lilmax:
you can imagine where Nigeria is looking at this thread

omo our far ness too far

next 50 years self we never start

How do you mean?

Jaqenhghar:

Is anything sacred in Niggeria? The only thing sacred in this shithole is money. Far more sacred than life. Most times these rites are done to go show off to the village people and others who may care.

At least if they choose to finance this urge to showoff with their own money, including financing the transportation of all extended people. It would be their prerogative.

But when they insist on financing their excessives with the groom's resources, that's just sad.

Processor01:


C'mon dude, you can do better.

Experience = Subjective
Clear thinking = Objective


My advice again - there are lots of superb women from the Western, Mid-Western, Northern (rare though) and South-South of Nigeria to choose from in the US.
Quit whining or trying to denigrate a tribe.

I no get time for too much talk. Luckily someone has already said what I planned to tell you:

ebonflexy:


You just sound prideful and silly the more and more you talk.

If the OP has not met this greyish area you speak of nko? You forget he is not in Nigeria.
His experience and knowledge of Igbo people could be based on the many igbo people he has engaged with AND what he reads about their culture.
If both those things align, then THAT IS THE VERY DEFINITION OF A PEOPLE to an outsider...and also the scientific equivalent of "Due Process".

You insulting the OP over his pretty much scientific observation makes you seem more stupid than you think. You just want to feel like you are insulting someone so you can feel accomplished, even if said insult has no point.

Notice how NOOO Igbo girl has come on to any of these multiple threads on the subject to say "Hey I don't want to do my own in a village".
Fawk your textbook/confirmation bias. It is a wide-spread igbotic thing, whether you admit it or not. The very PRECEPTS of igbos state that if you don't wed her in her village, something must be wrong.

If there are any "grey area" people as you have said, then they clearly hide and do not voice their grey area.
That is THEIR fault, not the OP's...as they've missed out on SEVERAL opportunities to advertize their group as anything else BUT backward minded traditionists...or cowards.
The reason they do not comment is because THEY KNOW it is true, and are too scared or not confident enough to publicly make a statement against the backwardness.

As far as I see on this and any other discussion on this subject, online or offline, the only igbotic people who voice anything on the subject are those that:

1)- Confirm the observation

2)- Confirm the observation by insults

3)- are male, Confirm the observation, and want to marry from elsewhere because of it. (This doesn't mean they won't still insist on it in the future when marrying off their own daughter...totally abolishing what it means to "Do onto others..."

Again drop the fawking ego and stop being fawking illogical just because you want to sound like some middle-ground person.

2buffagain:


At least if they choose to finance this urge to showoff with their own money (including financing the transportation of all extended people), it would be their prerogative.
But when they insist on financing their excessives with the groom's resources, that's just sad.

Yeah I get you. Its really sad

Jaqenhghar:

Yeah I get you. Its really sad

Just doing the math alone annoys me..

I mean last time I went to naija, my ticket alone was like $1900 USD.
Now imagine transporting everyone involved to murtalla mohammed in lagos, and THEN transporting them to the east again...plus hotel accomodations etc not to now talk of the actual almost-unending wedding expenses again... because all the village people will want to know is how much dollar is entering their hand seeing as people have come from America to do wedding in their village

I rather bundle up that money and do betta thing for me and my future childrens' lives right here where I am bo.

2buffagain:


Just doing the math alone annoys me..

I mean last time I went to naija, my ticket alone was like $1900 USD.
Now imagine transporting everyone involved to murtalla mohammed in lagos, and THEN transporting them to the east again...plus hotel accomodations etc not to now talk of the actual almost-unending wedding expenses again... because all the village people will want to know is how much dollar is entering their hand seeing as people have come from America to do wedding in their village

I rather bundle up that money and do betta thing for me and my future childrens' lives right here where I am bo.

Yes O. No time to inconveninece yourself over a one day event. The security issues in the country is enough to keep you away. There is one like that taking place in February even for one person the costs are just ridiculous. I told my madam we aint going we can make a cash donation to the couple.....

Jaqenhghar:

Is anything sacred in Niggeria? The only thing sacred in this shithole is money. Far more sacred than life. Most times these rites are done to go show off to the village people and others who may care.

i suggest relax a bit and stop being angry after all you voted for the lifeless president

pointblank247:
i suggest relax a bit and stop being angry after all you voted for the lifeless president

Mr. Man you speak like you know me from somwhere.
1. I didnt vote
2. Im not angry
3. What I speak of goes beyond just voting. Im tallking about a culture, a way of life with Niggerians. Of course I dont know it all and will happily welcome criticisms or an alternative idea
If you dont understand what I wrote ask for clarification and stop making baseless assumptions

Onuokwu:


This your post is pointless. Hypocrisy. If you wan marry Brazil woman and Dem say you need to come to Brazil, you will go there with a sheepish smile on your face. Punk.

If you can't make up the cash to go just launch an appeal fund. I might decide to help you if you behave.

Not when the Brazilians parents are already where I am.
IDGAF about marrying women whose families aren't in the same country as I am.

2buffagain:
filleSouriante
KillaBeauty
Elder001 Onegai Funmicoconuts pocohantas ubunja Sagamite Rokia2 MissRaine69 lolawilliams MrBrownJay1 Lalastica

I don't do marriage but I do do Igbo girls if they are keen!

Sagamite:


I don't do marriage but I do do Igbo girls if they are keen!

Am not Igbo

[s]

2buffagain:


What is actually "Right"?

Throwing money away to satisfy frivolous "they must know" desires, or bundling up that same money and putting it into trust funds for each of your unborn children so they can start their life when they hit age 20 with a cool $500,000+ dollars....actually moving the family generations forward in a meaningful way? (Does the typical African even know what investing is?)

From experience, Poverty does not leave the mind even if money enters people's hands.
The average Nigerian does not ask "Why" and does not question things...preferring instead to give priority to "Ha, what would THEY think" or "Hmm, THEY must know today that I/we have arrived"?
Who is the THEY and why should you care?

As someone said, other cultures in Nigeria are more sensible and pragmatic as the world is no longer what it was during the times these customs of old prehistoric men were formed. Traditionists bore me, as they are incapable of independent thought past the dictates of humans like me and you who formed things according to their own understanding in their time. You live in a very different time with very different realities. If anything , it shows you do not believe in yourselves enough to make the right changes to things. It is the sign of a collective of weak minds.

Even jews, the most hyper-traditionalists of all time, do not go all the way back to israel just to marry. It is an excess. A waste of resources.

Tried giving Igbo families a chance one last time but it seems they never fail to over-do the culture thing past what even makes sense. Done with 'em.

[/s] Respect the culture !

Mariangeles:
Respect the culture !

We won't respect any shitty aspect of any culture just because it is a culture.

It is not your culture that will move us forward as a country....with your backward azz.

[s]

ebonflexy:


We won't respect any shitty aspect of any culture just because it is a culture.

It is not your culture that will move us forward as a country....with your backward azz.

[/s] Be quiet boy !

filleSouriante:


Am not Igbo

What are you?

Sagamite:


What are you?

Proudly Afonja

filleSouriante:


Proudly Afonja

Chineke!

And I was thinking you be nwanna so I can give you ogede nla from Sagamu!

ebonflexy:
I fix this problem by just generally not pursuing marriage with igbo girls.
I'm based in yankee too and the thought of me and mine making tenious trips back to nigeria just to marry is not attractive nor is it economical (~$2000 per person!!!).

Its not like you will get any benefit from marrying her that you won't get from marrying any other woman here that has sense.
So bro please if she and her people don't want to have sense, let them marry their own.

Find you a good naija girl in yankee who's parents are there with her and can handle all these things without village involvement.
The only thing that should matters is that the bride is given away from her father's house, which can be any where in the world!
That's why I like yoruba culture. They are generally more progressive about these things. Igbo will use their culture thing to kill you.

You have written it all; i am in Nigeria and i avoid them like a plague.

I once dated a so-called ada who was being bleeped mercilessly by 2 yahoo boys behind my back especially yahoo boy 1. If i hadnt found out, i would have paid heavily for her hand in marriage as she had already started to tell me about that traditional crap and i'd get to dance like a fortunate dude not knowing the girl whom i paid heavily on was being bleeped with sex enhancing drugs by nitwits. This is not to mention all the expenses i would have incurred.

2buffagain:


What is actually "Right"?

Throwing money away to satisfy frivolous "they must know" desires, or bundling up that same money and putting it into trust funds for each of your unborn children so they can start their life when they hit age 20 with a cool $500,000+ dollars....actually moving the family generations forward in a meaningful way? (Does the typical African even know what investing is?)

From experience, Poverty does not leave the mind even if money enters people's hands.
The average Nigerian does not ask "Why" and does not question things...preferring instead to give priority to "Ha, what would THEY think" or "Hmm, THEY must know today that I/we have arrived"?
Who is the THEY and why should you care?

As someone said, other cultures in Nigeria are more sensible and pragmatic as the world is no longer what it was during the times these customs of old prehistoric men were formed. Traditionists bore me, as they are incapable of independent thought past the dictates of humans like me and you who formed things according to their own understanding in their time. You live in a very different time with very different realities. If anything , it shows you do not believe in yourselves enough to make the right changes to things. It is the sign of a collective of weak minds.

Even jews, the most hyper-traditionalists of all time, do not go all the way back to israel just to marry. It is an excess. A waste of resources.

Tried giving Igbo families a chance one last time but it seems they never fail to over-do the culture thing past what even makes sense. Done with 'em.

Bro, i dont know why you have decided to waste energy typing this. You and i know what it truly is to marry; leave those who have refused to grow past these irrelevant trash called tradition. We love to deceive ourselves hence the consistent regression.

In my sincerest advice, leave that girl and marry from another tribe; save the differential and invest in your future. A word is enough for the wise.

IamLEGEND1:

I would wager a testicle the OP hasn't interacted with 0.5% of all Igbos alive today. So, unless proven that 100% of the Igbo population accepts this practice as the only acceptable process, his decision to heap everyone, with no exception, into the same basket remains inaccurate and my conclusion valid.

Lol. Grammar. Well, in statistics, if 51% from a sample population bring forth a certain result, then it is assumed that population is what that 51% bring forth as there would always be exceptions to certain principles/laws etc.

Mariangeles:
Respect the culture !

You mean remain slaves to the ways of the fore-fathers? Culture is dynamic. The wrong ones get droped.

This is the story of most people dating Nigerian women. Most are scammers just using men for money. The guys themselves are no better. You are better off marrying the one that won't cost you that much as they will mess up anyways!

mapist:


You have written it all; i am in Nigeria and i avoid them like a plague.

I once dated a so-called ada who was being bleeped mercilessly by 2 yahoo boys behind my back especially yahoo boy 1. If i hadnt found out, i would have paid heavily for her hand in marriage as she had already started to tell me about that traditional crap and i'd get to dance like a fortunate dude not knowing the girl whom i paid heavily on was being bleeped with sex enhancing drugs by nitwits. This is not to mention all the expenses i would have incurred.

Naija4lifeYank:
This is the story of most people dating Nigerian women. Most are scammers just using men for money. The guys themselves are no better. You are better off marrying the one that won't cost you that much as they will mess up anyways!

LMAO......I sincerely cannot fault your premise; i just cannot. A modest girl is so difficult to find; very difficult. Qualities that ordinarily should not be a big deal have gone extinct. The few that still have it are obviously arrogant because they know how difficult it is to get a loyal female.

pointblank247:
in igbo Land marriage is sacrade and if the union was not blessed by your village or KINDRED by participation, you are not Seen as married. They value their culture and tradition, you may be permited to have the traditional marriage thing in absentia, represented by your people, so it is not one rigid tradition but a way of ensuring that the right things are done. This is why its hard for an igbo lady to just relax with you and be having children with out the right thing done, though the indomie generation are less carefull

First and foremost in which culture is marriage not a sacred entity. Culture they say is dynamic , of recent and ethnic group in Nigeria, lay a fix amount which should be spent on traditional marriages, why because they feel the pain of the young legal working men ,. My brother their is no solid yardstick to their high hardness, the truth is they see marriage of their daughter as a money making Avenue. A common factor in the East I must say, why because money moves them. A frnd once ditched an anambra babe whom he have seem her parents for an enugu, why becos expenses was much and the lady wasn't even helping matters, was saying he have to borrow to settle everything. Am sure she's happily married to her Father.

stinflame:


First and foremost in which culture is marriage not a sacred entity. Culture they say is dynamic , of recent and ethnic group in Nigeria, lay a fix amount which should be spent on traditional marriages, why because they feel the pain of the young legal working men ,. My brother their is no solid yardstick to their high hardness, the truth is they see marriage of their daughter as a money making Avenue. A common factor in the East I must say, why because money moves them. A frnd once ditched an anambra babe whom he have seem her parents for an enugu, why becos expenses was much and the lady wasn't even helping matters, was saying he have to borrow to settle everything. Am sure she's happily married to her Father.

She sounds like a compound idiot

mapist:


You have written it all; i am in Nigeria and i avoid them like a plague.

I once dated a so-called ada who was being bleeped mercilessly by 2 yahoo boys behind my back especially yahoo boy 1. If i hadnt found out, i would have paid heavily for her hand in marriage as she had already started to tell me about that traditional crap and i'd get to dance like a fortunate dude not knowing the girl whom i paid heavily on was being bleeped with sex enhancing drugs by nitwits. This is not to mention all the expenses i would have incurred.

let them be deceiving themselves with our culture this, our culture that, you want me to go borrowing just to meet marriage expenses and thereafter remain in debt, after marriage, cos you want to marry mother Mary nonsense. Tradition, culture and religion is what has brought this country to were it is today ,taking two steps forward and ten steps backward, one that call herself mirinda is saying respect the culture, respect nonsense that is killing this generation.

Am not hating on any tribe sincerely, but go to every ashawo joints around it is the ladies from this tribe that dominates opening thier pussy for every dick and Harry ( opening a thread on this soon), yet the elders are expecting you to rob a bank to marry these hoes whose pussy are as wide as dual carriageway, and deep as a borehole. Guyz dont give yourself unnecessary stress all in the name of marriage, wasting your life savings for someone that when you are financially down in marriage she uses the exit door using the term "I nu come marriage come suffer".

@2buffagain I like your thinking jare, guyz are becoming wiser daily nonsense.

Adonko:
let them be deceiving themselves with our culture this, our culture that, you want me to go borrowing just to meet marriage expenses and thereafter remain in debt, after marriage, cos you want to marry mother Mary nonsense. Tradition, culture and religion is what has brought this country to were it is today ,taking two steps forward and ten steps backward, one that call herself mirinda is saying respect the culture, respect nonsense that is killing this generation.

Am not hating on any tribe sincerely, but go to every ashawo joints around it is the ladies from this tribe that dominates opening thier pussy for every dick and Harry ( opening a thread on this soon), yet the elders are expecting you to rob a bank to marry these hoes whose pussy are as wide as dual carriageway, and deep as a borehole. Guyz dont give yourself unnecessary stress all in the name of marriage, wasting your life savings for someone that when you are financially down in marriage she uses the exit door using the term "I nu come marriage come suffer".

@2buffagain I like your thinking jare, guyz are becoming wiser daily nonsense.

EXACTLY @ exit door. Many wouldn't consider you without money in the first place. I have said it and will continue to; let them continue to marry themselves. As for me, i am not ready to spend silly sums just to satisfy the greed of irrelevant people. As it is, i avoid their girls like a plague. There is nothing about them that excites me. All i see are greedy mofos who would sell it all to the highest bidder.

[quote author=stinflame post=78410484]

First and foremost in which culture is marriage not a sacred entity. Culture they say is dynamic , of recent and ethnic group in Nigeria, lay a fix amount which should be spent on traditional marriages, why because they feel the pain of the young legal working men ,. My brother their is no solid yardstick to their high hardness, the truth is they see marriage of their daughter as a money making Avenue. A common factor in the East I must say, why because money moves them. A frnd once ditched an anambra babe whom he have seem her parents for an enugu, why becos expenses was much and the lady wasn't even helping matters, was saying he have to borrow to settle everything. Am sure she's happily married to her Father.

stinflame:


First and foremost in which culture is marriage not a sacred entity. Culture they say is dynamic , of recent and ethnic group in Nigeria, lay a fix amount which should be spent on traditional marriages, why because they feel the pain of the young legal working men ,. My brother their is no solid yardstick to their high hardness, the truth is they see marriage of their daughter as a money making Avenue. A common factor in the East I must say, why because money moves them. A frnd once ditched an anambra babe whom he have seem her parents for an enugu, why becos expenses was much and the lady wasn't even helping matters, was saying he have to borrow to settle everything. Am sure she's happily married to her Father.

The importance of visiting home at least once in 4 years.

Don't be sold out to another tribe all in the name of marriage.

Join social media local groups of your community/people, if you are in the diaspora, don't comment but observe/watch.

Long term peace in marriages is gotten from the couples and their families at large.

Choose wisely. Act rightly!

pointblank247:
in igbo Land marriage is sacrade and if the union was not blessed by your village or KINDRED by participation, you are not Seen as married. They value their culture and tradition, you may be permited to have the traditional marriage thing in absentia, represented by your people, so it is not one rigid tradition but a way of ensuring that the right things are done. [b]This is why its hard for an igbo lady to just relax with you and be having children with out the right thing done, though the indomie generation are less careful[/b]l

exactly