₦airaland Forum

Free her for a while, the sister will come asking for her balance, stay quiet till your wife steps in and make her choice.

SaudiBoy:
Greeting to everyone. I am in serious dilemma and need matured advice.

I dated my wife for 8 years before we got married last year and God blessed us recently with a child.

My problem began when my business nose dived and we began facing a little difficulty, my wife's sister who happens to be my good friend also stepped in and helped us with a loan totalling 340k which i have paid 190k and still making out ways to pay back the rest.
During those trying times my wife and i would go there and spend days to alleviate pressure of feeding, please i went there with her because I felt welcomed and they never made me feel i was Inlaw, a stranger will think am part of the mums children.

Now the main gbese is this, my wife's mum has been staying with us since this year, taking care of wifey as she put to bed and we have been living peacefully.

Now my mum wanted to come and spend time with us, and the problem started when my mum told me to come with my car and carry her as things she bought for us were too much for her to carry and enter public bus, and i agreed. I went to inform my wife and she kicked against it, citing high fuel cost and lack of money. I talked to her to forget about the money side of her story and see it as a sacrifice. It is a 6 hour journey to and fro.
When she saw she could not convince me, she reported to her sister who tried to talk me out of going to pick my mum, but i refused and told her my mind was made up. Then my wife resorted to i will see those things your mother will bring and come.

Then it got to the day i was going to pick my mum, I called my wife and told her i want your mum to stay and be bathing baby and taking care of you, as I know my mum is now lazy and can't do these work continually, they both agreed. I went and brought my mum home. And the journey to hell started.

There is this girl married with two kids i have warned my wife about to quit been friends with her as despite been married she is a big cheat who sleeps with men for money. So this girl came to my house to visit my wife, and there was this white man at my wife's former place of work that my wife has been chatting with, I read all their chats and had nothing to fault with their conversation, until i discovered my wife sent scantly dressed pictures of her friend to the white man and gave the man the girls contact. I was very furious and felt disappointed, y she did this, that was where my anger started.

So I told her point blank to quit every conversation with the said white man, but she told me plainly she has her life to live and i cannot tell her what to do. This word hurt me and i harboured it in my heart for her.

I and her mum tried to talk to her she didn't still see what she did as bad, then i reported her to her sister whom I felt was close to us and will advice her but no she continued her chat and instead changed her phone pattern.

So we started having issues, every small thing irritated me, then my wife started complaining about my mum, once i go to work and come back, no welcome hug, it will be ur mum said this. Therefore i should Go and fight her if that was her expectation.

The wrong thing I did was not hearing her out, because I already had this grudge in my mind for her bcoz of the statement she made about the white man. And I was already under pressure, how to pay off my debts feed and provide for my family and the 2 additional mouths that came, run generator everyday, and doing everything not to allow my family feel any form of hardship.

Then one day her sister called me and there was nothing she did not say on phone that day, my wife called her and was crying my mum was maltreating her and i kept quiet.
In her sisters exact words, u should be happy my sister married you bcoz she would have seen a better man. These are now the words my wife tells me.

Now the main problem my mum fell sick and she wanted to go back, fuel has now become 145, she met my wife and asked her how will she go if i will drop her or she will take public transport, my wife came to ask me and i ignored it because I didn't want to stir up quarrel. So I met my mother in-laws and told her i would like to go and drop my mum and she said OK if i have spare money for fuel i should do it that moreover my mum is sick.

I wanted to go look for a way to tell my wife but my mum was already dressed thinking she was going that day and was in the room with my wife, and i was to take my mum to somewhere before she goes, and she was in a hurry, I couldn't tell her anymore of my decision, and promised to call her on phone. Only for me to come to the parlor, in front of my mother in-law,i told my mum I would drop her but she had to wait till the next day early morning as I had jobs I needed to attend to.

I then left with my mum to the place she was going to and when we came back, I was with my wife in the room and she was shouting on top her voice, that I shud choose between her and my mum, and that if I go and drop my mum off at her place, she will pack her load and go. I laughe thinking it was a joke.
So mum heard what she said and left my house in anger, in retaliation, that's how i feel, she went to make her hair, as my wife has been begging to come let them go and make her, she cited sickness as example. When I saw my mum with the hair i was bitter and told her to better look for an excuse to give my wife.

She came home and my wife saw the hair and was deeply hurt, mum tried talking to her but it couldn't pacify here, i begged her she refused, so I decided to leave the house and go back to my work, at the door my wife told me to make sure i come back early as she won't givevny mum food, I begged her still, called her when i left and sent an SMS from work, but alas when I got home around past 11pm she didn't give my mum food.

I called my wife, mum and mum Inlaw and tried talking to them so that what ever venom in them will soften, I spoke at length and my mum spoke, when it got to my wife's turn, she flared up and insulted everyone and left, I was disappointed.

The next day morning my mum was finally going to leave, my wife woke up, met her at the door and passed her without greeting and when we were about to leave my wife never came back to say good bye

I travelled and came back and true to her words she packed out of our house and went to Her sisters house.
I called her sister to enquire she wouldn't answer, I went to her house and for 2 hours nobody opened the gate for me, despite hearing my horns and my many calls to her phone which she finally picked and told Me no one was around to open gate for me, quite shortly I saw my mum Inlaw, I asked her how can she encourage her dorta to pack out of the house, she said she was not around when she packed. So my wife's sister knowing her mum was at the gate sent someone to open it and since I was still outside called me she was sending someone to open gate for me, in anger I left and told her not to worry as she was opening it for her mum.
I called my sister in-laws husband and informed him my wife packed to his house without my consent and he was away from town and said when he come back.

He came back and called me after talking to us, I told him I have already changed the padlock of our protector that my wife must apologise before i will let her in again. my wife's response was that she needed a break of 6 months then changed to she was done.

I posted a picture of me holding our baby and wrote some love touching words to him, my wife saw it and became very upset and jelos, and the new accusation became I value our child more than her and don't appreciate her. Then I went to work only to come back home, I saw the locks to the house has been broken, I met my wife packing her remaining things that she needs space, I tried talking to her, next thing her sister called that what is holding her, my wife said I was stopping her, her sister came to my house packed my wife's things including my mum in-laws things, before they left I called my mum Inlaw to ask if she was aware and she said yes, that she heard because of how my wife treated my mum that I said she will not come to my house again, a word I said out of anger. That was how they left.

It's been 3 weeks now I have forgiven my wife and we have settled and she even passed a night in the house and we made mad love

Now she wants to come back, I told her plainly I will not carry those load her sister carried, either she forgets them or I send a cab for her. She agreed to leave the load and come pick her later, immediately she told her sister, the music changed, my wife became abusive and told me if I won't come myself and carry the load then I should forget about her and my child, that she will never use a cab since I have a car and her sister cannot bring the load.

At this juncture I became irritated. Seriously I don't want a broken home since am a product of one, and I know the effects it has on a child.

For 3 weeks I have been jumping from canteen to canteen, I don't know what to do, if to go and bring the load or just allow them to remain there.

Please i need candid advice and criticism, not insult as am already broken.

Am 31 and my wife is 26



****** modified***********

Reading through let me make something clear about the money i borrowed from my in-law

You see am not broke, I live in an comfortable house, drive a good car, and have a land in the state i reside, with a back up bank balance that gave me confidence, but overnight i watched all i have go away due to circumstance better imagined.

I own a truck used for sand and stone transportation, and people into this business will know drivers remit 150k weekly.

My problem started when my truck was involved in an accident which cost a life and also condemned the car, my driver disappeared from the scene and my conductor was in custody for 13weeks

After police case and everything, I paid the family 2.5m for burial and compensation, I paid 400k to the driver of the car my truck hit, bailed my conductor, my truck and closed the police case with 150k.

So this expense cost me 3m that was y i had to seek that loan.

Now i decided not to engage in the trucking business anymore and sell off the truck, but the best price I have gotten from a buyer is 1.5m for a truck i bought 4.5m 2 years ago, so i refused to sell. Still waiting for the right price. To pay off my debt and run my home, I am secretly using my car for uber without my wife's knowledge.although she said i should just sell the truck and start again

I don't want to believe my wife is about the money because she met be broke and we built our wealth together before finally getting married, my problem is during this crisis, she started confiding in her sisters more, and this is where it has landed me




****** modified*********
You see there is more to this story that meets the eye.
That is why I decided to be calm about this whole issue, because it has really opened my eyes, I don't believe this has to do with the money i loaned because the sisters husband also loans money from me atimes,
And pays back, I was very very close to them.

I only soft pedalled on this issue because it is very clear to me there is a grand script been planned by my sister in-laws out of jelousy, because she has been childless for 7 years of marriage.

My wife made a statemet that startled me, that she will send me divorce papers, and that the baby been just 2months, court will award her custody and she will just give the baby to her sister and travel out.

Then i started working on my wife's senses, talking to her until she became soft and we settled my wife she needed time to heal, I offered her to come back home and heal she said know that her sister just had another miscarriage and she needs to be with her.

Now the day my wife came to visit me and decided to sleep over, the sister called her, I pretended to be asleep and I could hear the sister say, now now now, u Don run go sleep there bcoz of sex. The next day it was clear my wife didn't want to go back, I dropped her off around 2pm and before the sister agreed to to open gate for her, it was war after much exchange of whatsapp message

Toks2008:
SaudiBoy you have no issue except frustration as a result of the present situation which will pass.

Let her be and focus on building your life...trust me,she will realize how special her marriage is and come back.

It is difficult I know but some things happen for a reason so embrace that opportunity right now and focus on building your life.

May too much sense not kill U
U are suffering from that disease callecalled "Plenty Sense"
U got points bruh

EgbechoFaith:
he is just a good man putting up his family. Easy. You! try marry show us.

He is weak and I dare say, stupid. It can't get any simpler than that.

Abeg who be una?

SaudiBoy:
Mr strong man

There is a very wide difference bw a girlfriend and a wife that is why it is very easy for you to ditch your girlfriend. When you cough out 2m to marry a woman and she bears u a child then u will understand, thatthe decisions u make hence forth shud take into consideration Now, the future and ur child.

Thank you. I am just reading weak men dis week mehn that. U think it's easy, if it's easy y hvnt the OP divorced d woman already, marriage no be beans so stop calling d OP a weak man kus u aren't in his shoes

Yes. I'm sure of what I typed.
Most ladies that are in relationships don't usually cheat when they are still in good terms with their partners. Most will indirectly create problems thereby asking for space and break just to cheat outside without calls and disturbances from their main partners.
Oga the only advice I'll give u is to allow her be but u better mount intels on her in order to catch her red-handed.
U should also know that all these white men don't like using condoms and many of them are infected wit HIV and other STDs.
If u know, u know!

freecocoa:
Your head dey game, he married an olosho, its very obvious.

Exactly.
He is behaving like a Jehovah witness.
Those guys no get sense in terms of associating like men in

LyfeJennings:
The guy na all this "I will do anything for my wife" kind and the sister in law can see through him. That's why she's ringing his bell

SaudiBoy:
Greeting to everyone. I am in serious dilemma and need matured advice.

I dated my wife for 8 years before we got married last year and God blessed us recently with a child.

My problem began when my business nose dived and we began facing a little difficulty, my wife's sister who happens to be my good friend also stepped in and helped us with a loan totalling 340k which i have paid 190k and still making out ways to pay back the rest.
During those trying times my wife and i would go there and spend days to alleviate pressure of feeding, please i went there with her because I felt welcomed and they never made me feel i was Inlaw, a stranger will think am part of the mums children.

Now the main gbese is this, my wife's mum has been staying with us since this year, taking care of wifey as she put to bed and we have been living peacefully.

Now my mum wanted to come and spend time with us, and the problem started when my mum told me to come with my car and carry her as things she bought for us were too much for her to carry and enter public bus, and i agreed. I went to inform my wife and she kicked against it, citing high fuel cost and lack of money. I talked to her to forget about the money side of her story and see it as a sacrifice. It is a 6 hour journey to and fro.
When she saw she could not convince me, she reported to her sister who tried to talk me out of going to pick my mum, but i refused and told her my mind was made up. Then my wife resorted to i will see those things your mother will bring and come.

Then it got to the day i was going to pick my mum, I called my wife and told her i want your mum to stay and be bathing baby and taking care of you, as I know my mum is now lazy and can't do these work continually, they both agreed. I went and brought my mum home. And the journey to hell started.

There is this girl married with two kids i have warned my wife about to quit been friends with her as despite been married she is a big cheat who sleeps with men for money. So this girl came to my house to visit my wife, and there was this white man at my wife's former place of work that my wife has been chatting with, I read all their chats and had nothing to fault with their conversation, until i discovered my wife sent scantly dressed pictures of her friend to the white man and gave the man the girls contact. I was very furious and felt disappointed, y she did this, that was where my anger started.

So I told her point blank to quit every conversation with the said white man, but she told me plainly she has her life to live and i cannot tell her what to do. This word hurt me and i harboured it in my heart for her.

I and her mum tried to talk to her she didn't still see what she did as bad, then i reported her to her sister whom I felt was close to us and will advice her but no she continued her chat and instead changed her phone pattern.

So we started having issues, every small thing irritated me, then my wife started complaining about my mum, once i go to work and come back, no welcome hug, it will be ur mum said this. Therefore i should Go and fight her if that was her expectation.

The wrong thing I did was not hearing her out, because I already had this grudge in my mind for her bcoz of the statement she made about the white man. And I was already under pressure, how to pay off my debts feed and provide for my family and the 2 additional mouths that came, run generator everyday, and doing everything not to allow my family feel any form of hardship.

Then one day her sister called me and there was nothing she did not say on phone that day, my wife called her and was crying my mum was maltreating her and i kept quiet.
In her sisters exact words, u should be happy my sister married you bcoz she would have seen a better man. These are now the words my wife tells me.

Now the main problem my mum fell sick and she wanted to go back, fuel has now become 145, she met my wife and asked her how will she go if i will drop her or she will take public transport, my wife came to ask me and i ignored it because I didn't want to stir up quarrel. So I met my mother in-laws and told her i would like to go and drop my mum and she said OK if i have spare money for fuel i should do it that moreover my mum is sick.

I wanted to go look for a way to tell my wife but my mum was already dressed thinking she was going that day and was in the room with my wife, and i was to take my mum to somewhere before she goes, and she was in a hurry, I couldn't tell her anymore of my decision, and promised to call her on phone. Only for me to come to the parlor, in front of my mother in-law,i told my mum I would drop her but she had to wait till the next day early morning as I had jobs I needed to attend to.

I then left with my mum to the place she was going to and when we came back, I was with my wife in the room and she was shouting on top her voice, that I shud choose between her and my mum, and that if I go and drop my mum off at her place, she will pack her load and go. I laughe thinking it was a joke.
So mum heard what she said and left my house in anger, in retaliation, that's how i feel, she went to make her hair, as my wife has been begging to come let them go and make her, she cited sickness as example. When I saw my mum with the hair i was bitter and told her to better look for an excuse to give my wife.

She came home and my wife saw the hair and was deeply hurt, mum tried talking to her but it couldn't pacify here, i begged her she refused, so I decided to leave the house and go back to my work, at the door my wife told me to make sure i come back early as she won't givevny mum food, I begged her still, called her when i left and sent an SMS from work, but alas when I got home around past 11pm she didn't give my mum food.

I called my wife, mum and mum Inlaw and tried talking to them so that what ever venom in them will soften, I spoke at length and my mum spoke, when it got to my wife's turn, she flared up and insulted everyone and left, I was disappointed.

The next day morning my mum was finally going to leave, my wife woke up, met her at the door and passed her without greeting and when we were about to leave my wife never came back to say good bye

I travelled and came back and true to her words she packed out of our house and went to Her sisters house.
I called her sister to enquire she wouldn't answer, I went to her house and for 2 hours nobody opened the gate for me, despite hearing my horns and my many calls to her phone which she finally picked and told Me no one was around to open gate for me, quite shortly I saw my mum Inlaw, I asked her how can she encourage her dorta to pack out of the house, she said she was not around when she packed. So my wife's sister knowing her mum was at the gate sent someone to open it and since I was still outside called me she was sending someone to open gate for me, in anger I left and told her not to worry as she was opening it for her mum.
I called my sister in-laws husband and informed him my wife packed to his house without my consent and he was away from town and said when he come back.

He came back and called me after talking to us, I told him I have already changed the padlock of our protector that my wife must apologise before i will let her in again. my wife's response was that she needed a break of 6 months then changed to she was done.

I posted a picture of me holding our baby and wrote some love touching words to him, my wife saw it and became very upset and jelos, and the new accusation became I value our child more than her and don't appreciate her. Then I went to work only to come back home, I saw the locks to the house has been broken, I met my wife packing her remaining things that she needs space, I tried talking to her, next thing her sister called that what is holding her, my wife said I was stopping her, her sister came to my house packed my wife's things including my mum in-laws things, before they left I called my mum Inlaw to ask if she was aware and she said yes, that she heard because of how my wife treated my mum that I said she will not come to my house again, a word I said out of anger. That was how they left.

It's been 3 weeks now I have forgiven my wife and we have settled and she even passed a night in the house and we made mad love

Now she wants to come back, I told her plainly I will not carry those load her sister carried, either she forgets them or I send a cab for her. She agreed to leave the load and come pick her later, immediately she told her sister, the music changed, my wife became abusive and told me if I won't come myself and carry the load then I should forget about her and my child, that she will never use a cab since I have a car and her sister cannot bring the load.

At this juncture I became irritated. Seriously I don't want a broken home since am a product of one, and I know the effects it has on a child.

For 3 weeks I have been jumping from canteen to canteen, I don't know what to do, if to go and bring the load or just allow them to remain there.

Please i need candid advice and criticism, not insult as am already broken.

Am 31 and my wife is 26



****** modified***********

Reading through let me make something clear about the money i borrowed from my in-law

You see am not broke, I live in an comfortable house, drive a good car, and have a land in the state i reside, with a back up bank balance that gave me confidence, but overnight i watched all i have go away due to circumstance better imagined.

I own a truck used for sand and stone transportation, and people into this business will know drivers remit 150k weekly.

My problem started when my truck was involved in an accident which cost a life and also condemned the car, my driver disappeared from the scene and my conductor was in custody for 13weeks

After police case and everything, I paid the family 2.5m for burial and compensation, I paid 400k to the driver of the car my truck hit, bailed my conductor, my truck and closed the police case with 150k.

So this expense cost me 3m that was y i had to seek that loan.

Now i decided not to engage in the trucking business anymore and sell off the truck, but the best price I have gotten from a buyer is 1.5m for a truck i bought 4.5m 2 years ago, so i refused to sell. Still waiting for the right price. To pay off my debt and run my home, I am secretly using my car for uber without my wife's knowledge.although she said i should just sell the truck and start again

I don't want to believe my wife is about the money because she met be broke and we built our wealth together before finally getting married, my problem is during this crisis, she started confiding in her sisters more, and this is where it has landed me




****** modified*********
You see there is more to this story that meets the eye.
That is why I decided to be calm about this whole issue, because it has really opened my eyes, I don't believe this has to do with the money i loaned because the sisters husband also loans money from me atimes,
And pays back, I was very very close to them.

I only soft pedalled on this issue because it is very clear to me there is a grand script been planned by my sister in-laws out of jelousy, because she has been childless for 7 years of marriage.

My wife made a statemet that startled me, that she will send me divorce papers, and that the baby been just 2months, court will award her custody and she will just give the baby to her sister and travel out.

Then i started working on my wife's senses, talking to her until she became soft and we settled my wife she needed time to heal, I offered her to come back home and heal she said know that her sister just had another miscarriage and she needs to be with her.

Now the day my wife came to visit me and decided to sleep over, the sister called her, I pretended to be asleep and I could hear the sister say, now now now, u Don run go sleep there bcoz of sex. The next day it was clear my wife didn't want to go back, I dropped her off around 2pm and before the sister agreed to to open gate for her, it was war after much exchange of whatsapp message

Two things that irritated me in your post ;

The mention of "white" man! What is the meaning of white man?
2..... Made mad love? What the fùck was that supposed to mean?

Oga, I am not married buh I think my brother nearly went through what u are going through. U know what u need to do?....u need to build yourself up financially again, pay ur sister-in-law and then ban her completely from ur home. And then make ur wife know that it's her that u married not the sister. Make it sink into her head that her sister is jealous of what she's got that she doesn't have, she wants her marriage to crash, she certainly doesn't lover her and wants her to be happy in her marriage. That's why each time u have a soul to soul conversation with ur wife, she becomes that woman that u love but as soon as she talks to her sister she then turns into a scary bitch! She's frustrated with her own marriage and wants to make sure she doesn't enjoy hers. No sister that truly hearts her sister will give the kinda advice she's giving to her. Oga, ban her from coming to ur house and stand ur ground, and if need be, change ur wife's number! She's a bad influence to her. I am even suspecting they are having lesbian affair.

Nobody wins when the family feud ....pls don't listen to the egomaniacs ... Go get ur woman and find a way to win over ur in-laws

So I told her point blank to quit every conversation with the said white man, but she told me plainly she has her life to live and i cannot tell her what to do

This one cannot be a wife...And I will stop being a Man if my wife can give me such replies for that kind of offence. Chatting with another Man not his brother. Is she Madt

8 years of dating and squabbles in the home?? Na wa sha. That goes to show you that duration of courtship is not a guarantee

I saw ur post bro I couldn't pass by without dropping my advice for you, infact I was forced to register to niraland for me to comment here, there is some am gonna tell u as a man not just you but to all men around the world women are not to be trusted except ur mother even some mom do sell their child because of selfish interest and tinz of that world but it depends anyway, ur wife is ur soul mate and partner for good for bad for better for worst I kW u love her trust her in fact you can die for her, but u did the right tin by attending to ur mum, ur wife have no right to even tell u what to do and remember ur mum is ur first wife unless she is wrong, ur wife have found a new style of life she felt will favour her just like what u said her frd was doing that's y in every marriage all men and women needs prayer it take only d grace of God for a marriage to succeed until the end. you only have to talk to ur wife ask and let her see that the place she is heading to is a wrong direction, u dated duz same gal for eight years common I believe Ur bond with her is enugh, u only have to talk and pray she listens but don't beg her if her mind is made up it is already and if she insist let her go she is not there right one for u just try to train that ur only child ur self and tinz will get better good women are still out there

Speak for yourself and NEVER generalize. Your experience is anothers fairytale or nightmare

ameri9ja:
All I know is that there are things beyond human endurance or resistance. Pretending there are not is hypocrisy.

My advice to you is to work on urself first as ur financial state is also affecting ur relationship with ur wife and it has also be clouded ur sense of judgement. U tend to pick querrel at the slightest provocation. Lastly, when a nail gets too long u cut the nail not the finger and when relationship becomes strained u cut the ego and fix ur relationship. Please when this is fix remember to keep ur problems to urself and don't share it with ur extended family. Best of luck I wish you well.

sorry but your wife love you because of your money... your story alone tells that.. study people very well before getting married.


I ain't saying she a gold digger, but she don't mess with the poor. .

Your story get as e be o!

I love space. I love space so much I pray when I get married my wife would give me a lot of space and not complain.
1. You gave your wife's family power. They know your business (bedroom, parlour, outside etc).
2. You live so close to them. Any small wahala she takes off to her sister's place.

Carry your own weight and never let them into your business anymore.

Bros e be like say you and your wife's family lives on the same street. Abeg Park well, don't take a shittt for a ride in your marriage. However pray and receive understanding for direction concerning your marriage, you are blessed.

Shewrites story episode seventeen

TV

SaudiBoy:
Greeting to everyone. I am in serious dilemma and need matured advice.

I dated my wife for 8 years before we got married last year and God blessed us recently with a child.

My problem began when my business nose dived and we began facing a little difficulty, my wife's sister who happens to be my good friend also stepped in and helped us with a loan totalling 340k which i have paid 190k and still making out ways to pay back the rest.
During those trying times my wife and i would go there and spend days to alleviate pressure of feeding, please i went there with her because I felt welcomed and they never made me feel i was Inlaw, a stranger will think am part of the mums children.

Now the main gbese is this, my wife's mum has been staying with us since this year, taking care of wifey as she put to bed and we have been living peacefully.

Now my mum wanted to come and spend time with us, and the problem started when my mum told me to come with my car and carry her as things she bought for us were too much for her to carry and enter public bus, and i agreed. I went to inform my wife and she kicked against it, citing high fuel cost and lack of money. I talked to her to forget about the money side of her story and see it as a sacrifice. It is a 6 hour journey to and fro.
When she saw she could not convince me, she reported to her sister who tried to talk me out of going to pick my mum, but i refused and told her my mind was made up. Then my wife resorted to i will see those things your mother will bring and come.

Then it got to the day i was going to pick my mum, I called my wife and told her i want your mum to stay and be bathing baby and taking care of you, as I know my mum is now lazy and can't do these work continually, they both agreed. I went and brought my mum home. And the journey to hell started.

There is this girl married with two kids i have warned my wife about to quit been friends with her as despite been married she is a big cheat who sleeps with men for money. So this girl came to my house to visit my wife, and there was this white man at my wife's former place of work that my wife has been chatting with, I read all their chats and had nothing to fault with their conversation, until i discovered my wife sent scantly dressed pictures of her friend to the white man and gave the man the girls contact. I was very furious and felt disappointed, y she did this, that was where my anger started.

So I told her point blank to quit every conversation with the said white man, but she told me plainly she has her life to live and i cannot tell her what to do. This word hurt me and i harboured it in my heart for her.

I and her mum tried to talk to her she didn't still see what she did as bad, then i reported her to her sister whom I felt was close to us and will advice her but no she continued her chat and instead changed her phone pattern.

So we started having issues, every small thing irritated me, then my wife started complaining about my mum, once i go to work and come back, no welcome hug, it will be ur mum said this. Therefore i should Go and fight her if that was her expectation.

The wrong thing I did was not hearing her out, because I already had this grudge in my mind for her bcoz of the statement she made about the white man. And I was already under pressure, how to pay off my debts feed and provide for my family and the 2 additional mouths that came, run generator everyday, and doing everything not to allow my family feel any form of hardship.

Then one day her sister called me and there was nothing she did not say on phone that day, my wife called her and was crying my mum was maltreating her and i kept quiet.
In her sisters exact words, u should be happy my sister married you bcoz she would have seen a better man. These are now the words my wife tells me.

Now the main problem my mum fell sick and she wanted to go back, fuel has now become 145, she met my wife and asked her how will she go if i will drop her or she will take public transport, my wife came to ask me and i ignored it because I didn't want to stir up quarrel. So I met my mother in-laws and told her i would like to go and drop my mum and she said OK if i have spare money for fuel i should do it that moreover my mum is sick.

I wanted to go look for a way to tell my wife but my mum was already dressed thinking she was going that day and was in the room with my wife, and i was to take my mum to somewhere before she goes, and she was in a hurry, I couldn't tell her anymore of my decision, and promised to call her on phone. Only for me to come to the parlor, in front of my mother in-law,i told my mum I would drop her but she had to wait till the next day early morning as I had jobs I needed to attend to.

I then left with my mum to the place she was going to and when we came back, I was with my wife in the room and she was shouting on top her voice, that I shud choose between her and my mum, and that if I go and drop my mum off at her place, she will pack her load and go. I laughe thinking it was a joke.
So mum heard what she said and left my house in anger, in retaliation, that's how i feel, she went to make her hair, as my wife has been begging to come let them go and make her, she cited sickness as example. When I saw my mum with the hair i was bitter and told her to better look for an excuse to give my wife.

She came home and my wife saw the hair and was deeply hurt, mum tried talking to her but it couldn't pacify here, i begged her she refused, so I decided to leave the house and go back to my work, at the door my wife told me to make sure i come back early as she won't givevny mum food, I begged her still, called her when i left and sent an SMS from work, but alas when I got home around past 11pm she didn't give my mum food.

I called my wife, mum and mum Inlaw and tried talking to them so that what ever venom in them will soften, I spoke at length and my mum spoke, when it got to my wife's turn, she flared up and insulted everyone and left, I was disappointed.

The next day morning my mum was finally going to leave, my wife woke up, met her at the door and passed her without greeting and when we were about to leave my wife never came back to say good bye

I travelled and came back and true to her words she packed out of our house and went to Her sisters house.
I called her sister to enquire she wouldn't answer, I went to her house and for 2 hours nobody opened the gate for me, despite hearing my horns and my many calls to her phone which she finally picked and told Me no one was around to open gate for me, quite shortly I saw my mum Inlaw, I asked her how can she encourage her dorta to pack out of the house, she said she was not around when she packed. So my wife's sister knowing her mum was at the gate sent someone to open it and since I was still outside called me she was sending someone to open gate for me, in anger I left and told her not to worry as she was opening it for her mum.
I called my sister in-laws husband and informed him my wife packed to his house without my consent and he was away from town and said when he come back.

He came back and called me after talking to us, I told him I have already changed the padlock of our protector that my wife must apologise before i will let her in again. my wife's response was that she needed a break of 6 months then changed to she was done.

I posted a picture of me holding our baby and wrote some love touching words to him, my wife saw it and became very upset and jelos, and the new accusation became I value our child more than her and don't appreciate her. Then I went to work only to come back home, I saw the locks to the house has been broken, I met my wife packing her remaining things that she needs space, I tried talking to her, next thing her sister called that what is holding her, my wife said I was stopping her, her sister came to my house packed my wife's things including my mum in-laws things, before they left I called my mum Inlaw to ask if she was aware and she said yes, that she heard because of how my wife treated my mum that I said she will not come to my house again, a word I said out of anger. That was how they left.

It's been 3 weeks now I have forgiven my wife and we have settled and she even passed a night in the house and we made mad love

Now she wants to come back, I told her plainly I will not carry those load her sister carried, either she forgets them or I send a cab for her. She agreed to leave the load and come pick her later, immediately she told her sister, the music changed, my wife became abusive and told me if I won't come myself and carry the load then I should forget about her and my child, that she will never use a cab since I have a car and her sister cannot bring the load.

At this juncture I became irritated. Seriously I don't want a broken home since am a product of one, and I know the effects it has on a child.

For 3 weeks I have been jumping from canteen to canteen, I don't know what to do, if to go and bring the load or just allow them to remain there.

Please i need candid advice and criticism, not insult as am already broken.

Am 31 and my wife is 26



****** modified***********

Reading through let me make something clear about the money i borrowed from my in-law

You see am not broke, I live in an comfortable house, drive a good car, and have a land in the state i reside, with a back up bank balance that gave me confidence, but overnight i watched all i have go away due to circumstance better imagined.

I own a truck used for sand and stone transportation, and people into this business will know drivers remit 150k weekly.

My problem started when my truck was involved in an accident which cost a life and also condemned the car, my driver disappeared from the scene and my conductor was in custody for 13weeks

After police case and everything, I paid the family 2.5m for burial and compensation, I paid 400k to the driver of the car my truck hit, bailed my conductor, my truck and closed the police case with 150k.

So this expense cost me 3m that was y i had to seek that loan.

Now i decided not to engage in the trucking business anymore and sell off the truck, but the best price I have gotten from a buyer is 1.5m for a truck i bought 4.5m 2 years ago, so i refused to sell. Still waiting for the right price. To pay off my debt and run my home, I am secretly using my car for uber without my wife's knowledge.although she said i should just sell the truck and start again

I don't want to believe my wife is about the money because she met be broke and we built our wealth together before finally getting married, my problem is during this crisis, she started confiding in her sisters more, and this is where it has landed me




****** modified*********
You see there is more to this story that meets the eye.
That is why I decided to be calm about this whole issue, because it has really opened my eyes, I don't believe this has to do with the money i loaned because the sisters husband also loans money from me atimes,
And pays back, I was very very close to them.

I only soft pedalled on this issue because it is very clear to me there is a grand script been planned by my sister in-laws out of jelousy, because she has been childless for 7 years of marriage.

My wife made a statemet that startled me, that she will send me divorce papers, and that the baby been just 2months, court will award her custody and she will just give the baby to her sister and travel out.

Then i started working on my wife's senses, talking to her until she became soft and we settled my wife she needed time to heal, I offered her to come back home and heal she said know that her sister just had another miscarriage and she needs to be with her.

Now the day my wife came to visit me and decided to sleep over, the sister called her, I pretended to be asleep and I could hear the sister say, now now now, u Don run go sleep there bcoz of sex. The next day it was clear my wife didn't want to go back, I dropped her off around 2pm and before the sister agreed to to open gate for her, it was war after much exchange of whatsapp message

The fault is entirely yours I am sorry to say.

You are facing serious financial difficult and your wife and her family are standing by you and even helping you out financial and still respect you

Is that the time to bring your mum who is a 110% financial liability home? She even said you should come and pick her up faraway. She can't even afford her bus fare from her town to Lagos.

If your wife did likewise, you'll be seething feeling she's indifferent to your finances

It was inconsiderate of both you and your mum.It is the resentment in your wife that has now boiled down to this! A little leaven ferments the whole lump.

Best you makeup with your wife and make sure your mum only comes by when your finances improves.

Your wife is still madly in love with you. You d as Ted for 8years remember? I'm sure girls would have made fun of her when you were a nobody.

It's like 2 siblings who are always fighting. If one of them should die, won't the other be devastated? Or do you think the living sibling would be happy? The living sibling would do everything just to have one more hour with him or her.

Pamper and sweet talk your wife. She's just doing shakara and sulking. She wants you to beg. She may even know she's asking for too much but give it to her.

TheUpsetGirl1:
sorry but your wife love you because of your money... your story alone tells that.. study people very well before getting married.


I ain't saying she a gold digger, but she don't mess with the poor. .

I think he said she met him broke and they built all they gat together... Did miss that part...

Well, OP ..this one is quite a sad piece. 8 yrs of courting doesnt even guarantee a healthy matrumony. Maybe is just your karma. But don't let your ego take the better part of you and cause further ruin to your family.
Good luck.

obi4eze:
This is what happens when small children get married. OP you need to grow up emotionally especially as your wife is still very immature.

Despite the fact that your wife misbehaved, your handling of the issue was poor.

Read good books and understand what marriage is all about. In marriage you need to make sacrifices and let go of a lot of things to avoid problems.

Don't allow 3rd parties or report your wife to someone else. Try as much as possible to solve your problems yourself. The more you do this, the better your marriage.

people that dated for 8 years, which other maturity do they want to attain?


This is why I always say that the length of time a couple dates cannot determine compatibility or length of marriage. How do you date someone for 8 years and start having issues like this barely a year in?

Op, you are carrying excess baggage. You are the man of the house and your word should be law.

Return the money u owe your Inlaw. That was your undoing. Secondly, you have to get yo a point where no Inlaw shows up at your house except u grant permission. Simple as that.

No more compromises. There is always a breaking point which in your case has been exceeded.

The grass is always greener on the other side. Let your wife go look for the better men she thinks are on the other side. Then her brain will reset.

Further more, no more visits from in-laws or your people until economy improves. Work on your finances. A man's respect at home is tied to money. Believe it or not.

Don't sell that truck. Never sell assets under pressure. You will find use for it. Lastly, go and have a man to man talk with God. He is your Maker and knows all things. I had such a chat with Him in my room alone several years back. I asked questions and He gave me clear answers and my life has never been the same. You should try it.

Na that white man matter dey pain me pass, Imagine a wife doing love-vendor for him, and dare you that she'll never stop chatting him.

Mr, don't you find that hard to take Did you just swept that under the carpet for peace to reign

Mr, If you allow that to continue bet me you'll still come here and complain how you caught her with the same white man red handed.

Taken loan shouldn't even make them start misbehaving as they're doing


Anyone that'll tell me not to check my wife's phone is weak and not man enough.

First and foremost, let us identify the problem and know where it's emanating from.



Your wife's sister is the problem here. Her wrong advise to her sister caused your wife to behave so.

Since she is barren, she will continue to control her sister because she is all she gat.

To tackle this and live a peaceful home, you need to settle your debt. Pay her sister all you owe her. Because,if you want to take action by pacifying your wife, you remember the money and debt you owe her sister and this will make you not to react and be boyant enough to talk to her.

As per your wife's mother, she needs to behave like a mother. Because every mothers dream is for their child/children to have a better home.

I know after all these actions your wife displayed,she is gonna be contrite and remorseful.


You really need your wife and your child,cus this is what we call home. And inlaws shouldn't meddle with personal family affairs.


Dnt fell dejected,abandoned or agitated but rather remembering the good time you had together will make you feel stronger and willing to fight for her. Always be enthusiasts, cheerful and delightful whenever you are with her. And also whenever her sister does say anything that irritate you or vex you, Dnt reply back to her,dnt just be vilified but rather be calm and friendly.

I could see you are a masochist from what I have read. Keep it up and never let fear or anger take over you. Be optimistic towards getting her back for good.

I wish you the best.

Marriage is not just all about sex, it is all about love and dedication.

Many had fallen,some dead other have absence of hope as a result of fallen home.

Not directed to the op's: many youths today are jumping into marriage because of sex, others might be because of mothers persuasion, some might be because they wonna shoe off.

Wisdom! Wisdom!! Wisdom!!! ( make sure you examine your fiancee/fiance well before saying yes to him/her.

Maybe move to that state where they have a Commissioner of Relationship

Ovoko! It's too long to read abeg

Brother I fully feel your plight and won't blame you in anyway. Matter-of-factly you are a product of broken home and and statistics have it that 95% of men or women from broken home suffer or stand the chance of producing one, now away from that you can still better your situation. I quickly want to ask OP did u engage in any form of marriage tutorship before marrying or u just dived in Because in marriage tutorship class both parties are meant to understand that they(the to be couples) and their peace and happiness is the number1 priority. If you didn't you can make amends, you two are still young.

Firstly you need to work on your temperament knowing your wife is still young should make you reason above 31,think like a father take n treat her as your first n only daughter. Recognize the era we are in...An era where a lot is going on talking social media n celebrity influences,where vulnerable people especially married ones are being easily influenced negatively with fake stuffs n lifestyle they see on social media.

You seriously need to note at the back of your mind that there's no such thing as perfect marriage but you approach and how you handle issues makes it one..
You need to understand that marriage involves much of compromise and politics, frankly speaking marriage requires more politicking than governmental politics. Most times play politics with your wife just to create sense of confinement and for peace to reign. You must not comment on any issue that arise especially between your wife and your mum...act tired like you are too tired to comment leave them n go to bed or form sleepy-head.
When she rants your mum did this n that pretend to be upset with your mum but don't scold your mum in your mum's present then if your wife leaves hug n chitchat peaceful remedies to whatever has happened with your mum n vice versa.

However swallow you pride and go bring her properties from the sis place but if she insists she needs a space never hesitate to give her a 2in1 stadium (let her enjoy the space in abundance)..
Don't expose or make her feel your weak point until she's matured age-wise, marriage-wise and otherwise.

For your sis in-law... You said it all,its only your parents that genuinely want the best for you in most cases any other person can slightly be jealous...of course you can never detach your wife from her sis (they have being blood before you came through and obviously would still be....blood is always thicker)but what you need to do is curtail your dealings wisely with them(sis in-law n hubby) and make it an utmost priority as it stands now to keep your wife busy with something doing maybe business or any financial engagement that requires physical n mental concentration that is likely to keep her distanced from the sis. Encourage to make quality n matured married friends that she would respect n cherish their relationship could be Christian family friends from church,fellowship or moral minded gatherings.

Above all draw closer to Jesus Christ because He's the author and finisher of our faith... Focus on Him and make Him the head of your family you will see that you will have the best marriage anybody can think of.

Best of luck...

SaudiBoy:
Mr strong man

There is a very wide difference bw a girlfriend and a wife that is why it is very easy for you to ditch your girlfriend. When you cough out 2m to marry a woman and she bears u a child then u will understand, thatthe decisions u make hence forth shud take into consideration Now, the future and ur child.

My guy see,some people here will advise you from their heads and some from their heart but only few will advise you from experience and I just did...


As you can see..she still loves you but there is just something pulling her back so please focus on your business for now and see what is happening as an act of GOD.

Simple Rules for the OP
1)Keep unsolicited advice to yourself
2)Choose your battles, but don't stifle your feelings
3)Be each other's number one
4)Love isn’t a feeling. Love is commitment. It’s time to replace the “D-word”—divorce—with the “C-word”—commitment
5)Forgive the imperfections


(c)

When your sister in law lent you 340k, you clearly did not bring up the barren factor. May God forgive you. I can't blame your wife, I blame you, you are the man. Your wife is not cheating, she stood by you during broke periods, what else. Your mum should give space, it is clear she is you love her, if u really love her, let her stay away. As soon as your boy matures some more, her mum should leave. Both mothers should stay away.

Why did you refuse to get her loads?? This made it clear you have not forgiven her and the same issue will happen again.

don't act stubborn or else nothing will work . Drop your ego. Apologize to her family because when you married her, you married them too.

Guide her through the process to apologize to your mum.

My2kobo

hajoke2000:
it is better late than never AND besides GOD hate divorce .........

also dating a girl for 15years does not guarantee an everlasting marriage .....


make things rite sir GOD will intervene .

Ajoke to ni opolo