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My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life - Family - Nairaland

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My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by 3free2: 6:53am On Jun 02, 2018
I know similar stories has been narrated on this forum but I want the world to hear my tale of regret and sorrow.

For nine years I've struggled to eliminate family interference from my home but unfortunately I've not been able to. My father in-law and his wife call the shot and when I resist my wife promptly takes side with them claiming that I'm being disrespectful.

From the onset I pleaded with my own family to allow us chat our own path, learn from our mistakes and grow together in love. This has backfired on me because my wife did not do same with her family.

I can't consider breakup, I don't want my kids to grow in a broken home. The problem is worse presently only God can show me the way out of this mess.

Some might say I was weak from the onset, but some women can be manipulative and cunning. I am in a cage right now, I desperately need help before the worst happens.

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Re: My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by MyMouth(m): 6:55am On Jun 02, 2018
What is the worst that happen?? Hope u are not planning.........

5 Likes 3 Shares

Re: My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by Cutehector(m): 6:58am On Jun 02, 2018
How much money do you have? Because if you commanded money, your inlaws would be calling you sir.

311 Likes 11 Shares

Re: My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by DECENCY3: 6:58am On Jun 02, 2018
You want advise but you have not given us detail of what happened.


Anyway. Communication is one of the keys to successful marriages.

I wish you luck

132 Likes 2 Shares

Re: My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by Anigreat: 7:00am On Jun 02, 2018
shocked







I think this is the moment my signature means alot...read my siggy and be happy.

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Re: My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by sisisioge: 7:05am On Jun 02, 2018
Hmmm...so sorry to hear this. Whatever it is can be fixed. You could:

1. Invite your family to meet with your other family to plead with them to let your nuclear family run its affairs without interference. There shouldn't be any tense atmosphere there o, just family A pleading with family B to allow your own family AB be autonomous.

2. You could just wait until you notice another interference from them. Then take a few things and move out. Don't be afraid, your children won't die. Stay out until your wife is ready to listen. Then let her know your stand.

Lobatan! By God's grace, you are the head of your family...your wife the neck grin

53 Likes 1 Share

Re: My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by Baawaa(m): 7:06am On Jun 02, 2018
Seek the face of the Lord,He is the Alpha and Omega,He will surely direct you.

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Re: My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by 3free2: 7:13am On Jun 02, 2018
[quote author=youngest85 post=68102094]Which worst will happen?
If you wanna commit suicide go ahead and let's know how many of us remain[/quote

There are options worse than suicide, a man just need to keep the devil at bay]

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Re: My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by ShenTeh(m): 7:14am On Jun 02, 2018
youngest85:
Which worst will happen?
If you wanna commit suicide go ahead and let's know how many of us remain

It is really sad the kids we have on this platform.

Someone who's been married for over 9 years -probably longer than you knew your name - comes to seek counsel and your best joke is to lead him on to suicide.

Did your parents not advise you to desist from jumping into matters beyond your cranium?

@OP, It is not too late. You can have your home and control back!
I. Tell your in-laws you detest their interference in running your home. It is not going to be easy, because it seems to me they had enjoyed your introverted nature from forever. They will be shocked! May probably put up a fight and lash out, but trust me, they will begin to respect that. Go there. Cite specific examples when you talk to them. Don't make phone calls. You also don't need to discus your planned visit with your wife, they'll tell her anyway and you need to face them with a clear head (We know the way our wives interfere with our senses). Too, you need her shock to be genuine when her parents give her the feedback. She may get back at you with whining and bickering, but she will be deeply relieved to know that you went alpha-male.

2. You must also earn the trust of your family. Wifey and children must know that you have their best interest at heart, even if you don't have the means now.

Talk often about your dreams for your family and try to give clear and simple explanations for your actions. Seek your wife's opinion on even simple issues and explain to her why her option may be unsuitable at the moment...

Etc

Good luck. It will work out fine.

192 Likes 4 Shares

Re: My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by 3free2: 7:27am On Jun 02, 2018
sisisioge:
Hmmm...so sorry to hear this. Whatever it is can be fixed. You could:

1. Invite your family to meet with your other family to plead with them to let your nuclear family run its affairs without interference. There shouldn't be any tense atmosphere there o, just family A pleading with family B to allow your own family AB be autonomous.

2. You could just wait until you notice another interference from them. Then take a few things and move out. Don't be afraid, your children won't die. Stay out until your wife is ready to listen. Then let her know your stand.

Lobatan! By God's grace, you are the head of your family...your wife the neck grin


My family keep reminding me what I told them from the start. My uncle warned me but I didn't understand him then. When I introduced this lady to him as the person I intend to marry roughly six weeks after I met her, he was shocked, he asked me, do you really know her? do you her family? Probably due to lack of experience I insisted on marrying her since we both love each other. That love has since disappeared and my uncle is vindicated. We have three kids yet my wife place her family above our nuclear family.

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Re: My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by 3free2: 7:36am On Jun 02, 2018
ShenTeh:


It is really sad the kids we have on this platform.

Someone who's been married for over 9 years -probably longer than you knew your name - comes to seek counsel and your best joke is to lead him in to suicide.

Did your parents not advise you to desist from jumping into matters beyond your cranium?

@OP, It is not too late. You can have your home and control back!
I. Tell your in-laws you detest their interference in running your home. It is not going to be easy, because it seems to me they had enjoyed your introverted nature from forever. They will be shocked! May probably

Looking back, I think I have been worst than an introvert. Iwas so eager to impress my stupid in-laws.
I've given up so much for the sake of the happy home of my dreams. I'm too ashamed to narrate the whole story.

17 Likes

Re: My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by graciamore(f): 7:40am On Jun 02, 2018
youngest85:
Which worst will happen?
If you wanna commit suicide go ahead and let's know how many of us remain
this is too harsh sir

4 Likes

Re: My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by sisisioge: 7:50am On Jun 02, 2018
3free2:


My family keep reminding me what I told them from the start. My uncle warned me but I didn't understand him then. When I introduced this lady to him as the person I intend to marry roughly six weeks after I met her, he was shocked, he asked me, do you really know her? do you her family? Probably due to lack of experience I insisted on marrying her since we both love each other. That love has since disappeared and my uncle is vindicated. We have three kids yet my wife place her family above our nuclear family.


Well, the day is still young for you guys. There will be several workable advice here. All will be well.

1 Like

Re: My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by Tallesty1(m): 8:11am On Jun 02, 2018
3free2:
For nine years I've struggled to eliminate family interference from my home but unfortunately I've not been able to
Why struggle? Just decide and if they're not comfortable with your decision then they should take their daughter. Life is very simple
3free2:
My father in-law and his wife call the shot
Because you allowed them bro, report him to his kinsmen, church and tell them to warn him to remove his nose from your business
3free2:
when I resist my wife promptly takes side with them claiming that I'm being disrespectful.
To be a man, you must step on toes when necessary. What is wrong with disrespecting people who do not respect you? Let your wife take any side she wants, just don't change your mind, don't look face and don't say sorry.
3free2:
From the onset I pleaded with my own family to allow us chat our own path, learn from our mistakes and grow together in love. This has backfired on me because my wife did not do same with her family
Tell your wife what you want, how you want it and stand your ground, don't give in to her manipulations. And if her parents interfer then tell them to their face to leave you to run your family the way you want.
3free2:
I can't consider breakup, I don't want my kids to grow in a broken home
Not necessary unless your wife is stubborn and foolish.
3free2:
The problem is worse presently only God can show me the way out of this mess.
God cannot do for a man what he has already empowered him to do. Sit down, think and decide and then tell your wife to fall in, if she refuses then let her go. No be africa we dey? Let's see how long she can stay with her parents before running back to you. Only then will she know that her parents never really loved her as they claim.
3free2:
Some might say I was weak from the onset, but some women can be manipulative and cunning
Ofcourse you are. Being manipulatable makes you weak but it doesn't matter. Stand up and say "NO, MY MUMU DON DO" and mean it.
3free2:
I in a cage right now, I desperately need help before the worst happens.
You are free like a bird bro, nobody caged you. Just be a man in every sense of it. Be insensitive when need be, be strong like a lion and wise like a serpent.

136 Likes 10 Shares

Re: My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by Sanchez01: 9:08am On Jun 02, 2018
3free2:
I know similar stories has been narrated on this forum but I want the world to hear my tale of regret and sorrow,
For nine years I've struggled to eliminate family interference from my home but unfortunately I've not been able to. My father in-law and his wife call the shot and when I resist my wife promptly takes side with them claiming that I'm being disrespectful.
From the onset I pleaded with my own family to allow us chat our own path, learn from our mistakes and grow together in love. This has backfired on me because my wife did not do same with her family.
I can't consider breakup, I don't want my kids to grow in a broken home. The problem is worse presently only God can show me the way out of this mess.
Some might say I was weak from the onset, but some women can be manipulative and cunning. I in a cage right now, I desperately need help before the worst happens.
Well, now is not the time to blame you. A friend of mine just survived a similar hell. The funniest part is that his marriage isn't up to two years yet.

You should consider relocating. It is your best bet right now, trust me. Doing so would greatly reduce the interference.

Well I quite understand that your present location is likely where your place of work is, you have to figure how to cope and how best to deal with it. In all, you need to relocate.

18 Likes 1 Share

Re: My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by emeijeh(m): 10:36am On Jun 02, 2018
3free2:


Looking back, I think I have been worst than an introvert. Iwas so eager to impress my stupid in-laws.
I've given up so much for the sake of the happy home of my dreams. I'm too ashamed to narrate the whole story.

Easy on the bolded, man..... They gave you a wife remember?


As for that commenter up there who suggested suicide, you need to grow up, kid

14 Likes

Re: My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by Fundamentalist: 10:53am On Jun 02, 2018
Something similar almost happened to me, though I liked her but I chose reality over emotions . Roughly two months after meeting her , I introduced her to my mum who liked her and also went to her family. But during a meeting with her people , they were telling me I have to allow their daughter do a lot of things , that they know an average man would reject. I made them understand plainly that , its a man that run his home and I won't give into such conditions . This lady in question also made this demands but I stood my ground , she actually agreed at first to deceive me but later came and told me I have to change my mind or its over . I didn't waste time as I ended the relationship. She began looking for a way back for six months I don't take her calls nor read her SMS , she gave up . I can't be a puppet to my inlwas because I'm marrying their daughter .

The problem Mr op is that you gave them leeway for nine years , it won't be easy to erase that control you gave them , dont know your ideology though, but as a Muslim its very easy for me , I will marry another wife(s) and just watch how balance of power will shift. Most people who do such , do it to make a statement.

Begging your in-laws to leave you alone is a big mistake but doing something they themselves can't approach you will make them distance themselves from you and your family.

Though an introvert, but I'm not afraid to offend people when my line is crossed no matter who they are including my in-laws even family know their limit . This is not disrespect, its fact

136 Likes 9 Shares

Re: My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by Nobody: 11:02am On Jun 02, 2018
Bro listen good. Exact same thing happened to me. My ex wife always took instructions from her family and undermined me severally after many warnings. Maybe cos they are well off. Never be with a manipulative wife that picks her family over you. Combine that with proud in-laws then that's a disaster!! I pity u bro! Yours is different cos u have 3kids with her. What were u thinking bro!! 3kids! And ur just noticing ur caged? Marriage na setup I swear. Well I sent her packing. Now her proud family is the one calling me and they ashamed of their daughter in their house. But never will I go back cos I have seen their hidden characters and I would not want to bring kids into a disaster union. grin

Bro this your woman will make your kids disrespect you. Way out:

Call a family meeting and warn your wife Infront of her family with a loud voice that ur done with d disrespect. If she tries it again,throw her things out and see u recover some respect cos they will beg u. It's better to be a Wicked husband than a weak husband bro. You have been too nice and decent. Act like an Agbero wey no send and ul see changes grin Look people punch a pillow cos they know it's soft and can't do nothing but scared to punch a Hard Rock cos it would leave them injured.

Marriage in Africa comes with a Lotta baggage and subtle slavery. I am safe to say I have tasted being single and married. I will pick SINGLE any day!!!! There are no benefits of marriage for a man but just pains, trials and tribulations grin. It's a scam. Societal expectations are mere lies! Misery loves company! Most married men are unhappy but they all see you and say when are you getting married? as if you are missing out! No wonder it is the woman's happiest day. Cos 80percent of her life goals has been achieved but a man's problems begins! I don't blame baby daddies I swear! Why buy the whole cow when you can get the milk for 2cents? Marriage to most ladies in this dispensation is like playing Russian roulette by handing a woman a pistol loaded with two bullets outta 7 rounds and asking her to roll and shoot! Lmao

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Re: My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by Ishilove: 12:03pm On Jun 02, 2018
3free2:


My family keep reminding me what I told them from the start. My uncle warned me but I didn't understand him then. When I introduced this lady to him as the person I intend to marry roughly six weeks after I met her, he was shocked, he asked me, do you really know her? do you her family? Probably due to lack of experience I insisted on marrying her since we both love each other. That love has since disappeared and my uncle is vindicated. We have three kids yet my wife place her family above our nuclear family.
"Love is blind, but na inside marriage eye dey clear." Truer words have never been spoken.

16 Likes 2 Shares

Re: My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by Ishilove: 12:07pm On Jun 02, 2018
Sanchez01:

Well, now is not the time to blame you. A friend of mine just survived a similar hell. The funniest part is that his marriage isn't up to two years yet.

You should consider relocating. It is your best bet right now, trust me. Doing so would greatly reduce the interference.

Well I quite understand that your present location is likely where your place of work is, you have to figure how to cope and how best to deal with it. In all, you need to relocate.
Oya the full gist pronto. You know where... wink
Re: My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by Ishilove: 12:15pm On Jun 02, 2018
Pipedreams:
Bro listen good. Exact same thing happened to me. My ex wife always took instructions from her family and undermined me severally after many warnings. Maybe cos they are well off. Never be with a manipulative wife that picks her family over you. Combine that with proud in-laws then that's disaster!! I pity u bro! Yours is different cos u have 3kids with her. What were u thinking bro!! 3kids! And ur just noticing ur caged? Marriage na setup I swear. Well I sent her packing. Now her proud family is the one calling me and they ashamed of their daughter in their house. But never will I go back cos I have seen their hidden characters and I would not want to bring kids into a disaster union. grin

Bro this your woman will make your kids disrespect you. Way out:

Call a family meeting and warn your wife Infront of her family with a loud voice that ur done with d disrespect. If she tries it again,throw her things out and see u recover some respect cos they will beg u. It's better to be a Wicked husband than a weak husband bro. You have been too nice and decent. Act like an Agbero wey no send and ul see changes grin Look people punch a pillow cos they know it's soft and can't do nothing but scared to punch a Hard Rock cos it would leave them injured.

Marriage in Africa comes with a Lotta baggage and subtle slavery. I am safe to say I have tasted being single and married. I will pick SINGLE any day!!!! There are no benefits of marriage for a man but just pains, trials and tribulations grin. It's a scam. Societal expectations are mere lies! Misery loves company! Most married men are unhappy but they all see you and say when are you getting married? as is you are missing out! No wonder it is the woman's happiest day. Cos 80percent of her life goals has been achieved but a man's problems begins! I don't blame baby daddies I swear! Marriage to most ladies in this dispensation is like playing Russian roulette by handing a woman a pistol with loaded with two bullets outta 7 rounds and ask her to roll and shoot! Lmao

cc: lalasticlala
I have noticed your comments and posts on marital affairs on this forum. You go around advising people with marital challenges to quit their marriages because yours didn't work out. Misery loves company, so you want everyone break up their homes because your own marriage failed. Pele o, Chairman, Association of Unhappily Divorced Men. Shioor.

Guy, swerve with your bitterness. Marriages are still succeeding. If you don't have any reasonable advice to give then stop polluting threads with your cynicism and negativity. We all can't be unhappy like you, so my sincere advise to you is go away, lick your wounds, heal properly before coming back to the internet.

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Re: My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by Nobody: 12:38pm On Jun 02, 2018
Ishilove:

I have noticed your comments and posts on marital affairs on this forum. You go around advising people with marital challenges to quit their marriages because yours didn't work out. Misery loves company, so you want everyone break up their homes because your own marriage failed. Pele o, Chairman, Association of Unhappily Divorced Men. Shioor.

Guy, swerve with your bitterness. Marriages are still succeeding. If you don't have any reasonable advice to give then stop polluting threads with your cynicism and negativity. We all can't be unhappy like you, so my sincere advise to you is go away, lick your wounds, heal properly before coming back to the internet.

Lol ur a woman sure ul say I sound bitter. Only a rationale male would understand that getting married to this present dispensation of ladies that social media and selfishness has wrecked is a recipe for disaster. Women of yesteryears can NEVER be compared to this present times when feminists are on the prowl. There are good women too that will bring you peace but they are as rare as Unicorns. Brothers to have a happy marriage be ready to SUMBIT to your wives grin grin drops mic

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Re: My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by Ishilove: 12:49pm On Jun 02, 2018
Pipedreams:


Lol ur a woman sure ul say I sound bitter. Only a rationale male would understand that getting married to this present dispensation of ladies that social media and selfishness has wrecked is a recipe for disaster. Women of yesteryears can NEVER be compared to this present times when feminists are on the prowl. There are good women too that will bring you peace but they are as rare as Unicorns. Brothers to have a happy marriage be ready to SUMBIT to your wives grin grin drops mic
Stop generalising

13 Likes 1 Share

Re: My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by victorian(f): 1:50pm On Jun 02, 2018
Pipedreams:


Lol ur a woman sure ul say I sound bitter. Only a rationale male would understand that getting married to this present dispensation of ladies that social media and selfishness has wrecked is a recipe for disaster. Women of yesteryears can NEVER be compared to this present times when feminists are on the prowl. There are good women too that will bring you peace but they are as rare as Unicorns. Brothers to have a happy marriage be ready to SUMBIT to your wives grin grin drops mic












Heehehehehehehehehe cheesy grin


I can't believe this cheesy

Sighs na wa!

You and ishilove grin
But seriously not all marriages is that bad for the men..some men are happily married to their wives ,Mr Chairman. cheesy

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Re: My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by Ishilove: 2:08pm On Jun 02, 2018
victorian:

Heehehehehehehehehe cheesy grin


I can't believe this cheesy

Sighs na wa!

You and ishilove grin
But seriously not all marriages is that bad for the men..some men are happily married to their wives ,Mr Chairman. cheesy
Chairman the Honourable grin

1 Like

Re: My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by 3free2: 2:58pm On Jun 02, 2018
I've been discussing with my family and they all agreed that though I've been naive, it's time to call my in-laws to order family to family.

I'm some how relieved after their show of support. I believe a solution will come after the planned meeting even if it means breaking up.

I thank you for your prompt response and I hope Nairaland last forever so people can continue to seek and get help in difficult times.

39 Likes 2 Shares

Re: My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by Les: 4:40pm On Jun 02, 2018
If you know you are very single, I mean seriously very single and you don't want to be in this our brother's shoes, just come in here and let's offer some sacrifices to the God of marriage to spare us this unnecessary drama and headache, abeg o! undecided undecided undecided

19 Likes 2 Shares

Re: My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by Nobody: 4:54pm On Jun 02, 2018
Les:
If you know you are very single, I mean seriously very single and you don't want to be in this our brother's shoes, just come in here and let's offer some sacrifices to the God of marriage to spare us this unnecessary drama and headache, abeg o! undecided undecided undecided

Marry a foreign girl with foreign mentality or have a baby mama mbok. Nigerians ladies are fast on the decline. No thanks to social media. Everybody wants to slay. I know a yahoo boy school dropout that has fxcked sweet working class godly wife materials all because he drives a white 2015 C class.

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Re: My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by iLegendd(m): 6:34pm On Jun 02, 2018
Some of these married people self. You go into marriage without knowing a dime about relationship and marriage. You let love cloud your reasoning even without knowing how love works.

I wouldn't want to be mean, but I don't see any problem. All I see is a clueless married man.

I'm like that your uncle who was advising you, but you refused to listen. At the moment, I'm advising other young men, but they're currently acting as if they know it all. Their time to create a thread like this is coming...but if they listen, it will be averted.

Anyway, it seems everyone wants to learn from experience.

Have a nice day.

11 Likes

Re: My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by Les: 6:43pm On Jun 02, 2018
Pipedreams:


Marry a foreign girl with foreign mentality or have a baby mama mbok. Nigerians ladies are fast on the decline. No thanks to social media. Everybody wants to slay. I know a yahoo boy school dropout that has fxcked sweet working class godly wife materials all because he drives a white 2015 C class.
if you follow the American social experiments on YouTube, you would know it's not a Nigerian girl thing, it's a general girl thing. Be wise!

12 Likes 1 Share

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