₦airaland Forum

Bizibi:
this what I fear about the op, he pray he doesn't go on heartbreaking spree.

Yea, it happens. I did same. It was the last girl i dated i pity pass. That babe suffered in my hand shaa.

healthserve:
Typical In and out persons continue to suffer with stability/instability issues

Where is princfred, pansophist and Daddytime sef

Nowadays instead of focuses on giving a man emotional safe space, psychological boost, domestic responsibility soltutions and complimenting his efforts they are high on these their new found dragging equality, hypergamy,entitlment and being relcaciltrant

princfred:
Nowadays instead of focuses on giving a man emotional safe space, psychological boost, domestic responsibility soltutions and complimenting his efforts they are high on these their new found dragging equality, hypergamy,entitlment and being relcaciltrant

My brother na so we see am. I tell my brothers before you propose to any lady, conduct thorough due diligence. Many of these ladies are tired if being women and even in marriage are coming with one intent, to be the head, and to destroy. You said it all:


Hypergamy


Entitlement - Beautiful Queen Ego issues


Recalcitrance - Unwillingness to partake in any form of domestic activity.

Shadbay:
I've been in extreme emotional pains for the past few months. I don't even know where to start to narrate my ordeal. I do not want this experience to damage me emotionally and psychologically, that's why I'm seeking help. Please pardon the length and blunders.

Earlier this year, just two weeks after my birthday, my ex-gf (gf of almost 7 years) broke up with me. I had just visited her and left two days prior to the breakup.
I went through the most challenging period of my life because I just suffered some job and graduate school rejections that period. The breakup worsened my situation and pushed me into a depression. I have never felt defeated in life till that point. She blocked me on all mediums of communication. It was too extreme. I went from 91kg to 85 kg in less than 3 weeks.

I visited her to understand the whole situation cos her behaviour was too extreme and I got a toxic dosage of embarrassments. She said she was done with me. She said a lot of hurtful things to me. The height of the embarrassments was calling her new boyfriend (barely 3 weeks after breaking up with me) right in front of me and telling him she doesn't know what I'm doing in her place. She even called some of her friends to inform them of my presence. They all sounded scared and concerned for her as if I was some kind of predator. They told her to leave her place at once and come to their place. All these calls were on speaker! This is someone I invested all these years and emotions for. I went through hell that period cos I was dealing with some other personal tribulations.

I can't imagine treating her or anybody else the way she treated me. I NEVER cheated on her, NOT ONCE or by chance! I have walked away from compromising situation countless times because I placed her so high. I had so much respect for her. She now went on to slander my name, accusing me of cheating!!! When I asked who was feeding her all those lies, she said her friends told her. How? Did I date you or your friends? It still boggles my mind to think she'll believe them and go about spreading those ugly rumours about me.

The straw that broke the camels back was when a friend of mine told me that she said she's grateful to God she didn't contract any infection/disease from me! I couldn't believe my ears. I broke down. This didn't just break my heart, it shattered my spirit. This is someone I imagined spending the rest of my life with. My whole family (even extended) accepted her as one of us.

I had to accept that things were beyond salvaging because any attempt from me to fix things kept doing the opposite. The minute it involved my sisters I had to accept defeat.

I never harmed her or attempt to lay a finger on her. I might not be perfect but I gave it my all. The situation is far worse than I described it here, it's even painful remembering them. I loved her to a fault.

I got a text from her about a month ago after I refused to answer her calls because I had just lost a loved one. She said she's getting married and hopes I find peace as she has found hers. I stared at those words speechless. The worst set of people one could ever encounter are those that hurt you, know that they hurt you and still turn around to play victim accusing you of hurting them. If there's anything I'm proud of is my level of self-control. I know few of my friends who made fun of me being extremely loyal to one girl, warning me severally that I'm wasting my time and good looks, that my youth is passing me by. At least I have a clean conscience that I never betrayed her trust. I never went about telling other people our business. Now I understand why they say good guys always finish last.


Women don't deserve loyalty, forget all their cliche that men are not faithful and honest. I went the faithful, loyal path what did I get in return? Venom! I feel repulsed when I hear women say "Men are dogs", "Men always cheat".

I just don't want this experience to turn me into something I'm not or make me an embittered soul. I'm traumatized beyond words. This was my first and only relationship and I gave it everything. I'm in my mid-twenties and I don't think I can ever love genuinely again. I need mature advice on how to come out of this ordeal a better person. I don't want to transfer any aggressions or micro-aggressions on anybody because of this experience. Please mature advice needed. Thank you.

I'm not great with advise but I hope this helps.
Sorry bro! I know I cannot quantify your pains with all that is going on right now.
The truth is that the process of getting over it would not just disappear suddenly, you'll have to go through it gradually. Please talk with people who can encourage you properly (like your sisters and mum). I would also advice you cut all ties to your ex now (on all forums). The more you try to reach out to your ex, the more pain you'll cause yourself. I assure you that the night is darkest before dawn. If you believe in God, relay your predicament to him and pray he gives you the grace to weather through it.
I can confidently tell you that you'll get over it if only you persevere. You'll fall in love again (although possibly with some scars). This age grade is one of those trying times which would define who you'd become. Get something which would distract you for a while. It would get better with time.
I know you'll be second guessing your lifelong decisons now. Please don't!! Don't be discouraged. If she couldn't trust you enough to confirm if what she was told is true, then she'd not worthy of you.
Someday the truth of all these would prevail and you'll be triumphant. Just don't let this situation make you a misogynist (I know that tendency is there) or think there's nothing more to life. I believe you'll eventually find someone genuine. Concerning jobs and grad school apps, don't relent. Just get some rest ("Come unto me all ye who labour and are heavy laden and I would give you rest"... Jesus Christ) and then re-fire. You're bright from previous conversations we've had. Some of us have also faced some persecutions like this remember you're not alone!!! You'll rise again!! Don't make any rash decisions at this time till you're more stable.

pansophist:
My young bro, take heart. The sad truth is, she has found someone better, and you should accept it even if you do not feature in the picture. It's about emotional maturity and letting this just be.

Your next step is to give yourself time, as time has a way of healing things. You'll pass through it, and you'll like yourself better after this. I experienced something you passed through when I was 18, and felt even worse than you, but I was naive, innocent, and didnt understood the timeless truth of female nature, keeping attraction, and stimulating the relationship sustainably. Looking back those times, I could see clearly the mistake I made, and I've refined myself to a point that such could not happen again. And in the unlikely scenario that it does, well, a replacement is around the corner. You should do the same.

It seems to me that your relationship with her is your job, you specialized in loving her and treating her as the best thing, while ignoring your own personal growth. Listen attentively, women DO NOT want to be your goal. They want to be part/beneficiary of it, not the goal. You treated her nice and gave her everything to the best of your ability and probably didn't focus on your growth, and compete with other men in the free world.

You were too available, making you appear as someone with female scarcity, with no option and not a real catch. Also, pursuing her even after her formal declaration for relationship withdrawal is something that men with no options do. You cannot beg a woman into a relationship with you, it's an instant attraction killer. You attract and keep her with the lifestyle you've built for yourself, and the man you've developed yourself to be.

Remember the biblical story of when God told Adam (after eating the forbidden fruit from Eve), that henceforth he would toil the ground for food and survival, and cursed Eve that she will suffer doing child birth? The true meaning of this story is that as a man, you have to be out there hustling, pursuing your goal and fulfilling your dreams, as no woman want to be for a man that is not out there toiling the ground.

She dont want to cry during child birth for man with no purpose, and be amother to his kids. Whether you believe in this story or not, you may comb any other religion, culture, science, and just observe the world around you, you would see that your value as a man is by being resourceful. Women are made, men are born. You see where a woman automatically becomes a first lady or a queen just because her husband is a president or a king? But it doesn't work in the opposite direction, there is no first firstman for the husband of a female president. You should know that women are rewarded for being women, all she has to do is look beautiful, and men and society will reward her. For a man, you must build yourself to be rewarded by women and society.

You're almost depressed (that's if you're not), because you are not pursuing things in the real world that would make her wonder why you do not call her always, that even if she breaks up with you, you're too busy achieving and breaking through to even feel an inch of her jilting you. She is at a stage of her life with male abundance, she wont do anything special and men will find her attracted and seek her commitment. All she has to do is sit back and choose, and if she left you for someone else, it means the other guys playing their game better. Loving her is not playing, buying her gift is not playing, but to play, you must develop yourself to be a good catch. That your presence is enough for her to find you attractive. Any man can save, spend and impress, but not every man is a top dog.

That even if she breaks up with you, in the back of mind, she knows there are younger and far beautiful women out there waiting to take her place, and will question herself if she can get a man in the same calibre as you. Do you think Davido will be worried if Chioma decides to leave him? Davido will laugh at her because he knows that she will be dead lucky to meet a man in his status, and she knows this as well. In every relationship, many young boys are clouded with feelings and love without understanding the power dynamics that is ever present and playing in the background.

I hope you get well, but remember this, you will never loose women chasing money (interpret it as goals, achievements, purpose etc), but you'll always loose money chasing women. Men compete with other men for success, women compete with other women for successful men. If you do not have women competing for your commitment, then you've either not reached there yet, or you're doing it wrong.

Goodluck young blood.

You have helped many folks with this piece, God bless you please.

pansophist:
My young bro, take heart. The sad truth is, she has found someone better, and you should accept it even if you do not feature in the picture. It's about emotional maturity and letting this just be.

Your next step is to give yourself time, as time has a way of healing things. You'll pass through it, and you'll like yourself better after this. I experienced something you passed through when I was 18, and felt even worse than you, but I was naive, innocent, and didnt understood the timeless truth of female nature, keeping attraction, and stimulating the relationship sustainably. Looking back those times, I could see clearly the mistake I made, and I've refined myself to a point that such could not happen again. And in the unlikely scenario that it does, well, a replacement is around the corner. You should do the same.

It seems to me that your relationship with her is your job, you specialized in loving her and treating her as the best thing, while ignoring your own personal growth. Listen attentively, women DO NOT want to be your goal. They want to be part/beneficiary of it, not the goal. You treated her nice and gave her everything to the best of your ability and probably didn't focus on your growth, and compete with other men in the free world.

You were too available, making you appear as someone with female scarcity, with no option and not a real catch. Also, pursuing her even after her formal declaration for relationship withdrawal is something that men with no options do. You cannot beg a woman into a relationship with you, it's an instant attraction killer. You attract and keep her with the lifestyle you've built for yourself, and the man you've developed yourself to be.

Remember the biblical story of when God told Adam (after eating the forbidden fruit from Eve), that henceforth he would toil the ground for food and survival, and cursed Eve that she will suffer doing child birth? The true meaning of this story is that as a man, you have to be out there hustling, pursuing your goal and fulfilling your dreams, as no woman want to be for a man that is not out there toiling the ground.

She dont want to cry during child birth for man with no purpose, and be amother to his kids. Whether you believe in this story or not, you may comb any other religion, culture, science, and just observe the world around you, you would see that your value as a man is by being resourceful. Women are made, men are born. You see where a woman automatically becomes a first lady or a queen just because her husband is a president or a king? But it doesn't work in the opposite direction, there is no first firstman for the husband of a female president. You should know that women are rewarded for being women, all she has to do is look beautiful, and men and society will reward her. For a man, you must build yourself to be rewarded by women and society.

You're almost depressed (that's if you're not), because you are not pursuing things in the real world that would make her wonder why you do not call her always, that even if she breaks up with you, you're too busy achieving and breaking through to even feel an inch of her jilting you. She is at a stage of her life with male abundance, she wont do anything special and men will find her attracted and seek her commitment. All she has to do is sit back and choose, and if she left you for someone else, it means the other guys playing their game better. Loving her is not playing, buying her gift is not playing, but to play, you must develop yourself to be a good catch. That your presence is enough for her to find you attractive. Any man can save, spend and impress, but not every man is a top dog.

That even if she breaks up with you, in the back of mind, she knows there are younger and far beautiful women out there waiting to take her place, and will question herself if she can get a man in the same calibre as you. Do you think Davido will be worried if Chioma decides to leave him? Davido will laugh at her because he knows that she will be dead lucky to meet a man in his status, and she knows this as well. In every relationship, many young boys are clouded with feelings and love without understanding the power dynamics that is ever present and playing in the background.

I hope you get well, but remember this, you will never loose women chasing money (interpret it as goals, achievements, purpose etc), but you'll always loose money chasing women. Men compete with other men for success, women compete with other women for successful men. If you do not have women competing for your commitment, then you've either not reached there yet, or you're doing it wrong.

Goodluck young blood.

All I can say to this fiery piece is wow. I will love you to be my mentor seriously.

Me that need a good girl to marry.....

Shadbay:
I've been in extreme emotional pains for the past few months. I don't even know where to start to narrate my ordeal. I do not want this experience to damage me emotionally and psychologically, that's why I'm seeking help. Please pardon the length and blunders.

Earlier this year, just two weeks after my birthday, my ex-gf (gf of almost 7 years) broke up with me. I had just visited her and left two days prior to the breakup.
I went through the most challenging period of my life because I just suffered some job and graduate school rejections that period. The breakup worsened my situation and pushed me into a depression. I have never felt defeated in life till that point. She blocked me on all mediums of communication. It was too extreme. I went from 91kg to 85 kg in less than 3 weeks.

I visited her to understand the whole situation cos her behaviour was too extreme and I got a toxic dosage of embarrassments. She said she was done with me. She said a lot of hurtful things to me. The height of the embarrassments was calling her new boyfriend (barely 3 weeks after breaking up with me) right in front of me and telling him she doesn't know what I'm doing in her place. She even called some of her friends to inform them of my presence. They all sounded scared and concerned for her as if I was some kind of predator. They told her to leave her place at once and come to their place. All these calls were on speaker! This is someone I invested all these years and emotions for. I went through hell that period cos I was dealing with some other personal tribulations.

I can't imagine treating her or anybody else the way she treated me. I NEVER cheated on her, NOT ONCE or by chance! I have walked away from compromising situation countless times because I placed her so high. I had so much respect for her. She now went on to slander my name, accusing me of cheating!!! When I asked who was feeding her all those lies, she said her friends told her. How? Did I date you or your friends? It still boggles my mind to think she'll believe them and go about spreading those ugly rumours about me.

The straw that broke the camels back was when a friend of mine told me that she said she's grateful to God she didn't contract any infection/disease from me! I couldn't believe my ears. I broke down. This didn't just break my heart, it shattered my spirit. This is someone I imagined spending the rest of my life with. My whole family (even extended) accepted her as one of us.

I had to accept that things were beyond salvaging because any attempt from me to fix things kept doing the opposite. The minute it involved my sisters I had to accept defeat.

I never harmed her or attempt to lay a finger on her. I might not be perfect but I gave it my all. The situation is far worse than I described it here, it's even painful remembering them. I loved her to a fault.

I got a text from her about a month ago after I refused to answer her calls because I had just lost a loved one. She said she's getting married and hopes I find peace as she has found hers. I stared at those words speechless. The worst set of people one could ever encounter are those that hurt you, know that they hurt you and still turn around to play victim accusing you of hurting them. If there's anything I'm proud of is my level of self-control. I know few of my friends who made fun of me being extremely loyal to one girl, warning me severally that I'm wasting my time and good looks, that my youth is passing me by. At least I have a clean conscience that I never betrayed her trust. I never went about telling other people our business. Now I understand why they say good guys always finish last.


Women don't deserve loyalty, forget all their cliche that men are not faithful and honest. I went the faithful, loyal path what did I get in return? Venom! I feel repulsed when I hear women say "Men are dogs", "Men always cheat".

I just don't want this experience to turn me into something I'm not or make me an embittered soul. I'm traumatized beyond words. This was my first and only relationship and I gave it everything. I'm in my mid-twenties and I don't think I can ever love genuinely again. I need mature advice on how to come out of this ordeal a better person. I don't want to transfer any aggressions or micro-aggressions on anybody because of this experience. Please mature advice needed. Thank you.

i feel your pain but that girl is not destined to be your life partner, i have seen more than you in the relationship world. Just take it with good faith and pray to God to direct your steps. on the other hand, dont love with all your heart. Some good guys suffer a lot in a relationship because of their honesty, transparency and so on.

healthserve:
My brother na so we see am. I tell my brothers before you propose to any lady, conduct thorough due diligence. Many of these ladies are tired if being women and even in marriage are coming with one intent, to be the head, and to destroy. You said it all:


Hypergamy


Entitlement - Beautiful Queen Ego issues


Recalcitrance - Unwillingness to partake in any form of domestic activity.

You really defined their rules of engagement well but phoniest part is how all these attitude of theirs can change dramatically when they notice the guy has a fat enough account or something similar. Tell your brothers to remember to play poor first as its the few only way to know real interest of some babes.

I remember three i told to come and help me in farming one of them yap me tire but a few weeks later she saw me and my guys ride past her abode to go flexing. Maybe it was the ca of ride she saw or something but the next day this babe dey tell me say she don buy hoe for the farming say if no be something she for like pack in with me already. Lol i no fit laugh . Slayers deserve players.

U didn't pick her calls for 1month? I think that's the reason why she left you. U were doing shakara for her maybe because she was deeply in love with you and now she left and you are crying. There's a saying that "u don't know what you have until u loose it". Nobody do u na you do yourself.

princfred:
You really defined their rules of engagement well but phoniest part is how all these attitude of theirs can change dramatically when they notice the guy has a fat enoug account. Tell you brothers to remember to play poor first o its the few only way to know real interest of some babes.

I remember three i told to come and help me in farming one of them yap me tire but a few weeks later she saw me and my guys ride past her abode to go flexing. Maybe it was the ca of ride she saw or something but the next day this babe dey tell me say she don buy hoe for the farming say if no be something she for like pack in with me already. Lol i no fit laugh . Slayers deserve players.

Its who they are. I have three on my case like that. Just turn them into play objects and let them deal with their attitudes. As for me, no due diligence, no marriage. These ladies are high risk.

healthserve:
Since you've been where the Op is in the past, is it true such ladies suffer at the hands of karma later on? What happened to/with the madam?

There is nothing like Karma. I've studied the lives of wicked people. The same thing that happen to them happen to good people too. Only weak people depend on Karma for anything.

BananaTree:
There is nothing like Karma. I've studied the lives of wicked people. The same thing that happen to them happen to good people too. Only weak people depend on Karma for anything.

Extremely wicked ones learnt how to transfer their negative karma to other people

Summoned up courage she doesn't worth falling sick for though she might still seek for u in the coming years but just go for what is best for you.

healthserve:
Its who they are. I have three on my case like that. Just turn them into play objects and let them deal with their attitudes. As for me, no due diligence, no marriage. These ladies are high risk.

High risk oh.....lol....... guy you really know to play words. I think say they be medium risk before.

princfred:
High risk oh.....lol....... guy you really know to play words. I think say they be medium risk before.

The consequences of failed relationships includes death hence I don't lose sight anymore of the associated risks and deal with ladies NOW from this perspective. Allow me buttress my point clearly by reiterating, loving a Nigerian lady is high risk

Azord:
Self love.
I love my life die.
No lady can break me and none has ever broken me.

Do u know the secret I never trust the very day u say yes to my proposal... I just believe that one day the same u will Bleep up...


Am always expecting u to Bleep up, I may show u love take care of u but deep down in my heart and I cheat on u wen I have the opportunity to do so.



So wen u Bleep up my mind is never broken � � � is not for my type.
That's how I live my life and I wish every heart broken guy can learn this style.

I learn from others is not like I have been heart broken before I don't just believe in love.


[b]Even if I marry and u cheat I will not be disappointed never. [i][/i[/b]]

Be like me if u can but not am not a playboy I love but I don't fall in love.


Its Azord.

just sit down and think about the bolded

Shadbay:
I've been in extreme emotional pains for the past few months. I don't even know where to start to narrate my ordeal. I do not want this experience to damage me emotionally and psychologically, that's why I'm seeking help. Please pardon the length and blunders.

Earlier this year, just two weeks after my birthday, my ex-gf (gf of almost 7 years) broke up with me. I had just visited her and left two days prior to the breakup.
I went through the most challenging period of my life because I just suffered some job and graduate school rejections that period. The breakup worsened my situation and pushed me into a depression. I have never felt defeated in life till that point. She blocked me on all mediums of communication. It was too extreme. I went from 91kg to 85 kg in less than 3 weeks.

I visited her to understand the whole situation cos her behaviour was too extreme and I got a toxic dosage of embarrassments. She said she was done with me. She said a lot of hurtful things to me. The height of the embarrassments was calling her new boyfriend (barely 3 weeks after breaking up with me) right in front of me and telling him she doesn't know what I'm doing in her place. She even called some of her friends to inform them of my presence. They all sounded scared and concerned for her as if I was some kind of predator. They told her to leave her place at once and come to their place. All these calls were on speaker! This is someone I invested all these years and emotions for. I went through hell that period cos I was dealing with some other personal tribulations.

I can't imagine treating her or anybody else the way she treated me. I NEVER cheated on her, NOT ONCE or by chance! I have walked away from compromising situation countless times because I placed her so high. I had so much respect for her. She now went on to slander my name, accusing me of cheating!!! When I asked who was feeding her all those lies, she said her friends told her. How? Did I date you or your friends? It still boggles my mind to think she'll believe them and go about spreading those ugly rumours about me.

The straw that broke the camels back was when a friend of mine told me that she said she's grateful to God she didn't contract any infection/disease from me! I couldn't believe my ears. I broke down. This didn't just break my heart, it shattered my spirit. This is someone I imagined spending the rest of my life with. My whole family (even extended) accepted her as one of us.

I had to accept that things were beyond salvaging because any attempt from me to fix things kept doing the opposite. The minute it involved my sisters I had to accept defeat.

I never harmed her or attempt to lay a finger on her. I might not be perfect but I gave it my all. The situation is far worse than I described it here, it's even painful remembering them. I loved her to a fault.

I got a text from her about a month ago after I refused to answer her calls because I had just lost a loved one. She said she's getting married and hopes I find peace as she has found hers. I stared at those words speechless. The worst set of people one could ever encounter are those that hurt you, know that they hurt you and still turn around to play victim accusing you of hurting them. If there's anything I'm proud of is my level of self-control. I know few of my friends who made fun of me being extremely loyal to one girl, warning me severally that I'm wasting my time and good looks, that my youth is passing me by. At least I have a clean conscience that I never betrayed her trust. I never went about telling other people our business. Now I understand why they say good guys always finish last.


Women don't deserve loyalty, forget all their cliche that men are not faithful and honest. I went the faithful, loyal path what did I get in return? Venom! I feel repulsed when I hear women say "Men are dogs", "Men always cheat".

I just don't want this experience to turn me into something I'm not or make me an embittered soul. I'm traumatized beyond words. This was my first and only relationship and I gave it everything. I'm in my mid-twenties and I don't think I can ever love genuinely again. I need mature advice on how to come out of this ordeal a better person. I don't want to transfer any aggressions or micro-aggressions on anybody because of this experience. Please mature advice needed. Thank you.

I am glad you learned your lesson even though it was the hard way. Men must wake up from the delusion that a woman's love is unconditional. A woman with options is always on the look out for a better alternative and once she finds it she's gone. Bear in mind she was never yours: it was just your turn to have her. I pity men who lose themselves because of a woman: they will never understand how heartless women are. The moment they are done with you all the good times they shared with you become insignificant. Take heart, man and try to move on. Try to build yourself in every area and develop inner strength not to lose yourself to any woman again.

healthserve:
The consequences of failed relationships includes death hence I don't lose sight anymore of the associated risks and deal with ladies NOW from this perspective. Allow me buttress my point clearly by reiterating, loving a Nigerian lady is high risk

Lol .....no be lie shah. Na wa i just learn this from you now oh thought it was moderate risk all the while.

princfred:
Lol .....no be lie shah. Na wa i just learn this from you now oh thought it was moderate risk al the while.

I wished I could type two things on my mind here. I go tint am. Make ladies no go dey get our codes. Love also can lead to death and poverty, always hold this in your left palm



Maybe God was bored when He created the female, I wouldn't know but I see them as the most unstable entity in life, more unstable than Uranium 235 and Plutonium isotopes. Its not starting with women, but maintaining then that lies the challenge that's why the best time to be careful with women is when the going is good cause that's when you let down your guard, they take secrets and turn back to use them against you. Yes there are good exceptions, when and if they can be found, do your best to do the right thing. Women are unstable isotopes

Unconquerable:
I am glad you learned your lesson even though it was the hard way. Men must wake up from the delusion that a woman's love is unconditional. A woman with options is always on the look out for a better alternative and once she finds it she's gone. Bear in mind she was never yours: it was just your turn to have her. I pity men who lose themselves because of a woman: they will never understand how heartless women are. The moment they are done with you all the good times they shared with you become insignificant. Take heart, man and try to move on. Try to build yourself in every area and develop inner strength not to lose yourself to any woman again.

No be big lie. Most Women keep their options and legs open turning men into mobile ATM in the name of love.

chinchonglee:
Mtcheww!!! U nor well oo.

U re in ur mid twenties nd dis is wat is making u depressed

U never serious.

Hê is still young to be depressed.I thought he was in his mid thirties.

healthserve:
I wished I could type two things on my mind here. I go tint am. Make ladies no go dey get our codes. Love also can lead to death and poverty, always hold this in your left palm

Abeg mail me those two things. Its good to know things. Also mail the Op if it will help his young heart we know wan hear suicide.

princfred:
Abeg mail me those two things. Its good to know things. Also mail the Op if it will help his young heart we know one hear suicide.

Lmao. Planet3xi @ gmail

Shadbay:
I've been in extreme emotional pains for the past few months. I don't even know where to start to narrate my ordeal. I do not want this experience to damage me emotionally and psychologically, that's why I'm seeking help. Please pardon the length and blunders.

Earlier this year, just two weeks after my birthday, my ex-gf (gf of almost 7 years) broke up with me. I had just visited her and left two days prior to the breakup.
I went through the most challenging period of my life because I just suffered some job and graduate school rejections that period. The breakup worsened my situation and pushed me into a depression. I have never felt defeated in life till that point. She blocked me on all mediums of communication. It was too extreme. I went from 91kg to 85 kg in less than 3 weeks.

I visited her to understand the whole situation cos her behaviour was too extreme and I got a toxic dosage of embarrassments. She said she was done with me. She said a lot of hurtful things to me. The height of the embarrassments was calling her new boyfriend (barely 3 weeks after breaking up with me) right in front of me and telling him she doesn't know what I'm doing in her place. She even called some of her friends to inform them of my presence. They all sounded scared and concerned for her as if I was some kind of predator. They told her to leave her place at once and come to their place. All these calls were on speaker! This is someone I invested all these years and emotions for. I went through hell that period cos I was dealing with some other personal tribulations.

I can't imagine treating her or anybody else the way she treated me. I NEVER cheated on her, NOT ONCE or by chance! I have walked away from compromising situation countless times because I placed her so high. I had so much respect for her. She now went on to slander my name, accusing me of cheating!!! When I asked who was feeding her all those lies, she said her friends told her. How? Did I date you or your friends? It still boggles my mind to think she'll believe them and go about spreading those ugly rumours about me.

The straw that broke the camels back was when a friend of mine told me that she said she's grateful to God she didn't contract any infection/disease from me! I couldn't believe my ears. I broke down. This didn't just break my heart, it shattered my spirit. This is someone I imagined spending the rest of my life with. My whole family (even extended) accepted her as one of us.

I had to accept that things were beyond salvaging because any attempt from me to fix things kept doing the opposite. The minute it involved my sisters I had to accept defeat.

I never harmed her or attempt to lay a finger on her. I might not be perfect but I gave it my all. The situation is far worse than I described it here, it's even painful remembering them. I loved her to a fault.

I got a text from her about a month ago after I refused to answer her calls because I had just lost a loved one. She said she's getting married and hopes I find peace as she has found hers. I stared at those words speechless. The worst set of people one could ever encounter are those that hurt you, know that they hurt you and still turn around to play victim accusing you of hurting them. If there's anything I'm proud of is my level of self-control. I know few of my friends who made fun of me being extremely loyal to one girl, warning me severally that I'm wasting my time and good looks, that my youth is passing me by. At least I have a clean conscience that I never betrayed her trust. I never went about telling other people our business. Now I understand why they say good guys always finish last.


Women don't deserve loyalty, forget all their cliche that men are not faithful and honest. I went the faithful, loyal path what did I get in return? Venom! I feel repulsed when I hear women say "Men are dogs", "Men always cheat".

I just don't want this experience to turn me into something I'm not or make me an embittered soul. I'm traumatized beyond words. This was my first and only relationship and I gave it everything. I'm in my mid-twenties and I don't think I can ever love genuinely again. I need mature advice on how to come out of this ordeal a better person. I don't want to transfer any aggressions or micro-aggressions on anybody because of this experience. Please mature advice needed. Thank you.

I have been in your shoes; good news is that you're not the only one that has felt this way.
Bad news is that; it's life.... Women are like that, she probably has been dating the other guy for a long time and he proposed; that was her way of officially breaking up with you. Move on; you'll find more girls you'll love more than her but they might even hurt you worse than her. It's the circle of life we live in.

Always keep being you and doing your best; women who don't deserve you will be cut out. At least be grateful you didn't marry her before she started manifesting like this

princfred:
Abeg mail me those two things. Its good to know things. Also mail the Op if it will help his young heart we know wan hear suicide.

These accounts are old. I don't have their email access

Lastlook:
After reading your post. I burst to laugh, it hurt me for you but you gotta let it all go. Same experience here, mine is even worst. But see me now, found the right girl. she is willing and read to grow with me. Give me advise, business orientation, forcing me to invest instead of wasting money on flashing things. Come and tell my babe you earn $1 or 360 naira, she will be happy and want to know more and how it can be increase. Life sha.




Let me narrate for you my ex-gf. I saw this girl online, on Facebook before i gain admission into a university then around 2012/2013. I love her so much even without us knowing each other yet.

That prompt me to registered to the same university, that means she senior me with a year. OK, that is fine by me, no worries. Lucky for me, I was given an admission to a lovely course lower than what i put in for but no problem by me. Got a mission to accomplished.

To make the story short, I got this girl lastly, Same year in the university, I gave her everything. Sorry to mention this but just to calm you down:

I pay for the girl self contain house rent for 2 years means (3lvl to 4lvl)

She take extra course outside the four wall. Cost 70k per semester (paid for the 4 year)

To fix her hair - (5k to 10k within a week or two)
Monthly pocket money worth (50k to 200k ) depend on how things work for me for that month

Got her 2 different phone, Blackberry Z10, first phone in second year and third year - Samsung s8 plus new one (150k)

She said, she wanna start working to make money ( 200k per attempt for 3 times and failed )

Sometimes, if I feel happy or just to make her happy ( I will transfer 200k to her several times )

For a lady room in a university to be fined than guys own even better than mine. She had TV, washing machine, gen, many things a rich girl needed.

Some times she will request for some things like big money that I don't have, but I never said NO. I will go and borrow to the extend, I can the you, borrow me 30k, I will pay you 50k back, just to be able to get the money, but she never knew all this.

See many things, I can't mentioned that I did for her, if posted here, I need to be called a bastard. ( Not once, i have ever mention this to my friend, unless you are close to me, If you asked me, I will tell you, I am the one that break her heart, Just to have one peace )


Meanwhile she have another BF outside x2 older than me. I was the side boy haha haha for 3 to 4 years.

I run into a lot of shit, that i had to leave the school for a year, working to solve all the problems, I endanger my self with.

Lucky for me, I was making 30k per day then and got paid same day for a full year, I was using this money to pay off the debits. You wouldn't believe, she still call me and asked me to help her with 200k. I have the money but i said OK, I will send it in 3 days before that 3 days, I still send her 20k to be chilling down ahahhaahha.

So on the third day, I know, if I should send the money, I can't get it back again. I told her that, I was sorry, I couldn't get the money, that I am not happy, its hurt, that I couldn't get it.

When she asked for the money early, she said, we are going to have sex, all those sweet words. I said good, that am even missing her already.

So when i said, I don't have. She be like, I want to tell you something before, I be like what? She said, she is sorry, that she have a boy friend already.

I burst to laugh. I was laughing, I said, is she for real, she said yes, I said OK then, good luck.

I was happy and laughing because, God delivered me from her, from fake love, from dying, she is married, already have a baby.... Anyway I wish her best life and not once, i never think anything bad for her.

But God will reward me all my effort and time wasted when I thought, I found the right girl. (She even told my friend that, we are just friend from the beginning, and never had sex, that she is helping not to get dupe by those girls out there ) hahahhahaha, I can't laugh joor. Ladies eh, nawa for una ooooo.

Bros! I read your post.. It was quite emotional. I need help from you sir..
***not financial help**

I feel your pain. I experienced the same thing u are going through when my ex we dated for 9years broke my heart. The most annoying thing is that she couldn't even tell me she had another guy, I caught both of them together doing that thing and it broke my heart. I can assure u that u will get over this issue believe me you will, cuz I did. That lady in question isn't meant for u, you will find your miss right someday.

engrajoo1:
Well.... I was once in ur shoe... Infact it was not long ago... Sebi urs left giving a reason though the reason she gave is false as claimed by u but mine left with no reason.... She said I'm the best man... Doing everything willing to stay etc but she said it can't work again... And she blocked my number and all social media... I just went to sleep and woke up the next day as a happy man..... My brother forget the bitch jo... To all those shouting hustle ooo... My brothers I believe it's koy always about money if it's that... This my girl won't have left... Most of tge ladies out there are short sighted and don't know what they really want in a relationship.... My own kobo

Had to read through 6 pages to finally find someone who isn't regurgitating the same tired, "make money to keep women" line.

If you're improving yourself, do it for you. If you want to be useless, do it for you. Either way, you'd get p*ssy, the only difference would be the head attached to it.

There are plenty of reasons and innumerable instances where ladies jumped ship or at least broke their partner's trust even though he honored his part of the "provide" deal. It could be self-sabotage, it could be temporary unavailability; heck, it could even be the psychological phenomenon where certain individuals who have everything handed over to them begin to unconsciously resent the provider and want to relate with others who don't provide anything just to maintain a semblance of control.

Moreover, no matter how well off you are, there's always someone richer.

The bottom line, IMHO, is to not tie your happiness to any human being, especially hyper-emotional creatures--they know themselves, no matter how fluttery they make you feel.

I'm very sure the OP did not see a 500k job and declined. No one is happy not being financially set. If people were, the only people who'd commit crimes would be psycho- and sociopaths.

As a guy who's getting himself together in any respect; financially, socially, academically, or whatever; if your lady tells you to beat it because she's found someone better; tell her to go find the biggest d*ldo (or cucumber) she can find and f*ck herself with it until she passes out.

Don't let any privileged skirt who's had a p*ssy pass all her life emasculate you! And when you eventually get yourself together and commit to hustling hard; don't even do it as a revenge or anything. Because she isn't worth it. If she returns back, sends an apology, or so much as tries to reach out at any point in the future; offer to buy and waybill the d*ldo or cucumber yourself.

If you follow the logical train of this make money thought, you'd begin to wonder who'd be with the men who are on minimum wage. The ones evacuating sewers; the ones dredging rivers with baskets; the ones in our transport sector.

In a nutshell, make money, improve yourself, become a better version of yourself; but don't do it for anyone, don't do it to get or keep a woman. Because at the end of the day, no human being is 100% reliable. You inclusive, because there's no guarantee you'll always be well off. Likewise, there's no guarantee she'll stay.

If you take nothing out of this, note this account. Elon Musk told his first wife, "If you were my employee, I'll fire you." This was when he was still at PayPal, wasn't a billionaire yet, but certainly a UHNW individual, had a couple of kids, and his family was completely comfortable.

The wife demanded they go for counseling. He agreed. After one month and 3 sessions with things seeming like there was no headway; he gave the wife an ultimatum. "Either we fix this marriage today, or I will divorce you tomorrow." He filed for divorce the next morning. Today he has an 11-digit net worth, runs 6 companies, outperformed the space program of every nation on planet earth, and built a car company completely against the run of incumbents without running a single ad.

If you believe in yourself, know you're doing your best to improve your lot in life, don't let any myopic tw*t faze you. Appreciate those who stick by you, and tell everyone else who doesn't to F*CK OFF!

You're trekking under the scorching sun, swallowing the BS your Boss is forcing down your throat, avoiding your landlord because you're owed; and the thot you've made sacrifices for is scrolling down her Whatsapp or FB messages hoping for someone else to place her at the front seat of a car. Then she has the temerity to break up because someone better off comes along, block your lines when you try to inquire why, and society is telling you it's your fault. Well, SHE, SOCIETY, AND ANYONE ELSE WHO SUBSCRIBES TO THAT SCHOOL OF THOUGHT SHOULD DEEPTHROAT A BAG OF D*CKS!

-Lord

pansophist:
My young bro, take heart. The sad truth is, she has found someone better, and you should accept it even if you do not feature in the picture. It's about emotional maturity and letting this just be.

Your next step is to give yourself time, as time has a way of healing things. You'll pass through it, and you'll like yourself better after this. I experienced something you passed through when I was 18, and felt even worse than you, but I was naive, innocent, and didnt understood the timeless truth of female nature, keeping attraction, and stimulating the relationship sustainably. Looking back those times, I could see clearly the mistake I made, and I've refined myself to a point that such could not happen again. And in the unlikely scenario that it does, well, a replacement is around the corner. You should do the same.

It seems to me that your relationship with her is your job, you specialized in loving her and treating her as the best thing, while ignoring your own personal growth. Listen attentively, women DO NOT want to be your goal. They want to be part/beneficiary of it, not the goal. You treated her nice and gave her everything to the best of your ability and probably didn't focus on your growth, and compete with other men in the free world.

You were too available, making you appear as someone with female scarcity, with no option and not a real catch. Also, pursuing her even after her formal declaration for relationship withdrawal is something that men with no options do. You cannot beg a woman into a relationship with you, it's an instant attraction killer. You attract and keep her with the lifestyle you've built for yourself, and the man you've developed yourself to be.

Remember the biblical story of when God told Adam (after eating the forbidden fruit from Eve), that henceforth he would toil the ground for food and survival, and cursed Eve that she will suffer doing child birth? The true meaning of this story is that as a man, you have to be out there hustling, pursuing your goal and fulfilling your dreams, as no woman want to be for a man that is not out there toiling the ground.

She dont want to cry during child birth for man with no purpose, and be amother to his kids. Whether you believe in this story or not, you may comb any other religion, culture, science, and just observe the world around you, you would see that your value as a man is by being resourceful. Women are made, men are born. You see where a woman automatically becomes a first lady or a queen just because her husband is a president or a king? But it doesn't work in the opposite direction, there is no first firstman for the husband of a female president. You should know that women are rewarded for being women, all she has to do is look beautiful, and men and society will reward her. For a man, you must build yourself to be rewarded by women and society.

You're almost depressed (that's if you're not), because you are not pursuing things in the real world that would make her wonder why you do not call her always, that even if she breaks up with you, you're too busy achieving and breaking through to even feel an inch of her jilting you. She is at a stage of her life with male abundance, she wont do anything special and men will find her attracted and seek her commitment. All she has to do is sit back and choose, and if she left you for someone else, it means the other guys playing their game better. Loving her is not playing, buying her gift is not playing, but to play, you must develop yourself to be a good catch. That your presence is enough for her to find you attractive. Any man can save, spend and impress, but not every man is a top dog.

That even if she breaks up with you, in the back of mind, she knows there are younger and far beautiful women out there waiting to take her place, and will question herself if she can get a man in the same calibre as you. Do you think Davido will be worried if Chioma decides to leave him? Davido will laugh at her because he knows that she will be dead lucky to meet a man in his status, and she knows this as well. In every relationship, many young boys are clouded with feelings and love without understanding the power dynamics that is ever present and playing in the background.

I hope you get well, but remember this, you will never loose women chasing money (interpret it as goals, achievements, purpose etc), but you'll always loose money chasing women. Men compete with other men for success, women compete with other women for successful men. If you do not have women competing for your commitment, then you've either not reached there yet, or you're doing it wrong.

Goodluck young blood.

WTF ... Nigga you scattered my head with this one... I definitely had to comment, whatever fountain of knowledge you sipping from you better share it...
I'm glad men like this still exist!

Lol bro I've to laugh because you remind me of my past and I know exactly how you feel, it's very terrible and I wouldn't wish any one to be in in that shoe, but mine was a bit way more terrible, but I survived.. Let me share my experiences so Girls know that not all that glitters are gold.. I dated a girl for five years saw her through her education in school paid her fees and kept her on 15k slaray every month, I always try to make sure she's happy because I love her, to cut the long story short . Even the day of her graduation I was so very down with fever I haven't gone out for two days but that very day I'd take a risk and drive to go see her so I could celebrate with her.. So she started her service few months to her pop was her birthday, then iPhone 7 was the mean thing, I bought her 7plus and engaged her, she accepted, I uploaded my friends uploaded too but she didn't upload I didn't see it as nothing, two days later she came to see me crying and said to me she can't marry me and brought back my ring I asked her why then did she accept, she said she didn't want to fall my hand, she left and I cried like a baby for my dad keep asking me what the problem was I didn't speak because I was so ashamed to speak because we were actually planning for introduction that same month, I went to do my findings only for me to know she was dating one man who promise her heaven and earth he looks Richer than me because he drive more expensive car than me.. And stays on a rented three bedroom apartment while I stay with my parent because I was the last child.. So I took my phone back from her and the dude bought her Samsung galaxy x7, I just moved on my life, within months the guy dumped her like it's nothing and she came back begging...as a bad guy I got Bleep the living shit outta her and dumped her like this nothing too and married a different lady I'm happily married with a son and she's still single and always on my nerve

Aliii:
Lol bro I've to laugh because you remind me of my past and I know exactly how you feel, it's very terrible and I wouldn't wish any one to be in in that shoe, but mine was a bit way more terrible, but I survived.. Let me share my experiences so Girls know that not all that glitters are gold.. I dated a girl for five years saw her through her education in school paid her fees and kept her on 15k slaray every month, I always try to make sure she's happy because I love her, to cut the long story short . Even the day of her graduation I was so very down with fever I haven't gone out for two days but that very day I'd take a risk and drive to go see her so I could celebrate with her.. So she started her service few months to her pop was her birthday, then iPhone 7 was the mean thing, I bought her 7plus and engaged her, she accepted, I uploaded my friends uploaded too but she didn't upload I didn't see it as nothing, two days later she came to see me crying and said to me she can't marry me and brought back my ring I asked her why then did she accept, she said she didn't want to fall my hand, she left and I cried like a baby for my dad keep asking me what the problem was I didn't speak because I was so ashamed to speak because we were actually planning for introduction that same month, I went to do my findings only for me to know she was dating one man who promise her heaven and earth he looks Richer than me because he drive more expensive car than me.. And stays on a rented three bedroom apartment while I stay with my parent because I was the last child.. So I took my phone back from her and the dude bought her Samsung galaxy x7, I just moved on my life, within months the guy dumped her like it's nothing and she came back begging...as a bad guy I got Bleep the living shit outta her and dumped her like this nothing too and married a different lady I'm happily married with a son and she's still single and always on my nerve

Always on your nerve as how. Whose decision was it?