tunize:
Seriously i really want to understand something. The house in question was it a collective effort from the both of you or from you alone?. In any case i'll advice you change the name to Mr and Mrs whatever cos if you ever change it to solely his name trust me u might be shocked.

Why are we still using the word "might" in this case?

justjeff:
he is not a gentleman. I just wonder what action he will take if it's in his name. In marriage what belongs to you also belongs to him. I feel your pain but don't change the name. At most let it be joint. He will regret his actions. Just stay cool and talk less. Silence is golden

My Dear Sis/bro, U Just Adviced Her Wrongly, Am So Sorry Oo. Its Normal For The Man To Feel That His Ego Has Been Bruised On. She Needs To Make Her Self Submissive Because Of The Kids Future, Though We Didnt Hear Ur Husband Part But Here Are Ur Mistakes. 1. U Shouldnt Have Used Ur Name Without Ur Husband Consent, Its Shows U Also Have Plans Of Treatin Him Like Wife In D Future. 2. During D Heated Argument , Ur Husband May Not Really Meant U Pack Out, It May Be Masculine Authority(when He Doesnt Feel Respect Frm U Again, And Dts Woman Stunt.). You Shouldnt Ve Mentioned Who Owns D Ppty. No Responsible Man Wl Accpt Ur Plea & Continue To Sleep Under Same Roof Afta Such Statement.

7Alexander:
Reading through the comments here, I've come to the conclusion that most nairalanders are unintelligent, people who do not read, or read to criticise and not to understand.

The woman has said severally that what she bought was the land, while the house was a jointly built. Most of yall are already calling the man a thief who wants to reap where he didn't sow

And so? Is that enough reason to change the docs solely to his name? And I guess that also justify why he wanted to chase her out of the house with which the land was bought solely with her money?

OP, pls when you eventually want to change it to you both name which is the ideal thing to do, make sure it's not just Mr and Mrs XYZ. It should be Mr Romeo XYZ and Mrs Juliet XYZ.

TonyeBarcanista:

Having gone through this thread this is what I can deduce:

1. You and Your husband did business.

(You failed to say many percent much each person contributed to the business and the sharing percentage.)

2. Your husband's dad had ailment and some family issues, he used his own "share" (according to you) to take care of his family's pressing needs, which you FULLY agreed with him.

(You failed to say that your husband has been also taking Care of your family. You also failed to say how much he gave your family from his alleged share)

3. You used your own "share" to buy a property (Please you didnt clarify whether you Bought a land and your husband added his money to build it or it was an already built property)

4. You made the property in YOUR NAME without informing your husband

(Without informing him)

5. On a heated argument he asked you to leave (which he might not have meant) only for you to tell him that the house is in your name not his.

Meanwhile, he's the one working hard to taking care of the family.

6. You expect him to be happy?


My Dear, if I wear your husband I'll move out of the house and rent a smaller apartment without even asking you to change the name to mine. Keep the house to yourself.


NB: I am 600% certain that his own version will be different

Your submission is excellent. More so as you perfectly captured the exact picture even from her lopsided submission alone.

However, I got to number 5 and I felt the need to draw our attention to something that has destroyed relationships than any other factors.

What is that thing? CHOICE OF WORDS IN ANGER.

I believe that most people don't understand that negative words stay as long as a person to whom it is directed is alive. After moments of anger, people feel the words uttered more than the actions and it keeps ringing.

You believed that the man might not have meant it when he told the wife to pack out. Now this statement has kept the woman alert and curiously suspicious-----who wouldn't be.

Again, it's the height of irresponsibility and ignorance for a spouse to ask another to leave the house they jointly own by virtue of being married.

We must learn to be mindful of what we say when angry. Nothing destroys relationships more than hurtful words.

No 3 . We Didnt Knw Wht U Did To Him Or Wht Started The Arguement Initially, So Check Ur Self. May Be U Are Rude To Him, Because For U Guys Not To Fight Whn U Did Business Together, Till U Built D House Finish, He Didnt Ask Of D Documents And Still Pack In With U. Save Ur Kids By Checking Urself. I Pray God Should Touch His Heart For U.

Saintmary:

The husband built his own house in the name of his parents, how does that spell trust for the wife, are you saying one sided trust can sustain a marriage?

can't you read.. where was it stated that the man built a house rather invested it on his father's health..

You should have used both names on the property. Sly move, very sly!

Saintmary:

They are manipulating you!!! Don't fall for it. They would sit by and watch you gamble with the future of your children so they can be happy. They sat by and watched their son chase you out of your own house. The ball is in your court, think of your children first!!!

madam the husband never chased her out, he just said that in the heat of an argument
..

histemple:


Your submission is excellent. More so as you perfectly captured the exact picture even from her lopsided submission alone.

However, I got to number 5 and I felt the need to draw our attention to something that has destroyed relationships than any other factors.

What is that thing? CHOICE OF WORDS IN ANGER.

I believe that most people don't understand that negative words stay as long as a person to whom it is directed is alive. After moments of anger, people feel the words uttered more than the actions and it keeps ringing.

You believed that the man might not have meant it when he told the wife to pack out. Now this statement has kept the woman alert and curiously suspicious-----who wouldn't be.

Again, it's the height of irresponsibility and ignorance for a spouse to ask another to leave the house they jointly own by virtue of being married.

We must learn to be mindful of what we say when angry. Nothing destroys relationships more than hurtful words.

My brother, I am sure the husband is not a mad man to wake up one Morning to utter that statement (asking her to leave the house). Something must have transpired! The OP FAILED to tell us the things she said to him before it got to that stage.

Now, sometimes when people are angry they utter words they don't mean. I agree though that we are duty bound to watch our words at the height of anger.

My brother, no good wife will act the way the OP did.

If I was the husband I will leave the house to rent or build another. I will not bother whether she changes the name or not

op i suppose you are a christian from your moniker and i believe you still love your man but trust and sincererity is very important in any given relationship which is what is missing in your home, find time and pray over the issue. 2. change the property name to that of your children to avoid the story that touches because if you leave it in your name and peradventure your children are still young and the unfortunate or the inevitable happens God forbid you give room for some vultures in form of relatives especially from your side since they know the property belongs to their sister to start acting funny. 3. get a good lawyer and put the property in trust pending when they come of age that is if they are not adults yet.

Saintmary:

The husband built his own house in the name of his parents, how does that spell trust for the wife, are you saying one sided trust can sustain a marriage?

Do you know this family personally or where did you get this information that is never on the post?

You read one thing and propagate what you imagined in your mind.

You are just impossible.

2buffagain:


No sensible person will kick his KIDS out of his so called house because he wants to punish his wife.
You tolerate too much.

The way you are doing it's like your conscience is cutting you. Are those his kids?

are you intelligent at all.. he said that during an argument So the man never kicked out the woman from the house...

Medunah:

And so? Is that enough reason to change the docs solely to his name? And I guess that also justify why he wanted to chase her out of the house with which the land was bought solely with her money?

OP, pls when you eventually want to change it to you both name which is the ideal thing to do, make sure it's not just Mr and Mrs XYZ. It should be Mr Romeo XYZ and Mrs Juliet XYZ.

Honestly, Am Very Sorry For This, I Dont Think U Have Happy Married Home Or U Havent Seen Any Suitor. Coz This Ur Advice Is Solely For Irresponsible Married Woman.
What If Her Husband Planned To Squandered Her Profit From D Business They Did Through False Pretence Or Scamming, Would She Be Claiming A Land In Her Name. From What She Said , D Husband Is Loyal To Her , Coz I Knw Some Men , They Wl Rather Use Her Profit To Buy Liability Goods Like Cars,

I have noticed a dangerous trend in the social media, particularly amongst Nigerian women

The moment a woman shares her marital challenges, you will find fellow women either encouraging her to leave the marriage or offering advice that is intended to finally collapse the union if implemented.

The fact is majority of these women are embittered divorcees or circumstantial baby mamas. They just hate ALL men perhaps because of their bad experiences.

If you make a post on how you are enjoying your marriage, they will never comment.

Wives please be wise. No marriage is without challenges, the difference is how you handle them. A wise woman buildeth her home.

dingbang:
How did you manage to put your name as the owner or the house without letting him know? You are a snitch

Do you know the meaning of a snitch? Rat? You called her a snitch because she built a house in her name. Lol!

histemple:


Do you know this family personally or where did you get this information that is never on the post?

You read one thing and propagate what you imagined in your mind.

You are just impossible.

Upon re-reading the original post, I observed that the husband's share was used for his parents, not specifically to build a house as I supposed. I am not impossible.

HEseesall:



He doesnt want that, i suggested it he said no, he has to be in charge fully not jointly

Madam I feel for you oooo though I'm yet to be married but, my only advice for you is
1. Let your family be aware of the situation
2. Let no body confused you in changing the name on the documents whatsoever even not to Mr & Mrs
3. I don't pray you divorce but if that is your option, you have to take it. I can smell infidelity
4. If possible take a break, leave the town for some moments

Eketem:
I am confused as to why you are begging him.

You both got paid from a business
He used his own share for his parents, you used your own to build a house now he got angry and decided to kick you out of your own house, you told him it wasn't possible.

He gets angry and moves out
Let him stay out, he is a wicked man that would have been happy to see you out on the streets with your kids begging him up and down.

I don't understand why you are now begging him.

I don't know why Nigerian women are so desperate to keep wicked men

That is eeh.. I was confused myself. He should be begging you nah.. is it his money or his house? Ah god! Atire o

Olabestonic001:


Did you read her addendum? She has perfectly used a woman's script for you and you bought it.

I have a feeling that the man didn't 'share' money with her as she's painting it. She said the man used it to treat his father (her father-in-law) of terminal illness and she agreed and most likely supported such. I even imagined her calling often to see that the man is in good health. I envisaged the man being so happy that his wife is like-other-one. How great to find out she's bought a land for the family with what remained? The man must be so happy he had find a 'reliable' wife!

But, she was obviously scheming to protect her own interest (and we can't fault her for that). I only imagined that the hubby never saw that at all! She probably CAN NEVER SAY she singlehandedly built that house. That man could have 'sunk' hundreds of thousands on 'their' property. But now, she showed the card! The man has trusted and toiled in vain.

Listen men, if a woman ever becomes worry of a man, it's because he's serving a purpose. This man still has a lot of purpose to serve and that why this woman still want this marriage. However, that man needs to search for wisdom. Who's lying to him that the next woman isn't worst off? He does not need a new woman but just managing this one properly. He needs to help her unwind her desire to be selfish and that can only be done by him being selfless. I'll be happy to rapport with him.

I Just read her addendum now, I like post duly completed and shared once so as to make informed decision, but knowing what the man used his for, Means it wasn't for selfish interest and the woman needs to understand too from the position of the man and been the first son, responsibilities lie on him majorly To Help his dying father and complete their home. It's no doubt that the man must have invested heavily to see the completion of their new home became a success even probably beyond the woman's input which could have warranted him feeling like he needed have his name alone on the documents as the owner, but that the woman birthed the idea for the family, she should not be relegated, it takes nothing in a place where there's love for couples to share joint account, joint companies, joint ownership of properties as it gives both parties better sense of belonging and intimacy. No one knows the major misunderstanding that could have warranted him asking the wife to leave, I know our women can go overboard sometimes, but the man should never have asked her to leave, Infact, he got more angered realizing his name isn't on the document as the owner which I feel, he felt cheated considering his immense input.Funny enough, I didn't blame the woman for that, she knew her hubby and what he could be capable of, he could be a hot tempered man, considering the decision asking the woman to leave, imagine the woman had the man's name as the owner, how do u want her and the kids to fair now having been ejected? I won't blame the woman, she saw the end from the beginning, it might be wrong but the end justifies the mean. The man need to soft pedal and realize he's on a self destruct mission, he needs to think of his kids. If your wife is loyal, respects you, doesn't maltreat you or disregard you, at this point, he should not disagree to having joint names but I feel that huge misunderstanding the woman is not telling us must have really bruised him alot. Fear these our women when they speak, they sometimes do that with both sides of their mouth.

Saintmary:







Upon re-reading the original post, I observed that the husband's share was used for his parents, not specifically to build a house as I supposed. I am not impossible.

Honestly, I am touched by your extremely mature response. Keep this attitude, it will take you places.

HEseesall:


I used my part of the money which is not wrong, i expected him to know that

You are wise for doing that. However if you had known, you would have built a house for your own parents too and both of you live in a rented apartment, so that if he sends you parking, you go cool off in your parents house and when he cools down, you go with elders and beg him. But that mistake has been made.
It will be hard for you to have both the house in your name and your husband. It's unfortunate but you will have to choose one except God does a miracle for you. But if he agrees to come back, he will never trust you again. So either way, it's not a win-win situation for you. Such is life, you learn from your mistakes. He is a selfish man. It is well with you.

HEseesall:



You dont understand, we have kids, i am working but i cant do everything on my own, how will i tell them we are no more together because of property

Oya nah get ready to tell them that their father sent you guys away.. legodi akuko.. hire somebody nah if you have the money..

oloyede252:


madam the husband never chased her out, he just said that in the heat of an argument
..

Okay, we'll wait till he sends her packing before safeguarding the lives and future of her kids

HEseesall:


I used my part of the money which is not wrong, i expected him to know that

/
God created the middle fingers for some reasons.

One of those reasons comes handy at this time.

Use it.

This is his problem not yours. He tried to play a game with you and you beat him at his game. No remorse. He can move to Bermuda triangle if he wants. Protect the future of your kids. Wouldn't you and your kids have been homeless now if he had his way?
/

HEseesall:



When he told me he wants to use his share for his parents, we agreed my share would be used for get a property then we start to build from there and that's what i did, i expected he knows i would use my name cos i keep the documents, now he is saying he wants his own name only not jointly, who says that pls, at least i compromised for jointly,

So greedy..

dingbang:
How did you manage to put your name as the owner or the house without letting him know? You are a snitch

A snitch is one who tells on others. So saying she is a snitch is not an appropriate term. I would rather say she is SMART, otherwise, her husband would have kicked her out of the house if her name was not listed as the owner of the house. Try and work on saving your marriage, but dont cave into his threats at all, neither should you give up ownership of your house.

Marriage is too difficult to survive in jor. Too many technicalites

oloyede252:

can't you read.. where was it stated that the man built a house rather invested it on his father's health..

If you are half as smart as you make yourself out to be, you'll know spending money on treatment is not an investment, even if it's a sentimental expense. About the building, I've corrected myself.

TonyeBarcanista:

My brother, I am sure the husband is not a mad man to wake up one Morning to utter that statement (asking her to leave the house). Something must have transpired! The OP FAILED to tell us the things she said to him before it got to that stage.

Now, sometimes when people are angry they utter words they don't mean. I agree though that we are duty bound to watch our words at the height of anger.

My brother, no good wife will act the way the OP did.

If I was the husband I will leave the house to rent or build another. I will not bother whether she changes the name or not

I agree with you on the woman NOT being exactly what a man should pray to have.

She even captioned this post "my husband's PRIDE is destroying our home" and she sees nothing wrong in either her actions or at such derogatory remarks. It tells a lot about her character at home.

HEseesall:
I had to open this account for anonymity
I'm in a dilemma, let me start like this, when i and my husband first got married we did a joint business that fetched us a huge amount of money, the aim was to build a house, when we got the money, he decided to use his' for his parents (i had no problem with that) then mine for what we wanted to use it for

Two weeks ago we had a major misunderstanding, it was soo intense to the extent that he told me to park out of the house, in the heat of things i told him that cannot be possible that the house is in my name, he was shocked, saying it is impossible we built it together that it's in his name, i had to remind him what happened then, he was furious saying it was wrong of me to use my name, that he cant believe he has been staying in a house that does not belong to him, he told his family what i did claming victim, then he packed out saying he wont come home till i change the name to his full name, i begged him to no avail, i dont even know how to tell my people, imagine if it was in his name, i and the kids would have been out of the house by now, he has requested for transfer from his office to another state cos of this, who does that?? He cant expect me to change it to his name.

Pls i need other advise to go about this, he is a good man but he feels his ego has been bruised, i need other options.


MODIFIED For those viewing this, i have made some clarifications down to page (1),

if you change it .then you are a fool.He has already decided in his heart to let go off you.

I see people advising you to get a divorce because of this issue. There are lots of kids in this Nairaland who are bound to give misleading advice cos of their naivety. From all indications, I can tell you are a good woman. Take this issue to someone he respects and let the person settle it for both of you. But I believe in the Mr and Mrs ownership. You guys are a couple and therefore should have oneness.

divinelove:




My submissions are based on eternal truths as enshrined in the holy Bible which is the factory manual for Godly marriage

That's when you read your Bible with one eye closed