because she found it hard to believe that I could forgive her. Maybe she even thought I was planning a brutal revenge, but this time, not against her alone but against her sisters. She could not imagine the extent of my actions if I was to execute her thoughts. In the evening, as we were having dinner, she started talking softly to me while looking at the food on the table. I had to tell her to speak louder because it was like she was talking to the food. Then she voiced out as tears rolled down her cheeks saying "I've informed all my siblings about our conversations that got leaked to you and they are not talking to me again". I asked her why they were not talking to her and she said they all must have been confused and I understood that to be because they did not know what my next move would be. Married adults of ages between 35 - 45 were running helter-skelter because they had just ruined their sister's marriage. Their ONLY hope was in my forgiveness. The Lord had suddenly delivered my 'enemies' into my hands and if I chose to wield my sword, they might have to relocate away from their home town because the extended family would know the shameful story that threw their last born out of marriage. I told my wife that seeing her crying for the misery of her sisters was annoying to me as it meant she was further betraying our home. Then I picked her phone on the dinning table to check whether the records were still there... lo and behold... everything was gone. Even the app itself had been uninstalled. I smiled and asked her why she cleared the calls and the app, she replied (crying further) "I just can't listen to the evil voices of myself and my sisters". I smiled again and asked "What about the app? You don't want me to ever hear anything again? She replied "No, I just wished to clear everything that could bring bring back the memory". Then I opened my laptop and navigated to a folder where I had copied all the conversations. I played one and she was shocked to hear it even louder than it was on the the phone. Her fears had just been confirmed... "Why was he pretending that he had forgiven me..." - just my own thought anyways. But truly, I had forgiven her, I was just trying to follow some wise counsel from Nairaland. She couldn't wait till the end, she left me with the food and walked to the bedroom. I slept on the living room couch that night.

The following morning, I continued to read comments on this thread and remembered I was sitting on a time bomb by keeping the whole thing to myself. I went to have my bath and told her I was going out. She was surprised because it was a public holiday. I was already on the road when I called my father that I needed to see him urgently. Luckily for me, he was at home, so I went straight to him and explained all that had happened to him while I played some 'music'. He praised me for taking the matter to him first because he knows we are all closer to mum and revealing such an issue to mum would mean an end - or at most, the beginning of the end. My dad respects my wife's parents a lot and would not like me to take them to their knees on this issue. He spoke with me at length. He said my wife was a good lady but the reason she was so vulnerable was because of her position in the family and that the sisters weren't so lucky this time. He advised me to get closer to my wife so that a natural distance could evolve between her and her sisters. He then begged me never tell my wife that I had revealed the matter to any of my family members because that would be a strong way for me to prove my love to her which she would ever live to appreciate. After all talks, he asked me to call one of my wife's sisters' husbands right in his presence because he knew they (the husbands) must have been told a 'padded' story. I first used the FCMB Mobile App on my phone to load N3,000 before making the call. At the start, he was cold with me on the phone as if a rival was trying to ask for his girlfriend's best food. Later, he admitted that he was aware of all that happened and started all those Yoruba elders' talk... how he had never raised his hand to beat his wife, how he would always walk out, how he and his wife prayed together... bla bla bla. Then I told him I was going to terminate the call and forward some files to him on Whatsapp. I simply picked two of his own wife's conversation with my wife and forwarded to him, expecting him to call back. After about 30 minutes, my Dad told me to call back. I called twice before he answered. He became cold again and couldn't say anything but that his wife would call me soon. After about 1 hour and nothing happened, I had to leave, but my dad told me to carry him along. When I got home, I walked to the bedroom and met my wife on the phone but I did not know who she was speaking with. I returned to the living room and continued reading from my myriad of advisers on this thread.

Then the call came in. It was my wife's sister's voice (not the eldest one)... begging me to forgive and try to forget. She sounded like she was outdoors under the influence of some heavy downpour. I can't express the feeling at that moment but the only thing that I remembered was Proverbs 16:7. (apologies to the wonderful Muslims on this thread...). Even though she didn't believe me, I forgave her. Then the husband collected the phone from her and spoke with me at length... apologising on behalf of the entire family. The major point he kept re-iterating was that I should not let my people know...

All the while, several other simultaneous calls were on. My wife's family members were calling one another while some also called my wife to know the extent of what I got hold of. Interestingly, the first born (who advised my wife to keep a separate account) had also been hinted and had run to their parents to open up to them. She could imagine the level of shame that was coming to her - A PhD holder who is the family's Senior Adviser on every issue. Her parents called her husband to join them immediately as he was their only front soldier who could speak to me. Suddenly, the first born's husband's call came in. He pleaded that he would not like us to revisit the ugly situation but that I was the only one that could save the entire family from the mess by forgiving everyone. He stated that he had been told everything that was done to me and he would like me to honour him and reverse my war order - this was when I confirmed that they had been speaking to my wife. He showered prayers on me while I remained aggressive in my AMEN responses (as if to let them know I was neutralising their spells on me). He promised to call my wife and warn her never to discuss her family issues again with any of her sisters. He also begged me severally never to reveal it to my people as it would mean a reversal to the beginning. Although he didn't give me the impression that my wife's parents were with him - my wife told me this later...

At night, my wife came to kneel down by my side to make her own pleading. I was very glad because the whole ambience was like the clear sky devoid of any cloudy covering after a thunderous rain. I spoke softly to her and began to re-iterate my ideals to her - it was a good preaching time for me. Now everyone (including my wife) is praying that I do not decide to spill the whole thing out one day. My wife's eldest sister later called me that night to directly tender her own apology - at a time she had confirmed I wasn't going to be hostile anymore.

For me, I believe there's so much left for me to do on my wife. For anyone who has followed the recent events of my life which could have ended in a tragedy but for God's intervention and would love to give me some helpful ideas as I move forward, kindly drop your comments. I'll be very glad to read them.

Cc: ezechueze, Mafking, AccidentalGenius, RadicallyBlunt, ojun50, GoldenJAT, olempe, LuveU2, goldbim, phabulous88, pharmagba, 2goodbobo, PezzoNovante, marvelous000, Tritri, IRserveMyComent, AlienStar, STENON, krak101, AccidentalGenius, danduchi, samsam2019, uchedydy, Ruemufaith, sashishalom, ednut1, bakynes, sumborr, general111, byvan03, obiak4, Eketem, obiak4, emekachimek, elektra, priceaction, segzy0i, MizzD, richyfunky, bellong, nnamdibig, Timbuktou, TheArchangel, tearoses, andromida, HaneefahRN, TV01, Amelian, WellEndowed, Jethrolite, baeboo, trishapal, drss, Donemmy, Ujoan, pcguru1, Tochex101, pastorpussy, crackhaus, ranktzy, cococandy, mysticgal, toksbisola, Okikiki, succourplanet, Darla, ummeey, kaboninc, BiggyB242, Ishilove, mac04, mysticgal, ummeey, kaboninc, BiggyB242, yetseyi, Spydamannn, YourCoffin, peeparty, fem29, Pyno30, mylove4him, Petroking, ISpiksDaTroof, Elebiju, rosy1992, babayega, repogirl, jajainall, Contact17, packagerz, tete7000, MrD2, Taryur3, ahahnow, saintdennis, Marvel1206, olaarie, DICKtator, Insel, Wealthy15, DeRay98, Freeezzz, igbsam, danduchi, freecocoa, dissybling, CoCoLav, Ioannes, ify84, Almajiri1, Beey, emyreal1010, laikas, greatwhite, Biographyroom, FxDuke, Irishrena1, Totfulguy, Lescalier, freedomm, chronique, LUV1, buksaylor001, papinx, toye440, lovaleenny, 0ubenji, ekeroyal, teemy, goodgate, Luckygurl, compujyde, DonX001, yoged, meetdavid, teemy, newecop, solobenzo, Tunechi1, amacastel, luckyehis, igbsam, vicchi12, frozenSun, sweatlana, taemilola, DonX001, Totfulguy, luisina, Fawklicant, Silvofitz, binarykid, keke87, oyetpel, saasala, Mskrisx, Exlusive, borngeologist, ohynedar, Leorichy, Seamareggae, ephi123, NifemiOlu, uplawal, WellEndowed, princeakins, Ronke001, sexy74, vicadex07, mirob, Elle277, tianshie, mylove4him, Chriso2, Seamareggae, dacillin, bj4jesus, pastorpussy, Themandator

I really don't know what to say for now but,I still insist that forgiveness shouldn't have come that easily-given the same scenario ,they will all repeat same.The gang up is worse now cause it won't be recorded.You have already known your wife's loyalty and it will never change.What you would have done with respect to forgiveness was to send her home for sometime let them beg from there before you forgive so that the enormity of the action would be felt.But in as much as you allowed it to lie low,same will repeat or will happen again or has already started without your notice.

Forgiving,does it stop your mum from being a witch in their eye?
Does it replace your lost scrotum?
Does it stop your mum from changing her opinions about you as a wife beater?
Does it change anything?

The fact remains that you have already exhibited before now your weakness as a (wo)man to your wife.She knows how to manipulate you cause she knows you are weak and the family knows that you are insecure(you just proved that).You needed to assert your control on your home by taking a more drastic measure and put fear in the family and siblings not physically anyway but by resolving the issue head on.

You did well by forgiving which you ought to have done afterall but you went the wrong way,don't you have siblings and are you not a man to take some drastic decisions when you are expected as a man?You just make a grave mistake that will haunt you in time to come,mark my words-

DevGuru:
UPDATE!!!

I must confess that Nairaland is a wonderful online community. In these trying times of mine, the only thing that has kept my head intact is the company I have here reading all comments. I would have revealed much more information about us especially for the sake of those who have expressed their doubts about the veracity of my story, but I can't, because I wouldn't want to provide some pointers for anyone on this forum who might know any of my wife's relatives or mine. Although I got several diverse opinions, all comments still depicted the kindness in the the hearts of the commenters. Even those who called me stupid for not being too hard on my wife did so because they feared I could lose my life - a high level of kindness which I appreciate a lot. Even the opinions I did not follow on this thread still served a purpose of enlarging the pool of options from which I was able to make a choice. I expect much more expressions of disappointment towards my folly (for deciding not to go for a divorce for the sake of my child, the unborn and the fact that my faith forbids me from marrying another woman if I choose not to live with her anymore).

On the morning following my last update, my wife's depression continued but I tried to act like a loving husband towards her. I could read in her face that the more I tried to be kind towards her, the greater the emotional torment she passed through because she found it hard to believe that I could forgive her. Maybe she even thought I was planning a brutal revenge, but this time, not against her alone but against her sisters. She could not imagine the extent of my actions if I was to execute her thoughts. In the evening, as we were having dinner, she started talking softly to me while looking at the food on the table. I had to tell her to speak louder because it was like she was talking to the food. Then she voiced out as tears rolled down her cheeks saying "I've informed all my siblings about our conversations that got leaked to you and they are not talking to me again". I asked her why they were not talking to her and she said they all must have been confused and I understood that to be because they did not know what my next move would be. Married adults of ages between 35 - 45 were running helter-skelter because they had just ruined their sister's marriage. Their ONLY hope was in my forgiveness. The Lord had suddenly delivered my 'enemies' into my hands and if I chose to wield my sword, they might have to relocate away from their home town because the extended family would know the shameful story that threw their last born out of marriage. I told my wife that seeing her crying for the misery of her sisters was annoying to me as it meant she was further betraying our home. Then I picked her phone on the dinning table to check whether the records were still there... lo and behold... everything was gone. Even the app itself had been uninstalled. I smiled and asked her why she cleared the calls and the app, she replied (crying further) "I just can't listen to the evil voices of myself and my sisters". I smiled again and asked "What about the app? You don't want me to ever hear anything again? She replied "No, I just wished to clear everything that could bring bring back the memory". Then I opened my laptop and navigated to a folder where I had copied all the conversations. I played one and she was shocked to hear it even louder than it was on the the phone. Her fears had just been confirmed... "Why was he pretending that he had forgiven me..." - just my own thought anyways. But truly, I had forgiven her, I was just trying to follow some wise counsel from Nairaland. She couldn't wait till the end, she left me with the food and walked to the bedroom. I slept on the living room couch that night.

The following morning, I continued to read comments on this thread and remembered I was sitting on a time bomb by keeping the whole thing to myself. I went to have my bath and told her I was going out. She was surprised because it was a public holiday. I was already on the road when I called my father that I needed to see him urgently. Luckily for me, he was at home, so I went straight to him and explained all that had happened to him while I played some 'music'. He praised me for taking the matter to him first because he knows we are all closer to mum and revealing such an issue to mum would mean an end - or at most, the beginning of the end. My dad respects my wife's parents a lot and would not like me to take them to their knees on this issue. He spoke with me at length. He said my wife was a good lady but the reason she was so vulnerable was because of her position in the family and that the sisters weren't so lucky this time. He advised me to get closer to my wife so that a natural distance could evolve between her and her sisters. He then begged me never tell my wife that I had revealed the matter to any of my family members because that would be a strong way for me to prove my love to her which she would ever live to appreciate. After all talks, he asked me to call one of my wife's sisters' husbands right in his presence because he knew they (the husbands) must have been told a 'padded' story. I first used the FCMB Mobile App on my phone to load N3,000 before making the call. At the start, he was cold with me on the phone as if a rival was trying to ask for his girlfriend's best food. Later, he admitted that he was aware of all that happened and started all those Yoruba elders' talk... how he had never raised his hand to beat his wife, how he would always walk out, how he and his wife prayed together... bla bla bla. Then I told him I was going to terminate the call and forward some files to him on Whatsapp. I simply picked two of his own wife's conversation with my wife and forwarded to him, expecting him to call back. After about 30 minutes, my Dad told me to call back. I called twice before he answered. He became cold again and couldn't say anything but that his wife would call me soon. After about 1 hour and nothing happened, I had to leave, but my dad told me to carry him along. When I got home, I walked to the bedroom and met my wife on the phone but I did not know who she was speaking with. I returned to the living room and continued reading from my myriad of advisers on this thread.

Then the call came in. It was my wife's sister's voice (not the eldest one)... begging me to forgive and try to forget. She sounded like she was outdoors under the influence of some heavy downpour. I can't express the feeling at that moment but the only thing that I remembered was Proverbs 16:7. (apologies to the wonderful Muslims on this thread...). Even though she didn't believe me, I forgave her. Then the husband collected the phone from her and spoke with me at length... apologising on behalf of the entire family. The major point he kept re-iterating was that I should not let my people know...

All the while, several other simultaneous calls were on. My wife's family members were calling one another while some also called my wife to know the extent of what I got hold of. Interestingly, the first born (who advised my wife to keep a separate account) had also been hinted and had run to their parents to open up to them. She could imagine the level of shame that was coming to her - A PhD holder who is the family's Senior Adviser on every issue. Her parents called her husband to join them immediately as he was their only front soldier who could speak to me. Suddenly, the first born's husband's call came in. He pleaded that he would not like us to revisit the ugly situation but that I was the only one that could save the entire family from the mess by forgiving everyone. He stated that he had been told everything that was done to me and he would like me to honour him and reverse my war order - this was when I confirmed that they had been speaking to my wife. He showered prayers on me while I remained aggressive in my AMEN responses (as if to let them know I was neutralising their spells on me). He promised to call my wife and warn her never to discuss her family issues again with any of her sisters. He also begged me severally never to reveal it to my people as it would mean a reversal to the beginning. Although he didn't give me the impression that my wife's parents were with him - my wife told me this later...

At night, my wife came to kneel down by my side to make her own pleading. I was very glad because the whole ambience was like the clear sky devoid of any cloudy covering after a thunderous rain. I spoke softly to her and began to re-iterate my ideals to her - it was a good preaching time for me. Now everyone (including my wife) is praying that I do not decide to spill the whole thing out one day. My wife's eldest sister later called me that night to directly tender her own apology - at a time she had confirmed I wasn't going to be hostile anymore.

For me, I believe there's so much left for me to do on my wife. For anyone who has followed the recent events of my life which could have ended in a tragedy but for God's intervention and would love to give me some helpful ideas as I move forward, kindly drop your comments. I'll be very glad to read them.

Oh my God, you are a real man. So mature.

buksaylor001:
I really don't know what to say for now but,I still insist that forgiveness shouldn't have come that easily-given the same scenario ,they will all repeat same.The gang up is worse now cause it won't be recorded.You have already known your wife's loyalty and it will never change.What you would have done with respect to forgiveness was to send her home for sometime let them beg from there before you forgive so that the enormity of the action would be felt.But in as much as you allowed it to lie low,same will repeat or will happen again or has already started without your notice.

Forgiving,does it stop your mum from being a witch in their eye?
Does it replace your lost scrotum?
Does it stop your mum from changing her opinions about you as a wife beater?
Does it change anything?

The fact remains that you have already exhibited before now your weakness as a (wo)man to your wife.She knows how to manipulate you cause she knows you are weak and the family knows that you are insecure(you just proved that).You needed to assert your control on your home by taking a more drastic measure and put fear in the family and siblings not physically anyway but by resolving the issue head on.

You did well by forgiving which you ought to have done afterall but you went the wrong way,don't you have siblings and are you not a man to take some drastic decisions when you are expected as a man?You just make a grave mistake that will haunt you in time to come,mark my words-

He is joking with his life... Forgiveness won't change the opinion of the Woman and her people and neither would it make them stop skimming.... For a while, everything would seem okay then they will open another front, this time more discreetly.

Imagine they all are telling guiding him on who not to disclose the issues to you.


This guy is Terrible. .. You now have an entire clan including in laws all monitoring you, believing that you are buying time to spring a surprise on them all.

Who wants his wife name and by extension his, soiled, nobody.. They will fear the worst would come from him someday

mira4u:
Oh my God, you are a real man. So mature.

I suspect you are a lady, that's how you people always wants to be treated when found out... His life is at stake and he has taken the wrong turn and you call him a mature man.

An Igbo adage say that when a woman is beating the drum for the man, watch it, he is about to jump the fence of life into that of the dead.

Why is the op shying away from DNA issue
Devguru what are you not telling us?
stop being so weak

Dude,I appreciate your forgiving nature. But you haven't acted like a man yet. Read my lips: "send that woman to stay with her parents for 3 weeks to 1 month". Don't tell her you're sending her away. Pack your things. And act like you guys are going to spend sometime. With. Them. After the first night,don't. Sleep there. Leave her there the. Next day and tell the parents she'd be living with them till further notice. I can bet my life. That they'd. Be dead scred of what you have up your sleeves. After they've spent 1 month begging,ask the parents to bring her back;don't go there to pick her. Yourself. I can bet that. Your wife will come. Back a better behaved person. You need to show the man in you,and what you're capable of doing. If they mess up next time. That's the only way they can respect you.

Nb: sorry for the way I typed. My keypad is acting up and malfunctioning.

DevGuru:
UPDATE!!!

I must confess that Nairaland is a wonderful online community. In these trying times of mine, the only thing that has kept my head intact is the company I have here reading all comments. I would have revealed much more information about us especially for the sake of those who have expressed their doubts about the veracity of my story, but I can't, because I wouldn't want to provide some pointers for anyone on this forum who might know any of my wife's relatives or mine. Although I got several diverse opinions, all comments still depicted the kindness in the the hearts of the commenters. Even those who called me stupid for not being too hard on my wife did so because they feared I could lose my life - a high level of kindness which I appreciate a lot. Even the opinions I did not follow on this thread still served a purpose of enlarging the pool of options from which I was able to make a choice. I expect much more expressions of disappointment towards my folly (for deciding not to go for a divorce for the sake of my child, the unborn and the fact that my faith forbids me from marrying another woman if I choose not to live with her anymore).

On the morning following my last update, my wife's depression continued but I tried to act like a loving husband towards her. I could read in her face that the more I tried to be kind towards her, the greater the emotional torment she passed through because she found it hard to believe that I could forgive her. Maybe she even thought I was planning a brutal revenge, but this time, not against her alone but against her sisters. She could not imagine the extent of my actions if I was to execute her thoughts. In the evening, as we were having dinner, she started talking softly to me while looking at the food on the table. I had to tell her to speak louder because it was like she was talking to the food. Then she voiced out as tears rolled down her cheeks saying "I've informed all my siblings about our conversations that got leaked to you and they are not talking to me again". I asked her why they were not talking to her and she said they all must have been confused and I understood that to be because they did not know what my next move would be. Married adults of ages between 35 - 45 were running helter-skelter because they had just ruined their sister's marriage. Their ONLY hope was in my forgiveness. The Lord had suddenly delivered my 'enemies' into my hands and if I chose to wield my sword, they might have to relocate away from their home town because the extended family would know the shameful story that threw their last born out of marriage. I told my wife that seeing her crying for the misery of her sisters was annoying to me as it meant she was further betraying our home. Then I picked her phone on the dinning table to check whether the records were still there... lo and behold... everything was gone. Even the app itself had been uninstalled. I smiled and asked her why she cleared the calls and the app, she replied (crying further) "I just can't listen to the evil voices of myself and my sisters". I smiled again and asked "What about the app? You don't want me to ever hear anything again? She replied "No, I just wished to clear everything that could bring bring back the memory". Then I opened my laptop and navigated to a folder where I had copied all the conversations. I played one and she was shocked to hear it even louder than it was on the the phone. Her fears had just been confirmed... "Why was he pretending that he had forgiven me..." - just my own thought anyways. But truly, I had forgiven her, I was just trying to follow some wise counsel from Nairaland. She couldn't wait till the end, she left me with the food and walked to the bedroom. I slept on the living room couch that night.

The following morning, I continued to read comments on this thread and remembered I was sitting on a time bomb by keeping the whole thing to myself. I went to have my bath and told her I was going out. She was surprised because it was a public holiday. I was already on the road when I called my father that I needed to see him urgently. Luckily for me, he was at home, so I went straight to him and explained all that had happened to him while I played some 'music'. He praised me for taking the matter to him first because he knows we are all closer to mum and revealing such an issue to mum would mean an end - or at most, the beginning of the end. My dad respects my wife's parents a lot and would not like me to take them to their knees on this issue. He spoke with me at length. He said my wife was a good lady but the reason she was so vulnerable was because of her position in the family and that the sisters weren't so lucky this time. He advised me to get closer to my wife so that a natural distance could evolve between her and her sisters. He then begged me never tell my wife that I had revealed the matter to any of my family members because that would be a strong way for me to prove my love to her which she would ever live to appreciate. After all talks, he asked me to call one of my wife's sisters' husbands right in his presence because he knew they (the husbands) must have been told a 'padded' story. I first used the FCMB Mobile App on my phone to load N3,000 before making the call. At the start, he was cold with me on the phone as if a rival was trying to ask for his girlfriend's best food. Later, he admitted that he was aware of all that happened and started all those Yoruba elders' talk... how he had never raised his hand to beat his wife, how he would always walk out, how he and his wife prayed together... bla bla bla. Then I told him I was going to terminate the call and forward some files to him on Whatsapp. I simply picked two of his own wife's conversation with my wife and forwarded to him, expecting him to call back. After about 30 minutes, my Dad told me to call back. I called twice before he answered. He became cold again and couldn't say anything but that his wife would call me soon. After about 1 hour and nothing happened, I had to leave, but my dad told me to carry him along. When I got home, I walked to the bedroom and met my wife on the phone but I did not know who she was speaking with. I returned to the living room and continued reading from my myriad of advisers on this thread.

Then the call came in. It was my wife's sister's voice (not the eldest one)... begging me to forgive and try to forget. She sounded like she was outdoors under the influence of some heavy downpour. I can't express the feeling at that moment but the only thing that I remembered was Proverbs 16:7. (apologies to the wonderful Muslims on this thread...). Even though she didn't believe me, I forgave her. Then the husband collected the phone from her and spoke with me at length... apologising on behalf of the entire family. The major point he kept re-iterating was that I should not let my people know...

All the while, several other simultaneous calls were on. My wife's family members were calling one another while some also called my wife to know the extent of what I got hold of. Interestingly, the first born (who advised my wife to keep a separate account) had also been hinted and had run to their parents to open up to them. She could imagine the level of shame that was coming to her - A PhD holder who is the family's Senior Adviser on every issue. Her parents called her husband to join them immediately as he was their only front soldier who could speak to me. Suddenly, the first born's husband's call came in. He pleaded that he would not like us to revisit the ugly situation but that I was the only one that could save the entire family from the mess by forgiving everyone. He stated that he had been told everything that was done to me and he would like me to honour him and reverse my war order - this was when I confirmed that they had been speaking to my wife. He showered prayers on me while I remained aggressive in my AMEN responses (as if to let them know I was neutralising their spells on me). He promised to call my wife and warn her never to discuss her family issues again with any of her sisters. He also begged me severally never to reveal it to my people as it would mean a reversal to the beginning. Although he didn't give me the impression that my wife's parents were with him - my wife told me this later...

At night, my wife came to kneel down by my side to make her own pleading. I was very glad because the whole ambience was like the clear sky devoid of any cloudy covering after a thunderous rain. I spoke softly to her and began to re-iterate my ideals to her - it was a good preaching time for me. Now everyone (including my wife) is praying that I do not decide to spill the whole thing out one day. My wife's eldest sister later called me that night to directly tender her own apology - at a time she had confirmed I wasn't going to be hostile anymore.

For me, I believe there's so much left for me to do on my wife. For anyone who has followed the recent events of my life which could have ended in a tragedy but for God's intervention and would love to give me some helpful ideas as I move forward, kindly drop your comments. I'll be very glad to read them.

Cc: ezechueze, Mafking, AccidentalGenius, RadicallyBlunt, ojun50, GoldenJAT, olempe, LuveU2, goldbim, phabulous88, pharmagba, 2goodbobo, PezzoNovante, marvelous000, Tritri, IRserveMyComent, AlienStar, STENON, krak101, AccidentalGenius, danduchi, samsam2019, uchedydy, Ruemufaith, sashishalom, ednut1, bakynes, sumborr, general111, byvan03, obiak4, Eketem, obiak4, emekachimek, elektra, priceaction, segzy0i, MizzD, richyfunky, bellong, nnamdibig, Timbuktou, TheArchangel, tearoses, andromida, HaneefahRN, TV01, Amelian, WellEndowed, Jethrolite, baeboo, trishapal, drss, Donemmy, Ujoan, pcguru1, Tochex101, pastorpussy, crackhaus, ranktzy, cococandy, mysticgal, toksbisola, Okikiki, succourplanet, Darla, ummeey, kaboninc, BiggyB242, Ishilove, mac04, mysticgal, ummeey, kaboninc, BiggyB242, yetseyi, Spydamannn, YourCoffin, peeparty, fem29, Pyno30, mylove4him, Petroking, ISpiksDaTroof, Elebiju, rosy1992, babayega, repogirl, jajainall, Contact17, packagerz, tete7000, MrD2, Taryur3, ahahnow, saintdennis, Marvel1206, olaarie, DICKtator, Insel, Wealthy15, DeRay98, Freeezzz, igbsam, danduchi, freecocoa, dissybling, CoCoLav, Ioannes, ify84, Almajiri1, Beey, emyreal1010, laikas, greatwhite, Biographyroom, FxDuke, Irishrena1, Totfulguy, Lescalier, freedomm, chronique, LUV1, buksaylor001, papinx, toye440, lovaleenny, 0ubenji, ekeroyal, teemy, goodgate, Luckygurl, compujyde, DonX001, yoged, meetdavid, teemy, newecop, solobenzo, Tunechi1, amacastel, luckyehis, igbsam, vicchi12, frozenSun, sweatlana, taemilola, DonX001, Totfulguy, luisina, Fawklicant, Silvofitz, binarykid, keke87, oyetpel, saasala, Mskrisx, Exlusive, borngeologist, ohynedar, Leorichy, Seamareggae, ephi123, NifemiOlu, uplawal, WellEndowed, princeakins, Ronke001, sexy74, vicadex07, mirob, Elle277, tianshie, mylove4him, Chriso2, Seamareggae, dacillin, bj4jesus, pastorpussy, Themandator

DevGuru:
UPDATE!!!

I must confess that Nairaland is a wonderful online community. In these trying times of mine, the only thing that has kept my head intact is the company I have here reading all comments. I would have revealed much more information about us especially for the sake of those who have expressed their doubts about the veracity of my story, but I can't, because I wouldn't want to provide some pointers for anyone on this forum who might know any of my wife's relatives or mine. Although I got several diverse opinions, all comments still depicted the kindness in the the hearts of the commenters. Even those who called me stupid for not being too hard on my wife did so because they feared I could lose my life - a high level of kindness which I appreciate a lot. Even the opinions I did not follow on this thread still served a purpose of enlarging the pool of options from which I was able to make a choice. I expect much more expressions of disappointment towards my folly (for deciding not to go for a divorce for the sake of my child, the unborn and the fact that my faith forbids me from marrying another woman if I choose not to live with her anymore).

On the morning following my last update, my wife's depression continued but I tried to act like a loving husband towards her. I could read in her face that the more I tried to be kind towards her, the greater the emotional torment she passed through because she found it hard to believe that I could forgive her. Maybe she even thought I was planning a brutal revenge, but this time, not against her alone but against her sisters. She could not imagine the extent of my actions if I was to execute her thoughts. In the evening, as we were having dinner, she started talking softly to me while looking at the food on the table. I had to tell her to speak louder because it was like she was talking to the food. Then she voiced out as tears rolled down her cheeks saying "I've informed all my siblings about our conversations that got leaked to you and they are not talking to me again". I asked her why they were not talking to her and she said they all must have been confused and I understood that to be because they did not know what my next move would be. Married adults of ages between 35 - 45 were running helter-skelter because they had just ruined their sister's marriage. Their ONLY hope was in my forgiveness. The Lord had suddenly delivered my 'enemies' into my hands and if I chose to wield my sword, they might have to relocate away from their home town because the extended family would know the shameful story that threw their last born out of marriage. I told my wife that seeing her crying for the misery of her sisters was annoying to me as it meant she was further betraying our home. Then I picked her phone on the dinning table to check whether the records were still there... lo and behold... everything was gone. Even the app itself had been uninstalled. I smiled and asked her why she cleared the calls and the app, she replied (crying further) "I just can't listen to the evil voices of myself and my sisters". I smiled again and asked "What about the app? You don't want me to ever hear anything again? She replied "No, I just wished to clear everything that could bring bring back the memory". Then I opened my laptop and navigated to a folder where I had copied all the conversations. I played one and she was shocked to hear it even louder than it was on the the phone. Her fears had just been confirmed... "Why was he pretending that he had forgiven me..." - just my own thought anyways. But truly, I had forgiven her, I was just trying to follow some wise counsel from Nairaland. She couldn't wait till the end, she left me with the food and walked to the bedroom. I slept on the living room couch that night.

The following morning, I continued to read comments on this thread and remembered I was sitting on a time bomb by keeping the whole thing to myself. I went to have my bath and told her I was going out. She was surprised because it was a public holiday. I was already on the road when I called my father that I needed to see him urgently. Luckily for me, he was at home, so I went straight to him and explained all that had happened to him while I played some 'music'. He praised me for taking the matter to him first because he knows we are all closer to mum and revealing such an issue to mum would mean an end - or at most, the beginning of the end. My dad respects my wife's parents a lot and would not like me to take them to their knees on this issue. He spoke with me at length. He said my wife was a good lady but the reason she was so vulnerable was because of her position in the family and that the sisters weren't so lucky this time. He advised me to get closer to my wife so that a natural distance could evolve between her and her sisters. He then begged me never tell my wife that I had revealed the matter to any of my family members because that would be a strong way for me to prove my love to her which she would ever live to appreciate. After all talks, he asked me to call one of my wife's sisters' husbands right in his presence because he knew they (the husbands) must have been told a 'padded' story. I first used the FCMB Mobile App on my phone to load N3,000 before making the call. At the start, he was cold with me on the phone as if a rival was trying to ask for his girlfriend's best food. Later, he admitted that he was aware of all that happened and started all those Yoruba elders' talk... how he had never raised his hand to beat his wife, how he would always walk out, how he and his wife prayed together... bla bla bla. Then I told him I was going to terminate the call and forward some files to him on Whatsapp. I simply picked two of his own wife's conversation with my wife and forwarded to him, expecting him to call back. After about 30 minutes, my Dad told me to call back. I called twice before he answered. He became cold again and couldn't say anything but that his wife would call me soon. After about 1 hour and nothing happened, I had to leave, but my dad told me to carry him along. When I got home, I walked to the bedroom and met my wife on the phone but I did not know who she was speaking with. I returned to the living room and continued reading from my myriad of advisers on this thread.

Then the call came in. It was my wife's sister's voice (not the eldest one)... begging me to forgive and try to forget. She sounded like she was outdoors under the influence of some heavy downpour. I can't express the feeling at that moment but the only thing that I remembered was Proverbs 16:7. (apologies to the wonderful Muslims on this thread...). Even though she didn't believe me, I forgave her. Then the husband collected the phone from her and spoke with me at length... apologising on behalf of the entire family. The major point he kept re-iterating was that I should not let my people know...

All the while, several other simultaneous calls were on. My wife's family members were calling one another while some also called my wife to know the extent of what I got hold of. Interestingly, the first born (who advised my wife to keep a separate account) had also been hinted and had run to their parents to open up to them. She could imagine the level of shame that was coming to her - A PhD holder who is the family's Senior Adviser on every issue. Her parents called her husband to join them immediately as he was their only front soldier who could speak to me. Suddenly, the first born's husband's call came in. He pleaded that he would not like us to revisit the ugly situation but that I was the only one that could save the entire family from the mess by forgiving everyone. He stated that he had been told everything that was done to me and he would like me to honour him and reverse my war order - this was when I confirmed that they had been speaking to my wife. He showered prayers on me while I remained aggressive in my AMEN responses (as if to let them know I was neutralising their spells on me). He promised to call my wife and warn her never to discuss her family issues again with any of her sisters. He also begged me severally never to reveal it to my people as it would mean a reversal to the beginning. Although he didn't give me the impression that my wife's parents were with him - my wife told me this later...

At night, my wife came to kneel down by my side to make her own pleading. I was very glad because the whole ambience was like the clear sky devoid of any cloudy covering after a thunderous rain. I spoke softly to her and began to re-iterate my ideals to her - it was a good preaching time for me. Now everyone (including my wife) is praying that I do not decide to spill the whole thing out one day. My wife's eldest sister later called me that night to directly tender her own apology - at a time she had confirmed I wasn't going to be hostile anymore.

For me, I believe there's so much left for me to do on my wife. For anyone who has followed the recent events of my life which could have ended in a tragedy but for God's intervention and would love to give me some helpful ideas as I move forward, kindly drop your comments. I'll be very glad to read them.

Cc: ezechueze, Mafking, AccidentalGenius, RadicallyBlunt, ojun50, GoldenJAT, olempe, LuveU2, goldbim, phabulous88, pharmagba, 2goodbobo, PezzoNovante, marvelous000, Tritri, IRserveMyComent, AlienStar, STENON, krak101, AccidentalGenius, danduchi, samsam2019, uchedydy, Ruemufaith, sashishalom, ednut1, bakynes, sumborr, general111, byvan03, obiak4, Eketem, obiak4, emekachimek, elektra, priceaction, segzy0i, MizzD, richyfunky, bellong, nnamdibig, Timbuktou, TheArchangel, tearoses, andromida, HaneefahRN, TV01, Amelian, WellEndowed, Jethrolite, baeboo, trishapal, drss, Donemmy, Ujoan, pcguru1, Tochex101, pastorpussy, crackhaus, ranktzy, cococandy, mysticgal, toksbisola, Okikiki, succourplanet, Darla, ummeey, kaboninc, BiggyB242, Ishilove, mac04, mysticgal, ummeey, kaboninc, BiggyB242, yetseyi, Spydamannn, YourCoffin, peeparty, fem29, Pyno30, mylove4him, Petroking, ISpiksDaTroof, Elebiju, rosy1992, babayega, repogirl, jajainall, Contact17, packagerz, tete7000, MrD2, Taryur3, ahahnow, saintdennis, Marvel1206, olaarie, DICKtator, Insel, Wealthy15, DeRay98, Freeezzz, igbsam, danduchi, freecocoa, dissybling, CoCoLav, Ioannes, ify84, Almajiri1, Beey, emyreal1010, laikas, greatwhite, Biographyroom, FxDuke, Irishrena1, Totfulguy, Lescalier, freedomm, chronique, LUV1, buksaylor001, papinx, toye440, lovaleenny, 0ubenji, ekeroyal, teemy, goodgate, Luckygurl, compujyde, DonX001, yoged, meetdavid, teemy, newecop, solobenzo, Tunechi1, amacastel, luckyehis, igbsam, vicchi12, frozenSun, sweatlana, taemilola, DonX001, Totfulguy, luisina, Fawklicant, Silvofitz, binarykid, keke87, oyetpel, saasala, Mskrisx, Exlusive, borngeologist, ohynedar, Leorichy, Seamareggae, ephi123, NifemiOlu, uplawal, WellEndowed, princeakins, Ronke001, sexy74, vicadex07, mirob, Elle277, tianshie, mylove4him, Chriso2, Seamareggae, dacillin, bj4jesus, pastorpussy, Themandator

No matter your chanced discovery, the fact remains that you evoke neither love nor fear from your wife's older folk and this is not a good position to be... Now you have complicated issue by your discovery.

Whether you want to believe it or not, your wife will always have need for her sisters and they will give her attention only after they have extracted a firm promised from her to be more discreet..... Lets hope for the better.. I'm married and I take no nonsense from inlaws

For those saying his life is in danger, I firmly believe God has DevGuru covered, only very few people would have discovered the whole issue to start with and in as much as he has done the right thing, he will continue to be covered.Nothing they do or try to do will harm him, that I know. Joseph's own brothers were going to kill him but man's plans will always fail when God has you in His hands, he still went ahead to feed and provide for those same brothers and their families years down the line. As Christians, we are called to live differently which sometimes means making decisions the world would consider folly. DevGuru has been tested and he has passed that test. It is well with him, his family and his home. In decades to come, they will both look back at this episode grateful it didn't tear them apart. As for those wicked inlaws, they are in the judgment of God, nothing more.

Bross Ehhh,hmmmm I don't know where to start,All I can say is ur type is rare to find honestly,I learnt a wonderful lesson here,Obirin bi omo fun ni ko ni ki o pa Eni(the fact that your wife gave u a child dosnt stop her from killing you) after the Devil fear Women honestly I don't blame them but they are vulnerable to situation and weaker,you just show a wonder steps on how to live long to us here on NL,if I was in your shoe the marriage is gone,all the same I wish you best of luck and good thing to come in your marriage.

N.B have you consider another profession as a script writer you will do great there.Kudos again I bow for you

chronique:
Dude,I appreciate your forgiving nature. But you haven't acted like a man yet. Read my lips: "send that woman to stay with her parents for 3 weeks to 1 month". Don't tell her you're sending her away. Pack your things. And act like you guys are going to spend sometime. With. Them. After the first night,don't. Sleep there. Leave her there the. Next day and tell the parents she'd be living with them till further notice. I can bet my life. That they'd. Be dead scred of what you have up your sleeves. After they've spent 1 month begging,ask the parents to bring her back;don't go there to pick her. Yourself. I can bet that. Your wife will come. Back a better behaved person. You need to show the man in you,and what you're capable of doing. If they mess up next time. That's the only way they can respect you.

there is a lil bit of loophole in wat you said wat if the elder sisters who were telling her to open a secret account are now sayin we told to open a secret account becos of situations like this not know he his only doin it to create fear in them and for only a short period of time wont the elders sister wishes come through

Wow.