₦airaland Forum

QueenSuccubus:


Let me think about it...I want a name that is not hard to spell tho

Let me wait for your wished name .I might be of help incase u need suggestions.

Yes, there are some that bear different Surname... My dad surname was different from US (his children).... While my Step family bear different Surname..... It is possible in Igbo land

Morwendy:
Long story. He was in the Uk when I met him 10 years ago. He was arrested by border agency for being an overstayer BUT after 2 years of legal battles, border agency admitted they got it wrong, that he had been granted a visa to stay for 3 years but they lost his passport and he'd never chased them for it. To get a new Nigerian passport, he had to get his sister to send his national id card from Nigeria and that gave the name we're married under. (Mystified how she got him a new ID card but says she paid officials and they gave it to her). So apart from the new ID card and the new passport, no other documents.

slysteel:
Na so una go dey exhibit una stupidity everywhere una go,Ndi igbo,ndi apari,ana akogheri..

Are you sure all is well with you because you don't sound fit at all? Visit the nearest hospital for confirmation.

hurumnanya:
Using a different surname doesn't make him a scammer.Nigerians change surnames for lots of reasons. The woman has made it clear that they both work for their money, so the guy here isn't dependent on her. She also said she is not a whale so what does he want to scam her for? These are people living together as husband and wife for 8years. Tell me the dude wants to get another wife back home and u will be making sense. However, scam? It's a capital no

So why is his wife of 8 years just getting to know of another surname and why is he still using a previous surname?

Scamming isn't only about getting money fraudulently, people do visa scam etc.

Him trying to or having a wife with kids back in Nigeria without his wife of 8years in the UK knowing about it is still a scam of sorts.

trapQ:
Please, pay no attention to those who called you names saying you've disrespected Nigerians or your husband. You have not in any way said so and neither have you implied that he's a scammer.

However, I personally think you're being scammed. That's how I see it from this perspective.

Weh done omini thinker.

EmpresFIDEL:
i have problem with all your comment, you are just trying to defend the man. I still stand on my word, the woman has every right to doubt the man because he keeps secrets and secondly Nigeria men are known to be fraudsters.. so don't blame the lady. her instincts might be wrong but she has every right to think that way.. am not married yet, so? shay the priest and rev.sister giving marital advice are married? your sense of reasoning is shallow coupled with pride .. you don't have to tell me if I have opinions or not.. 20yrs of marriage do crash because of trust issues not to talk of 8yrs.. if you really want to save this marriage then stop making the lady feel inferior. advice her to talk to her husband and settle issues. gosh! u ain't talking like a Nigeria learned man.

Okay let me oblige you. Lets make a learned conversation and I hope I sound learned since you said I am not one.

1. How can you say Nigerian men are fraudsters? Does that make sense? The 10 highest country with fraudsters does not have Nigeria.
2. You said I should not blame the lady? Where did I do that?. Kindly mention.
3. You said she has every right to to think that way? Did I not say so?.
4. You said priest and rev sister give marital advice? Are they not trained to do so?. I married 5 years ago under the Catholic and I know what I went through under those priests.
5. You said my sense of reasoning is shallow coupled with pride? I am sorry for making you feel that way.
6. 20 years of marriage crash? Do you want to be the one that erroneously judge a marriage based on an online narrative?.
7. I should stop making the lady feel inferior? Where did I do that?
8. I aint talking like a Nigerian man? How do you know I am one? You see why its shallow to conclude things online?

See, here is my point:
Dont be haste to speak but be slow to listen.
You know nothing about this family... You have not heard from this man... We do not even know these people...
So you would agree with me that our opinion about them will be skewed.

Facidio:
you've been married for 8years ..that's long enough to trust your man. in Nigeria its possible to answer your matarnal or parternal surname. the ijaws and itshekiris does that. even my elder brother that started having kids didn't let his kids answer our long used surnmame.....instead he opted for my dads first name to be his kids surname. so lovingly ask ur husband of 8 yrs the reason for his change of name. in naija we say 8 years no be beans o

The point is why is the man making himself untrustworthy? Should she be the person to ask? Shouldn't the man sit his wife down and explain things to her?

Why is he being secretive after 8 years of marriage?

It is very possible... My father Surname was different from ours (his children) . Even my Step family bear different Surname also. In terms of keeping his business over here away from you.. Yes, some men are like that... There are so many of them here that their wife hav no idea about property(ies) because they feel it a man's thing.. . As for your husband family.. try and build rapor with them if you really want to be their wife........

Morwendy:
I don't think he's a gold digger, we both work hard for what we have and that has never been an issue. I just wonder how he has his grandfathers name (paternal not maternal) and a business that I didnt know about. He has no property that I'm aware of until his fathers passing recently but he doesnt have documents for his fathers properties yet. No documents until he got the ID card just before we married.

Morwendy:
Hi. New here but have read threads for years til now and I just have a simple question to ask . Ok, I know how dim I sound but I married my Nigerian husband 8 years ago. Next week, we apply for his permanent leave to remain here. We've been happy enough since we got married, the usual ups and downs but nothing too serious. Anyway, I found that he has a website advertising a business in Nigeria. Asked him about it and he says yes its his but its not up and running yet (like thats why I was mad at him rather than because he set ghis up without even telling me). I was looking at some photos on his site and I came across a poster laying out the days events for his fathers funeral. At the foot of the poster it says 'by [his name but different surname] on behalf of the family. Now, this new surname is the same as his fathers so I believe it to be his true name. Asked him about it and he says that his surname is different to the rest of his family because he chose to take his paternal grandfathers name. I assume his father should also bear the grandfathers name? He just keeps telling me that I don't understand Nigerian customs/traditions but now the word 'scammed' keeps popping into my head. A simple yes or no would be enough - is it usual for a man to NOT take his fathers name? Thanks in advance.

this is what you get when you are too inquisitive and not trying to mind your business. Is this the first time people change their surnames or even other names they perceive to be better than the former. Woman!! I suspect you are a quarrelsome person looking for a way to get back at your man., this is no issue at all. Be the friend your man is looking for, and before you know it, he will start telling you things you don't ask for

A lot of folks here have given good advise and valuable inputs. We can all speculate based on the limited information we can glean from this story. I believe these:

The surname difference has a lot to do with immigration. You mentioned he was arrested by UK Border Agency but they later admitted they got it wrong after realizing the name he came up with tallies with someone legally admitted and with a permission to stay in the UK. This is where the real reason for the difference in surname lies. This name may or may not be his but it is exigent you understand why he did this and so far it has worked for him

Regarding the indefinite leave to stay he is about filling, you must remember that whether or not he files for this, he is already legally permitted to stay in the UK. The indefinite permit only moves him closer to citizenship. If he doesn't get the permanent residency it is not like he would be kicked off the country. My point then is, why do you think this is what he has been waiting for to " start changing things" as you put it?

If he is a scammer as so many people here have suggested , I personally doubt you would be limited to these two minute complaints. Several more serious red flags would have abound

Also understand that African men don't fully disclose all their businesses and other dealings to their spouses. It is just what it is. Most don't do this for pecunial reasons but simply being What they are. Until they feel the need to do so, rightly or wrongly, they sometimes don't tell. Several wives in Nigeria have no clue their husbands own properties somewhere including bank accounts. These often create issues when the man happens to die inta state (that is to die without a will). Would you say these men were also scheming to scam their wives? It's just an African or Nigerian men way of doing things. Again rightly or wrongly.

A marriage of 8years is by no means a joke. The fact he rejected a wife arranged for him without even bothering to tell you shows the quality in him. You only found out yourself. A lot of Nigerians married to even Nigerians abroad still keep second wives at home even without the one he is living with abroad knowing. And these men sometimes still go on to live a full and normal live with both. These are stuff other cultures may conclude are scams. It may well be but every nationality has their peculiarities

Cultures are very confusing at times but I would advise you to listen more to a man's actions than mere words. In 8years you ought to know what and what your husband is capable of doing and things he won't do. If you don't know him well enough by this point then it's probable you may never know

A man can tell you all the rights stuffs. Shows all the right paperwork and not have any false/confusing past as this, but would leave you open mouthed after 2yrs. The key is knowing the character of your man not some piece of paperwork.

Sorry for the long writeup

Changing of surname is not an issue here.

Egbon/Dede fe gba pali, ebi ati omo n be n'ile

I don't know if u are still going through this nut I will want to tell u a very important thing u are missing.

U said he is 49 and u are 52,no child,no adopted kid either. Madam, I will wanna let u know that 99% of Nigerian men,100% igbo men will continue to live with their wives without an offspring without doing something about it behind the wives backs or bodly to her presence if the cause of childlessness is from the female. No man is worth a man if u don't have a child especially son who will continue with your lineage. This is the culture. Most happily married men abroad dotting at their foreign wives have wives and children in Nigeria. Even if he objects,his people will do the needful. Unless he don't travel home. Have u gone to Nigeria with him before? If no,what is ur reason?
Have u discussed adoption with him? What was his reaction?
The mentality of a Nigerian man especially igbo is differently wired from the way the west see things like marriage. In fact, they enter into marriage primarily cos of child bearing.
First of all do ur homework about him and having Nigerian wife. In this case, u can't blame him entirely cos that is how the socity he comes from functions.
Then what effort have u put in making sure he has at least one child. Did u try surogacy?
I honestly don't blame the man cos I can see his dilemma. Trying to please his oyibo wife and not lose face at home.
U have every right to ask questions about whatever is bothering you too.

I am planning to change my kids surname. Part of my family changed theirs. It might be identity theft.
Just cool down and don't go the oyibo way with ur spouse. He seems like a good man so he will explain everything to u. Goodluck

Yes Beni

I'll appreciate you dump him
am available for you with my real surname

efighter:
2500 British Pounds is such a huge amount to you.
What a pity. Nigerians spend more than to buy just a bottle of wine in the club. It's not your fault anyway, it is the devilish government after government that the country has been under, which have been making Nigerians to run abroad for greener pastures. If not, a poor girl like you will not be insulting my brethren and asking him for his forefathers' names because of a token 2500 pounds. Now, send me your account number, I want to refund your 2500 British Shiit.

Sharrap!!! How many Nigerians can afford to lavish that amount on a bottle of wine ?

dancewith:
A lot of folks here have given good advise and valuable inputs. We can all speculate based on the limited information we can glean from this story. I believe these:

The surname difference has a lot to do with immigration. You mentioned he was arrested by UK Border Agency but they later admitted they got it wrong after realizing the name he came up with tallies with someone legally admitted and with a permission to stay in the UK. This is where the real reason for the difference in surname lies. This name may or may not be his but it is exigent you understand why he did this and so far it has worked for him

Regarding the indefinite leave to stay he is about filling, you must remember that whether or not he files for this, he is already legally permitted to stay in the UK. The indefinite permit only moves him closer to citizenship. If he doesn't get the permanent residency it is not like he would be kicked off the country. My point then is, why do you think this is what he has been waiting for to " start changing things" as you put it?

If he is a scammer as so many people here have suggested , I personally doubt you would be limited to these two minute complaints. Several more serious red flags would have abound

Also understand that African men don't fully disclose all their businesses and other dealings to their spouses. It is just what it is. Most don't do this for pecunial reasons but simply being What they are. Until they feel the need to do so, rightly or wrongly, they sometimes don't tell. Several wives in Nigeria have no clue their husbands own properties somewhere including bank accounts. These often create issues when the man happens to die inta state (that is to die without a will). Would you say these men were also scheming to scam their wives? It's just an African or Nigerian men way of doing things. Again rightly or wrongly.

A marriage of 8years is by no means a joke. The fact he rejected a wife arranged for him without even bothering to tell you shows the quality in him. You only found out yourself. A lot of Nigerians married to even Nigerians abroad still keep second wives at home even without the one he is living with abroad knowing. And these men sometimes still go on to live a full and normal live with both. These are stuff other cultures may conclude are scams. It may well be but every nationality has their peculiarities

Cultures are very confusing at times but I would advise you to listen more to a man's actions than mere words. In 8years you ought to know what and what your husband is capable of doing and things he won't do. If you don't know him well enough by this point then it's probable you may never know

A man can tell you all the rights stuffs. Shows all the right paperwork and not have any false/confusing past as this, but would leave you open mouthed after 2yrs. The key is knowing the character of your man not some piece of paperwork.

Sorry for the long writeup

Succinctly put!

Growing up things were so hard for my father. So entering secondary school i had the opportunity to be sponsored by shell cuz my grandpa from the maternal side was a community leader and i cant use my paternal name if im to be awarded scholarship. My dad was so broke. So i started bearing my maternal name right from JSS1 but my paternal name wasn't pushed aside. Its on all my certificates but as a 3rd name. Its annoying but if i didn't bear it i probably would have dropped out in secondary school. So i have both maternal and paternal name on all my certificates. Good thing is that it can be changed back. I am know with my paternal name and on paper it appears. Always does.

I can’t tell you if your husband is real or not, but I can tell you YES it’s possible to have a different surname. A man can decide to honour his grandfather and take up his Grandfather’s first name as his surname.

Some people change their surname altogether. Especially Christians. Eg. From “Ogunwole” (which connotes a worship of a god called Ogun) to Oluwole.etc.

Morwendy:
Hi. New here but have read threads for years til now and I just have a simple question to ask . Ok, I know how dim I sound but I married my Nigerian husband 8 years ago. Next week, we apply for his permanent leave to remain here. We've been happy enough since we got married, the usual ups and downs but nothing too serious. Anyway, I found that he has a website advertising a business in Nigeria. Asked him about it and he says yes its his but its not up and running yet (like thats why I was mad at him rather than because he set ghis up without even telling me). I was looking at some photos on his site and I came across a poster laying out the days events for his fathers funeral. At the foot of the poster it says 'by [his name but different surname] on behalf of the family. Now, this new surname is the same as his fathers so I believe it to be his true name. Asked him about it and he says that his surname is different to the rest of his family because he chose to take his paternal grandfathers name. I assume his father should also bear the grandfathers name? He just keeps telling me that I don't understand Nigerian customs/traditions but now the word 'scammed' keeps popping into my head. A simple yes or no would be enough - is it usual for a man to NOT take his fathers name? Thanks in advance.

slysteel:
Na so una go dey exhibit una stupidity everywhere una go,Ndi igbo,ndi apari,ana akogheri..

your iberibe si na ulo nne gi

Morwendy:
Thanks but when I'm about to pay £2.5k for his leave to remain and hes been busy setting up his secret company in Nigeria, I think I may be permitted to think that when he's a permanent resident next month, he has plans to be changing things?

where are you from (country )?

bujebudanu1:
You are a fool for saying this bro/sis
How many have you bought with d token £2500

Dont mind the litle boy, maybe he thinks the woman picked the £2500 on the floor or she got it through 419

Woman.calm down. Why all these? Stop your private investigation

Morwendy:
Hi. New here but have read threads for years til now and I just have a simple question to ask . Ok, I know how dim I sound but I married my Nigerian husband 8 years ago. Next week, we apply for his permanent leave to remain here. We've been happy enough since we got married, the usual ups and downs but nothing too serious. Anyway, I found that he has a website advertising a business in Nigeria. Asked him about it and he says yes its his but its not up and running yet (like thats why I was mad at him rather than because he set ghis up without even telling me). I was looking at some photos on his site and I came across a poster laying out the days events for his fathers funeral. At the foot of the poster it says 'by [his name but different surname] on behalf of the family. Now, this new surname is the same as his fathers so I believe it to be his true name. Asked him about it and he says that his surname is different to the rest of his family because he chose to take his paternal grandfathers name. I assume his father should also bear the grandfathers name? He just keeps telling me that I don't understand Nigerian customs/traditions but now the word 'scammed' keeps popping into my head. A simple yes or no would be enough - is it usual for a man to NOT take his fathers name? Thanks in advance.

Yes, it is possible especially if he is Igbo. We often take after our grandfather's name or even further down the ancestral lineage [great great grandfather].
My surname is my great grandfather's name. Sometimes, kindreds adopt one surname often the first settler.

Morwendy:
Hi. New here but have read threads for years til now and I just have a simple question to ask . Ok, I know how dim I sound but I married my Nigerian husband 8 years ago. Next week, we apply for his permanent leave to remain here. We've been happy enough since we got married, the usual ups and downs but nothing too serious. Anyway, I found that he has a website advertising a business in Nigeria. Asked him about it and he says yes its his but its not up and running yet (like thats why I was mad at him rather than because he set ghis up without even telling me). I was looking at some photos on his site and I came across a poster laying out the days events for his fathers funeral. At the foot of the poster it says 'by [his name but different surname] on behalf of the family. Now, this new surname is the same as his fathers so I believe it to be his true name. Asked him about it and he says that his surname is different to the rest of his family because he chose to take his paternal grandfathers name. I assume his father should also bear the grandfathers name? He just keeps telling me that I don't understand Nigerian customs/traditions but now the word 'scammed' keeps popping into my head. A simple yes or no would be enough - is it usual for a man to NOT take his fathers name? Thanks in advance.

It's nothing to worry about, we adopt my grandfather's name instead of our regular sur(compound)name while my dad uses either of them...

Morwendy:
I sincerely apologise to those of you who believe that I am not telling it as it is but I have actuallytold it exactly as it is. I do not think any less of Nigerians than I do of tbe English and just wanted to know about the name change. FYI, I'm 52, he's 49. No children though he has always treated my younger ones as his own. He's an Igbo from Owerri. His surname is an English surname. Yes the English do take their fathers name which is what confuses me - his grandfather had an English surname yet his fathers didn't

However, as my question has caused so much offence, I will leave it there. Good evening and thankyou.

Oh and no, I'm not a whale. I'm also not wealthy.

.
i have read through the comments up to 6th page and I think it's just two people that addressed an issue here. The man is Igbo, he is 47, the wife is older and he has no child from the marriage (possibly has no child at all). A man losses respect and some kind of right if he is not married, it is worse when he is married but has no male child, it is even worse when there is no child at all. In Igbo land, a man without a child (mostly a male child) is seem as not achieved anything in life. No matter your wealth and properties, no child no achievement. He may not have worried about this in the beginning but now he is worried. As he is getting old, he is asking himself; "what have I achieved". This is where the problem is, not the name change. He has a plan of getting married to a younger person so as to have a child, even if it is just one. Give him whatever he wants, if he leaves afterward, please let him go.

See how women kill their husband's before their time, he's either a fraudster or a spy, in any way he hasn't done anything to hurt her, she's paranoid thinking he's planning some stuff against her, and she's digging a grave, not knowing who will end up in it, she's igniting the fire to burn her marriage, what a destructive woman.

Morwendy:
Hi. New here but have read threads for years til now and I just have a simple question to ask . Ok, I know how dim I sound but I married my Nigerian husband 8 years ago. Next week, we apply for his permanent leave to remain here. We've been happy enough since we got married, the usual ups and downs but nothing too serious. Anyway, I found that he has a website advertising a business in Nigeria. Asked him about it and he says yes its his but its not up and running yet (like thats why I was mad at him rather than because he set ghis up without even telling me). I was looking at some photos on his site and I came across a poster laying out the days events for his fathers funeral. At the foot of the poster it says 'by [his name but different surname] on behalf of the family. Now, this new surname is the same as his fathers so I believe it to be his true name. Asked him about it and he says that his surname is different to the rest of his family because he chose to take his paternal grandfathers name. I assume his father should also bear the grandfathers name? He just keeps telling me that I don't understand Nigerian customs/traditions but now the word 'scammed' keeps popping into my head. A simple yes or no would be enough - is it usual for a man to NOT take his fathers name? Thanks in advance.

Good day madam . it is very possible for someone to bear different surname name from other siblings. Let me use my own case for example I decided to bear different surname with my siblings, when I discovered my grandfather first name which is very sweet to pronounce than our initial surname, and I told my father that Dady , I want to change my surname to my grandfather name and he accepted it till date am bearing different surname .
But I don't know why your husband decided to change his own surname .

Morwendy:
Hi. New here but have read threads for years til now and I just have a simple question to ask . Ok, I know how dim I sound but I married my Nigerian husband 8 years ago. Next week, we apply for his permanent leave to remain here. We've been happy enough since we got married, the usual ups and downs but nothing too serious. Anyway, I found that he has a website advertising a business in Nigeria. Asked him about it and he says yes its his but its not up and running yet (like thats why I was mad at him rather than because he set ghis up without even telling me). I was looking at some photos on his site and I came across a poster laying out the days events for his fathers funeral. At the foot of the poster it says 'by [his name but different surname] on behalf of the family. Now, this new surname is the same as his fathers so I believe it to be his true name. Asked him about it and he says that his surname is different to the rest of his family because he chose to take his paternal grandfathers name. I assume his father should also bear the grandfathers name? He just keeps telling me that I don't understand Nigerian customs/traditions but now the word 'scammed' keeps popping into my head. A simple yes or no would be enough - is it usual for a man to NOT take his fathers name? Thanks in advance.

In some part of Nigeria people bear their uncles even guardians surnames most especially when they grow up with them.

Yes it is very possible for your husband to have a different surname from that of his father. I do answer the same surname as my father but my children have decided to answer my own name as their surname what they have done is to add my own first name to the family surname as their own surname and their own children can also do same if they so wish, so don't allow it to bother you it's not a scam at all.

Morwendy:
Thanks but when I'm about to pay £2.5k for his leave to remain and hes been busy setting up his secret company in Nigeria, I think I may be permitted to think that when he's a permanent resident next month, he has plans to be changing things?

From what I am seeing here, he might be living a double life.

Does he travel to Nigeria often?

Does he make secret calls that he quickly ends when you are around?

Nigerian women do change their surnames after marriage but it is very, very, very rare for a (married or unmarried) man or an unmarried woman to change their surname.

I suspect your husband has a wife here in Nigeria.

Forget all what these people are telling you here. You need explanations and need to get to the root of the issue.

Why has he never told you about it?

Why did he set up a company in Nigeria with his other surname?

While it is very possible to get an ID here without being present (thanks to corruption), why did your husband not use the surname you know him with? Why did he opt for another name?

Morwendy:
Haha I dont trust his family - he went to visit and his sister had a Nigerian wife lined up for him when he got there who had travelled from the USA to meet him. (He didnt tell me that either, the new wife-to-be contacted me when he refused - she already has a husband in the US) He's 3 years my junior - not a lot when you're in your 50's.

madam please stop giving him any money for now and stop paying any bills for him invest in your children, he might have a wife in Nigeria most Nigerian customs/traditions don't like wife senior the husband they're after your money, that is the truth so be careful.

Morwendy:
Hi. New here but have read threads for years til now and I just have a simple question to ask . Ok, I know how dim I sound but I married my Nigerian husband 8 years ago. Next week, we apply for his permanent leave to remain here. We've been happy enough since we got married, the usual ups and downs but nothing too serious. Anyway, I found that he has a website advertising a business in Nigeria. Asked him about it and he says yes its his but its not up and running yet (like thats why I was mad at him rather than because he set ghis up without even telling me). I was looking at some photos on his site and I came across a poster laying out the days events for his fathers funeral. At the foot of the poster it says 'by [his name but different surname] on behalf of the family. Now, this new surname is the same as his fathers so I believe it to be his true name. Asked him about it and he says that his surname is different to the rest of his family because he chose to take his paternal grandfathers name. I assume his father should also bear the grandfathers name? He just keeps telling me that I don't understand Nigerian customs/traditions but now the word 'scammed' keeps popping into my head. A simple yes or no would be enough - is it usual for a man to NOT take his fathers name? Thanks in advance.

Nothing to worry about.

I come from a family of 6 men, half of us uses our father's name as our surname, the other half uses our paternal grandfather's name as their surname. Half of us let their children use their own name as surname while half us let our children use our father's (their grandfather's) name as their surname - hope you get it?

He may have just used the surname that people will recognize him by for the burial poster.

My 2kobo

Morwendy:
Oh and no, I'm not a whale.

Oh my
They called you a WHALE?

My people cannot change