₦airaland Forum

JustBeing:
Go on quora where practicing and certified psychologists, therapists and personality experts have an ongoing conversation on NPD. Read up on narssicists and narsiccitic relationships and you'll see they don't follow a set particular/behavioural pattern.

A narcissist will be anything he wants to be including remorseful, but the only clear pattern is they must put themselves first, at the expense of others...that's the only constant with them.

Your ideals to see the good in evil people is why good people get ensnared in the traps of people with the dark traid personality. Quit leading people on with such beliefs. Again go on quora, psychology.com plus other sites with loads on the dark traid personality and the first advise you read or hear is run! Where you're looking for the good sides, they're working their evil magic on you. Because, that your there is good and evil in everyone na fallacy, some people are just pure evil and every good you see is projected. Their ability to manipulate, mirror, charm is the good you and others see in them.

About being their victim, you're most likely to fall in that trap believing all people can be good and bad. I know better and knowing better means knowing some people have no good in them. Go and read accounts by peeps with diagnosed NPD. Read how evil and calculating a human mind can be. Read how sick in the head a person can be. Read how life is only about them.

A good person will not think about setting up a girl to break up with her, a girl he described as kind and supportive. Don't get me wrong, I'm all up for breaking up that relationship, it's doomed apparently.

Nobody here said anything about loving unconditionally. Married people too fall out of love. Nobody should marry someone they do not love but at what point did he discover he stopped loving her? I cant imagine he was with her for 5 years and it's just now he realised he doesn't love her. He should tell us the full story, did he meet someone new? Did he recently realise she's got flaws he may be fixated on? The OP is sneaky, there's more to it. Apparently he's a playboy from his other post or this story we're dragging back and forth na tales by moon light.

I'm done here jare, thank God I had this conversation with someone civil as i hate engaging in nairaland discussions to avoid insults. Have a nice day friend.

Welcomme:
Op, let me give u a revelation. If you dare leave that girl, you will die on the day you are marrying another girl. Be warned! Oloriburuku somebody. You no go die well bro if u try that nonsense.

emkz:
Oga when you date a girl too long, you experience relationship fatigue and feel you want to opt out or cheat. I for one would marry within 15 months of dating before fatigue sets in.

At what point did you realize you did not love her? If it was from the get go, you shouldnt have accepted help from her and her family. Since this is the case, you simply have no right to break up with her. Let her be the one to break up with you if there must be a break up. Now if you really insist on breaking up, you must resign from the job they got you and pay them back for everything they did for you including the emotional investment by the girl. When you realize that some things cannot be monetized, then for your peace of mind, you can rekindle the love for that girl. If you have slept with her as I am sure you have, you are tied to her metaphysically and any curse she places on you would sadly come to pass.

Bros, if you relocate and switch them off, you acquire the reputation of a user. You may not have peace and I can tell you that all the money in the world cannot pay for peace. DO what is right and treat that girl right. If the relationship is not meant to be, let nature handle the breakup, but never instigate it.

raphretle:
I have dated this lady for 5 years now, we are still dating.. we met during our undergraduate days, she has been a good person to me, very kind and supportive..
Here is the problem : All her family members know me.. Infact am like a son to them cause they do call on me for errands that need quick response, Infact her uncles(her dad is late n her mum got married) trust me wt money than her brothers ..Cuz she stays with her uncle..

After my NYSC, her uncle helped me secure a job with the highest academic Institution in Nigeria (NIPSS) ... Now they expect me to marry their daughter but to be frank I don't love the lady... I don't know how to just make her go away. I just want to avoid been controlled by her family, ... I tried to set her up so I could have something to hold on for the breakup to avoid her family's anger and any form of guilt.. but I end up pitying her and forgive her instead... I know they tried for me,i owe them alot..But how to get rid of her in an honorable way is what I don't know.....
You can call it wickedness if you like,but just give me the advice I need..
Ladies and Gentlemen Help a brother...

raphretle:
I have dated this lady for 5 years now, we are still dating.. we met during our undergraduate days, she has been a good person to me, very kind and supportive..
Here is the problem : All her family members know me.. Infact am like a son to them cause they do call on me for errands that need quick response, Infact her uncles(her dad is late n her mum got married) trust me wt money than her brothers ..Cuz she stays with her uncle..

After my NYSC, her uncle helped me secure a job with the highest academic Institution in Nigeria (NIPSS) ... Now they expect me to marry their daughter but to be frank I don't love the lady... I don't know how to just make her go away. I just want to avoid been controlled by her family, ... I tried to set her up so I could have something to hold on for the breakup to avoid her family's anger and any form of guilt.. but I end up pitying her and forgive her instead... I know they tried for me,i owe them alot..But how to get rid of her in an honorable way is what I don't know.....
You can call it wickedness if you like,but just give me the advice I need..
Ladies and Gentlemen Help a brother...

deltateam:
Calling you wicked is a compliment. You are devilish. You held a girl down for 5 years dating her without love? Why were you dating her then. If she wasn't your type, 2 years was enough to have known and told her.

You manipulated both her and her family. You didn't stop there, you also set her up and made her commit sin.

Devil has a special place in HELL for you as Master of ceremony.

Actuarydeji:
You're an ingrate! When you're showing wrong feelings for their daughter, they thought their daughter has seen a responsible guy and that's why they invested on you. Men usually depicts their real character once they have good source of income. Malu like you, you better marry her now before Sango fire you

daddytime:
Okay young man I'm that Uncle you thought was old school and couldn't be on a forum like this...

Now listen up and listen up real good..

How about we start off by you first returning the job I helped you with including every penny of salaries and allowances till date before we now proceed to the second most important of all and that is...

Get a calculator and start calculating the number of times you bleeped my dear niece...include the times you came and never did. When you have a figure I'll tell you what amount to multiply it by...

So you think you would use us all and sell my niece a dummy hope. ..you must be joking my friend...

You two die here....

generationz:
can you do business?
why don't you search for a better job or start a business.

When this is settled and you have full financial independence from her family you Can give the relationship a few months break. Not necessarily to break up with her but just reduce the calls and focus on your new job.

That way if you truely have love somewhere in your heart for the girl , it will be rekindled. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

If you marry her still serving her family YOU WILL CHEAT ON HER . You might even begin to despise her. Not because she reminds you of what she has done but because everyones body language expects you to be grateful

I don't think you are a bad person like everyone says. You have been honest so far in your story and you felt remorse when you set her up.

I also think you have falling in love with another woman. Which is OK. since you aren't married to this lady yet.

Let me tell you something op, don't mind this men on nairalanders coursing you. Most are hypocrites . Everyday, we hear girls crying of how they were there for their boyfriend and when he became rich he dumped them Tell me , are those boyfriends ghosts? not at all . The same men cursing you are guilty. Many cheat on their wives too.



The only thing I'll advice you not to do is waste the babes time

Marrying her out of guilt is a no no.
Both of you will regret it. Your kids too will suffer for it.

raphretle:
That's too Harsh man... there are many out there who deserve such, not for a minor issue as this..

bigpicture001:
God will not fail to punish u for what u are about to do to that girl...du u think the uncle doesnt hv any other option of someone he myt want to help...?

See ur stupid mouth like " forgave her"... for what..? Is dia any quarrel..?

People like u makes ladies to be vety mean and inconsiderate.....

Fool!

Preshy561:
Lifeless man.
You will soon lose that job and go back to square one.
Ungrateful gold digger, you have seen a lady outside and you think the one you have isn't slaying enough for you.

I will continue to say this, don't ever date a broke guy, you don't know what they will become once they start seeing money.
Then, trying to help him financially is the worst mistake you will ever make Because, when the money starts coming, you will look outdated to him and he will then think that he needs slay queens in his life.
This is one of the reasons some of you will forever die poor, especially the gold digging idiots supporting him.


Ndi eriri eri.

UniQue84:
, I have been carefully following most of your comments and like someone said why so much hatred in your heart, why are you so bitter, indeed you really need JESUS cos in no distance time this thing will consume you mark my words. Everyday of your life you can't rest cos of broke guys as if they choose the family background they came from or they purposely choose poverty, men are sizes but life is in phases, many have triumphed over poverty and today they are well to do cos God is the giver of wealth ..I pity u woman, I pity u, I mean I pity your existence and I feel sorry for man who is going wife u, your reason is poor, infact apart from being a broke girl you are suffering mental poverty, and it may suffice you to know that this type of skewed reason is common among the poor ones in the society, I have seen rich babes.

The scenario will are dealing with here is a common case in naija and we all know the individuals who are major culprits of this act, i particularly dont support the op but this is common more to the women folks but cos u can't see beyond your nose and reason properly cos of bitterness you choose to display your foolishness always in public. So it is only good to take a broke girl and brush her up but a big NO for guyz.

You are woman and you are not getting any younger is high time you start your using your head (that is if you have one as it is) to reason properly so that desperation and love for money will not be your undoing and had I known and bitting of the finger will not be far from you .


A word is enough for the wise.

I have marked this moniker and I will always have your time...come on get out and go get a life.

raphretle:
Have mercy on her please...

Davash222:
Obviously, you used the girl as a ladder to get to where you are today.

What are the things that are stopping you from loving her?? You can always help her to become the woman of your dream.

No one is perfect or complete. It rains everywhere.

Be wise.

Preshy561:
Lifeless man.
You will soon lose that job and go back to square one.
Ungrateful gold digger, you have seen a lady outside and you think the one you have isn't slaying enough for you.

I will continue to say this, don't ever date a broke guy, you don't know what they will become once they start seeing money.
Then, trying to help him financially is the worst mistake you will ever make Because, when the money starts coming, you will look outdated to him and he will then think that he needs slay queens in his life.
This is one of the reasons some of you will forever die poor, especially the gold digging idiots supporting him.


My dear,its so sad and I pity the young lady who unknown to her has been involved with an ingrate and a first class gold digger. This is one of the reasons some ladies behave wild to men, especially the broke ass because they end up blaming you for lifting them out of poverty.

Ndi eriri eri.

Belafonte:
You sound silly. Someone who had been there for you and has pulled strings for you to be a man an hin you wan leave, not because she has any faults but because you "don't love her". Not only are you an ingrate, you are foolish to boot.

Mister, love is a scam. The woman who you want to love, will she love you back? The love this one has for you is undisputed but you are looking for something that isn't lost.

This woman has shown you she can be a good wife to you and want to throw it away because "you don't love her"? Let me tell you, that feeling of love or are looking for doesn't last more than two years, three years Max and you're back to seeing her as normal. The divorcees in town tidy were once madly in love with their exes. Some could even kill those same exes if they find them alone in an obscure corner.

Use your brain and grab your blessing with both hands and secure you future. Wife no dey outside again.

And no, her family cannot control you if you do not let them. Stop being a pússy and a lick spittle and handle your affairs like a man. Firmly, but politely. They will come to respect you for it.

Do not be unfortunate, you fûcktard

raphretle:
I have dated this lady for 5 years now, we are still dating.. we met during our undergraduate days, she has been a good person to me, very kind and supportive..
Here is the problem : All her family members know me.. Infact am like a son to them cause they do call on me for errands that need quick response, Infact her uncles(her dad is late n her mum got married) trust me wt money than her brothers ..Cuz she stays with her uncle..

After my NYSC, her uncle helped me secure a job with the highest academic Institution in Nigeria (NIPSS) ... Now they expect me to marry their daughter but to be frank I don't love the lady... I don't know how to just make her go away. I just want to avoid been controlled by her family, ... I tried to set her up so I could have something to hold on for the breakup to avoid her family's anger and any form of guilt.. but I end up pitying her and forgive her instead... I know they tried for me,i owe them alot..But how to get rid of her in an honorable way is what I don't know.....
You can call it wickedness if you like,but just give me the advice I need..
Ladies and Gentlemen Help a brother...

Biglittlelois:
I pray never to meet someone like you in Jesus' name, amen.

raphretle:
I have dated this lady for 5 years now, we are still dating.. we met during our undergraduate days, she has been a good person to me, very kind and supportive..
Here is the problem : All her family members know me.. Infact am like a son to them cause they do call on me for errands that need quick response, Infact her uncles(her dad is late n her mum got married) trust me wt money than her brothers ..Cuz she stays with her uncle..

After my NYSC, her uncle helped me secure a job with the highest academic Institution in Nigeria (NIPSS) ... Now they expect me to marry their daughter but to be frank I don't love the lady... I don't know how to just make her go away. I just want to avoid been controlled by her family, ... I tried to set her up so I could have something to hold on for the breakup to avoid her family's anger and any form of guilt.. but I end up pitying her and forgive her instead... I know they tried for me,i owe them alot..But how to get rid of her in an honorable way is what I don't know.....
You can call it wickedness if you like,but just give me the advice I need..
Ladies and Gentlemen Help a brother...

raphretle:
I have dated this lady for 5 years now, we are still dating.. we met during our undergraduate days, she has been a good person to me, very kind and supportive..
Here is the problem : All her family members know me.. Infact am like a son to them cause they do call on me for errands that need quick response, Infact her uncles(her dad is late n her mum got married) trust me wt money than her brothers ..Cuz she stays with her uncle..

After my NYSC, her uncle helped me secure a job with the highest academic Institution in Nigeria (NIPSS) ... Now they expect me to marry their daughter but to be frank I don't love the lady... I don't know how to just make her go away. I just want to avoid been controlled by her family, ... I tried to set her up so I could have something to hold on for the breakup to avoid her family's anger and any form of guilt.. but I end up pitying her and forgive her instead... I know they tried for me,i owe them alot..But how to get rid of her in an honorable way is what I don't know.....
You can call it wickedness if you like,but just give me the advice I need..
Ladies and Gentlemen Help a brother...