₦airaland Forum

Lloydfolarin:


You ll be in this your miserable cage for a long time as long as you maintain this sort of repulsive mentality.

Life is too short to spend each day regretting your marriage.

I was once in your shoes but bailed myself out and happy for taking that bold step then as a man.

Real men take tough decisions.

You ll be free from problems of this world right from the day you don’t allow anything to hold you down including your children.

Listen, if you die today, your children ll move on as if you are nothing.

You became a miserable fool cos of mere pussy of your wife and children. The day you zero your mind on those two advantages she has over you, trust me, happiness ll become all yours.

My guy, if you are the one feeding yourself, call the bluff of her parents in her present with little madness and see these people respecting your boundary.

If she is your wife, she ll remain your wife. If she isn’t your wife, separation ll eventually happen.

Mr man, children is not excuse to stay in marriage. Only peace of mind should keep you in marriage.

Trust me, i was once in your shoes cos of my children, i couldn’t leave the stupid marriage. I was miserable and scare for my children being raised in broken home. However, i later realise that if i die in that marriage, this children ll move on very fast...

You can stay in your children lives while living on your own. Trust me, you ll see the difference in a week. You ll see you are missing in term of peace of mind and sanity.

The day a woman knows that you are afraid to lose your children or don’t want your children to be raised in a broken home, trust me, you are finished. She ll use it against you.

Why do you think all these babe mama respect their babe dads? Why? Cos those guys don’t give a Bleep.

Look at those small children called Davido and Wizkid, no woman out of those babies mamas can disrespect them cos they are in charge.

Be in charge and prove to your in laws that you are a Mr nonsense man by throwing them out of your house and your wife if she wants to take side with them.

If you think anybody has a better method to make your marriage than what i have said here, you are in for a shock. That family ll never changed until you do what i ask you to do

timilehin007:
Bros I swear to almighty God. This your comment points all fingers to me. She had been using my weak point which used to be the kids. I just did exactly what u said here...and guess what?; it happened just 2days ago..I dumped her sorry ass for good . I considered that if I die the children would survive so now my well-being comes first o...I was too soft bro if I narrate my own story from the kind of torture I got from her and her mother ehnnn even the OP will shiver. .his own case is very small compared to mine..

xtenxive:
The first option does not seem appropriate after 9years as I am sure they know what they are doing and the more people involved, more dimensions and perspectives will begin to hold sway making it more complex to resolve.

If the husband has been living up to expectations in the marriage and playing his role responsibly, he only needs to rise up to the occasion and frankly communicate his stand to his wife (so she communicates this to her people) and if she does not then he should surprise her and move out (if she truly loves him like he claims then he will know by virtue of her subsequent action). At this point, no negotiations can address this, only action can do that.

Tallesty1:
Why struggle? Just decide and if they're not comfortable with your decision then they should take their daughter. Life is very simple
Because you allowed them bro, report him to his kinsmen, church and tell them to warn him to remove his nose from your business To be a man, you must step on toes when necessary. What is wrong with disrespecting people who do not respect you? Let your wife take any side she wants, just don't change your mind, don't look face and don't say sorry.
Tell your wife what you want, how you want it and stand your ground, don't give in to her manipulations. And if her parents interfer then tell them to their face to leave you to run your family the way you want.
Not necessary unless your wife is stubborn and foolish. God cannot do for a man what he has already empowered him to do. Sit down, think and decide and then tell your wife to fall in, if she refuses then let her go. No be africa we dey? Let's see how long she can stay with her parents before running back to you. Only then will she know that her parents never really loved her as they claim.
Ofcourse you are. Being manipulatable makes you weak but it doesn't matter. Stand up and say "NO, MY MUMU DON DO" and mean it. You are free like a bird bro, nobody caged you. Just be a man in every sense of it. Be insensitive when need be, be strong like a lion and wise like a serpent.

gaby:
Ol boy na true life levels o...part of am dey my book sef for my siggy...

harveyspec:
Pls can you give examples of what they demanded? I want to learn

LaudableXX:
Permit me to disagree. Single parenting does not necessarily raise defective children, if such single parents are honest, disciplined, respectful, responsible and well-adjusted individuals . It is better for a child or children to be raised by one normal, responsible parent than to be raised in a home run by two irresponsible, ill-mannered, abusive, rude and dysfunctional parents. Take your pick. There are children today, who grew up in single parent homes, either because their father or one of their parents died during their childhood. Yet, such children turned out right.

We should learn to be careful about generalising or lumping people, situations and things together. There are different strokes for different folks. Kids that grow up in households where they saw their father or mother being abused by their spouses, or other halves, will think such behaviour is normal. They may grow up to replicate such behaviour as adults. Those that see such actions as abnormal, end up with emotional scars.

Cutehector:
How much money do you have? Because if you commanded money, your inlaws would be calling you sir.

3free2:
My family keep reminding me what I told them from the start. My uncle warned me but I didn't understand him then. When I introduced this lady to him as the person I intend to marry roughly six weeks after I met her, he was shocked, he asked me, do you really know her? do you her family? Probably due to lack of experience I insisted on marrying her since we both love each other. That love has since disappeared and my uncle is vindicated. We have three kids yet my wife place her family above our nuclear family.

ojlifa:
we can debate this issue,but the fact remains single parenting raises defective children.go and check the back ground of most gay and lesbians two thing always stand out,sexual abuse at young age and single parenting .simply put men and women have different mental and physical make up,while growing up this imitation takes place,how to relate with the sexes take place and guardian and counselling takes place. eg if a girl child is raised by a single mother,she has no male impute meaning she wouldn't know how to relate in the context of a relationship,because she never really sew her mother relate in such context.her mother most likely turns her into a girls girl,meaning she would already have issue with men.if its a boy raise by a single mother,the mother has no knowledge on what it takes to be a man,so she rather teaches him what she knows which is been a woman,so you have a woman in a mans skin.same thing if roles are switched .as for those who grow up in homes where either partner has died,usually the kids got to have an idea of how it was and what they learnt probably just in a shorter time

Pipedreams:
May God increase the oil on your head. You will make a good wife. A woman should stick to her husband and not join his in-laws to bring him down. You spoke well unlike ishilove that has same destructive mentality.

Olumeme:
I don't know why men find themselves in this kind of ugly situation.
Those I have heard this kind of stories from are mostly due to the fact that their inlaws pick their bills.

My brother, any man that can't make his woman loyal, then he should be ready to go through this kind of mess, If you can't tell your wife to sit down there without any fear of her disobeying you, then forget it, because she will be the one that will sell you out.

The solution is for you to start calling the shot and bluffing them, any day you give an order and she disobeys, send her back to her parents, she will definitely have sense.

To posses some powers, you must be ready to take some risks

Pipedreams:
Bro trust me it's worse in igboland. It's automatic. No money no respect. Marrying from Yoruba families are better. An Igbo woman becomes highly disloyal and disrespectful if u don't have money. A yoruba lady may hustle it out with u and won't mind living in face me I face you. I am a proud Anambra boy and I know what I'm saying.

LaudableXX:
Do you have any empirical evidence or research that supports your assertions? Single parenthood is not responsible for the prevalence of gays and lesbians in our society. There are tons of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) people who were raised in homes with two parents - a mother & a father. So how do you explain that?

So if for example, a child's father dies before he or she grows up, are you saying that he/she would automatically grow up in a defective manner to become a lesbian or gay individual, if they are raised by the mother? Where did you hear that one? As long as the child's uncle, grandfather or mum's male relative, can offer fatherly guidance, there shouldn't be problems.

People relate with members of the opposite sex, based on socialisation. After all, the single mother can have platonic friends of both sexes, or neighbours, or relatives who would visit from time to time, and the child could learn from the way his/her mum relates with them. No man or woman is an island. That is why I said earlier it is essential for the single parent to be an honest, disciplined, respectful, responsible and well-adjusted individual.

Usually challenges arise, when such single mums or single dads remarry, and the kids now find it difficult adjusting to their father or mother's new spouse. Stories of step-mums or stepdads maltreating kids are all too common.

Even when both parents are still married, there are some men who are irresponsible absentee fathers, who despite being married, play no active role, in the upbringing of the child. There are married women like that too, who abdicate their responsibilities to the maid, nanny or whoever is on ground.

Oga, it is bad parenting that makes children grow up in a defective manner, and not single parenthood. Not all single parents are automatically bad parents.

mamawin:
Gee thanks. Been married for two decades, come August

victorian:
Be calm jor!
Smiles

Nothing dey happen with the yahoo guys... Ok have removed your email from my quote ..so u can edit and remove it *grins*




Expect a mail from me in 2sec

ojlifa:
we can debate this issue,but the fact remains single parenting raises defective children.go and check the back ground of most gay and lesbians two thing always stand out,sexual abuse at young age and single parenting .simply put men and women have different mental and physical make up,while growing up this imitation takes place,how to relate with the sexes take place and guardian and counselling takes place. eg if a girl child is raised by a single mother,she has no male impute meaning she wouldn't know how to relate in the context of a relationship,because she never really sew her mother relate in such context.her mother most likely turns her into a girls girl,meaning she would already have issue with men.if its a boy raise by a single mother,the mother has no knowledge on what it takes to be a man,so she rather teaches him what she knows which is been a woman,so you have a woman in a mans skin.same thing if roles are switched .as for those who grow up in homes where either partner has died,usually the kids got to have an idea of how it was and what they learnt probably just in a shorter time

Pusyiter:
I see am
How you dey

ojlifa:
it appears you are from a single parent and you see my comment as some personal attack.but far from the truth.they are defective end of story,a girl child is usually and as you know on no subject matter can you get a 100% result with humans and that is why we are humans but the majority would be used as assessment on the subject issue,back to what i was say male children are a reflection of there father,and female there mother,if you wish to get married and you want to know how your supposed spouse would behave,just look at there parent you can make a safe 80% assessment .this is a fact.while you may learn from the world but your life as a human is mostly molded by what happens within the 4 walls of the home and that guardians and counselling i spoke about.so save me that research talk,america right now is suffering from low male self esteem issues,plus what they term weaker men and higher gayism among black and Hispanic men.what do they have in common,they where raised by single women,the white who mostly grow in a family(husband and wife )setting is suffer same effect at a far less rate .so you can deceive yourself but the reality is what it is .surely you there not produce finding with such conclusion or those responsible for what is term social re-engineering would eat you.

Renowned neurosurgeon Ben Carson is the United States Secretary of Housing and Urban Development, appointed by President Donald Trump.

Birth and Family Background
Benjamin Solomon Carson was born in Detroit, Michigan, on September 18, 1951, the second son of Sonya and Robert Solomon Carson. His mother was raised in Tennessee in a very large family and dropped out of school in the third grade. With limited prospects in life, she married Baptist minister and factory worker Robert Carson when she was 13. The couple moved to Detroit and had two children. But Sonya eventually discovered her husband was a bigamist and had another secret family. After the couple divorced, Robert moved in with his other family, leaving Sonya and her children financially devastated.

Influential Mother
Ben was 8 and Curtis, his brother, was 10 when Sonya began to raise them as a single mother, reportedly moving to Boston to live with her sister for a time and eventually returning to Detroit. The family was very poor and to make ends meet Sonya sometimes toiled at two or three jobs simultaneously in order to provide for her boys. Most of the jobs she had was as a domestic worker.

As Carson later detailed in his autobiography, his mother was frugal with the family's finances, cleaning and patching clothes from the Goodwill in order to dress the boys. The family would also go to local farmers and offer to pick vegetables in exchange for a portion of the yield. Sonya would then can the produce for the her childrens' meals. Her actions, and the way she managed the family, proved to be a tremendous influence on Ben and Curtis.

Sonya also taught her boys that anything was possible. By his recollection many years later, Carson had thoughts of a career in medicine. For medical care, his family would have to wait for hours to be seen by one of the interns at hospitals in Boston or Detroit. Carson observed the hospital as doctors and nurses went about their routines, dreaming that one day they would be calling for a "Dr. Carson." https://www.biography.com/people/ben-carson-475422

Pipedreams:
Bro listen good. Exact same thing happened to me. My ex wife always took instructions from her family and undermined me severally after many warnings. Maybe cos they are well off. Never be with a manipulative wife that picks her family over you. Combine that with proud in-laws then that's a disaster!! I pity u bro! Yours is different cos u have 3kids with her. What were u thinking bro!! 3kids! And ur just noticing ur caged? Marriage na setup I swear. Well I sent her packing. Now her proud family is the one calling me and they ashamed of their daughter in their house. But never will I go back cos I have seen their hidden characters and I would not want to bring kids into a disaster union.

Bro this your woman will make your kids disrespect you. Way out:

Call a family meeting and warn your wife Infront of her family with a loud voice that ur done with d disrespect. If she tries it again,throw her things out and see u recover some respect cos they will beg u. It's better to be a Wicked husband than a weak husband bro. You have been too nice and decent. Act like an Agbero wey no send and ul see changes Look people punch a pillow cos they know it's soft and can't do nothing but scared to punch a Hard Rock cos it would leave them injured.

Marriage in Africa comes with a Lotta baggage and subtle slavery. I am safe to say I have tasted being single and married. I will pick SINGLE any day!!!! There are no benefits of marriage for a man but just pains, trials and tribulations . It's a scam. Societal expectations are mere lies! Misery loves company! Most married men are unhappy but they all see you and say when are you getting married? as if you are missing out! No wonder it is the woman's happiest day. Cos 80percent of her life goals has been achieved but a man's problems begins! I don't blame baby daddies I swear! Why buy the whole cow when you can get the milk for 2cents? Marriage to most ladies in this dispensation is like playing Russian roulette by handing a woman a pistol loaded with two bullets outta 7 rounds and asking her to roll and shoot! Lmao

ojlifa:
it appears you are from a single parent and you see my comment as some personal attack.but far from the truth.they are defective end of story,a girl child is usually and as you know on no subject matter can you get a 100% result with humans and that is why we are humans but the majority would be used as assessment on the subject issue,back to what i was say male children are a reflection of there father,and female there mother,if you wish to get married and you want to know how your supposed spouse would behave,just look at there parent you can make a safe 80% assessment .this is a fact.while you may learn from the world but your life as a human is mostly molded by what happens within the 4 walls of the home and that guardians and counselling i spoke about.so save me that research talk,america right now is suffering from low male self esteem issues,plus what they term weaker men and higher gayism among black and Hispanic men.what do they have in common,they where raised by single women,the white who mostly grow in a family(husband and wife )setting is suffer same effect at a far less rate .so you can deceive yourself but the reality is what it is .surely you there not produce finding with such conclusion or those responsible for what is term social re-engineering would eat you.

aribisala0:
Were you sexually molested as a child? You assert that homosexuality is a product of sexual abuse in childhood.

Your style seems to be that of a bully by trying to make things personal. That is your territory.

The reality is you the generation that rebuilt Europe after WW II and Japan , that survived Biafra had large numbers of orphaned children . They were not defective.

According to your logic there should be no "defective" children in Zamfara State in Kano , In Saudi Arabia and Afghanistan.

The truth is that there are so many factors affecting outcome that are external or environmental and there are some that are intrinsic or personal .

It is dishonest to pretend that one factor e.g being raised by married parents is more important than other factors e.g

1. Neighbourhood ( social class of neighbours)
2. Poverty e.g
3. Proximity to crime e.g drugs,gangs, violence, sexual precocity, childhood pregnacy
4. Quality of education
5. Health e.g Parents with mental health or or issues that impair parenting effectiveness
6 .Educational status of parents
7. "PARENTING" is another factor on this list and can be defined in a variety of formats as caregiving which may be given effectively by persons who are not necessarily blood relatives or by a range of arrangements across cultures around the world and traditionally for Africans has been communal in contrast to the European model of monogamous nuclear family units.

Many of our middle class married families have their children raised effectively by schools and housegirls.

victorian:
Am very fine

Am in the office and work is going great here

So happy !


How are you too? And how is it going over there ?

aycorporat:
Let's learn from your experience my brother

kapelvej:
chairman, you are learning, read my story, and tell me how it feels. https://www.nairaland.com/4447411/wife-finally-moved. And this https://www.nairaland.com/4457718/update-wife-finally-moved

timilehin007:
I'm interested I will read it

Xisnin:
The topic of this post shows that you are 100% responsible for your family problems. Whenever a person blame others for a matter that is joint responsibility, I know they are the major culprit.
Since you didn't share any specific detail I believe from the onset you were trying to fight their potential influence but you lost out and now claiming victim.
If your wife's parent are not jobless, there is no way they would spend all their time trying to influence your marriage, they
have their own life to live. And if they are both jobless, it is your fault that you married from such a family.

No, a parent advising their daughter is none of your business even though you are the husband.
You don't expect your wife to cut out her parents from her life because she is now married.

The way forward is to ask yourself what you really want, maybe it is absolute control or being contented and not worrying about frivolous issues.
If it is the former you want, you need another wife, preferably one without a family who would be at your beck and call.

A couple's problem begin the day they think they are going into marriage to fight some imaginary enemies. With such mindset,
enemies will keep showing up.

kapelvej:
Please do me the favour of letting me know your thoughts on the case

timilehin007:
I replied u there. ..The same system or scope to overpower them will work for us o..cuz dey are same. .for four years she didn't do any work her mum was always on my side then..just last year that she started her mom changed from hip hop to blues cuz she supports her financially too..shame can never let me say some other things she did that I tolerate for the sake of the kids and love...I swear u situation is fair o..compared to mine

timilehin007:
How do u want it...but u people will so abuse me that I foolish I dumb I mumu. For going through all that cuz of pussy