₦airaland Forum

NLmember:
Why do these bitter woman hating mods keep putting posts like this on front page? Instead of asking parents to put their utmost best in raising children the bitter and frustrated fellow started a topic he concocted from his deranged mind to blame women for the actions of irresponsible fathers.

Father's are deadbeat so blame the mother's for poisoning the childs mind and keeping the said child from their dad. What is stopping the father from being actively present in the child's life and showing them enough love and support to dispel any form of brainwashing from the mom about him being deadbeat?

A determined and caring father will never allow anything keep him from his kids, what these useless men do is that they abandon their kids thinking the responsibility of rising kids is on women and then in old age when they start experiencing loneliness the fools start throwing be to the wives and mothers claiming that they brainwashed the children into hating them.

I m not surprised, majority of young men these days are just frustrated from poverty and filled with bitterness and since they cannot lash out t each other they turn to women to transfer agression. If only you fools can use the same energy in tracking your worthless leaders that keep you poor and frustrated.

I don't blame the mod that keeps putting topics like this on front page.

NLmember:
Why do these bitter woman hating mods keep putting posts like this on front page? Instead of asking parents to put their utmost best in raising children the bitter and frustrated fellow started a topic he concocted from his deranged mind to blame women for the actions of irresponsible fathers.

Father's are deadbeat so blame the mother's for poisoning the childs mind and keeping the said child from their dad. What is stopping the father from being actively present in the child's life and showing them enough love and support to dispel any form of brainwashing from the mom about him being deadbeat?

A determined and caring father will never allow anything keep him from his kids, what these useless men do is that they abandon their kids thinking the responsibility of rising kids is on women and then in old age when they start experiencing loneliness the fools start throwing be to the wives and mothers claiming that they brainwashed the children into hating them.

I m not surprised, majority of young men these days are just frustrated from poverty and filled with bitterness and since they cannot lash out t each other they turn to women to transfer agression. If only you fools can use the same energy in tracking your worthless leaders that keep you poor and frustrated.

I don't blame the mod that keeps putting topics like this on front page.

pocohantas:
Sure, people really dey this world. That is why someone would think I must be a slut to write on different price tags.

People can't take what they give or it is more about changing the rules as they go.

I would not mind him. Never did anyway

Fountainofyouth:
Deranged psych on display here.


Modified
I cannot believe this thread made front page, nairaland is filled with machismo chauvinistic sexist

Regiomontanus:
Thanks for sharing. Many of the foolish girls here are just opposing the topic without reading properly. They are even acting as if what the op said doesn't happen in real life. Some know that Martinez39 is speaking the truth and they have resorted to shaming language.

Many of these girls are like the kind of mothers in the op and they plan to do like the kind of mothers in the op so they are getting defensive.

liberalchick:
“A good number of mothers” you and the OP’s generalization is why this post was spoiled by “idiots”. I know people that were lied to by their fathers who told them that their moms abandoned them. Instead they discovered their mothers were kicked out and had been forbidden to see them.

Unlike this OP, I am not going to write a post generalizing most men.

Martinez39:
You know this can be helpful to families(especially children) in resolving a lot of things and undue hatred towards their fathers.

liberalchick:
Well, for your one anecdote, I can raise you five of mine. I also have my own stories of fathers badmouthing their wives in front of their kids. No gender has a corner on parental alienation. The lesson here is adults should keep their drama to themselves and leave the kids out of it.

Martinez39:
Due to the fact that fathers instill harsh discipline and are usually away working to feed the family, children are usually close to their mothers. Mothers usually spoil and pamper their children hence another reason children are close to their mothers. One advantage of this is that the mothers have a huge influence on the minds of the children. During parental dispute and irrespective of whether the wife is at fault or not, women are usually fond of brainwashing and poisoning the minds of their children against their fathers. Even if there is no dispute, some women still control the minds of their kids in order to get the upper hand in the childish game of power they started and are playing in the home.

Most men usually settle matters amicably and are willing to own their mistakes but women, whether or not they are wrong, will always want to "win" the dispute and would go any length to achieve such. Brainwashing and poisoning the minds of the kids against the father is one of the ways of achieving such. In such brainwashing, the children see the father as the bad person while the mum is the angel. Some children later grow up to see that it was the other way around while some never grow out of the brainwashing for many years. As the woman is brainwashing the kids, she keeps the kids distant from the father so that she can successfully fuel the narrative that father is a bad and was never there. She wouldn't even let the father visit instead she always give one excuse or the other or even avoid the father. The woman would even make sure that the contacts of the children are not available to the father. The woman might even put the children in a situation whereby either they are for her or for the father. You can't blame the children for falling for the lies because the mother has appeared so nice and caring to them.

Some mothers would be communicating to the fathers behind the children's back looking for up keeps yet they won't tell the children. They will exploit the kind hearted nature of the father to get money from him by making up stories that children are sick blah blah blah. They will then make it out to be that they are the ones making the money while the father doesn't care. Sometimes when the father wants to see his children, they will charge the fathers money in one form or the other. If they fulfill their promise of let the kids see the children, which many don't, the visit would be short. Afterall, she still let the father see his children, right? She might even post the visit with the pics on her social media so that everyone can see that "she let the kids visit and spend quality time with their papa".

If you are the child of a deadbeat dad who thinks father is evil and mom is good, you have to start asking questions. Here are some of the questions you should ask :
1) Do I believe my father is horrible because I really know him or it's what my mother told me? Have I heard both sides of the story?
2) Does my mother allow free and open access for me to communicate and build a relationship with my father? Is she always monitoring my conversations with my father and asking what we discussed?
3) Has my father been providing money but my mum doesn't tell me?
4) Does my father have my contact number or did my mum make it that my father can only communicate with me through her phone so that she can monitor and regulate the conversation? She could do so to fuel the narrative that mum is good and dad is bad.
5) Nairalanders can make their suggestions.

By asking these questions and making analysis, you would figure out if mum has skeletons in her cupboard or not. It's also possible that your dad could be the one at fault. Check things for yourself. There are good and bad fathers and there are good and bad mothers. Women who do these things are wicked and can't be said to really care about the children. Why are such women reducing their children to properties/pawn to help them get the upper hand in a parental dispute or childish game of power dynamics for their own selfish reasons? Why make their children live a lie that could stay with them forever for their own selfish reasons? This is immoral. Why deprive their children of fatherly love for their own selfish reasons? Why can't they leave their children out of their dispute with their father? Why can't these women have the maturity to admit to their wrongs? Some women even publicly smear the father's reputation with lies to fuel the narrative that mum is good, dad is bad. The worse is when some of the crazies among them murder or maltreat their children to get back at the father.

IamPlato:
Your IQ is Very High But Wisdom Is What You Seriously Lack...


Why Make A Big Deal Out Of Something Like This? Some Young Folks Here Would Read This And Probably Start Seeing Their Mothers wrongly As Something Different out Of Trying To Be Smart

Fountainofyouth:
Deranged psych on display here.


Modified
I cannot believe this thread made front page, nairaland is filled with machismo chauvinistic sexist

TheEminentLaity:
When are women going to call out mothers that got children off ho-ing. Many mothers have children from fully committed men, whom they were full aware of the man's status before they continued on with their affair. How many women give birth to children because they want to tie a man down? there is even one on the front page. What do you think these 'angelic' women tell their children when the kids ask about their absentee fathers?

that I was a bïtch and I just had to fück him to have you Junior. I thought he would've stayed??

but No. Davido certainly would be a deadbeat to some of his kids, Wizkid too and the rest. Thank God for the internet exposing these lying bïtches everyday.

If your dad is a deadbeat, employ your senses and check very well. You mum might have had you when she was ho-ing Hurts, but c'est la vie. Höes love their children too and also lie to them to look like the 'supermom', 'strongwoman' and all the other superlatives they keep coming up with to their children to make the dad the villian.

Fountainofyouth:
Because it is a male talking, imagine if it was a female....

marvelous000:
you wish you peep seem to take this online twaddle serious, and i can't help but speculate on your cerebral capacity. because it's akin to that of narcissist, but in the obverse. else, how on earth will one reason that a person like me will be predisposed enough to be riled by an inconsequential online entity like you.

that's the vertex of delusion of grandeur with a touch of vapidity.

MariaLavina:
Your comments on this thread so far makes me doubt if the write up is truly yours, instead of you to defend your posts with logical points and facts you are busy guilt ripping hiding your shallows with emojis and baseless tantrums, even Capslock did a better job defending your very own thread. Pity!


Women don't paint men bad, No they just didn't cover up their husband's misconducts from their children. If you are smart, observant and exposed has you claim to be, you will realize that husbands 'painted bad' aren't saints. Most times they exhibit characters the women use against them. Lol it's funny you think a child's mind is a GIGO kind of thing. No,! Children emulate/take in/ form their perception mostly on what they see than what they hear, The later is easily forgotten while the former lasts longer. If a woman tells her child the husband is bad and the husband acts otherwise believe me those words will have no effect. So this is a case of no smoke without fire.

You also make it sound like only a woman owns the child whatever stops the father from forming a bond with his child?But No! An average African man thinks it is a sign of weakness to express emotions and that the needs of the children is basically food clothing and shelter. Other needs should be met by the woman, it is her job.And this is the cause of the fall of African Man when it comes to getting a child's love.

So what if they aren't together? Are the fathers denied access to their children? Thing is Most Nigerian men do not care that much, to them they have enough sperm to produce another child if the wife decide to go with the children. Hardly will you see a man worry that much except if the children are grown and he has invested a lot in them.A typical Nigerian man is a deadbeat one, the ones 'painted bad' are just the unmanaged ones.

That said, You seem to forget the fact that Children who have little knowledge of their fathers or mothers seek after them mostly when they are grown.They tend to appreciate the invisible one more than the one who nurture them.They begin to ask questions, make calls , search for maps just to find the one who wasnt there.At the end no one loses , This thread no hold water jare.

IceColdVeins:
I agree with the OP, cos I am kind of a victim of this.......And I feel both parents are to be blamed cos they both had equal chances on the kids, allowing your spouse gain more access to the kids while differences are yet to be settled between your spouse exposes them to coaxing and brainwashing. Right now I give less bleeps about my dad cos of my upbringing.

Starboytwo:
Ok, heres my story...

I was in 300 level, when my dad died in 2016, yeah i was there when he died, I mean literally, I was the last person he saw before he went beyond... I still remember how the nurses urshered me out, then I went by the window, I saw him took his last breath, I saw the nurse covering his face... I already knew before my brother's who were outside...

I didn't cry, when my eldest bro burst into tears, I just looked away, but I didn't cry... Why cry I didn't know the man... Apart from a few holidays, some visits, a long boring, very awkward (now most cherished) road trip, where we left Lagos in his car to our Homeland, azin our village "gan gan".... This old man took me home... Damn... I still didn't grab I needed my certificate of origin, cuz I just got admission...

You know the drill, polygamous family, 4 wives, 11 children... We the last, last wife, me and my little brother... Blah blah, she left, took us along, was five, bro was 3... Didn't see my old man again... Till he appeared when I was in pry 5... Coupla holidays, blah blah, my little bro decided to stay and live with him... So 50/50... All his children had some piece of him, except me... mummy's boy, all through... So I grew up on mummy stories, few times I spent with him were always awkward at best... Mummy's side was home, all the people I knew and loved ...

Looking back now, I think he tried to know me, he asked many questions, he bought me soccer boots, met my coach blah blah, drove me to my school, on my first day as a jss1 students( they still rep me till date, my old classmates)...

He was old, sick, yet still drove me home, I thought it'd be a day but we we're on day4 when I got real sick, I already told my mom and she made him bring me back....

all those quality times I could have spent with him, enjoy my father, his company, his last days Let's just say I was not a very good company.....


Something happened last week in my family and after 3 years since he gone, I cried uncontrollable in the bathroom, I cried so much my eyes were swollen,my girlfriend asked what's wrong with my eyes, they we're red with sorrow, I finally understood everything, it all came together, all the pieces,finally I know and understood the kind of man my father was, I finally understood the sacrifices he made, how hard his choices were... He was a good man, and for the first time in my life on Monday, I missed my dad...

For a minute I hated my mother for denying me the opportunity to know this man, my very own father... My beloved father... Damn...

I want to apologise dad, for being so stupid all this while, for not figuring things out soon enough, for frustrating you when you tried to connect, I'm sorry PAPA.... I will never Forget the look in your eye, the first day I came at the hospital, it's the most purest form of happiness I have ever seen, he held on to me and would not let go, he recognizes me after so many years and spoke so many things with his eyes, that now I fully understood....


Damn, i miss you Pop.... I miss you so much... I wish I could have that road trip again... Damn

Rest in piece sir....

NLmember:
Why do these bitter woman hating mods keep putting posts like this on front page? Instead of asking parents to put their utmost best in raising children the bitter and frustrated fellow started a topic he concocted from his deranged mind to blame women for the actions of irresponsible fathers.

Father's are deadbeat so blame the mother's for poisoning the childs mind and keeping the said child from their dad. What is stopping the father from being actively present in the child's life and showing them enough love and support to dispel any form of brainwashing from the mom about him being deadbeat?

A determined and caring father will never allow anything keep him from his kids, what these useless men do is that they abandon their kids thinking the responsibility of rising kids is on women and then in old age when they start experiencing loneliness the fools start throwing be to the wives and mothers claiming that they brainwashed the children into hating them.

I m not surprised, majority of young men these days are just frustrated from poverty and filled with bitterness and since they cannot lash out t each other they turn to women to transfer agression. If only you fools can use the same energy in tracking your worthless leaders that keep you poor and frustrated.

I don't blame the mod that keeps putting topics like this on front page.

KanuSE:
Robust response!

Calm down and keep your emotions in check.

KanuSE:
I feel you bro!

I had responded to one of the commenters here before I stumbled on your post, he mentioned that he gives less fvcks about his dad...smh

One particular element featured in the account you gave up there which I also mentioned in quoting that chap is that "as we grow older, we tend to process the events in our lives better thereby having a clearer picture of how we could have handled the situation better". I encouraged him to gain wisdom now.

As for you missing your dad now, you're allowed the feelings of regret if at all there's any.

marvelous000:
What you lack in intelligence, you more than make up for in idiocy. it will be disingenuity if I don't tell you that some people bring joy wherever they go. You, on the other hand, bring joy whenever you go.

KanuSE:
You need to make up with your dad coz there's more to learn than what you already know. As a male child, there's need to bond with one's dad coz their role in our development phases cannot be overemphasized.

@bolded, you will miss him & appreciate him more when he eventually passes away coz as we grow older, we tend to process the events in our lives better thereby having a clearer picture of how could have handled the situation better.

Gain wisdom now!

KanuSE:
Please focus on the message and leave the messenger.

KanuSE:
Are you trying to deny the content of the post?

Please don't be quick to play the chauvinism card .....drop it.

Elliot2:
See how a well articulated topic has been spoilt by idiots who should be in the caves. This is one topic that would have had meaningful engagement if it were on quora.
Well,the truth is that a good number of mothers are not altruistic in their show of love toward their children. Like every other things women easily create competition even when uncalled for,they are in a competition for the child's attention; one which they get and perpetually use. This becomes especially pronounced if their is a friction between the woman and the man. It is as if they book-keep every act of kindness towards the child; they highlight those deeds,trying to reinforce your memory. You remember their acts of kindness more than you do for your dad's. In fact, most mothers' love is a weapon they consciously build and nurture.

KanuSE:
Insensitivity is worrying you.