So many things you are not telling us. You are painting it as if your hubby refused to make input in the building.
To me, i will fault you in the beginning, you betrayed his trust. You both had an agreement because his dad was seriously sick and needed to be flown outside the country for treatment. So he used part of the money for treatment and you used yours to purchase the land. On a normal day, since you both agreed on what to do with the money, you should have purchased the land using your name and your husband's name. And to prove that your husband is a good man, all through the years he never for once asked for documents or asked you whose name is on the document. You can imagine the level of trust he had in you.
You bought the land and he did contributed financially and physically to the erection and finishing of that building and still didn't ask you for the document until the night when he, like every other Nigerian husband threaten their wife just to show "I am in charge " and you surprised him with "this is my house"
Your marriage is crucial, your husband is a good man and you have confirmed that already. He has pride and I don't see how you two can live peacefully again with this grave damage. I don't think he can ever trust you wholeheartedly without suspecting you. That's why communication is always important. If you had told him right from the beginning " honey, since it's my money, I will buy the land in my name or our name " , you would have known his reaction or stance.
The only solution is strictly business, change the owner to the the kids and if he doesn't want that, you people have to sit and calculate percentage contribution from you n him, then tell him to settle you and you transfer the document to him in his own name or you move on with the mindset that you can't have him back.

PLS DON'T CHANGE THE DOCUMENTS, NO MATTER WHAT. RE - REGISTER THE HOUSE DOCUMENTS WITH THE COURT AND DEPOSIT THEM WITH THE BANK FOR SAFE KEEP. DON'T FALL FOR HIS CHEAP BLACKMAIL. ANY ATTEMPT YOU WILL BE ON THE STREET WITH YOUR CHILDREN. HE HAS NO REGARDS FOR HIS CHILDREN AND FAMILY TO HAVE ASKED YOU TO PACK - OUT. GIVE HIM SPACE OF TIME, LET TIME DECIDE. LASTLY, LET YOUR FAMILY KNOW AND MAKE FORMAL COMPLAINANT WITH THE AUTHORITY SHOULD HE SEEK TRANSFER OUT OF STATE FOR YOUR SAFETY. OR RENT OUT THE HOUSE LET HIM PAY RENT FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR FAMILY BUT NOT TO TRANSFER DOCUMENT.

HEseesall:
I had to open this account for anonymity
I'm in a dilemma, let me start like this, when i and my husband first got married we did a joint business that fetched us a huge amount of money, the aim was to build a house, when we got the money, he decided to use his' for his parents (i had no problem with that) then mine for what we wanted to use it for

Two weeks ago we had a major misunderstanding, it was soo intense to the extent that he told me to park out of the house, in the heat of things i told him that cannot be possible that the house is in my name, he was shocked, saying it is impossible we built it together that it's in his name, i had to remind him what happened then, he was furious saying it was wrong of me to use my name, that he cant believe he has been staying in a house that does not belong to him, he told his family what i did claming victim, then he packed out saying he wont come home till i change the name to his full name, i begged him to no avail, i dont even know how to tell my people, imagine if it was in his name, i and the kids would have been out of the house by now, he has requested for transfer from his office to another state cos of this, who does that?? He cant expect me to change it to his name.

Pls i need other advise to go about this, he is a good man but he feels his ego has been bruised, i need other options.


MODIFIED For those viewing this, i have made some clarifications down to page (1),

this is why it's good to marry a wise woman, let him go he will come around and if he doesn't even for the kids then he is not suffering from egoism it's African mumuism. Weldome

johhnnie:
Madam, I may disappoint you and a host of others on this group. The mistake is largely yours.

Most people here would not have the patience to read through what you wrote. They will only glance through. Their grasp of your narration may then be limited. But that's ok.

Good, you did business together and made a good profit.

In your own words, the father was sick and had to be flown abroad. He asked for your permission and you both decided that he used his own portion for your father in-law's treatment abroad. ( This is expected of a good child and more so, the first son of the family; the African way which we cannot shy away from). If table were to be turned, I believe the two of you would have agreed to do the same thing to your dad.

You both built a house, though, with the substantial portion of the fund coming from your side of the profit from the business eailier mentioned. By your assertion, it means he also partly funded the building project. Though on a relatively low scale compared to yours.

The situation, I think now is this: Am sorry if I use strong words here; you betrayed a trust and that was why your hubby was angry. And I believe that while the period lasted , it was probable that you sought advice from someone outside your nuclear family. Your husband trusted you to the point of not checking the building documents from start to finish. How you were able to achieve this beats my imagination.

You plotted this all along and someone somewhere acted as an accomplice to you. You betrayed a trusting husband. In your own words, you described your husband as a good man.

The real issue I see that you have presently, is not the idea of him leaving the house. It is the idea of the children's welfare. If I may ask you, how do you share the financial responsibilities of all upkeeps of your nuclear family?

My dear, somebody advised you wrongly or you did not think it through properly before embarking on that act of betrayal.

I will tell you the truth;. you already set your marriage up for divorce by that act of betrayal. If your Pastor or any other person tells you other wise, they will only be deceiving you.

I know that there are lots of theoretical marriage counselore here, however, be wise get your good husband back. Dont let them make you to push your husband away.

Find a way to placate him. He believed in your judgement that you would do what was right for the two of you. That was why he did not telegiude you while the building project was on.

If you handle this right, your family will be stronger for it. However, if you take the advice of some of is here that you should take him to the cleaners; my dear, you may end up losing that house, your kids and a host of other things that may be meaningful to you. Not that he will drag the house. You will realise better, when he stays like two months away from home that the God given role of a man in the family is not an easy one.

I see you as a family oriented woman. My line may not go down well with those that are not.

Peace and please, get your home back.. Your kids need it more than you two!

Well said

The problem is mostly african born and raised we mix both traditional/cutural laws and constituation laws that end upnmessing up a simple issue

Men use traditional laws to there advantages and women use constituation ones to get even

From the onset everything was wrong u started a business together as couple (married), but u went to divide the profits as if u were just two partners of a business but you were also husband and wife. The profits was meant to be a family profit not to be broken into two.

Traditionaly men were the ones mainly going out to work therefore properties were bought in the husband name etc and thats what he also believes but constituational law (in the event of a divorce) gives a share to a housewife even if she didnt contribute financially, she was the caretaker

So in this case we have someone who want to use tradition to have the name on the house papers, and we have a couple who at one side are married people and the other side they act as strictly business partners

My believe is when a couple start a business venture you are starting an empire for family i.e wife, husband and kids period !!! Not having individual goal between hubby and wife, you should have clear goals on running the business and what to use profit for

Also other common phrase i have heard or seen here from nigerians “ i opened a business for my wife or whatever” You dont open business for wife but you open business as couple but it would be run by wife. What am trying to say is if you are married run business as a couple, know the books of the business etc though one would actaully running it in this case a wife. That way there is such thing as my money his money her money its family money
Remember the outmate goal to start a business is to rich yourself, if married its to rich your family, hubby, wife and kids

Family assets would be in family name, one common thing in our african tradition wealth is very rare passed on to kids, by tradition uncles usually take over assets etc they dissappear like water in desert, usually there are gready that nothing is looked after and handover to the orphans. Lets protect our hard earn wealth from gready uncles and brothers, put assets and money in family trust than letting tradition laws eat away what our kids should get from years of working or building your own small empire

dingbang:
How did you manage to put your name as the owner or the house without letting him know? You are a snitch

this is one of the most stupid comment I ever saw on nl. What the hell is "snitch" ? Then use words they don't know

Your husband is calous and wicked. Imagine the house is in his name you would have been at the receiving end.
Beg him as much as you can . If he insists move on with your life and your children. One day he will come back and realise his foolishness.
However if you want to change the name make sure your Name appears on the property as Mr and Mrs Yetunde John .
Your husband is a very selfish man. It's not pride it's is selfishness and greed.

HEseesall:
I had to open this account for anonymity
I'm in a dilemma, let me start like this, when i and my husband first got married we did a joint business that fetched us a huge amount of money, the aim was to build a house, when we got the money, he decided to use his' for his parents (i had no problem with that) then mine for what we wanted to use it for

Two weeks ago we had a major misunderstanding, it was soo intense to the extent that he told me to park out of the house, in the heat of things i told him that cannot be possible that the house is in my name, he was shocked, saying it is impossible we built it together that it's in his name, i had to remind him what happened then, he was furious saying it was wrong of me to use my name, that he cant believe he has been staying in a house that does not belong to him, he told his family what i did claming victim, then he packed out saying he wont come home till i change the name to his full name, i begged him to no avail, i dont even know how to tell my people, imagine if it was in his name, i and the kids would have been out of the house by now, he has requested for transfer from his office to another state cos of this, who does that?? He cant expect me to change it to his name.

Pls i need other advise to go about this, he is a good man but he feels his ego has been bruised, i need other options.


MODIFIED For those viewing this, i have made some clarifications down to page (1),

Pls change it to Mr (his name) and Mrs (your name) and joint last name cos anybody can be Mrs***
May God keep your home

Men should be careful about the type of women the get married to..her friends of her mother must have told her to do this

The man will always be the head of the house. Now they built this house together why should her name be in the documents?

If she wants her husband back and wants peace to rain she should change her name and replace it with her husbands name

JAMESOJAY:
Men should be careful about the type of women the get married to..her friends of her mother must have told her to do this

The man will always be the head of the house. Now they built this house together why should her name be in the documents?

If she wants her husband back and wants peace to rain she should change her name and replace it with her husbands name

Husband thought his wife was loyal.
wife was building her own thing while husband was supervising the project like a fool.

If she had used her children's names, it would still serve as security for her and her husband would not be that angry.

And to make it worse, she told him as a sort of insult.


The woman no wise at all.

histemple:


The only reason I won't be blaming you is simply because----you chose to and are reacting based entirely on what she submitted.

Having handled numerous family law cases, I can see the flaws in her submission and it's not difficult when you listen more to what she is not saying than what she chose to say. With due respect to her, she hasn't told us exactly what transpired.

However, let me draw your attention to likely possibilities which may also be close to her husband's version----supposing we get that.

1. The business was done with both of them contributing money together not as partners (two different people coming together for the purposes of a business venture) but as a family unit with a specific target----building a house. So, the total money realized belongs to the family as husband and wife. Nobody therefore has a separate share.

2. What this woman is referring to 'his own share for his family' was money both of them agreed to spend the way it was spent. I am sure you noticed when she said ""I had no problems with that". So it was expended on mutual consent. They made "so much" money than expected such that they could build the house and attend to other needs. The money was never shared in reality.

3. This man believed all along as "they" (you must gave observed also when she said they built the house together) were building the house that the document was probably in his name as the man of the family.

4. This woman knew she was wrong to have used only her name for a family property and so, she shielded the document away from the man. There is a huge possibility that she was more available than her husband to supervise the project and she used the advantage to manipulate the process.

I understand the man's anger sufficiently and I can tell you that this man has trusted his family all along until he realized this shocking development.

The man is feeling betrayed and I can tell you that this family CAN'T be the same again.

The foregoing notwithstanding, my advice to this woman is to NEVER change the document to ONLY the man's name. In fact that is even wrong in the first place. The property belongs to both of them (the family) as long as it was built during the period the are legally husband and wife, irrespective of who brought the money.

Lastly, it's a painful fact that this marriage has ended. They may or may not go the way of divorce but truly there is no marriage between them aside the marriage certificate.

They are already divorced and are only still together solely because of their children. Notice when the woman said "we have kids together".

Although I am making my submission based on her story and my observations as I haven't heard from the man for a balanced view. But if this man truly told her to "pack out of HIS house" then he is absolutely irresponsible and dangerously ignorant, no matter the provocation. The house (in a marriage) belongs to both of them equally.

So, this woman should begin to prepare herself to be able to live without the man because that is an inevitable reality-----sooner or later but definitely.

You are so right!

That house can never be the same again!

It will only take the grace of God. What I see here is a trusting man that felt betrayed.

It would be worse if he had been told earlier to watch his back but refused to listen.

I beg you dont make the mistake of changing it to his name. its a trap. Speaking from experience

HEseesall:


I used my part of the money which is not wrong, i expected him to know that

Are u here husband

HEseesall:



You dont understand, we have kids, i am working but i cant do everything on my own, how will i tell them we are no more together because of property

See here my friend since ur mumu button no get part two .Biko change the house to his name make we hear word. Don't come and disturb us here abeg. Make people wey never marry find partner with better article

HEseesall:



He doesnt want that, i suggested it he said no, he has to be in charge fully not jointly

Don't give in to his demand. He can't have his cake and have it. Tell your people about everything (I mean no holds barred). Only God knows what he's planning right now. God forbid him trying to assasinate you cos to me he's callous.

Focus on yourself and your kids for now. Make yourself happy and watch him eat his heart out. Our custom does not favour women but be smart not desperate to have him back. God is in your corner

You should be grateful to God the house is in your name, so he spent his money for his parents, and used your money to build the house,just imagine if the house was in his name? He would have thrown you out.... ma'am if he wants to go let him go, good riddance! Please do not change the name, every woman needs her security or else some sorry excuse of a man would matreat her.

you guys are missing the part she mentioned her husband also contributed in building the house, all these he didn't ask her whose name is on the documents until she revealed it, the Op knows what she did to drive her husband to the point of anger.

No man with Good motives will kick his wife n kids out of a house they call home or ask his wife to change the ownership of a house to his name. You must fight for the interest of your kids first. Your husband has proved to you what he is capable of. You and your kids would end up in the street if you make one final mistake for selfish gains. Marriage is seldom doomed to fail. Do not ruin the lives of your kids. Secure that roof for their future.
Let the man go if he wants to go. Hold on strong, dear sister.
submission does not reflect on properties. As a matter of fact, many spouses who genuinely love each other sign prenups.
The door is open if he wants to live with the family. He is probably tired of you. This is a huge sign for you. And check his moves, he may even assassinate you. Ensure that all the documents of the house are far from his reach. If he makes any mysterious move, make it open. Do not be anonymous. Get the police involved for your own safety. He is telling his own family, tell yours too. Some of your family members might see things from a shallow perspective all for the sake of their tradition and selfish protection of family name. Talk to modern experts, not old traditionalists. Marriage no be do or die, many women are doing fine being single or divorced.
Avoid pastors and prayer warriors, cos' they will only push you to the man. Be strong and do not show your soft side for the sake of your kids. It is still his home if he sincerely needs his family.

HEseesall:
I had to open this account for anonymity
I'm in a dilemma, let me start like this, when i and my husband first got married we did a joint business that fetched us a huge amount of money, the aim was to build a house, when we got the money, he decided to use his' for his parents (i had no problem with that) then mine for what we wanted to use it for

Two weeks ago we had a major misunderstanding, it was soo intense to the extent that he told me to park out of the house, in the heat of things i told him that cannot be possible that the house is in my name, he was shocked, saying it is impossible we built it together that it's in his name, i had to remind him what happened then, he was furious saying it was wrong of me to use my name, that he cant believe he has been staying in a house that does not belong to him, he told his family what i did claming victim, then he packed out saying he wont come home till i change the name to his full name, i begged him to no avail, i dont even know how to tell my people, imagine if it was in his name, i and the kids would have been out of the house by now, he has requested for transfer from his office to another state cos of this, who does that?? He cant expect me to change it to his name.

Pls i need other advise to go about this, he is a good man but he feels his ego has been bruised, i need other options.


MODIFIED For those viewing this, i have made some clarifications down to page (1),

sholatech:
Change it to Mr & Mrs ABC. It is allowed. That way, it is now for both of you.

Mr and Mrs should be well spelt out because another Mrs could surface tomorrow from the nes state he's seeking transfer to or from anywhere. I propose this as an example: MR DAVID JESSE AND MRS ABIGAIL JESSE. My one cent

I am not understanding, what could be wrong with his own parents that he will use an amount equivalent to owning a property on them?
I think you should tell us that OK, because his parents are also yours. For them to consume such amount of funds, it shows they are in a critical conditions that requires high medical attention.
If the above assertion is true, then he did well by saving the parents first, it would be selfish of you to solely acquirethe house on ur name.

Of you do that, I doubt if he will ever show any support of any kind if your own parents which are also his should be in similar situation.

For a successful family to continue be in peace, they should always have joint ownership all properties acquired by both .

To me, I feel u are not being entirely honest or truthful here, he might be upset not because the house is on ur name but rather because you know how critical the situation was with his parents before he had to use the entire fund on them, then u went ahead to acquire it solely on ur own.

Last last, look for a counselor to talk sense into him, forget family members, contact the likes of Bar Emeka Ugwuonye of the due process advocate. He for sure will talk sense into him, if he still refuse, then divorce is inevitable.

HEseesall:



He doesnt want that, i suggested it he said no, he has to be in charge fully not jointly

He is a bad man
DONT CHANGE IT.
If you do, you will regret it

HEseesall:
I had to open this account for anonymity
I'm in a dilemma, let me start like this, when i and my husband first got married we did a joint business that fetched us a huge amount of money, the aim was to build a house, when we got the money, he decided to use his' for his parents (i had no problem with that) then mine for what we wanted to use it for

Two weeks ago we had a major misunderstanding, it was soo intense to the extent that he told me to park out of the house, in the heat of things i told him that cannot be possible that the house is in my name, he was shocked, saying it is impossible we built it together that it's in his name, i had to remind him what happened then, he was furious saying it was wrong of me to use my name, that he cant believe he has been staying in a house that does not belong to him, he told his family what i did claming victim, then he packed out saying he wont come home till i change the name to his full name, i begged him to no avail, i dont even know how to tell my people, imagine if it was in his name, i and the kids would have been out of the house by now, he has requested for transfer from his office to another state cos of this, who does that?? He cant expect me to change it to his name.

Pls i need other advise to go about this, he is a good man but he feels his ego has been bruised, i need other options.


MODIFIED For those viewing this, i have made some clarifications down to page (1),

from the onset, u don't trust your husband. I notice a trend in women nowadays, you provoke men then run to social media to say nonsense about them just for sympathy. I want all you to remember, God will judge all of us some days. Nigerians husbands take care of their home and can do anything to provide, protect and preserve his home but some of you women really needs to learn to be mother to all, learn to be women who can handle her men. my advice to you is to change the name to his name, I know you won't like this but that's the right thing to do. do you know you belong to your husband and he owned you? either you or your kids are his next of kin so still belong to all of you. he felt betrayed by your act. every man want respect and that's want made a good home. your children are learning you, don't destroy your home because of property. after all when you don't have property did he chase you out? anyone that supported you want to ruin your home and take away the joy of a father from your kids. I personally know the pains of a broken home cuz I experienced as a child and it traumatized me till date even as an adult, don't do it to your children. change the name to your husband name even let him through all of u out but I know he won't.

A lot of you guys don't understand what's happening here.




They built the house together! As in the money from the business didn't build the house, it probably purchased the land and other stuffs. The house was built by them both.


Why then did she have only her name on it?




And why did he want to kick his wife out?




I hope you guys resolve all this cos it does appear like you have a good, stable family which is very hard to find these days

dingbang:
How did you manage to put your name as the owner or the house without letting him know? You are a snitch

Easy, so you will be happy if her husband send her out of the house abi?

well since he doesn't went mr n Mrs on the document you can change the name to your children names and also take it up with a legal practitioner that under no circumstance will anybody lay claim on this property until your children are 18yrs and able to take decisions themself.... period! I wish you goodluck!!

HEseesall:
I had to open this account for anonymity
I'm in a dilemma, let me start like this, when i and my husband first got married we did a joint business that fetched us a huge amount of money, the aim was to build a house, when we got the money, he decided to use his' for his parents (i had no problem with that) then mine for what we wanted to use it for

Two weeks ago we had a major misunderstanding, it was soo intense to the extent that he told me to park out of the house, in the heat of things i told him that cannot be possible that the house is in my name, he was shocked, saying it is impossible we built it together that it's in his name, i had to remind him what happened then, he was furious saying it was wrong of me to use my name, that he cant believe he has been staying in a house that does not belong to him, he told his family what i did claming victim, then he packed out saying he wont come home till i change the name to his full name, i begged him to no avail, i dont even know how to tell my people, imagine if it was in his name, i and the kids would have been out of the house by now, he has requested for transfer from his office to another state cos of this, who does that?? He cant expect me to change it to his name.

Pls i need other advise to go about this, he is a good man but he feels his ego has been bruised, i need other options.


MODIFIED For those viewing this, i have made some clarifications down to page (1),

.... Don't think changing the name will make him happy as a matter of fact, you just shot yourself. Men will always be men. Pls let him be

HEseesall:
I had to open this account for anonymity
I'm in a dilemma, let me start like this, when i and my husband first got married we did a joint business that fetched us a huge amount of money, the aim was to build a house, when we got the money, he decided to use his' for his parents (i had no problem with that) then mine for what we wanted to use it for

Two weeks ago we had a major misunderstanding, it was soo intense to the extent that he told me to park out of the house, in the heat of things i told him that cannot be possible that the house is in my name, he was shocked, saying it is impossible we built it together that it's in his name, i had to remind him what happened then, he was furious saying it was wrong of me to use my name, that he cant believe he has been staying in a house that does not belong to him, he told his family what i did claming victim, then he packed out saying he wont come home till i change the name to his full name, i begged him to no avail, i dont even know how to tell my people, imagine if it was in his name, i and the kids would have been out of the house by now, he has requested for transfer from his office to another state cos of this, who does that?? He cant expect me to change it to his name.

Pls i need other advise to go about this, he is a good man but he feels his ego has been bruised, i need other options.


MODIFIED For those viewing this, i have made some clarifications down to page (1),

Let him go, when he's done sulking he'll return if he wants. Reeks of Immaturity on his part. Do not ever change the name on the documents else you're a gunner. He should be thanking his stars he has a responsible wife like you. I have a friend whose mum has several businesses and buildings all over Lagos in her name, his dad has never made a fuss about it. If your husband is embittered he should build another one so you all can move in there and then rent the current place out. In as much as I know you don't wanna lose your home but IMO he's just acting the male entitlement part.

Why should she change it ti his name,so in future,the guy will tell her to move,neveruote author=HRHQueenPhil post=69371645]wow, dis is serious
1. invite ur pastor or someone he highly respects and a lawyer.

2. kneel down and beg him in their midst and ask d lawyer 2 change it 2 his name.( this is if u want peace}

now, if u are scared he would turn around and throw u out l8a,
1. call a lawyer and file for a divorce
2. sell d house, invest d money and move 2 a smaller house

It is well with u[/quote]

[pls don't change it to his name,i beg you in the name of God,some are very stupid,infact remove the original and take it to another place before he gains access to ituote author=HEseesall post=69373042]


You dont understand, we have kids, i am working but i cant do everything on my own, how will i tell them we are no more together because of property[/quote]

He's a greedy man...simple

marttol:
you call Bible fairytale...??Hmmm... HUMANS... OK, Noone escapes death... You get to know sooner

Christian blackmailer. Tell that to billions of other people that adheres to other faith.

firstly, thank God you still have your �, coz I wonder what would have happened if the property is in his name.i want to presume you were at fault to what led to all these situation. my dear pls don't change the name on the property no matter what pressure or advices you get. he has been staying in your house and so what? nobody knew this until now. see it that you had his back when he couldn't use his head. 'that's marriage' if you still love him and ready to let go what led to the *heated argument. don't stop begging but don't change the name o. I repeat don't change the name.

[remove the document.uote author=HEseesall post=69373285]


When he told me he wants to use his share for his parents, we agreed my share would be used for get a property then we start to build from there and that's what i did, i expected he knows i would use my name cos i keep the documents, now he is saying he wants his own name only not jointly, who says that pls, at least i compromised for jointly, [/quote]