₦airaland Forum

sirdouglas:
Thanks bro. Sleeping with her without condom was my fault but I trusted her. They can't force me because they know I could have chosen the easy way out and endanger the life of their daughter in the process if I wanted to. I am doing everything I think is the right thing though I am not sure of the paternity yet. I felt that she giving birth to twins means something but now you have said it. I will still go for paternity test to remove any form of doubt. I am not coming back any time soon so I wouldn't say I don'twant the kids. After delivery, wouldn't it be late to lay claim on the children??

daddytime:
Judging from your narrative, it is safe to say the young girl is a 'beauty without brains' whatever that means, and I'm sure her beauty was what got you hooked before you tasted the pie and subsequently realized she wasn't so smart.

Bro, I'm going to be straight up with you like I always do man...Selfish and self-centered is what you are (in bold).

You never hear say meat wey person no dey chop say him no suppose use teeth share am?

Oh because she was pretty, undemanding and mgbekeish, you decided to hold on to her, leading her on, and only started being honest to her about your plans when you had started making your travel plans and thus realized she'd be too local for your new status?

My bro, if that girl were my sister, and you had the effrontery to come to my house to spill what you just did here, you wouldn't have been able to use that visa of yours, and I'd have personally aborted the pregnancy with my bare hands. What insult.

If she's not good enough for you to wife, she shouldn't have been good enough for you to dickk and of course mother your baby(s).

This is even worse than a baby mama thingy, this is a baby factory one.

All the story about you making it clear to her that you won't be marrying her are just some cunning silly afterthoughts of a chronic user who had a game plan from the get-go.

There's something I'll tell you now if you like take am if you no like leave am.

I just hope and pray you won't come back looking for and begging this lady in the future and by what time it'd have been late already because you'd pay for your bid to selfishly destroy this young girl's life and dump her. For whom I ask after one o'clock?

Look around you and you'd find examples of cases like this where the man would come begging after years when his recompense would have been served steamy hot.

You no see GEJ and PEJ? How you see dem upon say PEJ dey break bottle with English?

You had better retraced your step, my friend, learn to love that babe, marry her and start a family with her or else you go regret am o.

Forget all these your later later excuses abeg

dalene1305:
I read your story and its quite pathetic. Don't marry her because of the children, if you must marry her, if not I would advice you take her outside the country, expose her to civilization, take care of your kids, when they grow to like 5years collect them and let her be, she will find someone else who will marry her.
Please don't abandon her here to be caring for the kids and no development for herself, I feel she will do better outside the country if you can afford it.

She will appreciate you later.

crunchyg:
Oga I took time to read your initial posts and replies and what I can deduce is that you sounded a little bit selfish
1. You knew you weren't going to marry this girl and you ask her to go but any time she comes back you will still sleep with her to satisfy your sexual urge.
2. She got pregnant, you had the gut to go to her house and tell the parents that you can't marry their daughter, not minding the implications of that your decision and what the girl was going tomfave from her family members.
3. Now you thought it was just going to be a boy and you were ready to let that go but immediately you heard that its twins, then you suddenly became interested in the babies
4. In all these, you never still considers the future of this said lady what you are after is all about yourself, you see why I said you are selfish and self centered. My friend if you know what is good for you, you better take your people to go and pay for that girls dawry and marry her, unless you want the consequences of all these come upon you.
Marry her then make her the woman you want her to be, since you said she is not educated, then you can inspire her to go for courses, school and help her in any way possible to become that dream woman you want. Like I said before the only option here is to go and marry that girl and give your life to Christ if you haven't and allow God to take control of your family, but before you do that you must first tell her people that you are ready to marry her if a paternity test is conducted and it comes out that you are the father of the babies. My 2 cents

sirdouglas:
Oga she is really not a beauty if that is what you are implying. And while I was in Nigeria, I was doing really good for myself. I could afford girls for more beautiful than her. I met few, if you read through my post you will see that I said in the first few lines that I date at that time for the sole purpose of marriage. I WANTED TO MARRY HER BRO!!! .....why are you people so mean and heartless?? Even before I met her I know I will be traveling. And I told her as soon as the time is right. I told her almost a year before I travelled and you saying all this is very bad of you and tell more the kind of person you are.

If it happens to be your sister and you decides to do away with the pregnancy I wouldn't object to it. The blood will be on your head. Those kids are not a mistake despite the situation. You are telling me in other words that I should have aborted the twins?? Really?
Well, I leave you to your conscience. Like I said from the beginning. Getting married to her is not completely out of the table but I wish I could find an alternative to save the day.

I wouldn't descend to your level to trade words with you but I know that I am not a bad person and I never for once wish evil for that girl or planned anything that would hurt her.

madridsta007:
And yours is the typical response of the irresponsible, misogynist and the decieving-oneself response.

Someone goes and gets a girl pregnant and you want him to run away from what HE is responsible for? Actions have consequences, guy.

madridsta007:
Someone goes and gets a girl pregnant and you want him to run away from what HE is responsible for? Actions have consequences, guy.

1stCitizen:
You see why your responses are intellectually deficient. Where did I give him such advice or leaned towards such position? They need to start taking education seriously in Africa.

...and you? You still have long way to go.

sirdouglas:
Thanks bro. Sleeping with her without condom was my fault but I trusted her. They can't force me because they know I could have chosen the easy way out and endanger the life of their daughter in the process if I wanted to. I am doing everything I think is the right thing though I am not sure of the paternity yet. I felt that she giving birth to twins means something but now you have said it. I will still go for paternity test to remove any form of doubt. I am not coming back any time soon so I wouldn't say I don'twant the kids. After delivery, wouldn't it be late to lay claim on the children??

Ravenna:
Sirdoug,
I'm in the same shittt as you.
I'ma big boy, who impregnated a young gal of 19 I barely know: tho I wanted a one night thing for 5k, she refused the money and we continued fraking.
After a month, she got pregnant! GBAM!!
As a Lagos guy, I was like WTF!!!
I went wild.. we never dated not to talk of marriage.
On a normal day I cannot date a gal like her.
So, we tried abortion several times and it didn't work.
even in a specialist hospital that was when I realized I was dealing with something greater than I expected.
To cut the story short, I went to see her parents and talked to some elders and men of God, they all told me the same thing- ACCEPT it!
Few weeks later she gave birth to the most beautiful thing I've ever seen- A baby gal!!
I wept bitterly and asked God for forgiveness.
Tho the lady is never a gal of my dream: a sec school grad, her fam is shitty and all that but today we are living together.
I just gave the wheel to GOD and so far things are falling in line.
I'll be going to Europe too and may never come back anytime soon and probably marry another lady there but one thing is certain: That baby is mine and I'ma take full responsibility.

Bottom line: GOD is bigger than man.

sirdouglas:
Now before you judge me, I beg you to hear my side of the story.
I said my side of the story cos if she is here, she may not agree with everything I have to say.
This is a lengthy one but I will try to make it as short as possible.
I it is important to note that I am not writing this to be judged or ridiculed. I want matured and reasonable people to help out.

I met this girl in 2017. Can't really remember the month but it should be getting to 2years now. We started dating. As at the time I met her I wasn't struggling, I have my own business and apartment so I wouldn't say she met me when I had nothing. I was a big boy then if I can use that word.
She was just 19 or so then. I am this kind of guy that really really take relationship serious and always looking out to see if things can work out. I don't spend on her, I don't do much for her then. I wanted to see the kind of person she is. She doesn't care or even ask of anything. She might ask for something once in a while but I will pretend I didn't hearw her and to my amazement, she will never talk about it again.
With time I started noticing something about her that I don't like. First is she is really not smart and educated. I noticed that she doesn't have her own say. She listens to gossip and always bore me with what this person said or that person. I really hate that shit.
She is a mama's girl too. Sometimes I wonder if she gives her mom details of our sex life.
She won't sweep the house or do anything for me even while the relationship progressed. I started taking care of her and helping out with her needs. I constantly keep wondering if I can settle down with her but I am always stuck with that question.

I ended the relationship when it was clear to me that I can't live with her. I am an ambitious young man and I am not there yet. I want a woman who will be more than a sex mate. I want someone who can confidently handle my business and manage my home when I am not there. She is to naive to my liking. I am tired trying to build her into the kind of woman I want.

There is only one main reason why I wasn't really hard on her. She was one girl who accepted me from her heart and I know it and I respected that too. I suck when it comes to women and I respect women a lot. You know what they say about guys that respect women. They are mostly single �
She came back few months later. She wasn't ready to let go. Being that I am a loner. My defence wasn't strong enough. We started dating. I got hold of myself and ask her to go again because I couldn't see a future with her and I can't bring myself to be wasting her time.

She wanted to stay, I told her in plain words that I don't want to marry her and that's why I am setting her free.

She left and came back the third time. We had sex and all that but this time I was determined to let her go. I went to a lab for a test with to make sure I didn't infect her with anything because I treated staph before I met her and I was afraid it may still be there or something. To my utmost surprise, she was the one who infected me with gonorrhea. I treated mine and hers and ask her to go.

I noticed that she haven't seen her period and asked her and she confirmed it. She left and came back few weeks later that she is pregnant. She insisted that she wanted to have an abortion but I wasn't interested. I told her to keep the child. Besides, she has been the one telling me that my sperm us not working. I laughed over it. I became afraid that she will try something stupid so I took her to a pharmacist friend of mine to discourage her.

Her mother got to know and ask her to call me. I went with a friend and told her mother everything. I started suspecting that the child might not be mine because I treated her of an infection she possibly contacted from another person. In fact, I was shocked when she confessed about the infection. She said it is the toilet they use at home but I never believed her.

I told her mother that I am not sure about the paternity but however, I will take care of her. I told her family that I don't want to marry her and I have told her that severely.

We had a long discussion that day and I left. I started taking care if her the more. I made sure that I made my stand clear on the matter. I don't want to be a murderer so I got to do what is necessary. She started complaining about abuse from her siblings and war started. They beat her almost all the time and I wanted to take it personal. Shit do happen at times but that is not enough reason to kill their sister.

When all this is happening, I was processing my papers. In fact, I started processing my papers before she got pregnant and she is full aware of that. I took another group of friends to their home to help beg the brothers to stop beating her so they don't kill her and the child.

My visa took time so she was almost due for delivery before I left. I sent money to her account and bought some things I felt she would need even the unnecessary ones and left.

My problem now is that she contacted me few days ago to tell me that the scan said she is having twins now not a boy. I can't explain in details because I don't know but the bottom line is that she is now having a twins. I feel for her like I always do.

I don't want to marry out of pity. I don't want to live a promiscuous life. I don't want to marry this girl honestly and having a twins for me just complicated the matter the more.

She said the doctor said she will be delivering this month. I am thinking of sending my uncle and younger brother to her family house to do the iku aka or whatever that is called so I can lay claims to my kids.

Her family is so messed up that I will never want to do anything with them on a normal day. They are from onitsha in anambra and I swore never to marry from that state. That's one of the reason I kept chasing her away. When I say messed up, I am really not that good with English to find the right word to define how disorganized it is.

I am feeling like a monster already. I need all the help that I can get. I never expected this to happen. I never wanted to complicate her life but here I am in the middle of all this.

Should I marry her out of pity and save her the embarrassment or give her money and make sure she comfortable and go ahead with my life. Honestly I don't know what to do.

Obaakran:
I'm telling you, his responses to people has being purging me

Daguccizgreat:
You're a dude with conscience and wisdom

madridsta007:
lol.

You are the one that is clearly intellectually deficient.
Bandying populist phrases like you do and many others do, does not mean you are smart. I am sure you know this anyway.

sirdouglas:
IT IS PERSONAL BRO
You sound ridiculous. Do you think this is a movie script?? This is my life bro, my life!!

If you got a girl pregnant at 14 I guess the girl is how old ten?? And you aborted the pregnancy obviously cos you sound very inhuman and unreasonable.

I was traveling she is aware. Did you read the part were I said she was making fun of me that my sperm is not working?? She wanted to be pregnant. Youknow that kind of stupid love that makes a girl wants to carry a man's child. I know she never wanted the abortion cos if she did, she wouldn't have told her mother. She would have done it and cut ties with me at worst so don't even go there.

I know you honestly want to see me as a villian but remember she is 20 at the time of the pregnancy. She an adult even before the law. So stop this your witchhunting, is not helping matters.

sirdouglas:
Now before you judge me, I beg you to hear my side of the story.
I said my side of the story cos if she is here, she may not agree with everything I have to say.
This is a lengthy one but I will try to make it as short as possible.
I it is important to note that I am not writing this to be judged or ridiculed. I want matured and reasonable people to help out.

I met this girl in 2017. Can't really remember the month but it should be getting to 2years now. We started dating. As at the time I met her I wasn't struggling, I have my own business and apartment so I wouldn't say she met me when I had nothing. I was a big boy then if I can use that word.
She was just 19 or so then. I am this kind of guy that really really take relationship serious and always looking out to see if things can work out. I don't spend on her, I don't do much for her then. I wanted to see the kind of person she is. She doesn't care or even ask of anything. She might ask for something once in a while but I will pretend I didn't hearw her and to my amazement, she will never talk about it again.
With time I started noticing something about her that I don't like. First is she is really not smart and educated. I noticed that she doesn't have her own say. She listens to gossip and always bore me with what this person said or that person. I really hate that shit.
She is a mama's girl too. Sometimes I wonder if she gives her mom details of our sex life.
She won't sweep the house or do anything for me even while the relationship progressed. I started taking care of her and helping out with her needs. I constantly keep wondering if I can settle down with her but I am always stuck with that question.

I ended the relationship when it was clear to me that I can't live with her. I am an ambitious young man and I am not there yet. I want a woman who will be more than a sex mate. I want someone who can confidently handle my business and manage my home when I am not there. She is to naive to my liking. I am tired trying to build her into the kind of woman I want.

There is only one main reason why I wasn't really hard on her. She was one girl who accepted me from her heart and I know it and I respected that too. I suck when it comes to women and I respect women a lot. You know what they say about guys that respect women. They are mostly single �
She came back few months later. She wasn't ready to let go. Being that I am a loner. My defence wasn't strong enough. We started dating. I got hold of myself and ask her to go again because I couldn't see a future with her and I can't bring myself to be wasting her time.

She wanted to stay, I told her in plain words that I don't want to marry her and that's why I am setting her free.

She left and came back the third time. We had sex and all that but this time I was determined to let her go. I went to a lab for a test with to make sure I didn't infect her with anything because I treated staph before I met her and I was afraid it may still be there or something. To my utmost surprise, she was the one who infected me with gonorrhea. I treated mine and hers and ask her to go.

I noticed that she haven't seen her period and asked her and she confirmed it. She left and came back few weeks later that she is pregnant. She insisted that she wanted to have an abortion but I wasn't interested. I told her to keep the child. Besides, she has been the one telling me that my sperm us not working. I laughed over it. I became afraid that she will try something stupid so I took her to a pharmacist friend of mine to discourage her.

Her mother got to know and ask her to call me. I went with a friend and told her mother everything. I started suspecting that the child might not be mine because I treated her of an infection she possibly contacted from another person. In fact, I was shocked when she confessed about the infection. She said it is the toilet they use at home but I never believed her.

I told her mother that I am not sure about the paternity but however, I will take care of her. I told her family that I don't want to marry her and I have told her that severely.

We had a long discussion that day and I left. I started taking care if her the more. I made sure that I made my stand clear on the matter. I don't want to be a murderer so I got to do what is necessary. She started complaining about abuse from her siblings and war started. They beat her almost all the time and I wanted to take it personal. Shit do happen at times but that is not enough reason to kill their sister.

When all this is happening, I was processing my papers. In fact, I started processing my papers before she got pregnant and she is full aware of that. I took another group of friends to their home to help beg the brothers to stop beating her so they don't kill her and the child.

My visa took time so she was almost due for delivery before I left. I sent money to her account and bought some things I felt she would need even the unnecessary ones and left.

My problem now is that she contacted me few days ago to tell me that the scan said she is having twins now not a boy. I can't explain in details because I don't know but the bottom line is that she is now having a twins. I feel for her like I always do.

I don't want to marry out of pity. I don't want to live a promiscuous life. I don't want to marry this girl honestly and having a twins for me just complicated the matter the more.

She said the doctor said she will be delivering this month. I am thinking of sending my uncle and younger brother to her family house to do the iku aka or whatever that is called so I can lay claims to my kids.

Her family is so messed up that I will never want to do anything with them on a normal day. They are from onitsha in anambra and I swore never to marry from that state. That's one of the reason I kept chasing her away. When I say messed up, I am really not that good with English to find the right word to define how disorganized it is.

I am feeling like a monster already. I need all the help that I can get. I never expected this to happen. I never wanted to complicate her life but here I am in the middle of all this.

Should I marry her out of pity and save her the embarrassment or give her money and make sure she comfortable and go ahead with my life. Honestly I don't know what to do.

Ashley34:
Twin births runs in women Gene not the men. We releases one or more eggs during ovulation to have one or more babies and not the other way round.

sirdouglas:
What if I had given her money to do abortion or helped her with it and travel then few years down the line she couldn't conceive or complications from tje abortion claims her life later. Will it be better?? With the kind of condenmination that I am getting from my fellow guys, now I understand why others always choose the easy way out. I hope you know accepting this pregnancy has cost me a great deal? Financially, emotionally, socially and every f*cking part of my being?

Why I don't want to marry from Anambra? I have some personal reasons for that. I didn't just wake up one morning and made that decision.

Keep your mouth lashing to youself. I know your life is perfect but allow me to sort mine in peace. I am not begging for money remember. And don't for a minute that you are more civilized than me. Sh*t do happen and you are suppose to understand that.

If you can't. Mpa nyem efe dia.

sirdouglas:
Thank you a lot dear. You opinion is really really appreciated.

I have really considered that. I am still considering it but I have this believe that people don't really change. They are who they are. I am afraid!! I don't want to die young. She can't f*cking keep a secret. Within the first week she found out that she is pregnant. Even with no tommy to show for it. The whole plaza where I do my business knew about it. I was mad. Barely a week!! Not the first time. Her mother is the first person that knows whatever I tell her then her friends. She listens to side talk. Someone can convince her tomorrow that I am a bad person and she will start acting on it or kill me in my sleep without considering everything I have done for her. Its not just about the moment. I afraid of the future. I don't see her as one who is promiscuous but you know you women are good at hiding things like this. I never cheated on her. I am terrible at that. She was working for someone around my business area and that's how we met.

There is still enough time to fix this but oh God!! I wish I have the answers.
About the only chance to father a child, that's not true and I forgive you for that. I did it because I have conscience. I know she can't take of the baby all by herself.

sirdouglas:
In as much as you are trying to be mean. I understand your point. For the record, I am not a boy. I will appreciate if you address me with more respect.

Marrying her will not be such a bad idea but we may not enjoy the marriage. Especially her. She has said it over time that she knows that I don't love her. In as much as that is not entirely true, it is not far from it. She doesn't fit my profile for a wife and that is why I have been trying to end the relationship.

If this is coming from a woman I will understand but coming from a guy makes me want to ask you how old you are. Sorry but that's so insensitive of you and immature.

I never meant ill for her and I have been as reasonable and honest I can be with the situation. Judging me won't solve the problem.
What about a girl that a guy rejected for good three times and told her that he doesn't like her for marriage and she is still insisting and keep coming back? It's a two way thingb ro and I am expecting you to be more reasonable with your replies.

1stCitizen:
The OP stated clearly he did not ask for your judgement or ridicule but just advice,yet you call him a chronic user.

Shame! People like you are one of the reasons why Africa still remains underdeveloped. Go to Western forums and see how people give advice on such issues. I say again to you, Shame!

You have long way to go. A very long way.

madridsta007:
In the West, they largely take responsibility for their OWN actions. That is why a criminal case of 1963 can be re-opened and re-investigated if new evidence comes to light.

Conversely, Africa is what it is because people fear and demonise the concept of accountability.
Like you are doing now.