₦airaland Forum

tizan:
Mine is a bit different. It's about how my marriage is going to end. As negative as it may sound, I currently feel I will have to bring and end to this marriage in order to be happy.

The problems:
Keeping secrets and telling lies about everything from past relationships to whether she had dinner.

hotspec:
pray u don't encounter any marital problem, u will run for ur life and forget d children. look well and don't fall into d hand of a pretender. don't say it's easy to identify them unless u can identify d difference btw a mushroom and a toadstooll

hotspec:
God forbid. mynchildren are my joy and I had to endure d marriage because of them as I don't want to see them suffer because their mum doesn't take normal care of them. I'm d one paying their school fees. I seen them in their schools. I give them things. d only thing they miss now is our evening and early morning playings

highcollide:
you have time to reply that lady. She's a feminist who thinks a man has to lie down when a woman wants to walk.


Ignore her.

jakandeola:
bloody Hippocrates wen I talk of my mum u attack me my girl family want me not to be close to my mum again but as a lady now u attack d guy

Zither:
The No 1 cause of burial is death.

flyca:
A very short boy is trying really hard to make a point

flyca:
A very short boy is trying really hard to make a point

Martinez39:
Such reaction from the short boy can be best described as a defense mechanism. Maybe I and realtalk19 struck a nerve in him.

MacMkboy:
Lol... Defense Ko, Defender Ni. All I'm Trynna Say Is That People Oftentimes Use The Wrong Yardstick When Making Critical Decisions To Which You'll Without Doubt Agree With Me As Being A Very Risky And Dangerous Strategy.

okikiosibodu:
I fell in love with your moniker. Can you please post a link to some of your music pieces?

realtalk19:
5 ft 9inches

MacMkboy:
Lol... I Admit She Is Taller Than Me (I'm 2inches Short Of Her Height). Yet, I'll Insist That A Person's Height Doesn't Determine Nor Should Be Used To Conclude About Their Character. Experiences, A Constant Awareness And Evaluation Of One's Character Shapes A Person. The Problem Is That Man Is Constantly Lying To Himself Esp As Regards The Weak Areas Of His Life.

tizan:
Mine is a bit different. It's about how my marriage is going to end. As negative as it may sound, I currently feel I will have to bring and end to this marriage in order to be happy.

The problems:
Keeping secrets and telling lies about everything from past relationships to whether she had dinner. Once visited a male friend without my knowledge. Still passing off an ex as a family friend, and keeping that relationship (platonic or not) going till today. Just to name a few.

And it's not just about ex's. The lies and deceit from her are at a level I never imagined I would have a personal experience of, and with marriage I have realized; unfortunately for me, that it runs in their family. For example, I found out after marriage that the house she took me to meet her parents is not their house. And everyone in their family played along.

My curiosity was aroused when I noticed her deleting chats from her phone about two days after the wedding but it faded in the excitement of that period. I was intrigued further when I observed another red flag phone conversation after two weeks while still adjusting to the new status, and then I knew something was not right. So I decided to investigate some of my concerns and the stuff I have found make my heart sink. I realize I am being betrayed repeatedly and now have virtually lost trust in her words, actions and intentions.

Let me add that I never expected an angel, we're human and are all liable to lie and stuff like that, but with her its like a deep rooted problem and I find that I can't deal with it. I'm too open and straight-forward to be matched up with a pathological liar.

I have confronted her on some of the lesser lies (e.g she lied about her salary on a job she got through my network, lied that she didn't do MMM whereas she did twice, lies to maintain her previous lies, and just lying even when it's unnecessary). I have had to be playing the fool just to get enough information to confront her with when the time comes. Because I don't want to bring up a situation that will leave room for any family members and their expected begging, or reconciliation.

I am glad now that I did not question her immediately. Now that I know her much more from living together, I realize she would have just told more lies to cover up and blocked my means of finding out once she found out my method of getting info, and I wouldn't have gotten all the additional information I have now. I know a lying is an essential ingredient of cheating, and I am only anticipating catching her red-handed on a matter of faithfulness, and that's it.

For those who say some comments here are from people making out to be victims and not confessing their own shortcomings, I say with a sense of seriousness, DON'T JUDGE. And I sincerely pray you don't find yourself in these types of circumstances. As for me though, I have become more irritable and tend to over-react at times. For example, I have reacted physically, though regrettably, on two separate occasions in the early days of my discoveries, but now I'm not as shocked anymore and find it easier to keep my cool. Additionally, I don't show as much care as I can, and probably don't regard her with the kind of respect she deserves as my Mrs. The love has diminished. But that's what happens when trust flies out of the window.

What I've written above does not do the situation justice as it's not possible to capture everything in a few paragraphs, but overall I have not been genuinely happy for months and want out for sure.

Please note that I am not looking for sympathy or consolation as I know what I've gotten myself into. I'm just sharing so that someone can learn from my experience, and also hoping to read others' experiences as well.

tizan:
All the instances mentioned above were discovered post-wedding, apart from the MMM thing.

The lies weren't so much during the dating phase, though now with hindsight I think I was probably too open and honest to notice. A bit showed up while we were making the wedding arrangements and they were related to the wedding. And when I raised concerns it was attributed to a girl's typical desire and excitement for her wedding. I should add that we attended the same church, and I lowered my standards a bit thinking no-one is perfect, afterall I tell a few lies too.

I couldn't have realized that it was a chronic case.

hotspec:
for good 3 years I warned her. I only owe her 6k pernmonth to take care of d 2 children as court ruled

hotspec:
Yes I am. and yes she is better off... But I live in South west Nigeria, and I believe if ure truly married and have ever faced any challenge from ur in laws, u will understand me. Dt story I summarised in 3 lines, if I should give u d full gist, it will be up to 500 pages of A4 paper, front and back.

did I mention my inlaws (I mean her father and mother came to beat me one night) just because we were having issues and she called them (we live in d same town). dt day she left home since 9am and came back around to 9 in d night, without telling where she was going to since dt morning. so I told her to go back to where she was coming from.

that was it, d next thing was to called her parents who came to pack her things. her father broke my door with his leg. and started beating me.


it was in my house one day dt her mother told her that she's too dull and dt is why I'm dictating to her. dt if it's her Elder sister (who is also now a single mother) she would have locked d husband, tear her cloth and beat him. since dt day, any little misunderstanding, she will pounce on me, tear my cloth and neat me. I can show u pictures of tore cloths. twice I've been to police station to report her.


madam, I can drop my digits for anyone who cares to listen to d full gist. my story is verifiable. I have loads of evidence to support my claims.

hotspec:
that was it, d next thing was to called her parents who came to pack her things. her father broke my door with his leg. and started beating me.

Ishilove:
Is 6k what you can afford or you are giving a woman 6k to raise the children of your loins in this Buhari era just to spite her?

sisisioge:
Wowzerful...may God help the world.

Wife's parent are d one controlling her. after several attempts to severe her relationship with them was unsuccessful. divorce was successful. shez back with her parents now, and she's d one doing d cooking and washing for them.

Any little thing, she tear my other and target my neck to strangle me. had to let go bf it's tooate

Was married for 15 years, ended badly due to irreconcilable differences. Ant regrets? Yes, I should have walked earlier

I was always a means to an end for she and her social climbing family unknown to me. Once she felt like she'd got all she wanted from me, she moved back in with her family to enjoy the life my sweat built for them.

I don't feel any way about it because I've moved on with someone who values me for who I am and not what I can offer. The divorce is currently working it's way through the court.

Everyone will be alright last last.

Similar to mine. Was married for 10 years. Couldn't bear the inlaws and their wahala again. No regret whatsoever

My wife thinks I was born to come and please her and I am supposed to be happy being her slave. She thought she was the prize (?)

Married 9 years,irreconcilable differences coupled with the fact she was obsessed . I couldn't say hi to a female without getting chewed out or accused of infidelity. regret...should have walked earlier.

Married two years ago to a narcissist.

I saw all the red flags but felt he would change. How ignorant of me.

Any regrets??
No. I walked out that same year didn't want to live a life of regrets. Had to tell myself the truth.

Advice:
1.Never marry a man that doesn't respect ANYBODY. Even his parents.

2.How he treats others is how he'll treat you eventually.
3. Read about Narcissism. Lots of people are narcissist. Never end up with them.

Mine Ended with a bang, literally. Tom and Jerry kinda of sturvs. The only beautiful thing is the lovely kids. No regrets whatever, some are just not meant to be.

Bro,run for ur life. wish someone told me ds bf I married her. imagine my mother in-law asking wife to also "wake up" because she's a graduate.

I'm so glad I walked out of my marriage of three months.

I even thank God when I think about it because God saved me.

The guy had so much skeletons in his cupboard. So diabolic and fetish. Had I known of those skeletons I wouldn't have accepted his proposal.

Say no to long distance relationship. I did it for 4 years only to get married and leave 3 months after.

The only regret I have is leaving empty handed while the idiot's side chic came and cleared everything including the cars.

was in that kind of relationship before and it took me 8yrs to stop being the virtuous woman and flee for my life. I was depressed and sick, lost an eight weeks pregnancy due to excessive beatings, looking back now, I should have left earlier. No regrets, even though I'm not perfect, in my heart of heart, I know I am not a bad person and I tried to make it work.

what went wrong:
He became aggressive and violent after I got pregnant and wasn't responsible to the kids welfare.

he refused getting a job and I ended up being the bread winner of the family on debts.

he was proud, nassicist and impatient.

he curses at every opportunity

he relayed solely on his mum's advice always and keeps secrets.


how did it end:

After he locked I and the kids out. my family stepped in to save me and the kids.

our rent was due and despite working he still expected me to pay the rent which I refused cos I was fed up, exhausted and frustrated.


whose fault?

it was entirely his fault because even when I endured the responsibility and violence ,it got worse, and he felt he owns me and can do anytin he like without being questioned. he had a dyfunctional upbringing which made him belive torturing a woman Wil make her worship him.


any regrets?

my regrets were setbacks, trauma and ending up with the wrong partner.

red flags on spouse?

lying, violent,anger,malice, impatient in the sense that he wanted fast money he didn't need to work hard for whereby making him addicted to football betting and online hook up.

what I would have done differently?

taken my time to study him and avoid sentimental discision.

never dated a short guy. lol . anger issues and inferiority complex where by he make me feel less of myself and made me loose my self esteem by talking down and condemning every good thing I ever did

be more patient : cos of my age then (27years) I felt the clock was ticking and I wuldnt want to get married late.


moved on: when I got pregnant I had an opportunity to move on after the violent actions but I didn't because I felt I had no chance if I end up as a single mum.


I am very relaxed and more peaceful now. it's been 2 years of success, progress and hope with my kids alone and am so happy I made that discision to leave for good alive.

Despite the traumatic experience, am still hopeful and believe in a happy and successful marriage especially with the right spouse .

The problems:
Keeping secrets and telling lies about everything from past relationships to whether she had dinner. Once visited a male friend without my knowledge. Still passing off an ex as a family friend, and keeping that relationship (platonic or not) going till today. Just to name a few.

And it's not just about ex's. The lies and deceit from her are at a level I never imagined I would have a personal experience of, and with marriage I have realized; unfortunately for me, that it runs in their family. For example, I found out after marriage that the house she took me to meet her parents is not their house. And everyone in their family played along.

My curiosity was aroused when I noticed her deleting chats from her phone about two days after the wedding but it faded in the excitement of that period. I was intrigued further when I observed another red flag phone conversation after two weeks while still adjusting to the new status, and then I knew something was not right. So I decided to investigate some of my concerns and the stuff I have found make my heart sink. I realize I am being betrayed repeatedly and now have virtually lost trust in her words, actions and intentions.

Let me add that I never expected an angel, we're human and are all liable to lie and stuff like that, but with her its like a deep rooted problem and I find that I can't deal with it. I'm too open and straight-forward to be matched up with a pathological liar.

I have confronted her on some of the lesser lies (e.g she lied about her salary on a job she got through my network, lied that she didn't do MMM whereas she did twice, lies to maintain her previous lies, and just lying even when it's unnecessary). I have had to be playing the fool just to get enough information to confront her with when the time comes. Because I don't want to bring up a situation that will leave room for any family members and their expected begging, or reconciliation.

I am glad now that I did not question her immediately. Now that I know her much more from living together, I realize she would have just told more lies to cover up and blocked my means of finding out once she found out my method of getting info, and I wouldn't have gotten all the additional information I have now. I know a lying is an essential ingredient of cheating, and I am only anticipating catching her red-handed on a matter of faithfulness, and that's it.

For those who say some comments here are from people making out to be victims and not confessing their own shortcomings, I say with a sense of seriousness, DON'T JUDGE. And I sincerely pray you don't find yourself in these types of circumstances. As for me though, I have become more irritable and tend to over-react at times. For example, I have reacted physically, though regrettably, on two separate occasions in the early days of my discoveries, but now I'm not as shocked anymore and find it easier to keep my cool. Additionally, I don't show as much care as I can, and probably don't regard her with the kind of respect she deserves as my Mrs. The love has diminished. But that's what happens when trust flies out of the window.

What I've written above does not do the situation justice as it's not possible to capture everything in a few paragraphs, but overall I have not been genuinely happy for months and want out for sure.

Please note that I am not looking for sympathy or consolation as I know what I've gotten myself into. I'm just sharing so that someone can learn from my experience, and also hoping to read others' experiences as well.

did I mention my inlaws (I mean her father and mother came to beat me one night) just because we were having issues and she called them (we live in d same town). dt day she left home since 9am and came back around to 9 in d night, without telling where she was going to since dt morning. so I told her to go back to where she was coming from.

that was it, d next thing was to called her parents who came to pack her things. her father broke my door with his leg. and started beating me.


it was in my house one day dt her mother told her that she's too dull and dt is why I'm dictating to her. dt if it's her Elder sister (who is also now a single mother) she would have locked d husband, tear her cloth and beat him. since dt day, any little misunderstanding, she will pounce on me, tear my cloth and neat me. I can show u pictures of tore cloths. twice I've been to police station to report her.


madam, I can drop my digits for anyone who cares to listen to d full gist. my story is verifiable. I have loads of evidence to support my claims.

Ishilove:
All the short men I know, and i mean ALL, are cranky and difficult. It's like what they lack in height, they make up in mouth and aggression

bobobooge:
Mind your business.
The purpose of the thread is not to scrutinize those who have shared their deep lying problems.

chisco82:
Hm! You mouth Eee!

MacMkboy:
My Dear Forget The Bias. Be Openminded To Everyone That Comes Across You But Never Rush Into Settling Down. Identify Your Areas Of Weakness And Work On Them. Don't Rush To Identify Peoples Weaknesses When Urs Have Been Left Unidentified. No Human Is Perfect. Its Just Our Understanding And Tolerance Level That Are Different. May God Grant U Peace.

MacMkboy:
Hahahahaha

Ishilove:
Is 6k what you can afford or you are giving a woman 6k to raise the children of your loins in this Buhari era just to spite her?

Ishilove:
Did I address the question or comment to you? You really should take your own advice. Shior.

Gboromiro. Eke is my hobby. Puma on wheels. Obehlanga. Gbeborun jatijati.

bobobooge:
I'm a lover not a fighter

But I had to correct you regardless.

Writing is therapeutic. That is why these people have shared many details of their experiences to feel better.

So you shouldn't invade their personal stories to judge them or pick faults.

Thanks for understanding.

hotspec:
dt was d court ruling.

MacMkboy:
No ooo.... I am 4feet tall