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She Is Pregnant With Twins But I Honestly Don't Want To Marry Her. - Romance (19) - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Romance / She Is Pregnant With Twins But I Honestly Don't Want To Marry Her. (76524 Views)

46-year-old American Woman, Set To Marry Her 23-year-old Nigerian Lover / I Honestly Need Your Helps. / Married Man With 7 Wives Gets 22-Year-Old Side Chick Pregnant With Twins. (2) (3) (4)

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Re: She Is Pregnant With Twins But I Honestly Don't Want To Marry Her. by ra4fo(m): 2:02pm On Jul 07, 2019
hmm
read all u had to say bosS. u try

more seriously now, i dnt think u shud marry out f pity but with lov&undastandin... keep supportn her, if ur stil havn doubt wit d kids, go for dna.
Thats my litl 10kobo kpakam!
Re: She Is Pregnant With Twins But I Honestly Don't Want To Marry Her. by ahmarka09: 2:03pm On Jul 07, 2019
so this is me shooting my shot.
Re: She Is Pregnant With Twins But I Honestly Don't Want To Marry Her. by madridsta007(m): 2:22pm On Jul 07, 2019
1stCitizen:


Like am doing right now? Jeez! apart from Education, mental illness is another issue to be tackled in Nigeria. You seem to be hearing voices.

Who is talking about accountability or non accountability. OP has only asked for advice not judgement or insults. Open a tread for that if you feel strongly about that. You are filled with bile and bitterness like most Nigerians and I had to point that out.

Even if a prostitute comes to a forum to request advice, advice her apprioprately and stop throwing insults else you appear like what you are. Gutter breed.

I think you are being overcome with some terrible emotions. It is beclouding your ability to read. Or else all these would not have been necessary.
He was "advised" to go and marry the girl since he had been sleeping with her and she is the mother to his twins.
Apparently, you didn't read this? cheesy undecided

You can give a different advise, yes. But others gave theirs and this is the one I agree with.

2 Likes

Re: She Is Pregnant With Twins But I Honestly Don't Want To Marry Her. by Butoneday2(m): 2:25pm On Jul 07, 2019
sirdouglas:
Now before you judge me, I beg you to hear my side of the story.
I said my side of the story cos if she is here, she may not agree with everything I have to say.
This is a lengthy one but I will try to make it as short as possible.
I it is important to note that I am not writing this to be judged or ridiculed. I want matured and reasonable people to help out.

I met this girl in 2017. Can't really remember the month but it should be getting to 2years now. We started dating. As at the time I met her I wasn't struggling, I have my own business and apartment so I wouldn't say she met me when I had nothing. I was a big boy then if I can use that word.
She was just 19 or so then. I am this kind of guy that really really take relationship serious and always looking out to see if things can work out. I don't spend on her, I don't do much for her then. I wanted to see the kind of person she is. She doesn't care or even ask of anything. She might ask for something once in a while but I will pretend I didn't hearw her and to my amazement, she will never talk about it again.
With time I started noticing something about her that I don't like. First is she is really not smart and educated. I noticed that she doesn't have her own say. She listens to gossip and always bore me with what this person said or that person. I really hate that shit.
She is a mama's girl too. Sometimes I wonder if she gives her mom details of our sex life.
She won't sweep the house or do anything for me even while the relationship progressed. I started taking care of her and helping out with her needs. I constantly keep wondering if I can settle down with her but I am always stuck with that question.

I ended the relationship when it was clear to me that I can't live with her. I am an ambitious young man and I am not there yet. I want a woman who will be more than a sex mate. I want someone who can confidently handle my business and manage my home when I am not there. She is to naive to my liking. I am tired trying to build her into the kind of woman I want.

There is only one main reason why I wasn't really hard on her. She was one girl who accepted me from her heart and I know it and I respected that too. I suck when it comes to women and I respect women a lot. You know what they say about guys that respect women. They are mostly single �
She came back few months later. She wasn't ready to let go. Being that I am a loner. My defence wasn't strong enough. We started dating. I got hold of myself and ask her to go again because I couldn't see a future with her and I can't bring myself to be wasting her time.

She wanted to stay, I told her in plain words that I don't want to marry her and that's why I am setting her free.

She left and came back the third time. We had sex and all that but this time I was determined to let her go. I went to a lab for a test with to make sure I didn't infect her with anything because I treated staph before I met her and I was afraid it may still be there or something. To my utmost surprise, she was the one who infected me with gonorrhea. I treated mine and hers and ask her to go.

I noticed that she haven't seen her period and asked her and she confirmed it. She left and came back few weeks later that she is pregnant. She insisted that she wanted to have an abortion but I wasn't interested. I told her to keep the child. Besides, she has been the one telling me that my sperm us not working. I laughed over it. I became afraid that she will try something stupid so I took her to a pharmacist friend of mine to discourage her.

Her mother got to know and ask her to call me. I went with a friend and told her mother everything. I started suspecting that the child might not be mine because I treated her of an infection she possibly contacted from another person. In fact, I was shocked when she confessed about the infection. She said it is the toilet they use at home but I never believed her.

I told her mother that I am not sure about the paternity but however, I will take care of her. I told her family that I don't want to marry her and I have told her that severely.

We had a long discussion that day and I left. I started taking care if her the more. I made sure that I made my stand clear on the matter. I don't want to be a murderer so I got to do what is necessary. She started complaining about abuse from her siblings and war started. They beat her almost all the time and I wanted to take it personal. Shit do happen at times but that is not enough reason to kill their sister.

When all this is happening, I was processing my papers. In fact, I started processing my papers before she got pregnant and she is full aware of that. I took another group of friends to their home to help beg the brothers to stop beating her so they don't kill her and the child.

My visa took time so she was almost due for delivery before I left. I sent money to her account and bought some things I felt she would need even the unnecessary ones and left.

My problem now is that she contacted me few days ago to tell me that the scan said she is having twins now not a boy. I can't explain in details because I don't know but the bottom line is that she is now having a twins. I feel for her like I always do.

I don't want to marry out of pity. I don't want to live a promiscuous life. I don't want to marry this girl honestly and having a twins for me just complicated the matter the more.

She said the doctor said she will be delivering this month. I am thinking of sending my uncle and younger brother to her family house to do the iku aka or whatever that is called so I can lay claims to my kids.

Her family is so messed up that I will never want to do anything with them on a normal day. They are from onitsha in anambra and I swore never to marry from that state. That's one of the reason I kept chasing her away. When I say messed up, I am really not that good with English to find the right word to define how disorganized it is.

I am feeling like a monster already. I need all the help that I can get. I never expected this to happen. I never wanted to complicate her life but here I am in the middle of all this.

Should I marry her out of pity and save her the embarrassment or give her money and make sure she comfortable and go ahead with my life. Honestly I don't know what to do.
Ur story is very long tot u say u'll make it short. Anyways dat girl is not a wifey run for ur life guy.
Re: She Is Pregnant With Twins But I Honestly Don't Want To Marry Her. by Nobody: 2:25pm On Jul 07, 2019
madridsta007:


I think you are being overcome with some terrible emotions. It is beclouding your ability to read. Or else all these would not have been necessary.
He was "advised" to go and marry the girl since he had been sleeping with her and she is the mother to his twins.
Apparently, you didn't read this? cheesy undecided

You can give a different advise, yes. But others gave theirs and this is the one I agree with.

Oh yes I read the advice at the end after the avalanche judgemental remarks here and there with unnecessary insults. Truly Nigerian no doubt.
Re: She Is Pregnant With Twins But I Honestly Don't Want To Marry Her. by olufemi7onifade: 2:28pm On Jul 07, 2019
1. Kindly Appologise to Nairalanders for using harsh/insultive words on readers that have so far commented on your post. Even after soliciting it and begging to be upgreaded on front page.

Note; When you go public requesting opinion, not every one will please you and learn to take all in good faith.

For your post to have more than 50,000 views & 19 pages of comments shows we love and care for you.

Dont come to *Great and might Nairaland* if you can't manage our opinion.

2. You are self-centered, selfish, manipulative at its zenith and a very tricky person, you have not really acted nicely, just as evident on your victim and several post..

3. You can also carryout DNA Test at pregnancy. Ensure this is done before or after pregnancy to have closure and keep your mind at rest. If there are your children, take care of them if u marry her or not.

4. Nothing is permanent *she being naive and dumb* can change with the right education and exposure.

5. Please do not marry out of pity.

6. Stop justifying your circumstance and imagine someday someone do samething to your sister or daughter

6. Please dont try this in your new location, cos you will be jailed.

7. Ask an Anambara man from same village with her the Traditional way to go about things

8. Goodluck.

3 Likes

Re: She Is Pregnant With Twins But I Honestly Don't Want To Marry Her. by madridsta007(m): 2:36pm On Jul 07, 2019
1stCitizen:


Oh yes I read the advice at the end after the avalanche judgemental remarks here and there with unnecessary insults. Truly Nigerian no doubt.
Glad you read the advice... Whew! I almost thought you didnt.
Have a super rest of your day.
Re: She Is Pregnant With Twins But I Honestly Don't Want To Marry Her. by Originalsly: 2:39pm On Jul 07, 2019
daddytime:


How you see dem upon say PEJ dey break bottle with English?


I'm following you sooo seriously... then this line!...you crack me up bro!...true...but damn funny!
Re: She Is Pregnant With Twins But I Honestly Don't Want To Marry Her. by ImaIma1(f): 3:01pm On Jul 07, 2019
teelaw4life:


You trusted her not to get pregnant?
I hate commenting on issues like this but I'll be frank with you. I think what you've done is pure evil, downright wicked and insincere.
When did you notice she wouldn't be suitable for you as a life partner? After you started having sex with her right?

Bro...you're wicked. You clearly got into the relationship for sex. But beyond that if sex is what you want, you should have stated it clearly from the start if not, nothing should've stopped you from first observing the kind of person she is and making your decision.
The moment you engage in sexual relations with somebody (without any sort of protection) you're communicating commitment and promising them that they are the one you want to be with.

What ever you want to do, please do it, but I hope and pray that you get the comeuppance you deserve. If the girl was my sister, you'd be seeing hell right now.

You claim she's not smart but it's so obvious that you're just as dumb as she is, otherwise, you wouldn't be in this situation.

Finally stop asking people for suggestions, you know what to do. Do it. But i hope you get exactly what you've paid for.


It's the deception of his actions that is really painful. He knew in his heart, probably from the beginning, that he wasn't going to marry her but he still led her on... having unprotected sex with her.

He went for a naive 19 year old, probably a virgin. And after he has had enough, he needs us to advise him on an exit plan.

I am not even saying he has to marry her but surely sometime in the future, his actions will come back and bite him

4 Likes

Re: She Is Pregnant With Twins But I Honestly Don't Want To Marry Her. by Nobody: 3:08pm On Jul 07, 2019
sirdouglas:
Now before you judge me, I beg you to hear my side of the story.
I said my side of the story cos if she is here, she may not agree with everything I have to say.
This is a lengthy one but I will try to make it as short as possible.
I it is important to note that I am not writing this to be judged or ridiculed. I want matured and reasonable people to help out.

I met this girl in 2017. Can't really remember the month but it should be getting to 2years now. We started dating. As at the time I met her I wasn't struggling, I have my own business and apartment so I wouldn't say she met me when I had nothing. I was a big boy then if I can use that word.
She was just 19 or so then. I am this kind of guy that really really take relationship serious and always looking out to see if things can work out. I don't spend on her, I don't do much for her then. I wanted to see the kind of person she is. She doesn't care or even ask of anything. She might ask for something once in a while but I will pretend I didn't hearw her and to my amazement, she will never talk about it again.
With time I started noticing something about her that I don't like. First is she is really not smart and educated. I noticed that she doesn't have her own say. She listens to gossip and always bore me with what this person said or that person. I really hate that shit.
She is a mama's girl too. Sometimes I wonder if she gives her mom details of our sex life.
She won't sweep the house or do anything for me even while the relationship progressed. I started taking care of her and helping out with her needs. I constantly keep wondering if I can settle down with her but I am always stuck with that question.

I ended the relationship when it was clear to me that I can't live with her. I am an ambitious young man and I am not there yet. I want a woman who will be more than a sex mate. I want someone who can confidently handle my business and manage my home when I am not there. She is to naive to my liking. I am tired trying to build her into the kind of woman I want.

There is only one main reason why I wasn't really hard on her. She was one girl who accepted me from her heart and I know it and I respected that too. I suck when it comes to women and I respect women a lot. You know what they say about guys that respect women. They are mostly single �
She came back few months later. She wasn't ready to let go. Being that I am a loner. My defence wasn't strong enough. We started dating. I got hold of myself and ask her to go again because I couldn't see a future with her and I can't bring myself to be wasting her time.

She wanted to stay, I told her in plain words that I don't want to marry her and that's why I am setting her free.

She left and came back the third time. We had sex and all that but this time I was determined to let her go. I went to a lab for a test with to make sure I didn't infect her with anything because I treated staph before I met her and I was afraid it may still be there or something. To my utmost surprise, she was the one who infected me with gonorrhea. I treated mine and hers and ask her to go.

I noticed that she haven't seen her period and asked her and she confirmed it. She left and came back few weeks later that she is pregnant. She insisted that she wanted to have an abortion but I wasn't interested. I told her to keep the child. Besides, she has been the one telling me that my sperm us not working. I laughed over it. I became afraid that she will try something stupid so I took her to a pharmacist friend of mine to discourage her.

Her mother got to know and ask her to call me. I went with a friend and told her mother everything. I started suspecting that the child might not be mine because I treated her of an infection she possibly contacted from another person. In fact, I was shocked when she confessed about the infection. She said it is the toilet they use at home but I never believed her.

I told her mother that I am not sure about the paternity but however, I will take care of her. I told her family that I don't want to marry her and I have told her that severely.

We had a long discussion that day and I left. I started taking care if her the more. I made sure that I made my stand clear on the matter. I don't want to be a murderer so I got to do what is necessary. She started complaining about abuse from her siblings and war started. They beat her almost all the time and I wanted to take it personal. Shit do happen at times but that is not enough reason to kill their sister.

When all this is happening, I was processing my papers. In fact, I started processing my papers before she got pregnant and she is full aware of that. I took another group of friends to their home to help beg the brothers to stop beating her so they don't kill her and the child.

My visa took time so she was almost due for delivery before I left. I sent money to her account and bought some things I felt she would need even the unnecessary ones and left.

My problem now is that she contacted me few days ago to tell me that the scan said she is having twins now not a boy. I can't explain in details because I don't know but the bottom line is that she is now having a twins. I feel for her like I always do.

I don't want to marry out of pity. I don't want to live a promiscuous life. I don't want to marry this girl honestly and having a twins for me just complicated the matter the more.

She said the doctor said she will be delivering this month. I am thinking of sending my uncle and younger brother to her family house to do the iku aka or whatever that is called so I can lay claims to my kids.

Her family is so messed up that I will never want to do anything with them on a normal day. They are from onitsha in anambra and I swore never to marry from that state. That's one of the reason I kept chasing her away. When I say messed up, I am really not that good with English to find the right word to define how disorganized it is.

I am feeling like a monster already. I need all the help that I can get. I never expected this to happen. I never wanted to complicate her life but here I am in the middle of all this.

Should I marry her out of pity and save her the embarrassment or give her money and make sure she comfortable and go ahead with my life. Honestly I don't know what to do.

See ur head,you don't want to marry from Anambra,how on earth did that lady open her legs for u. Don't marry her......heaven will make a way for her

1 Like

Re: She Is Pregnant With Twins But I Honestly Don't Want To Marry Her. by Perfectionist11: 3:08pm On Jul 07, 2019
Dear OP, I peg your pardon, but you're clearly not as smart as you think you are.

The most irritating discovery from the story you typed is that you believe you're not to blame at all. Despite the fact that you:

* Had so many opportunities to walk out of her life.

* Consistently had raw sex with someone you do not plan to marry in this 21st century without pulling out, even after the girl hinted that she wanted to be pregnant?

* Were to weak to say NO when she came back after every break - up. Probably because of the free sex

You really need wisdom. Now, I'll advice you to;

* Carry out a DNA test to ascertain whether the kids are yours in the presence of your trusted relative since you're far away.

* Not marry her irrespective of the result of the test as marriage is a long journey. And the reality is; you can't transform her if she's not willing to be transformed.


* Decide to help this lady pursue her career goals if it turns out that you're the father of her unborn child, because her naivety and your lack of discipline has altered her journey and knowing this country, probably made it more difficult.

* Learn self control.

3 Likes

Re: She Is Pregnant With Twins But I Honestly Don't Want To Marry Her. by ACE1010: 3:12pm On Jul 07, 2019
daddytime:


Bro, you should have simply allowed that young girl abort that fetus and moved on with her life because it is obvious you already had it all figured out and knew you'd be away for five years hence, your pressure on her to keep the pregnancy as a back up plan for a kid while you are out there exploring other pussayss.

Now tell me, if someone would treat your sister this same way how would you feel or react.

This is cunningly selfish and evil. Pure and simple my guy.

I say it as it is and was presented...

Guy for your mind abi?
What if she dies in the process? I'm sure you know what would happen to the poster. I'm not supporting the guy actions though
Re: She Is Pregnant With Twins But I Honestly Don't Want To Marry Her. by riac(f): 3:13pm On Jul 07, 2019
daddytime:
Judging from your narrative, it is safe to say the young girl is a 'beauty without brains' whatever that means, and I'm sure her beauty was what got you hooked before you tasted the pie and subsequently realized she wasn't so smart.

Bro, I'm going to be straight up with you like I always do man...Selfish and self-centered is what you are (in bold).

You never hear say meat wey person no dey chop say him no suppose use teeth share am?

Oh because she was pretty, undemanding and mgbekeish, you decided to hold on to her, leading her on, and only started being honest to her about your plans when you had started making your travel plans and thus realized she'd be too local for your new status?

My bro, if that girl were my sister, and you had the effrontery to come to my house to spill what you just did here, you wouldn't have been able to use that visa of yours, and I'd have personally aborted the pregnancy with my bare hands. What insult.

If she's not good enough for you to wife, she shouldn't have been good enough for you to dickk and of course mother your baby(s).

This is even worse than a baby mama thingy, this is a baby factory one.

All the story about you making it clear to her that you won't be marrying her are just some cunning silly afterthoughts of a chronic user who had a game plan from the get-go.

There's something I'll tell you now if you like take am if you no like leave am.

I just hope and pray you won't come back looking for and begging this lady in the future and by what time it'd have been late already because you'd pay for your bid to selfishly destroy this young girl's life and dump her. For whom I ask after one o'clock?

Look around you and you'd find examples of cases like this where the man would come begging after years when his recompense would have been served steamy hot.

You no see GEJ and PEJ? How you see dem upon say PEJ dey break bottle with English?

You had better retraced your step, my friend, learn to love that babe, marry her and start a family with her or else you go regret am o.

Forget all these your later later excuses abeg

NB

I am sharing the story below as a result of the op's and his ilks unruly attack on me and my submission just to make them see life from a different perspective and understand from what point my advise was made...


Growing up in the standard Lagos face me I slap you setting in Mafoluku Oshodi when the Military boys held sway in Nigeria, most of the matures here or history savvy's would understand how hopeless and depressing the economy and general standard of living was at this time.

Now, daddy and mummy had chosen to manufacture 11 of us as kids, and I'd be saddled with the onerous task of being the Nigerian "first son" with loads of expectation from me on finding a way to alleviate the family's situation and by extension better the lots of kids I had been brought into the world with at my parents behest and not because I had chosen to come to them.

You can at best imagine daddy, mum, we the kids and a cousin living with us then having to jostle for a space in two-room living space from a sixteen-room face me I face you living set up.

Not able to wrap my mind around the kind of life I had been born into and in the quest to better mine and my family's lot, I decided I was going to quit school, find a way to travel abroad, and go hustle for my family.

Before then, a bachelor neighbor Oli, had chosen our house as the only trusted one where he could drop his keys because he lived with his boys/friends who were all traders at Idumota.

There was one of his roomies who was in his 40's then (Ikenna), who was always ever the last to leave home and would, as usual, drop their key at mine.

My immediate younger sister (Mary) had just finished high school, naive and still a virgin, she'd naturally be at home most times.

In the midst of all these, I had found out I could risk my life through the desert in search of a better life abroad, after all how I want to take get a visa, and if I die, I die but I had decided I'd rather die trying instead of sitting, watching my family ravaged by poverty and still die. All die na die I had told my young self.

Got myself prepped, lied to my dad and made him raise me some little cash, and into the desert, I proceeded.

For two whole years, I had languished on the road and was only able to communicate with my family after about 6 months of living home. For sure they'd thought I had gone back to my maker.

After the two unforgettable years of languish, I had succeeded into Spain eventually, called up daddy to break the news to him, he didn't quite believe me. Note that this was before the era of mobile phones. Sensing that daddy was having a hard time believing i was in Spain finally, i had dropped the line, did a western union money transfer from the locotorium I was calling from, called him back and furnished him with the transfer details.

Then and only then was I able to convince daddy otherwise.

To be continued.....


Please, waiting for the concluding part

Re: She Is Pregnant With Twins But I Honestly Don't Want To Marry Her. by Xavage7(m): 3:19pm On Jul 07, 2019
nnamdiosu:




Before I even say anything, its amazing to see someone in this times and age, (a guy for that matter), with a strong conscience, sincerity and noble intentions. You really are the real MVP .

Now straight to the matter

1. Forget abt marriage. If you tow that line,it will transform you to a monster. You know why? the reaction of a sincere conscience would haunt you and make you take it out on her. You would loath her, you, and even the baby because you aren't sure its yours.

2. Don't try number 1, again I warn you.

Solution ?
1. When the baby is out , do a DNA test. That's the first thing first. Because in as much as you don't believe its yours, IT COULD STILL BE YOURS. ITS A 50-50. No one knows for sure yet.

2. If its yours, Set her up in a business if you can. Rent an accomdation too her them. Pregnancy doesn't mandate marriage ok?. Mandate her to save constantly because you won't always be available to dish out money that will set her on her toes. From time to time, check them out, get gifts ,ensure you stay in important times in the children's life. Bdays, first days at school etc.get photos and videos as evidences and proof (that's another story I don't want to get to). Pay kids bills or needs. Not necessary hers. You can pay directly into their school account etc. But ensure the mom pays some aspect. Don't foot all, I repeat don't foot all.

3. Set up an account where you pay in something no matter how small for them.
At an age you deem them matured, roll it over to them. In essence keep the kids in your life.


Now, if the kids aren't yours after testing,
1. Laugh out loud
2. Come and inform me here, quote this message and I promise to laugh on your behalf too.it's a promise smiley

3. Give her some funds to set up a biz (optional, you're not mandatated too, but for Gods sake, and mercy for the kids. Cos in that house, they will kill her)

4. Rent a small apartment, even if its one room (optional as before)

5. Be careful.
6. Be careful.
7. Be careful again.

God help and bless you. Amen
You have said it all op... Please re read... This is not a new issue

1 Like

Re: She Is Pregnant With Twins But I Honestly Don't Want To Marry Her. by Belrandstar: 3:22pm On Jul 07, 2019
sirdouglas:
Now before you judge me, I beg you to hear my side of the story.
I said my side of the story cos if she is here, she may not agree with everything I have to say.
This is a lengthy one but I will try to make it as short as possible.
I it is important to note that I am not writing this to be judged or ridiculed. I want matured and reasonable people to help out.

I met this girl in 2017. Can't really remember the month but it should be getting to 2years now. We started dating. As at the time I met her I wasn't struggling, I have my own business and apartment so I wouldn't say she met me when I had nothing. I was a big boy then if I can use that word.
She was just 19 or so then. I am this kind of guy that really really take relationship serious and always looking out to see if things can work out. I don't spend on her, I don't do much for her then. I wanted to see the kind of person she is. She doesn't care or even ask of anything. She might ask for something once in a while but I will pretend I didn't hearw her and to my amazement, she will never talk about it again.
With time I started noticing something about her that I don't like. First is she is really not smart and educated. I noticed that she doesn't have her own say. She listens to gossip and always bore me with what this person said or that person. I really hate that shit.
She is a mama's girl too. Sometimes I wonder if she gives her mom details of our sex life.
She won't sweep the house or do anything for me even while the relationship progressed. I started taking care of her and helping out with her needs. I constantly keep wondering if I can settle down with her but I am always stuck with that question.

I ended the relationship when it was clear to me that I can't live with her. I am an ambitious young man and I am not there yet. I want a woman who will be more than a sex mate. I want someone who can confidently handle my business and manage my home when I am not there. She is to naive to my liking. I am tired trying to build her into the kind of woman I want.

There is only one main reason why I wasn't really hard on her. She was one girl who accepted me from her heart and I know it and I respected that too. I suck when it comes to women and I respect women a lot. You know what they say about guys that respect women. They are mostly single �
She came back few months later. She wasn't ready to let go. Being that I am a loner. My defence wasn't strong enough. We started dating. I got hold of myself and ask her to go again because I couldn't see a future with her and I can't bring myself to be wasting her time.

She wanted to stay, I told her in plain words that I don't want to marry her and that's why I am setting her free.

She left and came back the third time. We had sex and all that but this time I was determined to let her go. I went to a lab for a test with to make sure I didn't infect her with anything because I treated staph before I met her and I was afraid it may still be there or something. To my utmost surprise, she was the one who infected me with gonorrhea. I treated mine and hers and ask her to go.

I noticed that she haven't seen her period and asked her and she confirmed it. She left and came back few weeks later that she is pregnant. She insisted that she wanted to have an abortion but I wasn't interested. I told her to keep the child. Besides, she has been the one telling me that my sperm us not working. I laughed over it. I became afraid that she will try something stupid so I took her to a pharmacist friend of mine to discourage her.

Her mother got to know and ask her to call me. I went with a friend and told her mother everything. I started suspecting that the child might not be mine because I treated her of an infection she possibly contacted from another person. In fact, I was shocked when she confessed about the infection. She said it is the toilet they use at home but I never believed her.

I told her mother that I am not sure about the paternity but however, I will take care of her. I told her family that I don't want to marry her and I have told her that severely.

We had a long discussion that day and I left. I started taking care if her the more. I made sure that I made my stand clear on the matter. I don't want to be a murderer so I got to do what is necessary. She started complaining about abuse from her siblings and war started. They beat her almost all the time and I wanted to take it personal. Shit do happen at times but that is not enough reason to kill their sister.

When all this is happening, I was processing my papers. In fact, I started processing my papers before she got pregnant and she is full aware of that. I took another group of friends to their home to help beg the brothers to stop beating her so they don't kill her and the child.

My visa took time so she was almost due for delivery before I left. I sent money to her account and bought some things I felt she would need even the unnecessary ones and left.

My problem now is that she contacted me few days ago to tell me that the scan said she is having twins now not a boy. I can't explain in details because I don't know but the bottom line is that she is now having a twins. I feel for her like I always do.

I don't want to marry out of pity. I don't want to live a promiscuous life. I don't want to marry this girl honestly and having a twins for me just complicated the matter the more.

She said the doctor said she will be delivering this month. I am thinking of sending my uncle and younger brother to her family house to do the iku aka or whatever that is called so I can lay claims to my kids.

Her family is so messed up that I will never want to do anything with them on a normal day. They are from onitsha in anambra and I swore never to marry from that state. That's one of the reason I kept chasing her away. When I say messed up, I am really not that good with English to find the right word to define how disorganized it is.

I am feeling like a monster already. I need all the help that I can get. I never expected this to happen. I never wanted to complicate her life but here I am in the middle of all this.

Should I marry her out of pity and save her the embarrassment or give her money and make sure she comfortable and go ahead with my life. Honestly I don't know what to do.


try again the brain is limitless...
Don't just give up, keep trying till you mold her till what you want her to be

1 Like

Re: She Is Pregnant With Twins But I Honestly Don't Want To Marry Her. by teelaw4life(m): 3:24pm On Jul 07, 2019
ImaIma1:


It's the deception of his actions that is really painful. He knew in his heart, probably from the beginning, that he wasn't going to marry her but he still led her on... having unprotected sex with her.

He went for a naive 19 year old, probably a virgin. And after he has had enough, he needs us to advise him on an exit plan.

I am not even saying he has to marry her but surely sometime in the future, his actions will come back and bite him

Amen. It will definitely come back to bite him.

1 Like

Re: She Is Pregnant With Twins But I Honestly Don't Want To Marry Her. by bowerazzi(m): 3:25pm On Jul 07, 2019
My brother this one tire me ogidigon ....
Re: She Is Pregnant With Twins But I Honestly Don't Want To Marry Her. by Karnice600: 3:30pm On Jul 07, 2019
You should ve sought for counsel way back before now. You spilled the milk already.

You let your emotions drive you and gave wisdom the backseat.

You created what you didn't like by having what you liked without foresight, until you got trapped.

Now the only way out is to accept and manage what you created.

That's responsibility.

Even if you ignore some good opinions given here, dump her and marry someone else you claim to "love", there exists a high probability you'll likely mess things up again .

Marriage or no marriage, discipline and foresight are some of the core elements that keep you on track as a man.

If you don't have it, you can't give it. Work on that.

You didn't carry out due findings about the family.
If the little you could see look "messed up", how much more the ones you can't see, deep in the background/foundation? (talking about causes and effects)

Right now, you're vunerable to whatever her family decide to hit you with: Diabolic or legal.

I'll advise you seek the elders counsel from your family. They understand the rites and ancient landmarks better than you do. This is Africa.

They can approach the girl's family with better understanding. This matter is way beyond you right now. Be blunt with them and tell them what you want, as well as acknowledge your misdeeds.

Hand it over to the right hands and be ready to take slaps and swallow insults.

Whether you marry her or not, do what tradition demands to some extent, at least.

Mind you, this is not the time to form born again, running from church to church and saying old things have passed away.

God will see you through by HIS mercies.

1 Like

Re: She Is Pregnant With Twins But I Honestly Don't Want To Marry Her. by daddytime(m): 3:39pm On Jul 07, 2019
[quote author=riac post=80031142][/quote]

grin

Amebo girl...
Re: She Is Pregnant With Twins But I Honestly Don't Want To Marry Her. by Obynolee(m): 3:39pm On Jul 07, 2019
[quote author=sirdouglas post=79985421]

You can see how people with perfect lives are condemning me already. I doubt if some of them read all that I said.

The thing is this, I will be spending at least 5 years abroad. I am sure I am spending five years there because I decided it and I am not living illegally so I will only leave when I want to. She knows that too. I said at least because I don't know what tomorrow holds and I really don't want to be in Nigeria anytime soon and I just left. Barely three months now.

I can't keep her waiting and the two kids is going to make it really difficult. It would have been easier if it is one.

What I am asking is, I don't know anambra traditions very well but there are parts that won't let you go with the child if you didn't pay the bride price or iku aka I really don't know how the whole thing is done and whoever that marries the girl goes with the child. I really want her to get married and I am really sorry this is happening but I wouldn't want to lose my claim on my kids if finally they are mine to anyone or situation.


From the legal side,that Igbo custom that denies a man custodian of his child on the ground that a dowry was not paid had been abolished because it is repugnant to natural justice equity and good conscience.All you need do is to approach a high court with the DNA test and the child is yours but if you don't want it to get to that level, based on custom, the best time to pay the dowry is before the delivery of the child NOT AFTER DELIVERY.

2 Likes

Re: She Is Pregnant With Twins But I Honestly Don't Want To Marry Her. by BarrElChapo(m): 4:02pm On Jul 07, 2019
I didn't even read past first page but what struck me was the OPs arrogance.. I can bet that this OP is in his 30s, you picked up a naive 19yr old, wooed and got her pregnant and here you are claiming self righteous.
Didn't you know she was from Anambra from the start, never was it mentioned that it was the reason for your wanting a separation yet you stayed with a person whose state of origin you despised.
You say wasnt smart yet she was able to warm her way back to your heart severally and your demented self took her back.
Big boy wey no fit find big girl date. you have no standards and no conscience too, I pray you do something wrong to the girl and she curses you from her heart and God approves, so you can see small shege.
Re: She Is Pregnant With Twins But I Honestly Don't Want To Marry Her. by Ashley34: 4:07pm On Jul 07, 2019
Larbosky:


Doctor Ashley, that's a misconception. Study your genetics very well.
We learn everyday. His sisters carries the gene that's what I know. Abi can sperm split into two to form twin births?
Re: She Is Pregnant With Twins But I Honestly Don't Want To Marry Her. by Tydarl: 4:12pm On Jul 07, 2019
I wish Nigerian women can read this thread and all the replies from many demented men to see how Bleep!d their life is in Nigeria and how some Nigerian men don’t care about the lives of women at all. Women are to be used, abused and discarded.

A grown man who is endlessly foolish kept having raw sex with a 19-yr old Naive girl. He can’t marry her, he can’t stop sexually abusing the naive child, he can’t help her but he wants the children she will birth.

Ah! God have mercy!

3 Likes

Re: She Is Pregnant With Twins But I Honestly Don't Want To Marry Her. by FROGMAN101(m): 4:20pm On Jul 07, 2019
Bbbwings:
I'm not asking this nigga to marry the girl.

I'm just angry about him for being so manipulative.

His psychological profile is bordering on a psychopath.

Psychopath? Not even close. Do you even know traits of that disorder?

He has shown compassion to take care of the twins.Your Psychopath claims are dumbfounded.

The only reason you tagged him with the P word is cause he’s refused to marry the girl.

Not like I support him or anything but he has a choice to decide what he wants. Remember that.

1 Like

Re: She Is Pregnant With Twins But I Honestly Don't Want To Marry Her. by REUB2: 4:24pm On Jul 07, 2019
why is this guy taking it personal na, you asked for advice and peoples are advising, just sit down,read and take the one u want pls sir.u are an adult and educated.
Re: She Is Pregnant With Twins But I Honestly Don't Want To Marry Her. by REUB2: 4:36pm On Jul 07, 2019
why is this guy taking person, you asked for advice and peoples are advising you,just take the one you want and leave this talk,u are adult for godsake
Re: She Is Pregnant With Twins But I Honestly Don't Want To Marry Her. by needful: 4:36pm On Jul 07, 2019
sirdouglas:
Now before you judge me, I beg you to hear my side of the story.
I said my side of the story cos if she is here, she may not agree with everything I have to say.
This is a lengthy one but I will try to make it as short as possible.
I it is important to note that I am not writing this to be judged or ridiculed. I want matured and reasonable people to help out.

I met this girl in 2017. Can't really remember the month but it should be getting to 2years now. We started dating. As at the time I met her I wasn't struggling, I have my own business and apartment so I wouldn't say she met me when I had nothing. I was a big boy then if I can use that word.
She was just 19 or so then. I am this kind of guy that really really take relationship serious and always looking out to see if things can work out. I don't spend on her, I don't do much for her then. I wanted to see the kind of person she is. She doesn't care or even ask of anything. She might ask for something once in a while but I will pretend I didn't hearw her and to my amazement, she will never talk about it again.
With time I started noticing something about her that I don't like. First is she is really not smart and educated. I noticed that she doesn't have her own say. She listens to gossip and always bore me with what this person said or that person. I really hate that shit.
She is a mama's girl too. Sometimes I wonder if she gives her mom details of our sex life.
She won't sweep the house or do anything for me even while the relationship progressed. I started taking care of her and helping out with her needs. I constantly keep wondering if I can settle down with her but I am always stuck with that question.

I ended the relationship when it was clear to me that I can't live with her. I am an ambitious young man and I am not there yet. I want a woman who will be more than a sex mate. I want someone who can confidently handle my business and manage my home when I am not there. She is to naive to my liking. I am tired trying to build her into the kind of woman I want.

There is only one main reason why I wasn't really hard on her. She was one girl who accepted me from her heart and I know it and I respected that too. I suck when it comes to women and I respect women a lot. You know what they say about guys that respect women. They are mostly single �
She came back few months later. She wasn't ready to let go. Being that I am a loner. My defence wasn't strong enough. We started dating. I got hold of myself and ask her to go again because I couldn't see a future with her and I can't bring myself to be wasting her time.

She wanted to stay, I told her in plain words that I don't want to marry her and that's why I am setting her free.

She left and came back the third time. We had sex and all that but this time I was determined to let her go. I went to a lab for a test with to make sure I didn't infect her with anything because I treated staph before I met her and I was afraid it may still be there or something. To my utmost surprise, she was the one who infected me with gonorrhea. I treated mine and hers and ask her to go.

I noticed that she haven't seen her period and asked her and she confirmed it. She left and came back few weeks later that she is pregnant. She insisted that she wanted to have an abortion but I wasn't interested. I told her to keep the child. Besides, she has been the one telling me that my sperm us not working. I laughed over it. I became afraid that she will try something stupid so I took her to a pharmacist friend of mine to discourage her.

Her mother got to know and ask her to call me. I went with a friend and told her mother everything. I started suspecting that the child might not be mine because I treated her of an infection she possibly contacted from another person. In fact, I was shocked when she confessed about the infection. She said it is the toilet they use at home but I never believed her.

I told her mother that I am not sure about the paternity but however, I will take care of her. I told her family that I don't want to marry her and I have told her that severely.

We had a long discussion that day and I left. I started taking care if her the more. I made sure that I made my stand clear on the matter. I don't want to be a murderer so I got to do what is necessary. She started complaining about abuse from her siblings and war started. They beat her almost all the time and I wanted to take it personal. Shit do happen at times but that is not enough reason to kill their sister.

When all this is happening, I was processing my papers. In fact, I started processing my papers before she got pregnant and she is full aware of that. I took another group of friends to their home to help beg the brothers to stop beating her so they don't kill her and the child.

My visa took time so she was almost due for delivery before I left. I sent money to her account and bought some things I felt she would need even the unnecessary ones and left.

My problem now is that she contacted me few days ago to tell me that the scan said she is having twins now not a boy. I can't explain in details because I don't know but the bottom line is that she is now having a twins. I feel for her like I always do.

I don't want to marry out of pity. I don't want to live a promiscuous life. I don't want to marry this girl honestly and having a twins for me just complicated the matter the more.

She said the doctor said she will be delivering this month. I am thinking of sending my uncle and younger brother to her family house to do the iku aka or whatever that is called so I can lay claims to my kids.

Her family is so messed up that I will never want to do anything with them on a normal day. They are from onitsha in anambra and I swore never to marry from that state. That's one of the reason I kept chasing her away. When I say messed up, I am really not that good with English to find the right word to define how disorganized it is.

I am feeling like a monster already. I need all the help that I can get. I never expected this to happen. I never wanted to complicate her life but here I am in the middle of all this.

Should I marry her out of pity and save her the embarrassment or give her money and make sure she comfortable and go ahead with my life. Honestly I don't know what to do.

O boy, i am going to judge u because u took advantage of an innocent girl. She was beautiful and mgbekish and u knew all that and decided to put her in a family way. Do u see how selfish some of u men are?. Do you know the well know Genevive Nnaji?. This is exactly her case, a matured guy got her pregnant when she was a teenager at 18yrs, left her and went abroad, when she had the baby, oh my goodness. She went thru hail In the hands of her parent. The idiot came back and claimed the baby because the parents had nothing. When she came of age, she hated men so much that if u give her a gun, she will shoot everyman that came her way. She was determined and guess what, few yrs later, she went back to the idiot and took her child away, and God started flourishing her thru acting. The man that got her pregnant got deported from the State for reason no one know. Now the fool is languishing in the village without wife nor children while Genevieve is enjoying with her money and daughter. This said Genevieve is worth over 3b$. Stopping taking advantage of teenagers in the name of free sex. U will forever regret it if you dont marry her and someone else will definitely pay u back in 100packs.

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: She Is Pregnant With Twins But I Honestly Don't Want To Marry Her. by lereinter(m): 4:39pm On Jul 07, 2019
Goat sleeping around without condom
Re: She Is Pregnant With Twins But I Honestly Don't Want To Marry Her. by obillyj(f): 4:41pm On Jul 07, 2019
sirdouglas:


In as much as you are trying to be mean. I understand your point. For the record, I am not a boy. I will appreciate if you address me with more respect.

Marrying her will not be such a bad idea but we may not enjoy the marriage. Especially her. She has said it over time that she knows that I don't love her. In as much as that is not entirely true, it is not far from it. She doesn't fit my profile for a wife and that is why I have been trying to end the relationship.

If this is coming from a woman I will understand but coming from a guy makes me want to ask you how old you are. Sorry but that's so insensitive of you and immature.

I never meant ill for her and I have been as reasonable and honest I can be with the situation. Judging me won't solve the problem.
What about a girl that a guy rejected for good three times and told her that he doesn't like her for marriage and she is still insisting and keep coming back? It's a two way thingb ro and I am expecting you to be more reasonable with your replies.

She doesn't fit your profile for a wife but she fits your profile for a sex machine and baby factory. It annoys me you keep saying that. If she was never good for marriage, why the sex at all even without protection? That's wickedness. You should have let her go from the onset. Guy you are mean and wicked. Men like you disgust me... You have made her your baby mama for who to marry her?
Re: She Is Pregnant With Twins But I Honestly Don't Want To Marry Her. by bakeuhappy: 4:46pm On Jul 07, 2019
[quote author=Obynolee post=80031861][/quote]
Oga Ibo tradition does not allow for any right to be done on a woman once it's known she's pregnant.

2: you knew she was young, naive and foolish.. I'm not saying you shouldn't do but I'm asking since you are older and more mature, you should have used a 'condom'. In the absence of using a condom why didn't you buy her the morning after pill ?

3. She's not polished o yeah!! Not enough excuse to dump her.. You can polish her to your standards..

4. Love grows and love wanes what makes a solid marriage in my opinion are: respect, trust and friendship.. When you grow to old and weak for sex.. It's the bond that's created through friendship that holds the relationship

5. I'm not saying you should marry her or not but my advice to you is to sleep over this issue and think it through very well.. It's not going to be an easy ride.. Especially when she gives birth and you saying her mum will help out isn't automatic because her mum has her own life to live.. Your mum might be in a better position to help out.

6. I understand a bit of you saying you don't want to marry from Anambra. I'm from IMO state and learnt about the Anambra/Imo bruhaha. But I don't judge people based on where they come from but on individual basis. I can tell you that my closest friends are from Anambra state and they have stood by me through thick and thin.


7. Whatever you have chosen to do. It's your decision and your choice to make but 'do the right thing '.
Re: She Is Pregnant With Twins But I Honestly Don't Want To Marry Her. by obillyj(f): 4:53pm On Jul 07, 2019
sirdouglas:


What if I had given her money to do abortion or helped her with it and travel then few years down the line she couldn't conceive or complications from tje abortion claims her life later. Will it be better?? With the kind of condenmination that I am getting from my fellow guys, now I understand why others always choose the easy way out. I hope you know accepting this pregnancy has cost me a great deal? Financially, emotionally, socially and every f*cking part of my being?

Why I don't want to marry from Anambra? I have some personal reasons for that. I didn't just wake up one morning and made that decision.

Keep your mouth lashing to youself. I know your life is perfect but allow me to sort mine in peace. I am not begging for money remember. And don't for a minute that you are more civilized than me. Sh*t do happen and you are suppose to understand that.

If you can't. Mpa nyem efe dia.

This man you are so annoying. You don't want to marry from Anambra but you want to date and pregnant them. So absurd. Stop justifying yourself by you not encouraging abortion because it is not a big deal. You should have encouraged it now if your head is not properly screwed to your neck.
What do you expect by the way, that everyone will give you a pat on the back? Hell no, we all reason differently. So suck it up.it's part of the deal. In as much as I won't encourage you to marry out of pity, search your conscience well. Is this lady really that bad that you can't reform her? The period you tried to do so, did you use the right approach? I strongly believe anyone willing for a changed can be reformed. She may not fit ur status now but it is you to mold her into it. There is no perfect woman out there, rather you pick the imperfect woman and mold her into a perfect woman of your dream. No one is totally useless. It takes patience, commitment, dedication and faith.

1 Like

Re: She Is Pregnant With Twins But I Honestly Don't Want To Marry Her. by Newshrink: 4:58pm On Jul 07, 2019
sirdouglas:
I want to also add that if it is true that she is having twins, then the issue of whether I am the father or not is eliminated because we have twins in our family. My two sisters are twins, my uncle had twins also so it wouldn't come as a surprise if it's true.

If it can be brought to the front page I will be glad. I need all the suggestions I can get. Please


Sorry bro, I have not read other comments just in case they have dealt with this. Twinning does not run along male lines. It's along female lines. Your sisters would be cause your mum produced 2 ova at the time or 1 that divided in case of fraternal twins. Same as your uncles twins will by virtue of his wife.
Not trying to bust the bubble or say they aren't yours. Just saying this does not prove anything yet.

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