joa2013:
My wife and her family members are driving me crazy. Their involvement in my home is becoming embarrassing. I may have to give my wife the red card asap. Her family poke noses into all my affairs. How I spent my money, who I give my money to, who I visit, and so on. All they want is to continue to expend money on them and live my life for them. I got their daughter a job, her salary isn't enough for them, how can I be taking care of able bodied men who have refused to work with their certificates, looking for jobs with good pays before they'll work, their pensioner father is not also helping matters, very difficult to please. I have made it known to my wife that our marriage contract did not include pleasing her family members but she won't listen then I worked my transfer from Lagos to Abuja, yet they're on my neck. My wife's younger brother is presently in Abuja without any clear cut mission other than to come and monitor my affairs. He called me around 7pm yesterday to tell me he's in Utako and that I should come and pick him from pack, I told him I didn't invite him to Abuja so why should I pick him up? I asked him if he didn't have a mission before coming and why he should get to Abuja before notifying me that he's coming to my place. I shunned him and switched off my phone. I switched on the phone now only to read 3 abusive text messages from my wife and one from her father threatening that if anything happens to his son, I'll be held responsible. My people, can you see my life? My pastor have been trying to broker peace between us before I left for Abuja to no avail, what I intended to do is to settle down here and get her relocated so that if she's a bit far from her family, things will work out. I'll instruct a lawyer to file divorce papers tomorrow, I can no longer take it.

After u divorce her, and you intend 2 get married again in d near future, my brother, contact me 4 a PRENUPTIAL AGREEMENT

baldman:
Great 'advice', what if she did not see the abandonment in that light and she decides to move on making good use of the certificate that the man sponsored her to obtain? I hope you have a perfect woman that has no family arranged for the poster to marry. How can abandonment make people fall in love or reinforce love? Please make separation your very last option, the rate at which women are moving on when a man decides to move out these days will surprise you. Do not leave your marriage if you do not intend to leave for good. You will not find her where you left and if you do, you will not be meeting the woman you left, she will either be broken or hardened.

I'm judging from the man's experience, marriage is not by force, the woman family will not let them be, then their daughter should just go back to them, or you want the man to hang himself before you will understand what he's passing through! I had the a same experience, everyday her family will enter little issue, all I did was to stay far away from both family and their daughter. After six months she came begging realising what went wrong. I accepted her back, now we're living very happily ever after, assuming she decided to move on! I already moved ON! The worst experience you can have in marriage is for family interference . I pray you don't experience such. If not divorce is not an option, living with such woman is deadliest than living in boko haram camp

Thanks for putting your comment in context. It is good that you mentioned that you already moved on but your wife came back... My point is that Do not leave if your intention is not to leave for good, what if you only wanted to prove a point and your wife missed the point and moved on?There are other ways.

hope4nigeria:
I'm judging from the man's experience, marriage is not by force, the woman family will not let them be, then their daughter should just go back to them, or you want the man to hang himself before you will understand what he's passing through! I had the a same experience, everyday her family will enter little issue, all I did was to stay far away from both family and their daughter. After six months she came begging realising what went wrong. I accepted her back, now we're living very happily ever after, assuming she decided to move on! I already moved ON! The worst experience you can have in marriage is for family interference . I pray you don't experience such. If not divorce is not an option, living with such woman is deadliest than living in boko haram camp

joa2013:
My wife and her family members are driving me crazy. Their involvement in my home is becoming embarrassing. I may have to give my wife the red card asap. Her family poke noses into all my affairs. How I spent my money, who I give my money to, who I visit, and so on. All they want is to continue to expend money on them and live my life for them. I got their daughter a job, her salary isn't enough for them, how can I be taking care of able bodied men who have refused to work with their certificates, looking for jobs with good pays before they'll work, their pensioner father is not also helping matters, very difficult to please. I have made it known to my wife that our marriage contract did not include pleasing her family members but she won't listen then I worked my transfer from Lagos to Abuja, yet they're on my neck. My wife's younger brother is presently in Abuja without any clear cut mission other than to come and monitor my affairs. He called me around 7pm yesterday to tell me he's in Utako and that I should come and pick him from pack, I told him I didn't invite him to Abuja so why should I pick him up? I asked him if he didn't have a mission before coming and why he should get to Abuja before notifying me that he's coming to my place. I shunned him and switched off my phone. I switched on the phone now only to read 3 abusive text messages from my wife and one from her father threatening that if anything happens to his son, I'll be held responsible. My people, can you see my life? My pastor have been trying to broker peace between us before I left for Abuja to no avail, what I intended to do is to settle down here and get her relocated so that if she's a bit far from her family, things will work out. I'll instruct a lawyer to file divorce papers tomorrow, I can no longer take it.

Family members creating problems since forever, ur wife is a silly unwise womankind her family are wicked insensitive being.

@joa2013. Wooow this is a very sensitive matter and I'll advice you don't go into filing for Divorce with your lawyer yet.. Its all about you. You simply gave your In-laws the platform to start having an entitlement mentality on you... You're married to their Daughter and she should be Ready to make her marriage work. I totally can't tell your financial strength or weight.

Note.
1. You'll have to take a very strict Decision, make some new Rules and policy and communicate same with your wife. With regards to her family.
2. Demand your wife to choose between you or her family.
3. Try to cut down your communication with your in-law and expenses only involve in emergency situations. If need be.
4. If your wife chooses you then she most work with your Rules. If she choose the family over you then File a Divorce..

Coldfeets:
I blame you for letting it get to that stage where they think they own you.

Luckily, you can still redeem yourself.

Just man up and tell them to do their worst.

Be firm in your resolutions as from henceforth.

If they eventually see that they can't break you; they might back down or worse still, they might call for divorce so you should also start preparing for that situation too.

I don't really know how divorce thing works in Nigeria with regards to how much a man is going to lose for calling for a divorce but I hope it is not as terrible as what is obtainable in America.

Good luck.

Now to you all guys out there, listen up.

Don't ever let a woman control you in any way!!!

Learn to be firm whenever you are dealing with women... most especially when you are in a relationship.

And it is good if you start doing this at the onset.

That way, the girl can either fall in line or fall out in time!!!

Story story story. Not let a woman control you indeed. Let me be honest with you, women hold ace in monogamous marriage.

You may be proving strong man now, just wait till the children grow up. Some women can be so mean, they will totally poison the mind of their children.

The solution is pray that you marry a good woman and you treat your woman good. Your good seed will come back as a reward for you.

baldman:
Thanks for putting your comment in context. It is good that you mentioned that you already moved on but your wife came back... My point is that Do not leave if your intention is not to leave for good, what if you only wanted to prove a point and your wife missed the point and moved on?There are other ways.

my point is simple, the man need change to survive his marriage live, is either the wife have change of attitude or he change the wife. No two way about that.

I think the op gave room for this, although many marriages are like this. If it is not from the woman's side, it will be from the man's side.

What you need to do is to tread carefully. Divorce option should not even be considered. What you need is wisdom on best way to handle this.
Most of the advice on Nairaland are very toxic.

Your wife is so much attached to her people. You sound like someone not fully matured before marriage so your wife and in laws see you finish. You didn't set principles from start.

Divorce won't solve this, only wisdom can.

Rushmore:

You can choose to ignore her,do any other thing but not divorce. And never you switch off your phone to avoid calls from family, it's childish. Be an alpha male! Make a decree and stand on it! You're a lion and not a chicken!

joa2013:
My wife and her family members are driving me crazy. Their involvement in my home is becoming embarrassing. I may have to give my wife the red card asap. Her family poke noses into all my affairs. How I spent my money, who I give my money to, who I visit, and so on. All they want is to continue to expend money on them and live my life for them. I got their daughter a job, her salary isn't enough for them, how can I be taking care of able bodied men who have refused to work with their certificates, looking for jobs with good pays before they'll work, their pensioner father is not also helping matters, very difficult to please. I have made it known to my wife that our marriage contract did not include pleasing her family members but she won't listen then I worked my transfer from Lagos to Abuja, yet they're on my neck. My wife's younger brother is presently in Abuja without any clear cut mission other than to come and monitor my affairs. He called me around 7pm yesterday to tell me he's in Utako and that I should come and pick him from pack, I told him I didn't invite him to Abuja so why should I pick him up? I asked him if he didn't have a mission before coming and why he should get to Abuja before notifying me that he's coming to my place. I shunned him and switched off my phone. I switched on the phone now only to read 3 abusive text messages from my wife and one from her father threatening that if anything happens to his son, I'll be held responsible. My people, can you see my life? My pastor have been trying to broker peace between us before I left for Abuja to no avail, what I intended to do is to settle down here and get her relocated so that if she's a bit far from her family, things will work out. I'll instruct a lawyer to file divorce papers tomorrow, I can no longer take it.

Thank God sha, me I kukuma know myself.

God have mercy marriage wahala everywhere.

Emioga:
O boy na hypocrites full this thread o.To say na woman come here dey talk all this one na you all would have bashed her saying your mum is your world or your family has been their before your wife.smh.well poster no advice from me o cos I'm in the same situation and my husband they stand with his family also even beats and insults me for them.OYO

You sef see am

Hypocritical nairalanders.

Beats and insults you for them ke? That's quite bad oo.

ABAMOWA:


Bros, divorce will only compound the problem. Firstly, ensure your wife move with you to Abuja. Then, discuss with her. The distance will naturally push them away . And with your wife being educated by you, things will work out. And know that people have passed through worse situation and survived. Be a man, take it cool. Develop an antibody to their behavior. God be with you. And know that what ever becomes of any problem at the end is a result of how we handle it.

Some comments eh...

Oga, the Op's wife isn't even with him ATM in Abuja, yet the guy entered a bus from Lagos and landed in Abuja calling him to come pick him up from the park. (According to Op, just to come monitor his life).

What do you think will happen when Op relocates his wife to Abuja? Na her whole family go enter bus follow them be that.

baldman:
I had to sign in because of this comment, particularly as I noticed you said you are new in marriage.

I hope you can just read what I have to say. Your In-Laws should not be referred to in this manner. If this is who you really are, your wife, I am afraid, is married to the wrong man, she just does not know it yet.

I refer to one of your 'manly' comments: 'If tomorrow you decided to change I won't hesitate to give you a divorce' really?

'...my responsibility is to you and my kids alone' are you for real?. The truth is you may have come from a 'liberal' family ( which seems more like a family where your parents raised all of you to be independent and not feel the need to either give back to your parents or provide help when any member is in need) this may not be the case with your wife. Your wife may come from a more normal family where they do not live on allowances from their children but appreciate the occasional help and interventions. But you have made it clear to your wife that you will never be a part of such. Well, you will get as much love from your wife as you are willing to give.... you are not giving much when you are quick to threaten divorce and tell her those who brought her up to become the girl that you married will never matter in the scheme of things in your welfare provisions.

I am glad you plan to take care of your kids. I pray you have a daughter as well, can you imagine your future Son-In-Law maintaining this stance. You do not even have your Father-In-Law's number and you are proud to say that ? Besides, can I safely assume that you have only ever given him 5k because that is what is within your financial capacity or is that still a way of being an Alpha Male?

You also said "You should be happy I am marrying your daughter Naa and taking bills off ur neck.." really Bro? You really should be shaking the hands of your Son-In-Law when he comes to marry your daughter and take bills of your neck. Oga, what goes around comes around.

Your marriage is very young and you are coming in with the wrong mentality. You cannot show love to a woman while hating her family, she will not be fooled and you will not have her complete loyalty. Take charge of your home and take leadership with respect to all relationships, including your relationship with your In-Laws, agree with your wife on what should be done given the resources available and show care in other areas that may not require footing bills. Encourage your wife to work and earn a living ( if she does not have one) so that she can also be a good place to help out without losing sight of who comes first, your family first.

If you keep threatening divorce, becareful as she will over time prepare for it, and when you have done your worse, it will surprise you how well she will move on.... you will see divorce and fear.. its never easy on anyone.

Nice one

By the way I remember your moniker from a thread sometimes back, (more than a year I think) did you find what you were seeking?

godfatherx:
The fact that someone can travel from Lagos to Abuja without informing you shows how much trouble you are in. I support you o, file for divorce immediately or else your life will become miserable.

Pls, file for divorce, that's if you don't want to be miserable for the rest of your life. Hope no kids yet.
RUN! RUN!! RUN!!!

Thanks everyone for your Advice for the poster, I learnt a lots from every advice, my mother inlaw presently in my house and am looking for a way to send her out cos we don't talk gain as I told her I don't want any visitor in my house again and when they come she will exhaust my food all in the name of entertaining her visitors and I will be the buyer, some will even use 2 or 3 days

I came late and I want to give an unpopular advice : op , please be humble.

Part of the reason you're raising your shoulders like this and screaming is because you're financially better than your in-laws NOW.

Nothing is static in life. The people you're treating like they are a pest may hit it big and better than you tomorrow.

You may lose your job or your wife may be widowed and this her family you treat like nuisance will be the only ones to help.

Do I subscribe to their insolence? No.

But tread with care.
I know an in-law who was threatening fire and brimstone. He lost his job and his wife's family whom he had been ignoring were the only people in a position to help him.

Easy does it. Embrace peace. Don't spend more than you want to. But please help. You may be the beneficiary in future. Life isn't fair but it can be enjoyed

But I think you should have a change of heart, all your posts on nairaland suggests you are a womaniser(I may be wrong though) but please treat your wife and family (not inlaws o)with some respect, remember what you can not leave,will leave you one day, ask David when they offered him pretty girl at his old age,he no fit touch am, and with all these STDs around,it is well with your home

It's a pity.... similar issues is the reason why am separated from my ex wife. Over bearing in-laws. Either way, my brother you are screwed. She is a bad wife from a bad family. She will eventually leave you or she and her family will ruin or kill you. Use your senses.

Emioga:
O boy na hypocrites full this thread o.To say na woman come here dey talk all this one na you all would have bashed her saying your mum is your world or your family has been their before your wife.smh.well poster no advice from me o cos I'm in the same situation and my husband they stand with his family also even beats and insults me for them.OYO

Hmm my sister, a lot of dangerous hypocrites are on rampage here. Now that the table has turned against one unfortunate man they are advicing him to run for his life where as they will advice the women to keep swallowing the bitter pills being constantly given to them by some toxic in-laws.

joa2013:
My wife and her family members are driving me crazy. Their involvement in my home is becoming embarrassing. I may have to give my wife the red card asap. Her family poke noses into all my affairs. How I spent my money, who I give my money to, who I visit, and so on. All they want is to continue to expend money on them and live my life for them. I got their daughter a job, her salary isn't enough for them, how can I be taking care of able bodied men who have refused to work with their certificates, looking for jobs with good pays before they'll work, their pensioner father is not also helping matters, very difficult to please. I have made it known to my wife that our marriage contract did not include pleasing her family members but she won't listen then I worked my transfer from Lagos to Abuja, yet they're on my neck. My wife's younger brother is presently in Abuja without any clear cut mission other than to come and monitor my affairs. He called me around 7pm yesterday to tell me he's in Utako and that I should come and pick him from pack, I told him I didn't invite him to Abuja so why should I pick him up? I asked him if he didn't have a mission before coming and why he should get to Abuja before notifying me that he's coming to my place. I shunned him and switched off my phone. I switched on the phone now only to read 3 abusive text messages from my wife and one from her father threatening that if anything happens to his son, I'll be held responsible. My people, can you see my life? My pastor have been trying to broker peace between us before I left for Abuja to no avail, what I intended to do is to settle down here and get her relocated so that if she's a bit far from her family, things will work out. I'll instruct a lawyer to file divorce papers tomorrow, I can no longer take it.

just asking to know if you have began your divorce procedure

Sometimes I would just laugh at how sissy some men have become. The OP is not a man for allowing his in law controls his life.

I have refused to answer a 100 missed calls on my phone in the past from my fiancee's parents after breaking up with her. I tore the marriage list I collected in pieces.

A real man is a peaceful man and doesn't talk too much but when he acts, the ground trembles

joa2013:
My wife and her family members are driving me crazy. Their involvement in my home is becoming embarrassing. I may have to give my wife the red card asap. Her family poke noses into all my affairs. How I spent my money, who I give my money to, who I visit, and so on. All they want is to continue to expend money on them and live my life for them. I got their daughter a job, her salary isn't enough for them, how can I be taking care of able bodied men who have refused to work with their certificates, looking for jobs with good pays before they'll work, their pensioner father is not also helping matters, very difficult to please. I have made it known to my wife that our marriage contract did not include pleasing her family members but she won't listen then I worked my transfer from Lagos to Abuja, yet they're on my neck. My wife's younger brother is presently in Abuja without any clear cut mission other than to come and monitor my affairs. He called me around 7pm yesterday to tell me he's in Utako and that I should come and pick him from pack, I told him I didn't invite him to Abuja so why should I pick him up? I asked him if he didn't have a mission before coming and why he should get to Abuja before notifying me that he's coming to my place. I shunned him and switched off my phone. I switched on the phone now only to read 3 abusive text messages from my wife and one from her father threatening that if anything happens to his son, I'll be held responsible. My people, can you see my life? My pastor have been trying to broker peace between us before I left for Abuja to no avail, what I intended to do is to settle down here and get her relocated so that if she's a bit far from her family, things will work out. I'll instruct a lawyer to file divorce papers tomorrow, I can no longer take it.

Gtfoh. When you were getting married, did you come to Nairaland to ask nairaland?
For centuries, have you people not shoved it down wives throats to take your mothers as her own? Women have taken so much shiit from in-laws. I've even heard of the wife mandated to wash mother in laws dirty pants, kept with blood stains for over a month. Yet heaven did not fall.
So what happened to taking her father as YOUR own? Or do you think that saying is applicable to you and your family alone? Her brother came to your house unannounced, what happened to making sure he is OK first of all, before any other warning?
Are you saying none of your own family has come unannounced before? Before their sister got married to you, did you see them in your house?

You looked for a job for their daughter, is she not your wife?
If the tables were turned, won't she likewise assist you out?

Just like you have told women that they will be MILS someday, so shall you be a father in law someday. And as you lay your bed, when that day comes you shall lie on it. Because of a little money, you are all puffed up and feeling self important.
If she was the one threatening to chase away your people now, it would be family meeting upon family meeting. Odiegwu!

ttomexy:
But I think you should have a change of heart, all your posts on nairaland suggests you are a womaniser(I may be wrong though) but please treat your wife and family (not inlaws o)with some respect, remember what you can not leave,will leave you one day, ask David when they offered him pretty girl at his old age,he no fit touch am, and with all these STDs around,it is well with your home

How does being a womaniser relates to what OP posted. I find it hard to see why people can't make a reasonable point.

Mtscheww

ttomexy:
But I think you should have a change of heart, all your posts on nairaland suggests you are a womaniser(I may be wrong though) but please treat your wife and family (not inlaws o)with some respect, remember what you can not leave,will leave you one day, ask David when they offered him pretty girl at his old age,he no fit touch am, and with all these STDs around,it is well with your home

This is it. He IS a womanizer. And that is why he's cross at being monitored. If your ways are pure, you won't be here baying like a little goat. You will even be proud of being watched.

Oga go ahead and divorce the woman. You married her nad not her family. If adults cannot take care of themselves, how does it affect you. If you need a good divorce lawyer, kindly hit me up on duruc67@gmail.com

DonFreshmoney:
OP... I dey around Utako, if u need help, PM me.. or I fit visit give u better advice. Cheers

adviser

baldman:
I had to sign in because of this comment, particularly as I noticed you said you are new in marriage.

I hope you can just read what I have to say. Your In-Laws should not be referred to in this manner. If this is who you really are, your wife, I am afraid, is married to the wrong man, she just does not know it yet.

I refer to one of your 'manly' comments: 'If tomorrow you decided to change I won't hesitate to give you a divorce' really?

'...my responsibility is to you and my kids alone' are you for real?. The truth is you may have come from a 'liberal' family ( which seems more like a family where your parents raised all of you to be independent and not feel the need to either give back to your parents or provide help when any member is in need) this may not be the case with your wife. Your wife may come from a more normal family where they do not live on allowances from their children but appreciate the occasional help and interventions. But you have made it clear to your wife that you will never be a part of such. Well, you will get as much love from your wife as you are willing to give.... you are not giving much when you are quick to threaten divorce and tell her those who brought her up to become the girl that you married will never matter in the scheme of things in your welfare provisions.

I am glad you plan to take care of your kids. I pray you have a daughter as well, can you imagine your future Son-In-Law maintaining this stance. You do not even have your Father-In-Law's number and you are proud to say that ? Besides, can I safely assume that you have only ever given him 5k because that is what is within your financial capacity or is that still a way of being an Alpha Male?

You also said "You should be happy I am marrying your daughter Naa and taking bills off ur neck.." really Bro? You really should be shaking the hands of your Son-In-Law when he comes to marry your daughter and take bills of your neck. Oga, what goes around comes around.

Your marriage is very young and you are coming in with the wrong mentality. You cannot show love to a woman while hating her family, she will not be fooled and you will not have her complete loyalty. Take charge of your home and take leadership with respect to all relationships, including your relationship with your In-Laws, agree with your wife on what should be done given the resources available and show care in other areas that may not require footing bills. Encourage your wife to work and earn a living ( if she does not have one) so that she can also be a good place to help out without losing sight of who comes first, your family first.

If you keep threatening divorce, becareful as she will over time prepare for it, and when you have done your worse, it will surprise you how well she will move on.... you will see divorce and fear.. its never easy on anyone.

Heeeeeeee calm down,coming from someone who is specifically looking for a Virgin as if he is looking for a commodity..

I did not threaten my wife nor tell her i will divorce her over any filmsy issue..The person that first quoted me understands better what i meant

I said i told her before we got married that she should not change from the sweet girl she is to totally something else..I like my sanity and i dont want a woman that will start putting me through stress..In as much as i do not put her through stress of whatever kind,I see no reason why she should..

Nigerian women believe the moment they marry you,they automatically owe you..I am not a Liberal and I say things the way it is..I respect her and she does too..We both respect each other but i dont take Bull-shitttt all in the name of marriage..

I made reference to the money because these days the moment you marry,The Lady and her Family believes they owe you and you will be held liable for their bills..Capital Noo,If i want to help i would and if i dont want to i wont..

As long as i take a 100% care of their daughter and she does not suffer in any form,and i respect her as much as she does,I am a good Husband.

I guess you dont know that 99.9% of Nigerian girls prefer you to take care of only their family and not yours..They believe immediately you marry a Man.The Man should leave his Family alone and focus only on theirs..No Person can do such to me

I repeat the OP is a Mumu and that is why he has been treated this way by his wife's family..I look at what most Nigerian Men go through all in the name of Marriage and i feel pretty bad.Most Men feed more than their Nuclear Family all in the name of marriage and they run helter skelter to foot bills of people from far and near..shey you wan kill person nii?

In my Family,I am the Owner while my Wife is the CEO..QED

Goddyss:
Sometimes I would just laugh at how sissy some men have become. The OP is not a man for allowing his in law controls his life.

I have refused to answer a 100 missed calls on my phone in the past from my fiancee's parents after breaking up with her. I tore the marriage list I collected in pieces.

A real man is a peaceful man and doesn't talk too much but when he acts, the ground trembles

Ahahahahahahahahahaha..Baddo..I guess they gave you a Marriage List going into Millions?

Nigerian women read and have sense.

See the same men shouting divorce is a sin and how women must accept and tolerate in laws shouting divorce over issues that are not even one tenth of what you women complain about.

The solution to your being treated like crap is in your hands ohhhhhhh. If you continue to accept to be second class humans na choice

Eketem:
Poster you sef
You are married but keep meeting different women who are also demanding money from you, maybe that is why your wife feels she may need to finish all your money so you don't spend it on these women outside


Why is everybody trying to get money from you? Do you show off? You were even judging one of the women for drinking 3 beers meanwhile you are a married man chatting with women on social media

Let her kno ur feelings again before her family ruined you, u a man and u must act like a man,