Princedapace:



Mehn, put ur self in that man's shoe pls.. Abeg nothing hurts more than something like this..

I hate lies.. She is passing thru what he passed thru the day he heard the truth..

She should pay for her sins. Every action has effects.. If she can start business, she should quit her job. That man doesn't want anything to happen to his kids..

The thought of not having any from her anymore is killing him.

She should give him time and keep making peace.. She deceived him and it is not something that u expect him to forgive just like that.. It will take time o. Betrayal of trust from people we love hurts badly..

In 2018 somebody cannot be satisfied with three kids

Is he expecting her to produce eight children or what? Misplaced priority, that man is so childish and I hope never to end up with his likes

If your man decides to leave you or hurt you over this then he is a total piece of dump.. don’t let him make you feel little or sad.. you gave him 3 kids already.. 2 boys and a girl.. if he wants a divorce then please give it to him because he doesn’t love you.. that’s the mistake most girls make this days, before you marry a man you have to know the reason he’s marrying you.. is he marrying you because he loves you and want to spend the rest of his life with you or is he marrying you because he wants to have beautiful kids? You are more than Enough and you have blessed him with 3 kids, don’t let him take your happiness away..

alterswerve:
So you won't Google.. POF is Premature Ovarian Failure

Wow.. See.. Truthfully, under the law, if he decides to divorce cos of this issue, you know he'll win, cos his lawyer will say you deceived him into the marriage.

It's a tough one.

He's really pissed cos he's feeling that he was deceived into the marriage. He could be wondering how many other things you're keeping from him ry now.

Do what he wants if your marriage is of very high priority to you and let him know you're doing it to show him how sorry you are and for peace to reign between both of you.

Always staying with the kids doesn't guarantee that nothing bad will ever happen to them, and let him know that too.

It's a sacrifice or penance I think you should make IF YOUR MARRIAGE IS OF A HIGHER PRIORITY TO YOU THAN YOUR CAREER and his pay can take care of all y'all well.

My only scare now is that he doesn't begin to demand for more sacrifices from you. But looking at the positive side, if you submit, he may look back at this decision in the future and lift his ban on you working

Wish you the best

PS: You typed good. Big ups!

I think this is the best advice you will get up here. let him know you are quitting your job as penance for your dishonesty from the start. he is scared of loosing any child since you both can't seem to have more and remarrying isn't in his book...I think.

be careful of the advice you get here as some people are already telling you to stand your ground and know when to leave your marriage. it is all they understand "war". for the sake of your children please think right and do what is right.

Kinggnicole:
You were wrong and you apologised.
I just hope you are not considering quiting your job. He's already rubbing it in your face that you are not fertile. Imagine adding jobless to the mix. He'll rub that in too forgetting he asked you to leave.

He's already abusing you emotionally. You have to be strong dear. And by being strong you have to know when to leave.

Just imagine your own contribution. How do you expect the man to react to the news initially? He has to process all this first and get upset as a first time response which is normal. Do you expect him to just smile and pretend it's all ok after being deceived for all the time they were married? He will eventually calm down down but never bring breaking up to the picture yet. They can still work it out.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xwQsyQosYDs

Madam beg admin to remove this story because your husband probably reads Nairaland a lot.
If the most of following are true then follow my advice.
1. He earns a lot more than you like 10x your salary.
2. He finds it easy getting girls.
3. His job keeps him away from home.
4. He's a smart man (You will know he's smart)
5. You suspect him even for a little to be unfaithful
6. He likes sex and does not like using condoms
7. He's from the south east /south south part of the country where the family members will less likely correct him but will fault you for your actions.

1. STOP SEX WITH HIM (IF YOU MUST, DEMAND FOR CONDOMS)
2. CHECK YOUR HIV STATUS
3. LOVE HIM, BUT DON'T MAKE HIM FORGIVE YOU ANYMORE THAN HE HAS FORGIVEN.
4. IF YOU ARE STILL HIV NEGATIVE. GOOD FOR YOU.
5. FIND A WAY OF GETTING HIM TESTED, MAYBE WHEN NEXT HE FALLS SICK, INSIST ON LAB TESTS.
5. IF HE'S HIV NEGATIVE, QUIT YOUR JOB BY APPLYING WITH A LETTER SHOWING THAT IT'S ON THE REQUEST OF YOUR SPOUSE, IF YOU ARE CLOSE TO YOUR BOSS ASK THEM TO DOCUMENT THE LETTER.
6. TAKE BETTER CARE OF YOUR CHILDREN.
7. DON'T GET HYPERTENSION, RELAX, OCCUPY YOUR MIND WITH POSITIVE THOUGHTS.
8. PRAY TO GOD, READ PSALMS.
9. PRAY TO GOD. DONT LET PASTORS COMPLICATE THE SITUATION FOR YOU. AFTER PRAYER TO GOD, if after two weeks of prayers and reading of psalms, you still want to see a pastor then go to senior pastors (like zonal pastors of structured churches (like MFM, Redeem, DEEPER LIFE, Living Faith) they are good counselors but take what they say as advice not compulsory instruction.
10. God bless you.

thorpido:
Sometimes people talk too much!
I don't support keeping secrets from your partner but at the level you were(after you had the triplets),all you had to tell your hubby was that you noticed your period had stopped coming.You didn't need to go into all that details!
It will bring distrust and make him react exactly as he is doing.Unfortunately,I don't know how it can ever change with him again.Men keep these things like a scar.
Keep apologizing and hope he can soft pedal.

Whatever you do,don't quit your job.

God bless you, I was scrolling through the comments to see if someone had spoken what was on my mind and you didn't disappoint me.

Op, you have lived with this man for a while and you should be able, to a significant extent, to tell how he reacts to some information; for heaven's sake, why did you go into all those details? He didn't really need all that information as long as your fruitfulness was no longer being questioned neither was your current state something like a disease, it can happen to any woman.

Please never quit your job, its no guarantee that it will make your home bounce back to normal and if push comes to shove, it is better you have something you can hold on to.

Goodluck! I pray he stops being insensitive, and I hope he gets past this phase quickly.

madam ur husby need to thank GOD say
una get 3 pikins alredi


i am not a doctor by any means bur let me ask u
can you pay the price fo
A BRAND NEW PREEGNANCY?
if u follow dis simple step you may OR MAY NOT get
PREGNANT AGAIN
IF U ARE GETTING PREGNANT WITH DIS METHOD

THEN PREPARE FOR TWINS OR HIGHER NUMBER

BITTER LEAF
GINGER
GARLIC
OKRO AND OKRO LEAF
MORIENGA SEED OR LEAF

PRECATIO
CANCEL OR REDUCE UR INTAKE OF JUNK FOOD
SHIKANA
LETS START
INCLUDE GARLIC OR ONION AND GERNGER FOR ALL UR FOOD FOR THE NEXT SIX MONTHS

COOK BITTER LEAF AND OKRA SOUP AT LEAST TWICE PER WEEK
U SABI OKRA LEAF ,LEARN HOW TO COOK AND EAT
GET MORIENGA SEED OPEN THE SEED AND CHEW LIKE 5 SEED PER DAY

(FOR THE FIRST 2 day u will PURGE LIKE KILODE )

EAT ANYTHING DRAW SOUP
U FIT ADD SNAIL
IF IT WORKS THEN PLEASE PREPARE A TABLE FOR ME ON THE DAY OF MEGA NAMING CEREMONY

MY NAME IS EBONYI INALEGWU

well, my own take is that, let's not blame the guy for two reasons, 1)because we haven't heard his side of the story and 2)if it happens to someone, the person would be devastated and right now he will be in a state of shock so it's normal for such person to react.

I'm sure that's why he called u "infertile" but all he needs is time..... you took a risk which would have backfired but God stood by you,thank God for the success of ur own risk..... to be successful in life we all need to take some risks at some points.

more so I don't think he's reacting because he wants to have more kids, I guess he's reaction was because of the thought that he might not have had any.... but like I said he needs time so give it to him.... also in anything u do, NEVER QUITYOUR JOB as it doesn't guarantee safety for the kids, God gave them to you, definitely he's responsible for their well being, not you. I say again, NEVER QUIT YOUR JOB.

Femsyn:
Hmm. Are you sure there isn't more to this? Cos I find his reaction way overboard.

You have three kids already, don't you?

Who gives birth to more than 3 children these days sef?

PS.: With this insensitive attitude of his, never ever leave your job. OK?

You took the words out of my mouth(or should I say keypad in this context?)

Alexk2:
You goofed big time by keeping such secret before marriage; it's called deciet and pls stop justifying your actions with such shallow reasons but the deed is done already and now unto the way out.
Don't talk to your parents until all other means fails...pls don't?
"Genuinely" say you're sorry and apologize while taking responsibility for your insincerity prior to now; don't try to justify or find excuse for your action while doing that.....I know you claimed you've done that severally but trust me, you may need to do it properly if you want him to understand.
If the above failed, look for someone he "respect" and listen to like his pastor or anybody that he respect dearly and talk to him/her about the whole issues and let him apologize on your behalf and talk to him.
If that one fall too which I doubt, then report him to his parents.

Truth be told, that man wouldn't have married her if she had told him the truth judging from his reaction now.

a true lover shouldnt decieve, FOR WHATEVER REASON. so im even doubting if you ever realy loved him.
now your greatest fear is about to befall you.
i'm putting myself in your hubby's shoes now, i'll end up forgiving but itll take time.
so be patient.

Kinggnicole:

Lol..were you expecting me to give the cliche Nigerian wife "pray that God touches his heart" advice?

I say it again! She has to leave if it gets to that point. From the write up above, her husband is outright disrespectful and obviously doesn't care about her needs and wants. Imagine telling her to stay and take care of the children so that nothing happens to them since she knows she's not fertile. How insensitive!

OP apologise to him again(if you need to because this is an issue of trust and is quite sensitive too) but tell him squarely that you are not quitting your job. Also give him some more time. If he's not budging , you know what to do.

You need a reset

Juliearth:



Truth be told, that man wouldn't have married her if she had told him the truth judging from his reaction now.

i dont agree.
dont forget there was still an option before they married. the guy could have still married her and by now be her biggest supporter.
who knows, maybe drug has failed and thats why she now told him. its not so easy to forget such from someone who's meant to be a lifetime partner.

Wilfredpat22:
The truth is that you deceived him. Well we all deceive men one way or the other. You started dating when you were 29, what happened between 21-28, you were sleeping around with married men I guess

This is as a repercussion for the evils you must have done in school and to other women’s homes. Now yours will be shattered. We ladies don’t hear or listen and eventually it will lead to our downfall


Let your husband look for some one fertile and responsible. By the way Are you sure those kids are his?

Nice1

Wilfredpat22:
The truth is that you deceived him. Well we all deceive men one way or the other. You started dating when you were 29, what happened between 21-28, you were sleeping around with married men I guess

This is as a repercussion for the evils you must have done in school and to other women’s homes. Now yours will be shattered. We ladies don’t hear or listen and eventually it will lead to our downfall


Let your husband look for some one fertile and responsible. By the way Are you sure those kids are his?

I know say you be man. LoL

Kiishii:



Okay sir, thank you.

I'm not married but here's my 2 cents.
I'm glad you realise and accept you were wrong. No excuses about that, marriage is anyone's biggest decision in life so no one wants to feel manipulated into it. Hence your husband's grievance.
Truly his taken it overboard by asking you to quit your job cos that's just him trying to get back at you. Please don't quit your job.

There's only one solution.
You both can't settle this between yourselves anymore, you need a 3rd or 4th party.
Have you tried marriage counselling?
Does he have someone (dad,mom, uncle, best friend, mentor, pastor) he highly esteems? You need to involve the person, do not hide any details but don't paint him bad either.

Now everything in life starts from the spiritual. You need to start or intensify your prayers. If there's anything a woman must never take for granted in marriage, it is prayers. Not just a religious prayer of meeting pastors and prophets but a personal relationship with your creator, an intimacy with the Holyspirit to give you guidance and direction in your marriage, business, parental duties, etc.
If you have not been close to God lately for any reason, I believe that's where you should start.
Everyone who holds on to God is not ignorant or desperate but humble to know that there's a God behind all this existence, and they need Him. Jesus is the Solution, Panacea and Immunity to all problems.

I believe doing these with certainly turn your worry to a testimony soon, and your concern will end with a concert.

God's peace, mercy, grace and love to you and your family in Jesus name.
Amen.

Your husband is becoming selfish nd unreasonable, how many kids una for born before,,,,,,,you guys already have 3 kids nd yet he's behaving childish, I think you should just ignore his foolishness nd pretend he doesn't exist cos he's blowing the whole thing out of proportion......what you did was wrong but at least u still gave him 3 lovely kids nd he should be grateful to God for that, what if u don't have any child for him at all, I hate men who misbehave nd sounds too stupid

Biglittlelois:
Things are happening in marriages ooo, me i'm here to learn, so early menopause is for real!! God help women.

Doctors in the house, is there any way to prevent this POF, early menopause thing


Lalasticlala, what do you think?

Marry early

Kinggnicole:
You were wrong and you apologised.
I just hope you are not considering quiting your job. He's already rubbing it in your face that you are not fertile. Imagine adding jobless to the mix. He'll rub that in too forgetting he asked you to leave.

He's already abusing you emotionally. You have to be strong dear. And by being strong you have to know when to leave.

what happens to her if she leaves? she should quit her marriage and abandon kids coz of work?
she cant keep that her job forever either.
her being "strong" now lies in her ability to act wise and allow her hubby heal. and not a show of ego and shortsightedness you're suggesting.

Time heals.. That I know

Concentrate on your kids and DONT quit ur job

isybeke:
Your husband is becoming selfish nd unreasonable, how many kids una for born before,,,,,,,you guys already have 3 kids nd yet he's behaving childish, I think you should just ignore his foolishness nd pretend he doesn't exist cos he's blowing the whole thing out of proportion......what you did was wrong but at least u still gave him 3 lovely kids nd he should be grateful to God for that, what if u don't have any child for him at all, I hate men who misbehave nd sounds too stupid

lol. imagine 2yrs after marriage, you have triplets and your hubby's d!ck stopped working because he had an issue he never told u about. how would you react?

anochuko01:

lol. imagine 2yrs after marriage, you have triplets and your hubby's d!ck stopped working because he had an issue he never told u about. how would you react?

lol

You wouldnt have told him .
It wasnt your making.
Proberbly someone might have brainwashed you into this fate restitution to the extreme.
Your husband loves you. Pray to God first and what ever God tells you to tell him do just that.
enjoy your marriage Godly woman.
I have already prayed to God almighty concerning you.
Love your husband the more.
Cheers.

Dottore:

Would you give same advice if the incidence was the other way round. I mean if the husband had knowledge of his being sterile or impotent yet kept it from her? Just asking.

If he had trouble conceiving, and they were able to quickly have 3 children through a stroke of luck, nobody will dream of asking him to quit his job or even continue apologizing to the wife.
The question most will ask is, what does she still want?
I understand the initial shock and disappointment that she hid such a thing from him, but she was on treatment then. She wasn't menopausal yet when she married him.
Many families are facing infertility issues, not necessarily from the wife. I think he should be thankful they didn't struggle at all or even spent money looking for just one child.
Being a housewife looking after your children doesn't mean they are automatically safe from accidents or harm or even illnesses. So I really don't understand the angle the husband is coming from. He wanted to hurt her deep, by asking her to quit her job and calling her infertile after having triplets.
That's another level of disregard (I won't call it hate).

Wilfredpat22:
The truth is that you deceived him. Well we all deceive men one way or the other. You started dating when you were 29, what happened between 21-28, you were sleeping around with married men I guess

This is as a repercussion for the evils you must have done in school and to other women’s homes. Now yours will be shattered. We ladies don’t hear or listen and eventually it will lead to our downfall


Let your husband look for some one fertile and responsible. By the way Are you sure those kids are his?

Are u for real?
Who dishes out these repercussions?
U ended up exposing ur stupidity

It's not your fault that you have early menopause and your marriage's hope is dependent on this fact.

It's normal for anyone to react the way for husband did. Don't worry u will regain ur husband's love and trust.

Don't quit begging him.
Remind God about this because from your story, I can see that God is already at work.

Kinggnicole:

Lol..were you expecting me to give the cliche Nigerian wife "pray that God touches his heart" advice?

I say it again! She has to leave if it gets to that point. From the write up above, her husband is outright disrespectful and obviously doesn't care about her needs and wants. Imagine telling her to stay and take care of the children so that nothing happens to them since she knows she's not fertile. How insensitive!

OP apologise to him again(if you need to because this is an issue of trust and is quite sensitive too) but tell him squarely that you are not quitting your job. Also give him some more time. If he's not budging , you know what to do.

You want her to leave after deceiving her husband. ?

Well she can leave, but I am sure the husband will never allow her to take his children with her.

She can go but leave the children.

Kiishii:
I don't even know how to start, I'm really sad and i know it is my fault, i'm sorry if it's a long read i need advise please bear with me.

When i was still single at age 29, I left a relationship that turned out be a mistake so it took time before i met someone else, at age 31 I noticed changes in my period (one month off, one month on) it has never happened to me before so i didnt take it to be anything, then it started skipping 2 months at a roll, then 3 months, i became worried cos i wasn't sexualy active at all. During this period i met my husband and we started something serious, to be on a safe side i went to see the doctor, he said i was fine that it's hormonal changes, he gave me some drugs (mostly vitamins) but it was still skipping, when my husband proposed, i went back to the doctor, he did series of tests, when results came out he said i'm having symptoms of POF, i was shocked, i cried and cried cos it's unheard of for someone my age, i told him i'm about to get married what can i do he said i should start taking hormonal injections since it's too early to be POF, i started taking it and praying all will be fine, all this while i didnt say a word of this to my husband to be or anyone else, then we got married, i took in immediately, it was the happiest day of my life, when we discovered it was triplets i cried tears of joy to the extent that my husband wondered why i was soo happy, i gave birth to 2 boys and a girl, i really thank God for his faithfulness cos i was soo nervous during the pregnancy.

My period was still skipping, then this year march it stopped completely, i went to see 2 different doctors to be sure, they confirmed i have POF (early menopause), i cried and still thank God cos he blessed me with the fruit of the womb but i couldnt bring myself to tell my husband, then he started noticing i dont buy sanitary pad anymore, he asked thinking i was pregnant i always tell him no, at a point he had to ask me if i want to make the pregnancy a surprise, that was when i knew it's time to tell him the truth, i knelt down and told him everything, i held nothing back, he was shocked that i could do something like that to him, he said i should have told him before we got married, i told him he wouldnt have married me if i told him, he was angry, he said what if the hormonal injections didnt work, it was an expensive and wicked gamble, i told him it worked that's what matters now, he abused me and walked out of the house, he didnt come home till the next day, since then things have never been the same.

He hardly talks to me except when necessary, we dont gist and joke anymore, i always beg and beg him, he says he's forgiven me but he goes back to his moody self, we hardly make love anymore, when he finally does, he doesnt look at my face, now he wants me to quit my job so i'll have my full attention on the kids, recently we had a fight about it and i told him point blank i cant quit my job the kids are fine he said i must do that, he doesnt want anything happening to them since i'm no more fertile, who says that? I cried my eyes out that night, It's not my fault nature took it's course on me, i never imagined something like this would ever happen to me.

Now he doesn't talk to me at all anymore, i'm about to tell both our families everything cos i've begged and begged him and i'm tired, i want anonymous advise that's why i'm here, please please married men and women or whoever, how do i go about this?

u did notting wrong ..pof can be temporary ,most important thing u give birth to enough kids of all combination,don't keep begging ,keep your job ,u didn't create urself ....he is even luck at least enough sex without waiting for cycles....he want to hold it as a weapon against u....some woman with POF don't even get pregrant