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How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? - Family (9) - Nairaland

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Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by oyetpel(m): 4:26pm On Feb 12
Winter4:


Look at it from this angle: The guilty parties are not talking. The hurt ones are those pouring their minds out. If I was guilty, I wouldn't say a word here also....abi how would I justify cheating on my husband? Or beating my wife to a pulp...

You are looking at it from an extreme angle.

Will a woman that nags a lot confess that she does? Or don't you know nagging can break a home?

Disobedience, not submissive enough, lazy e.t.c

Even the woman that its her mother or family that is controlling her won't mention it, and interference can cause problem in marriage.

So also some attitude in men, apart from all these cheating and beating palaver


If they do not include that they had flaws like Katier00 did, they we are just here to read biased story of people who just want sympathy.
Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by realtalk19(f): 4:26pm On Feb 12
Martinez39:
That's the spirit. You go girl! cheesy

thank you. no time for negative vibes. Martinez39

7 Likes 1 Share

Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by lastmessenger: 4:33pm On Feb 12
realtalk19:


lol, it's obvious u ar a nassicist and a loner that's why u can't accept success or defeat. funny enough u ar not God . I wil get married and even send u an invite. just stay alive for it.
unless you don't value your eternal destiny. You better go reconcile with your hubby and work things out. You don't have any other way out here.

Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by lastmessenger: 4:36pm On Feb 12
cococandy:
Let the Bible try and stop her when she finds someone else
will she even find someone? No man wants to commit formication with a divorced woman. No man wants to risk hell abeg.
Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by Martinez39: 4:40pm On Feb 12
realtalk19:


I didn't generalize but based on observations with most short people I have come across are aggressive and stubborn
Lol. Even my mum has a thing or two against short people. She characterises them as smart crooks and control freaks. grin

1 Like

Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by cococandy(f): 4:40pm On Feb 12
Lmao

grin

But the married ones risk hell for outside vaginas, risk hell for material stuff that doesn’t belong to them, risk hell doing all sorts of bad things but a divorced woman is the one they won’t risk hell for.

Excuse me while I laugh.

lastmessenger:
will she even find someone? No man wants to commit formication with a divorced woman. No man wants to risk hell abeg.

13 Likes

Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by realtalk19(f): 4:50pm On Feb 12
lastmessenger:
unless you don't value your eternal destiny. You better go reconcile with your hubby and work things out. You don't have any other way out here.

guy u can pass without wasting ur time to type rubbish below my post. I can never be intimidated by your negative life.u ar way too small for my God.i already have successful way out and move on which supersedes your negative ability. stop hurting urself with sadness and pain. u relly need JESUS

8 Likes

Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by realtalk19(f): 5:09pm On Feb 12
Martinez39:
Lol. Even my mum has a thing or two against short people. She characterises them as smart crooks and control freaks. grin

very true based on those I have come across

1 Like

Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by Martinez39: 5:12pm On Feb 12
realtalk19:


very true based on those I have come across
grin
Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by tizan: 5:18pm On Feb 12
Mine is a bit different. It's about how my marriage is going to end. As negative as it may sound, I currently feel I will have to bring and end to this marriage in order to be happy.

The problems:
Keeping secrets and telling lies about everything from past relationships to whether she had dinner. Once visited a male friend without my knowledge. Still passing off an ex as a family friend, and keeping that relationship (platonic or not) going till today. Just to name a few.

And it's not just about ex's. The lies and deceit from her are at a level I never imagined I would have a personal experience of, and with marriage I have realized; unfortunately for me, that it runs in their family. For example, I found out after marriage that the house she took me to meet her parents is not their house. And everyone in their family played along.

My curiosity was aroused when I noticed her deleting chats from her phone about two days after the wedding but it faded in the excitement of that period. I was intrigued further when I observed another red flag phone conversation after two weeks while still adjusting to the new status, and then I knew something was not right. So I decided to investigate some of my concerns and the stuff I have found make my heart sink. I realize I am being betrayed repeatedly and now have virtually lost trust in her words, actions and intentions.

Let me add that I never expected an angel, we're human and are all liable to lie and stuff like that, but with her its like a deep rooted problem and I find that I can't deal with it. I'm too open and straight-forward to be matched up with a pathological liar.

I have confronted her on some of the lesser lies (e.g she lied about her salary on a job she got through my network, lied that she didn't do MMM whereas she did twice, lies to maintain her previous lies, and just lying even when it's unnecessary). I have had to be playing the fool just to get enough information to confront her with when the time comes. Because I don't want to bring up a situation that will leave room for any family members and their expected begging, or reconciliation.

I am glad now that I did not question her immediately. Now that I know her much more from living together, I realize she would have just told more lies to cover up and blocked my means of finding out once she found out my method of getting info, and I wouldn't have gotten all the additional information I have now. I know a lying is an essential ingredient of cheating, and I am only anticipating catching her red-handed on a matter of faithfulness, and that's it.

For those who say some comments here are from people making out to be victims and not confessing their own shortcomings, I say with a sense of seriousness, DON'T JUDGE. And I sincerely pray you don't find yourself in these types of circumstances. As for me though, I have become more irritable and tend to over-react at times. For example, I have reacted physically, though regrettably, on two separate occasions in the early days of my discoveries, but now I'm not as shocked anymore and find it easier to keep my cool. Additionally, I don't show as much care as I can, and probably don't regard her with the kind of respect she deserves as my Mrs. The love has diminished. But that's what happens when trust flies out of the window.

What I've written above does not do the situation justice as it's not possible to capture everything in a few paragraphs, but overall I have not been genuinely happy for months and want out for sure.

Please note that I am not looking for sympathy or consolation as I know what I've gotten myself into. I'm just sharing so that someone can learn from my experience, and also hoping to read others' experiences as well.

41 Likes 2 Shares

Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by oyetpel(m): 5:36pm On Feb 12
@tizan thanks for sharing, no one is judging tho.

Concerning what the op asked that did you see any red flag or any regrets.

I see you are still in the marriage, but why didn't you stop the relationship when you spotted some red flags, like lying about that house being her family's own, etc.

Would you say you were blinded by love? Or you have invested in the relationship that to back out was not possible?
Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by Martinez39: 5:42pm On Feb 12
tizan:
Mine is a bit different. It's about how my marriage is going to end. As negative as it may sound, I currently feel I will have to bring and end to this marriage in order to be happy.

The problems:
Keeping secrets and telling lies about everything from past relationships to whether she had dinner. Once visited a male friend without my knowledge. Still passing off an ex as a family friend, and keeping that relationship (platonic or not) going till today. Just to name a few.

And it's not just about ex's. The lies and deceit from her are at a level I never imagined I would have a personal experience of, and with marriage I have realized; unfortunately for me, that it runs in their family. For example, I found out after marriage that the house she took me to meet her parents is not their house. And everyone in their family played along.

My curiosity was aroused when I noticed her deleting chats from her phone about two days after the wedding but it faded in the excitement of that period. I was intrigued further when I observed another red flag phone conversation after two weeks while still adjusting to the new status, and then I knew something was not right. So I decided to investigate some of my concerns and the stuff I have found make my heart sink. I realize I am being betrayed repeatedly and now have virtually lost trust in her words, actions and intentions.

Let me add that I never expected an angel, we're human and are all liable to lie and stuff like that, but with her its like a deep rooted problem and I find that I can't deal with it. I'm too open and straight-forward to be matched up with a pathological liar.

I have confronted her on some of the lesser lies (e.g she lied about her salary on a job she got through my network, lied that she didn't do MMM whereas she did twice, lies to maintain her previous lies, and just lying even when it's unnecessary). I have had to be playing the fool just to get enough information to confront her with when the time comes. Because I don't want to bring up a situation that will leave room for any family members and their expected begging, or reconciliation.

I am glad now that I did not question her immediately. Now that I know her much more from living together, I realize she would have just told more lies to cover up and blocked my means of finding out once she found out my method of getting info, and I wouldn't have gotten all the additional information I have now. I know a lying is an essential ingredient of cheating, and I am only anticipating catching her red-handed on a matter of faithfulness, and that's it.

For those who say some some comments here are from people making out to be victims and not confessing their own shortcomings, I say with a sense of seriousness, DON'T JUDGE. And I sincerely pray you don't find yourself in these types of circumstances. As for me though, I have become more irritable and tend to over-react at times. For example, I have reacted physically, though regrettably, on two separate occasions in the early days of my discoveries, but now I'm not as shocked anymore and find it easier to keep my cool. Additionally, I don't show as much care as I can, and probably don't regard her with the kind of respect she deserves as my Mrs. The love has diminished. But that's what happens when trust flies out of the window.

What I've written above does not do the situation justice as it's not possible to capture everything in a few paragraphs, but overall I have not been genuinely happy for months and want out for sure.

Please note that I am not looking for sympathy or consolation as I know what I've gotten myself into. I'm just sharing so that someone can learn from my experience, and also hoping to read others' experiences as well.
Thanks for sharing. Hope you find your happiness.

3 Likes

Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by lastmessenger: 5:49pm On Feb 12
realtalk19:


guy u can pass without wasting ur time to type rubbish below my post. I can never be intimidated by your negative life.u ar way too small for my God.i already have successful way out and move on which supersedes your negative ability. stop hurting urself with sadness and pain. u relly need JESUS
read the Bible well. You will probably change your mind
Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by cococandy(f): 5:59pm On Feb 12
This sounds like one of those situations where a woman would be accused of seeking divorce over flimsy issues if the poster was a woman.

Seems like you already made up your mind. Making sure you don’t leave any room for reconciliation. (In your own words)

tizan:
Mine is a bit different. It's about how my marriage is going to end. As negative as it may sound, I currently feel I will have to bring and end to this marriage in order to be happy.

The problems:
Keeping secrets and telling lies about everything from past relationships to whether she had dinner. Once visited a male friend without my knowledge. Still passing off an ex as a family friend, and keeping that relationship (platonic or not) going till today. Just to name a few.

And it's not just about ex's. The lies and deceit from her are at a level I never imagined I would have a personal experience of, and with marriage I have realized; unfortunately for me, that it runs in their family. For example, I found out after marriage that the house she took me to meet her parents is not their house. And everyone in their family played along.

My curiosity was aroused when I noticed her deleting chats from her phone about two days after the wedding but it faded in the excitement of that period. I was intrigued further when I observed another red flag phone conversation after two weeks while still adjusting to the new status, and then I knew something was not right. So I decided to investigate some of my concerns and the stuff I have found make my heart sink. I realize I am being betrayed repeatedly and now have virtually lost trust in her words, actions and intentions.

Let me add that I never expected an angel, we're human and are all liable to lie and stuff like that, but with her its like a deep rooted problem and I find that I can't deal with it. I'm too open and straight-forward to be matched up with a pathological liar.

I have confronted her on some of the lesser lies (e.g she lied about her salary on a job she got through my network, lied that she didn't do MMM whereas she did twice, lies to maintain her previous lies, and just lying even when it's unnecessary). I have had to be playing the fool just to get enough information to confront her with when the time comes. Because I don't want to bring up a situation that will leave room for any family members and their expected begging, or reconciliation.

I am glad now that I did not question her immediately. Now that I know her much more from living together, I realize she would have just told more lies to cover up and blocked my means of finding out once she found out my method of getting info, and I wouldn't have gotten all the additional information I have now. I know a lying is an essential ingredient of cheating, and I am only anticipating catching her red-handed on a matter of faithfulness, and that's it.

For those who say some comments here are from people making out to be victims and not confessing their own shortcomings, I say with a sense of seriousness, DON'T JUDGE. And I sincerely pray you don't find yourself in these types of circumstances. As for me though, I have become more irritable and tend to over-react at times. For example, I have reacted physically, though regrettably, on two separate occasions in the early days of my discoveries, but now I'm not as shocked anymore and find it easier to keep my cool. Additionally, I don't show as much care as I can, and probably don't regard her with the kind of respect she deserves as my Mrs. The love has diminished. But that's what happens when trust flies out of the window.

What I've written above does not do the situation justice as it's not possible to capture everything in a few paragraphs, but overall I have not been genuinely happy for months and want out for sure.

Please note that I am not looking for sympathy or consolation as I know what I've gotten myself into. I'm just sharing so that someone can learn from my experience, and also hoping to read others' experiences as well.

5 Likes

Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by tizan: 6:06pm On Feb 12
oyetpel:
@tizan thanks for sharing, no one is judging tho.

Concerning what the op asked that did you see any red flag or any regrets.

I see you are still in the marriage, but why didn't you stop the relationship when you spotted some red flags, like lying about that house being her family's own, etc.

Would you say you were blinded by love? Or you have invested in the relationship that to back out was not possible?

All the instances mentioned above were discovered post-wedding, apart from the MMM thing.

The lies weren't so much during the dating phase, though now with hindsight I think I was probably too open and honest to notice. A bit showed up while we were making the wedding arrangements and they were related to the wedding. And when I raised concerns it was attributed to a girl's typical desire and excitement for her wedding. I should add that we attended the same church, and I lowered my standards a bit thinking "no-one is perfect, afterall I tell a few lies too".

I couldn't have realized that it was a chronic case.

4 Likes 1 Share

Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by tizan: 6:16pm On Feb 12
cococandy:
This sounds like one of those situations where a woman would be accused of seeking divorce over flimsy issues if the poster was a woman.

Seems like you already made up your mind. Making sure you don’t leave any room for reconciliation. (In your own words)


I respect your opinion but as for me, I don't think lying to me while looking into my eyes, and then lying to maintain the lie (for months) is a flimsy issue in a marriage. I also don't think collecting money from your ex on more than one occasion when married is a trivial issue to raise. Neither do I think your ex dropping you off at your husband's house is a flimsy issue in a marriage. I can go on.

13 Likes 1 Share

Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by cococandy(f): 6:33pm On Feb 12
I don’t think it’s flimsy either.

I also don’t think that alone is reason enough for divorce (except more facts come to light).

What I think is that it’s reason enough for open discussion (confront with the truth instead of playing the long game), counseling, other interventions and then divorce if no solution can be reached.

But it’s your life and your decision.
tizan:


I respect your opinion but as for me, I don't think lying to me while looking into my eyes, and then lying to maintain the lie (for months) is a flimsy issue in a marriage. I also don't think collecting money from your ex on more than one occasion when married is a trivial issue to raise. Neither do I think your ex dropping you off at your husband's house is a flimsy issue in a marriage. I can go on.

2 Likes

Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by zeb04(f): 6:50pm On Feb 12
If you are physically violent towards your partner, it invalidates all your accusations and that is why I applaud people who just leave.

Cheating is bad but not a criminal offense. But physical violence? You can loose everything. Your job, your reputation, you will also be arrested if your partner knows his or her right.


You can say your wife is a cheat, a liar and all but if you have laid your hands on her, forget it.

7 Likes

Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by fastseo: 8:00pm On Feb 12
GREATESTPIANIST:
I envision a blissful marriage Sir, I said envision, implying that even when there are storms , i still keep envisioning a good marriage, it's mindset, who is perfect you just ranting and ranting like am some angel, I have gone through storms sir, but I keep thinking victory no matter what, I never said everything will be smooth, we ain't perfect beings............don't misquote me Biko, carry your theories elsewhere, it will work well for me I repeat, whether you like it or not Sir....... Of course we ain't perfect, I am not perfect and I do not intend to marry an angel, it's a simple mindset ooooooo , leave me and mindset alone oooooooo!!!!!!!! this my mindset, thanks .... and why referring to a man of God whose marriage crashed, what's your business with that, is it your marriage? If it crashed why making fuss about it? Forget him and run your own race, and look unto Jesus the author of our faith......You guys would always refers to pastors just to rubbish them cus they made some mistakes, please it's mindset, run ur race......good morning

I know I hit you very hard... See the way you are fuming just because I opposed your view and finally you now acknowledge that it's not all heaven on earth and there might be storm tongue grin honesty if your type see marital issues you will do times 10 more than what was written here. I pray it shall not be ur portion.
I know who u are quoting that was why I mentioned and brought up his marital issues.

Even Jesus didn't meet bread and butter on earth that was why he warned his disciples about betrayal, this betrayal shall not come from ur village people, or your enemies but from the very ones that loves us

But most churches will teach you that life is all tea and bread

Mark 13:12 Now the brother shall betray the brother to death, and the father the son; and children shall rise up against their parents, and shall cause them to be put to death

Kpele

1 Like

Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by realtalk19(f): 8:03pm On Feb 12
lastmessenger:
read the Bible well. You will probably change your mind

since you know the Bible so well I guess you read your own upside down since you missed the part where it was written that you shuld remove the speck from your own eyes before removing from another person's eye.

I suggest u swallow your ignorance and toxic mindset and mind your business. Evey one is entitled to his or her opinion.

peace!

12 Likes 1 Share

Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by fastseo: 8:26pm On Feb 12
zeb04:
If you are physically violent towards your partner, it invalidates all your accusations and that is why I applaud people who just leave.

Cheating is bad but not a criminal offense. But physical violence? You can loose everything. Your job, your reputation, you will also be arrested if your partner knows his or her right.


You can say your wife is a cheat, a liar and all but if you have laid your hands on her, forget it.

grin you be man go sleep with another man's wife and you go know say na criminal offense

8 Likes

Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by Erums(m): 9:01pm On Feb 12
hotspec:
Wife's parent are d one controlling her. after several attempts to severe her relationship with them was unsuccessful. divorce was successful. shez back with her parents now, and she's d one doing d cooking and washing for them.

She nevr saw that coming
Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by hotspec(m): 9:49pm On Feb 12
Erums:


She nevr saw that coming
for good 3 years I warned her. I only owe her 6k pernmonth to take care of d 2 children as court ruled
Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by cococandy(f): 10:01pm On Feb 12
In your mind 6k a month is good enough for your two children?

You call yourself a father?
hotspec:
for good 3 years I warned her. I only owe her 6k pernmonth to take care of d 2 children as court ruled

20 Likes 1 Share

Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by cococandy(f): 10:02pm On Feb 12
You tried to severe someone’s relationship with her parents? And you have over 100 likes for that?

You’re an awful person.
She’s better off without you. .

hotspec:
Wife's parent are d one controlling her. after several attempts to severe her relationship with them was unsuccessful. divorce was successful. shez back with her parents now, and she's d one doing d cooking and washing for them.

15 Likes 3 Shares

Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by clumsydyna: 10:11pm On Feb 12
Quarterbac:



Lol, seriously? I would understand if it was a guy, but a girl that doesn't get angry every once in a while? I don't know, I probably would run too

Fortunately for me, the wife of my cousin is like that and the guy is very domineering, she dare not even get angry at anything, she is a very cool and gentle lady, talks calmly and I have never seen her angry for like 10 years since I knew her. Trust me, if my dada unlocks itself I will say whatever comes to my mouth then without fear or favour.

1 Like 1 Share

Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by hotspec(m): 10:36pm On Feb 12
cococandy:
You tried to severe someone’s relationship with her parents? And you have over 100 likes for that?

You’re an awful person.
She’s better off without you. .

Yes I am. and yes she is better off... But I live in South west Nigeria, and I believe if ure truly married and have ever faced any challenge from ur in laws, u will understand me. Dt story I summarised in 3 lines, if I should give u d full gist, it will be up to 500 pages of A4 paper, front and back.

did I mention my inlaws (I mean her father and mother came to beat me one night) just because we were having issues and she called them (we live in d same town). dt day she left home since 9am and came back around to 9 in d night, without telling where she was going to since dt morning. so I told her to go back to where she was coming from.

that was it, d next thing was to called her parents who came to pack her things. her father broke my door with his leg. and started beating me.


it was in my house one day dt her mother told her that she's too dull and dt is why I'm dictating to her. dt if it's her Elder sister (who is also now a single mother) she would have locked d husband, tear her cloth and beat him. since dt day, any little misunderstanding, she will pounce on me, tear my cloth and neat me. I can show u pictures of tore cloths. twice I've been to police station to report her.


madam, I can drop my digits for anyone who cares to listen to d full gist. my story is verifiable. I have loads of evidence to support my claims.

11 Likes

Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by hotspec(m): 10:39pm On Feb 12
BiafraBushBoy:
I think one of the ways of getting over a failed marriage is to heap the blames on the head of your partner.

Morally, it isn't right; but that is the only way to get over the feeling of divorce.

I am gonna get married very soon, and NOTHING will ever lead me to divorce.

I rather play the fool in my marriage than watch it crash.

What happens to my kids?

Personal opinion tho.
pray u don't encounter any marital problem, u will run for ur life and forget d children. look well and don't fall into d hand of a pretender. don't say it's easy to identify them unless u can identify d difference btw a mushroom and a toadstooll

7 Likes

Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by zeb04(f): 11:01pm On Feb 12
hotspec:
pray u don't encounter any marital problem, u will run for ur life and forget d children. look well and don't fall into d hand of a pretender. don't say it's easy to identify them unless u can identify d difference btw a mushroom and a toadstooll
You are a deadbeat father. To think you want to forget your children because you have problem with their mother.

You don’t have integrity.

5 Likes 1 Share

Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by cococandy(f): 11:04pm On Feb 12
Okay that’s messed. Very unconscionable behavior from her and her parents.

You’re better off divorced from her.

All the same 6k for your two kids is poor. Even if that’s what the court ordered, you should used your church mind. Don’t punish the kids for their mom’s behavior

hotspec:
Yes I am. and yes she is better off... But I live in South west Nigeria, and I believe if ure truly married and have ever faced any challenge from ur in laws, u will understand me. Dt story I summarised in 3 lines, if I should give u d full gist, it will be up to 500 pages of A4 paper, front and back.

did I mention my inlaws (I mean her father and mother came to beat me one night) just because we were having issues and she called them (we live in d same town). dt day she left home since 9am and came back around to 9 in d night, without telling where she was going to since dt morning. so I told her to go back to where she was coming from.

that was it, d next thing was to called her parents who came to pack her things. her father broke my door with his leg. and started beating me.


it was in my house one day dt her mother told her that she's too dull and dt is why I'm dictating to her. dt if it's her Elder sister (who is also now a single mother) she would have locked d husband, tear her cloth and beat him. since dt day, any little misunderstanding, she will pounce on me, tear my cloth and neat me. I can show u pictures of tore cloths. twice I've been to police station to report her.


madam, I can drop my digits for anyone who cares to listen to d full gist. my story is verifiable. I have loads of evidence to support my claims.

11 Likes

Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by Quarterbac: 11:19pm On Feb 12
clumsydyna:


Fortunately for me, the wife of my cousin is like that and the guy is very domineering, she dare not even get angry at anything, she is a very cool and gentle lady, talks calmly and I have never seen her angry for like 10 years since I knew her. Trust me, if my dada unlocks itself I will say whatever comes to my mouth then without fear or favour.

I don't know anyone like that, but i believe we all have the amount of poo we can take. Each person to his/her own cup size. I'm from Edo state, that alone should tell you a lot, our women are not the type to step aside for you to walk thru. Maybe having a very calm lady is a good thing, but when it's a guy, it's a whole new thing entirely.

2 Likes

Re: How Did Your Marriage End? Any Regrets? by Martinez39: 11:22pm On Feb 12
cococandy:
Okay that’s messed. Very unconscionable behavior from her and her parents.

You’re better off divorced from her.

All the same 6k for your two kids is poor. Even if that’s what the court ordered, you should used your church mind. Don’t punish the kids for their mom’s behavior

What if that's what he can afford? The mother too can also go and work?

6 Likes

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