Billiondoe:

You cldt keep your wife so you should not be giving advise on marital issues, with all due respect..A man who drives his dad's car has no business in the council of men who own bicycles...

Why are you so mean to that guy?

Dont forget that you are in your late 20s and can't seem to have any direction in your relationship. Btw, you can't handle an ordinary relationship so how can advice a married person?

People living in glass buildings shouldn't be throwing stones.

Op , Is she working? Do u have kids? Did u discuss these issues with her during courtship? See marriage is a different from boyfriend or fiancee relationship, it's a different ball game I tell u, when d kids start coming ,it would be more difficult,cos she would try to deliver I'm the most expensive hospital, buy the most expensive baby foods, clothes, etc I would have said it's ur fault,but hey who am I to judge? Ur a man and the head of the home, set a standard for ur home, talk to ur wife, or was she born with a silver spoon? My friend ur d head of the house ooo, talk to her with love nd understanding, if she doesn't listen then take d topic to someone she respects, I don't like third party in my marriage, I and my husband settle inside the house, Goodluck

HarveySpecter1:


Go look for your husband. Who told you the op gives a f0rk about frustrated single girls like you.

Hunger go hammer your kind.

I second your comment

Yeye geh

Simple as abc.

Make a decision on your spending and stand on it.

Be a man.

ladyverere:
2 of my brothers wives are exactly like your wife. My younger brother kept indulging her until he was neck deep in serious debt with his bank! But for our intervention and bail out it would have been another story that touch. Now he's learnt his lesson and now hardens his heart to her extravagant and lavish lifestyle. Of course they fight a lot but he no longer parts unless it is absolutely necessary.
My eldest brother dealt with his as soon as he noticed his wife persistent extravagance and ostentatious lifestyle. He told her bluntly that she should be ready to foot her extravagance lifestyle. She thought he was joking so she went out and bought some real expensive stuff, things they don't even need. But my brother refused to pay. They fought bitterly over it and she threatened to pack out. He told her that if she left she should never return! She saw he meant business and decided to sit put. She paid every penny of that debt by herself and never repeated same again. Now she ditches out advice on financial prudence!
So Op you must put your foot down firmly and mean it. Alternatively, you can continue buying the things you need at home yourself, I mean those things you know your wife will take you to the cleaners for. Also, don't tell her about your savings and such since she believes such must be spent extravagantly.
And make the rules as the head of your home.

Did this just come from a lady?

Very interesting!

Now I have hope for a good woman.



Oya LadyF, coman learn ohhhh

One thing is to get married to a woman who understands u. Since the day my hubby told me about his project I have been the one telling him not to buy any unnecessary things to the house and gave him a time frame for the project to be completed.(that's a push).

My advise is this....

Just sit her down and try to explain to her that u are not spending the money on any other lady outside because when a woman knows that u are a flirt, gbamm their next line of action is for them to help u lavish ur money since you do spend on other gals out there. Infact we don't care if u wear only one shirt all we know is that let's spend the money together. Once that is done and she still continue her lavish life style I advice u pretend to be broke for a while.

Fuckkkkk her very well and return her back to hee hungry people

DonaTee:






3. Her salary is for her upkeep n hair.
n

I really love to learn from married folks but I would like to understand what you mean by this.

maysimsimple:
Exactly what I did with my Ex-wife. The next thing she did was Packed out all of my belongings back to her parents house.. Uncle no love I swear...

Your wife left you because you were unable to provide for the family. I believe the op is able to provide, but he just wants advice on cutting back to plan for their future.

DonaTee:


@op u av to calm down a little. Try to make a mental pix or calculation of the basic important spending u guys make in a month. By this I mean feeding.

also calculate wat u spend on luxury.

Table it n show her.

Ask her how she thinks d money will flow when d kids start coming.

Ask her how u guys would b able to build ur own house n houses for rent

ask her jow u guys would b able to hav health n emergency savings

ask her how u guys can b able to create plan B businesses

ask het how u both can fund vacations.

When she answer finish wether gud or bad pls remind her dat timea are hard. And tell her
1. how much u ll b giving her for house upkeep.
2. How much u ll b giving her as pocket money (just a tease...like awuff)

3. Her salary is for her upkeep n hair.
But during festivities n birthday n anniversary u go dey giv am money as it pleases u.

verily I say unto u, soon she may get advice abt stopping u from buying foodstuffs n such.
Dat na her department n apriko is allowed.
Even my hubby knws I do apiriko in market list n he uses it to tease me.
When we started some times he ll withold things frm me. After throwing tantrum I ll couple myself. Yrs down he told me he was testing n training me on how to forfeit during lack. Im grateful for dat.

But seriously be firm in ur financial management if not na she go first tell u how u dey lazy wen ur mates r hustling.

sorry for boring long post

I have hope ohhh

There's always two sides to every story, let's hear ur wife first.
Secondly are u prudent or just stingy?

kaboninc:


Did this just come from a lady?

Very interesting!

Now I have hope for a good woman.



Oya LadyF, coman learn ohhhh

Obviously,her blood brother is involved so it would be a very reasonable advice.

overcomer123 the first and only mistake you made was to tell her how much you earn.

That's why I dey FEAR MARRIAGE....

IF only I can design my own kind of woman.
LADIES change with changing circumstances.
That a LADY loves U , is because she hasn't encountered someone better than u.

Because if she does, the relationship becomes a HISTORY.
I have an account I opened for everything that has to do with my marriage in d near future.
A comfortable apartment.
But am very scared of the LADY that will be coming in soonest.

overcomer123:

I also think i may be partially responsible for this, during our courtship, i use to lavish her with very expensive gifts. which to me shd nt be a crime

OP, listen to me. The QUOTED is the single source of your present tragedy. You alone are the sole cause of your predicament, and your wife is not to blame here.

You set a high standard for her during courtship. She has gotten used to that standard. And now you expect her to 'use her brain' to understand that you were just being romantic then. So what stops you from 'continuing' to be the romantic spender now? Or is she no longer worth it? So stop painting her as unreasonable or wicked. She is just being human, as we all are creatures of habit.

The way forward now, is for you to have a heart to heart talk with her, and explain things to her apologetically, because in my opinion, you deceived her during courtship and now you want things to change.

For the unmarried ones here, learn from this story. While you're dating your better half, be real, be honest and do not pretend.

Genea:
sweetie, wish I cud

lol... It's cool sha

SmellingAnus:
This issue should have been fixed before marriage but nevertheless, you are already in it so you have to endure and wisely manage the situation at hand... Not involving her type of person in the financial decisions may not be the best for the long run... However, you can talk to her and tell her about what you intend to spend on weekly/monthly basis with regards to the up keep of the house and other miscellaneous expenses afrer which you hand over the money to her to manage... The ball it's now in her court to either use the money wisely or otherwise... Just make up your mind to argue less with her at least to save you from a potential high blood pressure that may lead to premature death thereby leaving your wife behind to be enjoyed by a stranger ... Finally, remember that there is no quick fix solution to this your present challenges because change is a gradual process...

Doing all these of course won't solve the problem.

The solution is to deny her access to money and tell her both of you will relocate elsewhere, probably in the village.

The truth z that some people re naturally extravagant or have high test, while some re extravagant or hv high test as a result of the way they were brought up or their background (high social status ].
Sorry to say, This type of scenario arises when in the course of dating a girl u discovered that she z extravagant or hv high test, but bc of ur likeness for the particular girl, u choose to ignore the red flags and continue to woo her with expensive gifts, hoping that after winning her u will abscond and tame her to abide by ur stds or lifestyles.
But, unfortunately the trait of having high test or being extravagant is an innate one, and z always difficult to change personality.
My advice to u z this, sit her down and discuss realities with her, tell her ur financial status, tell her ur future plans for the family, tell her that u understand her love for quality products but at times u hv to compromise and go for the modest ones, so that u can make savings for bigger projects and the rainy day.
Tell her there z a difference between Need and Want.
And if she still don't change, call the attention of a female associate or friend that she holds of high esteem to talk sense into her.
She will definitely change, but as Baba will say "Change z a Gradual process "
Don't argue much with her, use wisdom, patience and perseverance and whenever you make decisions against her will, try to Seduce[ confuse, trick, manipulate ] her with gifts that will make her to forget easily, u know those little stuffs that women do get obsessed with,learn to smile, tease her till she laughs and forgets about ur manipulations, That z why u re d man, u re more of a logical being, and with time she will start respecting ur decision and u will become a full Alpha male, this doesn't mean that u will not involve her in decision making, but that u will be in control .
Good luck.

There is always several ways to kill a rat.
I had something similar. When dialogue and common reasoning failed
What I did:
Withdrew all the cash.. went on leave and we both Blew the cash to infinity. Then we came to Zero.. Lesson learnt the hard way.. then the eyes of her understanding started opening.
For the next one month we respected money well.
If you abuse it, it will disgrace u

Genea:
Eeeeehya, I'm still single, can't relate

Catalin:
overcomer123 the first and only mistake you made was to tell her how much you earn.

Yes. You don't tell a woman how much you earn otherwise you're in trouble.

ThinkSmarter:
The truth z that some people re naturally extravagant or have high test, while some re extravagant or hv high test as a result of the way they were brought up or their background (high social status ].
Sorry to say, This type of scenario arises when in the course of dating a girl u discovered that she z extravagant or hv high test, but bc of ur likeness for the particular girl, u choose to ignore the red flags and continue to woo her with expensive gifts, hoping that after winning her u will abscond and tame her to abide by ur stds or lifestyles.
But, unfortunately the trait of having high test or being extravagant is an innate one, and z always difficult to change personality.
My advice to u z this, sit her down and discuss realities with her, tell her ur financial status, tell her ur future plans for the family, tell her that u understand her love for quality products but at times u hv to compromise and go for the modest ones, so that u can make savings for bigger projects and the rainy day.
Tell her there z a difference between Need and Want.
And if she still don't change, call the attention of a female associate or friend that she holds of high esteem to talk sense into her.
She will definitely change, but as Baba will say "Change z a Gradual process "
Don't argue much with her, use wisdom, patience and perseverance and whenever you make decisions against her will, try to Seduce[ confuse, trick, manipulate ] her with gifts that will make her to forget easily, u know those little stuffs that women do get obsessed with,learn to smile, tease her till she laughs and forgets about ur manipulations, That z why u re d man, u re more of a logical being, and with time she will start respecting ur decision and u will become a full Alpha male, this doesn't mean that u will not involve her in decision making, but that u will be in control .
Good luck.

Damn! You're a man indeed!

Your advice is unique.

kaboninc:


Did this just come from a lady?

Very interesting!

Now I have hope for a good woman.



Oya Lad yF, coman learn ohhhh

You have intentionally refused to see the good testimonies on this thread and learn from them, but go about quoting the bad ones.
Why do people revel in bad news like this?

"You don't know women"...do we know men?
Humans generally are bound to change. When you live with someone in same house, you'll notice new things, good and bad!

With the way you only notice troubled marriages, I hope you don't end in one.

overcomer123:
How do couples with different spending patterns cope

my partner is driving me crazy, we have been fighting about everything that has to do with money, she is kinda of lavish and i am prudent. It is really frustrating, she sees me as a miser. She has this idea the higher the cost the more quality, but i know this is not necessary the case. at least from experience, i know how people inflate prices , i try to spend on actual value. I have sat her down and explained to her. How we should nt waste, she promises to change but next thing she is back to the basics.

I also think i may be partially responsible for this, during our courtship, i use to lavish her with very expensive gifts. which to me shd nt be a crime, I wasnt spending beyond my means and there is nothing wrong in giving your woman some exclusive treats once in a while what now bothers me is she expects the cinderella story will continue forever.

There was a day the argument got so intense, she began to say very uncool stuff, on hw she know i hate spending on her and always complain. i really felt hurt. She never looks at the big picture, it is always the most expensive stuff she wants, whenever we do anything.

Our counseling was rushed and proper attention wasnt given to finances and all, everyone just believes she is a well behaved girl. We just got married, I really dont know how i missed this earlier during courtship, but it really causing alot of whahala in our home. The funny part is most of this so called expenses are usually to be solely footed by me. My wife has not for one day called me to say she too will contribute this amount for this or that. I dont complain, or expect, where i have problem is when i decide to pay and she complains it is nt good enough. Am sure if her money was involved she would understand what i mean.

Currently i earn more than her, i found a temporary solution which is to keep her out of the financial decisions, Whenever. i want to buy stuff for the house I dont consult her anymore, i just go and buy the stuff and return home showing her i bought it, instead of the normal asking her which is better and she picks and we begin to fight and argue. This is temporal and actually not the best but what can i do? The fights are just getting to me.

When we started i used to expose her to how much I had and all and plans to maybe get a land and all and maybe start bulding. She knows how much i earn and all. but i dont think she is matured to handled some of these things. And i guess cos she knows of the money available (my saivngs) this is why she just goes for the most expensive and all and just acts lavish.

I had to lie to her that i was scammed of several of millions through MMM to make her forget about the available cash.

Just imagine the rubbish i have to go through.

See me see whahala , me and my own wife again.

Is anyone dating a partner with an opposite spending habit.

Can you share and let me learn how you overcame this problem.

simply create a budget for whatever expense and both of you have to stick to it. if she feels that she needs to upgrade a purchase then she is free to add the extra. But i must tell you, lack of synergy in a couples finances is trouble waiting to happen you both should sit down and work out a plan for your finances. do this before you start having kids.

maysimsimple:
Exactly what I did with my Ex-wife. The next thing she did was Packed out all of my belongings back to her parents house.. Uncle no love I swear...





ote author=Dfinex post=52490199]Bros u need to force the reality down her throat ooo, even if it means slashing the domestic expenses by two or three sef. stop buying food items in large quantity . if she needs money don't give her the full amount....create the impression that u are going broke so she can spend more of her money. at least if she wants to be extravagant let her be extravagant with her own money.

by the time she goes broke with money coming from nowhere she will learn.

I mean why would an adult be behaving like a baby when even kids are aware of the harsh economic realities........mtcheeew every body with him own wahala, make I face my front joor.

Your case is totally different. You had no money.

Genea:
Eeeeehya, I'm still single, can't relate

you better start trying to understand and relate fast.

Seriously, i have dated a lady that behaved exactly like your wife, once she discovered any money with me, the next thought or idea that will come from her is to spend the money, even if i protest that the money should be save or put to investment, she rather prefer the money being spend on buying flashy items such as expensive cloths or items.
But amazingly, when she earned her own money, she will never spend it she will rather prefer to save it and lavish my own money, and when you go broke and asked her for money she will never agreed that she have, i had to called off the relationship so i will not die young.
On several occasion i had to stamped my authority as man and it will lead to quarrel as she is also authoritative.
My advise to you since you are already married, talking will not help, ladies dont listen to talks, they prefer action, stamped your authority, talk less and act more, stop given her money, give her money for only items you approved of, and if she add up her money fine, but if she spend lavishly without your approval punish her and let her know the reason, never raised your hand on her, the punishment here is a coded one, either u cut down her next allowance or when she ask for fund let her know you are broke.

overcomer123:



Bros i don try talk to her oh,
whenever i do now she see me like am giving some hardd talks and all and just try to mock me.

When we started i used to expose her to how much I had and all and plans to maybe get a land and all and maybe start bulding, but i dont think she is matured to handled some of these things. And i guess cos she knows of the money available this is why she just goes for the most expensive and all and just acts lavish.

I had to lie to her that i was scammed of several of millions through MMM to make her forget about the available cash.

Just imagine the rubbish i have to go through.

See me see whahala , me and my own wife again.

Lol @ ur last comment. It happens so don't sweat it. Women are built differently and some of em are just spendthrift. U as the man have to look her in the eye ball and don't blink, if not she will feel she can have her way anytime.
I had to devise means to handle my wife. Till today my wife cant tell u the exact amount I earn, she just knew an estimate and wanted to go on a mad shopping spree like we used to do while dating. I just eyeballed her and told her "baby its not like that. This one is no more dating but na marriage so u got to work with me to save". She corrected herself after then

This is one of the drawbacks about women. They respond and react the way you handle them the first day.

no solid examples of your wife's 'lavish' taste versus your 'prudent' taste?

do you go for tecno phones while your wife goes for samsung?
do you go for bluegate tv while your wife goes for LG?
do you go for chery cars while your wife goes for toyota?


do you for toyota while she goes for mercedes?
do you go for samsung while she goes for iphone?
do you go for LG while she goes for bang and olufsen?

i'm asking this because from what you've written, i cannot tell if you are cheap/stingy or your wife is a lavish spendthrift

there is something called lifecycle cost - when you buy some things cheap, you spend that entire lifespan of those items servicing and repairing and spending more than the cost of the items.

some of my colleagues in the office, feeling prudent, or maybe smart, bought the early generation tecno phones. they all had bitter stories about poor quality and zero customer service when the phones went faulty. they wasted several days going back and forth with carlcare. one of these guys bought a sony phone two years back to replace the tecno. he is using the phone till today, even though it has a hairline crack in the screen.

my point - sometimes we substitute thriftiness for common sense. its the same way some people go to buy land in ikorodu or iyana paja while working in VI or marina. they then spend half their lives in traffic.

from what you've posted, i cant make any judgement

if however your wife is acting like the typical naija woman - your salary if for us while my salary is for me - then there is a problem.

Genea:
Eeeeehya, I'm still single, can't relate

Way to go! Advertising isn't such a bad idea.

I read alot of comments, what is she doing with her own money? I can't take that when I was in my father's house my mum used to contribute almost 35% financially. Mr Man you have along way to go if you started paying children school fees that's when you will know her true colour.