₦airaland Forum

philip0906:
Seems like you're also a sociopath like the @op's girl...

destinyy23:
You can do all these, great! but don't castigate someone else's inability to cope with them. There are other things she might be capable of that you wouldn't dare. Don't come acting like she has to be you, she can't be you and God helping her, she'd overcome this challenge.

Fountainofyouth:
Truly, men are confused, some people are looking for her type, while some get her on a platter of gold but are not contented.

baby124:
She has ISSUES! This is not shyness. A shy person will go to the event and may not mingle as much. This one behaves like she has a mental disorder. This is extreme my dear. Don’t mistake mental disorders for shyness. Shy people go out and function in the world. They work, they attend events. This one that can not be around people, Is who you want him to marry. If he was your brother trying to marry a girl that is running from all of you like she has something to hide, will you not be concerned?

She obviously has a lot to hide. She’s not a child she’s 24! She by now should have seen enough of life to know how to handle herself in a social setting. She is even Nigerian and Nigerians are very social people, that if you are shy you would have known how to blend by 24.

It’s Either that she has something to hide, she has mental issues or this is the tone she wants to set before marriage and will give him trouble for attending these functions after marriage.

destinyy23:
I used to be..

olabrinks:
I think you are being very inconsiderate and harsh and using your personal situation to make a judgement, which is wrong. When someone is suffering from social anxiety, it is not a choice, they do not want to be that way but mentally they just cannot handle social situations. There are different levels to this and I think what the OPs gf has, is an extreme case. That you believe it’s ‘normal’ for a girl to rush and see her boyfriends family doesn’t exempt her or disqualify her to become his wife if she doesn’t behave in that way. Every single human being has their own weakness. That you behave in a certain way doesn’t mean everybody else must follow.

The only way to deal with this situation is with patience. Your family might also come across as intimidating, as you have claimed your sister is already having problems with her all because she’s the quiet type. Step by step, bring her around one friend, let her get comfortable. Then start increasing it from there. Also go out more, just the two of you since she’s comfortable with you. That can help with her with learning how to be outside more. They’re many things you can do, but do not give up on her. Good luck

bukatyne:
I cannot marry a man who cannot stand socializing with my family. Max 5 hours in a week?

baby124:
By the way, I am not someone that goes to party everyday. In fact hubby is more social. But I don’t joke when it comes to family and mutual friends function. I show up, decked up and come out of my shell.

She can make the effort if she wants to, there are no extremes in life. If something is important to who you love as long as it does not compromise your health and safety, you will try to make them happy. Any extremist is a no-no in any situation. Run from extremists, they will destroy you.

How can someone be reluctant to meet your family and friends before marriage, is she mad? It’s even for her own good to see if she can belong to such a family or even marry you.

How will she feel if you refuse to meet her family members at all? If you act like her you won’t even meet them for introduction and you will never attend her family functions. Women can’t take that you know? Please and please flee from this woman. This one will not want to see anybody in your house. Trust me.

yeyeosoronga:
She is not married yet. He has the choice to take his leave or accept her as she is. Anxiety is a life long disorder for most people with it. There are good days and bad days. Their life doesn't have to stop because they have anxiety, and they shouldn't be discriminated against.
How can you advice someone with a mental health disorder to purposely go and seek out another person with mental health disorder? It's a shame that in 2019, we still try to discriminate against others with medical challenges

midnighter:
I'm not castigating her at all, did you read my post?

If you are incapable of doing something, can't you at least try to improve on it? Must you stay the same way forever??

Inability to do something doesn't mean people should coddle you and leave you to be stagnant because they don't want to offend you or make you feel bad

ginaolo:
Hi

I’ve been with a lady for some time now but I’m starting to have doubts about this girl.

My main concern is that she is too reserved and she doesn’t like to do anything that involves people. I come from a big family unit and she’s always avoiding family get togethers, outings, even to meet my friends and socialise with them is a huge problem. We’ve gone out very few times, she’s met my mum and a few friends, but she avoids meeting them most time. I addressed it to her and she claims she has social anxiety but for how long can I continue like this? All she wants to do is be at home. My family are already starting to get the wrong impression of her and they believe she is proud. I know my older sister is not too fond of her because of her quiet nature and I think this will take a toll on us in the future if we get married. I don’t want a wife that cannot do basic things like go out with me to events or represent me well. I don’t want a wife that will be hiding in the house 24/7.

Another thing is that she has some stubborn traits in her. She’s a lovely woman, she’s very kind, compassionate and she motivates me a lot. When she’s around me alone she’s very cool, but when it comes to going out and doing things, she starts acting up. I cannot deal with her shy nature as it’s too much and it’s becoming embarrassing. She’s 24. What do I do please?

MissOffpoint:
I don't like anything public. Hopefully, my future husband will not have a big family like op's.

ginaolo:
I’m being patient but until you are in my shoes you won’t understand. You don’t know the feeling of going to a place where everybody is with their gf and wives and I have to go alone because she wants to stay at home. People are constantly asking you where your gf is, and you have to make excuses all the time. It’s not fair, it’s weighing me down.

ginaolo:
Bros she can’t even meet my family or friends, she will start misbehaving and panicking as if somebody wants to kill her. This is not normal na and I’ve tried to be patient with her, but her shyness is taking over her. I want someone who will represent me well and someone who will be a good mother to my kids.

destinyy23:
I get...but some people try and isn't working. I used to be that bad till I did some serious work on myself and the results have been quite impressive. I attend academic conferences now and present papers, I've improved that well. However, not everyone can help him/herself breakout of introversion, some need help!!

ginaolo:
I’m being patient but until you are in my shoes you won’t understand. You don’t know the feeling of going to a place where everybody is with their gf and wives and I have to go alone because she wants to stay at home. People are constantly asking you where your gf is, and you have to make excuses all the time. It’s not fair, it’s weighing me down.

Dande55:
Your fiancèe is exactly my type maybe, a little worse.

I don't even know how I'm gonna meet my husby family if I get married.

I dont like crowd, and i dont like meeting people.

You should try as much as possible to draw her closer to you and don't let what others say about her affect your marriage.

She's the kinda woman most men want to have as a wife.

ginaolo:
Hi

I’ve been with a lady for some time now but I’m starting to have doubts about this girl.

My main concern is that she is too reserved and she doesn’t like to do anything that involves people. I come from a big family unit and she’s always avoiding family get togethers, outings, even to meet my friends and socialise with them is a huge problem. We’ve gone out very few times, she’s met my mum and a few friends, but she avoids meeting them most time. I addressed it to her and she claims she has social anxiety but for how long can I continue like this? All she wants to do is be at home. My family are already starting to get the wrong impression of her and they believe she is proud. I know my older sister is not too fond of her because of her quiet nature and I think this will take a toll on us in the future if we get married. I don’t want a wife that cannot do basic things like go out with me to events or represent me well. I don’t want a wife that will be hiding in the house 24/7.

Another thing is that she has some stubborn traits in her. She’s a lovely woman, she’s very kind, compassionate and she motivates me a lot. When she’s around me alone she’s very cool, but when it comes to going out and doing things, she starts acting up. I cannot deal with her shy nature as it’s too much and it’s becoming embarrassing. She’s 24. What do I do please?

baby124:
By the way, I am not someone that goes to party everyday. In fact hubby is more social. But I don’t joke when it comes to family and mutual friends function. I show up, decked up and come out of my shell.

She can make the effort if she wants to, there are no extremes in life. If something is important to who you love as long as it does not compromise your health and safety, you will try to make them happy. Any extremist is a no-no in any situation. Run from extremists, they will destroy you.

How can someone be reluctant to meet your family and friends before marriage, is she mad? It’s even for her own good to see if she can belong to such a family or even marry you.

How will she feel if you refuse to meet her family members at all? If you act like her you won’t even meet them for introduction and you will never attend her family functions. Women can’t take that you know? Please and please flee from this woman. This one will not want to see anybody in your house. Trust me.

midnighter:
That's exactly what I've been saying all through the thread if you go back and read my posts. As you worked on it, you saw results, just as with any other personal problem

The babe can help herself and work on it, then the OP should also encourage her. Then thirdly he can help her and his family understand each other

Buy saying she should just stay like that is totally wrong... an adult woman especially in a crazy, survival of the fittest country like this can't just stay like that..look at all the guys here who even want to take advantage of it

ginaolo:
Bros she can’t even meet my family or friends, she will start misbehaving and panicking as if somebody wants to kill her. This is not normal na and I’ve tried to be patient with her, but her shyness is taking over her. I want someone who will represent me well and someone who will be a good mother to my kids.

ginaolo:
I met her randomly on the road it wasn’t in a social setting. But how do I deal with her not wanting to meet family and friends? It’s disrespectful to me. As a wife you have to be open to meet my family atleast, when they are always asking about her, I can’t keep on making excuses for her na. People think there’s something wrong with my gf even though I’ve told them she is the shy type.

tivta:
I disagree, you don't have to be an extrovert to make it, most introverted individuals are billionaires, scientists don't have time to socialize so do programmers like Bill gates, mark Zuckerberg etc. As long as she has a source of income she doesn't need to please society. Women like her are more than diamonds cause there doesn't have time for gossip.

ginaolo:
I’m being patient but until you are in my shoes you won’t understand. You don’t know the feeling of going to a place where everybody is with their gf and wives and I have to go alone because she wants to stay at home. People are constantly asking you where your gf is, and you have to make excuses all the time. It’s not fair, it’s weighing me down.

ginaolo:
I’m being patient but until you are in my shoes you won’t understand. You don’t know the feeling of going to a place where everybody is with their gf and wives and I have to go alone because she wants to stay at home. People are constantly asking you where your gf is, and you have to make excuses all the time. It’s not fair, it’s weighing me down.

baby124:
By the way, I am not someone that goes to party everyday. In fact hubby is more social. But I don’t joke when it comes to family and mutual friends function. I show up, decked up and come out of my shell.

She can make the effort if she wants to, there are no extremes in life. If something is important to who you love as long as it does not compromise your health and safety, you will try to make them happy. Any extremist is a no-no in any situation. Run from extremists, they will destroy you.

How can someone be reluctant to meet your family and friends before marriage, is she mad? It’s even for her own good to see if she can belong to such a family or even marry you.

How will she feel if you refuse to meet her family members at all? If you act like her you won’t even meet them for introduction and you will never attend her family functions. Women can’t take that you know? Please and please flee from this woman. This one will not want to see anybody in your house. Trust me.