dominique:


It is only an extremely petty, small minded, low self-esteemed man that will have issues with being called by his name. It's no big deal especially if the couple were friends before marriage. You African men have nothing going on upstairs except how to dominate a woman and how she should massage your silly egos. Your foreign counterparts are busy making ground-breaking inventions and research, you're busy looking for who to serve you food and call you sir. Don't you people irritate yourselves sometimes?

You have scattered the table @dominique

Buckubuck:

I suspect you're remotely overwhelmed by what you perceive as men's expectation from marriage. I'm sure you're single and you're afraid of the prospect of being put in a box of appropriate behaviour when married.

In Nigeria, I am actually expected to be the king in the marriage, to be served as I like.
I don't know the box you are scared of, can you explain?

Respect has only one meaning. Outside it we have pride, arrogance, vanity, ego, laissez faire etc

No, it doesn't and you don't know it.
If I refuse to give police bribe at the checkpoint, they will see me as disrepectful but I know better.
To some people, leaving them alone is respect while others expect you to acknowledge them.

The subject of this discourse to my thinking is dat of a wife assuming the role of a gf. A woman is presumed to be the owner of the house and is expected to be a good host to her husband's guests even if she does not like them. It's ethical behaviour not necessarily servitude. She can clear up any issues she has with them when she's alone with her husband. The moment a wife refuses to be a good host even to the guest's face, she's opening up her marriage for ridicule.

There is no role for wife/gf outside of what they are prepared to give.

That is why marriage is voluntary. You can walk away and find a better slave anytime you want.

As for sharing house chores, there's nothing wrong with that inherently since women are also expected to contribute financially nowadays. But I've been reading a lot of my husband does the cooking and the washing in this thread esp from sassysure and you seem to think having defined role is servitude.

Check back all my posts, you will see that I never mentioned chores which seems to trigger many people
because I consider it a non-issue.
My point is that nobody should be forced to do what they don't want. Washing and cooking is not slavery,
being forced to do them is slavery.

Most of you have a problem if you're asked to submit to your husband but have no issues with being overburdened by your boss at work, forgetting he is actually someone else's husband as well. In normal relationship respect is earned not given, in marriage I suspect respect should be given. It behoves on the receiver not to fritter it away.

Oh, another one.
You assumed I am a woman because I think this particular husband is wrong.
FYI, there are men out there who don't need slaves as wives.
If you find a woman who willingly do whatever you want, good for you and I have no problem
with that.
My issue is that you cannot force your will on a free person like you and then term call it disrespect when they
refuse.

I worked with an NGO involved with domestic affairs. The most common complaint from shocked husbands
usually goes like this. "How can I ask my wife to do X and Y and she dares refuse, isn't it my right to
tell her what to do"

We try to tell them that such behavior is normal when dealing with a fully grown human, not a kid, not a slave. Some later understand some don't.

nwanneni:
I am not even domestic.things like food and chores can't ever bother me.
But the moment she starts battling for supremacy in my house then it's on.
Operation leave the house for her so we see how far she and her feminism will go with the bills and probably kids

You see now? You are worse than king Herod himself!

My policy before marriage was, "hold your own make I hold my own".

I thank God Almighty that I was already comfortable before getting married.

I thank God say nor be man first buy car for me, rent house for me, and carry me go abroad!

I made a silent resolution to be independent of any man's money right from school days.

Having schooled in enugu where the streets were replete with undergraduate females thereby making Puccini the cheapest commodity in the market, the men had a field day playing with girls like ping-pong.

I hurt so much when I saw how men ridiculed the women because of their long throat. Truth is any girl you met on the streets of enugu then was either hungry, owing school fees or having accommodation problem. Some even fakes it just to task the guys and consequently, the men had zero respect for women no matter what.

I saw it all and decided to be self-reliant even while in school.

I would buy beer and smoke with my Money for my guy-friends and even parted with small change to them when they come asking.

In the end, it earned me respect and empowered me to do more to be successful in life.

Today Bros, leave matter, my Oga dey give me my due respect even more than required all because I hold my side.

Lleigh:


You have scattered the table @dominique

Lol, those guys can be very annoying jor, they deserve to be put in their place every once in a while.



Nice seeing you in other section apart from lit section

Xisnin:

In Nigeria, I am actually expected to be the king in the marriage, to be served as I like.
I don't know the box you are scared of, can you explain?


No, it doesn't and you don't know it.
If I refuse to give police bribe at the checkpoint, they will see me as disrepectful but I know better.
To some people, leaving them alone is respect while others expect you to acknowledge them.


There is no role for wife/gf outside of what they are prepared to give.

That is why marriage is voluntary. You can walk away and find a better slave anytime you want.


Check back all my posts, you will see that I never mentioned chores which seems to trigger many people
because I consider it a non-issue.
My point is that nobody should be forced to do what they don't want. Washing and cooking is not slavery,
being forced to do them is slavery.


Oh, another one.
You assumed I am a woman because I think this particular husband is wrong.
FYI, there are men out there who don't need slaves as wives.
If you find a woman who willingly do whatever you want, good for you and I have no problem
with that.
My issue is that you cannot force your will on a free person like you and then term call it disrespect when they
refuse.

I worked with an NGO involved with domestic affairs. The most common complaint from shocked husbands
usually goes like this. "How can I ask my wife to do X and Y and she dares refuse, isn't it my right to
tell her what to do"

We try to tell them that such behavior is normal when dealing with a fully grown human, not a kid, not a slave. Some later understand some don't.

That last paragraph was an eye opener. 'How dare she refuse' yet we are in 2019. So this same man will tell his wife to steal and she must because he said so.

And if she does not do certain things she is not respecting him.

Gandollaar:
You see now? You are worse than king Herod himself!

My policy before marriage was, "hold your own make I hold my own".

I thank God Almighty that I was already comfortable before getting married.

I thank God say nor be man first buy car for me, rent house for me, and carry me go abroad!

I made a silent resolution to be independent of any man's money right from school days.

Having schooled in enugu where the streets were replete with undergraduate females thereby making Puccini the cheapest commodity in the market, the men had a field day playing with girls like ping-pong.

I hurt so much when I saw how men ridiculed the women because of their long throat. Truth is any girl you met on the streets of enugu then was either hungry, owing school fees or having accommodation problem. Some even fakes it just to task the guys and consequently, the men had zero respect for women no matter what.

I saw it all and decided to be self-reliant even while in school.

I would buy beer and smoke with my Money for my guy-friends and even parted with small change to them when they come asking.

In the end, it earned me respect and empowered me to do more to be successful in life.

Today Bros, leave matter, my Oga dey give me my due respect even more than required all because I hold my side.

my sister,money dey level by level.
I hope say you know?ABI na you build the house for the Man?
And where did you deduce from my write up that I would even think twice about a woman that don't make her own bread or would disrespect my woman
I no just want say make you come dey want pilot my affairs for me and dey claim you are better.na there we go get issues.

dominique:


It is only an extremely petty, small minded, low self-esteemed man that will have issues with being called by his name. It's no big deal especially if the couple were friends before marriage. You African men have nothing going on upstairs except how to dominate a woman and how she should massage your silly egos. Your foreign counterparts are busy making ground-breaking inventions and research, you're busy looking for who to serve you food and call you sir. Don't you people irritate yourselves sometimes?

Lol. You feminists prefer to look at things you can see with both eyes with only the left eye.
If foreign men are making inventions, what stops you African women from doing likewise. Since you want to leave African men behind in their ego culture. Abi are you pushing responsibility for invention to men now?

Xisnin:

In Nigeria, I am actually expected to be the king in the marriage, to be served as I like.
I don't know the box you are scared of, can you explain?

No, it doesn't and you don't know it.
If I refuse to give police bribe at the checkpoint, they will see me as disrepectful but I know better.
To some people, leaving them alone is respect while others expect you to acknowledge them.


There is no role for wife/gf outside of what they are prepared to give.

That is why marriage is voluntary. You can walk away and find a better slave anytime you want.


Check back all my posts, you will see that I never mentioned chores which seems to trigger many people
because I consider it a non-issue.
My point is that nobody should be forced to do what they don't want. Washing and cooking is not slavery,
being forced to do them is slavery.

Oh, another one.
You assumed I am a woman because I think this particular husband is wrong.
FYI, there are men out there who don't need slaves as wives.
If you find a woman who willingly do whatever you want, good for you and I have no problem
with that.
My issue is that you cannot force your will on a free person like you and then term call it disrespect when they
refuse.

I worked with an NGO involved with domestic affairs. The most common complaint from shocked husbands
usually goes like this. "How can I ask my wife to do X and Y and she dares refuse, isn't it my right to
tell her what to do"

We try to tell them that such behavior is normal when dealing with a fully grown human, not a kid, not a slave. Some later understand some don't.

If you're a Nigerian, you should know what "appropriate behaviour" means in Nigerian setting. That's the box I'm talking about

Giving or refusing to give a bribe is not respect. You don't give money to a bully trying to extort you out of respect. Respect is "due regard for the feelings, wishes, or rights of others"

If you decide to become a wife/gf, then by implication, you're prepared to take on some roles. Same as if you decide to take up a job. Fulfilling your role both cases should have nothing to do with mood.


Of course. If you don't mind having a failed marriage which begs the question, why get married initially if you don't intend to stay in it? Does that not defeat the whole essence of marriage?

Like I said it is responsibility not servitude. You should know the difference.

If you're a man, you should interrogate why the man in the first place asked his wife to serve his visitor food. Where did he get the moral right to ask that? The answer is a pointer to if the man or woman is right in this case

So because the man doesn't like it, you have to CONCLUDE that calling a man by his name is wrong/disrespectful. That is absolute trash. You said tradition forbids it, is everyone from your tribe? Do we all share same traditions? I honestly do not believe you are an educated fellow. You need a lot of education and exposure.

kevin25:
The man dosnt like dat get it

LilMissFavvy:
So because the man doesn't like it, you have to CONCLUDE that calling a man by his name is wrong/disrespectful. That is absolute trash. You said tradition forbids it, is everyone from your tribe? Do we all share same traditions? I honestly do not believe you are an educated fellow. You need a lot of education and exposure.

Feminist spoted by they word u shall no them

nwanneni:
my sister,money dey level by level.
I hope say you know?ABI na you build the house for the Man?
And where did you deduce from my write up that I would even think twice about a woman that don't make her own bread or would disrespect my woman
I no just want say make you come dey want pilot my affairs for me and dey claim you are better.na there we go get issues.

Bros, will you be surprised if I built the house we live in?

The truth is, it's un-natural for a man to depend on his woman. But where circumstances makes it inevitable, wisdom and understanding is key. The problem is that men are very insecure in such arrangements and would always do something stupid in a bid to assert needless authority.

Men whose wives are gainfully employed are more respected by their husbands.

Gandollaar:
Bros, will you be surprised if I built the house we live in?

The truth is, it's un-natural for a man to depend on his woman. But where circumstances makes it inevitable, wisdom and understanding is key. The problem is that men are very insecure in such arrangements and would always do something stupid in a bid to assert needless authority.

Men whose wives are gainfully employed are more respected by their husbands.

Very true, until the man turns around and tells the wife to leave the job and sit at home, also because he is feeling somehow about the progress the woman is making and wants to assert authority. Then the woman has to choose between marriage and job.
So much going on in Africa, which is a real shame.

Gandollaar:
Bros, will you be surprised if I built the house we live in?

The truth is, it's un-natural for a man to depend on his woman. But where circumstances makes it inevitable, wisdom and understanding is key. The problem is that men are very insecure in such arrangements and would always do something stupid in a bid to assert needless authority.

Men whose wives are gainfully employed are more respected by their husbands.

I will not be surprised but it will tell me something about the Man you married.
I know I don't have insecurity issues.I have worked too hard to be going through that this early in life.
Most of the women I've dated got their own money.bit you don't try and start making making me lick your ass because you make money too na.hope you understand?
E no go work.

larryking540:
Bro after reading the first 3 lines of that lady,i had to stop reading because it's irritating, ,,,and she is even prude of saying it,,,,,if u want to know how ur future wife will treat u,try visit her family and see how her mother treats her father, then dat is what u should be expecting, ,my husband pays the kids school fees,,,provides basic amenities, fuel the generator comes home late from work and u still expect the young man to eat and go wash d plate, ,,?na house boy u marry no b husband

u for just tell us say u don lock the man brain inside bottle na,,,,,

You mind her

The point is this:is a we're not saying a man cannot dish out for himself. Only a foolish man will say its a taboo for him to serve himself. But this lady has made it a point of duty that the man must always dish his own food himself. Then, that is so wrong, and a man that goes along with that is stupid

Even in UK and US, in most homes, the woman serves her husband food. So why must make it a habit that you cannot dish ur husbands food, that he must do it himself

It works for some while it doesn't work for others. There are well to do women who still respect and submit to there husbands.

Shockingly its even the really affluent women that submit more. Example I ve been in a forum where Folrunso Alakija was saying that she submits to her husband, cooks for him, does pedicure and many other. That her wealth doesn't get to her head. I ve also heard Ibukun Awosika one on one of how she plays her wifely and womanly role at home.

Ngozi Okonjo Iweala with all her global connections still plays her role to her husband well.
Most times it is women that just barely escaped poverty will be running there mouth.


The problem with most men is that they don't scrutinize well before marrying a woman.
Family background matters a lot.
Young women raised by good mothers always make good wife. They play there role well even with a shining career.


Check the background of most of these ones making mouth and you will see they were not raised by good mothers.
Good Mothers have a way of driving it into there daughters nature to be a good wife to there husbands and children.


I have a cousin doing very well, married to a wonderful well behaved wife. This is a mother of 4 running her home efficiently. We were discussing one day and she said her mother trained all her and her sisters of the role of a woman in a home.


A lot have gone wrong in our society today. Families are falling apart.
So look well before you leap.
Use your head. Don't say I am in love, and overlook signs and warnings.
Do your background check very well.
Don't expose yourself and children to danger.

@Djon u deserve hot chicken pepper soup with cold life for what u have just said now... When a woman talks silly or act silly to d husband check her family very well her mother must be doing so to dia father

kevin25:
@Djon u deserve hot chicken pepper soup with cold life for what u have just said now... When a woman talks silly or act silly to d husband check her family very well her mother must be doing so to dia father

You just summarized my whole post.
Whatever you are doing with a woman, do due diligence, check her background/upbringing.
Who raised her up?
Many men have been burnt because they never did such.
There are still many wonderful, lovely, good women out there. Don't let these ones deceive you. Women that are still loyal to there men. Not these toxic ones. Be careful, be warned.

Jmk9292:
That's when both are in marriage because of pressure..... Pressure arising from poverty on the side of the man.... Pressure on the side of the woman to be a Mrs..

Oil dey ur head

[quote author=double0seven post=79327815]

You mind her

The point is this:is a we're not saying a man cannot dish out for himself. Only a foolish man will say its a taboo for him to serve himself. But this lady has made it a point of duty that the man must always dish his own food himself. Then, that is so wrong, and a man that goes along with that is stupid

Even in UK and US, in most homes, the woman serves her husband food. So why must make it a habit that you cannot dish ur husbands food, that he must do it himself

[/

double0seven:


You mind her

The point is this:is a we're not saying a man cannot dish out for himself. Only a foolish man will say its a taboo for him to serve himself. But this lady has made it a point of duty that the man must always dish his own food himself. Then, that is so wrong, and a man that goes along with that is stupid

Even in UK and US, in most homes, the woman serves her husband food. So why must make it a habit that you cannot dish ur husbands food, that he must do it himself

Leve them make chimamanda Ngozi adechie day feed their head with wrong idea of womanhood, ,,i would have been happy if she added she also wash the husband car, while d husband is washing d dishes, ,,children getting married to innocent gullible church brother's

kevin25:
The man is working now not broke he provides but stil the woman dnt respect him coz no matter any amount the man has she has it times two

Sorry if i sound rude, but don't u think the woman felt u are the one giving her husband bad advice and don't want to see u in the house, normally some women will pretend until the visit leaves b4 showing their character again.

I typically go for people in whose company your just comfortable. There’s nothing wrong in a woman achieving more than you her parents inspired her to. A lot of people unfortunately surround themselves with the worst examples of what a good man should be it’s about adding value and if you can’t add your decreasing in some way.

Deep down some people are kind but years of abuse won’t let them ever admit they learnt the hard way or they learnt the wrong way. Love is not about position and titles in life is how deep is your soul ?

phenylalanine:

Sorry if i sound rude, but don't u think the woman felt u are the one giving her husband bad advice and don't want to see u in the house, normally some women will pretend until the visit leaves b4 showing their character again.

On point sir.
Next time, na hot water the woman go pour for him body.
Yeye gossiper and hopeless home-breaker.

phenylalanine:

Sorry if i sound rude, but don't u think the woman felt u are the one giving her husband bad advice and don't want to see u in the house, normally some women will pretend until the visit leaves b4 showing their character again.

The woman respects me and never had any problem with me point of correction, dats is how she normally treat her husband my visit didnt change anytn and perhapes they are my good neigbor get dat dnt rush into conclusion yet i dnt advice anybody d man only complain to me which i have also seen with my eyes... And i cant help it dan to tel d man to pray to God coz i dnt want to get problem wit them make i dey manage d respect d woman dey give me.

Theyoungmatron:
On point sir.
Next time, na hot water the woman go pour for him body.
Yeye gossiper and hopeless home-breaker.

every body cant be like you lunatic

kevin25:
every body cant be like you lunatic

Unrepentant home-wrecker and rumormonger. Your type will find it difficult to marry because you are an irredeemable and documented pauper, who is patiently and jealously waiting for crumbs from the tables of their friends rich wives.
Jealousy kill you dia, ingrate animal sired by extinct orangutan species.

Theyoungmatron:
Unrepentant home-wrecker and rumormonger. Your type will find it difficult to marry because you are an irredeemable and documented pauper, who is patiently and jealously waiting for crumbs from the tables of their friends rich wives.
Jealousy kill you dia, ingrate animal sired by extinct orangutan species.

Lunatic continue ranting no go take ur drugs slowpoke

kevin25:
Lunatic continue ranting no go take ur drugs slowpoke

HOMEWRECKER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sassysure:

U can never be half of who he is. When u see his type out there, u will only wish but your retarded mindset will never allow u to grow.
slowpoke and dunce.
U write like a gateman.

Don't mind the retard. Mumu gateman. I keep hearing respect, even someone with coconut brain needs respect. How many of us will they(men) divorce? They are only good at calling names. My elder brother cooks for the wife and kids and they are happy.

Xisnin:
How will he be ordering her around when she is not a maid?

The same kind of insecure men who call women who depend on them "olosho"
are the ones also crying when they meet an independent woman.

She took him from the gutters but now he wants to become an emperor.
Well, he is free to go his separate ways but he will surely be bankrupt in no time.

This is the risk every woman who marries a poor man takes. Most will never be
secure and will be looking for every opportunity to seize control.

The only reasonable man on Nairaland!!!

Xisnin:

Only slaves submit.
Free humans collaborate or go their separate ways.
Make sure you buy an illiterate girl from your village to marry
or even stay single forever.
I don't want to see another thread about "my wife disobey me".

SMH

One in a million G!!

Bossjakande:
pls wat does dis mean Chineke ekweghi ihe ojo! and Nwoke m, nodi odu!

God forbid bad thing!

My guy, go sidon!