How do couples with different spending patterns cope

my partner is driving me crazy, we have been fighting about everything that has to do with money, she is kinda of lavish and i am prudent. It is really frustrating, she sees me as a miser. She has this idea the higher the cost the more quality, but i know this is not necessary the case. at least from experience, i know how people inflate prices , i try to spend on actual value. I have sat her down and explained to her. How we should nt waste, she promises to change but next thing she is back to the basics.

I also think i may be partially responsible for this, during our courtship, i use to lavish her with very expensive gifts. which to me shd nt be a crime, I wasnt spending beyond my means and there is nothing wrong in giving your woman some exclusive treats once in a while what now bothers me is she expects the cinderella story will continue forever.

There was a day the argument got so intense, she began to say very uncool stuff, on hw she know i hate spending on her and always complain. i really felt hurt. She never looks at the big picture, it is always the most expensive stuff she wants, whenever we do anything.

Our counseling was rushed and proper attention wasnt given to finances and all, everyone just believes she is a well behaved girl. We just got married, I really dont know how i missed this earlier during courtship, but it really causing alot of whahala in our home. The funny part is most of this so called expenses are usually to be solely footed by me. My wife has not for one day called me to say she too will contribute this amount for this or that. I dont complain, or expect, where i have problem is when i decide to pay and she complains it is nt good enough. Am sure if her money was involved she would understand what i mean.

Currently i earn more than her, i found a temporary solution which is to keep her out of the financial decisions, Whenever. i want to buy stuff for the house I dont consult her anymore, i just go and buy the stuff and return home showing her i bought it, instead of the normal asking her which is better and she picks and we begin to fight and argue. This is temporal and actually not the best but what can i do? The fights are just getting to me.

When we started i used to expose her to how much I had and all and plans to maybe get a land and all and maybe start bulding. She knows how much i earn and all. but i dont think she is matured to handled some of these things. And i guess cos she knows of the money available (my saivngs) this is why she just goes for the most expensive and all and just acts lavish.

I had to lie to her that i was scammed of several of millions through MMM to make her forget about the available cash.

Just imagine the rubbish i have to go through.

See me see whahala , me and my own wife again.

Is anyone dating a partner with an opposite spending habit.

Can you share and let me learn how you overcame this problem.

This issue should have been fixed before marriage but nevertheless, you are already in it so you have to endure and wisely manage the situation at hand... Not involving her type of person in the financial decisions may not be the best for the long run... However, you can talk to her and tell her about what you intend to spend on weekly/monthly basis with regards to the up keep of the house and other miscellaneous expenses afrer which you hand over the money to her to manage... The ball it's now in her court to either use the money wisely or otherwise... Just make up your mind to argue less with her at least to save you from a potential high blood pressure that may lead to premature death thereby leaving your wife behind to be enjoyed by a stranger ... Finally, remember that there is no quick fix solution to this your present challenges because change is a gradual process...

I had an ex who behaves that way.... On my part I've tried talking to her about the habit of frivolous spending and not having to save for the rainy days.

Recession at work...

My brother,I must say is always like that with women but your wife's own is much though. You didn't make mistakes in lavishing some stuffs on her during courtship but you seem not to have given her the idea that you are broke before and so she thinks your money grows like tree.

Once in a while,give a woman an idea that you're broke and watch her reaction. It will give you a better picture of her. She likes good things probably but you should get your wife a mentor. Either a woman in your church or someone she respects so much either in her office or neighborhood.

Don't take it to the point of one day,hitting her as I know those stuffs she is doing will make you look less of a man but hang on and and get a woman figure to help out.

Lastly,make her contribute in getting some things in the house so you don't kill yourself as a man. She is not there to just cook,give birth and be good in the other room but to also support you financially.

Eeeeehya, I'm still single, can't relate

bro when you can't take it no more you can file for divorce the best truss me

wow, I can feel the level of frustration from your title..... She doesn't know that things are hard? She better change oh

sit her down again and tell her that those days you use to buy her expensive things - was campaign!

now you have won the election by marrying her - the campaign is over and its time to face reality!

and the reality is - you guys have to live withing your means or u will end up with serious recession in the family!


you can use this reference to drive home your point!

REFERENCE: Nigerian Election 2015 - and the reality on ground now? Dollar almost N500 to the dollar - Electricity? 2hours per 48 hours!.

Whenever. i want to buy stuff for the house I dont consult her anymore.

Now you're talking. Once in a while, you can consult or seek her opinion on certain tins - yeah sure, make her feel like her opinions matter -but at the end of the day, you have the final say.
Me thinks you should argue less with her and exert your authority as the man more often. No point trying to change the attitude of a woman with rationale and logic, they are driven by emotions, it won't work.
After all you're the one wearing the damn shoe, so you know where it hurts. So less talk, put her in her place. She's your equal - yes, but the trick is make her think she is, you know what I mean.

This is what happens when you go extra miles to impress a lady during courtship. Its best to let your fiancée/ fiancé know your financial capability. Rushing into marriage is bad too, you never know some flaws in your partner.

Since you are married you can only handle this situation with patience and maturity. My advice is.. Cut down the allowance you give to her. You are the man so you have to act like one. Even when she complains tell her its all you could afford. But never spend what is left of the reduced allowance. Safe it.

Do this for some months, When the saved money is sufficient to get her something valuable that you know she needs... Get it for her with the money. Let her know it was bought from the money you saved.

She will be sober and see things from your angel. I.e the advantage of saving.

Marriage is an institution which has its wheels on maturity, patience and wisdom. You don't take drastic actions but correct with love.

Bros u need to force the reality down her throat ooo, even if it means slashing the domestic expenses by two or three sef. stop buying food items in large quantity . if she needs money don't give her the full amount....create the impression that u are going broke so she can spend more of her money. at least if she wants to be extravagant let her be extravagant with her own money.

by the time she goes broke with money coming from nowhere she will learn.

I mean why would an adult be behaving like a baby when even kids are aware of the harsh economic realities........mtcheeew every body with him own wahala, make I face my front joor.

Joe4lv:
My brother,I must say is always like that with women but your wife's own is much though. You didn't make mistakes in lavishing some stuffs on her during courtship but you seem not to have given her the idea that you are broke before and so she thinks your money grows like tree.

Once in a while,give a woman an idea that you're broke and watch her reaction. It will give you a better picture of her. She likes good things probably but you should get your wife a mentor. Either a woman in your church or someone she respects so much either in her office or neighborhood.

Don't take it to the point of one day,hitting her as I know those stuffs she is doing will make you look less of a man but hang on and and get a woman figure to help out.

Lastly,make her contribute in getting some things in the house so you don't kill yourself as a man. She is not there to just cook,give birth and be good in the other room but to also support you financially.

Gbam! You nailed it no more no less

overcomer123:
How do couples with different spending patterns cope

my partner is driving me crazy, we have been fighting about everything that has to do with money, she is kinda of lavish and i am prudent. It is really frustrating, she sees me as a miser. She has this idea the higher the cost the more quality, but i know this is not necessary the case. at least from experience, i know how people inflate prices , i try to spend on actual value. I have sat her down and explained to her. How we should nt waste, she promises to change but next thing she is back to the basics.

I also think i may be partially responsible for this, during our courtship, i use to lavish her with very expensive gifts. which to me shd nt be a crime, I wasnt spending beyond my means and there is nothing wrong in giving your woman some exclusive treats once in a while what now bothers me is she expects the cinderella story will continue forever.

There was a day the argument got so intense, she began to say very uncool stuff, on hw she know i hate spending on her and always complain. i really felt hurt. She never looks at the big picture, it is always the most expensive stuff she wants, whenever we do anything.

Our counseling was rushed and proper attention wasnt given to finances and all, everyone just believes she is a well behaved girl. We just got married, I really dont know how i missed this earlier during courtship, but it really causing alot of whahala in our home. The funny part is most of this so called expenses are usually to be solely footed by me. My wife has not for one day called me to say she too will contribute this amount for this or that. I dont complain, or expect, where i have problem is when i decide to pay and she complains it is nt good enough. Am sure if her money was involved she would understand what i mean.

Currently i earn more than her, i found a temporary solution which is to keep her out of the financial decisions, Whenever. i want to buy stuff for the house I dont consult her anymore, i just go and buy the stuff and return home showing her i bought it, instead of the normal asking her which is better and she picks and we begin to fight and argue. This is temporal and actually not the best but what can i do? The fights are just getting to me.

Is anyone dating a partner with an opposite spending habit.

Can you share and let me learn how you overcame this problem.

Guy ur blood pressure should be impt to u. Keeping her out of the decision is good for ur blood pressure but its not the best unless u intend to use it as a form of punishment for her extravagance.
I feel ur pain. I too wedded not long ago though have known her for long. I too used to spend heavy during courtship, I liked doing that for her. I still do that but at my own discretion and am not forced to do so. Ma guy recession is recession.
Wifey too had that problem of adjusting. Its not abnormal thats why u have to talk to ur woman. Lots of talking is necessary, if the message is not taken then more talking. Devise means to make her know u disapprove, if she errs then punish her directly or indirectly but make her know the reason. U have to bring her to ur level od thinking. Remember she is an adult so u can't treat her like a child but that doesn't mean u can't show her where she is wrong.
Also keep her off ur finances and never have a communal account unless u want to die early.
If u make the most expenses then u decide what u buy and when. U have to include her in decision making to be fair but if she insist to have her way and u don't approve what is to be bought then don't buy it. She will learn as time goes on. If her money is involved u cant do much, its her money but u will have ur way if she runs out and come to ask you for funds.
I respect my wife's decision but still she cringes from fear when ever she runs out of money and has to ask me if the reason she ran out of money is cos she bought stuffs I had disapproved of her buying it in the first place. I am the quiet type so don't like talking much but I don't mince words without being insulting when I say what little i have to say.

drnoel:


Guy ur blood pressure should be impt to u. Keeping her out of the decision is good for ur blood pressure but its not the best unless u intend to use it as a form of punishment for her extravagance.
I feel ur pain. I too wedded not long ago though have known her for long. I too used to spend heavy during courtship, I liked doing that for her. I still do that but at my own discretion and am not forced to do so. Ma guy recession is recession.
Wifey too had that problem of adjusting. Its not abnormal thats why u have to talk to ur woman. Lots of talking is necessary, if the message is not taken then more talking. Devise means to make her know u disapprove, if she errs then punish her directly or indirectly but make her know the reason. U have to bring her to ur level od thinking. Remember she is an adult so u can't treat her like a child but that doesn't mean u can't show her where she is wrong.
Also keep her off ur finances and never have a communal account unless u want to die early.
If u make the most expenses then u decide what u buy and when. U have to include her in decision making to be fair but if she insist to have her way and u don't approve what is to be bought then don't buy it. She will learn as time goes on. If her money is involved u cant do much, its her money but u will have ur way if she runs out and come to ask you for funds.
I respect my wife's decision but still she cringes from fear when ever she runs out of money and has to ask me if the reason she ran out of money is cos she bought stuffs I had disapproved of her buying it in the first place. I am the quiet type so don't like talking much but I don't mince words without being insulting when I say what little i have to say.

Bros i don try talk to her oh,
whenever i do now she see me like am giving some hardd talks and all and just try to mock me.

When we started i used to expose her to how much I had and all and plans to maybe get a land and all and maybe start bulding, but i dont think she is matured to handled some of these things. And i guess cos she knows of the money available this is why she just goes for the most expensive and all and just acts lavish.

I had to lie to her that i was scammed of several of millions through MMM to make her forget about the available cash.

Just imagine the rubbish i have to go through.

See me see whahala , me and my own wife again.

Well it depends on what she spends on. If she views it dat every expensive item has quality then she's wrong. But if it's som, then she might not b totally wrong because there are cases were d expensive items are better than the cheap once.
So what I think u should do is try to talk to her abt everything, communication matters in marriage.

U don't hav to make it look lik she doesn't no what she's doing becos dat will make her not to see it from ur own side.
Just try to create a balance by making it (50/50) depending on ur pocket at d time of ur purchase

If she wants to be part of the decision making process as far a spending money in the home is concerned then she needs to be ready to bring in more money herself

im not married...but av got some very good experience as a result of dating and watchin some married peeps around...only u can actually describe how pained u are.i can see dt u av employed and used d issue of communication in resolving this issue...but yet..u aint seein any positive change!communication in marriage is very necessary and vital...but when its overused...it tends 2 lose it value on d LONG run...so d question comes up,what should be done 2 remedify d situation?and my simple answer is this..Stop givin in 2 her demands,and mk dt obvious...no matter d
EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL she employs..ur money is ur money...and only u shud b responsible 4d way it is been spend...u try 2 live and tolerate this her shortcoming....den it will get 2 a time..where ntin can b done again!IT IS ALWAYS ADVISABLE THAT U SHOW A WOMAN U ARE ALWAYS READY FOR HER TROUBLE AT TIMES...and lastly..u did ntin wrong by makin her a privy 2 ur financial status!HAPPY NEW YEAR.

here to read....

Set aside a certain amount of money each month/week for foodstuffs and give her....if she doesn't manage it well then tell her to add her money.

Whenever she wants to buy a really expensive thing,agree with her and give her half of the money....if she complains tell her to add hers .

Act broke.
Stop talking for now and act.

Bros, every marriage has its own challenges, I am telling you,if you hear some others women's fault in marriage, you'll give testimony about your wife.
Yes I know her habit regarding finance is not OK,but she could change if you convince her,that your cutting down on spending is for the good of the family, not that you don't want to spend. Cos sincerely that's what she thinks,that you have the money enough,but you don't want to spend it on your family. You know women don't think deep like that,no of fence intended.

We seem to be in the same shoes Op

overcomer123:
How do couples with different spending patterns cope

my partner is driving me crazy, we have been fighting about everything that has to do with money, she is kinda of lavish and i am prudent. It is really frustrating, she sees me as a miser. She has this idea the higher the cost the more quality, but i know this is not necessary the case. at least from experience, i know how people inflate prices , i try to spend on actual value. I have sat her down and explained to her. How we should nt waste, she promises to change but next thing she is back to the basics.

I also think i may be partially responsible for this, during our courtship, i use to lavish her with very expensive gifts. which to me shd nt be a crime, I wasnt spending beyond my means and there is nothing wrong in giving your woman some exclusive treats once in a while what now bothers me is she expects the cinderella story will continue forever.

There was a day the argument got so intense, she began to say very uncool stuff, on hw she know i hate spending on her and always complain. i really felt hurt. She never looks at the big picture, it is always the most expensive stuff she wants, whenever we do anything.

Our counseling was rushed and proper attention wasnt given to finances and all, everyone just believes she is a well behaved girl. We just got married, I really dont know how i missed this earlier during courtship, but it really causing alot of whahala in our home. The funny part is most of this so called expenses are usually to be solely footed by me. My wife has not for one day called me to say she too will contribute this amount for this or that. I dont complain, or expect, where i have problem is when i decide to pay and she complains it is nt good enough. Am sure if her money was involved she would understand what i mean.

Currently i earn more than her, i found a temporary solution which is to keep her out of the financial decisions, Whenever. i want to buy stuff for the house I dont consult her anymore, i just go and buy the stuff and return home showing her i bought it, instead of the normal asking her which is better and she picks and we begin to fight and argue. This is temporal and actually not the best but what can i do? The fights are just getting to me.

When we started i used to expose her to how much I had and all and plans to maybe get a land and all and maybe start bulding. She knows how much i earn and all. but i dont think she is matured to handled some of these things. And i guess cos she knows of the money available (my saivngs) this is why she just goes for the most expensive and all and just acts lavish.

I had to lie to her that i was scammed of several of millions through MMM to make her forget about the available cash.

Just imagine the rubbish i have to go through.

See me see whahala , me and my own wife again.

Is anyone dating a partner with an opposite spending habit.

Can you share and let me learn how you overcame this problem.

Move your money into capital 3expenditures property always borrow from her to cofinance the project take her to site sand explain the number of blocks a designers shoe will purchase

Mature responses soo far, the family section would also help.

Greatzeus:
Bros, every marriage has its own challenges, I am telling you,if you hear some others women's fault in marriage, you'll give testimony about your wife.
Yes I know her habit regarding finance is not OK,but she could change if you convince her,that your cutting down on spending is for the good of the family, not that you don't want to spend. Cos sincerely that's what she thinks,that you have the money enough,but you don't want to spend it on your family. You know women don't think deep like that,no of fence intended.

asin she has said it before sef, that am a miser.

I will just keep praying about it and refuse all her frivolous acts. funny part is she always remember am the man in the house when it time to pay bills. Yet when it time for house chores and all she remembers we are same, hence we shd share the task.

I will also force her to begin to make contributions too, perhaps when she spends from her money she will understand.

People should exercise patience with the IDGAF Crew. They will still go the way the ENDTIME CREW, the NAME CHECKERS ASSOCIATION Crew, etc went.

Please be patient with us...

As I am a PROUD Member!!!!.

PS:

Wow

lol


She is spending your money na.


You no know when you were singing , She must chop my money !!! when she never say yes ?

When we started i used to expose her to how much I had and all and plans to maybe get a land and all and maybe start bulding. She knows how much i earn and all. but i dont think she is matured to handled some of these things. And i guess cos she knows of the money available (my saivngs) this is why she just goes for the most expensive and all and just acts lavish.

You have started fixing it.

I have told people that the idea of be open with your finances is 100% dependent on the kind of wife you marry.

Secondly, you need to man up. Tell her this its the budget for x this month and the amount is 10k.

If she like she should balance it with all her money.


Some women are just mean when it comes to spending another person's money but are prudent with their money.

This is the type of girl that goes to a shop to ask if they have peak milk from holland