LadySarah:
My mums only bro came after 5 of them girls.Everybody wanted to have a say of his choice of a wife.he brought his love home an ogoja woman from cross river state and my grandma refused.For yrs he pleaded even when there was a preg scare they didn't budge.She would curse with her flat breasts that he suckled .
Her crime-not Igbo.

Last last,she later brought her choice,a week before his traditional wedding he died.His trad date was used for his burial.He was 35yrs and had been ready to marry the non Igbo woman for 9 yrs but for my grandma.

They later travelled to Lagos to meet the lady and enquire whether she actually had a child for him but nothing.
No son ,no grandchild.

Who she gon blame?What does the Igbo woman have that the cross riverian didn't have.She bitterly regrets it today and hasn't recovered since 2012 from it.


If she/he is worth it ,go for it.Life is too short for another creature to make yours filled with regret.
If they quote Eph 6 vs 1,quote verse 2 for them.

Chai, this your story is too sad o....

Thank you all for your Contributions. this was eye opening. Not married yet but in A few years I will be...

LynnnCHI:


I understand your point but we can only say this because we are not in her shoes.As a person myself I love the idea of having more male children than female.I love the idea of having many boys.....It's a mental thing,like they are there to also protect....that's just me.

I understand that it's freaky,but it can be well managed.The control comes partly because the son no longer is accessible to her.Constant visiting with the kids and family will go a long way to address the issues little by little.For me I don't think I will have issues with a needy MIL.Na me sef go dey ask am say make him go see him mama Everytime.

It's a mental thing because you've been programmed to accept weakness that's why you need sons to protect you lol I hope you don't get dissapointed when your daughter in law doesn't allow you share, just pray your future husband lives long enough to protect you because he's truly yours. I really want to know what your child will protect you from? sounds interesting to me

Parent cannot always be right... Who you love is what matters, cuz it's not your parents that'll live with the person, it's you... I love parents that respect their children's decisions, that's some respect they got... So if parents disagree for some irrelevant reason, and because they did you let go of that person, then there wasn't love after all.

sassysure:

Why will a mum see her son as a husband?
If her husband is dead, she should look for divorcee or single elderly man to rob body with instead of wrapping all her world around her son.
Women like that are control freaks, nothing more.
Have seen many of them. They don't end up well. They can go to any length to control their son. With the usual sob stories, I'm your mum and I know what's best for u.
Be independent minded. Mothers and pastors acting as they know too much.
Even you that want to marry, living with somebody as spouse is different from dating.
Make your own choice and bear the consequence.
That is maturity.

That girl is quite weird. She even says she hopes her sons will protect her and wishes to spend as much time as possible in their house. Instead of focusing on her husband who will be old too, she wants to leave him to cling to her kids, even if one losses a spouse can't someone marry again instead of marrying your child? there's nothing we won't read on Nairaland

Moneystopnonsen:
Married against my mother's wish. She never liked my wife when she was babe then in school, simply because she says I give her attention too much more than i give to her.

Fast forward to after 8years of dating her, mum complained about how can i be stuck with one girl when guys where frolicking about.

After Nysc i started planning marriage, mum actually arranged her friends daughter for me, she was hot, but me i overlooked her because I was hell bent on been opposite of what my father was.

3 years ago i married my wife, mum only came for the traditional. She gave me plenty condition for my white and i was like why will my own mum want to sabotage my life simply bcoz of jealosy. Because of her I didn't do white wedding. I went to the registry and married my wife.

Today I have 2 kids and my wife is my back bone, mum still detest her and is pretending, I have made it clear to her you can't love me, love the kids she gave you and dislike her.

Recently she went as far as smearing my wife's image To my younger brothers who are not in Nigeria, I wonder what she wants to gain. So am paying her back with no access to me at all. Until she retraces her step.

If u notice I didn't talk about my dad, he is alive, his an old arse hole for university of Ibadan females both students and hostel female staff, he can gift u a car just to lay u.

Mum is just a control freak. She has lived her marital life yet wants to live another through me, but kole work ooo

wow

very interesting

Just be good for and to your own family

that's what matters now

hammerFC:


Good thing u mention that.

I met one Esan girl, this girl was all over me, then she asked me, are u Esan.

I told her, i am Nigerian, she said are u Esan?

Now, clearly, she is looking to bring an Esan guy back to please her family.

She select black over white, nigeria over ghana and then in Nigeria, she is looking for Esan in particular becos she is Esan.

Wat is wrong with that? Must she carry a non Esan person to her Esan family?

lol.. but the case you just highlighted is quite different from what the OP asked, it's obvious the said lady is a tribalist. God knows I will marry any body I want to marry, who doesn't like it should go and hug transformer.

Thou I'm already hooked with someone, I made it clear to everyone that I won't take rubbish from any member of my family, believe me, they all adjusted.

If I'm wrong let me face the consequences. e no pass so.

Willie2015:


He got a mother with a good heart .... not a strong man......some dont actually make it....

Just exactly the same scenario here, my friend got married without parental consent...

Anytime the wife gives birth, the child will die within 7 days... before naming....

Wifey gave birth..... 4 times..... all those kids aint alive....

My guy had accident some yrs after the marriage.... he was driving alone ..... no oncoming vehicle..... none at his back

Drove and hit a big tree..... that was the end.

It is advisable to seek parental consent.....

Even if your parents are traditional herbalists ..... you must find a way to seek their consent.

People without both parents or those who got consent have experienced worse.
It is wrong to link bad luck to rebellious behavior.

clemmonce:
o boy they do before birth abortion ... They will check the child's genotype before the baby is born...

Wow! I never knew that is possible. Someone told me a baby's genotype can't be know until after delivery.

SenorFax:
Going through this thread and I realise why the world is in chaos. "Lack of home training"

If you fail to listen to your parent you can never listen to anybody in this life. If they can't convince you, no single living soul can convince you.

As a parent, you want the best for your child, imagining that child telling you your best is bullshit. Well, karma is a bitch, you get what you give.

this depends


A lot of parents in NIGERIA give FLIMSY REASONS as to why their kid should not marry someone else.

If there are genuine concerns that the parents have discovered and they lay it on the table, the kid is more inclined to listen


But if it's based on flimsy stuff

like "this tribe is this"

Or something else

Then the child better use his brain
gettin a good partner is very hard
losing such partner due to flimsy reasons will be very very bad.

in summary, use your discretion

Tallesty1:
No experience so I will be sharing my senior brother's experience.


Dude came home one day with one tall bae like that from Anambra.


He called the fam together and introduced her as the girl he will marry, Oh Boy.... My old man no even let him finish before he provoke.


He said it ain't happening, that all his kids will marry from my state.

Mumsy calmed him but she sef no support the thing.

Later that night(after the girl don go) he(dad) called us together and started giving reason why we should not marry from another state.

My bro told him that he and the girl don tey so he no fit leave am like that.

I told them to let him marry whoever he likes after all nah he go live with am.


But the reason I supported him be say me sef dey date one girl from Anambra that time.

Mumsy later gree but palee refused so with mom's support, we do strong head go marry her.


To cut the story short, the lady is my dad's favorite daughter in law till today and they're happily married with 4 kids.

2 boys and 2 girls.

dope

sassysure:

Nope, the control has been there all along. She just don't want to share.
When he don't have secrets, always doing to her bidding.
See, this control started when he was young. Mothers see it as their right, sometimes relegating the dad to the background.
That you gave birth and trained your child is your complete obligation. As long as you chose to give birth, u should take responsibility for the outcome. It's not a privilege.
You didn't do your son any favour so no emotional blackmail there. The mum should reach out to her son's wife. It's not always wife that should do the reaching out.
Nothing spectacular about being a mum. Mad women have children too.

The moment our men stand up to their mum and be bold enough to say will make my own decision about marriage no matter the outcome, the better for everybody.

This control start when a mother think that her marital life revolves around her son. That her son is the reason she is living or enduring her marriage, so the boy automatically becomes her asset.

Wow! It is good to hear someone say what I always say. Children should not feel they are indebted to their parents for bringing them up. Who else should have done it? The child didn't beg to be born. In fact the parents most likely prayed for a child.

Many mums keep blackmailing their kids with "I carried you for 9months" as if other mum's that give their children freedom carried theirs for 2 weeks. I consider men that cannot stand up to their mums to be weak.

There's always two sides to marriage without parental consent. Main issue is what is/are the reasons given by the parents? Are they valid? Does the person you intend to marry worth it?
In Igboland marriage is a union of two families. From husband and wife to family meeting,to kindred meeting to village meeting to town meeting so you can't be alone. I have stories of both good and bad.

Same here, here mum is saying no because of my church, so I have given her space, if she is truly mine, she would be mine no matter what. [/quote]

You did the right thing my brother. Mine got married last month, I wish her joy and happiness. I too love the girl

Ugosample:


this depends


A lot of parents in NIGERIA give FLIMSY REASONS as to why their kid should not marry someone else.

If there are genuine concerns that the parents have discovered and they lay it on the table, the kid is more inclined to listen


But if it's based on flimsy stuff

like "this tribe is this"

Or something else

Then the child better use his brain
gettin a good partner is very hard
losing such partner due to flimsy reasons will be very very bad.

in summary, use your discretion

Omo, my wife tell me one story about one babe wey future mother in law no allow rest o. Na so so trouble: "u wld never marry my son" matters. Las las, then kuku separate. The mama go bring one geh wey she like. Guess Wetin happen? Na that girl wey the mama like naim kill the mama. The geh come tire for the way the mama dey so so dey com the house. The geh com quarrel with the mama, push her fall. Omo na so mama take off o! Marriage end o.
In fact Wetin me be dey plan before ehn. If dem no accept my babe, after I don try to convince dem, I go separate, com marry geh wey I know she bad die. Na that geh go show dem shegey wela. Me I go suffer but I sabi bear rubbish o just to make my point. But las las I still married the chick of me dreamz and I no send their wahala. I dey flex my marriage dey go and my wife funny pass warri geh.

ImaIma1:


Wow! It is good to hear someone say what I always say. Children should not feel they are indebted to their parents for bringing them up. Who else should have done it? The child didn't beg to be born. In fact the parents most likely prayed for a child.

Many mums keep blackmailing their kids with "I carried you for 9months" as if other mum's that give their children freedom carried theirs for 2 weeks. I consider men that cannot stand up to their mums to be weak.

Amhappy:
There's always two sides to marriage without parental consent. Main issue is what is/are the reasons given by the parents? Are they valid? Does the person you intend to marry worth it?
In Igboland marriage is a union of two families. From husband and wife to family meeting,to kindred meeting to village meeting to town meeting so you can't be alone. I have stories of both good and bad.

And u no wan talk the stories ba? U con com here dey read oda ppl own abi?

Mizwisdom:



That girl is quite weird. She even says she hopes her sons will protect her and wishes to spend as much time as possible in their house. Instead of focusing on her husband who will be old too, she wants to leave him to cling to her kids, even if one losses a spouse can't someone marry again instead of marrying your child? there's nothing we won't read on Nairaland

One of my mates lost her husband last Dec. She has only one boy. She wept for long hours. Do you know that the son walk up to her and ask that she stop crying that as daddy is gone he's now her husband. He police her around to make sure she doesn't weep again. Son is about 9 or 10. I Remember when an aunt wanted to remarry after husband disappeared for years. My cousin bro who was barely 7 then will cry and cry begging his mummy not to remarry that he's now her husband. He will do anything to make mum happy. House work,sing and dance for mum,help in the shop etc. And laslas aunt no remarry. So these things happens. Mostly to people who are widowed early. The problem is the mother not knowing when to detach and allow son route his life.

LynnnCHI:


You're a man.Im proud of you.Your wife is lucky!But I think your wife should at this point try win her over since she is now married to you.Yoyr mother's jealousy is understood.... A mother also sees their son as husband as well.

What kind of incest and codependency levels is this?

Ishilove:

Is this like hearing the 'small, silent voice', or an inspiration? Conviction? How did you 'hear' God?

I will say I was quite Privileged to Hear GOD..

It happened very early in the morning on dt day.. ( let's say btw 5am and 6am) I heard a Clear , Bold and audible voice ..

YOU ARE GOING TO SOOOOOOO...

It was sooo clear....

At that time I was prepping to Go some where totally different....

That voice made me cancel all other plans, cos I knew deep in my heart that if I didn't obey the voice I would crash....

Few months after Connection was made just as I was directed...

It took about 2-3 and Half years before finally coming to Pass ..

the evil guy devil tried to scuttle GOD'S plans... Many many discouragement sand all that
Finally, What GOD said came to Pass Exactly as it was said..
2017 Marriage was done ... Everything was pure Miracle.. purely the Hand of GOD..


My Admonishment to those seeking is that GOD ALMIGHTY gives spouses. I am a Living Example..

First u have to Come to HIM with an open not with a choice..
I remember telling GOD , if I don't hear HIM clearly in Marriage, I would never marry..

The Truth is that I have Enjoyed Greatly the Benefits of being directed by GOD in my Home..

It's very possible..

You Trust GOD for it
Don't give him a plan B..

Even if your Missing Rib is in Kazathan, GOD will bring u guys together...

Amhappy:


One of my mates lost her husband last Dec. She has only one boy. She wept for long hours. Do you know that the son walk up to her and ask that she stop crying that as daddy is gone he's now her husband. He police her around to make sure she doesn't weep again. Son is about 9 or 10. I Remember when an aunt wanted to remarry after husband disappeared for years. My cousin bro who was barely 7 then will cry and cry begging his mummy not to remarry that he's now her husband. He will do anything to make mum happy. House work,sing and dance for mum,help in the shop etc. And laslas aunt no remarry. So these things happens. Mostly to people who are widowed early. The problem is the mother not knowing when to detach and allow son route his life.

OK a 10 year old will comfort a crying mother most times. Note I didn't say boy or girl because any child will be moved to compassion towards a loving mother, even kids less than that. When my neighbor was sick her 5 year old daughter lost appetite cause of concern for the mother. You clearly have some stereotypes which is fine but not necessarily true. A selfish child will ask the mother not to remarry because he wants to be the only child and have her to himself, no adult should allow a 7 year old control him or her. One day that child will marry and leave you lonely, no spouse wants a mil with no life of her own. I don't know why someone should allow a child dictate how she lives her life, it's better to have your own companion than to be disturbing your kids because you're lonely.

bedspread:


I will say I was quite Privileged to Hear GOD..

It happened very early in the morning on dt day.. ( let's say btw 5am and 6am) I heard a Clear , Bold and audible voice ..

YOU ARE GOING TO SOOOOOOO...

It was sooo clear....

At that time I was prepping to Go some where totally different....

That voice made me cancel all other plans, cos I knew deep in my heart that if I didn't obey the voice I would crash....

Few months after Connection was made just as I was directed...

It took about 2-3 and Half years before finally coming to Pass ..

the evil guy devil tried to scuttle GOD'S plans... Many many discouragement sand all that
Finally, What GOD said came to Pass Exactly as it was said..
2017 Marriage was done ... Everything was pure Miracle.. purely the Hand of GOD..


My Admonishment to those seeking is that GOD ALMIGHTY gives spouses. I am a Living Example..

First u have to Come to HIM with an open not with a choice..
I remember telling GOD , if I don't hear HIM clearly in Marriage, I would never marry..

The Truth is that I have Enjoyed Greatly the Benefits of being directed by GOD in my Home..

It's very possible..

You Trust GOD for it
Don't give him a plan B..

Even if your Missing Rib is in Kazathan, GOD will bring u guys together...

The bolded ministered directly to my soul. Thank you so much for sharing your story. It is so educative and inspiring.

God bless you.

Daeylar:


What kind of incest and codependency levels is this?

.
I just don't understand, I will like to hear from her, it sounds a lot like incest to me

Mine was worst I beg and beg,got my friends begging most of my familes begged as well for them to allow me to get married to my wife but it was just a waste of time . Long story short i got married without my parents blessings and will do it again and again...you can't cage your children just because you gave birth to them..And guess what was the real issues pretty lame guys, because my wife is from Abia and we are from Anambra and also she is Anglican and we are Catholic that's it .

olumyde:


I know that is one of the popular advice on will get. But what if it is even because of God that you are making your decision. Then you will have to decide if God is first or your parents.

Anyways, this thread is for people to share experience. There are other threads full of different advices.

Advice is cheap! Talk is cheap! Don't we usually say, experience is the best teacher.

A lot our parent see that we don't even smells and for her to say such believe me hold it dear I beg u

DavidEsq:

Guy exactly na so my own be o! But I know who my babe be. I do my marriage I no send dem. If u se the kind things wey I don achieve becos of this my wife ehn. Happiness yakata, savings make sense, common sense full ground, peace dey overflow. As in ehn. I don dey do my will sef to give my wife maximum protection. Dem don dey call me dey beg me tire for visit but me I cannor fit shout o. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I am striving to be same to her.

Bro my suitation was really bad and I was embrassed with the turn out but I bullshit everbody and got married to my wife and every day has been a huge blessing..so far I have learned a lot from her.

Most of this marriage disapproval comes from the Man family.. Their reasons are not most time genuine.they are just self center, the sisters are the one's that normally poison their parent not to accept the intended wife because of jealousy...
My advice. Marry the person you know that can love,cherish, and can tolerate you because no human is perfect..

SenorFax:
Going through this thread and I realise why the world is in chaos. "Lack of home training"

If you fail to listen to your parent you can never listen to anybody in this life. If they can't convince you, no single living soul can convince you.

As a parent, you want the best for your child, imagining that child telling you your best is bullshit. Well, karma is a bitch, you get what you give.

Bullshit, so as an Adult I have no right to make decisions and stand fully firm with that? This is why Nigeria is all messed up the youths can't not think straight without involving there parents..That's why most Nigeria Adults are still living in with their parents because they are afriad to go out there and be a man that you were meant to be.

pyrex23:

Children not parents

Wife, not children. After children comes parents.

franchasng:
One of my elder brother married a lady my parents advised against, and today they are divorced, op listen to your parents if they have strong reason, don't let all these Liar Mohammed wannabes on Nairaland deceive you oh, listen to your parents o, hmmm

if there is a cogent reason, you consider it

If the reason is flimsy, you discard it

that's the rule of thumb

Two of my seniors (relatives( regret the wives they married everyday

but guess what?

Those wives were foisted on them by their parents


scratch that

Those wives were foisted on them by their MOTHER.

Now look at the result


there is no hard and fast rule in this thing

LadySarah:
My mums only bro came after 5 of them girls.Everybody wanted to have a say of his choice of a wife.he brought his love home an ogoja woman from cross river state and my grandma refused.For yrs he pleaded even when there was a preg scare they didn't budge.She would curse with her flat breasts that he suckled .
Her crime-not Igbo.

Last last,she later brought her choice,a week before his traditional wedding he died.His trad date was used for his burial.He was 35yrs and had been ready to marry the non Igbo woman for 9 yrs but for my grandma.

They later travelled to Lagos to meet the lady and enquire whether she actually had a child for him but nothing.
No son ,no grandchild.

Who she gon blame?What does the Igbo woman have that the cross riverian didn't have.She bitterly regrets it today and hasn't recovered since 2012 from it.


If she/he is worth it ,go for it.Life is too short for another creature to make yours filled with regret.
If they quote Eph 6 vs 1,quote verse 2 for them.

that's a burden a lot of Igbo families carry

I'm from one; so I know