|Join Nairaland / LOGIN! / Trending / Recent / New|
Stats: 2,234,092 members, 4,889,677 topics. Date: Thursday, 25 April 2019 at 08:54 PM
What Were Your Concerns Before Marriage And How Did It Turn Out After Marriage? / Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? / Married Men, Please What Exactly Are You Enjoying In Your Marriage? (2) (3) (4)
|Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by oyetpel(m): 4:26pm On Feb 12|
You are looking at it from an extreme angle.
Will a woman that nags a lot confess that she does? Or don't you know nagging can break a home?
Disobedience, not submissive enough, lazy e.t.c
Even the woman that its her mother or family that is controlling her won't mention it, and interference can cause problem in marriage.
So also some attitude in men, apart from all these cheating and beating palaver
If they do not include that they had flaws like Katier00 did, they we are just here to read biased story of people who just want sympathy.
|Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by realtalk19(f): 4:26pm On Feb 12|
thank you. no time for negative vibes. Martinez39
7 Likes 1 Share
|Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by lastmessenger: 4:33pm On Feb 12|
realtalk19:unless you don't value your eternal destiny. You better go reconcile with your hubby and work things out. You don't have any other way out here.
|Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by lastmessenger: 4:36pm On Feb 12|
cococandy:will she even find someone? No man wants to commit formication with a divorced woman. No man wants to risk hell abeg.
|Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by Martinez39: 4:40pm On Feb 12|
realtalk19:Lol. Even my mum has a thing or two against short people. She characterises them as smart crooks and control freaks.
|Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by cococandy(f): 4:40pm On Feb 12|
But the married ones risk hell for outside vaginas, risk hell for material stuff that doesn’t belong to them, risk hell doing all sorts of bad things but a divorced woman is the one they won’t risk hell for.
Excuse me while I laugh.
|Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by realtalk19(f): 4:50pm On Feb 12|
guy u can pass without wasting ur time to type rubbish below my post. I can never be intimidated by your negative life.u ar way too small for my God.i already have successful way out and move on which supersedes your negative ability. stop hurting urself with sadness and pain. u relly need JESUS
|Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by realtalk19(f): 5:09pm On Feb 12|
very true based on those I have come across
|Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by Martinez39: 5:12pm On Feb 12|
|Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by tizan: 5:18pm On Feb 12|
Mine is a bit different. It's about how my marriage is going to end. As negative as it may sound, I currently feel I will have to bring and end to this marriage in order to be happy.
Keeping secrets and telling lies about everything from past relationships to whether she had dinner. Once visited a male friend without my knowledge. Still passing off an ex as a family friend, and keeping that relationship (platonic or not) going till today. Just to name a few.
And it's not just about ex's. The lies and deceit from her are at a level I never imagined I would have a personal experience of, and with marriage I have realized; unfortunately for me, that it runs in their family. For example, I found out after marriage that the house she took me to meet her parents is not their house. And everyone in their family played along.
My curiosity was aroused when I noticed her deleting chats from her phone about two days after the wedding but it faded in the excitement of that period. I was intrigued further when I observed another red flag phone conversation after two weeks while still adjusting to the new status, and then I knew something was not right. So I decided to investigate some of my concerns and the stuff I have found make my heart sink. I realize I am being betrayed repeatedly and now have virtually lost trust in her words, actions and intentions.
Let me add that I never expected an angel, we're human and are all liable to lie and stuff like that, but with her its like a deep rooted problem and I find that I can't deal with it. I'm too open and straight-forward to be matched up with a pathological liar.
I have confronted her on some of the lesser lies (e.g she lied about her salary on a job she got through my network, lied that she didn't do MMM whereas she did twice, lies to maintain her previous lies, and just lying even when it's unnecessary). I have had to be playing the fool just to get enough information to confront her with when the time comes. Because I don't want to bring up a situation that will leave room for any family members and their expected begging, or reconciliation.
I am glad now that I did not question her immediately. Now that I know her much more from living together, I realize she would have just told more lies to cover up and blocked my means of finding out once she found out my method of getting info, and I wouldn't have gotten all the additional information I have now. I know a lying is an essential ingredient of cheating, and I am only anticipating catching her red-handed on a matter of faithfulness, and that's it.
For those who say some comments here are from people making out to be victims and not confessing their own shortcomings, I say with a sense of seriousness, DON'T JUDGE. And I sincerely pray you don't find yourself in these types of circumstances. As for me though, I have become more irritable and tend to over-react at times. For example, I have reacted physically, though regrettably, on two separate occasions in the early days of my discoveries, but now I'm not as shocked anymore and find it easier to keep my cool. Additionally, I don't show as much care as I can, and probably don't regard her with the kind of respect she deserves as my Mrs. The love has diminished. But that's what happens when trust flies out of the window.
What I've written above does not do the situation justice as it's not possible to capture everything in a few paragraphs, but overall I have not been genuinely happy for months and want out for sure.
Please note that I am not looking for sympathy or consolation as I know what I've gotten myself into. I'm just sharing so that someone can learn from my experience, and also hoping to read others' experiences as well.
41 Likes 2 Shares
|Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by oyetpel(m): 5:36pm On Feb 12|
@tizan thanks for sharing, no one is judging tho.
Concerning what the op asked that did you see any red flag or any regrets.
I see you are still in the marriage, but why didn't you stop the relationship when you spotted some red flags, like lying about that house being her family's own, etc.
Would you say you were blinded by love? Or you have invested in the relationship that to back out was not possible?
|Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by Martinez39: 5:42pm On Feb 12|
tizan:Thanks for sharing. Hope you find your happiness.
|Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by lastmessenger: 5:49pm On Feb 12|
realtalk19:read the Bible well. You will probably change your mind
|Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by cococandy(f): 5:59pm On Feb 12|
This sounds like one of those situations where a woman would be accused of seeking divorce over flimsy issues if the poster was a woman.
Seems like you already made up your mind. Making sure you don’t leave any room for reconciliation. (In your own words)
|Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by tizan: 6:06pm On Feb 12|
All the instances mentioned above were discovered post-wedding, apart from the MMM thing.
The lies weren't so much during the dating phase, though now with hindsight I think I was probably too open and honest to notice. A bit showed up while we were making the wedding arrangements and they were related to the wedding. And when I raised concerns it was attributed to a girl's typical desire and excitement for her wedding. I should add that we attended the same church, and I lowered my standards a bit thinking "no-one is perfect, afterall I tell a few lies too".
I couldn't have realized that it was a chronic case.
4 Likes 1 Share
|Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by tizan: 6:16pm On Feb 12|
I respect your opinion but as for me, I don't think lying to me while looking into my eyes, and then lying to maintain the lie (for months) is a flimsy issue in a marriage. I also don't think collecting money from your ex on more than one occasion when married is a trivial issue to raise. Neither do I think your ex dropping you off at your husband's house is a flimsy issue in a marriage. I can go on.
13 Likes 1 Share
|Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by cococandy(f): 6:33pm On Feb 12|
I don’t think it’s flimsy either.
I also don’t think that alone is reason enough for divorce (except more facts come to light).
What I think is that it’s reason enough for open discussion (confront with the truth instead of playing the long game), counseling, other interventions and then divorce if no solution can be reached.
But it’s your life and your decision.
|Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by zeb04(f): 6:50pm On Feb 12|
If you are physically violent towards your partner, it invalidates all your accusations and that is why I applaud people who just leave.
Cheating is bad but not a criminal offense. But physical violence? You can loose everything. Your job, your reputation, you will also be arrested if your partner knows his or her right.
You can say your wife is a cheat, a liar and all but if you have laid your hands on her, forget it.
|Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by fastseo: 8:00pm On Feb 12|
I know I hit you very hard... See the way you are fuming just because I opposed your view and finally you now acknowledge that it's not all heaven on earth and there might be storm honesty if your type see marital issues you will do times 10 more than what was written here. I pray it shall not be ur portion.
I know who u are quoting that was why I mentioned and brought up his marital issues.
Even Jesus didn't meet bread and butter on earth that was why he warned his disciples about betrayal, this betrayal shall not come from ur village people, or your enemies but from the very ones that loves us
But most churches will teach you that life is all tea and bread
Mark 13:12 Now the brother shall betray the brother to death, and the father the son; and children shall rise up against their parents, and shall cause them to be put to death
|Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by realtalk19(f): 8:03pm On Feb 12|
since you know the Bible so well I guess you read your own upside down since you missed the part where it was written that you shuld remove the speck from your own eyes before removing from another person's eye.
I suggest u swallow your ignorance and toxic mindset and mind your business. Evey one is entitled to his or her opinion.
12 Likes 1 Share
|Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by fastseo: 8:26pm On Feb 12|
you be man go sleep with another man's wife and you go know say na criminal offense
|Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by Erums(m): 9:01pm On Feb 12|
She nevr saw that coming
|Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by hotspec(m): 9:49pm On Feb 12|
Erums:for good 3 years I warned her. I only owe her 6k pernmonth to take care of d 2 children as court ruled
|Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by cococandy(f): 10:01pm On Feb 12|
In your mind 6k a month is good enough for your two children?
You call yourself a father?
20 Likes 1 Share
|Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by cococandy(f): 10:02pm On Feb 12|
You tried to severe someone’s relationship with her parents? And you have over 100 likes for that?
You’re an awful person.
She’s better off without you. .
15 Likes 3 Shares
|Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by clumsydyna: 10:11pm On Feb 12|
Fortunately for me, the wife of my cousin is like that and the guy is very domineering, she dare not even get angry at anything, she is a very cool and gentle lady, talks calmly and I have never seen her angry for like 10 years since I knew her. Trust me, if my dada unlocks itself I will say whatever comes to my mouth then without fear or favour.
1 Like 1 Share
|Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by hotspec(m): 10:36pm On Feb 12|
cococandy:Yes I am. and yes she is better off... But I live in South west Nigeria, and I believe if ure truly married and have ever faced any challenge from ur in laws, u will understand me. Dt story I summarised in 3 lines, if I should give u d full gist, it will be up to 500 pages of A4 paper, front and back.
did I mention my inlaws (I mean her father and mother came to beat me one night) just because we were having issues and she called them (we live in d same town). dt day she left home since 9am and came back around to 9 in d night, without telling where she was going to since dt morning. so I told her to go back to where she was coming from.
that was it, d next thing was to called her parents who came to pack her things. her father broke my door with his leg. and started beating me.
it was in my house one day dt her mother told her that she's too dull and dt is why I'm dictating to her. dt if it's her Elder sister (who is also now a single mother) she would have locked d husband, tear her cloth and beat him. since dt day, any little misunderstanding, she will pounce on me, tear my cloth and neat me. I can show u pictures of tore cloths. twice I've been to police station to report her.
madam, I can drop my digits for anyone who cares to listen to d full gist. my story is verifiable. I have loads of evidence to support my claims.
|Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by hotspec(m): 10:39pm On Feb 12|
BiafraBushBoy:pray u don't encounter any marital problem, u will run for ur life and forget d children. look well and don't fall into d hand of a pretender. don't say it's easy to identify them unless u can identify d difference btw a mushroom and a toadstooll
|Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by zeb04(f): 11:01pm On Feb 12|
hotspec:You are a deadbeat father. To think you want to forget your children because you have problem with their mother.
You don’t have integrity.
5 Likes 1 Share
|Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by cococandy(f): 11:04pm On Feb 12|
Okay that’s messed. Very unconscionable behavior from her and her parents.
You’re better off divorced from her.
All the same 6k for your two kids is poor. Even if that’s what the court ordered, you should used your church mind. Don’t punish the kids for their mom’s behavior
|Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by Quarterbac: 11:19pm On Feb 12|
I don't know anyone like that, but i believe we all have the amount of poo we can take. Each person to his/her own cup size. I'm from Edo state, that alone should tell you a lot, our women are not the type to step aside for you to walk thru. Maybe having a very calm lady is a good thing, but when it's a guy, it's a whole new thing entirely.
|Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by Martinez39: 11:22pm On Feb 12|
cococandy:What if that's what he can afford? The mother too can also go and work?
|Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health |
religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket
Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2019 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 266