It's a very long story but let me cut it short

Back in my secondary days my sister got married to a man from Imo state, within two years they gave birth to two beautiful daughters (twins), few months after giving birth the husband was diagnosed with eye cancer, which after much treatment he passed away.

The families of the man refused my sister of everything, they went as far as telling her to go away with the kids, that they are evil, that they want nothing to do with her and the children. So she came back home, my parents tried everything possible to resolve the issue but to no avail, so we accepted the kids as ours, they even started bearing our last name.

Few years later a man asked for my sister's hand in marriage, like two to three years into the marriage she gave birth to a boy and a girl, by then I was already schooling in UNN and I normally don't travel back home constantly. She calls at times to ask how I was doing and sometimes complains of how her husband doesn't bring money for anything in the house, that she is the one that pays for everything concerning the kids schooling, that she can count the number of times her husband brings money for paying of rent and for feeding.

She reported him to his people but nothing was done, after much complaining she said she's not interested in the marriage anymore, some of our family members advise her not to leave the marriage that is not right via her being married before, but she refused, that she can't be the man in the house by taking care of everything that they (the husband and her) should be doing together. So she went ahead to rent her own apartment and brought along her the two kids, few months after moving out her husband was evicted for failing to pay his rent.

I graduated this year and decided to go visit her and from there find something doing before I leave for service, on my reaching there I asked her what is happening via her marriage, she told me that since she moved here her husband has never for once asked of the kids, even to send money for their upkeep he has not done it, so out of anger he sent his son to him as he is the eldest, to take care of him.

Since I got to her house there is this guy that visits her and calls her constantly, she even visits him almost if not every night.

I want to talk to her about it, so everyone in the house please what can I do? Should I stay mute or not? If not, what should I tell her?

She should just end the marriage formally and flex, thank God she complained about the wedding but they encouraged her to stay.

It's her life tho, but if she wants to be doing that rubbish , she should get a divorce properly anything other than that is adultery and she will later regret it altogether.
My kobo!

What has she done to make the man a better husband? If she cnt do anything to make her marriage work, then She should divorce properly if she doesn't want to b tagged a B*tch.. What insolence
@op, talk sense into her head, i cnt believe a graduate is asking this question.

What was the so called husband expecting when he failed to be responsible to his wife and kids?. As far as I'm concerned, they stopped being married long ago, perhaps you think she's still married 'cause they've not divorced legally. That being said, if you're concerned about her life I'm sure she'll ask you to mind your business 'cause she's an adult.

Okay

Advise her oo or even report her to d husband

The man could not even pay his rent which means that he is seriously financially handicap, therefore for the wife to leave him at such instances shows that she is not understanding

She should have quietly left instead of cheating. She can still leave.

There are numerous women who support their families with little or no input from their husbands, a good number of them didn't resort to adultery.

I believe there are some who separated or divorced their husbands on account of their financial irresponsibility.

Its better to leave than cheat in a marriage.

She should get a proper divorce and she can choose to do whatever she wants.

TreasuredLeidy:
What has she done to make the man a better husband? If she cnt do anything to make her marriage work, then She should divorce properly if she doesn't want to b tagged a B*tch.. What insolence
@op, talk sense into her head, i cnt believe a graduate is asking this question.

Seriously I don't want to Invade her space, and besides I'm graduate but have no experience via marriage stuffs.... I don't see it as a big of a deal asking those sort of questions

thorpido:
She should get a proper divorce and she can choose to do whatever she wants.

She feels they already have an understanding about not being together anymore

kennygee:
She should have quietly left instead of cheating. She can still leave.

There are numerous women who support their families with little or no input from their husbands, a good number of them didn't resort to adultery.

I believe there are some who separated or divorced their husbands on account of their financial irresponsibility.

Its better to leave than cheat in a marriage.

What I understand is that she feels that if she continues to shoulder the responsibilities the husband will continue to be reluctant to do something tangible with his life.

The man drinks and smoke a lot without bringing money to help out in the family

nrexzy:
Advise her oo or even report her to d husband

Do you feel that Is the appropriate thing to do?

Stop using "via", you misusing the word.

Advise her to get a divorce, it's obvious the marriage ended a long time ago

Benita27:
What was the so called husband expecting when he failed to be responsible to his wife and kids?. As far as I'm concerned, they stopped being married long ago, perhaps you think she's still married 'cause they've not divorced legally. That being said, if you're concerned about her life I'm sure she'll ask you to mind your business 'cause she's an adult.

Going to a year now, the husband has never for once asked about his daughter, his son that is with him sef has no formal textbooks they use in school and my sis refuses to send to him to buy textbooks for him, saying he is his responsibility

Chommieblaq:
Stop using "via", you misusing the word.

Advise her to get a divorce, it's obvious the marriage ended a long time ago

Thanks for the correction.

Will talk to her about it

modelmike7:
It's her life tho, but if she wants to be doing that rubbish , she should get a divorce properly anything other than that is adultery and she will later regret it altogether.
My kobo!

This is exactly the problem I'm having with what she's doing.

Will talk to her about the divorce stuff

kunlesufyan:
She should just end the marriage formally and flex, thank God she complained about the wedding but they encouraged her to stay.

But she has not officially ended the marriage

Melodyz:



Going to a year now, the husband has never for once asked about his daughter, his son that is with him sef has no formal textbooks they use in school and my sis refuses to send to him to buy textbooks for him, saying he is his responsibility

The both of them aren't serious. Are they not aware that marriage comes with responsibility?. Did the man sell some fake dreams to her before accepting his marriage proposal?.

Melodyz:




What I understand is that she feels that if she continues to shoulder the responsibilities the husband will continue to be reluctant to do something tangible with his life.

The man drinks and smoke a lot without bringing money to help out in the family

She married an irresponsible man, I'll advice separation, not divorce tho.

Benita27:
The both of them aren't serious. Are they not aware that marriage comes with responsibility?. Did the man sell some fake dreams to her before accepting his marriage proposal?.

One thing that is constant in life is change, he might av promised her the moon but along the line something happened, I won't blame him for that, but his approach towards the whole issue is just not right

Melodyz:




Seriously I don't want to Invade her space, and besides I'm graduate but have no experience via marriage stuffs.... I don't see it as a big of a deal asking those sort of questions

pls you can use otherwords such as ;because,for etc...instead of via.
thank you

Please work on ur written English... It sucks!!!

Melodyz:



She feels they already have an understanding about not being together anymore

She should make it formal.She will be in a good position to move on with her life then.

If she no longer wants to be with him, she should end things the right way instead of cheating.

But shes already separated from the man....shes shouldering the responsibilities of x2 men by herself and you are still criticising her.
Did she spend the brideprice or waa it not ur folks the money was paid to?
Your family should gather the brideprice and refund it to the man if you are that bothered.
Instead of you gossiping about your sister on the net you people should be querying why a full grown man cannot look after himself and one child. Hes not even responsible for his daughter yet you want your sister ro return to him.
By law, they are separated and whatever shes doing isnt cheating....the irresponsible man has money for cigs and drinks but not for books for his only son!!
And there are male species on this thread supporting that behaviour?
If you must seak to ur sis then address that irresponsibility first as thats the cause of the symptoms your sister is displaying today.....otherwise mind your business....

@op what does your sister do for a living?

If she has a job and / or runs a business (no matter how petty) then it means she is the more financially stable of the two of them and should bring back their son to live with her.

Yes, it is painful having to shoulder it all alone, coupled with her first inlaws washing their hands clean of her and the twins...but none of those kids asked to be born.

Two people can't both be irresponsible in a relationship where kids are concerned. Let her alcoholic-weed-taking husband sort himself out first as he's of no use to anyone or even himself in his current state while she focuses on her 4 kids. Their very young and impressionable son shouldn't even be anywhere near the father (for now).

In the meantime, advice your sister to go on birth control.

In counseling and marriage circuit, some set of people are called dangerous spouse or predator partners.
The case of the man here is obviously that of a predator spouse.

You see, there are lots of predator guys and ladies out there, all they are looking for are hardworking and responsible partners that are willinging but gullibly desire to marry them. Once the marriage is consummated a typical predator partner will gradually begin to display his or her true Colour. Predator partners will abscond all responsibility when he is needed most, their thought is why bother when the wife is capable. A predator wife will abscond all forms of responsibility when the husband is capable to finance everything.

One common denominator with vpredator spouses is that they are never there when needed most. They just don't care. For instance most predator wife will most times be there for their spouses, they are either attending one party or event, that the kidds do not attend school does not worry them, women like them will say " you can stay at home whenever your father comes he will sort out your school fee issue" despite the fact that she has enough money on her to pay for the fee.

The advice to your sister is that she needs to mind the type of guys that hang around her. She needs to open her eyes and grade the men that walks into her life. She should evaluate their work ethics, type of work they do, their life style as well as their marital history.

A responsible man will always provide for his family irrespective of the economic situation, even when he is out of work he still finds a means of providing and protecting his family. A man that refuses to provide and protect his family is simply a dangerous man.

Unfortunately many dangerous men are roaming the streets seeking gullible ladies to devour.

TreasuredLeidy:
What has she done to make the man a better husband? If she cnt do anything to make her marriage work, then She should divorce properly if she doesn't want to b tagged a B*tch.. What insolence
@op, talk sense into her head, i cnt believe a graduate is asking this question.

Oh! What a comment.....! Your 1st statement depicts a good wife you will be or you are! God bless

Nobody should insult the woman, it is not easy to take care of a child talk less of 4 , why are men this useless, you can't even pay house rent but you can drink crates of beer , all dis small boys on this thread go dey curse the woman , when una still dey collect allowance.