₦airaland Forum

aycorporat:
I don't fall into category of kids who haven't tasted one quarter of life's experience but instead type on their keypad from the comfort of the room where their parents still feed them.

Oooh that's why I dont post my problem or sick advice here...I've been using this forum since 2009 I never ask for opinion here...I had faced more and worse marital problems than many that had posted theirs. ..I wouldn't do it cuz of insults and downgrading from some kids that haven't seen one corner of life enough sef

kapelvej:
Waaaat, this is exactly my story, hope you are not quoting from my story

after reading ur missive lol...I wanted to ask that are we sure she's not same girl. Probably using so super natural power to run both homes with same ideology. ..to God she is a flirt too...she doesnt know ow to tell men 'no and she doesn't hide it from me or be secretive abwt it...she says she doesn't have anything with them that shouldn't worry myself but to me she's giving this men a possible hope and I detest it...she gets angry and goes really bitter that I dont trust her...Although she once misbehaved with a guy sha...I don't want to go deep into that...

timilehin007:
Oooh that's why I dont post my problem or sick advice here...I've been using this forum since 2009 I never ask for opinion here...I had faced more and worse marital problems than many that had posted theirs. ..I wouldn't do it cuz of insults and downgrading from some kids that haven't seen one corner of life enough sef

hahahahahaha it is well. Since it is a faceless forum, let the insults follow. Just follow the Yoruba Maxim that says "Ipako o gbo suti"

Pusyiter:
Great and doing fine too

That's Good

Just got home nw...sighs thank God.

Have u seen my reply?

3free2:
Looking back, I think I have been worst than an introvert. Iwas so eager to impress my stupid in-laws.
I've given up so much for the sake of the happy home of my dreams. I'm too ashamed to narrate the whole story.

Key word
Iwas so eager to "IMPRESS" my stupid in-laws.

Mcquine:
Bro my Father faced exact same problem which ended up in breaking our home.

But now I'm grown and I understand and can see clearly what happened I'm still fighting my Mother and her family even if it kills me I'll never stop.

The Sad part is my elder brothers whom I taught should know better are as daft as a preschool children but I don't seek their support when their eyes open it might be too late.

My advice? Stop that family in-laws syndrome before its too late.

My own Father is now on his own with no children, no wife.

We lost the support we would have had growing up because we followed our deceitful Mother thinking He was at fault.

For me they'll pay dearly for that when the time comes cos I don't forgive.

PLEASE SPEND TIME WITH YOUR DAD

Pipedreams:
Ah ah no wonder. Ur not an indomie generation wife. May God help us

Amen, thanks

3free2:
I won't be the one to initiate a separation. Somehow I feel history is repeating itself.

My parents separated when I was in ss1 that was in 1992 my dad sent my mom packing and in less than a year he married another woman and left us to fend for ourselves.

We fell from a subject of admiration and envy (for my dad was not poor) to an object of pity then mockery. I and my siblings suddenly found ourselves on the street wandering from one relative to the other begging for what will keep us alive. I'm the eldest and the youngest was just five years old then.

If you've never been there you can't ever understand. It was hell as in HELL. Till this day I still wonder how the five of us survived that dark period.

By God's grace my children will not suffer what I did when I lived like an orphan.

Suddenly, today, I work for a firm, earn a salary, my kids attend good schools and people are like, your family is cute. My children are living in the same world I did before my parents separated.

Here lies my problem, the thought of my past repeating itself in the lives of my children scares me silly.

It seems my wife and her family has noticed my determination to keep my home intact for the sake of my children. They think I will continue to endure no matter what. A big surprise is coming their way.

Sorry to tell you
Your father was evil
Ur Father disown his owe kids
Fail to support you. The relationship between your mother and father hasn't to do with supporting
his kids
Reason why USA have child support because of bad people like your father

timilehin007:
after reading ur missive lol...I wanted to ask that are we sure she's not same girl. Probably using so super natural power to run both homes with same ideology. ..to God she is a flirt too...she doesnt know ow to tell men 'no and she doesn't hide it from me or be secretive abwt it...she says she doesn't have anything with them that shouldn't worry myself but to me she's giving this men a possible hope and I detest it...she gets angry and goes really bitter that I dont trust her...Although she once misbehaved with a guy sha...I don't want to go deep into that...

PGA, hope you are not repeating my story. I may have to call you on phone, because now you are making me scared. Just imagine the last thing you said. This happened exactly to me the way you narrated it

kapelvej:
PGA, hope you are not repeating my story. I may have to call you on phone, because now you are making me scared. Just imagine the last thing you said. This happened exactly to me the way you narrated it

I think in dz case whatever work for u as a lasting solution will work for me too..obviously they are from same world. .anther thing is she cant do without friends. She's veeeeeeeeery stubborn gowdddddddd

You are definitely from a broken home,well probably homosexual too,so there is no point going further.in closing usually those who accuses others of bullying and love name calling are usually referring to themself .most of what you have written is actually correct,how ever you failed to state that all the Arab leaning countries you mention tend to have more family orientation and less homosexual .which still goes back to my point,why you may not get 100% the majority would suffice

aribisala0:
Were you sexually molested as a child? You assert that homosexuality is a product of sexual abuse in childhood.

Your style seems to be that of a bully by trying to make things personal. That is your territory.

The reality is you the generation that rebuilt Europe after WW II and Japan , that survived Biafra had large numbers of orphaned children . They were not defective.

According to your logic there should be no "defective" children in Zamfara State in Kano , In Saudi Arabia and Afghanistan.

The truth is that there are so many factors affecting outcome that are external or environmental and there are some that are intrinsic or personal .

It is dishonest to pretend that one factor e.g being raised by married parents is more important than other factors e.g

1. Neighbourhood ( social class of neighbours)
2. Poverty e.g
3. Proximity to crime e.g drugs,gangs, violence, sexual precocity, childhood pregnacy
4. Quality of education
5. Health e.g Parents with mental health or or issues that impair parenting effectiveness
6 .Educational status of parents
7. "PARENTING" is another factor on this list and can be defined in a variety of formats as caregiving which may be given effectively by persons who are not necessarily blood relatives or by a range of arrangements across cultures around the world and traditionally for Africans has been communal in contrast to the European model of monogamous nuclear family units.

Many of our middle class married families have their children raised effectively by schools and housegirls.

Then you are a single parent

LaudableXX:
Unfortunately for you, I am not from a single parent family, but I have friends and relatives who grew up in one, through no fault of their own. I have seen children from single parent families in church and at the workplace, enough to know that your current quest to demonize single-parent families, is not only wrong, but illogical. Did a single-parent offend you somewhere, at some point in time, that you now feel the urge to lash out at them and their children?

Your 80% assessment is not backed by any known research or scientific study in Nigeria, neither is it backed by data or fact. How many gay or lesbian people do you know personally, who were raised by single parents? The American examples you cited among the Black and Hispanic community, are flawed because you are attributing the social causes of their youngsters' deviant behaviour solely to single-parenthood, when there are so many other factors responsible for why youngsters in those communities turn out the way they do.

In my spare time, I work as a health volunteer and I have met many single parents in the course of my activities. I have met the good, bad and ugly ones. And I must say, that there are many single parents doing a good job, and I doff my hat to them. You do not know anything about social re-engineering. You are just tossing the term around in a bid to sound important, but you only succeeded in sounding illogical.

People become single parents through a variety of reasons, and rarely by choice. Some become single parents through widowhood, after losing their better half to death. Others through divorce as a result of incompatibility or abusive spouses, while some were jilted prior to the wedding, and were unable to give birth within the confines of wedlock. There are still some who ended up as single parents due to the wrong relationships they had with married people. The reasons are long and endless.

People learn to relate with the opposite sexes through a process of socialisation, which may be acquired from the home or from their environment. You are a product of not just your home, but also your environment. As long as there is a father figure in the shape of an uncle, relative or grandfather fulfilling that role, then what is your problem?

If a child grows up in a single-parent household, it is NOT the fault of that child. You are calling human beings created by God, as 'defective?' It says a lot about the prejudice, myopia and hate that colours your world view. Free your mind and seek help before it is too late. What about single fathers? Do their children grow up defective too, if they are raised by single fathers who lost their wives to sickness, death or divorce? How many single fathers do you know that have raised defective children? Please tell us.

Let me give you a little assignment. Go and read the story of Dr. Ben Carson, one of the first surgeons to separate co-joined Siamese twins in America.



Now, would it be asking too much if I say that you should kindly take yourself and your brand of ill-gotten logic out of my mentions? God bless you as you comply.

ojlifa:
Then you are a single parent

No, I am not. You made this same allegation in your previous post, and it was refuted. Now kindly do 2 things: stop flinging baseless accusations around, and please get off my mentions. Or is that too much to ask?

ojlifa:
You are definitely from a broken home,well probably homosexual too,so there is no point going further.in closing usually those who accuses others of bullying and love name calling are usually referring to themself .most of what you have written is actually correct,how ever you failed to state that all the Arab leaning countries you mention tend to have more family orientation and less homosexual .which still goes back to my point,why you may not get 100% the majority would suffice

All that bully boy nonsense may work with others but never wih me. I can read you like the badly written book that you are , a book written by a mongol.
Clearly you are an expert on homosexuality and you know which countries to find them?.

Perhaps you can show us some of your research into Arab homosexuality?

So your thesis is broken homes leadd to homosexuality. Surely then Portugal with 70% divorce should be the world gay capital.
You are another one of those dolts that eats too much eba that someone else pays for, belches, farts and then without censorship start to ejaculate your gay theories and unrivalled foolishness reserves with delusional fervor..
.
Your last sentence is gibberish. You are a raucous empty vessel

clap for yourself.i hope you read what you write,since you are so impressed with yourself,i here by award you insult chief of the year.but insult chief does actually make you intelligent .you simple sound like the dem

aribisala0:
All that bully boy nonsense may work with others but never wih me. I can read you like the badly written book that you are , a book written by a mongol.
Clearly you are an expert on homosexuality and you know which countries to find them?.

Perhaps you can show us some of your research into Arab homosexuality?

So your thesis is broken homes leadd to homosexuality. Surely then Portugal with 70% divorce should be the world gay capital.
You are another one of those dolts that eats too much eba that someone else pays for, belches, farts and then without censorship start to ejaculate your gay theories and unrivalled foolishness reserves with delusional fervor..
.
Your last sentence is gibberish. You are a raucous empty vessel

3free2:
I know similar stories has been narrated on this forum but I want the world to hear my tale of regret and sorrow.

For nine years I've struggled to eliminate family interference from my home but unfortunately I've not been able to. My father in-law and his wife call the shot and when I resist my wife promptly takes side with them claiming that I'm being disrespectful.

From the onset I pleaded with my own family to allow us chat our own path, learn from our mistakes and grow together in love. This has backfired on me because my wife did not do same with her family.

I can't consider breakup, I don't want my kids to grow in a broken home. The problem is worse presently only God can show me the way out of this mess.

Some might say I was weak from the onset, but some women can be manipulative and cunning. I am in a cage right now, I desperately need help before the worst happens.

My dear beloved, I am sorry to hear your agony, and from your statement you appear to be ignorant of the word of God and that is the reason why the devil has inflicted you with pain and sorrow in your marriage, most of us follow religion but only few follow Christianity. The answers you seek are all in the word of God. Proverbs 3:6 says; In all your ways submit to God, and he will make your paths straight. It's only God that can make your marriage workout because it is written "By strength shall no man prevail". Pls, do not see your inlaws and wife as the bad guys, the real bad guy is the invincible force manipulating them to break and destroy your happiness in marriage. Allow God to prevail in your marriage by committing your marriage into his mighty hands because the bible says in Proverbs 16:7 When a man's ways are pleasing to the LORD, He makes even his enemies to be at peace with him. Your wife and inlaws may appear to be your physical enemies in this picture of yours but God will make them to be at peace with you according to the knowledge of the word of God.

I pray and declare today that God Almighty will restore a lasting peace and unity in your matrimonial home because the bible said that "he that finds a wife findeth a good thing and obtains favour from the Lord" and that favour of peace, happiness and God's blessings associated with marriage you will find and experience from today onward in the gracious name of Jesus. Amen!

richdad555:
My dear beloved, I am sorry to hear your agony, and from your statement you appear to be ignorant of the word of God and that is the reason why the devil has inflicted you with pain and sorrow in your marriage, most of us follow religion but only few follow Christianity. The answers you seek are all in the word of God. Proverbs 3:6 says; In all your ways submit to God, and he will make your paths straight. It's only God that can make your marriage workout because it is written "By strength shall no man prevail". Pls, do not see your inlaws and wife as the bad guys, the real bad guy is the invincible force manipulating them to break and destroy your happiness in marriage. Allow God to prevail in your marriage by committing your marriage into his mighty hands because the bible says in Proverbs 16:7 When a man's ways are pleasing to the LORD, He makes even his enemies to be at peace with him. Your wife and inlaws may appear to be your physical enemies in this picture of yours but God will make them to be at peace with you according to the knowledge of the word of God.

I pray and declare today that God Almighty will restore a lasting peace and unity in your matrimonial home because the bible said that "he that finds a wife findeth a good thing and obtains favour from the Lord" and that favour of peace, happiness and God's blessings associated with marriage you will find and experience from today onward in the gracious name of Jesus. Amen!

Amen. Thanks for your words of advice and may God be with you too.

3free2:
I've been discussing with my family and they all agreed that though I've been naive, it's time to call my in-laws to order family to family.

I'm some how relieved after their show of support. I believe a solution will come after the planned meeting even if it means breaking up.

I thank you for your prompt response and I hope Nairaland last forever so people can continue to seek and get help in difficult times.

Unfortunately I didn't see this topic early enough. But reasing through the entire thread has been frightening. This is especially as I have a wonderful marriage.

How has it been? Has this meeting been held? What steps have you taken and what has been the result? I think it will help more people if they know what advice you took, what steps you took and what the result has been.

ojlifa:
clap for yourself.i hope you read what you write,since you are so impressed with yourself,i here by award you insult chief of the year.but insult chief does actually make you intelligent .you simple sound like the dem

Shut your mouth. You are an empty headed noisemaker

You are too hard on him. He is 100% right. Marriage is for the benefit of women.

Ishilove:
I have noticed your comments and posts on marital affairs on this forum. You go around advising people with marital challenges to quit their marriages because yours didn't work out. Misery loves company, so you want everyone break up their homes because your own marriage failed. Pele o, Chairman, Association of Unhappily Divorced Men. Shioor.

Guy, swerve with your bitterness. Marriages are still succeeding. If you don't have any reasonable advice to give then stop polluting threads with your cynicism and negativity. We all can't be unhappy like you, so my sincere advise to you is go away, lick your wounds, heal properly before coming back to the internet.

Perfectly perfect. Have responded
How are you doin? ;

victorian:
That's Good

Just got home nw...sighs thank God.

Have u seen my reply?

LewsTherin:
Unfortunately I didn't see this topic early enough. But reasing through the entire thread has been frightening. This is especially as I have a wonderful marriage.

How has it been? Has this meeting been held? What steps have you taken and what has been the result? I think it will help more people if they know what advice you took, what steps you took and what the result has been.

The meeting has been put on hold for now. I actually followed some advice I was given here and yesterday my wife came into my room to apologize for everything, she admitted it was all her fault and asked for forgiveness.

It seemed unreal but she called her parents right in my presence and asked them to stop interfering in our business.

Some neighbors pleaded for her, now I can only hope she has learnt her lesson.

I don't think she's a bad person it's just that she's too attached to her parents.

Thanks everyone.

GoodFaith:
Sorry to tell you
Your father was evil
Ur Father disown his owe kids
Fail to support you. The relationship between your mother and father hasn't to do with supporting
his kids
Reason why USA have child support because of bad people like your father

Despite what he did I still can not call my father a monster. As I grew my anger towards him changed to pity, he was never remorseful but he did show glimpse of regret during the last days before he died. May his soul rest in peace.

Some of the stuffs we see on our local movies are not all figments of someone's imagination.

My dad loved his wife (my mother) he loved us, I know because the memories are still fresh. I'm the eldest, I saw it all, the good the bad and the ugly. Only God knows what happened.

3free2:
The meeting has been put on hold for now. I actually followed some advice I was given here and yesterday my wife came into my room to apologize for everything, she admitted it was all her fault and asked for forgiveness.

It seemed unreal but she called her parents right in my presence and asked them to stop interfering in our business.

Some neighbors pleaded for her, now I can only hope she has learnt her lesson.

I don't think she's a bad person it's just that she's too attached to her parents.

Thanks everyone.

Ehen!! Now you are talking. I am glad to see that you got some good results, after applying some of the principles outlined here, on NL. It is also good to see that sometimes bringing your problems to NL, isn't a waste of time afterall. Your joy shall be permanent. But always remember that the price for liberty, is eternal vigilance. So keep watch, and don't let things slide out of control, like it did before. May your testimony never be reversed, in Jesus name.

3free2:
The meeting has been put on hold for now. I actually followed some advice I was given here and yesterday my wife came into my room to apologize for everything, she admitted it was all her fault and asked for forgiveness.

It seemed unreal but she called her parents right in my presence and asked them to stop interfering in our business.

Some neighbors pleaded for her, now I can only hope she has learnt her lesson.

I don't think she's a bad person it's just that she's too attached to her parents.

Thanks everyone.

Awesome. Great to hear that. The healing can begin. You guys now have to develop your own principles on life.

It would be great if you could share what steps you took. Even if not in details. Readers can learn from your situation.

3free2:
Despite what he did I still can not call my father a monster. As I grew my anger towards him changed to pity, he was never remorseful but he did show glimpse of regret during the last days before he died. May his soul rest in peace.

Some of the stuffs we see on our local movies are not all figments of someone's imagination.

My dad loved his wife (my mother) he loved us, I know because the memories are still fresh. I'm the eldest, I saw it all, the good the bad and the ugly. Only God knows what happened.

Understand
Thanks for forgiving him

3free2:
The meeting has been put on hold for now. I actually followed some advice I was given here and yesterday my wife came into my room to apologize for everything, she admitted it was all her fault and asked for forgiveness.

It seemed unreal but she called her parents right in my presence and asked them to stop interfering in our business.

Some neighbors pleaded for her, now I can only hope she has learnt her lesson.

I don't think she's a bad person it's just that she's too attached to her parents.

Thanks everyone.

Please, can you list the steps you took, it might help many people here. May God bless your union.

neonly:
I have married for d past 14 yrs with 3 boys no girl
Anytime my in-laws are around I don't give them eye they see me has a bad person but at least I get to keep my family d way I want if they misbehave I tell them straight to der eyes yes most of u will say an rude but that d way I was brought up to tolerate things dat will hurt u now or future because of love abegi
I understand yur pain but U most man up

The average man goes into marriage with warped intentions to alienate the wife from her people, meanwhile the woman is trying to be accepted by his side, to please them and what not. Look at what you're saying. I hope your wife is the type that likewise 'carries face' for your people. She will be very foolish to take your people as her own, since you have obviously drawn a battleline against hers.

Dont worry, your son and daughters in law are waiting for you in front with koboko. And dont think your wife is not seeing and resenting all you're doing. She will serve it to you at the appropriate time.

lolaluv1:
The average man goes into marriage with warped intentions to alienate the wife from her people, meanwhile the woman is trying to be accepted by his side, to please them and what not. Look at what you're saying. I hope your wife is the type that likewise 'carries face' for your people. She will be very foolish to take your people as her own, since you have obviously drawn a battleline against hers.

Dont worry, your son and daughters in law are waiting for you in front with koboko. And dont think your wife is not seeing and resenting all you're doing. She will serve it to you at the appropriate time.

It obviously u aren't married ni give them face doesn't mean I don't respect them but Der is line drawn don't poke nose in my family affairs
But I wick sha koboko ke I be tough person ooo even though am 100 yrs old I still dey box like mad

neonly:
It obviously u aren't married ni give them face doesn't mean I don't respect them but Der is line drawn don't poke nose in my family affairs
But I wick sha koboko ke I be tough person ooo even though am 100 yrs old I still dey box like mad

Ha ha ha. The truth is that a good percent of the time, it is the man's family that interferes. Any good marriage counsellor will tell you this fact. That is why some churches advocate that no family member should stay with a new couple for so, so amount of time. But it is really the man's family that they mean.

Most times, a woman's family will not want anything to tamper with the woman's union, while the man's family are looking for how to tamper with the union. But I digress...

If you carry face, then you don't respect or appreciate them. Especially if they have done nothing to you to deserve such poor treatment. Did you carry face for them when you went to them, asking for their daughter's hand?
Will you be happy if your wife 'carries face' for your parents, yet claims to respect them? Will you be happy if your son/daughters in law carry face, while claiming they respect you. Do unto others...
The answer lies with you.

lolaluv1:
Ha ha ha. The truth is that a good percent of the time, it is the man's family that interferes. Any good marriage counsellor will tell you this fact. That is why some churches advocate that no family member should stay with a new couple for so, so amount of time. But it is really the man's family that they mean.

Most times, a woman's family will not want anything to tamper with the woman's union, while the man's family are looking for how to tamper with the union. But I digress...

If you carry face, then you don't respect or appreciate them. Especially if they have done nothing to you to deserve such poor treatment. Did you carry face for them when you went to them, asking for their daughter's hand?
Will you be happy if your wife 'carries face' for your parents, yet claims to respect them? Will you be happy if your son/daughters in law carry face, while claiming they respect you. Do unto others...
The answer lies with you.

Bros I totally disagree abt d man family dat interf it d woman famy dat usually do dat am last born in a family of 5 my wife is also last born in a family of 5
My family don't interfere in our issues at all except if invited but not d same with wife family always wanting to be on top of every issues but me I knw dey come last
If Der is no crack on d wall lizard wouldn't enter I wouldn't want to talk not much on social media
Reason best known to me but pray I have a pally for in-laws then ur married go last gonoooo

clap clap

aribisala0:
Shut your mouth. You are an empty headed noisemaker