Ok

@ Op, before i believe this your post, can you give a practical direct example of how your wife has been lavish.

Just one definite example please!

this is simply a case of a guy saddle with family responsibilities but lack the necessary balls for same.

if you hadnt realised, you are the head of the home. wake up and take control!

you have no principles guilding your home nor a spending plan. that is why she can just wake up, feels the money is there and go berserk spending same.

REMEDY:
Go and buy the land and start building! when she know money is going into somewhere she would caution her self.

besides, you caused all these

overcomer123:
How do couples with different spending patterns cope

my partner is driving me crazy, we have been fighting about everything that has to do with money, she is kinda of lavish and i am prudent. It is really frustrating, she sees me as a miser. She has this idea the higher the cost the more quality, but i know this is not necessary the case. at least from experience, i know how people inflate prices , i try to spend on actual value. I have sat her down and explained to her. How we should nt waste, she promises to change but next thing she is back to the basics.

I also think i may be partially responsible for this, during our courtship, i use to lavish her with very expensive gifts. which to me shd nt be a crime, I wasnt spending beyond my means and there is nothing wrong in giving your woman some exclusive treats once in a while what now bothers me is she expects the cinderella story will continue forever.

There was a day the argument got so intense, she began to say very uncool stuff, on hw she know i hate spending on her and always complain. i really felt hurt. She never looks at the big picture, it is always the most expensive stuff she wants, whenever we do anything.

Our counseling was rushed and proper attention wasnt given to finances and all, everyone just believes she is a well behaved girl. We just got married, I really dont know how i missed this earlier during courtship, but it really causing alot of whahala in our home. The funny part is most of this so called expenses are usually to be solely footed by me. My wife has not for one day called me to say she too will contribute this amount for this or that. I dont complain, or expect, where i have problem is when i decide to pay and she complains it is nt good enough. Am sure if her money was involved she would understand what i mean.

Currently i earn more than her, i found a temporary solution which is to keep her out of the financial decisions, Whenever. i want to buy stuff for the house I dont consult her anymore, i just go and buy the stuff and return home showing her i bought it, instead of the normal asking her which is better and she picks and we begin to fight and argue. This is temporal and actually not the best but what can i do? The fights are just getting to me.

When we started i used to expose her to how much I had and all and plans to maybe get a land and all and maybe start bulding. She knows how much i earn and all. but i dont think she is matured to handled some of these things. And i guess cos she knows of the money available (my saivngs) this is why she just goes for the most expensive and all and just acts lavish.

I had to lie to her that i was scammed of several of millions through MMM to make her forget about the available cash.

Just imagine the rubbish i have to go through.

See me see whahala , me and my own wife again.

Is anyone dating a partner with an opposite spending habit.

Can you share and let me learn how you overcame this problem.

this is what happens when you marry base on yansh and brea.st.

to be honest! your wife will never change going by the way you move this situation.

you are so soft and she is using that as an advantage. treat her with iron hand and show her that you are the man of the house not she

if she what to spend lavishly let her use her own money. women nowadays are not to be treated like gold but rather them want you to treat them like a log of woods.

close that door which you have open with force and see the outcome of it.

Exactly what I did with my Ex-wife. The next thing she did was Packed out all of my belongings back to her parents house.. Uncle no love I swear...





ote author=Dfinex post=52490199]Bros u need to force the reality down her throat ooo, even if it means slashing the domestic expenses by two or three sef. stop buying food items in large quantity . if she needs money don't give her the full amount....create the impression that u are going broke so she can spend more of her money. at least if she wants to be extravagant let her be extravagant with her own money.

by the time she goes broke with money coming from nowhere she will learn.

I mean why would an adult be behaving like a baby when even kids are aware of the harsh economic realities........mtcheeew every body with him own wahala, make I face my front joor.

[/quote]

its simple give her a fixed monthly allocation on all household expenses and whatever. if she spends it anyhow. let her suffer for it.

Had it been u guys were still dating, I'd have advised u not to marry her. Bur now that d did is done, make her understand that money is not meant to be lavished anyhow like she's one spoilt brat.. You both need to start saving towards your unborn children future and here she is spending on mundane things. Curb her incessant spending by making her live on budgets for the month. Give her her allowances monthly and make her understand that once she squanders everything, u don't have more to give her until the next month, I'm sure she knows the situation of the economy. If that doesn't still work, engage her in a heart to heart talk preferably in the middle of the night, telling her how hard u try to avoid her when making financial decisions..and everything u don't like abt her unnecessary spending. That she make her sober

Alondra:
This is what happens when you go extra miles to impress a lady during courtship. Its best to let your fiancée/ fiancé know your financial capability. Rushing into marriage is bad too, you never know some flaws in your partner.

Since you are married you can only handle this situation with patience and maturity. My advice is.. Cut down the allowance you give to her. You are the man so you have to act like one. Even when she complains tell her its all you could afford. But never spend what is left of the reduced allowance. Safe it.

Do this for some months, When the saved money is sufficient to get her something valuable that you know she needs... Get it for her with the money. Let her know it was bought from the money you saved.

She will be sober and see things from your angel. I.e the advantage of saving.

Marriage is an institution which has its wheels on maturity, patience and wisdom. You don't take drastic actions but correct with love.

Hopefully u are married dear. May your wisdom be a plus to your hubby

Simple solution: Just do an estimate of your household weekly expenditure and give her the money. You have to give her the money because women generally resent men buying foodstuffs and other household necessaries for them. Believe me, if you really want to live with a spendthrift as wife you must put your foot down otherwise she will eventually cause you financial ruin. Unfortunate that you didn't discover this trait in her before tying the knot. But some women are masters of deception in a good sense: if you give them house keep money they will complain it's too small, yet will still find a way to keep away a little out of without letting you know. When you are broke and your wife is a clever woman like this, you are lucky because she will bring out money from nowhere as it were to lend you, but will tell you it's "adashi" money she's keeping for her 'contribution" group or that her sister or friend gave her the money for safe keeping. Pray, you have a wife like this to always bail you out when you hit the rock towards month end.

Currently thanking God. Cos I thought my wife had issues with spending cash I nor sabi say God use am bless me. If I give her 200k this month, she Will only spend on basics and manage the weekly cash I drop. Six months time when I need emergency cash, that money fit done reach 250-300k for me to borrow first cos she nor dey even spend the salaries I pay her. No unnecessary spending and I saw this as not being classy or trendy. As she will rather make her dress than buy and I love her to spend the money, buy some trendy outfit, some good stuff but one na lie. She go rather make couples dress for two and keep the change than buy same for some thousands. Anytime I give her cash, na me come even dey spend am again cos she will save it all over the house. I never really valued it until now.

Just start a capital project, build or buy properties, explain to her why you need to and even ask her for support financially.

May GOD give you the wisdom/means to handle this critical habit, especially during recession!

This is serious

Genea:
Eeeeehya, I'm still single, can't relate

Atle@st, you can suggest a possible solution...

Seek an advice from a well to do, married Anambra man and your problems will be solved. Thank me later.

Where do you work? If its possible, liase with your accounts people to separate your pay into two accounts. On one, tie her phone number to the account. It will depict transparency on your part and the realization of dwindling income lines will force her to readjust to present conditions or contribute her own quota to the family cake (I do not however subscribe to husbands requesting wives to take up financial obligations).

Anuoluwapo3054:
Atle@st, you can suggest a possible solution...

sweetie, wish I cud

overcomer123:


asin she has said it before sef, that am a miser.

I will just keep praying about it and refuse all her frivolous acts. funny part is she always remember am the man in the house when it time to pay bills. Yet when it time for house chores and all she remembers we are same, hence we shd share the task.

I will also force her to begin to make contributions too, perhaps when she spends from her money she will understand.

I had a nasty debate on this very same issue with someone here.. .i think dealslip and another (not nasty though) with soonest. Since we are all equal, we should all contribute equally to every expense incurred at home irrespective of what you earn.

Thing is, you just don't know who a woman really is until you both are settled.

I'll suggest you continue to take the steps you've already taken.. .give her the much you think is okay and if she's not comfortable, she should either manage or add hers.

Would have been really great if you had done this when you guys were dating.

I can only hope she'll adjust. Only those who know what it means to grind under the sun to look for money so your loved ones would stay life (both men and women).

You were making a lot of sense and i was even considering to give you the best advice which is to divorce your wife immediately...

... until you called MMM a scam!

Greatzeus:
Bros, every marriage has its own challenges, I am telling you,if you hear some others women's fault in marriage, you'll give testimony about your wife.
Yes I know her habit regarding finance is not OK,but she could change if you convince her,that your cutting down on spending is for the good of the family, not that you don't want to spend. Cos sincerely that's what she thinks,that you have the money enough,but you don't want to spend it on your family. You know women don't think deep like that,no of fence intended.

that won't work!

probably she has one useless female friend who is advising her to not give a danm and keep telling her that he is spending his money on another person.

when a womAn started having many female friends, that's how them slowly becomes useless.

the only possible solution I see here is for him to use iron hand and threaten the hell out of her.

Issues like this usually occur during the first year of marriage. That's why this period of marriage is very important and fragile.

use God beg her. well, if she does that for the family then y crying out BT if she is the type DAT does not consider the family in her frivolous spending, sit her down and let her realise that she isn't the only one

Bro i surely can relate. Got a colleague who always buys and then consume 6 bottle water in the office. I told her the her future husband will have to sink a borehole only for her to say she doesn't drink borehole water only bottled and I be like where did the bottle water come from... heaven?? She believes if it isn't expensive it isn't good. Yet wonders why she has no bf till date buys only from shopping malls etc cos markets are not okay

Stuff like this get me scared of marriage

overcomer123:


asin she has said it before sef, that am a miser.

I will just keep praying about it and refuse all her frivolous acts. funny part is she always remember am the man in the house when it time to pay bills. Yet when it time for house chores and all she remembers we are same, hence we shd share the task.

I will also force her to begin to make contributions too, perhaps when she spends from her money she will understand.

Yea, you are the man of the house, that's why you have to grab your balls up and put your foot down, just be in charge, don't be sympathetic, she will understand later. My own opinion o.

jaz:
Bro i surely can relate. Got a colleague who always buys and then consume 6 bottle water in the office. I told her the her future husband will have to sink a borehole only for her to say she doesn't drink borehole water only bottled and I be like where did the bottle water come from... heaven?? She believes if it isn't expensive it isn't good. Yet wonders why she has no bf till date buys only from shopping malls etc cos markets are not okay

Sometimes stuffs at shopping malls are cheaper than what is in the local market.

Great6Pack:


Hopefully u are married dear. May your wisdom be a plus to your hubby

I'm not, Thanks all the same

kaboninc:



I had a nasty debate on this very same issue with someone here.. .i think dealslip and another (not nasty though) with soonest. Since we are all equal, we should all contribute equally to every expense incurred at home irrespective of what you earn.

[/b]Thing is, you just don't know who a woman really is until you both are settled.[b]

I'll suggest you continue to take the steps you've already taken.. .give her the much you think is okay and if she's not comfortable, she should either manage or add hers.

Would have been really great if you had done this when you guys were dating.

I can only hope she'll adjust. Only those who know what it means to grind under the sun to look for money so your loved ones would stay life (both men and women).

The bolded scares me.

God bless my wife, who is prudent more than me, and very understanding when there is no money, the little that is available she makes judicious use of resources.

overcomer123:
How do couples with different spending patterns cope

my partner is driving me crazy, we have been fighting about everything that has to do with money, she is kinda of lavish and i am prudent. It is really frustrating, she sees me as a miser. She has this idea the higher the cost the more quality, but i know this is not necessary the case. at least from experience, i know how people inflate prices , i try to spend on actual value. I have sat her down and explained to her. How we should nt waste, she promises to change but next thing she is back to the basics.

I also think i may be partially responsible for this, during our courtship, i use to lavish her with very expensive gifts. which to me shd nt be a crime, I wasnt spending beyond my means and there is nothing wrong in giving your woman some exclusive treats once in a while what now bothers me is she expects the cinderella story will continue forever.

There was a day the argument got so intense, she began to say very uncool stuff, on hw she know i hate spending on her and always complain. i really felt hurt. She never looks at the big picture, it is always the most expensive stuff she wants, whenever we do anything.

Our counseling was rushed and proper attention wasnt given to finances and all, everyone just believes she is a well behaved girl. We just got married, I really dont know how i missed this earlier during courtship, but it really causing alot of whahala in our home. The funny part is most of this so called expenses are usually to be solely footed by me. My wife has not for one day called me to say she too will contribute this amount for this or that. I dont complain, or expect, where i have problem is when i decide to pay and she complains it is nt good enough. Am sure if her money was involved she would understand what i mean.

Currently i earn more than her, i found a temporary solution which is to keep her out of the financial decisions, Whenever. i want to buy stuff for the house I dont consult her anymore, i just go and buy the stuff and return home showing her i bought it, instead of the normal asking her which is better and she picks and we begin to fight and argue. This is temporal and actually not the best but what can i do? The fights are just getting to me.

When we started i used to expose her to how much I had and all and plans to maybe get a land and all and maybe start bulding. She knows how much i earn and all. but i dont think she is matured to handled some of these things. And i guess cos she knows of the money available (my saivngs) this is why she just goes for the most expensive and all and just acts lavish.

I had to lie to her that i was scammed of several of millions through MMM to make her forget about the available cash.

Just imagine the rubbish i have to go through.

See me see whahala , me and my own wife again.

Is anyone dating a partner with an opposite spending habit.

Can you share and let me learn how you overcame this problem.

You see where I marked bold? That's the root of her behavior.

The most common mistake some men make is that they use money to get a woman they want to marry. You can use money to get a woman for one night stand but NOT the one you hope to marry!

When you use money to get a woman, you may not know if the woman is in the relationship for the money or not! And some women hardly go backwards in lifestyle. When you start spending a lot of money on her from the very beginning, that's the life style she will continue expecting in the relationship. When you stop spending, problem starts.

Even if you're a billionaire NEVER start a relationship expensively if you really want a woman who will love you for who you're and not for the material stuff she stands to gain from you. Let the woman know the real you not your money.

Hard truth...
....

She might start considering getting her lavish money elsewhere....

That being said....how much does SHE make/earn?? And is it your own money she throwing around....

Bros there is no way outa this.
Ur bae is either a spoilt brat or a hopper who JUST settled with you for the tag of being married...

You will have to endure dis one....

tis man said it all.