kunleweb:



You don dey dey bold

Dem don dey show you road abi?


I mean I prefer WhatsApp for communication,it helps me juggle between informal dealings and official work

Road!
Nobody dey show me any road o.

I understand. I mean it's been long we chatted there so I no longer have your number.

OBUKOMENA:
Very good points, bro. The urge for sex with her is gradually dying. Because of that, I stay 4-5 wks without nearing her cos it's going to be same style, same frustrating experience, no kissing, etc. Na the build-up of the urge dey make me go near her again. And guess what? I have a high libido. Imagine someone who had had sex only once before marrying at 37. Hmmm?

no kissing Let me drop this like it's hot man, your wife is not in love with you.

You either find a way to make her fall in love with you or you walk out of the marriage.

Adufetooposh:
Bros no vex na.... Thank God it didn't happen to you.

My sister, you too know as e take carry be. When men don't investigate their women before they marry, they end up with avoidable issues like this.

You even brought up a part we almost completely forgot. Not kissing the husband, which is the co.plete proof of lack of love
.

What Mr. OP is going through is as scary as the movie, One Missed Call.

I know myself, I love sex so if I agree to no sex relationship with anyone, I must be double sure of that person's history and compatibility with me, or she has a toleratable sexual characteristic.

I'm slightly scared of marriage but this just deepened that fear.

@MissJoy29, I no go lie, this is one of the most bizarre ways to punish any man. He's only had sex once in 30something years before getting married. Him try to carry that kind record for today's world.

Sincerely, your discussions with @Kunle.web is kinda troubling. I mean, you guys both acknowledged that it's become a competition between the males and females who will ruin the other more? Lord, help me.

From this thread. I'm nearing the time when I would have nothing to do with this place called NL again. Too toxic, a very contagious thing.

Life expectancy is still generally below 60, yet people still choose to leave others in pain.

@Obukomena, I can only advice you to turn this into a power game and see if she'll correct herself. After which any other thing you do, will be your full responsibility.

I can't be commonsensical or logical here because my highest experience with women is too limited compared to you.

If you must act, please don't go outside of God. I'm just not happy with this situation at all.

galadima77:


She doesn't dig you abeg. Was the child birth through CS?

Great question here. If she didn't give birth through a caesarean, she's lying to you. She has been sexually active before you met her and can't even allow you do anything meaningful. Something is wrong. A woman that has given both before can't be finding penetrative sex extremely painful. How does she even feel about what you're passing through? Have you complained to her your feeling? Even if she doesn't love you, the fact that she's not expecting any other husband is enough to make her allow you but maybe with no emotions. Just allowing you to rub on her this thing is sickening, awkward and preposterous. She just allowed you to do as much as you have done when she wanted to have a baby and nothing else.

My advice is simple. Talk to her about how this whole marriage is playing out and let her feel your dissatisfaction. She should tell you what the problem is and how it can be solved. If she can't say anything tangible or verifiable or keeps giving you flimsy reasons then walk away. Serve herb divorce papers and walk. This life is too shot for someone to deny you of your happiness. From the look of thing you're loosing your mind gradually and it won't be long depression will set in. Don't let her win with her wickedness.

cassyrooy:
What Mr. OP is going through is as scary as the movie, One Missed Call.

I know myself, I love sex so if I agree to no sex relationship with anyone, I must be double sure of that person's history and compatibility with me, or she has a toleratable sexual characteristic.

I'm slightly scared of marriage but this just deepened that fear.

@MissJoy29, I no go lie, this is one of the most bizarre ways to punish any man. He's only had sex once in 30something years before getting married. Him try to carry that kind record for today's world.

Sincerely, your discussions with @Kunle.web is kinda troubling. I mean, you guys both acknowledged that it's become a competition between the males and females who will ruin the other more? Lord, help me.

From this thread. I'm nearing the time when I would have nothing to do with this place called NL again. Too toxic, a very contagious thing.

Life expectancy is still generally below 60, yet people still choose to leave others in pain.

@Obukomena, I can only advice you to turn this into a power game and see if she'll correct herself. After which any other thing you do, will be your full responsibility.

I can't be commonsensical or logical here because my highest experience with women is too limited compared to you.

If you must act, please don't go outside of God. I'm just not happy with this situation at all.

My dear eh, the whole thing is SHOCKING! My biggest problem here is that she's not concerned about what he's going through. That's as disturbing as fucck mehn!

MissJoy29:

My dear eh, the whole thing is SHOCKING! My biggest problem here is that she's not concerned about what he's going through. That's as disturbing as fucck mehn!

These are some of the things I can't recover from.

A woman who's unwilling to accept that her actions, and inactions are driving you mad, but still refuse to change such is very bad.

I'm very patient but I don't know how long it will last.

He's tried but the wife has to try too.

cassyrooy:
These are some of the things I can't recover from.

A woman who's unwilling to accept that her actions, and inactions are driving you mad, but still refuse to change such is very bad.

I'm very patient but I don't know how long it will last.

He's tried but the wife has to try too.

Actually the worst is knowing they drive you mad but purposely REFUSING & UNWILLING to change.

Scary things dear. Scary things.

MissJoy29:

Actually the worst is knowing they drive you mad but purposely REFUSING & UNWILLING to change.

Scary things dear. Scary things.

Okay, I'm fed up.

The moment I notice that a hurtful attitude is delibrate , I'd end things. I'm not masochistic biko.

cassyrooy:
Okay, I'm fed up.

The moment I notice that a hurtful attitude is delibrate , I'd end things. I'm not masochistic biko.

I get. I'd surely do same too.

MissJoy29:

I get. I'd surely do same too.

Yeah, like we were discussing here, same was happening right to me on the other side.

Na God go help we guys.

What is marriage without sex...omg be you are really enduring o.
How can I sleep next to my wife and no sex...this is the hardest punishment.

cassyrooy:
Yeah, like we were discussing here, same was happening right to me on the other side.

Na God go help we guys.

Exactly! That's why I feel bad about it.
Hang in there dearie.

she's cheating on you
go and listen to Adekunle Gold damn Delilah.

What your wife is CLAIMING to have is VAGINISMUS.

VAGINISMUS is a common 'illness' amongst (religious) women who are virgins or have been abstinent for a VERY LONG time.

Most of the time, women with vaginismus mentally consider sex, penetrative sex as an abberation.

The condition requires effort from both the woman and the man through counseling, therapy, as individuals and couples; and love to successfully battle it.

The optimist will assume that your wife is saying the truth. What made her "change her ways"? Was she raped? Was she into sex work? Did she become sexually active relatively early in her life?

The pessimist will say that your wife doesn't love you. Frankly, you will know this better than anybody else. The biggest clue in this direction is that she REFUSES TO ALLOW YOU TO KISS HER.

My guy, you need to assert yourself. Are you fat? Are you ugly? Are you whiny? Your wife might be disgusted by you.

Many wives in this situation will only change (TEMPORARILY) if they feel threatened. You don't even have to cheat for them to feel threatened. Merely getting in shape, pursuing your hobbies, smiling more, traveling yourself, etc will make her suspicious and jealous.

Work on yourself. Enjoy yourself. Step back from the family a bit. Take the DECISION on your marriage. Don't wait until she cheats or files for divorce.

Cheers. Sorry about this problem.

OBUKOMENA:
I married my wife three years ago and we had a child two years after wedding. Before we married, we actually dated for 5yrs. During this time, we were on a no-sex-before-marriage relationship.

On our wedding night, I realized there was something wrong with either of us, cos the sex didnt go well. I'd thought it was the fatigue caused by the day's activities. Subsequently, I noticed that my wife was always shouting and withdrawing from sex each time I penetrated her. I asked her why and she said the sex was painful.

My wife had been in a sexual relationship for almost 10yrs before I met her. I, on the other hand, had only had sex once in my 37 yrs (age I married). When my wife and I agreed to the no sex before marriage thing, during our period of dating, I started looking forward to our wedding night. I started fantasising on what sex would be like with my wife. I longed for sex with her....

How did she become pregnant? Ever since we got married, the kind of sexual intercourse we practised was one in which I would have to penetrate her ONLY with the tip of my joystick, or She pushed me away. Achieving full penetration was a mirage for me and it was frustrating and not enjoyable at all! I could not achieve that full penetration cos to her, it was paining her. That was how we had our sexual intercourse until she informed me she was pregnant. I didn't question the ownership of the pregnancy cos we are both Believers. I must sincerely say that it was DURING her pregnancy that I enjoyed sex with her. It was the period she allowed me to achieve that normal, full penetration I craved for. It was the period she was making those sounds typical of an intercourse.
We both paused sex until 3 months after childbirth.


From the time we resumed sex up till now, matters have become worse. This time around, no partial nor full penetration. All she wanted was for me to just rub my joystick around her vagina and she would cum. This, to me, wasn't my definition of sex. It's a frustrating and nightmarish experience. The sex that I so longed for It now looks like I am married to a woman without a vagina. This situation is killing me softly. I am dying inside. I don't know who to discuss this sensitive issue with for advice. Worse still, She told me bluntly that active, penetrative sex is a TURN OFF for her. She prefers passive sex. My wife doesn't even allow me to kiss her anymore. I guess she allowed partial penetration before childbirth cos she knew if i didnt penetrate her at all, she wouldnt get pregnant. Is this what I am going to live with the rest of my life?

NB: I had advised her to seek medical help; she said NO and that she didn't see it as a problem. I also advised her to use Vaseline during intercourse; she insisted it was inimical to her health. All other suggestions brought before her fell on deaf ears.

Pls, I need advice on what to do.


Modified: Pls, don't just view and ignore. I need your advice. I brought this matter up here cos it's a faceless forum. I will not seek help on Facebook cos it's a sensitive issue concerning my wife

Am a married man like you. Bro if your wife doesn't want to seek solution to her alleged pain during sex, then she is hidding something. Keep Christianity aside and force her to open up. Run a DNA test on all your kids to assert the true paternity of your children.

Darammliveth:
How on earth can you agree to a no sex relationship with a girl who is not a virgin anymore? Well the whole story looks fake to me because a sane man cannot tolerate such. Man pikin don suffer for punna hand o

I cannot condone such, the only ground i may(conditional statement) consider such is if she's a virgin apart from that it is a no no for me, when we talk of compatibility in marriage not only medical, financial, values and behavioural
compatibility. Sexual compatibility is also involved

OBUKOMENA:
Good question! They say women crave for sex more when they are pregnant. Guess that was what happened. Besides, this baby I'm talking here looks me. My wife is no-longer proud of her past, actually. She's now a preacher of the Word. Reason I have never suspected her of infidelity.

Your wife is a lesbian.
Had she been in the West, she wouldn't have married u.

She saw a naive man and used him.

File for divorce. Hope u have learnt ur lesson.

Also, most women don't crave sex when pregnant. U don't sleep in the same room with me not to talk of sex till I put to bed. It's that terrible.

This man should please grow some balls biko, you where probably her last choice in the sack, it is just totally unfair, this is why bad boys keep geting the P and even the best girls, oga the woman sees you as weak and docile, since whatever shit she gives you, you swallow, i dont dispute "odd" health condotions oh, but pls wise up fast, if not na there u go old oh and she might actually be getting it deep else where, i bet u are just stuck or obsessed with her, just my view sha

Darammliveth:
How on earth can you agree to a no sex relationship with a girl who is not a virgin anymore? Well the whole story looks fake to me because a sane man cannot tolerate such. Man pikin don suffer for punna hand o

peepydelano:
As traumatizing as it is,begin to find what could be wrong with her,shes hiding something she's not proud of from you and that thing she's hiding is sexual related .Find out what that thing is.I have seen a case where a lady secretly contact her ex to make her wet before allowing her fiance to touch her.

Men that is deep.....Bleep...means she cant just get over him dammn

OBUKOMENA:
I married my wife three years ago and we had a child two years after wedding. Before we married, we actually dated for 5yrs. During this time, we were on a no-sex-before-marriage relationship.

On our wedding night, I realized there was something wrong with either of us, cos the sex didnt go well. I'd thought it was the fatigue caused by the day's activities. Subsequently, I noticed that my wife was always shouting and withdrawing from sex each time I penetrated her. I asked her why and she said the sex was painful.

My wife had been in a sexual relationship for almost 10yrs before I met her. I, on the other hand, had only had sex once in my 37 yrs (age I married). When my wife and I agreed to the no sex before marriage thing, during our period of dating, I started looking forward to our wedding night. I started fantasising on what sex would be like with my wife. I longed for sex with her....

How did she become pregnant? Ever since we got married, the kind of sexual intercourse we practised was one in which I would have to penetrate her ONLY with the tip of my joystick, or She pushed me away. Achieving full penetration was a mirage for me and it was frustrating and not enjoyable at all! I could not achieve that full penetration cos to her, it was paining her. That was how we had our sexual intercourse until she informed me she was pregnant. I didn't question the ownership of the pregnancy cos we are both Believers. I must sincerely say that it was DURING her pregnancy that I enjoyed sex with her. It was the period she allowed me to achieve that normal, full penetration I craved for. It was the period she was making those sounds typical of an intercourse.
We both paused sex until 3 months after childbirth.


From the time we resumed sex up till now, matters have become worse. This time around, no partial nor full penetration. All she wanted was for me to just rub my joystick around her vagina and she would cum. This, to me, wasn't my definition of sex. It's a frustrating and nightmarish experience. The sex that I so longed for It now looks like I am married to a woman without a vagina. This situation is killing me softly. I am dying inside. I don't know who to discuss this sensitive issue with for advice. Worse still, She told me bluntly that active, penetrative sex is a TURN OFF for her. She prefers passive sex. My wife doesn't even allow me to kiss her anymore. I guess she allowed partial penetration before childbirth cos she knew if i didnt penetrate her at all, she wouldnt get pregnant. Is this what I am going to live with the rest of my life?

NB: I had advised her to seek medical help; she said NO and that she didn't see it as a problem. I also advised her to use Vaseline during intercourse; she insisted it was inimical to her health. All other suggestions brought before her fell on deaf ears.

Pls, I need advice on what to do.


Modified: Pls, don't just view and ignore. I need your advice. I brought this matter up here cos it's a faceless forum. I will not seek help on Facebook cos it's a sensitive issue concerning my wife

Man up Man ! What is wrong with you ? Sit her ass down and pour out your mind. Like someone rightly suggested earlier, divorce is not a crime. If care is not taken,you will start fornicating and the society will judge you harshly without knowing your story.

That's why I don't like these religious people; too much pretence. For how long are you going to play along because you don't want to hurt your evangelical wife? If she is not ready to make the necessary adjustment,divorce her and look for a better woman. Sexual compatibility issue in any marriage is a red flag. It cannot be managed.

The ball is in your court,take a decision and stop being a weakling.

OBUKOMENA:
Do u know what? I sought help from one of the female doctors at my workplace; I gave her number to the doctor so she could call my wife and advise her on what to do. She got enraged saying I was telling people about her. I had to tell the doctor not to call again. My sister, in my next life, I am going to marry a prostitute I swear!

Pastor Pastor!

You are not Hosea o. God did not command you to marry a prostitute sir!

I’m pleased you found space for a little humour here in the midst of this heartbreaking situation.

The worst kind of partner is one that knows something is wrong and refuses to make any effort to correct it. It is unfair for her to refuse to see a doctor or counsellor. Make man dey beg for sex from him wife? That’s not how the Creator planned it. Not at all.

You might have to trick her into seeing a marriage counsellor whom she respects.

My own method would be to threaten to leave the marriage cos I’m not enjoying it and I suspect foul play. I would drop that on her and watch her reaction. Then we must see a marriage counsellor. I will be firm on that.

Shebi she is a preacher? The bible is clear. Her body belongs to you and yours to her. She cannot just decide to be rationing sex like candy. It is wicked and certainly does not come from a place of Love.

I would also conduct a paternity test secretly.

Well, that’s me. It’s up to you.

OBUKOMENA:
I married my wife three years ago and we had a child two years after wedding. Before we married, we actually dated for 5yrs. During this time, we were on a no-sex-before-marriage relationship.

On our wedding night, I realized there was something wrong with either of us, cos the sex didnt go well. I'd thought it was the fatigue caused by the day's activities. Subsequently, I noticed that my wife was always shouting and withdrawing from sex each time I penetrated her. I asked her why and she said the sex was painful.

My wife had been in a sexual relationship for almost 10yrs before I met her. I, on the other hand, had only had sex once in my 37 yrs (age I married). When my wife and I agreed to the no sex before marriage thing, during our period of dating, I started looking forward to our wedding night. I started fantasising on what sex would be like with my wife. I longed for sex with her....

How did she become pregnant? Ever since we got married, the kind of sexual intercourse we practised was one in which I would have to penetrate her ONLY with the tip of my joystick, or She pushed me away. Achieving full penetration was a mirage for me and it was frustrating and not enjoyable at all! I could not achieve that full penetration cos to her, it was paining her. That was how we had our sexual intercourse until she informed me she was pregnant. I didn't question the ownership of the pregnancy cos we are both Believers. I must sincerely say that it was DURING her pregnancy that I enjoyed sex with her. It was the period she allowed me to achieve that normal, full penetration I craved for. It was the period she was making those sounds typical of an intercourse.
We both paused sex until 3 months after childbirth.


From the time we resumed sex up till now, matters have become worse. This time around, no partial nor full penetration. All she wanted was for me to just rub my joystick around her vagina and she would cum. This, to me, wasn't my definition of sex. It's a frustrating and nightmarish experience. The sex that I so longed for It now looks like I am married to a woman without a vagina. This situation is killing me softly. I am dying inside. I don't know who to discuss this sensitive issue with for advice. Worse still, She told me bluntly that active, penetrative sex is a TURN OFF for her. She prefers passive sex. My wife doesn't even allow me to kiss her anymore. I guess she allowed partial penetration before childbirth cos she knew if i didnt penetrate her at all, she wouldnt get pregnant. Is this what I am going to live with the rest of my life?

NB: I had advised her to seek medical help; she said NO and that she didn't see it as a problem. I also advised her to use Vaseline during intercourse; she insisted it was inimical to her health. All other suggestions brought before her fell on deaf ears.

Pls, I need advice on what to do.


Modified: Pls, don't just view and ignore. I need your advice. I brought this matter up here cos it's a faceless forum. I will not seek help on Facebook cos it's a sensitive issue concerning my wife

I think she's allergic to sperm, or she's just asexual