NwaAmichi:
return as collected. she has overstayed her welcome. She'll only end up bringing enmity between you and her parents.

Are you really nwaamichi?

lacapine:
I have a 17 years old maid who would be 18 in June. She came when she was 12 and she is like family now. She is in SS1. My problem is her issues with boys. Always keeping boyfriends of which I discourage her big time. Had to ask her why she keeps them, she said because her classmates/ friends have boyfriends.

I have screamed and threatened but she will still keep. What am I doing wrong? Should I allow her just keep them? I teach her sex education though but she says she isn't sexually active. Today, I saw the picture she and the guy posted on facebook holding each other. I lost it today. I flogged and punished her. I'm I being too hard? How do I help her? We wanted to help her till university days but with these, we are scared and reconsidering sending her back after ss3.

How best do I handle this situation.

Be careful cos the kind of boldness she is showing. It could mean maybe someone under ur roof had given her d audacity. Hope someone under ur roof didn't have an affair with her? these housemaids usually display dis kind of boldness when they have tasted d forbidden fruit

Topnotch1402:
just try to have another heart to heart discussion again and try to involve her parents and even your pastor if you're christians and above all pray about no mountain is unsurmountable with God..I believe she will change if you apply the above measure.. good luck dear

Whrn gbege go start her parents no go remember the heart to heart discussion they had o. Op many people don tell you, send her packing immediately!!!!!

At this age, getting a bf, having sex is the in thing. All your advise go enter one ear come out for the other ear. I was her age once and in school i know one wey do aborttion 6times for a particular guy, at the 7 time, she die!!!! Many girls ruin their lives way before it started.

TheGiftedOne:



Just kindly return as collected. Her parents sent you one person, don't return 2 or even three. You're not multiplication table.

Abi o

linasparkle:
Are you really nwaamichi?

full blooded

ireneidiva:

Stop flogging someone's child. If you can no longer handle her, send her back to her parents. Beating her is just wicked. Injure her and it becomes a police case.

Someone else's child living under your roof as a maid or on holiday should be flogged with cane appropriately or given some sort of punishment if deserving. Abuse should be avoided though. Let's not spoil Africa with some dumb western practices.

UjuJoan2:
I don't subscribe to flogging an 18 year old. If you can no longer control her then send her home.

For me just one thing is important here? Is she still useful to you? Does she still render required services? If yes, then just ignore her. Stop paying too much attention to her social life. But don't miss any opportunity to define to her that if she gets pregnant she will be sent back to her parents ASAP. Just so she is sure of the implications of her actions.

Then you need to inform her parents of what she is doing and the efforts you have made to stop her, and her continuous flouting of rules. Also let them know that you have decided to stop talking about her waywardness since they keep falling on deaf ears, and lastly let them know your plan of returning her if she gets pregnant.. Just so they can start preparing their minds.

Don't give yourself high BP. The fact that you are not her mother already makes you the enemy. She will not believe you mean well for her, rather her adventurous mind will interprete your concerns as a way of preventing her from having fun. At this point, there is not much you can do to change that. She will come to the realization on her own when she is ready

Just let her be!

To send her back to her parents will be better if you ask me. The truth is this, there is high tendency of her getting pregnant since she is keeping a boyfriend at that tender​ age and out of fear of the threat she got from her employer, she might opt for an abortion which could cause her her life.

paulibling:
I will not insult you madam holding brief for her when comments of sending her home arises but I will open your eyes small. What if she gets pregnant and you then decide to send a pregnant girl back to her parents against unpregnant daughter they gave you and when she gets home and tell her parents that you and your husband were using her for sex trade occasionally without condoms which resulted to her state. How would you convince a judge that you and your husband did not trade her for money.
You better refuse your village people from dragging your name in the mud cos your story will come to this same nairaliand and the peeps here will call your side of story a cheap lie from pit of hell.
Be warned!

You are wise.
No matter how Good You were to her,You will see the other side of the parents when You bbring someone preggy home for them.

lacapine:
. Even my biological child, I flog. She doesn't see herself as an outsider and we have such a good relationship. If we didn't, she wouldn't have stayed 6 years and refusing to go. Mind you, she travels home.once in a while and comes back on her own accord. She understands the reason why she is being flogged and this morning, I sat her down and was talking to her again even though I was tired of talking.

Send her back to her parents.

sisisioge:


She's in SS1, Neco is until SS2 or SS3 fa.

Take her back to her parents house and have a heart to heart talk with her and them. After that let her be. If she get belle na her own wahala. Also go and meet the boy's father and mother peacefully. Do not make a scene. Tell them that you think your ward and their child are sexually active. That you come to explain to him the results of unprotected sex and the repercussions. After that I believe you don do your part. I ask myself if it was my child what would I do?

Ezyp:

Are you the maid....take it or leave it at 18 one is still under the authority of their parents/guardians. So if the guardian says other wise the maid has to obey.

And so? That doesn't mean it's wrong to have a boyfriend. Weren't you 18 once? That is perfectly normal

1Sharon:



And so? That doesn't mean it's wrong to have a boyfriend. Weren't you 18 once? That is perfectly normal

Madam I never said there is anything wrong in having a boyfriend even at 16. But the maid is under an authority of a guardian who will do anything to avoid story that touch.

Your maid like one of my sisters is just a bad pikin... They act like they're been controlled by a bad (evil) force (spirit). I don't have problem with stubborn children but evil controlled without conscience ones. They don't take advice, threats and examples of their bad examples. You'll just want to beat them to your full but that doesn't help too. My sister had come face to face with death yet hardly has she changed. At least her way of life is yet cost you or make you answer to questions you know nothing about.

My advice:
She doesn't deserve your help again unless you can genuinely love her like your own baby. She's also very ripe for plucking. So before she becomes a full blown liability, send her back to her people. Or you can decide to test run it for a while; send her home and cut her off meantime. If there's no noticeable change and remorse, make it permanent.

Get another 11-13 year old that you can manage and shower with same love.

Nevertheless, my advice is useless if you feel even with her misdemeanor, she's still very helpful and useful to you. To that end, carry her as your cross (like your own child).

Lols. Sha,don't beat her to avoid police issue.

well no one will notice a week pregnancy

VeeVeeMyLuv:
what if she does the do within that period and get pregnant?

the girl remind me of Nigeria as a country, her leaders and her problems.

Yours is even good. My cousin has been a pain in the ass. Even brought a boy into our house and Bleep.

lacapine:
. Noted. Only that she doesn't want to go back. I still dey watch.

Eze2000:


Listen, I will be brief and my words will be hard to swallow because it is the truth based on experience.


1 When the head of the family makes the mistake of sleeping with the maid "even once" she starts to misbehave to the wife and sometimes even the man as well. That child has been with you since she was 12 and I'm willing to bet that all this boyfriend thing means she is quite attractive in some way. The probability your hubby has slept with her before is high.

Why?

Your hubby, as the head of the house, is supposed to inspire fear and respect from the girl. She can branch when you send her on an errand but should never branch when her oga does the same. it is not normal at all. Another thing is that "Incident of an affrontery" you mentioned. I strongly believe that's proof of a sexual relationship between the girl and your husband staring you in the eyes. The girl no longer cares about what he can or will do. It's how all young girls behave once you tamper with them sexually in an illegal way. Ask any man with experience.

The girls will keep the secret, yes, but they will disobey and insult that man in the worst kind of way. And because the man can never allow the truth to come to light, he will be powerless to do a thing.


Note: In most of the cases *(not all), I have come across where teenage girls suddenly go out of control with boys, an older man they don't like must have tempered with them sexually before.


2. If you want to send the girl back home, which is the right thing to do unless you want her pregnant under your roof, never tell ber of your impending action until the day you make the move.

Take her on a fake trip that ends up in her home and you are done. Best ploy, to help out in a friends marriage. Don't ask her to park, you can send that later or just drop money with her parent to replace the clothes. Just tell her to pick a few things. If your husband or nephew agrees to help and can be trusted. Buy a new bag that can swallow all her belonging in 2 minutes and have it ready *(a huge ghana must go bag is best, but add a paddlock to it). Once you and the girl get on the move. While in the car or out front in the house. Your nephew or husband will do her packing in 2 minutes flat and produce the bag as part of your luggage.


That's it.

Until that girl runs away when you tell her to get ready for deportation and her parentts start to harrass you for their daughter, you will not know how priceless a trick this is.

What you wrote is not correct.I believe you have never encountered girls like this that's why it's easy for you to generalise. As the man of the house I have never molested the one staying with us,someone I know questioned if I had slept with her before when my wife called last week to report her.By nature I don't inspire fear in anyone same with my wife too.
Let me share two of many incidents that indicated she is probably beyond redemption;She was caught red-handed with a boy of 20 sometimes ago and denied the boy slept with her in the presence of police when we got to the police station.The recent one of two years ago was when One of the teachers of her former school saw her with another girl coming out of hotel and questioned their mission there,she said they visited her uncle lodging there that just came back from overseas. Girls that act this way are just naturally bad,it's not because they are undergoing an adolescent phase,they just want to be free without any adult supervision.

lacapine:
I have a 17 years old maid who would be 18 in June. She came when she was 12 and she is like family now. She is in SS1. My problem is her issues with boys. Always keeping boyfriends of which I discourage her big time. Had to ask her why she keeps them, she said because her classmates/ friends have boyfriends.

I have screamed and threatened but she will still keep. What am I doing wrong? Should I allow her just keep them? I teach her sex education though but she says she isn't sexually active. Today, I saw the picture she and the guy posted on facebook holding each other. I lost it today. I flogged and punished her. I'm I being too hard? How do I help her? We wanted to help her till university days but with these, we are scared and reconsidering sending her back after ss3.

How best do I handle this situation.

similar to the one in my area.. precious from akwa ibom.

fastseo:
Just advice her and not because of that send her back.
Not necessarily flogging but advice and prayer and she will be fine.

Sure.

dingbang:
Las las you will soon have a pregnant maid under your own roof.


If she cannot obey you as her employer then she should be sent to live with the boyfriend who she is frolicking with.

hmmmm.

Angel246:
To send her back to her parents will be better if you ask me. The truth is this, there is high tendency of her getting pregnant since she is keeping a boyfriend at that tender​ age and out of fear of the threat she got from her employer, she might opt for an abortion which could cause her her life.

18 is a tender age?? What were you doing at 18?

[quote author=ireneidiva post=77275772]
Stop flogging someone's child. If you can no longer handle her, send her back to her parents. Beating her is just wicked. Injure her and it becomes a police case.[People like you are responsible for the decay of our society, in our time of growing up, neighbors flog us when we do something that is wrong and our parents respect our neighbors view, but in this era of skushi and tramadol they think like western societies, while they decay every minute.]

adanny01:


Jeez, WTF!

When you think towards such, you dont even say it. i guess not everyone has that common sense.

To put you out of your misery, I was married with a kid and live in my own home different from my parents at the time.

Let me oblige you more info. Funny as it sounds, it was my father who discovered her pregnancy (now you will say my father was peeping at her shower time). Out of the blues, when the girl served my parents food, my dad told my mum "Sandra looks pregnant, investigate her". My mum thought it was ridiculous, but mum gave her a container to pee in the next day. The PT test was carried and it was positive.

Now, it was my sister who lived in the same room with her that said this girl only started menstruation just a month ago because she saw blood stained pieces of cloth in her closet.

Our own testimony added to the mystery. Whenever, my 1 yr old son spends the weekend at my parents house, we noticed a behaviour in him that embarassed us severally. My wife was convinced that my boy has been watching people having sex. She swore to find out who but didn't suspect this girl as she clearly wasnt matured for it. We have my sister and 2 female cousins in the house too. When the pregnancy broke out, it did solved the puzzle for us as to who was having sex in front of our boy. S+e was the one always backing him and playing with him. Testimonies have it that she always took him to our neighbors house and the boy who got her pregnant lives there.

Yh whatever bro

I just hate situations where kids aren't living with their parents, girl or BOY.

The fact that she had no female to confide in when she started her 1st period is already a shame and tells me the type of energy in that household.

If she had someone to talk to, she should have been provided with proper sanitary products and not using cloth

So called guardians.

lacapine:
I have a 17 years old maid who would be 18 in June. She came when she was 12 and she is like family now. She is in SS1. My problem is her issues with boys. Always keeping boyfriends of which I discourage her big time. Had to ask her why she keeps them, she said because her classmates/ friends have boyfriends.

I have screamed and threatened but she will still keep. What am I doing wrong? Should I allow her just keep them? I teach her sex education though but she says she isn't sexually active. Today, I saw the picture she and the guy posted on facebook holding each other. I lost it today. I flogged and punished her. I'm I being too hard? How do I help her? We wanted to help her till university days but with these, we are scared and reconsidering sending her back after ss3.

How best do I handle this situation.

please I will advise you to take her back to her parents, before those boys impregnates her, and you know what that means, her family will drag you out in the public.

NwaAmichi:
full blooded

wow! Same here

lacapine:
I would rather send her home. She has been begging that she doesn't want to go. Still watching.

Don't just give her sex education only, take her to a doctor and put her on pills.

Also, teach her about condom, because HIV is real. Recently, I came across a 16 yr old with HIV. But if she fails to listen to you still, the best option is to invite her parents over and talk to her or return her.

ireneidiva:

Stop flogging someone's child. If you can no longer handle her, send her back to her parents. Beating her is just wicked. Injure her and it becomes a police case.

Will you shut up?

linasparkle:
wow! Same here

are you serious? Check your mail

Girls of nowadays. I for one can't place when they get their temerity from. Op, it's not just your maid but most girls out there, I don't know if they are dumb, they believe guys,hol line and sinker. The worst are those that love boys on their own accord. I'm saying this from what I've observed from someone close to me, like a girl asking a guy what he wants with her with the chat implying she is waiting for the guy to tell her he loves her. When a girl of 18/19 gets pregnant, having finished secondary school, will you allow her to abort the pregnancy or give birth?
What you can do to the girl is continue advising her even though it seems the advise is not working, if possible, give her a close-monitor marking, where you know when she is to ovulate/menstruation and all that.
Tell her the negativities in having boyfriends, boys are liars. At that age, we just want a braggiy right, a feeling of how we get to smash a fine girl, tension is all high and we can say anything just to ..... Tell her that is what boys are, they are just trying to use her and would brag about it among themselves when they are having fun together.

Tell her she is too young for it, she will get to a stage where you she will be handed the free rein and so she should be wise about it. Show her cases of girls around you that got pregnant at a young age, does she live the life they are living? Show her the world in a nutshell, be mindful of the kind of clothes she wear, peruse her phone if need be, and in the end, let her know you have an authority above her.

Beat her less, pray for her like a Christian or Muslim, whenever you are around, make sure she is with you. Take her out when you attend weddings, let her see the world through your eyes, censor her sight, when she see the good things like grand weddings, she will wish to have one, when she see guys owning empires, she will start developing a high taste and you won't see her with those useless men but women of virtue but the downside is she will slay.

1Sharon:


Yh whatever bro

I just hate situations where kids aren't living with their parents, girl or BOY.

The fact that she had no female to confide in when she started her 1st period is already a shame and tells me the type of energy in that household.

If she had someone to talk to, she should have been provided with proper sanitary products and not using cloth

So called guardians.

You really have negative energy.

Like she didn't tell anyone that she was fucking a boy next house she didnt tell that she was bleeding. Why do you find fault or criticize my family when you have no idea who we are?

TheGiftedOne:



Just kindly return as collected. Her parents sent you one person, don't return 2 or even three. You're not multiplication table.

Baddest comment

I raise hand for you

[quote author=lacapine post=77288373]. Even my biological child, I flog. She doesn't see herself as an outsider and we have such a good relationship.

Carry her parents along cos she might end up being impregnated and go to the extent of terminating it due to the condition you already spelt out. I am sure you know what that means? And if such gets to the public who are not aware of her moves, they may say you made her do abortion because your husband is responsible. Don't allow the situation get out of hand before you take action oo. You can be supporting her even when she is not under your roof.