Nairaland is not a place for sadistic topics such as this. many countries view it as a crime. Nigeria we know only reforms after donkey years. right call mods. any man raping his wife is a beast. a woman wakes up by 4.30, cooks and baths kids, goes to work/shop, come back to cook wash clean. mr oga does next to nothing. then at 9pm when madam is exhausted you say u want to knack by force . sir you are a bastard and op too needs examination

zeb04:
that thread was a support for rape. There was no room for a debate.

Wrong.

The thread was addressing the subject of 'marital rape'. More accurately, what it did was to eliminate the idea that there was even such a thing as marital rape in the first place based on the premise of marriage.
It was a perfect template for a discussion.

In Nigeria, rape is a crime, marital rape isn't.
What rules were broken?

How do we get it to be recognized as a crime as much as 'rape' is, if we don't talk about it?

ednut1:
Nairaland is not a place for sadistic topics such as this. many countries view it as a crime. Nigeria we know only reformed after donkey years. right call mods. any man raping his wife is a beast. a woman wakes up by 4.30, cooks and baths kids, goes to work/shop, come back to cook wash clean. my oga does next to nothing. then at 9pm when madam is exhausted you say u want to knack by force . sir you are a bastard and op too needs examination

If a woman runs this schedule, is abstaining from sex the solution to her problem?

A very big thank you to the mod that deleted that stupi'd thread

Marital rape

bukatyne:


If a woman runs this schedule, is abstaining from sex the solution to her problem?

no.marital Rape is better. Mtcheeew

crackhaus:

The truly funny thing Buka is something you have not addressed yet.

Nairaland is of Nigerian origins, headquartered in Nigeria, bound by the laws of Nigeria. However emotionally charged your topic was, it didn't deserve to be shut down just for the fact that 'marital rape' is not yet a crime under Nigerian laws. Nairaland and its users are not bound by western laws so it really didn't make sense to quiet the issue, when in fact one can't charge a man to court for raping his wife, at least not yet in Nigeria.
Even you Bukatyne wouldn't have been so bold to post a topic like that on a western board if you knew it was a crime in the country.

I would think that if the moderator and other users who found it offensive really desired change, the best way to do that was to address the topic, have a conversation going, and probably get the publicity it needs to make it a crime in Nigeria.

Crackhaus,

Nairaland is a forum where we ought to discuss all issues and not a Government website.

This was culled from a US Christian forum: https://biblicalgenderroles.com/2018/01/11/it-is-not-a-womans-consent-that-matters-it-is-gods/

There are other such topics there too.

Interestingly, 90% of the people on this thread were not on the prior thread. Some acknowledged that they did not even read it.

If I think that a thread is teaching something wrong enough to be deleted, I will engage the Op.

I will not wait till the thread is deleted and comment.

zeb04:
that thread was a support for rape. There was no room for a debate.

Rape is sex without consent.

The thread was not a support for rape.

If you are against something, be sensitive enough to state it clearly.

zeb04:


O yes I do.

Last week he was tired because he flew 15hours back home, so he could attend his child’s 1year birthday.

Guess what I did when he told me he was too tired for any kind of intimacy even though I had been waiting for 4days and it was my right by marriage . I slept off and allowed him rest, like a sane person should.

You understand.

If you read the thread and understood it, you will realize that this example is not necessary.

True change can never happen until we understand what was wrong with the old system and teach people better.

While I understand the emotions of the thread (wives were maltreated etc. etc.), we are going to create another set of problems tilting overboard.

Instead of teaching women that they are not bound to have sex with their husbands or have autonomy over their bodies (which is not true especially in a religious marriage), teach the men to be sensitive, selfless, loving and considerate.

Any other way will create people who will come out to vehemently 'campaign' against it while more men will physically abuse their wives or as 'cool' husbands cheat and ruin the family.

Same problem with women's rights.

bukatyne:


Crackhaus,

Nairaland is a forum where we ought to discuss all issues and not a Government website.

This was culled from a US Christian forum: https://biblicalgenderroles.com/2018/01/11/it-is-not-a-womans-consent-that-matters-it-is-gods/

There are other such topics there too.

Interestingly, 90% of the people on this thread were not on the prior thread. Some acknowledged that they did not even read it.

If I think that a thread is teaching something wrong enough to be deleted, I will engage the Op.

I will not wait till the thread is deleted and comment.

You and I are on the same page here Bukatyne.
Even though we weren't in agreement on that thread, I still believe it didn't warrant deletion.

I stand corrected though, if marital rape can still be a topic of discussion in the US which already criminalizes it, then I don't see why it shouldn't be discussed in Nigeria where it's not acknowledged by law.
Talk about being more western than the westerners themselves.

crackhaus:

You and I are on the same page here Bukatyne.
Even though we weren't in agreement on that thread, I still believe it didn't warrant deletion.

I stand corrected though, if marital rape can still be a topic of discussion in the US which already criminalizes it, then I don't see why it shouldn't be discussed in Nigeria where it's not acknowledged by law.
Talk about being more western than the westerners themselves.

If you read several western blogs, you will realize that underneath the facade of modernization, most of them are still very crude and primal.

What I got from the thread was that the concept of marital rape is not recognised in the Nigerian constitution, the Bible and the Quran so it is acceptable if you got married under the Nigerian court or practice any of these religions, since it isn’t seen as rape even though it technically is.

Sounded like indirect advocacy to me to be honest. My main qualm with the thread was the fact that impressionable and insincere minds may take it and run with it. Plus the way it was framed did not sound like it was meant to open discourse for ways it can be criminalised for example, it sounded like ‘this is how it is and that’s that’ because so and so (insert some sort of ‘sovereign’ law here) said so.

bukatyne:


If you read the thread, you would note that it did not advocate rape which is sex without consent.

you said consent has already been given because of the marital status.
Thus implying that further consent need not be sought.
Sex without consent is rape. And consent is needed each time. Marriage doesn’t give blanket consent. It’s more than that. A lot more.

I infact pointed some scenarios in marriage which would have been rape outside of it.

If it would have been rape outside of marriage, then what in marriage makes it okay or less of a crime? The loss of personal dignity? Loss of choice? Loss of autonomy over one’s body? Is that what marriage is? I don’t think you realize the implication of what you were saying.

None of my posts have supported barbaric practices against women however

that wasn’t for you per se. just in general the types of posts that make it to this forum.

I will continue to highlight their responsibilities.

non-consensual sex isn’t a responsibility of anyone. If anything we should be advocating enjoyable sex for everyone and ways in which sex live can be improved between married people instead of viewing it as a duty. It doesn’t have a good connotation to it.

Husbands are also expected not to deny their wives sex which is not 'rape'.

Same as above.

That being said, if we as a society can become more open about discussions of sex (in real life not an anonymous forum), if we can promote sex as an enjoyable activity for women, if we can value the female orgasm as much as we place value on that of men, less shaming for women who like to have sex as much as men do, then maybe will get somewhere with this whole sex a marital duty versus sex as beautiful gift for women.

Can’t suppress feminine sexuality all their growing years and then expect them to get married and have it all together.

Root cause analysis.

bukatyne:


Funny that you did not open the thread or read yet you felt it ought to be deleted.

Whatever happened to 'do not judge a book by its cover'?

And I think the mod who deleted the topic should have had the courtesy to notify me prior to deleting it.

And deleting the thread does not change the facts.

Hello, I read it and found it offensive and wrong
Don’t lose your humanity in a bid to “sound” intellectual
Cheers

cococandy:
That being said, if we as a society can become more open about discussions of sex (in real life not an anonymous forum), if we can promote sex as an enjoyable activity for women, if we can value the female orgasm as much as we place value on that of men, less shaming for women who like to have sex as much as men do, then maybe will get somewhere with this whole sex a marital duty versus sex as beautiful gift for women.

Can’t suppress feminine sexuality all their growing years and then expect them to get married and have it all together.

Root cause analysis.

This is true
Another thing? This same poster called marriage the Xfactor in women’s success (she edited it later) and while this may be true for her, maybe marriages validates her (not a bad thing I guess). But that was indirectly, maybe unknowingly trying to put down unmarried women and their success or lack of, especially those who may want marriage but are unable to get it. I noticed her username after reading through that thread
While that one was insensitive, this particular OP is simply horrible (and to think it quoted scripture makes it more so)
I am glad it was deleted

@crackhaus:

https://www.theweek.co.uk/98330/when-did-marital-rape-become-a-crime?amp

https://www.newstatesman.com/politics/feminism/2018/12/when-many-don-t-consider-marital-rape-crime-it-s-no-surprise-justice?amp

The mods were right to delete it, even if you made one or two points, It may give young impressionable minds the wrong signal about relationship and marriage. Either ways, sex without consent is CLOSELY associated with battery and violation. Marriage may give the rights, Yes...But sex is a 2 people something, not 1.

merahki:



This is true
Another thing? This same poster called marriage the Xfactor in women’s success (she edited it later) and while this may be true for her, maybe marriages validates her (not a bad thing). But that was indirectly, maybe unknowingly trying to put down unmarried women and their success or lack of, especially those who may want marriage but are unable to get it. I noticed her username after reading through that thread
While that one was insensitive, this particular OP is simply horrible (and to think it quoted scripture makes it more so)
I am glad it was deleted

I called marriage the X factor in women's success or men the X factor in women's success until I changed it to married women?

My dear, you should have noticed that I am very politically incorrect and say things as they are.

Almighty Ibunkun Awosika and Sheryl Goldberg COOL of Google said at different times that the husband a woman marries is the most important decision she can make.

Engage the Folorunsho Alakijas, Late Dora Akunliyis of this world and the first thing they tell you is the support of their husbands.

I look around what happens in the the society and create threads to solve them.

If a young lady knows that the choice of husband is extremely important, she becomes more sensible in her choice.

If that is a bad thing, no wahala.

During your wedding ceremony, when you are advised to satisfy your husband sexually, tell them you will be giving consent to do.

merahki:



Hello, I read it and found it offensive and wrong
Don’t lose your humanity in a bid to “sound” intellectual
Cheers

Thanks for the advice.

I am not trying to sound intellectual.

I am addressing a common issue.

bukatyne:


I called marriage the X factor in women's success or men the X factor in women's success until I changed it to married women?

My dear, you should have noticed that I am very politically incorrect and say things as they are.

Almighty Ibunkun Awosika and Sheryl Goldberg COOL of Google said at different times that the husband a woman marries is the most important decision she can make.

Engage the Folorunsho Alakijas, Late Dora Akunliyis of this world and the first thing they tell you is the support of their husbands.

I look around what happens in the the society and create threads to solve them.

If a young lady knows that the choice of husband is extremely important, she becomes more sensible in her choice.

If that is a bad thing, no wahala.

During your wedding ceremony, when you are advised to satisfy your husband sexually, tell them you will be giving consent to do

Before Nkor consent and right are two dfferent things.I believe people have autonomy over their bodies even in marriage
Should she be exhausted because she wants to satisfy her husband sexually?
Consent is required before sex not duty alone.
Simple as Abc.

Simple. Your post was your personal view and not what is acceptable to the generality of humanity.

Like seriously, you want us to believe you would accept marital rape if it came from your own husband.

Simpleton feeling fly!

Ladyhippolyta88:

Before Nkor consent and right are two dfferent things.I believe people have autonomy over their bodies even in marriage
Should she be exhausted because she wants to satisfy her husband sexually?
Consent is required before sex not duty.
Simple as Abc.

Should she be exhausted because she wants to satisfy her husband sexually?

No.

However, if she treats sex as a priority and not an after thought, she would make adequate room for it.

What is the difference between right and consent?

I think there's a cabal on Nairaland especially on this section. Once the cabal is against you you stand no chance. The validity of your arguments nothwisthanding.
Once the cabal is "offended" you are toast.

It was a deeply offensive thread.
Simple as ABC.
Some women go through similar experiences in marriage, and because it was their husbands that violated them doesn't make it any less of a violation. It doesn't reduce the pain or the shame that comes with it. Rape is rape, and there can never be a justification for it.
I'm yet to see any man that would publicly agree that he forcefully takes his wife. Nobody confesses to such because they know it is wrong

I found the thread deeply offensive,perhaps op did not know how she came off?

Where is the enjoyment in sex if it is forced? Especially when it is by someone who swore to love and cherish you and vice versa.

A man or woman that loves you and is considerate of you will not force him/herself on you.

Are you also implying that if a husband wants for eg an al sex,even if you're not in agreement,he is free to carry on because once you are married,you have no choice?

Or maybe if a wife wants to stick a cucumber in husband's ass,he can't say no because he has already given consent on the marriage day?

Where do you draw the line?

You mentioned that when the person gets hurt they can seek redress.

So how hurt will the person be before they can seek that redress? 1 inch wound or 2 inches? How about the scars that are psychological and others cannot see?

Where will they seek redress for that one?

Bukatyne, before they deleted,I mentioned that you may need to sit with some victims and see the impact of rape ,years and years later they remain damaged.

Imagine being in an oh yes marriage and sex is carried out forcefully on you.

How about a partner with STDs? Can you also say no?

People do not want sex for various reasons,their wishes should be respected.

How can marriage be a shroud to allow atrocities? You implied that rape can happen between unmarried people but once you are married rape now carries a different name.

Is vag inal tear from forceful intercourse when married
different from the one sustained when it's a boyfriend?Do cuts to a pe nis have a different design because he is a husband?

I understand how difficult it is when the person you love and want to be with says no to your advances,it happens to the best of us.


Consent is vital,marriage does not erode a person's basic human rights.

It gladdens my heart to see many people speaking up against your statement.

why are u worried they deleted a thread?..create another.. if they delete that kip on creating it...

Lmao.. Deeply polarizing subject.

'Offensive' is Nairaland's word of the day.

crackhaus:
Lmao.. Deeply polarizing subject.

'Offensive' is Nairaland's word of the day.

Lol rape is a ‘deeply polarising’ subject? Lol yeah sometimes...

ibkayee:
What I got from the thread was that the concept of marital rape is not recognised in the Nigerian constitution, the Bible and the Quran so it is acceptable if you got married under the Nigerian court or practice any of these religions, since it isn’t seen as rape even though it technically is.

Sounded like indirect advocacy to me to be honest. My main qualm with the thread was the fact that impressionable and insincere minds may take it and run with it. Plus the way it was framed did not sound like it was meant to open discourse for ways it can be criminalised for example, it sounded like ‘this is how it is and that’s that’ because so and so (insert some sort of ‘sovereign’ law here) said so.

Is there any thread apart from the Islamic section not open for discussion?

Anyone who read the read well would not see advocacy for physical abuse during sex.

cococandy:
you said consent has already been given because of the marital status.
Thus implying that further consent need not be sought.
Sex without consent is rape. And consent is needed each time. Marriage doesn’t give blanket consent. It’s more than that. A lot more.


If it would have been rape outside of marriage, then what in marriage makes it okay or less of a crime? The loss of personal dignity? Loss of choice? Loss of autonomy over one’s body? Is that what marriage is? I don’t think you realize the implication of what you were saying.
that wasn’t for you per se. just in general the types of posts that make it to this forum.

non-consensual sex isn’t a responsibility of anyone. If anything we should be advocating enjoyable sex for everyone and ways in which sex live can be improved between married people instead of viewing it as a duty. It doesn’t have a good connotation to it.


Same as above.

How is this consent sort in marriage?

What happens if the wife doesn't give consent in three months?

bukatyne:
@crackhaus:

https://www.theweek.co.uk/98330/when-did-marital-rape-become-a-crime?amp

https://www.newstatesman.com/politics/feminism/2018/12/when-many-don-t-consider-marital-rape-crime-it-s-no-surprise-justice?amp

Thanks.

I read the first, didn't read the second because it requires registration...but I get the point.