Slimynonny:
Why not the mother voice her fears to her son if she has no ulterior motive? Some mother in laws can be very cunny. U never can tell what if his mother is one of those cunny ones ? You may not understand sha

Sometimes most mother hardly tell their children whom to marry and whom not to marry, becus e day backfire mostly wen lve don cloud the pikin eye, ,,,d pikin fit go tell e babe say my mama say make I kw marry u, ,,some kw get sense, ,,i don see tire

MichaelBukamzy:
Quite true.some of our parents no dey try shaa. but it would be so bad if he goes to his inlaw's place for marriage alone.

I agree with u.
Its not even proper.
They should all come to a consensus

1StopRudeness:


that was my original suggestion, i told him to get the his mum to go discuss with the lady's mum, just that u cant start looking for my first post.
this was just to tackle the point of the lady that said he should just stand his ground against his mum as if his mother doesn't want him to get married. Its just a date shift i dont know why a couple would fight over something like this... its not like they've paid for halls and the money is wasting, or the wedding planner said he wont be available for another date, or all the bridal train said they are travelling abroad.

women!!! una to dey take wedding matter too hard

The guy looks unstable. This is not d first time of changing d date, so to d lady n her family, they are being fooled.

Dogalmighty17:
I have dated this girl for three years. We fixed a date for the wedding for late this year. However, events seemingly out of my control necessitated that I shift the wedding to February next year. Initially, she was against the shift but I pleaded with her.

Sometime in August this year, we had a disagreement because I noticed she was being disrespectful towards me. She is hardworking, cooks well and is very business oriented. But her sense of independence makes her struggle with submission to her man. I told her how uncomfortable I was with it and she's promised to make amends. She has but from time to time, her old self comes out.

I was at a loss on what to do that I had to voice out the issue to her family. When they asked her, she told them that since I requested for a shift in wedding date, she became uncomfortable with the relationship. Her family then told her to call off the relationship. I got to know about this decision and I called her and she said she was going to obey the wishes of her family. Her mom also told me that since I keep complaining about her daughters lack of respect, I should leave her daughter alone. It took serious pleading from me before the family accepted the continuing of the relationship. They asked me that since the date I initially agreed for the wedding wasn't going to be convenient for me, when then do I think will be convenient? Since I didn't want to loose my woman, I mentioned February. The desperation on my path was much.

My mom on the other hand wants a wedding in April. She has said February is not convenient for her. All my pleas have fell on deaf ears. She has threatened not to bless the union and has even gone as far as threatening to curse me with her breasts if I wed in February.

My girl has refused to even entertain the thought of shifting the date again. She maintains that it is better that we outrightly call off the wedding, than shift it again. I understand her fears. She feels that I may just be wasting her time. I am not

This is my dilemma. Should I go with my woman who has spent three years of her life with me or do I go with my mom?

I must also mention that my mom was informed of the initial date of the wedding over a year ago. But she foot dragged in her support for months until much later in the year that I now had to take issues into my own hands.

Why are u shifting the date?

Metrobaba1, read the comments and satisfy your curiosity.

Dogalmighty17:
I have dated this girl for three years. We fixed a date for the wedding for late this year. However, events seemingly out of my control necessitated that I shift the wedding to February next year. Initially, she was against the shift but I pleaded with her.

Sometime in August this year, we had a disagreement because I noticed she was being disrespectful towards me. She is hardworking, cooks well and is very business oriented. But her sense of independence makes her struggle with submission to her man. I told her how uncomfortable I was with it and she's promised to make amends. She has but from time to time, her old self comes out.

I was at a loss on what to do that I had to voice out the issue to her family. When they asked her, she told them that since I requested for a shift in wedding date, she became uncomfortable with the relationship. Her family then told her to call off the relationship. I got to know about this decision and I called her and she said she was going to obey the wishes of her family. Her mom also told me that since I keep complaining about her daughters lack of respect, I should leave her daughter alone. It took serious pleading from me before the family accepted the continuing of the relationship. They asked me that since the date I initially agreed for the wedding wasn't going to be convenient for me, when then do I think will be convenient? Since I didn't want to loose my woman, I mentioned February. The desperation on my path was much.

My mom on the other hand wants a wedding in April. She has said February is not convenient for her. All my pleas have fell on deaf ears. She has threatened not to bless the union and has even gone as far as threatening to curse me with her breasts if I wed in February.

My girl has refused to even entertain the thought of shifting the date again. She maintains that it is better that we outrightly call off the wedding, than shift it again. I understand her fears. She feels that I may just be wasting her time. I am not

This is my dilemma. Should I go with my woman who has spent three years of her life with me or do I go with my mom?

I must also mention that my mom was informed of the initial date of the wedding over a year ago. But she foot dragged in her support for months until much later in the year that I now had to take issues into my own hands.

Just to be sure I capture this original post in my profile. After all, the world is a small place.

........
P34c3
.....
...

This is the main reason why ladies should never date for more than a year and men should not date when they are not ready for marriage.

It is very simple.

If after 6 months, the male you are dating is not talking about marriage,just move on to a serious and responsible person.

Ladies, be wise.

thelish:



I agree with u.
Its not even proper.
They should all come to a consensus

yes,because it is obvious dude wanna marry her.

Dogalmighty17:
I have dated this girl for three years. We fixed a date for the wedding for late this year. However, events seemingly out of my control necessitated that I shift the wedding to February next year. Initially, she was against the shift but I pleaded with her.

Sometime in August this year, we had a disagreement because I noticed she was being disrespectful towards me. She is hardworking, cooks well and is very business oriented. But her sense of independence makes her struggle with submission to her man. I told her how uncomfortable I was with it and she's promised to make amends. She has but from time to time, her old self comes out...

Your mother has seen that this marriage will not last and is trying to pass the message across but OP does not want to let go cos the girl's family is rich!

Dogalmighty17:


I and my fiancee are sponsoring it ourselves. My mom is not contributing a kobo.

if i should backhand that your yamayama mouth for you ''my mom is not contributing a kobo''; keep allowing your strong-headed attitude and act of desperation to get married to someone whose family doesn't give a hoot about you give you the impression that your Mom is against your progress - i pray you don't learn the hard way, brother. Wetin elders see miles away whilst on seat; if pikin climb mast, he no go fit see ham. Ko lo yara e ni brain nsinyi - act according to your conscience now that the signs and symptoms are very glaring. You no go carry another man's rib-bone o. Ire o...

excessmon:
Y are most comments favouring the guy and hitting hard on the lady.....I observed some key points in the write up of the op

1. If his Lady is 30 he is in early 30s or late 30s.....is it too early for him to get marry?

2. A man at early 30s is he too early to marry?

3. A man at early 30s that can't take decisions for himself what kind of man is he?

4. A relationship of three years without a reason to continue....what kind of man is that?

5. Y will a guy be so irresponsible to be scared cos his woman works and earn for herself to help him......


Finally as a man decide with your mother and not ur mom deciding for you cos she will blame you for the decisions you are suppose to take....

I adore the lady for trying to mend the life of a man that can't decide like you!!!!

My piece though

Those supporting the op are touts with so single training on how to head homes peacefully. last last, they will be distant fathers to many illegitimate children.

The op will be a fool to follow their advice.

Op, congratulations! this is just a tip of the iceberg of your FLAWS against her FLAWS. You seem very soft hearted and indecisive while your lady seems very independent and assertive. A relationship ought to be complementary which can only be possible if the relationship is a balanced one. From your submission, I can deduce that your lady is highly irritated by your indecisiveness instead of working together with you to establish a common ground, you also are irritated by her assertiveness and independence, which you should have been working on during courtship and harness it to bring out the best in her.
Sorry brother, I don't think any individual can really change a particular behavior based on promises, so you both cannot change except with total determination with the realization that marriage is work in itself. You get to make lots of decisions in marriage, this lady doesn't see that trait in you because women love to see their men above them such that they look up to them as role models. Your softness can however be maximized to a great advantage if only your lady sees it as a strength rather than a weakness.
Op, I'm sure your lady will also have her own story to tell if given the opportunity.
Sorry, you are not the dream guy your lady wants deep down in her heart, she is not crazy about you hence, her decision to break up with you after 3years! The disrespect and lack of submission are the signs and I'm sure she has seen her own signs too.
Op, date is the least you sld be considering right now, what you sld consider is what kind of marriage do I want for myself. This chaos gives you you that window period to know whether or not to go ahead with the wedding. Where there is mutual love, respect, understanding, I tell u, there won't be chaos, if at all there is, your lady won't be a party to it. Think very well with your head and not your heart.

I advise you don't rush to please ur fiancee yet. Take ur time. Inasmuch as I don't support ur mother, except she has strong reasons for postponing ur wedding, I equally think that a good mother in law to be should advice you both to relax on the wedding thing since you both are having issues. I MY advice is that even if ur mom allows the wedding in February, still wait until you are comfortable with ur fiancee character. Your mom's wedding date rejection could be a way God wants u to study her the more.

OLAJADON:

he should stand by a disrespectful woman abi?
it is best for him to end things now than when she start bearing kids. moreover the o.p is soft so I won't be surprised if he takes Ur advice

I started by advising him to walk away if he's nursing hopes that this un-submissive woman would change for the better.

But if he has decided that it is her who he must marry, then he's got no choice but to stand by her. That's how leaving and cleaving works. Either he's in or out!

Nikkygold4life:
Op, congratulations! this is just a tip of the iceberg of your FLAWS against her FLAWS. You seem very soft hearted and indecisive while your lady seems very independent and assertive. A relationship ought to be complementary which can only be possible if the relationship is a balanced one. From your submission, I can deduce that your lady is highly irritated by your indecisiveness instead of working together with you to establish a common ground, you also are irritated by her assertiveness and independence, which you should have been working on during courtship and harness it to bring out the best in her.
Sorry brother, I don't think any individual can really change a particular behavior based on promises, so you both cannot change except with total determination with the realization that marriage is work in itself. You get to make lots of decisions in marriage, this lady doesn't see that trait in you because women love to see their men above them such that they look up to them as role models. Your softness can however be maximized to a great advantage if only your lady sees it as a strength rather than a weakness.
Op, I'm sure your lady will also have her own story to tell if given the opportunity.
Sorry, you are not the dream guy your lady wants deep down in her heart, she is not crazy about you hence, her decision to break up with you after 3years! The disrespect and lack of submission are the signs and I'm sure she has seen her own signs too.
Op, date is the least you sld be considering right now, what you sld consider is what kind of marriage do I want for myself. This chaos gives you you that window period to know whether or not to go ahead with the wedding. Where there is mutual love, respect, understanding, I tell u, there won't be chaos, if at all there is, your lady won't be a party to it. Think very well with your head and not your heart.

You're such a sensible woman!

.@Dogalmighty17, come ponder on this.

Dogalmighty17:


I and my fiancee are sponsoring it ourselves. My mom is not contributing a kobo.

But she contributed evritin by at least givin birth to u and nt abortin u yrs ago...
MAN UP AND NEVA PLACE UR MODA IN UR INLAW'S HANDS

IYANGBALI:
Pls let me have the girl's number, we can still do our wedding this year

I suspect say d gal na ur sister oooo


U won give d shit out to op by all means.

Mr. I see you are so concerned about the wedding that you are ignoring possible cracks in your union. You are laying the perfect foundation for a weak marriage - selling your dignity and respect to your fiancé’s family, negotiating with them over issues that you need to take control of. The way you are going, your negotiation journey has just begun. Let me ask you, are they paying for the wedding? The most important thing in marriage, my friend, is not what we do, it’s who we do it with. It’s okay for your fiancée to be upset about the shift in date, what is not okay is the threat to end the relationship. See, people/ families like that will threaten you will all they have - marriage or no marriage so expect to give in to many things along the way. No one can tell you what you do, but I’ve seen so many strong wonderful comments here that can help you to see what you’re getting into. Goodluck.

PrimadonnaO:


You're such a sensible woman!

.@Dogalmighty17, come ponder on this.

Thanks sis.

IamD18:
Low self-esteem is damn bad!

What nonesense! Will you die if you don't marry the lady?

If little issues like wedding date can make her family advice her to call off the relationship, what then will happen when a bigger issue shows up in your marriage.

Trust me Bruv, if they really want you. I mean, if the lady and her mother really respect and like you, WEDDING DATE will not be enough reason for her to think of calling off the relationship, it won't just be enough reason for the mother to tell you to leave her daughter alone.

The earlier you understand that no one is irreplaceable, the better for you.

In my opinion; Kindly part ways with her,Mr.


PART WAYS!!!!!

I don’t see anything wrong with date shifting, but did u give them a solid reason for shifting it?
pls be careful with the girls parents, they won’t make good in-laws, people that told there daughter to call of wedding because of date issue, look wella oo, my marriage broke because of my wife’s family be careful God just showed u something

If your reasons are reasonable, then there is no wrong in shifting wedding dates.

It is a wedding date not a burial date. Only dead bodies need to be buried hurriedly. If you don't get married today, you can tomorrow as far as you both understand and trust each other.

As per disrespect and assertiveness, stop expecting a total change. You cannot change a person's personality. She's probably a choleric, and would most likely show more dominant traits.

Note, being assertive and dominant would also mean that men can't deceive her easily, her loyalty to you would be non-negotiable and absolute. So you see, for every personality trait, there are cons and pros.

She also needs to understand that your being indecisive (sometimes) can help you take more calculated risks. An indecisive person is less likely to be scammed or, lied to. You're also less likely to fail and you would make a great analyst since you tend to view issues from different angles before drawing conclusions. People who take decisions without thinking make the greatest mistakes, and often times, the intention is to impress someone.

While shifting dates may have been the best response to your observations, the right thing is to have allowed her key into your plans and thoughts, she needs some level of control man. You do this intelligently such that you give her the level of control, on your own terms.

You don't owe her mother any discussion on wedding dates until you and your partner come to a firm agreement. If you had done the right thing, she would have acted like an evangelist by explaining reasons to her mother. Under this arrangement, na your woman go fight for you and stand in the gap.

Take the above steps seriously and amend the issues. Your mom will come to terms when she begins to see changes in the way you both relate. Unless on spiritual or prophecy stuffs, nothing else will delay her from blessing your union.

[quote author=malel1 post=74049661]
.

Dogalmighty17:


Her family has been very accommodating. They have been open to see my mom. My mom however, keeps finding one excuse or another not to go.

After reading this, I think the girl and her family are right. She is better off without you and your family wahala

They don't beg someone to marry, the person either wants to get married or he doesn't.

they shouldn't have to drag you to set a date neither should they keep waiting for your mum to come down from her high tower and deign to see them to set a date.

You and your mum should carry your marriage and go.
Her family has been very accommodating but you and your mum are busy playing funny games. SMH

konkacid:


My brother, you're sitting on a trailer load of gun powder. If at all you want to have a happy home, you need no sootsayer to tell you that, that lady isn't meant for you. Forget all those qualities you listed. You get the best of your partner in courtship, she can only get worse. And if she gets worse, there's no one to run to, as the parents have affirmed that, that is how their daughter was brought up. Abeg, there are superb ladies looking for a responsible man like you. Please move on, the ladies in question will tear you and your family apart and the worst part of it is that, when the deed is done, from what I read from your post, her father's door is still wide open to her.

Nice comment.
I used to think Na kids fool this forum.

Bottom line is don't marry her. Let her break up with you and never go back to her at anytime at all.

Dogalmighty17:


I and my fiancee are sponsoring it ourselves. My mom is not contributing a kobo.

What sort of useless comment is this for Christ sake...You are such a kiddo for making this comment.. So what if your mom doesn't contribute any thing? So what?
You really have some growing up and to do before getting married. Focus on that first. When you grow up, you will understand that you are the man and should be in charge, you will not be unstable in making decisions, you will not be easily controlled by your woman and her family and understand the importance of your mum and your own family so you don't make stupid comment like this again.

Nonsense.

koyyes:
This is the main reason why ladies should never date for more than a year and men should not date when they are not ready for marriage.

It is very simple.

If after 6 months, the male you are dating is not talking about marriage,just move on to a serious and responsible person.

Ladies, be wise.

bad advise,,..so after six months she should keep moving on till she becomes evening newspaper abi......men will just keep dating her for six years and dump her!!

Slimynonny:
From the ops story and some of his response here my everything points to his mother. Yes the girl in question may hv an attitude bt thats because she feels insecure because of the date shifting. Ok ask yourself these questions why is his mother refusing to see their in law? Why is she so much in a hurry to curse her son because of date? For all i care and know wedding date would be chosen by the couple in question and then the parents would be notified. Besides parents hv nothing to do with the date their children hv chosen except where the parents are the sole sponsor of the so called wedding. Some mother in laws are a big problem to some daughters in law whom they dont like...

in sensible societies, both families choose date for marriages,not the.man or woman,..both parents!!!!..

Slimynonny:
You people that are telling him to quit the relationship keep forgetting that for 3good years they hv been together and no problem. It all started with the shifting of date... Why not tackle the issue at hand and stop beating abt the bush....

ending the relationship is best for all..he will fins someone better and she will find someone who is ready and not shift dates!

babyfaceafrica:
bad advise,,..so after six months she should keep moving on till she becomes evening newspaper abi......men will just keep dating her for six years and dump her!!

You think everyone is like you. Keep deceiving yourself until you actually realise you are the evening newspaper with mould all over.

koyyes:

You think everyone is like you. Keep deceiving yourself until you actually realise you are the evening newspaper with mould all over.

k

Slimynonny:
You people that are telling him to quit the relationship keep forgetting that for 3good years they hv been together and no problem. It all started with the shifting of date... Why not tackle the issue at hand and stop beating abt the bush....

With no problem from the last 3years??

Are u sure u read the story??