₦airaland Forum

You have to sent that maid out immediately... this is really bad...

Timih:
I'm very disturbed now

This might be long

I don't know if he's the one assaulting her or she's the one doing so.. I don't even know what is going on

I got back from work, went to the bathroom and when I came out, I saw my son entering a room. He was calling her name and entered. I've been suspecting something like this so I used the opportunity to peep. I saw my son sitting close to her, putting his hand across her neck, this time she was giving a faint smile while putting her palms on her face. Later the boy went to her back and started squeezing her breast from behind. Mehn.. I'm sad, shocked, bad.. Everything. I called him and I pretended not to see anything, why? I know if I react, I'll severely deal with him and that won't change anything because he's been poisoned already. I feel like I've failed as a father already.

He's 7 turning to 8,the girl is 14. I seriously don't know what to do about my son, in fact I can't eat to think well. I'll be sending away the girl though but I'm sure that won't stop my son from doing things. Especially in his school. I'm afraid of anything that may happen.

First time I noticed a strange relationship between them, i called him, talked to him about not showing his pen.is to anyone, to keep himself covered and all sort, asked him questions about anyone touching him in any manner and he said no. I asked him about his friends in school.. He named 8 of dem and 2 of them are girls.

I've failed as a father. My wife is not yet back but when I tell her, she will beat the boy and that won't change anything. I don't know where I went wrong. The maid bathes the boy, dresses for him too. Maybe that's where the issue lies. My wife just gave birth and that's why we employed a maid to help her and take care of the house till the baby is old enough.

I don't know where he got it from, I've stopped my wife from watching movies on dstv anytime he's with her.. She only watches redeemed channel and maybe news then when he's asleep, she face her movies. She asked why and i said there was a day I came back from work, and the way he greeted me was very strange... Normally, I relate with him as if we are age mates.. I can say my guy, how u dey na and he replies with daddy, I just gentle... Just normal guyman things but this one is totally different and no one needs to tell me he got it from the movies.. No one.

Maybe I have to take charge of bathing him

He's a very smart boy.. Very very smart and that's my fear.. And for him to be exposed to this has duely affected me.

Please help me.. Abuse me, curse me.. I don't have a choice.. Just help me

Pardon my English pls.. Just help

This is much... May God Almighty Help you as you put all this advice in work.

themonk:
Can you stop making noise please, beating doesn’t solve anything! Abroad they don’t beat kids at all and they grow up to be less violent and more empathetic than people here. The reason you didn’t become all those things wasn’t because you were beat but because you grew up and recognized they are wrong.

If you beat a child for smoking or any other bad thing, the child in his brain would think you are maltreating him/her and not that what he did is wrong. If that child grows up and finds that that thing is still right in his/her eyes he/her will continue doing it. Can you beat them when they are grown?

The best you can do for a child is talk to the him/her and forbid them easy access to things that would lead them to the negative aspects of life. Beating just delays it nothing more, I knew a guy his father is a soldier and he beats him all the time the guy still grew up to be a cultist. Beating does nothing bro.

You make it sound like life is a one way thing. The abroad you are talking about,the US and the UK's ,with constant gang and drug related knife deaths and gun deaths,I guess it was beating of wards that instill such barbarism? I can't count how many wayward guys I know that chose that line of life cos they lacked disciplinary parents and guardians. It wasn't lack of counselling but lack of discipline! I am telling you what worked for me,and also some people I know. It wasn't my dads efforts but purely my mom. Though parents can't dictate grown ups but at a very tender age,beating and counselling in pure love can mould a child;but unless that child's village people are involved.

baganas:
Also make sure that you're not careless with your sexual activities with your wife. You said your son is smart. May be the two are just copying you!

God bless you... The guy mentioned the boy sleep in the same room with him(matrimonial room)+ light always on(mr man you dn straff ur wife while u think the boy dey sleep before) na u be the arc the boy learnt rubbish from.... Don't vent ur anger on the maid.... Ur boy manipulated her.....even my 4yr old boy do pretends he's sleep when madam dey touch me for night....sharperly I changed his room.. Most of we young parents we are the cause of our child's immoral acts

Let's be more cautious..... Don't think they are not watching you.

Oburu ogwu Oleko!

Ishilove:
Kweeeke! Epechime...

sorry guy,things have changed.i live in Europe and even at such age ,children are taught about reproduction ,sex and baby making.they are thibgs we cant avoid,the world is changing and children are 10 times smarter than our days.u need to relate with him and tell him the dangers involved in such and u also need to monitor him closely,flogging will not solve the problem.children are inquisitive and u dont need to bother how he got the habit,its just exploration.you need to back up your discipline with prayer and guidance.over religious parent sometimes have way ward children.so use your brain,be proud of your boy but let him know the dangers involved.relate with him so he can tell you all things






.

Timih:
He is bro.. He's my nigga.. That's why i relate with him as if we are mates

Timih:
To beat him is not the issue.. My fear is what has been deposited in him.

please do not beat him also do not tell his teacher what happened. Just tell the teacher to watch how he relates to pupils in the class and periodically educate him on morals. Talk to your son about what you saw. he isn't too young for s.ex education. Teach him about his privates and how no one should handle him indiscriminately.

Please DO NOT let any help, uncle or aunty bath your kids again. You/ wifey or grandma should create time to always bath them no matter how late/ tired you are.

I have an 8 to 6 job with 3 kids. I can honestly say I bathed all my kids till they were of age to bath themselves. I used to do rub and shine in the mornings as I always ran late for work but in the evenings, I thoroughly sponge bathed them.

The helps job was limited to cleaning up and after school hours with them.

For your 14year old help, question her let her tell you when/how it started. Advice her, then send her off.

May God help your family.

Thank you all once again but I want to clarify some things. The maid was brought to me by her mother not a trafficker, the mother gave birth to 6 girls and 3 boys and she can't cater for them all. No husband and no profitable income. My wife was kind of against the idea but I just felt that the maid will help her the more, with a new born baby at hand. I didn't know I have committed a child abuse by employing a teen less than 18,I didn't know until now. So sorry about that.

I told her mother what happened and with the way she replied, most of her girls have been exposed to such so it's basically from home. She apologised and I also did for cutting short our terms. I gave her some money just to help

I don't even know who to say sorry to for committing a child abuse.. Maybe the mother, the girl, the people here or my wife. I'm so sorry and I won't have anything to do with any teen. I'm deeply sorry

genq:
I don't mean to gloat over your son's misfortune but this is what happens when a mother leaves the raising of her children to outsiders. Let me guess your wife is too busy to take care of the kids right? Because shes a "modern working class woman".

Go and ask women abroad how they manage to work full time and still raise their own children without househelp. Unlike these ones in Nigeria who after just one child, they can't do chores again. House helps are then put in place to assume the duties of a wife and mother.

Your son is one of many children out there suffering the consequences of these lifestyle choices.

Domestic servants are a global phenomenon since the time of Abraham who had them in the hundreds. Middle class families from the States through Europe to the Middle East and Asia have them taking care of the kids and doing the dishes whether on a part time basis or live-in capacity so I donot know where you get your information from. Domestic helps form the vast majority of immigrants both legal and illegal in the developed world. Who do you think they serve....the Presidents and Prime Ministers?

The fact that it sometimes fails is no reason to castigate middle calss working families particularly womes who form the bedrock of the economic machinery of any country. I know several working women, managers, surgeons, business people who work crazy long hours every week to keep things moving. Clearly they need help and should not be punished by an increasingly wayward society rife with loose morals.

By 6, 7 your boy should be able to bath by himself, except you live inside Spirogyra. Then stop handling your son like your mate, he is a boy, relate with him like a father.

He is already feeling very grownup with the way he acted in that scene, put him in his bloody place. Does he respect his mom, check that out.

Ask him to own up to the act? If he is my son and I ask him, if he and the girl are doing touching each other, he denies, he gets a nice whipping for lying to my face.
Then I let him know the dangers of such things, and that housemaid is gone. She sef go chop small beating.
I might not tell the teachers, because I don't know how they will handle it, they might just ruin school for him. But I will tell him if I hear any report from school of such, he is going to stop school and learn mechanic, I will take him to one rugged mechanic workshop, and just give him a tour, a bonus would be if one oga is whipping an apprentice with wire while we are there.

Father, you are smarter than most ignoramus you seek advice from. Some of them are so blind they couldn't see what's going on under their roof.

I've had friends with strict religious but blind parents who are real perverts at a tender age while their parents were busy baptizing other people's children up and down.

There is nothing wrong with your son.
There is nothing wrong with your fathering style.
That's the problem with young explorers; they are older than you think.
Remain his friend to understand his feelings, and try not to involve his mother; it will likely boost his trust in your fatherly understanding.

Beating did not work on me, therefore, I will never recommend it.

Elobless:
sir anything u can do to save ur son do it to d girl. for some saying d girl is wiser than boy. if it is so the oldest man will know everything and be the leader in everything. but it is not so. save her too. keeping quiet at her is not d best. Nobody knows tomorrow. Not saying she must stay with u. is an eye opener. be at alert. sin is not always practice because they see people do the same it comes from d mind. may God guide u better to train ur children.

Thank you, all those people saying beat the girl and send her away, it might affect her negatively, but if necessary they should separate them, and ask the person that she would be under their care to watch her closely and counsel her
For their son they should reduce his exposure to sexual materials and correct/guide him, because at this point he has been exposed very well and considering he is very smart

A lot of serious things are happening now chief based on what they see or are exposed to.

I'll advise you don't treat the girl badly but best it to let her leave.

Whether you bath him or not, such is likely to continue because of the tender mentality!!!

theButterfly:
You don't beat a little boy who has been molested.

Beating has its own advantage. Even the bible say so. Everything is not beating but there are some things that beating solve. All these Ajebutter kid treatment won't help us as parents, after all our parents beat us too.

My own is no teacher must beat my child and the reason is fear of sustaining injury. But personally, I can flog my child and let him know the reason for flogging.

In this case, he has been molested and now deriving pleasure from it, Little flogging won't harm him and after flogging, let him know the reason for it. then, draw him near, pray for him and keep monitoring him.

CC: op

From the story, it was your son that was assaulting the maid

crazygod:
u for just keep quiet. Y did u have to spew all that? It should have remained ur very own personal shameful secret.

abi oOo.

leofab:
Onye Amai

Onye Abbi

Timih:
Thank you all once again but I want to clarify some things. The maid was brought to me by her mother not a trafficker, the mother gave birth to 6 girls and 3 boys and she can't cater for them all. No husband and no profitable income. My wife was kind of against the idea but I just felt that the maid will help her the more, with a new born baby at hand. I didn't know I have committed a child abuse by employing a teen less than 18,I didn't know until now. So sorry about that.

I told her mother what happened and with the way she replied, most of her girls have been exposed to such so it's basically from home. She apologised and I also did for cutting short our terms. I gave her some money just to help

I don't even know who to say sorry to for committing a child abuse.. Maybe the mother, the girl, the people here or my wife. I'm so sorry and I won't have anything to do with any teen. I'm deeply sorry

Imagine, 6 girls and 3 boys, ok now.

We can see where self entitlement from our naija men comes from.
This boy by now should have known how to wash plates, sweep house, wash some of his clothes, arrange his room,do lots of small small works in the house.
Nobody is teaching him. U, the dad isn't helping.
What is it that your house do differently that u and ur wife with your 8 yrs boy won't do that made u employ a girl child?

The girl is passing through serious body change, and nobody is going tru the journey with her.
Her mother and ur wife both failed her.
The chance that ur wife had to explain things to her and tutor, u guys send her back to the wolves again bc she is not ur child.
Are u not wicked, my dear?
That girl child need guidance not rejection.
What is wrong with people?
U and ur wife should have talked to her and ur son together, then one on one.

And ur boy is a child. Treat him as one.
Do houseworks together with him.
Lots of people marry nut don't know what parenting is all about.

I even read that they should be severely flogged.
Really?

samista:
From the story, it was your son that was assaulting the maid

cos he was the one that went to her room, and started the whole stuff. But. I want to believe the maid taught him. But on the other way round, it might be from school and he started practising it with the maid and she liked it, thereby encouraging it.

The boy just need close monitoring and prayer.

lordimmaogidi:
Owù āsú!!! dè êlè.

N'koma. Aje

OmoOshodi:
God bless you... The guy mentioned the boy sleep in the same room with him(matrimonial room)+ light always on(mr man you dn straff ur wife while u think the boy dey sleep before) na u be the arc the boy learnt rubbish from.... Don't vent ur anger on the maid.... Ur boy manipulated her.....even my 4yr old boy do pretends he's sleep when madam dey touch me for night....sharperly I changed his room.. Most of we young parents we are the cause of our child's immoral acts

Let's be more cautious..... Don't think they are not watching you.

very true, maids don suffer, every bad thing is on their head.

I don't even understand what the problem here actually is.

Is it that you don't want your son to _fuck at all?

Or that you don't want your son to start _fucking so early?

Maybe, it's high time you talk to your son about sex and give him some sex education before he gets himself into some deep _shit.

Good luck.

Timih:
I'm very disturbed now

This might be long

I don't know if he's the one assaulting her or she's the one doing so.. I don't even know what is going on

I got back from work, went to the bathroom and when I came out, I saw my son entering a room. He was calling her name and entered. I've been suspecting something like this so I used the opportunity to peep. I saw my son sitting close to her, putting his hand across her neck, this time she was giving a faint smile while putting her palms on her face. Later the boy went to her back and started squeezing her breast from behind. Mehn.. I'm sad, shocked, bad.. Everything. I called him and I pretended not to see anything, why? I know if I react, I'll severely deal with him and that won't change anything because he's been poisoned already. I feel like I've failed as a father already.

He's 7 turning to 8,the girl is 14. I seriously don't know what to do about my son, in fact I can't eat to think well. I'll be sending away the girl though but I'm sure that won't stop my son from doing things. Especially in his school. I'm afraid of anything that may happen.

First time I noticed a strange relationship between them, i called him, talked to him about not showing his pen.is to anyone, to keep himself covered and all sort, asked him questions about anyone touching him in any manner and he said no. I asked him about his friends in school.. He named 8 of dem and 2 of them are girls.

I've failed as a father. My wife is not yet back but when I tell her, she will beat the boy and that won't change anything. I don't know where I went wrong. The maid bathes the boy, dresses for him too. Maybe that's where the issue lies. My wife just gave birth and that's why we employed a maid to help her and take care of the house till the baby is old enough.

I don't know where he got it from, I've stopped my wife from watching movies on dstv anytime he's with her.. She only watches redeemed channel and maybe news then when he's asleep, she face her movies. She asked why and i said there was a day I came back from work, and the way he greeted me was very strange... Normally, I relate with him as if we are age mates.. I can say my guy, how u dey na and he replies with daddy, I just gentle... Just normal guyman things but this one is totally different and no one needs to tell me he got it from the movies.. No one.

Maybe I have to take charge of bathing him

He's a very smart boy.. Very very smart and that's my fear.. And for him to be exposed to this has duely affected me.

Please help me.. Abuse me, curse me.. I don't have a choice.. Just help me

Pardon my English pls.. Just help

U sounds like some1 i know. Remove anything feminine around him for now. Change the girl to a guy maid. Then introduce Gamez, that will make him busy and help erase female thought for now. Engaged him to Arabic lesson or Church fellowship. Or fix him in the choir. Then prayer... Broz, na u DAT boy wan use still resemble o. Swear say na lie. 9years. #Baba Ekun nin bi mo Ekun.

This is the mistake we parents do that cost us so much. You don't hit your kids yes you correct with love. But there are some wrongs you walk into and the only thing you do to arrest and stop such wrongs is beating them hard, and immediately, so they know how bad what they did is. You saw yours kids in such situation and you waka pass, how After you beat, they nurse their wounds or the hurt, you give them space, then talk to them after you have calm down and their tears too has subside.. They will never forget the rage and sadness they saw in your eyes, . Hence they wont go back to it. Send the girl back to her parents, tell them what happened so they take it with her , then deal with son, he's old enough to understand some sex basics.
Don't ever walk away again when you see your child doing something this extreme. You must take immediate and intense action!!!!!
BTW don't ever let these fools make you think having a help is wrong, they are also same fools who believe a woman should contribute financially to the home growth, yet when the woman picks up , they complains how the kids are left. Ignore those confused morons. Nothing wrong with your woman having a little help while she's out there helping the home make a little extra

I wonder why the male child loves the breast,I remember when a 4 years old child touched my breast with all seriousness I had to beat him and warned him not to ever try such again with me or anybody,beating somtimes make kids get scared of repeating that same thing . kids learn those things from where I don't know,I believe the girl needs sex education aswel cause when I was 14 I was wise enough not to let anyone touch my boobs,try to caution your child and the maid aswel.they both need orientation on how bad it is to do such...then send her away but before that ensure you talk to her on how bad it is to allow such,you can tell your wife to talk to her I believe she will learn.....and always be free with your son so he can be open to you.

Eleyi Gidi gan. On a serious note, you said you relate with your kid son as age mates, do you not think that contributed in making him "smarter" than he is supposed to be at such an age? Although the girl is 14, she probably is as wise as an 18 year old boy. What might actually be happening there is two consenting "adults".

There is also the possibility that they might have heard moaning coming from your bedroom, saw you guys in action through the key hole and experimented with what they saw and probably liked it.

About moaning, this girl i brought home was really loud such that the whole compound probably heard her, now whenever i greet any woman in my compound, i notice their eyes stray towards my dignities.

Are you guys loud?

Just sell of d boy and apply for an angel as a son wt ur perfectioninst parenting ideology

Timih:
Thank you... I'll up my sex taplk with him

Yep interrogate her when he's not around get every single gory detail out of her. When it started, why she decided to engage in such with your son despite how nice you treated her.

Send her home same day before your son gets back so they don't come in contact and exchange messages of encouragement.

Since he's your guy, Spend a day at home with him without your wife maybe on a Sunday. If necessary tell your wife to excuse you or go to the church alone OR DRIVE OUT TO A QUIET PLACE WITH HIM so you can have some serious FatherSon bonding session.

Interrogate him even more than the girl but don't be harsh. Let him know you've seen such displeasing act and he shouldn't provoke you by lieing anymore.

Assure him this will be a healing session not an execution.

Play mind games with him so he is overwhelmed by guilty feelings like he betrayed the trust you put on him as your guy And how smart you used to think he is and how he disappointed you by stooping so low to do such dirty and stupid things with good for nothing people.

Make him want to regain your companionship by telling you everything that transpired even with other people.

Announce to him that you are heartbroken and disappointed so you will give him probationary punishment by restricting his movements after school, banning tv, phone, game and promise to return such privileges and even award gifts after the next term if he improves academically and retains good character. LET HIM KNOW MUCH MORE SERIOUS PUNISHMENT LIKE PUBLIC EMBARASSMENT AND FLOGGING WILL BE INCURRED IF HE FELL BACK INTO SUCH OR A DIFFERENT BAD ACTS.

Slowly resume your fondness with him so you can heal yourself and so he will believe there is redemption in honest behavior and he won't fall into depression or wreckless behavior like a lost puppy.

My dear brother, having read all through, let the girl go back to wherever she came from.
thank God ur child is a boy, bath him and cloth him and teach him what he needs to know as a boy
House helps are good but time has changed.
Am a mother of 2 girls, 5 years and the other 10 months old.
I do a 9 to 6 work, monday to friday but my children be my hand bag o.
the thing your boy is old enough to assit with little task at home, he should start learning how to do some stuff that will relieve his mum and you may also have to give extra helping hand around.
Just my own little advice from here.
After the girl leaves talk to your wife about it so she would be cautious of dressing or undressing in his presence and also know what to expose him to.
Lastly you may have to share his room since he will be sleeping alone for now befor you and ur wife resume you mutual task of man and wife.

Timih:
I'm very disturbed now

This might be long

I don't know if he's the one assaulting her or she's the one doing so.. I don't even know what is going on

I got back from work, went to the bathroom and when I came out, I saw my son entering a room. He was calling her name and entered. I've been suspecting something like this so I used the opportunity to peep. I saw my son sitting close to her, putting his hand across her neck, this time she was giving a faint smile while putting her palms on her face. Later the boy went to her back and started squeezing her breast from behind. Mehn.. I'm sad, shocked, bad.. Everything. I called him and I pretended not to see anything, why? I know if I react, I'll severely deal with him and that won't change anything because he's been poisoned already. I feel like I've failed as a father already.

He's 7 turning to 8,the girl is 14. I seriously don't know what to do about my son, in fact I can't eat to think well. I'll be sending away the girl though but I'm sure that won't stop my son from doing things. Especially in his school. I'm afraid of anything that may happen.

First time I noticed a strange relationship between them, i called him, talked to him about not showing his pen.is to anyone, to keep himself covered and all sort, asked him questions about anyone touching him in any manner and he said no. I asked him about his friends in school.. He named 8 of dem and 2 of them are girls.

I've failed as a father. My wife is not yet back but when I tell her, she will beat the boy and that won't change anything. I don't know where I went wrong. The maid bathes the boy, dresses for him too. Maybe that's where the issue lies. My wife just gave birth and that's why we employed a maid to help her and take care of the house till the baby is old enough.

I don't know where he got it from, I've stopped my wife from watching movies on dstv anytime he's with her.. She only watches redeemed channel and maybe news then when he's asleep, she face her movies. She asked why and i said there was a day I came back from work, and the way he greeted me was very strange... Normally, I relate with him as if we are age mates.. I can say my guy, how u dey na and he replies with daddy, I just gentle... Just normal guyman things but this one is totally different and no one needs to tell me he got it from the movies.. No one.

Maybe I have to take charge of bathing him

He's a very smart boy.. Very very smart and that's my fear.. And for him to be exposed to this has duely affected me.

Please help me.. Abuse me, curse me.. I don't have a choice.. Just help me

Pardon my English pls.. Just help

You need to ask him what's going on and talk to the maid too.

Why should he be beaten for what he deosnt know is wrong .


Stash bathing him even when you get a new maid then install a CCTV if you can afford it.


Your fears are very valid and you haven't failed as a father .


Then you need to talk to him from time to time to be a good boy so he won't give into any bad impulse.

Hou are right. I currently have two kids, studying nursing and working part time with no house help. Parents are the cause of their misfortune sometimes. Come to think of it a 7 years old child is being helped with bathing and also dressed up by a 14 year old girl.

genq:
I don't mean to gloat over your son's misfortune but this is what happens when a mother leaves the raising of her children to outsiders. Let me guess your wife is too busy to take care of the kids right? Because shes a "modern working class woman".

Go and ask women abroad how they manage to work full time and still raise their own children without househelp. Unlike these ones in Nigeria who after just one child, they can't do chores again. House helps are then put in place to assume the duties of a wife and mother.

Your son is one of many children out there suffering the consequences of these lifestyle choices.