Perspectives:
Marriage is one of the next thing in my life right now and I don't want to get it wrong.

What are those things that can convince a person to tie a knot without regretting later in the future?

Are there signs that should be looked out for?

What are those red flags that shouldn't be ignored?

Married people, about to married, people in serious relationship, please we need your input.

Marry your friend for at least 3years of devot friendship

Perspectives:
Marriage is one of the next thing in my life right now and I don't want to get it wrong.

What are those things that can convince a person to tie a knot without regretting later in the future?

Are there signs that should be looked out for?

What are those red flags that shouldn't be ignored?

Married people, about to married, people in serious relationship, please we need your input.

M-O-N-E-Y!
Your usage of the english language sha!

Counsel on how to achieve happiness in the family is offered from all sides. In the West, a never ending stream of self-help books and magazines offer advice. The problem is that human counselors contradict one another, and what is fashionable counsel today may be viewed as unworkable tomorrow.
So, Dear where then, can we look for a reliable family guidance? Well, would you look to a book completed some 1900 years ago? or would you feel that such a book is hopelessly out-of-date? the truth is, the real secret of family happiness is found in just such a source. That source is the Bible. according to all evidence, it was inspired by God himself. The Bible itself confirms that when it says at 2Timothy 3:16 that "All scripture is inspired of God and beneficial for teaching, for reproving, for setting things straight, for disciplining in righteousness. I'll encourage you to consider how the Bible can help you prepare adequately well for marriage. If you're inclined to dismiss the possibility that the Bible can help make families happy, why not think of the fact that the One who inspired the Bible is also the originator of the marriage arrangement, so he will have the best advice for since he knows the in and out of it. (Genesis 2:18-25).
The post seems long already so I'll continue in my next post about how one can prepare for a successful marriage.

Preparing for a successful Marriage requires a lot.
Constructing a building requires careful preparation. before the foundation is laid, land must be acquired and plans drawn up. however, something else is vital. The Bible records @ Luke 14:28 Jesus' statement when he said: "Who of you that wants to build a tower does not first sit down and calculate the expense, to see if he has enough to complete it? what is true of Constructing a building also applies to Constructing a successful marriage. many say: "I want to get married" but how many stop to consider the cost? ( I must commend you for having such for sight) While the Bible speaks favourably of marriage, it also draws attention to the challenges that marriages presents. (Proverbs 18:22; 1Cor. 7:28) Therefore, those contemplating marriage need to have a realistic view of both the blessings and the cost of being married. Using the principles found in the Bible one should be able to determine the answers to such questions as: Am I ready for marriage?, What should I look for in a mate?, How can courtship be kept honourable?
Are you ready for marriage?
Getting married seems challenging enough; however, maintaining a marital relationship year after year must also be considered. what does maintaining such a relationship entail? a vital factor is a wholehearted commitment. here is how the Bible describes marriage relationship: "A man will leave his father and mother and he MUST stick to his WIFE and they must become ONE flesh".(Genesis 2:24) Jesus Christ gave the only scriptural basis for divorce with the possibility of re-marriage - "fornication", that is, illicit sex relations outside the marriage. (mathew 19:9) if you're contemplating marriage, bear these scriptural standards in mind. if you're not ready for this solemn commitment, then you're not ready for marriage. Deuteronomy 23:21; Ecclesiastes 5:4,5.
Know yourself first. do you find it easy to list the qualities you want in a mate? Most do. however, what about your own qualities? what traits do you have that will help you contribute to a successful marriage? what type of husband or wife will you be? for example, do you freely admit your mistakes and accept advice, or are you always defensive when corrected? are you generally cheerful and optimistic? or do you tend to be gloomy, frequently complaining? ( proverbs 8:33; 15:15). always remember that marriage will not change your personality. if you're proud, oversensitive, or overly pessimistic when single, you will be the same when married. if you learn or find out these changes that needs to be made, work on these before taking steps to marry.

Mutual Love and respect will make any marriage last long. In addition, make sure you love the idea of spending the rest of your life with someone you can call your own. True and happy marriage radiates self-sacrifice,respect, passion and trust between partners in a way that's is so beautiful and commendable. In summary, to enjoy fully the benefit of marriage, we just need to see it the way Jehovah it's originator sees it.
Thanks.

1bkaye:

Na wa for you o Ib. .
check ya mail na

daylyt:


Lolzz

See rain o

LalaLushness:

See rain o

Bumosky!

Where's the rain?

Omo think about that thing wey i ask you na

daylyt:


Bumosky!

Where's the rain?

Omo think about that thing wey i ask you na

It will cost
U know I only think bout work .. so how we go take do am na
Baddes

LalaLushness:


It will cost
U know I only think bout work .. so how we go take do am na
Baddes

All work and no play... finish am

You go just find way to do am noni..

Osky of life!

daylyt:


All work and no play... finish am

You go just find way to do am noni..

Osky of life!

Me wan retire jare
u know the ans you just want try again ni

LalaLushness:

Me wan retire jare
u know the ans you just want try again ni

Lolzz.. u wan retire early like footballers abi..
you no say I no go gree na!

daylyt:


Na wa for you o Ib. .
check ya mail na

Lol but I said I don't interact outside of the forum though

1bkaye:

Lol but I said I don't interact outside of the forum though

November 8th hope u break your rule

1bkaye:

Lol but I said I don't interact outside of the forum though

That doesn't mean you can't read your mail na.. Hian!

Perspectives:


Your advice is priceless sir. I appreciate.

Lalasticlala, I think a lot of people need to see this.

Just to Add a Little to the Guide

To answer The Who and How Question of choosing a spouse, you may try the under listed.

1. Have an Idea of the type of lady you could marry in mind.

2. Reduce the Qualities that summarizes the person to just 3 that you feel you cannot compromise on (e.g God fearing, Great cook, Natural Home maker, Integrity, Self Driven and Motivated, Hardworking, Simple and down to earth, Thrifty, Native Intelligence, Humorous, Introvert , Extrovert, Fat, Slim, Fair, Dark Skin, First born , Last Born, Middle position etc)

3. If God fearing is critical to you for instance -

a. Test the person on this.
b. A test i recommend in this area is to ask the person to relate a story of when a friend/somebody has failed her and what her reaction was. c. When you have your take away from the chat run it for validation check from any live instance you observe.
d. The take away from this is that if she is vengeful and cannot forgive people who wronged her and move on, that is a class you may find yourself in future if she feels you have committed a cardinal sin against her.

4. Finances - Is the person ostentatious, reasonable in demand, love to share, plan to spend, stingy, spendthrift, wasteful, gluttonous, practical, compulsive, impulsive, materialistic etc.

a. if Reasonable in demand and not materialistic (she will support you to build easily)
b. if compulsive and ostentatious (she will be a heavy demand on your finances for materialistic things and may not be easily disposed to building with you)

Above is just in addition.

Piiko:
November 8th hope u break your rule

Lool

daylyt:


That doesn't mean you can't read your mail na.. Hian!

Is that not interacting outside? Lol

Be responsible in your marriage make your spouse your best friend

1bkaye:

Is that not interacting outside? Lol

No joo

daylyt:


No joo

Lol sorry

Why did u say call and talk instead of other means?

tobianthony:


Funny enough I have never gone for counseling I just made a lot of mistakes ...

Communication is important too ...the one thing I can say is don't let social media be the key medium of communication . Call and talk to your partner .

If you guys want I could give more advice Sha just open a thread and ask me .

People do not like what I say because it's the realistic truth .

Great piece of advice.

tobianthony:
When it comes to marriage first things first you need to know yourself and you need to be painfully realistic with yourself .

Finances - very very key ... Ask your partner to write down at least five financial principles they believe in and practice . Nobody has enough money to do what they want all the time it's all about managing resources .

Spirituality - if you guys are not on the same level spiritually you need to resolve this .

Sexuality - everybody more than often cheats one way or the other ...do not let this bug you to the point of insanity just take it for what it is and respect boundaries . Make sure your partner is on the same level with you when it comes to sex . If you are a level 9 on the freak meter do not marry a level 5 or below . If you do be prepared to come down to her level or cheat .

Family - the average Nigerian woman expects you to take care of her family from time to time in one way or the other ...draw the line according to your capacity .

Life goals - Be clear about where you are going in life and see if they support you . if your partner is not an entrepreneur or more like a salary inclined person be careful and expose her to your world if it's the other way do the same . be open with your finances . Trust me the day you die you die you do not want her to start running around like a headless chicken looking for money .

Children - don't let anyone steamroll you into having children if you can't afford to ...we men need to stop this attitude of making babies we can't​ afford to feed . Make sure you are clear on how many kids you want and do not ...I repeat do not exceed that number . Three is the maximum .

Conflict resolution - make sure your partner is emotionally experienced and intelligent to say I'm sorry and move on . You must learn to forgive and forget . Your wife go do you many things that will make you want to run her over with your car and vice versa just forgive and do your best .

My dude it's an adventure many have entered and some failed while some people succeeded . Nobody has a perfect marriage .

If you think you are ready take your partner to justice Idowu's court at igbosherie Lagos high court and sit down and watch divorce proceedings and just note the mistakes that people make .

Even if you do all this still might not go according to plan .

Marriage is a Ponzi scheme and the best thing in life at the same time ...those who take advantage of the system will enjoy it .

All the best .

Perspectives:


Thanks man, you see, about your points:

1. I think am being true to myself, I know exactly what I want in a woman, and am being flexible about it, I know I can't mould a human being.

2. Am also being realistic with my expectations , I know there's no perfect woman out there.

3. Am ready to tolerate someone but you know we all have limits.

4. Am also ready to discipline myself to be a better man.

---

Now, this is where the issue lies, those things I mentioned above are all about me. The question I would like you to answer are as follows :

1. How am I sure that she's also being true to herself, not expecting me to be perfect and all that.

2. Even if she's all good and everything right now, what's the probability that she won't transform into something else after marriage.

3. If she's not perfect or meet up to my expectations, is it okay to take the risk and tie the know hoping we'll work it out along the line (at least we say no one is perfect).

4. How will I know of she will stay true to me in hard times.

5. Can I be certain that a particular woman will be faithful through her character in this age of pretence. Even if she seems faithful, how will I know if her ex won't come back and try to have way with her even after marriage or even some random guy when am busy.

So many other questions running through my mind but they are all based around the fact that is there a way to know a woman who won't give you problem in your married life because obviously it is no longer about love as it used to be in those days.

Pray and follow God's direction

beyondwalls:

Why do u say call and talk instead of other means?

Brother when I was engaged ...I made a terrible mistake ...my fiance and I were always chatting ..nothing bad there oh ...

But when you chat people do not hear the tone in your voice and they interpret your chats according to their insecurities they feel for you .

For instance if you chat her up and ask how she spends her money ...if she feels that you are trying to leave her ...she will interpret that as why are you always asking me for money are you gold digger ...

Don't know if I make sense ...

For sensitive talks use the phone and always record your arguments go over them and see where you went wrong .

tobianthony:


Brother when I was engaged ...I made a terrible mistake ...my fiance and I were always chatting ..nothing bad there oh ...

But when you chat people do not hear the tone in your voice and they interpret your chats according to their insecurities they feel for you .

For instance if you chat her up and ask how she spends her money ...if she feels that you are trying to leave her ...she will interpret that as why are you always asking me for money are you gold digger ...

Don't know if I make sense ...

For sensitive talks use the phone and always record your arguments go over them and see where you went wrong .

Always call and talk to your partner way more than you chat to them

Brother take a deep breath

You sound panicked.

Look in this life you can't always have it your way even though it make seem other do. You are striving to have a good marriage and a good mother for your future kids too.


You are worried she would falter, abandon you or worse. You are over thinking this and its understandable.

Confidence helps a lot too that you'd get through rough times and it seems to me that you don't know where to find a good wife from....lessen your standards(beauty, Intelligence etc) that is the beginning of your compromise.


If you do pray then pray to God that you make the right decision[/quote] very well said

daylyt:


Lolzz.. u wan retire early like footballers abi..
you no say I no go gree na!

Yes o before age 30 na to dey look the wonders of hard work remain
Anyway you sure u wanna come down here with all this terror threat biko .. no take connecting flight o

LalaLushness:

Yes o before age 30 na to dey look the wonders of hard work remain
Anyway you sure u wanna come down here with all this terror threat biko .. no take connecting flight o

Hian!

Wetin man go do na..

I'm covered by the blood of Jesus!

Makes sense.
Thanks for sharing.

tobianthony:


Brother when I was engaged ...I made a terrible mistake ...my fiance and I were always chatting ..nothing bad there oh ...

But when you chat people do not hear the tone in your voice and they interpret your chats according to their insecurities they feel for you .

For instance if you chat her up and ask how she spends her money ...if she feels that you are trying to leave her ...she will interpret that as why are you always asking me for money are you gold digger ...

Don't know if I make sense ...

For sensitive talks use the phone and always record your arguments go over them and see where you went wrong .

tobianthony:
When it comes to marriage first things first you need to know yourself and you need to be painfully realistic with yourself .

Finances - very very key ... Ask your partner to write down at least five financial principles they believe in and practice . Nobody has enough money to do what they want all the time it's all about managing resources .

Spirituality - if you guys are not on the same level spiritually you need to resolve this .

Sexuality - everybody more than often cheats one way or the other ...do not let this bug you to the point of insanity just take it for what it is and respect boundaries . Make sure your partner is on the same level with you when it comes to sex . If you are a level 9 on the freak meter do not marry a level 5 or below . If you do be prepared to come down to her level or cheat .

Family - the average Nigerian woman expects you to take care of her family from time to time in one way or the other ...draw the line according to your capacity .

Life goals - Be clear about where you are going in life and see if they support you . if your partner is not an entrepreneur or more like a salary inclined person be careful and expose her to your world if it's the other way do the same . be open with your finances . Trust me the day you die you die you do not want her to start running around like a headless chicken looking for money .

Children - don't let anyone steamroll you into having children if you can't afford to ...we men need to stop this attitude of making babies we can't​ afford to feed . Make sure you are clear on how many kids you want and do not ...I repeat do not exceed that number . Three is the maximum .

Conflict resolution - make sure your partner is emotionally experienced and intelligent to say I'm sorry and move on . You must learn to forgive and forget . Your wife go do you many things that will make you want to run her over with your car and vice versa just forgive and do your best .

My dude it's an adventure many have entered and some failed while some people succeeded . Nobody has a perfect marriage .

If you think you are ready take your partner to justice Idowu's court at igbosherie Lagos high court and sit down and watch divorce proceedings and just note the mistakes that people make .

Even if you do all this still might not go according to plan .

Marriage is a Ponzi scheme and the best thing in life at the same time ...those who take advantage of the system will enjoy it .

All the best .

Is this applicable to only the males?

CAMNEWTON4PRES:
Compromise....willingness to let your significant be right or win sometimes