₦airaland Forum

blackpanthar:
Brother, what you have gone through is NORMAL....

Sex is not an AWARD... so dont see it as a stigma
DATING is not a sign of maturity...

Your priorities seem MISPLACED.
At your age, no Nigerian girl may love you for WHO YOU ARE even though they LIKE your personality.

GO AND MAKE MONEY, it makes you more DATING-MATERIAL.... Ladies are expensive, yes, In Nigeria, DATING RELATIONSHIPS are like adoption, the girl will ask you for almost EVERYTHING.... and if you can not provide, you will know the real meaning of depression.

The next thing is.... LADIES WILL SAY YES TO MYSTERY guys than to casual folks like you, because they have "SEEN YOU FINISH" .... so you are only good for FRIEND ZONE. Ladies find guys who appear not to even know they exist MORE ATTRACTIVE... So bro, get a life and stop thinking about LADIES.... they are overrated o... once you get into the lifestyle being hooked with ladies, you will CRAVE getting out.

Another thing is, MAKE MONEY.... BUILD YOUR STATUS... once of the reason, soldiers, politicians, pastors, imams, SUG presidents, musicians, etc get to sleep with many ladies or get lots of attention and chase from ladies is because THEY REPRESENT LEADERSHIP or WEALTH or BOTH.... and 90% of ladies are insecure so they will gladly throw themselves at such men....GO AND BUILD ON YOURSELF... it wont take too long you will find ladies begging to be your lover.

Ochuksbaba:
this advice is the perfect best,, worked for me 100%,,you cannot catch a monkey with bare hands without knowing how to jump

GoldPencil:
"No girl is out of your league. it's the guys chasing her that are not your mate" - moyodre 2013

if you want a girl, all you have to do is be the highest value/status male on her radar currently and pay her no mind. Humans are naturally greedy and want what they cant have, because scarcity creates value. a Lamborghini is not begging to be sold, rather people beg to buy it. So demonstrate high value by not bothering with asking out. get money, Bleep your targets friend and remain detached. your target will chase you instead. then you'll get bored. it's not abt looks, though that's important. learn life chess

kay9:
OP, all the answers you seek are here ^^

Pay special attention to that bit in all caps - STOP ASKING WOMEN OUT.

Real life story: first two girls I asked out in my life gave me an outright No. Maybe it's something with Nigerian girls at that age/stage - late teens, early twenties. Anyway, the very next one I didn't bother with all that formality, I just jokingly told her I was going to buy snacks, does she wanna come? Jokingly said I'm still hungry, what did you cook? Jokingly followed her to her house, jokingly eat her rice, jokingly stretched out on her bed like I've been sleeping there all my life... pretty soon we were jokingly kissing and smooching.

Relax and have fun, bro, and you'll see it happen like magic.

waywardpikin:
Lol my nigga. Why I like your thread is because of the honesty with which you communicated your pain. We have all been there, even guys that are more capable than James Bond also get rejected, whether they admit it or not.

From what you wrote, everything checks out and I think you're on the right path. But you're making one crucial mistake that is ruining your game and making a waste of all your effort. I don't even work as hard as you to get ladies.

Your mistake - STOP ASKING WOMEN OUT!

Yeah I put it in caps in hope it'll sink in. You say you hold them around the waist and stuff, that is very good. Your next move is to try and kiss her. Focus on being a flirt, go heavy on the jokes, but sometimes switch and let them see a mean side of you you really don't want them to see.

Be like a light switch, on and off, on and off, hot and cold.

SingleGuy9999:
bro I've thought of lowering my standards already but it's not like they are high before...I find it hard to relate well with these high class girls so normally I tend to vibe more with normal average girls, tho I noticed Im more attracted to fair girls but I've liked like 2 dark girls before...
I don't see how I wanna lower my standards again except u mean I should purposely go for girls I'm not into...and that's not what I want, I want someone I care about
And as for confidence, I can't build it up when I keep getting rejected, no matter how much I try when I think of asking a girl out I always get the feeling that it'll end same way...
Seems only way to genuinely build up that confidence towards girls is to be accepted at least once

SingleGuy9999:
generally I'm more interested in a girl if we seem to relate very well, I can be myself with her and she's someone who isn't just looking for guys to play or someone to use as maga

Martinez39:
Are girls supposed to be your headache now? Focus on your studies ,self-improvement and hustle. If you leave relationship for now, do these things and start looking for a wife much later in the future, have you missed anything? Focus on yourself my friend.

Beside, stop killing yourself over girls. They cannot love you except you have money. Even if you spend $2m on that girl and donate one of kidneys to save her life, she will still loath and leave you the day you don't have money anymore. Love doesn't exist, stop fooling yourself.

Life after university is hard and challenging and you don't need gold diggers and other distractions and wastage. Start preparing for life after school and leave girl matter alone.

SingleGuy9999:
bro... there's nothing wrong in chasing money and wanting to feel loved by a girl you like at least once in my life...
And there's guys who I know are so broke yet they get girls

blackpanthar:
lol.... you said ONCE IN YOUR LIFE?

bro... broke guys who get girls... are not wise... they are skillful but NOT WISE.

HERE IS A SIMPLE THOUGHT....

the kind of GIRL or rather the CLASS of girls you can get while you have money is different from what you can get being BROKE...

another thought... GUYS TOO HAVE CLASS.... the energy used in chasing girls or the skill used in getting girls while broke could be used in making money too.

EVERY MAN IS DIFFERENT... but the guy who posted this thread, is NOT THE BROKE KIND OF GUY you are talking of.... I GAVE THE ADVICE TAILORED ONLY FOR GUYS LIKE HIM.
Hope you are clear?

SingleGuy9999:
bro... there's nothing wrong in chasing money and wanting to feel loved by a girl you like at least once in my life...
And there's guys who I know are so broke yet they get girls

OmoAlata1:
You probably have body or mouth odor. Ask someone that you trust to tell you the truth

SingleGuy9999:
Good day guys, I'm not really too active here, but this is a 2nd account I created for this. I am 22 year old student in my final year. But I've never had a girlfriend, also I have never had sex, but that is not the major problem as I can easily get a hooker and pay. I feel I'm pretty good looking, at least average. This would be a little long, pls try to read through.

My problem is I can't seem to get a girlfriend, I have been rejected by girls like 7 times in a row or more...I don't meet that many girls but I do go out and meet sha and if I like a girl and I feel she's someone I can date I ask her out. If we aren't really vibing I just delete their numbers and forget about them. But I keep getting rejected by all the girls I've asked out, they either see me as a friend and tell me stuff like I'm a good friend or they not ready for a relationship or that they feel I have no feelings for them...like wtf

It's really frustrating so much that it's literally killed every confidence I have to ask girls out. Like the last 3 girls I wanted to ask out I ended up not bothering since I know it'll end same way...planned to ask one out today but I just couldn't stand to get rejected again...cos even tho I think what I'm getting might be green light I'm not sure about girls anymore...in fact now I'm no longer sure if the girls I think liked me before ever did (I wasn't interested in them so I didn't ask them out). Even the one who made me lose all hope was after spending so much time with a girl, I was asking her out for 4 months, I never tot I'd ever ask a girl out that long but I was blinded by love...and we spent so much time together, my friends kept wondering if we were dating but she never said yes even tho she said she liked me too but kept giving excuses...and I pretty much abandoned chasing other girls in for that while...but I still got a no at the end with story changed to she tot she liked me but was just trying to as she could see I was in love with her and didn't wanna break my heart...

That killed my confidence, and I'm not blaming her or anyone...now since then I've only asked 2 girls out, and I still got rejected...

I spend time with the girls, we hang out, flirt, chat etc but they would never date me... I've gotten so lonely as I want to date someone I truly care about and I have even questioned if it's possible for 2 people to fall in love with each other out of the billions of people on earth.

I've heard from someone that I play with girls too much so they won't take me seriously, another was that I'm nice (I don't think I'm that "nice guy" cos I won't go extra mile for any girl just cos I like her, but I'm understanding and I think I tend to make excuses for people when they disappoint). And I'm tired of girls seeing me as a friend, or being taken for granted. In fact my best female friend is one who I asked out before.

When I see people dating I wonder if they from another planet, I can't figure out what's wrong...is it that I have no luck with girls? I have gone online, read books etc. They all keep saying same thing...they talk about confidence but I had that...tho right now I just fake it cos all my confidence is gone with numerous rejections. Then I read about working on yourself, I have done that, I may not be anywhere near the freshest guy but at least I'm sure I'm okay. They talk about creating tension and stuff by making contact and I do that, I hold them around the waist etc....

So far I even read that I shouldn't blame myself or stop trying to figure out what went wrong when I face rejections, that's what I'm doing now...but nothing seems to be changing. I rarely spend time with girls again, except some good friends, and instead I've been focusing more on my hobbies cos I now see it as a waste of time when it only ends in rejection. I think of going out with a girl but I just rather sit at home or spend more time with my guys or even spend the money on them cos I'm fed up. The thought even crossed my mind to give up on girls since it never seems to work...I'm not used to multiple failure as even in other stuff I don't fail as much, but I just can't seem to get it to work with girls. Everything seems fine at first and going smoothly but it all ends with rejection.
I don't wanna give up on girls and I know there's nothing left of my confidence when it comes to girls, tho I fake it...and I will never result to insulting girls just cos of my rejection.

Pls I need real advice on what to do, I have exhausted all my options, and today I resolved to never ask any girl out till I'm 99% sure she'll say yes, but is that even possible? I know every guy gets rejected but it's not easy when u get rejected several times in a row by girls you have serious feelings for.

Should I just cut my losses and give up on girls? For months I spent time on other things and never really cared about any girl any longer but now that feeling is back with this new girl but I can't even ask her out cos I can't say for sure what her reply would be... maybe a no as I usually get...

Pls don't insult me or call me names I just need advice that would help

Promiseval:
Life gives answer in 3 ways. It says Yes & gives u what u want, it says no and gives u something better, it says wait and gives u the Best!

We are all here for some special reason. Stop being a prisoner of you past. Become the architect of your future.

deolaarc:
Change your strategy, you have already preprogrammed your mind, this will affect you.
Girls dont like too serious guys. They will see your as bestie.
Also Remember this may be a phase. A time will come that it will be effortlessly. Or you change your cycle, you may be running around the same circle of people with the same mentality.

pansophist:
OP, what you are passing through is exactly what most men will surely pass through, its encoded in the sand of time that what makes a man attractive and desired by the opposite sex is about being valuable. Being a man is not valuable, loving her is not valuable, but being a valuable man yourself.

Your value as a man is resource based (social status, wealth, intellects etc), it is the transformation for a boy to a man, that will make men respect you, and women attracted to you. other posters have said it all, and even though it is hard for me to believe that true love doesnt exist, as in, being loved just for being a man, all evidence points towards that direction. The mistake I see men generally do is expecting a woman to love him for who he is. No woman will love you for who you are (just being a man), because unlike men, women's value to men is physical (beauty, youthfulness, femininity), something she is born with and doesnt have to work for, yours as a man is the opposite.

When women say "real men", "man up", "be a man", it is a testament to this fact that being they separate the boy from a man, but have you ever heard men say "woman up", "real woman", ba a woman"?. Look at it this way, when you tell your friends that you met a new girl, their question will be something like, "is she beautiful", "she get yansh", "how does she look"? What all these implies is that women are valued for just being women. I remember when my sister told my parents about her boyfriend and that they wanna get married, what my parents wanna know was, "what does he do", "where does he work", how old is he", questions that reveal if he is not a boy, but a man, with a sense of responsibility, financial capability and able to lead a family.

Another example, most men usually move out from their fathers house to their own apartment, but women move from their father house to their husband house, our culture is deeply buried in this thoughts. Or male musicians showing cars and houses, to signify success (resource base), but female almost getting naked, displaying their curves (beauty/physical base value). Examples abound to prove this dynamics, but you should get the point now. Women are born, men are made. You should "made" yourself, and women will come.

So my young bro, I tell you from a place of experience, that you should focus on building yourself, and the women will come. Forget about all those nollywood true love shit, only women usually fall for it, because they operate in their own frame of being rewarded for being women, and project it on men, thinking they fell in love with you because you are you, not knowing their primal base and evolutionary hardwiring that made them skip others to be with a real man.

Goodluck