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Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision - Family (3) - Nairaland

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Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by Abiagirl777(f): 11:46am On Apr 26, 2017
BuariCopyPaste:
Anyone else that knows the mods here should kindly tag them for me please

nnam forgive them,it is only poverty and greed that would spur such.that's how the mbano girl and her family my bro married couldn't account for the money for the trad; no food no water and guests were arriving. if not for the food my ppl came with,it almost ended in a fight.
even Omugwo ,the mother said my bro has to bring drinks to inform her officially that her daughter has given birth,my bro told her to forget and my mum later went.she came 1 mth later after she waited for drinks and got tired.
It is now you put your feet down and say how you want your marriage to be,if not you go tire everyday.

2 Likes

Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by Nobody: 12:02pm On Apr 26, 2017
Karma is just a bitch! You short changed and disgraced your inlaws by impregnating their daughter before the normal stuffs... Why will day waste money on the marriage of after 1??

2 Likes

Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by ghostmist: 12:03pm On Apr 26, 2017
Hehehehe....its like babymama is now the in-thing. it seems i have developed a morbid fear of marriage.

1 Like

Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by AntiWailer: 12:03pm On Apr 26, 2017
U need plenty growing up to do.

1 Like

Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by Nobody: 12:03pm On Apr 26, 2017
catlova2:
What wud anyone expect from someone with ur kinda moniker. Shows how senseless u can b.

Actually you're the one that's is senseless not the op.
Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by goody1shoe73(m): 12:06pm On Apr 26, 2017
You have an almost 2yr old son..I didn't marry last week then
Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by OpenGames: 12:06pm On Apr 26, 2017
Fifthcolumnist:
If your story is complete and true then your wife is entirely to blame. Although, I think fuming at her to save face was unnecessary and poorly managed. You know women are proud beings and hate being attacked even when they are wrong.

But, you can't risk loosing your marriage for the sake of pride and "saving face". Infact, if your marriage breaks down after just one week together, you'll have no face at all how much more one to save. You have to loosen up, swallow your high standards, and play the fool for the sake of your marriage before things get out of hand. Apologise to her and her family telling them, the stress of the whole event got to you and you're sorry you managed the situation poorly. Do this in the interest of peace and forget about rightness or wrong. After all, it's your marriage to keep, not theirs' or anyone else's.

No advice this kind thing abeg. They ll ride him for the rest of his life.
My advice: just ignore all of them and continue ur life. No be person go tell ur wife before she begin run come back. By d time her village people begin ask am questions that touch.
They must have seen u love her to an extent and want to suck ur blood ...don't try apologising or anything. Just ignore...manage and be raising ur son...don't pick their calls and don't give them audience.

If possible, if u can handle it well...let another woman be seen around ur house and let it filter back to her that u ve seen replacement...all things will fall into place.
You just can not allow ur wife and her family to control you...it is just too early in the marriage for that.

Don't dull yourself.

3 Likes

Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by Wapizy(m): 12:08pm On Apr 26, 2017
BuariCopyPaste:

On arriving her dad's compound, I was stunned to realize her mother didn't make the provisions of which I paid her for.
The DJ wasn't on ground, the canopies were just 3 and looking dirty, the chairs were not up to half of what i paid for. There was no light, no microphone, no decorations, the few food cooked were not served to guest and I was devastated.
that's sign your wife family doesn't want you but want to eat your money so run with your kid 40 40.......before you die before her

3 Likes

Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by tossie101(f): 12:08pm On Apr 26, 2017
[Ha
Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by Jabioro: 12:09pm On Apr 26, 2017
I don't see that marriage lasted any longer. The baby between you raised a concern issue, check him, you might not be the rightful father, your ex-wife to be and your ex mother in law knows better. When your eyes are patient enough both will see your nose.. Calm down do not say anything, no fuming,no meeting except if they call you for such, Just be yourself.. for now

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by ahonye15: 12:09pm On Apr 26, 2017
First and foremost where has she been after your traditional wedding? Secondly, was her attitude like this before you guys did your wedding? If not go for DNA of the child because that's the next thing she will come up with that afterall you're not the father of the child. After then ask for God direction. Is you ur marriage you know what you want you can speak for yourself man.

3 Likes

Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by Nobody: 12:09pm On Apr 26, 2017
Flatheadds and their treacherous attitude. I'm not surprised. The average igbo's love for money will make him steal, kill and backstab

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Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by CEO1(m): 12:10pm On Apr 26, 2017
I will advice you to leave her with her problem and take care of the 10 month old child. Just Leave her on her own... Her Mum is the one causing it... Leave her and take care of the baby... If she comes back, accept her but Mad at her before accepting her Back (A Man should react Like a Man)... But don't listen to Bad advice ooooooooooo

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Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by jjjjj2017: 12:10pm On Apr 26, 2017
BuariCopyPaste:



I settled them months before the actual date.
you need to calm down & apologize to her not because that you are a fool but for the sake of your marriage & your baby. when everything is settled, sit her down & let her realize that you felt disappointed about what happened on the traditional wedding day which makes you act in such manner. if she failed to change her ways, just let her be the boss till your baby reaches 2.5years then divorce her.

1 Like

Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by DrSleekQas(m): 12:10pm On Apr 26, 2017
wrong foundation.

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Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by Kaybaba5(m): 12:10pm On Apr 26, 2017
Patience is the key especially when it comes to woman wahala. Abeg Mr man just calm yourself down and everything will be okay

1 Like

Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by gnykelly(m): 12:10pm On Apr 26, 2017
BuariCopyPaste:
Anyone else that knows the mods here should kindly tag them for me please

the contents of your write up and your signature says a lot about your state of mind. the problem might be you.

1 Like

Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by Nobody: 12:10pm On Apr 26, 2017
Fifthcolumnist:
If your story is complete and true then your wife is entirely to blame. Although, I think fuming at her to save face was unnecessary and poorly managed. You know women are proud beings and hate being attacked even when they are wrong.

But, you can't risk loosing your marriage for the sake of pride and "saving face". Infact, if your marriage breaks down after just one week together, you'll have no face at all how much more one to save. You have to loosen up, swallow your high standards, and play the fool for the sake of your marriage before things get out of hand. Apologise to her and her family telling them, the stress of the whole event got to you and you're sorry you managed the situation poorly. Do this in the interest of peace and forget about rightness or wrong. After all, it's your marriage to keep, not theirs' or anyone else's.


I must say that this would set a bad precedent. For the mother to brazenly cheat on the guy on his marriage day says a lot about her.

He made a mistake to have let the marriage even happen.

Going this 'saving face' route may be mistake number two.

The wife's behavior makes one wonder if she listens more to her husband than to her mother.

Moreover, this woman could wake up any day and make some accusation and say she wants to leave.

Or he could forgive your wife but give the mother a life ban from your house. She is such a wicked woman.


Just my thoughts. I'm not here to argue who is right.

1 Like

Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by Nobody: 12:11pm On Apr 26, 2017
BuariCopyPaste:



No sings really....We have actually lived for two years before officially getting married
this right here is the problem, I think the fact that you have been living together is why they are not "excited" about the whole thing, I suggest you calm down

2 Likes

Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by toogbasky(m): 12:12pm On Apr 26, 2017
BuariCopyPaste:
Dear members...i am of the type that says NO to bringing marital shortcomings to the social media but I just realized why others do so.
I formerly got married on Tuesday 18th April but we are already headed for a bitter divorce.

To cut the story short, the whole issue started at the ground of our traditional marriage(Igba Nkwu).
On arriving her dad's compound, I was stunned to realize her mother didn't make the provisions of which I paid her for.
The DJ wasn't on ground, the canopies were just 3 and looking dirty, the chairs were not up to half of what i paid for. There was no light, no microphone, no decorations, the few food cooked were not served to guest and I was devastated.
Out of anger and dissappointment, I started lashing out at my wife and she broke down in tears begging me for forgiveness.
We managed to forge ahead till the the ceremony ended and we headed for my house.
As our tradition demands, the newly married bride sees off her Aso ebis and return in the evening same day to welcome visitors. But alas, my wife went and never came back till Friday evening.

I queried her on her whereabout only for her reply in a harsh manner saying "where do you expect me to be", don't make me angry"
God!! I couldn't believe it as it made me more mad in anger so I asked her to return to wherever she's coming from and leave our son behind(yes we already a year and 10 months old son). I actually made this decision to save face else how do I clarify the absence of my wife and son to visitors and well-wishers trooping in to see them?
She hurriedly dashed into the room and picked her phone and stormed out of the house. Now her mother is accussing me of taking her daughter's son from her and stripping her of her belongings.

Now my wife is saying she's no longer interested in the marriage likewise her people(her father is late). I am still fuming with anger that I am at loss of what to do. I am not prepared to raise my son alone neither do I want him to be raised by her mother alone.

Should I initiate a peace move and apologize to her or should I move on with life.....I am seriously confused and fuming with anger that I was shortchanged and offended and still expected to offer apologies.


There are so many burdens you have to let go as a man,,,,, this is just d first test you got, and you are currently failing,, go to a quiet place, think, re think, and think again, take in fresh air into ur system for atleast 1 to 2 hours,,, think of all d wonderful moments you shared wit her...., dis wud allow u forgive her even without her apology(a simple psychological therapy), call her, do not involve her family, just call her and speak to her privately, remind her of all d good tyms u had wit her, apologise for getting angry, let her know you are only human, let her understand how much it hurts you DAT she wanna give u up just lyk that..., tell her to she shud realise wit you lies her family, and it takes togeda to build DAT family.., den finally tell her how much you care abt her. This wud dig into her conscience, she's surely gonna apologise after dis,,, forgive all my errors oooo

2 Likes

Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by bezimo(m): 12:13pm On Apr 26, 2017
waywardpikin:
The first thing I can deduce from this story (if true) is that you married from a very wrong family. There are many families like this in obodo lagos, where there is an absence of a strong & rational male figure as the head of the home (yeah I know, he's late). Families like this have little or no regard for marriage, which explains the reason why the mum is solidly behind her. This explains why the arrangements for your traditional marriage were so shoddy. The money probably went into more important things like Aso ebi, ankara, jewelry and other n.gbati n.gbati. No be today something.

I have no advice for you; most likely you saw the signs but decided that 'true love conquers all.' Thus, I'd like to use your story as a good opportunity to advice people out there (men and women alike) to critically observe the family of the person you intend to marry before taking that crucial life-altering step. In most cases, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

Xoxo,

Wayward Pikin.
Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by ikemesit4477: 12:13pm On Apr 26, 2017
BuariCopyPaste:
Dear members...i am of the type that says NO to bringing marital shortcomings to the social media but I just realized why others do so.
I formerly got married on Tuesday 18th April but we are already headed for a bitter divorce.

To cut the story short, the whole issue started at the ground of our traditional marriage(Igba Nkwu).
On arriving her dad's compound, I was stunned to realize her mother didn't make the provisions of which I paid her for.
The DJ wasn't on ground, the canopies were just 3 and looking dirty, the chairs were not up to half of what i paid for. There was no light, no microphone, no decorations, the few food cooked were not served to guest and I was devastated.
Out of anger and dissappointment, I started lashing out at my wife and she broke down in tears begging me for forgiveness.
We managed to forge ahead till the the ceremony ended and we headed for my house.
As our tradition demands, the newly married bride sees off her Aso ebis and return in the evening same day to welcome visitors. But alas, my wife went and never came back till Friday evening.

I queried her on her whereabout only for her reply in a harsh manner saying "where do you expect me to be", don't make me angry"
God!! I couldn't believe it as it made me more mad in anger so I asked her to return to wherever she's coming from and leave our son behind(yes we already a year and 10 months old son). I actually made this decision to save face else how do I clarify the absence of my wife and son to visitors and well-wishers trooping in to see them?
She hurriedly dashed into the room and picked her phone and stormed out of the house. Now her mother is accussing me of taking her daughter's son from her and stripping her of her belongings.

Now my wife is saying she's no longer interested in the marriage likewise her people(her father is late). I am still fuming with anger that I am at loss of what to do. I am not prepared to raise my son alone neither do I want him to be raised by her mother alone.

Should I initiate a peace move and apologize to her or should I move on with life.....I am seriously confused and fuming with anger that I was shortchanged and offended and still expected to offer apologies.
op one thing I notice, is like you are hot temper! No lady will like to have a hot temper man as a husband, so try to work on yourself first! Cos it is too early to contemplate on divorce, confide to your pastor, let your pastor talk to her family first! Don't go directly on your own to apologize, by doing that you may be adding more fuel to the fire!

1 Like

Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by bumi10(m): 12:14pm On Apr 26, 2017
na wa oooo


marriage

2 Likes

Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by DeRay98(m): 12:15pm On Apr 26, 2017
baibrown:
Horrible woman to leave from Tuesday to Friday with no explanation. I'm sure you hurt her feelings very well but to leave for 3 nights you must not accept or you lose all power forever. Keep the child until she begs you to forgive her but don't forget to apologize first for hurting her on her wedding day.

Well, said.

2 Likes

Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by Nobody: 12:16pm On Apr 26, 2017
That one no be wife. She and her mother are thieves. But really why do igbo mothers have too much love for money causing them to mislead their daughters to making the wrong decisions.

BuariCopyPaste:
Dear members...i am of the type that says NO to bringing marital shortcomings to the social media but I just realized why others do so.
I formerly got married on Tuesday 18th April but we are already headed for a bitter divorce.
.

1 Like

Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by 2016v2017: 12:16pm On Apr 26, 2017
Mindfulness:
Calm down first.

Don't take any decisions while you are still 'fuming with anger'.

You will know what to do when you calm down.

Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by dayus12(f): 12:16pm On Apr 26, 2017
Uncle, you need to seriously calm down....I feel you a bit but seriously all those stuffs are not enough to call it off....Don't let divorce be your option...Have a serious talk with your wife n get things right... in love,let her know your stand and what will also give her peace....about the in laws, you can set boundaries and know what and what to delegate to them......Sincerely, if you start considering divorce now, you may not see anything good in the marriage and eventually still divorce(that won't be your option)....Try and settle your family issue,no matter what....

1 Like

Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by 2016v2017: 12:16pm On Apr 26, 2017
mohaMADbuari:
Nawao.... I feel your pain OP....

Some in-laws are just wicked

1 Like

Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by Nobody: 12:16pm On Apr 26, 2017
Apple1992:


Actually you're the one that's is senseless not the op.

Means there are two senseless ones. You and the OP
Re: Married Last Week, Already Set For Divorce. Help A Nairalander Make A Decision by repogirl(f): 12:17pm On Apr 26, 2017
OP, you don enter o!

I advise you to stand your ground and not beg her family. You did nothing wrong. Hold on to your son,when your wife is ready she will come to her husbands house. It might be hard caring for him in the beginning but you will get a hang of it after a while, it will become routine.

It seems the womans family is trying you to see the type of man you will be. If you start by begging for your wife, you will beg always. Your wife is wrong and she has to know she is very wrong. They kuku have no male figure of authority and thats why they are doing this. Sorry to say but some mothers no just dey try at all!

Another thing you can do is storm her house but not to beg. To complain that you dont understand what they are up to, she and her mother. Dont sound like you are begging o, sound like a dissatisfied husband. Go with elderly family members to resolve the issue.

3 Likes

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