I'm very disturbed now

This might be long

I don't know if he's the one assaulting her or she's the one doing so.. I don't even know what is going on

I got back from work, went to the bathroom and when I came out, I saw my son entering a room. He was calling her name and entered. I've been suspecting something like this so I used the opportunity to peep. I saw my son sitting close to her, putting his hand across her neck, this time she was giving a faint smile while putting her palms on her face. Later the boy went to her back and started squeezing her breast from behind. Mehn.. I'm sad, shocked, bad.. Everything. I called him and I pretended not to see anything, why? I know if I react, I'll severely deal with him and that won't change anything because he's been poisoned already. I feel like I've failed as a father already.

He's 7 turning to 8,the girl is 14. I seriously don't know what to do about my son, in fact I can't eat to think well. I'll be sending away the girl though but I'm sure that won't stop my son from doing things. Especially in his school. I'm afraid of anything that may happen.

First time I noticed a strange relationship between them, i called him, talked to him about not showing his pen.is to anyone, to keep himself covered and all sort, asked him questions about anyone touching him in any manner and he said no. I asked him about his friends in school.. He named 8 of dem and 2 of them are girls.

I've failed as a father. My wife is not yet back but when I tell her, she will beat the boy and that won't change anything. I don't know where I went wrong. The maid bathes the boy, dresses for him too. Maybe that's where the issue lies. My wife just gave birth and that's why we employed a maid to help her and take care of the house till the baby is old enough.

I don't know where he got it from, I've stopped my wife from watching movies on dstv anytime he's with her.. She only watches redeemed channel and maybe news then when he's asleep, she face her movies. She asked why and i said there was a day I came back from work, and the way he greeted me was very strange... Normally, I relate with him as if we are age mates.. I can say my guy, how u dey na and he replies with daddy, I just gentle... Just normal guyman things but this one is totally different and no one needs to tell me he got it from the movies.. No one.

Maybe I have to take charge of bathing him

He's a very smart boy.. Very very smart and that's my fear.. And for him to be exposed to this has duely affected me.

Please help me.. Abuse me, curse me.. I don't have a choice.. Just help me

Pardon my English pls.. Just help

Unmhnm! This is a serious matter. You need to relate with your boy as a Father to a son and not as guy to guy.
Then you need to seriously caution that your house maid.

For the first time in a while.




I really don't know what to say.



But since your son is smart, call him and talk to him like a man.



He's still your best friend.



The koko is.. The faster you act, the better for both you ,your son and the future of this country.

You need to correct and guide your son. He's still very young so he's still very malleable. Spend time and have regular talks with him. Teach him how about morality and decency. Educate yourself on how best to give your children sex education. It's your responsibility.

To be father no be beans. Channel your sadness into finding how best to help your son. It's worth every effort.

If you don't man up and give him the needed love, discipline and guidance today, he go give you headache tomorrow.

' Na when iron hot dem dey turn am to any shape'

Before sending the girl away, you should question her. The information you get from her would help in knowing how all this started and from there, you'll definitely know how to approach it. One thing is certain, he's likely to practice whatever he's into now with other kids. Act fast before it's too late.

Send her home immediately,have a Sex Talk with your son. Change your Dstv pg settings to his age range and lastly pray for him.

ifex370:
For the first time in a while.




I really don't know what to say.



But since your son is smart, call him and talk to him like a man.



He's still your best friend.

He is bro.. He's my nigga.. That's why i relate with him as if we are mates

I don't mean to gloat over your son's misfortune but this is what happens when a mother leaves the raising of her children to outsiders. Let me guess your wife is too busy to take care of the kids right? Because shes a "modern working class woman".

Go and ask women abroad how they manage to work full time and still raise their own children without househelp. Unlike these ones in Nigeria who after just one child, they can't do chores again. House helps are then put in place to assume the duties of a wife and mother.

Your son is one of many children out there suffering the consequences of these lifestyle choices.

Libo45:
You need to correct and guide your son. He's still very young so he's still very malleable. Spend time and have regular talks with him. Teach him how about morality and decency. Educate yourself on how best to give your children sex education. It's your responsibility.

To be father no be beans. Channel your sadness into finding how best to help your son. It's worth every effort.

If you don't man up and give him the needed love, discipline and guidance today, he go give you headache tomorrow.

' Na when iron hot dem dey turn am to any shape'

Thank you

Timih:

He is bro.. He's my nigga.. That's why i relate with him as if we are mates

Yeah, be a man and tell him what you saw.. Tell him to explain himself before mummy gets home, ask him why he did what he did and where he learnt it from..



Make sure you let him know the gravity of what he did.

After a good talk and a few whips.. He'll be as good as new.

GrabHisBalls:
Before sending the girl away, you should question her. The information you get from her would help in knowing how all this started and from there, you'll definitely know how to approach it. One thing is certain, he's likely to practice whatever he's into now with other kids. Act fast before it's too late.

I'll do that... The fear of his smartness is what I have to overcome

Beating him will solve many things I assure u
Okay don't beat d young man but punish him at least don't let this thing become a thing out of control a little correction is needed here and there
Alright alright I don't like beating but seriously u need to do more like punish both of them together so they understand that it's a two way street they both eired.

genq:
I don't mean to gloat over your son's misfortune but this is what happens when a mother leaves the raising of her children to outsiders. Let me guess your wife is too busy to take care of the kids right? Because shes a "modern working class woman".

Go and ask women abroad how they manage to work full time and still raise their own children without househelp. Unlike these ones in Nigeria who after just one child, they can't do chores again. House helps are then put in place to assume the duties of a wife and mother.

Your son is one of many children out there suffering the consequences of these lifestyle choices.

She's not... We didn't have maid before.. We just employed this maid because she just gave birth and we just relocated few months ago....our plan is when the baby is old enough, the maid will go.. The maid's work is limited

LadySarah:
I have 2 sons ,a 2 week newborn and a 14 yr old help.He has never bathed My kids.It is solely between My husband and i.His job is strictly companionship afterschool hrs .We decided it because few mins of bathing them in the mornings and at night will not remove anything from us.
As it stands,he is gone and we shared the job between us.If we told You our fears escalated when My Aunt's 3 sons under 8 were anally molested by her help then we decided no more help.
Send her home immediately,have a Sex Talk with your son. Change your Dstv pg settings to his age range and lastly pray for him.

Thank you... I'll up my sex talk with him

Kweeeke! Epechime...

Aidejay:
Beating him will solve many things I assure u
Okay don't best d young man but punish him at least don't let this thing become a thing out of control a little correction is needed here and there
Alright alright I don't like beating but seriously u need to do more like punish both of them together so they understand that it's a two way street they both eired.

To beat him is not the issue.. My fear is what has been deposited in him.

Ishilove:
Kweeeke! Epechime...

No leave me like this

Timih:

She's not... We didn't have maid before.. We just employed this maid because she just gave birth and we just relocated few months ago....our plan is when the baby is old enough, the maid will go.. The maid's work is limited

Good.

But just so you know, that 14 year old girl you employed is a CHILD just as your son is. It could very much be a mutual affair between them.

I know your madam will beat that girl once she hears of it but I must warn you that if she lays a hand on that girl child, she will never know joy over her own children. Mark my words.

I'm just warning you ahead of time. Protect and guide that girl like she is your own. If your wife cannot correct her in love, then send her back peacefully.

Timih:

To beat him is not the issue.. My fear is what has been deposited in him.

okay okay I agree. From my experience the next best thing is to sit him down and talk it out. It's done already u can't erase it but u can ensure that he finds solace in the fact that you are there to protect him. And love him irrespective of his errors, also d girl u can't just abandon the poor child due to your fatherly instincts pushing the reject button let her be there too let both of them talk and reveal what's behind the curtain. Most boys strive to make sure they don't disappoint their fathers and that's a fathers greatest tool the fear of dissappointment use it at will but don't over do it cause it starts wearing off
Plus children see and do it's not enough to just switch back to d movies when he is asleep how sure are u that he's asleep or unattentive try news, football and good TV shows they work better. Religious programmes start becoming a drag. More attention is needed pay more attention to what he is saying, watching, playing with, looking at, doing. In d end he's going to be okay honestly u can't protect him from everything but u can make sure he knows where to go to when he's in trouble or confused and that place should be you

genq:


Good.

But just so you know, that 14 year old girl you employed is a CHILD just as your son is. It could very much be a mutual affair between them.

I know your madam will beat that girl once she hears of it but I must warn you that if she lays a hand on that girl child, she will never know joy over her own children. Mark my words.

I'm just warning you ahead of time. Protect and guide that girl like she is your own. If your wife cannot correct her in love, then send her back peacefully.

Me and my wife have never laid a hand on the girl.. We treat her like own.. We don't maltreat her at all

Timih:

To beat him is not the issue.. My fear is what has been deposited in him.

Beating him is not a remedy as was suggested. Have a one to one talk with the maid, to get information on how long the molestation has been going on and before sending her away, you should have spoken to your son what you have seen him doing with the maid and why it is wrong and pre-inform him that the maid will be leaving so that when she leaves he would not become withdrawn because his mind has associated her presence to "pleasure".

Aidejay:
okay okay I agree. From my experience the next best thing is to sit him down and talk it out. It's done already u can't erase it but u can ensure that he finds solace in the fact that you are there to protect him. And love him irrespective of his errors, also d girl u can't just abandon the poor child due to your fatherly instincts pushing the reject button let her be there too let both of them talk and reveal what's behind the curtain. Most boys strive to make sure they don't disappoint their fathers and that's a fathers greatest tool the fear of dissappointment use it at will but don't over do it cause it starts wearing off
Plus children see and do it's not enough to just switch back to d movies when he is asleep how sure are u that he's asleep or unattentive try news, football and good TV shows they work better. Religious programmes start becoming a drag. More attention is needed pay more attention to what he is saying, watching, playing with, looking at, doing. In d end he's going to be okay honestly u can't protect him from everything but u can make sure he knows where to go to when he's in trouble or confused and that place should be you

. Thank you for this.. He sleeps in my room alongside with my wife, so I'm very sure about him sleeping.. He's even afraid of darkness so there's no way he can crawl out to watch TV even though I keep the remote in a place his hands can't reach.. There's time for him to watch TV.. I don't deny him that.. I just don't watch the TV with him except football.. We watch that together all the time I'm around.. He's still angry about Nigeria's loss to Madagascar sha.. So I just tune in to a cartoon station and off I go with the remote... No way for him to watch any other thing unless they show another thing on the cartoon station

Modified
Me and my wife do not have sex in the presence of the boy, me and my wife don't work under anyone so we decide the day we will have it and all the time we have sex, the boy is always in school.. Only morning and afternoon, we don't have sex at night

We are never careless about showing much affection in his presence. So no way he got it from us

Pavore9:


Beating him is not a remedy as was suggested. Have a one to one talk with the maid, to get information on how long the molestation has been going on and before sending her away, you should have spoken to your son what you have seen him doing with the maid and why it is wrong and pre-inform him that the maid will be leaving so that when she leaves he would not become withdrawn because his mind has associated her presence to "pleasure".

Thank you

Dude e be like say u wan spoil d boy. Na naija u dey o not abroad. By the way, how can an 8 year old boy not bath himself

Timih:
. Thank you for this.. He sleeps in my room alongside with my wife, so I'm very sure about him sleeping.. He's even afraid of darkness so there's no way he can crawl out to watch TV even though I keep the remote in a place his hands can't reach.. There's time for him to watch TV.. I don't deny him that.. I just don't watch the TV with him except football.. We watch that together all the time in around.. He's still angry about Nigeria's loss to Madagascar sha.. So I just tune in to a cartoon station and off I go with the remote... No way for him to watch any other thing unless they show another thing on the cartoon station

I will call both of them together and threatened to lock them up if they don’t tell me who taught the other this nonsense. I will embarrass them in the presence of her parent and my partner.

If she taught my child this nonsense, by God, I am beating her ass.

Next I will take them for counseling everyday. Either ways, my child isn’t escaping some serious punishment.

Talk to your son. Tell him the maid was wrong to have made him engage in those acts (she is older than him, is more exposed and is obviously the one who has been taken advantage of him), that he SHOULD NOT practice what he has been doing w| any girl nor force any girl to do them w| him, ever!

Watch him closely in the house and ask his Teachers to alert you if they notice any behavioural changes in him.

Pavore9:


Beating him is not a remedy as was suggested. Have a one to one talk with the maid, to get information on how long the molestation has been going on and before sending her away, you should have spoken to your son what you have seen him doing with the maid and why it is wrong and pre-inform him that the maid will be leaving so that when she leaves he would not become withdrawn because his mind has associated her presence to "pleasure".

Beating is part of the remedy. It should be part of the rehabilitation process.

genq:
I don't mean to gloat over your son's misfortune but this is what happens when a mother leaves the raising of her children to outsiders. Let me guess your wife is too busy to take care of the kids right? Because shes a "modern working class woman".

Go and ask women abroad how they manage to work full time and still raise their own children without househelp. Unlike these ones in Nigeria who after just one child, they can't do chores again. House helps are then put in place to assume the duties of a wife and mother.

Your son is one of many children out there suffering the consequences of these lifestyle choices.

The reason why many women abroad don't get house helps is due to the prohibitive cost. Secondly, many employers are more flexible and allow parents to choose their hours. There is also the option of working from home. Lastly, the transportation system in most major cities is more reliable and effective. It is not fair to compare women in Africa to their counterparts in the Western world. Trust me, many women would have help if they could afford it. Aren't there daycare centres?

Ishilove:

Beating is part of the remedy. It should be part of the rehabilitation process.

I disagree with you. Beating does not solve the problem. The dad has to create a safe space for the boy to feel comfortable enough to express himself and have an honest conversation. Beating will cause the child to close up. This is the reason why a lot of parents do not have close, open relationships with their kids. What will make a child be open when they know that it will lead to beating?

Ishilove:

Beating is part of the remedy. It should be part of the rehabilitation process.

You don't beat a little boy who has been molested.

theButterfly:
You don't beat a little boy who has been molested.

First of all, you need to get to the root cause of his actions. Was he conditioned by what he saw on TV or was he conditioned by the housemaid? The answer will determine where to apply the beating.