Hnmmmm

@Op; to love someone is a beautiful thing. When one is in a relationship that they think would lead to marriage, there are certain factors you need to consider before taking the “I DO” step. The factors are; Love, Compatibility, Respect and Friendship.

During courtship is a time to decide whether you can tolerate your partners' attitude or not. If you know that you can’t endure a particular attitude during courtship, then address it there and then as it has a tendency to probably get worse when you marry.

Now let me give you some quotes below to ponder over; here we go;

When a relationship becomes one you are enduring; it’s time to walk away

When a relationship becomes a violet one; it’s time to walk away

When a relationship becomes a selfish one; it’s time to walk away

When a relationship makes you unhappy; it’s time to walk away

When you become afraid of your partner in a relationship; it’s time to walk away

When in a relationship and the apologies comes from only one side; it’s time to walk away

When you walk on egg-shells in a relationship; it’s time to walk away

Note my words above and be sure to be married to someone who you see as one you can spend the rest of your life with in happiness, love and unity. We are not perfect but we can still make adjustments in our attitude towards our fellow human.

As you GF always wants you to back her up when she picks a fight, have you ever considered that you can get into an altercation with another guy because you think a guy disrespected your GF and seriously hurt him? What next? If you are sent to prison you think your GF would come and visit you there; I truly pity you if you think so (No offense, and hope none taken).

You also mentioned that your relationship with her was arranged but from your write-up, you’re finding it hard to get along with some of her irritating traits which clearly infuriate you. Tackle that now before it is too late; otherwise, she may extend her obnoxious attitude to you, your friends, your family members or others you associate with. Surprise, right? But that's just the plain truth as she hasn't seen you raise a strong objection to her nauseating attitude.

Take note,

1) Never marry anyone out of pity simply because you have been with them for a long time and you don’t want them or you to lose out.

2) Marry for true love so that when the challenges start occurring in the marital bond (and best believe challenges would arise) the love both of you have built up would be able to withstand the ups and downs that would occur; take note that MARRIAGE IS NOT A BED OF ROSES.

On a final note, the decision is yours entirely whether to carry on with her or let her be as only you wear the shoes and only you know where it pinches; hence, no one else can decide for you whether you’ll carry on with the courtship or call it quits. It'll be totally out of a selfish interest to allow her to chase other men away (one man’s meat is another man’s poison) with her knowledge that she has met her husband; meanwhile her man is in doubt if he has met his wife; as that’s the way it looks at the moment from your write-up. Owing to the fact that you haven't said much positive and acceptable things about her, you're better off taking your time to find the right woman at the initial stage to avoid stories that hurt. All the best.

I rest my case

PS; that she resided in the UK has nothing to do with the fact that she has an attitude problem. Irrespective of where a woman resides, if she’s going to have an attitude problem; her location would make no difference.

iLegendd:


I wished you had read this http://www.wetclef.com/topic251.html

It's never too late. Read it this night and thank me later. It can be read in 4 minutes.

Interesting and quite insightful. Thanks. Bookmarked

dhabrite:


An arranged marriage?

It eventually didn't work out... The Bros bailed lol...

Richy4:


Yea the fact that you dated some of UK citizens and you weigh their attitude on a scale and found it wanting does not mean majority were like that.. there are lots of people in the united kingdom that got good manners..especially Nigerians there..

Infact the fact that you included were she was born showcase or gives me the impression that you were treating her with utmost respect which is good..."so good" that you don't have any say to reduce her excesses... and she was capitalizing on the I was born in UK to cover up her "good manners " .....assuming she was born in Nigeria will you have tolerated her bad behaviour?

Arranged marriage or not, U guys should save drama for soap operas...get your act right by telling her to stop emberassing you.. U are not the only ones in the world that hooked up through match making....

How long are u gonna fight all your friends that you knew before her... It was in the 1980s that people hype someone that was born Abroad... even when she got the worst attitude, they said leave her she is raised abroad..just to use her to boast in the village .. not anymore man.. the world is just a global village now... There is still an exit door...You can use it if you can't cope

Stop being mean with your comment,understand thr op point of view.it's a known fact that most girls that grew up abroad have one attitude problem or the other.

Deo1986:
OP, if you are a cool headed guy then you need her hotheadedness as long as she is humble and respects you. But then always try to apply the reins on her wherever possible so she don't offend the wrong nigger especially down south where they don't care wether you are a woman, uk citizen, army general or Buhari himself. The days are evil. I do believe she will outgrow such atittude women like that are naturally generous and caring when in their lighter mood. Just save your neck, she will grow up.

Thank you

Chiefly:
We've been together for a year plus now and it's a regular occurrence, she's always starting shi* with other guys, other times with other girls then I have to deal with thier men. Whenever we go clubbing, hanging out in a lounge, shopping at the mall, attending weeding ceremonies, infact the last confrontation was right in a cinema hall... it's quite embarrassing. (she seems to only behave at church)..
I've tried to keep her in check and curb her running mouth in these instances but it never works, and whenever she runs her mouth like this at other guys for minutes on end, it’s only ends one way: With her manning up …and expecting me to clobber the other guy for her, ultimately I get into physical confrontations and fights with these guys to diffend her and ultimately my ego.

Most people think It's my inability to control her but step in my shoes and you'll see the only thing I haven't done is hit her (physically), she's too damn stubborn (in this particular area). This is the only issue we have tho, every other thing is quite great. I've always thought she'll change with time but no. No significant improvement whatsoever. Don't know, could it be psychogenic? She was born and raised in the UK tho based in Nigeria now.

NB: *It's an arranged marriage.

So I really need your advice guys (I'd appreciate matured inputs pls from experienced folks).. Cos

Don't need a woman to go around picking fights for me. i gotta find a way to clip this the instant it starts, or figure out a way to stop this bad behavior once and for all...

Edited: Guys forgot to mention - her dad is a Brigadier General
.
.
From a friend.
Lalasticlala let's help a brother.

Guy your gbege too much: 1. arranged marriage, 2. papa na brigadier general, 3.you dream she'll change.

I can only say your hands are tied. Don't think she'll change cos she won't.

If you stop to think and you feel you can live with her for the next 30-40yrs with her attitude and behaviour, then go ahead and marry her.

But don't for one minute think you can change her, cos you can't.

Obidikejr:

I like your signature... Amongst all I am only not of military heritage.

oh really?? That's good to know mate. Keep it up!

OceanmorganTrix:




she is protecting who is dear to her
you see what she does as embarrassing
she see it as protection

do not call what she do as an embarrassment before her, just call it HURT
don't make her feel bad about what she do for you, convince her you have other measure put in place
(your measure must not be a measure of fighting back also, but should be cuddling her away telling her the good things about herself)
just make her understand


just tell her the only way she can protect you and make you happy is to stop those attitude she always have as a covering for you

tell her how strong she is, but let her know she is more stronger when she walk away from the trouble

tell her what she do only protect your body, but when she walk away without involving in those trouble she protect your body, heart, emotion, personality and soul

You guys never cease to amaze me with the kind of advice you give folks!

Protecting him? where did the OP describe any situation where he needed protection?

OP, please don't listen to these half-thought out and poorly analysed advice bothering on the usual NL penchant for hypocrisy.

Bad manners is bad manners. If she can't change, you know what to do.

Protection? Good Lawd! How do you guys come up with these 'ideas'?!

toksbisola:
@Op; to love someone is a beautiful thing. When one is in a relationship that they think would lead to marriage, there are certain factors you need to consider before taking the “I DO” step. The factors are; Love, Compatibility, Respect and Friendship.

During courtship is a time to decide whether you can tolerate your partners' attitude or not. If you know that you can’t endure a particular attitude during courtship, then address it there and then as it has a tendency to probably get worse when you marry.

Now let me give you some quotes below to ponder over; here we go;

When a relationship becomes one you are enduring; it’s time to walk away

When a relationship becomes a violet one; it’s time to walk away

When a relationship becomes a selfish one; it’s time to walk away

When a relationship makes you unhappy; it’s time to walk away

When you become afraid of your partner in a relationship; it’s time to walk away

When in a relationship and the apologies comes from only one side; it’s time to walk away

When you walk on egg-shells in a relationship; it’s time to walk away

Note my words above and be sure to be married to someone who you see as one you can spend the rest of your life with in happiness, love and unity. We are not perfect but we can still make adjustments in our attitude towards our fellow human.

As you GF always wants you to back her up when she picks a fight, have you ever considered that you can get into an altercation with another guy because you think a guy disrespected your GF and seriously hurt him? What next? If you are sent to prison you think your GF would come and visit you there; I truly pity you if you think so (No offense, and hope none taken).

You also mentioned that your relationship with her was arranged but from your write-up, you’re finding it hard to get along with some of her irritating traits which clearly infuriate you. Tackle that now before it is too late; otherwise, she may extend her obnoxious attitude to you, your friends, your family members or others you associate with. Surprise, right? But that's just the plain truth as she hasn't seen you raise a strong objection to her nauseating attitude.

Take note,

1) Never marry anyone out of pity simply because you have been with them for a long time and you don’t want them or you to lose out.

2) Marry for true love so that when the challenges start occurring in the marital bond (and best believe challenges would arise) the love both of you have built up would be able to withstand the ups and downs that would occur; take note that MARRIAGE IS NOT A BED OF ROSES.

On a final note, the decision is yours entirely whether to carry on with her or let her be as only you wear the shoes and only you know where it pinches; hence, no one else can decide for you whether you’ll carry on with the courtship or call it quits. It'll be totally out of a selfish interest to allow her to chase other men away (one man’s meat is another man’s poison) with her knowledge that she has met her husband; meanwhile her man is in doubt if he has met his wife; as that’s the way it looks at the moment from your write-up. Owing to the fact that you haven't said much positive and acceptable things about her, you're better off taking your time to find the right woman at the initial stage to avoid stories that hurt. All the best.

I rest my case

PS; that she resided in the UK has nothing to do with the fact that she has an attitude problem. Irrespective of where a woman resides, if she’s going to have an attitude problem; her location would make no difference.

Wow. What a read. Really appreciate all the time you put in to carve out this piece. Thorough and very insightful. Thanks

chidekings:



Stop being mean with your comment,understand thr op point of view.it's a known fact that most girls that grew up abroad have one attitude problem or the other.

Thank you ooh. Tot it was just me.

Chiefly:


Umm. Okay, so how were you able to deal with the situation? Are you guys still together? The major problem is that the union is kinda "Family arranged" if you get what I mean.

My friend dump this girl and be a man.

Let your parents know firsthand about her temper and you can't stomach it. You don't want to die of hypertension (Proverbs 21:19)

You are old enough to make decisions for yourself. I suspect you like the comfort zone of them making this decision. I'm also sure there are financial benefits to it such as a British stay permit etc

The brigadier should have brought her up properly rather than dump his spoilt child on an innocent man

I hope you're wise to see what is coming (Proverbs 2:12).

chidekings:



Stop being mean with your comment,understand thr op point of view.it's a known fact that most girls that grew up abroad have one attitude problem or the other.

Where did you get your facts from?
Was it a hear say or have you had one on one conversation with the so called girls that grew up abroad?

If you count Australia as abroad, then I can categorically tell you that I have seen many Nigerian girls with good behaviour...raising children abroad does not mean they are growing up in Gomorrah... it is based on individual attitude, it got nothing to do with living abroad

Obidikejr:


It eventually didn't work out... The Bros bailed lol...

I am seeing m for male, Who's the bros?

you really need to think very well about this your troublesome babe , before it's get out of hand. in my own observation she can't change, in any relationship character matters and you need a babe with good character, because she's also your identity in public. I will advise you to learn how to walk away anytime she enter beef with anybody, let her know that you are not brought up to be a street fighter.�

Daniel2289:
Is this the kind of life u want to live with this lady.

Abeg help me ask him?


Better make good use of your legs now before marriage or allow them to beat you up once for her eyes to clear!

One minute, you are talking bout this issue from a third party angle and the next minute, you are defending it like it's all you. Anyways, to call a spade by its real name, it's not in the lady's place to keep fighting/defending her man as a show of how much she loves and want to protect her relationship. Be the man, and call your woman to order before she puts you in a more serious trouble than you or her Brigadier father can handle. Stop sounding like she did you a favor dating you. The moment she knows how you truly feel bout her attitude in public, trust me she ll adjust if she really love and respect what you both share. Truth is, we can't really change anyone, they change cos they love us enough to change for us. Nough said!

Chiefly:


I just felt her upbringing might have something to do with the attitude that was why I mentioned it, besides most ladies I know that grew up in the UK always have one attitude problem or the other. #fact. Infact the last gurl I dated myself was also from the UK, she's actually very rude and self centered, she never lives the island (feels she's too fly and stuff for the Mainland)
Can you imagine that? You'll have to agree with me that in this case her being a UK citizen was a determinant factor, no?

Back to the original topic.. The whole relationship is in line with some family arrangements, that makes it much more complicated.

Chiefly:
We've been together for a year plus now and it's a regular occurrence, she's always starting shi* with other guys, other times with other girls then I have to deal with thier men. Whenever we go clubbing, hanging out in a lounge, shopping at the mall, attending weeding ceremonies, infact the last confrontation was right in a cinema hall... it's quite embarrassing. (she seems to only behave at church)..
I've tried to keep her in check and curb her running mouth in these instances but it never works, and whenever she runs her mouth like this at other guys for minutes on end, it’s only ends one way: With her manning up …and expecting me to clobber the other guy for her, ultimately I get into physical confrontations and fights with these guys to diffend her and ultimately my ego.

Most people think It's my inability to control her but step in my shoes and you'll see the only thing I haven't done is hit her (physically), she's too damn stubborn (in this particular area). This is the only issue we have tho, every other thing is quite great. I've always thought she'll change with time but no. No significant improvement whatsoever. Don't know, could it be psychogenic? She was born and raised in the UK tho based in Nigeria now.

NB: *It's an arranged marriage.

So I really need your advice guys (I'd appreciate matured inputs pls from experienced folks).. Cos

Don't need a woman to go around picking fights for me. i gotta find a way to clip this the instant it starts, or figure out a way to stop this bad behavior once and for all...

Edited: Guys forgot to mention - her dad is a Brigadier General
.
.
From a friend.
Lalasticlala let's help a brother.

Both of you are not feeling fine walahi

Chiefly:
We've been together for a year plus now and it's a regular occurrence, she's always starting shi* with other guys, other times with other girls then I have to deal with thier men. Whenever we go clubbing, hanging out in a lounge, shopping at the mall, attending weeding ceremonies, infact the last confrontation was right in a cinema hall... it's quite embarrassing. (she seems to only behave at church)..
I've tried to keep her in check and curb her running mouth in these instances but it never works, and whenever she runs her mouth like this at other guys for minutes on end, it’s only ends one way: With her manning up …and expecting me to clobber the other guy for her, ultimately I get into physical confrontations and fights with these guys to diffend her and ultimately my ego.

Most people think It's my inability to control her but step in my shoes and you'll see the only thing I haven't done is hit her (physically), she's too damn stubborn (in this particular area). This is the only issue we have tho, every other thing is quite great. I've always thought she'll change with time but no. No significant improvement whatsoever. Don't know, could it be psychogenic? She was born and raised in the UK tho based in Nigeria now.

NB: *It's an arranged marriage.

So I really need your advice guys (I'd appreciate matured inputs pls from experienced folks).. Cos

Don't need a woman to go around picking fights for me. i gotta find a way to clip this the instant it starts, or figure out a way to stop this bad behavior once and for all...

Edited: Guys forgot to mention - her dad is a Brigadier General
.
.
From a friend.
Lalasticlala let's help a brother.

Ndi independent ladies. Abroad raised. Boy run she will become abusive. I have one. Once i chop tore. I go run.
Boy run... run. Run. (IN ADE VOICE. RUN)

My advice to you , leave her and run for your life oo, she is possessed with a negative spirit ,she will destroy you. Am speaking from experience.

Chiefly:
We've been together for a year plus now and it's a regular occurrence, she's always starting shi* with other guys, other times with other girls then I have to deal with thier men. Whenever we go clubbing, hanging out in a lounge, shopping at the mall, attending weeding ceremonies, infact the last confrontation was right in a cinema hall... it's quite embarrassing. (she seems to only behave at church)..
I've tried to keep her in check and curb her running mouth in these instances but it never works, and whenever she runs her mouth like this at other guys for minutes on end, it’s only ends one way: With her manning up …and expecting me to clobber the other guy for her, ultimately I get into physical confrontations and fights with these guys to diffend her and ultimately my ego.

Most people think It's my inability to control her but step in my shoes and you'll see the only thing I haven't done is hit her (physically), she's too damn stubborn (in this particular area). This is the only issue we have tho, every other thing is quite great. I've always thought she'll change with time but no. No significant improvement whatsoever. Don't know, could it be psychogenic? She was born and raised in the UK tho based in Nigeria now.

NB: *It's an arranged marriage.

So I really need your advice guys (I'd appreciate matured inputs pls from experienced folks).. Cos

Don't need a woman to go around picking fights for me. i gotta find a way to clip this the instant it starts, or figure out a way to stop this bad behavior once and for all...

Edited: Guys forgot to mention - her dad is a Brigadier General
.
.
From a friend.
Lalasticlala let's help a brother.

Run!!!!!

When someone shows who they truly are, believe them the first time.

Richy4:
Does her being born in UK got any thing to do with it? I just want to know why you feel that information is important.. as if being born in UK is a license to be mannerless

Actually most black women "raised" in the UK are mannerless as the UK society has little regard for the man. Its no suprise that the UK is the single parent capital of the world.

Their lack of manners or respect for men is the main reason Naija men abroad will continue going back home to look for women who haven't completely lost the African cultural value of respect for their men.

In the UK, women expect to treat men as foot mats and some men are actually happy to wear the skirt whilst the woman wears the trouser.

The poster needs to man up to his family and reject being pushed to his death by an arranged marriage to a nasty piece of work.

If she was in hot demand in the UK, her family will not be so keen in getting her a man from abroad.

Also, any woman who specialises in knocking 2 mens heads against one another will lead to the death of any man who marries her.

Don't just fall for any UK raised black woman because they look innocent. Quite a lot of them belonged to violent gangs and were the communal "babes" of gang members in their teens.

Just google the term honeytrap killing and you will realise that these UK raised black girls are not as innocent as they look. Some of them are as feral as wild animals.

For example, would you guess that the 18 year old UK raised Nigerian school girl below is a killer ?? But that is exactly what she is.

She is also known as 'Missy Maffia' and 'Bang Bang'.

She bought knives and used Facebook to plot a fatal mob attack on a boy.



http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2108185/The-killer-schoolgirl-Facing-jail-weeping-dock-teenager-bought-knives-used-Facebook-plot-fatal-mob-attack-boy.html

I recommend this for him


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ikKYwJaXugU

Blackhawk03:


I'm a lady. A bowl of icecream, please?

Two bowls of ice cream then, hope this will do?

Guy RUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNN before it's too late

Richy4:
Does her being born in UK got any thing to do with it? I just want to know why you feel that information is important.. as if being born in UK is a license to be mannerless

I might be wrong, you are holding her like a trophy and it's about time u Open your mouth wide and tell her to stop emberassing you.

Stop this UK thing and have a sincere relationship with her, a relationship where you can say your mind. There are millions of people all over the world that has manners.. Treat her like any other woman that u are in love with.with out holding her with (UK high esteem )..If u can't tolerate it, let her go..

Big ups to you!

grandstar:


My friend dump this girl and be a man.

Let your parents know firsthand about her temper and you can't stomach it. You don't want to die of hypertension (Proverbs 21:19)

You are old enough to make decisions for yourself. I suspect you like the comfort zone of them making this decision. I'm also sure there are financial benefits to it such as a British stay permit etc

The brigadier should have brought her up properly rather than dump his spoilt child on an innocent man

I hope you're wise to see what is coming (Proverbs 2:12).

I meant Proverbs 27:12)

Chiefly:
We've been together for a year plus now and it's a regular occurrence, she's always starting shi* with other guys, other times with other girls then I have to deal with thier men. Whenever we go clubbing, hanging out in a lounge, shopping at the mall, attending weeding ceremonies, infact the last confrontation was right in a cinema hall... it's quite embarrassing. (she seems to only behave at church)..
I've tried to keep her in check and curb her running mouth in these instances but it never works, and whenever she runs her mouth like this at other guys for minutes on end, it’s only ends one way: With her manning up …and expecting me to clobber the other guy for her, ultimately I get into physical confrontations and fights with these guys to diffend her and ultimately my ego.

Most people think It's my inability to control her but step in my shoes and you'll see the only thing I haven't done is hit her (physically), she's too damn stubborn (in this particular area). This is the only issue we have tho, every other thing is quite great. I've always thought she'll change with time but no. No significant improvement whatsoever. Don't know, could it be psychogenic? She was born and raised in the UK tho based in Nigeria now.

NB: *It's an arranged marriage.

So I really need your advice guys (I'd appreciate matured inputs pls from experienced folks).. Cos

Don't need a woman to go around picking fights for me. i gotta find a way to clip this the instant it starts, or figure out a way to stop this bad behavior once and for all...

Edited: Guys forgot to mention - her dad is a Brigadier General
.
.
From a friend.
Lalasticlala let's help a brother.

dude don't tell me this is the girl that was shouting at some dude during the jumanji movie at icm last week, if she's the one then damn, you got your hands full fam.

i'm sure you tried talking to her and all but what about this approach, next time she feels like raising her voice, why don't you raise your voice first and act like a sisi in front of her, maybe, just maybe if she feels embarrassed she would start seeing the faults in her ways, and if that doesn't work as a last resort, then don't go to public places with her anymore...........

Born and raised in the UK you said. I can fully see her telling someone “you think you’re bad yea, I’ll call my man to come fućk you up”.....

Bro just let her know if she doesn’t change then you’re walking. Cos as it is right now ending up with her is a huge risk breddah.

lobiologs:


dude don't tell me this is the girl that was shouting at some dude during the jumanji movie at icm last week, if she's the one then damn, you got your hands full fam.

i'm sure you tried talking to her and all but what about this approach, next time she feels like raising her voice, why don't you raise your voice first and act like a sisi in front of her, maybe, just maybe if she feels embarrassed she would start seeing the faults in her ways, and if that doesn't work as a last resort, then don't go to public places with her anymore...........

Icm? no man. Don't think so... Thanks for the input.

Adadioranma79:
One minute, you are talking bout this issue from a third party angle and the next minute, you are defending it like it's all you. Anyways, to call a spade by its real name, it's not in the lady's place to keep fighting/defending her man as a show of how much she loves and want to protect her relationship. Be the man, and call your woman to order before she puts you in a more serious trouble than you or her Brigadier father can handle. Stop sounding like she did you a favor dating you. The moment she knows how you truly feel bout her attitude in public, trust me she ll adjust if she really love and respect what you both share. Truth is, we can't really change anyone, they change cos they love us enough to change for us. Nough said!

We were together, he replied to some inquires himself... Sorry for the ambiguity and thanks.