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Igbo Girls And Families In Diaspora Should Just Marry Where They Are - Romance - Nairaland

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Igbo Girls And Families In Diaspora Should Just Marry Where They Are by 2buffagain(m): 6:31am On Aug 13, 2018
It would seem that of all tribes, igbo are the most geographically tied to their village.

We are in America. Yet All the igbo girls I know who marry require that she and her boo travel back to her village all the way in naija to do trad ceremonies even when the girl and her necessary family members live abroad in the same yankee.
These trips add to costs....costs that these same igbo people will want to IMPOSE on you to pay.

Are there actually igbo families out here who are pragmatic enough to not require these excessive movements?
Or is this something to pretty much expect from people from that part of Nigeria?

Serious answers only please.

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Re: Igbo Girls And Families In Diaspora Should Just Marry Where They Are by pointblank247(m): 6:51am On Aug 13, 2018
2buffagain:
It would seem that of all tribes, igbo are the most geographically tied to their village.

We are in America. Yet All the igbo girls I know who marry require that she and her boo travel back to her village all the way in naija to do trad ceremonies even when the girl and her necessary family members live abroad in the same yankee.
These trips add to costs.

Are there actually igbo families out here who are pragmatic enough to not require these excessive movements?
Or is this something to pretty much expect from people from that part of Nigeria?

Serious answers only please.
in igbo Land marriage is sacrade and if the union was not blessed by your village or KINDRED by participation, you are not Seen as married. They value their culture and tradition, you may be permited to have the traditional marriage thing in absentia, represented by your people, so it is not one rigid tradition but a way of ensuring that the right things are done. This is why its hard for an igbo lady to just relax with you and be having children with out the right thing done, though the indomie generation are less carefull

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Re: Igbo Girls And Families In Diaspora Should Just Marry Where They Are by 2buffagain(m): 7:43am On Aug 13, 2018
pointblank247:
in igbo Land marriage is sacrade and if the union was not blessed by your village or KINDRED by partication, you are not Seen as married. They value their culture and tradition, you may be permited to have the traditional marriage thing in absentia, represented by your people, so it is not one rigid tradition but a way of ensuring that the right things are done. This is why its hard for an igbo lady to just relax with you and be having children with out the right thing done, though the indomie generation are less carefull

What if he doesn’t now have people in Nigeria who can go all the way out there?
Re: Igbo Girls And Families In Diaspora Should Just Marry Where They Are by MrSensor(m): 9:37am On Aug 13, 2018
igbo kwenu
Re: Igbo Girls And Families In Diaspora Should Just Marry Where They Are by 2buffagain(m): 2:17pm On Aug 13, 2018
Again, what if he doesn’t have people in Nigeria?
Both bride and grooms parents are in yankee, but Igbo folk still insist on this massively expensive trip to their village for a wedding that pragmatism dictates should just be done here.
Re: Igbo Girls And Families In Diaspora Should Just Marry Where They Are by 2buffagain(m): 5:21pm On Aug 13, 2018
Any responses?
Re: Igbo Girls And Families In Diaspora Should Just Marry Where They Are by ebonflexy(m): 5:30pm On Aug 13, 2018
I fix this problem by just generally not pursuing marriage with igbo girls.
I'm based in yankee too and the thought of me and mine making tenious trips back to nigeria just to marry is not attractive nor is it economical (~$2000 per person!!!).

Its not like you will get any benefit from marrying her that you won't get from marrying any other woman here that has sense.
So bro please if she and her people don't want to have sense, let them marry their own.

Find you a good naija girl in yankee who's parents are there with her and can handle all these things without village involvement.
The only thing that should matters is that the bride is given away from her father's house, which can be any where in the world!
That's why I like yoruba culture. They are generally more progressive about these things. Igbo will use their culture thing to kill you.

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Re: Igbo Girls And Families In Diaspora Should Just Marry Where They Are by chigoizie7(m): 5:49pm On Aug 13, 2018
Since u guys have relatives all living abroad. U can do it there. And then a small feast in naija with kindreds of both bride and groom present.
In Igbo land, marriage is not just about the bride and groom it is both families. Otherwise u can just live with the woman and not marry her at all.

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Re: Igbo Girls And Families In Diaspora Should Just Marry Where They Are by 2buffagain(m): 6:05pm On Aug 13, 2018
chigoizie7:
Since u guys have relatives all living abroad. U can do it there. And then a small feast in naija with kindreds of both bride and groom present.
In Igbo land, marriage is not just about the bride and groom it is both families. Otherwise u can just live with the woman and not marry her at all.

That sounds cool and all but, from my experience with these discussions, I am yet to meet an igbo woman/family who agrees to this. They all seem to want to do the thing back in their village. (...I guess to show off?)

I have immediate family (parents, brothers, sisters) and some uncles all living abroad.
Some Uncles aunties and such are in naija, but in lagos. Travelling far east is a major endeavor I would rather not place on my extended relatives over there because of different family dynamics.

From my understanding, biblical and otherwise, It is the girl's father who gives her away. He and her mum is here. I have my trusted people here as well. Money can be sent to those in Naija to party small. That really should be all there is to it...but the igbo families I've encountered aren't about that modest/pragmatic life so it seems.

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Re: Igbo Girls And Families In Diaspora Should Just Marry Where They Are by 2buffagain(m): 6:32pm On Aug 13, 2018
ebonflexy:
I fix this problem by just generally not pursuing marriage with igbo girls.
I'm based in yankee too and the thought of making tenious trips back to nigeria just to marry is not attractive.

Its not like you will get any benefit from marrying her that you won't get from marrying any other woman here that has sense.
So bro please if she and her people don't want to have sense, let them marry their own.

Find you a good naija girl in yankee who's parents are here and can handle all these things here without village involvement.
The only thing that should matters is that the bride is given away from her father's house, which can be any where in the world!
That's why I like yoruba culture. They are generally more progressive about these things. Igbo will use their culture thing to kill you.

Agreed

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Re: Igbo Girls And Families In Diaspora Should Just Marry Where They Are by 2buffagain(m): 6:34pm On Aug 13, 2018
filleSouriante
KillaBeauty
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Re: Igbo Girls And Families In Diaspora Should Just Marry Where They Are by Nobody: 7:15pm On Aug 13, 2018
I totally agree with those girls. Marriage in Igbo land is serious business and is usually conducted according to set down tradition and custom. Remember marriage is not just between the man and the woman in Igbo land, it is between two families and you don’t exclude the extended family in the marital rites. If you can afford it, you should totally do things the right way and if not, your woman should be able to see reasons why you won’t be able to incur all that costs but if it were me, I’d insist on doing things the right way.

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Re: Igbo Girls And Families In Diaspora Should Just Marry Where They Are by kasmilla(m): 7:25pm On Aug 13, 2018
cry cry baby, must you repeat the same topic, thread every 3months. get your self another African babe and move on

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Re: Igbo Girls And Families In Diaspora Should Just Marry Where They Are by addictiv(m): 7:26pm On Aug 13, 2018
2buffagain:
Again, what if he doesn’t have people in Nigeria?
Both bride and grooms parents are in yankee, but Igbo folk still insist on this massively expensive trip to their village for a wedding that pragmatism dictates should just be done here.
I don't think this is correct. You will only see them come back if the bride is from igbo land, has a large family and most of them re in Nigeria including her parents. But if her parents are with her abroad the rites can be performed there.. Most igbo guys that marry foreigners do not come home to perform marriage rites

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Re: Igbo Girls And Families In Diaspora Should Just Marry Where They Are by Lonestar124: 7:27pm On Aug 13, 2018
That is our perpetual pattern of marriage in igboland and it can never be bleached.

Traditional marriage must be hold in the bride's parental hometown notwithstanding the destination.

No selfish reasons shall defile this fathom orderliness.

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Re: Igbo Girls And Families In Diaspora Should Just Marry Where They Are by 2buffagain(m): 7:33pm On Aug 13, 2018
KillaBeauty:
I totally agree with those girls. Marriage in Igbo land is serious business and is usually conducted according to set down tradition and custom. Remember marriage is not just between the man and the woman in Igbo land, it is between two families and you don’t exclude the extended family in the marital rites. If you can afford it, you should totally do things the right way and if not, your woman should be able to see reasons why you won’t be able to incur all that costs but if it were me, I’d insist on doing things the right way.

What is actually "Right"?

Throwing money away to satisfy frivolous "they must know" desires, or bundling up that same money and putting it into trust funds for each of your unborn children so they can start their life when they hit age 20 with a cool $500,000+ dollars....actually moving the family generations forward in a meaningful way? (Does the typical African even know what investing is?)

From experience, Poverty does not leave the mind even if money enters people's hands.
The average Nigerian does not ask "Why" and does not question things...preferring instead to give priority to "Ha, what would THEY think" or "Hmm, THEY must know today that I/we have arrived"?
Who is the THEY and why should you care?

As someone said, other cultures in Nigeria are more sensible and pragmatic as the world is no longer what it was during the times these customs of old prehistoric men were formed. Traditionists bore me, as they are incapable of independent thought past the dictates of humans like me and you who formed things according to their own understanding in their time. You live in a very different time with very different realities. If anything , it shows you do not believe in yourselves enough to make the right changes to things. It is the sign of a collective of weak minds.

Even jews, the most hyper-traditionalists of all time, do not go all the way back to israel just to marry. It is an excess. A waste of resources.

Tried giving Igbo families a chance one last time but it seems they never fail to over-do the culture thing past what even makes sense. Done with 'em.

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Re: Igbo Girls And Families In Diaspora Should Just Marry Where They Are by 2buffagain(m): 7:35pm On Aug 13, 2018
addictiv:

I don't think this is correct. You will only see them come back if the bride is from igbo land, has a large family and most of them re in Nigeria including her parents. But if her parents are with her abroad the rites can be performed there.. Most igbo guys that marry foreigners do not come home to perform marriage rites

Thats the whole point I'm making isn't it?
I am a man. Obviously I am talking about an igbo woman.

The igbo men who marry foreigners do so to not have to deal with their own people's unneccessary stress.

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Re: Igbo Girls And Families In Diaspora Should Just Marry Where They Are by prettysassygirl(f): 7:36pm On Aug 13, 2018
Igbo culture is d best

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Re: Igbo Girls And Families In Diaspora Should Just Marry Where They Are by 2buffagain(m): 7:37pm On Aug 13, 2018
prettysassygirl:
Igbo culture is d best

OMG such a bore!

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Re: Igbo Girls And Families In Diaspora Should Just Marry Where They Are by prettysassygirl(f): 7:37pm On Aug 13, 2018
2buffagain:


OMG such a bore!
Your opinion doesn't count dude

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Re: Igbo Girls And Families In Diaspora Should Just Marry Where They Are by kasmilla(m): 7:37pm On Aug 13, 2018
2buffagain:


What is "Right"?
Throwing money away to satisfy frivolous "they must know" desires, or bundling up that same money and putting it into trust funds for each of my children so they can start their life when they hit age 20 with a cool half a million dollars?

From experience, Poverty does not leave the mind even if money enters people's hands.
The average Nigerian does not ask "Why" and does not question things...preferring interest to give priority to "Ha, what would THEY think" or "Hmm, THEY must know today that I/we have arrived"?
Who is the THEY and why should you care?

As someone said, other cultures in Nigeria are more sensible and pragmatic as the world is no longer what it was during the times these customs of old prehistoric men were formed. Traditionists bore me, as they are incapable of independent thought past the dictates of prehistoric individuals like me and you who formd things according to their own understanding in their time.

Tried giving Igbo families a chance one last time but it seems they never fail to over-do the culture thing past what even makes sense. Done with 'em. smiley
u r done with them, but you keep creating this type of thread, every 3months,stop ranting and move on

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Re: Igbo Girls And Families In Diaspora Should Just Marry Where They Are by Lonestar124: 7:42pm On Aug 13, 2018
2buffagain:


What is "Right"?
Throwing money away to satisfy frivolous "they must know" desires, or bundling up that same money and putting it into trust funds for each of our unborn children so they can start their life when they hit age 20 with a cool $500,000+ dollars....actually moving the family generation forward in a meaningful way? (Do you typical africans even know what investing is or all you know is cash?)

From experience, Poverty does not leave the mind even if money enters people's hands.
The average Nigerian does not ask "Why" and does not question things...preferring interest to give priority to "Ha, what would THEY think" or "Hmm, THEY must know today that I/we have arrived"?
Who is the THEY and why should you care?

As someone said, other cultures in Nigeria are more sensible and pragmatic as the world is no longer what it was during the times these customs of old prehistoric men were formed. Traditionists bore me, as they are incapable of independent thought past the dictates of prehistoric individuals like me and you who formd things according to their own understanding in their time.

Tried giving Igbo families a chance one last time but it seems they never fail to over-do the culture thing past what even makes sense. Done with 'em. smiley
Please close down this thread... I'm sorry, you're not making point from the topic to your responses.

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Re: Igbo Girls And Families In Diaspora Should Just Marry Where They Are by 2buffagain(m): 7:54pm On Aug 13, 2018
Lonestar124:
Please close down this thread... I'm sorry, you're not making point from the topic to your responses.

Nope. The points made in that post are very much in line with the topic of this thread.
You just feel offended because I am questioning your culture for you, something a lot of your people want to do but are too scared to do themselves.

Besides, a man can rant.

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Re: Igbo Girls And Families In Diaspora Should Just Marry Where They Are by Nobody: 8:18pm On Aug 13, 2018
this one pain op gan.

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Re: Igbo Girls And Families In Diaspora Should Just Marry Where They Are by 2buffagain(m): 8:24pm On Aug 13, 2018
ndy87:
this one pain op gan.

Yup. it did.
Do you have anything else to say?

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Re: Igbo Girls And Families In Diaspora Should Just Marry Where They Are by Offpoint: 8:25pm On Aug 13, 2018
Village people looking at the op...

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Re: Igbo Girls And Families In Diaspora Should Just Marry Where They Are by chigoizie7(m): 8:40pm On Aug 13, 2018
2buffagain:


That sounds cool and all but, from my experience with these discussions, I am yet to meet an igbo woman/family who agrees to this. They all seem to want to do the thing back in their village. (...I guess to show off?)

I have immediate family (parents, brothers, sisters) and some uncles all living abroad.
Some Uncles aunties and such are in naija, but in lagos. Travelling far east is a major endeavor I would rather not place on my extended relatives over there because of different family dynamics.

From my understanding, biblical and otherwise, It is the girl's father who gives her away. He and her mum is here. I have my trusted people here as well. Money can be sent to those in Naija to party small. That really should be all there is to it...but the igbo families I've encountered aren't about that modest/pragmatic life so it seems.


That's ur own perception bro. If u don't like the culture. U can go ahead to do ur thing the way u like. But the Igbo tribe will not change the way they do their thing just because u have a problem with it. No, it doesn't work that way.


The Bible also respects the good aspect of people's culture. Also I can tell u that traditional marriage is not bad as it is not evil in any sense of it.


In so many other cultures all over the world, they all have their different weddings, the Indians has their own, the Chinese, the Japanese, the Arab, the English( white wedding) , the Nigerians both Igbo, Hausa, Yoruba, efik ( traditional wedding).

One type of wedding is enough for any group of people as long as they recognized it as a means of marriage rites. Just because the white wedding ( western culture ) came about to this part of the world, should we abolish our own TRADITIONALLY recognized form of wedding and take up on other people's? I don't think so.

Some might think traditional wedding is echaic? If it is then, the white wedding which is the generally recognized form of traditional wedding to the western world will be echaic to the Chinese, Japanese, Indian or even the Arabs.


The westerners have all accepted the white wedding and its norms, so as other cultures.






Traditional wedding or not, it's ur choice.

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Re: Igbo Girls And Families In Diaspora Should Just Marry Where They Are by IamLEGEND1: 8:44pm On Aug 13, 2018
First, anyone marrying outside his tribe or race should do so with the willingness to embrace his partner's culture and all the realities, pleasant or otherwise that come with the package.

with that said, any partner not willing to abandon trivial, stupid, sometimes
even harmful cultural practices simply because "it is our custom"..... well, that person's thought process is too similar to a sheep's and shouldn't be allowed to breed with humans.

for the O.P of this thread:
while a generalization like the one you just made about Igbo girls is symptomatic of a narrow-minded view on your part, the underlying points remain a valid argument, which in a more enlightened climate would be taken more seriously.

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Re: Igbo Girls And Families In Diaspora Should Just Marry Where They Are by lilmax(m): 8:49pm On Aug 13, 2018
you can imagine where Nigeria is looking at this thread

omo our far ness too far

next 50 years self we never start

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Re: Igbo Girls And Families In Diaspora Should Just Marry Where They Are by IamLEGEND1: 8:58pm On Aug 13, 2018
chigoizie7:

That's ur own perception bro. If u don't like the culture. U can go ahead to do ur thing the way u like. But the Igbo tribe will not change the way they do their thing just because u have a problem with it. No, it doesn't work that way.
The Bible also respects the good aspect of people's culture. Also I can tell u that traditional marriage is not bad as it is not evil in any sense.
In so many other cultures all over the world, they all have their different weddings, the Indians has their own, the Chinese, the Japanese, the Arab, the English( white wedding) , the Nigerians both Igbo, Hausa, Yoruba, efik ( traditional wedding).
One type of wedding is enough for any group of people as long as they recognized it as a means of marriage rites. Just because the white wedding ( western culture ) came about to this part of the world, should we abolish our own TRADITIONALLY recognized form of wedding and take up on other people's? I don't think so.

Some might think traditional wedding is echaic? If it is then, the white wedding which is the generally recognized form of traditional wedding to the western world will be echaic to the Chinese, Japanese, Indian or even the Arabs.

The westerners have all accepted the white wedding and its norms, so as other cultures.
Traditional wedding or not, it's ur choice.
You're missing the point.
How I see it, he isn't necessarily condemning traditional marriage rites, he is questioning the logic contained therein when a bride-to-be residing in a faraway land insists on traditional rites, which must be performed in a preordained location simply because it is customary. All this, with little to no regard as to the financial or economic risks which will be incurred in the process.

he is simply suggesting people shouldn't be so boneheaded & inflexible when it comes to honouring traditions that have become obsolete & serve no real purpose in the bigger picture.

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Re: Igbo Girls And Families In Diaspora Should Just Marry Where They Are by 2buffagain(m): 9:13pm On Aug 13, 2018
chigoizie7:



That's ur own perception bro. If u don't like the culture. U can go ahead to do ur thing the way u like. But the Igbo tribe will not change the way they do their thing just because u have a problem with it. No, it doesn't work that way.


The Bible also respects the good aspect of people's culture. Also I can tell u that traditional marriage is not bad as it is not evil in any sense of it.


In so many other cultures all over the world, they all have their different weddings, the Indians has their own, the Chinese, the Japanese, the Arab, the English( white wedding) , the Nigerians both Igbo, Hausa, Yoruba, efik ( traditional wedding).

One type of wedding is enough for any group of people as long as they recognized it as a means of marriage rites. Just because the white wedding ( western culture ) came about to this part of the world, should we abolish our own TRADITIONALLY recognized form of wedding and take up on other people's? I don't think so.

Some might think traditional wedding is echaic? If it is then, the white wedding which is the generally recognized form of traditional wedding to the western world will be echaic to the Chinese, Japanese, Indian or even the Arabs.


The westerners have all accepted the white wedding and its norms, so as other cultures.






Traditional wedding or not, it's ur choice.

You are derailing and off point.
No one said anything about not doing traditional weddings. In fact, trad is the most important wedding as it involves all the basic parts of a wedding already i.e parents giving away daughter. White wedding is in fact not neccessary.

The difference between these cultures you have mentioned and the african igbo is that those cultures DO IT WHERE THEY ARE.
This is because people from other cultures are PRAGMATIC as to the realities of the current age....a trait I am yet to find with most igbo traditionists....from my multiple experiences anyway.

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