Well for moi, age should not be the indicator to give respect to the man. From what the bible says the husband is his wife's Lord. So no matter what kind of man he is, the angry kind, selfish, kind, koboko welding kind,. . . she must be submission. Thats standard; so whats just left for us all is for the lady to carefully choose the guy she wants to get married to, get to know him well and try to add some wisdom with her love blindness.

@adetoru

Think back, since u have been standing up against ur husband, have there been peace? if u r a christain, also read 1 peter3.

prittigrrr:

Submission does not mean subordinate. If you are submissive, you just recognize his authority. Any creation with two heads is a monster. There can only be one head. Support it well.

chaircover:

,
The age gap/respect issue should not stop you from having genuine fun, laughing at each other, doing things together or even having misunderstanding or rows etc

The idea is to respect, support & embrace each others views, values, needs etc but to also recognize that he is the CEO and I am the assistant CEO of the same company working to the same mandate.

Two captains reading different maps & trying to steer the same ship will only result in the ship capsizing or getting lost at sea.

These two contributions from prittigrrr and chaircover have summed up the story.
Husband and Wife are not in competition with each other.

Marriage is not for boys and girls.

Feminism destroys marriage. Marriage is sacred and created by God for one man and one woman. God has already defined the roles for husband (man) and wife (woman). Any attempt to alter the doings of God brings damaging consequences.

Feminism or women liberation or whatever else it is called is anti-marriage.

fellis:

I highly doubt that women are as obsessed with shoes as you make them sound. TeeVee says that they are obsessed with shoes does not make it so.
And I can tell from your posts that you have a condescending attitude towards females so I am going to present my argument to you in a way I think you'd understand best.
Look at this scenario: If you married and had a daughter, and trained her to the best of your ability untill she became a responsible young marriageable woman and suitors started to ask for her hand in marriage, assume that there were two suitors and you had to approve of one for your daughter, who would you prefer out of these two men:
1. The suitor who demands that your daughter makes it her responsibility to make him constantly feel like he is a big deal otherwise he would divorce her for other women who are willing to do it.
2. The suitor who believes that he and your daughter both have a responsibility of building each other up together in the marriage.
Please who would you approve of more sagamite? Thank you for answering.

i will advise 2 go 4 suitor numba 2. bt i will advic her to always respect and recognise her husband as d head of d home cos in d end dats all dat wil realy asure peace in d home

bawomolo:

this seems like a condescending attitude to take into a marriage saga. take it easy o

Bawo it is fact o, not condescending.

There are girls smarter than me, more rational than me and definitely some older than me, that is why I used "most likely". But reality is that most will not be for the first 2.

I have seen some girls that are the smartest thing in work but are just dumb in relationships, I don't understand.

And by the way, you should know me, I think takes case by case, not generalising so it will be entiring dependent on the chic at hand.

fellis:

I highly doubt that women are as obsessed with shoes as you make them sound. TeeVee says that they are obsessed with shoes does not make it so.

You must be havin a laff to say women are not obsessed with shoes but men are obsessed with ego.

You are Chris Rock II.

fellis:

And I can tell from your posts that you have a condescending attitude towards females so I am going to present my argument to you in a way I think you'd understand best.
Look at this scenario: If you married and had a daughter, and trained her to the best of your ability untill she became a responsible young marriageable woman and suitors started to ask for her hand in marriage, assume that there were two suitors and you had to approve of one for your daughter, who would you prefer out of these two men:
1. The suitor who demands that your daughter makes it her responsibility to make him constantly feel like he is a big deal otherwise he would divorce her for other women who are willing to do it.
2. The suitor who believes that he and your daughter both have a responsibility of building each other up together in the marriage.
Please who would you approve of more sagamite? Thank you for answering.

Mate, I am not an illiterate.

I am not the type you tailor questions that suits your agenda to and constrict him to your parameters to suit your arguments.

Take it as written in stone: My intellect is way beyond that.

Where in your No 1 did you give credit to what the demanding man is doing in return? Nigga, are you insulting my intelligence?

No 2 applies to my stance as much as you try to tailor it to appear not to:

2. The suitor who believes that he and your daughter both have a responsibility of building each other up together in the marriage.

It is his responsibility to identify her feminine ways and nature (e.g. understand her emotions and insecurities) and cater for it. And it is her responsibility to identify his masculine needs (e.g. feeling important and logical thinking) and cater for it.

If she is not willing and can't satisfy his, I see no reason why he should satisfy hers, despite what modern day feminist of L'Oreals (she is worth it) might want us to think that relationship is all about the woman.

switosman:

I want to believe u r either stoned or dazed. Are u wiser than God? Do u understand the product better than the maker? If the holy spirit speaking tro Paul says in 1peter3, woman sibmit to your husband, u think its all bullshit. God knows the female pychology more than anyone. God know thats where the devil will try to hold unto women n distroy marriages. the devil did it with adam n eve it worked. today women cant submit & they are turning to gays. the ones that r married think the family is their work place & killing it. Everything about feminism is plain stupidity, its misplacement of priority, someone is not thinking.

No 1, you will have to prove there is a God.

No 2, you will have to prove that THE God wrote your bible.

I think both will be a tough task even though they might be to the affirmative, so please use logic in your arguments to convince others rather than dogmatic rants of the scriptures.

Age is not the issue here, a man is the head of the home, God made it like that.  Feminism is only working hard at trying to violate that established standard.

Damn feminism!

Damn the propagandists!

That's why marriages are falling apart. Woman, you have to be submissive if you must have a functional marriage. If God says that the two becomes one, that means that there are two halves, and two halves are equal. Equality doesn't translate to having the same God-given headship over the home.  Why would a woman rub shoulders with her husband? As much as I accept the fact that submission to one's husband is not total acquiescence or slaving, the woman ought to be submissive in the real sense of the word. I'm not an advocate of male supremacy, but my woman should give me my rep as I will surely accord her. I can't marry you if I can't respect you as my good half.  Marriage or relationships are no competitions! Don't compete, submit!

Jesus Christ!

^^^Okay o. No problem. The Bible says that Women are supposed to submit abi? The same Bible says that men should love their wives as Christ loved the church, infact both those directives follow each other. How many of the mofos walking around demanding respect do that? Don't get me wrong, I am not advocating stuborness in women, I am just saying men should not assume that it is a one-way thing. The way it is is that, you love your wife, relentlessly, selflessly, like Christ loved the church and then you can expect submission from her. And believe me, if you love her that much, she would willingly submit to you, no questions asked.
The way a lot of African men take it is that they must get respect at all costs and hardly consider that the women also deserve selfless love (even love, at all)from them and this is why women get frustated and rebel in marriages. Both directives about selfless love and respect follow each other in the Bible, that means they go together, hand in hand. If men cannot love their wives the way Christ loved the Church, they should not expect total submission.
@sagamite, Calm down. The rage in your words prevented me from understanding what you wrote. Explain clearly who you'd prefer and why. Thanks.

Respect in Marriage should not be because of age gap between the husband and wife or vice versa. For any marriage to be FRUITFUL there has to be respect even if the wife is older than husband! Women now believe in feminism which is largely due to the constant westernization of all aspects of our culture,

Having said these, husbands should respect their wives and wives respect their husband which is a secret a  for long-lasting marriage. A woman shouldn't look at herself has being equal with a man as this marks the inception of her downfall in the marriage, A good man would make you feel equal anyways, by consulting you when he wants to make decisions, helping you with domestic activities, looking after the kids, e.t.c

NB- Guys too make we work hard ooo, lol, women of these days go look down on u scornfully if u no carry pepper or at least dey ok,

The concept of ''men's world'' is 100% wrong. In marriage, let the most intelligent person head the family. Marriage is union. Imagine having a woman an IQ of 171 follow the instructions of man with IQ of 70. What was the essence of marrying an intelligent woman when u expect her to have no opinions. Its absurd. Truth be told and religion be argued.

buzugee:

you know what ? just ignore all this talk about submission and subordination. all of this is irrelevant when it comes to a happy union. you got to remember one thing, it is one thing to have a happy union based on respect and it is another thing to have a happy union based on camaraderie.  the happy union based on respect will eventually get stifling. the one based on camaraderie will always prosper.
all i am saying is that look for a person whom you are both on each others level, you laugh together, you are like buddys, you joke together, you act silly together, you are best friends, you are like 2 peas in a pod, you feel extremely comfortable in each others company CUZ once you have that ? issues like 'submission' will never arise.  you dont have to submit to any human being. if you feel like you have to submit to your husband, then you are in the wrong marriage.

Sorry to say, but this is award-winning naivety in full display. Perhaps you people read too many 'how to' books and watch too many surreal movies.

1st bolded statement: that is so untrue. It is precisely for this silly reason that some girls leave their boyfriends and fall for the fake charms of their longstanding 'male friend', later, the girls learn the hard way that ordinary FRIENDSHIP is very different from RELATIONSHIP/MARRIAGE. The same rules/feelings/realities seldom apply. Any daft girl that jeopardizes her firm relationship in search of "camaraderie" will only get her fingers burnt. Years later into the marriage she'll start to lament that 'he wasn't like this before, he has changed'.

2nd Bolded Statement: a woman shouldn't feel she has to submit to her husband? But she'll submit to her boss (anyhow he wants it); she'll submit to armed robbers and suck their corcks at gunpoint; she'll submit to her spiritualist/pastor when she needs spiritual help for whatever. This is supremely obnoxious. What this suggests is that women prefer to submit to all forms of power and force, but to simply and lovingly submit to their husband's gentle demands and massage his ego, they'll squirm, sigh, cuss and utter gibberish like "if you feel like you have to submit to your husband, then you are in the wrong marriage"! No wonder some men use force, power and violence to have their way with women, they ask for it really.

LeoMax:

The concept of ''men's world'' is 100% wrong. In marriage, let the most intelligent person head  the family. Marriage is union.  Imagine having a woman an IQ of 171 follow the instructions of man with IQ of 70. What was the essence of marrying an intelligent woman when u expect her to have no opinions. Its absurd. Truth be told and religion be argued.

Thank you. Exactly my point.

Let the most intelligent, rationale and stable person take the leadership.

If the guy is daft/useless/hopeless, don't let him rule. Someone that wants to lead must demonstrate leadership qualities.

LeoMax:

The concept of ''men's world'' is 100% wrong. In marriage, let the most intelligent person head the family. Marriage is union. Imagine having a woman an IQ of 171 follow the instructions of man with IQ of 70. What was the essence of marrying an intelligent woman when u expect her to have no opinions. Its absurd. Truth be told and religion be argued.

You are as wrong as anyone can possibly be. Nobody can be wronger. If the woman has an IQ of 171 and ends up marrying a man with IQ of 70, she's the dumb folk in that arrangement. How can u reconcile that?

Marriage is not about IQs or intelligence, don't muddle things up here. Follow the rules and you'll have a good marriage. God has spelt out the terms of marriage, just follow!

deluxecad:

You are as wrong as anyone can possibly be. Nobody can be wronger. If the woman has an IQ of 171 and ends up marrying a man with IQ of 70, she's the dumb folk in that arrangement. How can u reconcile that?

Marriage is not about IQs or intelligence, don't muddle things up here. Follow the rules and you'll have a good marriage. God has spelt out the terms of marriage, just follow!

Where did God spelt terms and rules?

Sagamite:

Where did God spelt terms and rules?

Ephesians 5:22-33 (King James Version)

22Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

23For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

24Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

25Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

26That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,

27That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.

28So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

29For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:

30For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.

31For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

32This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

33Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.



These are simple. Just follow!

please don`t get me wrong,
A woman has to submit to her husband even if he is younger.
I was only giving the poster an added reason to respect her husband.
A bigger age gap in a marriage often makes a difference in the marriage. It`s just like when siblings relate to one another. When the age gap is more the relationship is different.
Yes Chaircover I think we have had this in the submission topic.

Is The Fight For Equality Ruining Marriages

@ poster YES MA!!! Infact the same fight for equality is one of the reason why the west assumed with the highest rate of divorce. The same Strive for Equality has baptised so many women with a modern name Miss Independent. Check them well they are not independent indeed, becoz there is always one young guy some where whom they have submitted their resources to for some services. Some have become compulsory lesbians, not becoz they were born lesbians, but life forced them into lesbianism.

@ poster.
When you fail to submitt to your husband you must be forced to submitt to what life offers you. That is jst it.

When you fail to submitt to your husband you must be forced to submitt to what life offers you. That is jst it.

Thats what I meant in the other thread . I´ts better to be one mans donkey than everyones donkey.

^ I like the donkey analogy.

mutter:

Thats what I meant in the other thread . I´ts better to be one mans donkey than everyones donkey.

Been a one man's donkey does not mean you are not everybodys donkey

So whats your point?

@Topic
Yes

My point?
Let the truth be told finally.
Most women in Nigeria that appear from the outside to be independent and self sufficient are nothing more than prostitutes.
Selling their bodies for contracts, deals, favors and money.
It is not only the woman that stands on the road that is selling her body.

Which truth?And most women who are legally married to men and stay in their houses still sleep with their bosses, houseboys, gateman, your point?

^^^Equality isnt African, PERIOD!!

And when did I state that it is western?

My own personal experience has taught me that i have nothing to gain but everything to lose when i want to be equal with my husband.
He is so easy to get along its mind blowing.
At first, i wanted to pull rank with him and keep trying to be equal.
We had so many issues that i was beginning to wonder whether he was the same person i dated.
However, i read a book, Fascinating woman, that taught me to stoop to conquer.
Now, he pets me, pampers me so much people r jealous.
Anytime, we are in public, he praises me to the highest heavens.
He never makes any decision even if it is as mundane as can we move the chair to the other room without consulting me.

I thank God for wisdom.

chaircover:

Yes o! They even submit to their landlords telling them where they can place their generating set and when to put it on and off.

But seriously, men are so easy to live with. I think women are much more complicated than men and You cannot possibly submit to a God fearing man and he will treat you like sh.it.

With experience, wisdom & patience, you will even learn to submit and still get the man to go by your decision without him even realizing it & everyone is happy 

This is truly amazing, Chaircover. If only more women realized this, marriage would be much more peaceful and blissful. I wish my one-time beloved fiancee had this supremely wise orientation; by now I'd probably have married her. I don't know about some men that are jerks and abusers through and through, but many men I know (including myself) would treat their wives so well and lovingly if they have the exact same mindset you seem to have. In fact, I'd gladly grant my wife's tender requests and let her have the final say on so many issues if she remains ever so tender - and knows how to stoop to conquer.

Nothing irritates a hardworking, decent man than a woman who is just stubborn, confrontational and blatantly unsubmissive - those types are more prone to battering from their tormented and frustrated husbands. I certainly have no sympathy for such she-devils; they deserve whatever they get.

But women like you, Chaircover, deserve great and loving husbands and marriages - and I pray you enjoy just that till the very old end.

I'm really sad that most of the men (and some of the women) know nothing about the history of feminism and are quick to castigate it because of ego. Part of it has to do with demanding partnership at the home but feminism rose when women were started to be expected to become joint breadwinners and to go to work. And to get an education. And facing such discrimination at school and at work, women began to band together to fight for equal rights at school and at work. So now women that are enjoying the fruits of such labor (such as salaries approaching equity for the same job men do, acceptance rates to school surpassing men), they are quick to denounce feminism as evil.

o ma se o.

anyways regarding feminism in the home. I believe (MY OPINIONS, MY LIFE and I'LL LEAD IT AS I BELIEVE TO BE FIT) that now that women tend to take so many other responsibilities away from the home, they have EVERY right to demand more equity in the partnership. I will never be yoked to someone who believes some archaic ideal of how women are to be 'submissive' to oga in the house. I look at other women I see around and though yes they are still married, I'd want a different married life for myself. Not one where they have to tiptoe around sensitive topics and massage massive (and ill-deserving) egos all day long, but one where communication, respect and hard work is expected from both parties EQUALLY.

I'm not going to argue with y'all. enjoy and I sincerely hope you find someone that maintains the same ideals that you do

^^Lets pray you find what you want in this world

chaircover:

@Lol at this 6 year gap.

My husband is 6 years older than me too. I suppose I am lucky in that the respect  comes naturally for me because of the age gap.  I was brought up to respect my elders and it has just stuck on from there.

I use the word "e" for him even though he hates it but I just cant stop it LOL. It works both ways though and for example if we are eating from the same plate, he leaves me the last piece of meat like you would an aburo and so on.

The age gap/respect issue should not stop you from having genuine fun, laughing at each other, doing things together or even having misunderstanding or rows etc

The idea is to respect, support  & embrace each others views, values, needs etc but to also recognize that he is the CEO and I am the assistant CEO of the same company working to the same mandate.

Two captains reading different maps & trying to steer the same ship will only result in the ship capsizing or getting lost at sea.

On the above quote, i guess you are sharp and smart lady, your method will work for you and will make you enjoy your marriage for long.

Back to the Post, there is no shortcut to the method prescribe by nature. I remember what a man of God said - In Gen Gen 3:16  Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

One, GOD made the statement that , Woman, thy desire shall be to they HUSBAND Alone not only that, HE shall RULE over you. Please whats the meaning of RULE OVER YOU. This is the point in the Bible that gets me afraid. God said it affirmatively, even if u have B.Sc, M.Sc, M.Phil, Phd, Professorship e.t.c You Husband RULE not might RULE or temporarily rule, it said SHALL RULE over you. This is the portion of the Bible that feminism seems to correct in a carnal way and the end point is Divorce.

I have been marriaged over 4 yrs, I respect my wife alot and she respects me too. I have always being doing something, not only to my wife but also to people i meet for the 1st time. I crave respect for myself. How do i do it? I try as much as I can to consiouly respect anyone I meet for the first time be it a Man or Lady, by so doing they have no choice than to receiprocate. Some people take advantage of that but I have a way of dealing with such people maturedly. I bet you it REALLY WORKS for me.

If you can respect your Boss in the Office, Military men for being armed, Robbers for being Fully armed, Pastors for being spiritual and finally elderly people outside so then, why can't you respect your husband who LOVES you more than anyone mentioned above. If not for anything but for PEACE, for the CHILDREN and DESTINY of both of you.

The Bible says something about the virtous woman in Provs 31 : 10 to the end,  the verse i love most is Pro 31:23. It says - Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.
I ponder on this verse and i found out that IF ONE MARRYS A GOOD WIFE, THE MEN WILL NOT ONLY BE WEALTHY BUT ALSO SITS AMONG THE DECISION MAKER IN ANY ORGANISATION. THE PERSON WILL STAND OUT IN HIS LEADERSHIP ROLE. Thats the interpretation of the verse.

Ladies it is up to you to decide, I will advice the ladies to read Prov 31 from verse 10 to 31, use the template of the virtueos woman to measure up your attitute in marriage. I bet you if you can make just 50% of the qualities mentioned in the these verses, your marriage/home would have been 80% settled.

We Men, i'll like to leave us with this message. In 1Peter 3:7, It says -  Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

We have to deal with them with all UNDERSTANDING thats what the Bible says no with Heavy Blow, serious beating, Unquestionable Nagging and a Slapping spee at every slightest provocation. God does not require this from us, though WOMEN can be provoking but the Bible says LOVE HER.

Thanks and have a wonderful weekend.