Dear Nairalanders, I greet you all.

Pls I need candid advice, I have dated my wife for over six years without an issue and now that we have done traditional rites and about to climax with white wedding she is giving flimsy excuses that she is no longer interested in me.

She is currently in final year and has drastically changed in her dressing and attitude towards due to influence of friends in school.

Often I do report incidences of her recent poor dressing to her parents after cautioning her she will channel the grievances to me.

The recent one made her so angry that she started recanting all my past mistakes which she and her family are aware of and have resolved since now using it as an excuse against me that she is no longer interested.

She kept mute for over two weeks due to anger yet I still transferred money twice to her but up till now she did not acknowledged it, only for her to send text that she need money for our daughters school fees. I then decide to visit them off campus where they stay yesterday with lots of provision yet she could not say a common thank you.

While I was still making peace with her asking her to forgive me for whatever wrong I have done to her by reporting her to her PARENTS, promising not to do so again, a guy knocked the door and she went out after the guy I asked a relation who was there who was the guy and he said he is my wife's friend, I quickly followed them on citing me the guy diverted after their discussion about me.

When we then entered the house I asked her who was the guy and she said that's not my business. I kept quiet.

After a while I called her parents to tell them the situation of things that their daughter said she is no longer interested they now asked us to come down to the village to see them this coming weekend.

I know things are not alright somewhere and as such I need straight forward advice on what to do.

Pls no insult just help out.

Thanks

Another ladies palaver. After you ladies will start saying guys pointing out ladies wrongs are fault finding, Aweleawkaetiti MissJoy29. Come and keep defending your sisters needlessly


Go and give thanksgiving and end it Op. She doesn't love you and hasnt grown up. Is easily influenced by outside sources, hence may not be loyal for the long term and can be easily swayed. That's assuming all you said is true and she is guilty of all you wrote. Cause it takes two to tango


Thank God its early.

She is not interested in the marriage, and if you marry her by force you will be entering a life time of misery and a constant battle to prove yourself to her. Better get out now before it’s too late. It’s that simple.

I don’t know why men are always fighting for women that don’t want them. They’re millions of single available women go and look for them and leave this small girl alone.

Another guy's dìck has reformatted her brain.
If you marry that kyn woman, na wetin u gain?
The woman is lost; but your daughter you can still train.

So, you still need Ifa to come and tell you that your ‘supposed’ wife is getting the Dicck from a better source
To beg a woman to be your responsibility is the height of stupidity!!!

I'm sure, there is somebody somewhere spinning her head. What was her reason for proposing to quit the relationship She is being distracted by someone .. just visit the parents first and see how things turns out but for now, I will suggest you neutralise your mind, because you can't really force someone to love or marry you against their will, if you do, it always end in misery. Are you the one responsible for her education Are you educated as well? Focus on your daughter and try to carry out your responsibility towards her. Shalommm!

ststyreal:
I'm sure, there is somebody somewhere spinning her head. What was her reason for proposing to quit the relationship She is being distracted by someone .. just visit the parents first and see how things turns out but for now, I will suggest you neutralise your mind, because you can't really force someone to love or marry you against their will, if you do, it always end in misery. Are you the one responsible for her education Are you educated as well? Focus on your daughter and try to carry out your responsibility towards her. Shalommm!

Which brings us to the point that if a lady can be influenced by external party, she's immature for marriage.


A guy did that to my princess this year and she assumed all she learnt was correct. Finally the guy starts having sex with her as intimacy grew out of their negative alliance. She has recently learnt that I wasn't broke but living coded while the guy influencing her was eating her money and sexing for free. She was influenced from the outside, like eve, like my princess.

I move on jejely without creating thread. Mi o ra ye oshi

You are old news and definitely a nuisance in her life. The sooner you accept that fact... the better.

I hate the fact you report back to your in-laws. Where's your ego & pride man?

It's time to take a step back.
Stop fighting for her love and attention!

Give up today. Withdraw any monetary support and only focus on the interest of your children.

healthserve:




Which brings us to the point that if a lady can be influenced by external party, she's immature for marriage.


A guy did that to my princess this year and she assumed all she learnt was correct. Finally the guy starts having sex with her as intimacy grew out of their negative alliance. She has recently learnt that I wasn't broke but living coded while the guy influencing her was eating her money and sexing for free. She was influenced from the outside, like eve, like my princess.

I move on jejely without creating thread. Mi o ra ye oshi

;Dfunny you.... You know of this saying that some have head but no cap while some have the cap but no head to put it on. Some lady will see a man who truly love them but they will so frustrate such a man while there are some who are just waiting for a man to say * hello* and the next is marriage. For a man to report you to your parents, it means he loves you and genuinely wants the best for you but some ladies do misinterprete it to mean otherwise. This love of a thing sef, dey tire me sometimes.

ststyreal:

;Dfunny you.... You know of this saying that some have head but no cap while some have the cap but no head to put it on. Some lady will see a man who truly love them but they will so frustrate such a man while there are some who are just waiting for a man to say * hello* and the next is marriage. For a man to report you to your parents, it means he loves you and genuinely wants the best for you but some ladies do misinterprete it to mean otherwise. This love of a thing sef, dey tire me sometimes.

The sad tale is I was setting up a company as a proposal gift to her. Which was worth millions . These days the sisters and mum see me in church, shame covers them from top to toe.


Love is a very very tricky feeling. The ones you live don't appreciate, the ones you don't love chase you. It sucks.

Nairaland Marriage-wahalaland

healthserve:




The sad tale is I was setting up a company as a proposal gift to her. Which was worth millions . These days the sisters and mum see me in church, shame covers them from top to toe.


Love is a very very tricky feeling. The ones you live don't appreciate, the ones you don't love chase you. It sucks.

I am telling you. This love of a thing is so confusing. Let him neutraluse his mind but na wa for some ladies oooooo, after carrying out the traditional rite, it now dawn on her that she is no longer interested.... Well, they say a broken courtship is better than a misery marriage...

ststyreal:

I am telling you. This love of a thing is so confusing. Let him neutraluse his mind but na wa for some ladies oooooo, after carrying out the traditional rite, it now dawn on her that she is no longer interested.... Well, they say a broken courtship is better than a misery marriage...

Mine got to that stage.


You ladies need to overcome external influence. Thus is one of the most basic principles for sustainable relationships. Not everyone is happy for what you have and would rather talk you out of it, albeit disguising as a comforter, than a two-faced entity

healthserve:




Mine got to that stage.


You ladies need to overcome external influence. Thus is one of the most basic principles for sustainable relationships. Not everyone is happy for what you have and would rather talk you out of it, albeit disguising as a comforter, than a two-faced entity

Yeah you are right, you know.... God will help us

ststyreal:

Yeah you are right, you know.... God will help us

Amen

The earlier you guys understand that not so many undergraduate girls are very pro-marriage, the better for you. Once you spot that one who is very much interested in the fast life, pull the plug immediately.

Her parents told you both to come to the VILLAGE? You think if her parents had enough to be giving her, she would bother herself with you?

It is painful my dear, but your wife is in her hoe-phase. Some skip that phase, some spend few years in it, some stay a decade there- even do spillover.

You need to have some self-respect. A grown ass man following two fcking undergraduates to hear their conversation?

You guys don't hear word. You remind me of my colleague and that tin-tomatoes-headed girl he was pursuing. One small 200l girl. The way the girl did his heart ehn, she passed it through shredder.

Go find one afternoon newspaper that has her life figured out. Someone that will bring in tangible and intangible resources to the relationship. That way when she wants to throw it all away, she would think of how it would hit her own balance sheet.

Thanks brotherly to all your contributions so far I am learning from them.

MYDEBBY:
Thanks brotherly to all your contributions so far I am learning from them.

I don't know why I have a feeling you are one very humble guy, the type who isn't very adventurous, missionary style kinda guy...

Don't even force her. Difficult to do, but that is the best thing for your long term sanity. If not, she will keep making it obvious by her words that she never wanted you.

Recently a NLder was here to report himself after telling his wife she wasn't his first choice. That might be you in few years time, only that you will be at the receiving end.

You see all these girls that their eyes are up? Once they start wearing some kind clothe and experiencing city-girls life, marriage no dey their mind o. Let alone marriage to some homely dude. She will convince herself there is still time and there is better out there.

She might only remember you (or your type) when she is retiring. Pele

You didn’t say how old she is. You’ve been dating for 6 years with a child before marriage. Maybe she’s feeling like you stole her youth before she could really discover herself. Maybe she’s now old enough to realize that you’re not her specs.

Ultimately, it sounds like she’s simply not into you anymore. . . . assuming she ever was. If she wants to end the relationship, don’t force her to change her mind because that’s only delaying the inevitable. If you did something wrong to cause the change (your past mistakes maybe?) then you’ll have to convince her that you’re truly remorseful and maybe she’ll give you another chance. Life’s too short for “manage-manage” relationships. All the best.

pocohantas:


I don't know why I have a feeling you are one very humble guy, the type who isn't very adventurous, missionary style kinda guy...

Don't even force her. Difficult to do, but that is the best thing for your long term sanity. If not, she will keep making it obvious by her words that she never wanted you.

Recently a NLder was here to report himself after telling his wife she wasn't his first choice. That might be you in few years time, only that you will be at the receiving end.

You see all these girls that their eyes are up? Once they start wearing some kind clothe and experiencing city-girls life, marriage no dey their mind o. Let alone marriage to some homely dude. She will convince herself there is still time and there is better out there.

She might only remember you (or your type) when she is retiring. Pele

Is missionary style the new word for people without bedroom game? Us oldies want to know.

.

ornicus:


Is missionary style the new word for people without bedroom game? Us oldies want to know.

Hehehe. Go and update your OS biko.

Breaststroke:


Kai this girl sha .

Which one is tin tomatoes headed girl?

Your comments never fail to amuse me.

Are you being sarcastic with the portions I quoted?


@ OP,

Can you be more assertive and in charge without reporting everything to her parents?

They are words guys use here na. I had to help to use it, because I know they would soon arrive.

Nevertheless, the hoe-phase is that phase where the girl wants to explore and all. Some men think all women want to do is marry and birth, they don't know we want to have some fun too. Probably this girl used her own time in that stage being committed to him and a child. Now, she wants to get it back.
It is a pity it has to be at the detriment of their marriage, but such is life.

pocohantas:
The earlier you guys understand that not so many undergraduate girls are very pro-marriage, the better for you. Once you spot that one who is very much interested in the fast life, pull the plug immediately.

Her parents told you both to come to the VILLAGE? You think if her parents had enough to be giving her, she would bother herself with you?

It is painful my dear, but your wife is in her hoe-phase. Some skip that phase, some spend few years in it, some stay a decade there- even do spillover.

You need to have some self-respect. A grown ass man following two fcking undergraduates to hear their conversation?

You guys don't hear word. You remind me of my colleague and that tin-tomatoes-headed girl he was pursuing. One small 200l girl. The way the girl did his heart ehn, she passed it through shredder.

Go find one afternoon newspaper that has her life figured out. Someone that will bring in tangible and intangible resources to the relationship. That way when she wants to throw it all away, she would think of how it would hit her own balance sheet.

Ooohhhhjj
Sista Poco
I always enjoy your contributions but men don't like afternoon newspapers tbh.
There is nothing as sweet as marrying a lady btwn 22-25yrs but it as it's consequence

tell her sweet stories, impregnate her and run

pocohantas:


Hehehe. Go and update your OS biko.

You are enjoying this curious cat oh..


Itiboliboh

emmaodet:


Ooohhhhjj
Sista Poco
I always enjoy your contributions but men don't like afternoon newspapers tbh.
There is nothing as sweet as marrying a lady btwn 22-25yrs but it as it's consequence

I didn't even say EVENING, ordinary AFTERNOON. Afternoon ooo! Hian!

Thegamingorca:

You are enjoying this curious cat oh..


Itiboliboh

Yes my love

.

Breaststroke:






While we are at it, can you pls explain the beef most nairaland males seem to have for you?

Not necessary please.

It's just rehashing at this point, allow the forum to rest.

It seems men are more fixated on marriage these days o.
I thought it's women who used to carry marriage matter for head, so marriage dey pay men too? Every where you look, it's a man opening thread and lamenting about their relationship or marriage problem.
Whattagwan?
Pls, #teamforeigngirls

Anyway, OP. Sorry, but I'm not making mockery of your situation
You need to understand love or commitment should never be forced. Never.
She has used mouth to tell you, she has shown you by her attitude that she is no longer interested. What more do you want na , my brother?

Op, if I got your story right, your wife's dressing and attitude changed due to the influence of her friends and you often report her to her parents. And the last incident really got her angry to the extent of her keeping mute and she said shes no longer interested in the marriage.And a guy came to visit her
There are two things involved:
1) she might not really mean she's no longer interested in the marriage but she is acting that way because she is still very angry at you and is doing yanga because of your costant involvement of her parents in her case and wants you to come back to your sense.
Women are very emotional, sometimes their no means yes.
You guys should be able to settle matter amicably without involving parents and family members. If both of cant do this then i guess you arent ready for marriage.
2) she's truly no longer interested in you and really wants to explore or try out something new. 6 years is a long time. She has seen all of you both your strength and weakness. Already has a child for you. She might be distracted by another guy.
There's is only way to find out, show her unusual love, care and attention just for few weeks. Show her that you still want her and wants the marriage to work out and be sober for your actions. A normal sensible woman will come to her senses and reconcile seeing your commitment.
But prepare for the worst, have a backup plan, if she doesn't reconcile just forget about her and start planing on how to take care of your daughter.
Please, I only gave the op my opinion, you can give yours without quoting or insulting me, nobody should quote me without properly comprehending what I have written. We all have different view point
By the way the OP only told one side of the story, he didn't talk about his past mistakes too.

No need stressing yourself sir. She's no longer into you.