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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? (24404 Views)
My Dad Shouldn't Receive My Bride Price / My Husband Paid N580K For My Bride Price But Refused To Help My Family Members. / Bride Price Collection Is Big Business In Some Parts Of Nigeria (Pics) (2) (3) (4)
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Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by BEN1986: 4:18pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
My sister, as an Edo man, I want to advise you. How much is the bride price? Less than 1k. The issue here is not the amount but the importance of it. In edo, even if u impregnate a lady back then in your SS 2, when the child grows up, she comes to do the needful as tradition demands. It is not about your father taking responsibility or not. Give what is Caesar to Caesar and to God, God. If your maternal uncle helped you as investment, I dont think you husband can even pay your yr1 school fees as ur bride price. So don't let him mislead you. Don't wake the spirits up. Does it mean because I have been the one taking care of my househelp, school fees, healthcare and all her needs. If she eventually wants to marry I then collect the bride price? NO. Whatever I do is for mankind. You can bring him to city with either of his siblings for the wedding, be responsible for their upkeep throughout their stay. If your maternal uncle wants appreciation for what he did, he can bring his demand to the table. Dont use your marriage as a tool to spark of the quarrel between your paternal and maternal family. Note, you are going to start your family, only God knows tomorrow. May God help you. 8 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by Nobody: 4:18pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
indigene:It's not about how much but the significance. 2 Likes |
Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by Kingininge(m): 4:25pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
Op, did your father pay your mother's bride price? If he did, he is 100% entitled to your bride price........give to tradition what belongs to tradition.... Any body can represent him at your wedding ceremony, it does not matter..... Truth hurts! 4 Likes |
Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by MPESA(m): 4:27pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
midnighter: You said it all , people are watching the whole drama , las las they will use it against her in the future. I pity her brothers that ran away from their own home... For how long will they run/distance themselves from there own home. 1 Like |
Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by Midas01: 4:28pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
You're very stupid for calling a good man selfish. You seem like you yourself are a deadbeat that is why you had no ill words for the actual loser of a father but chose to call her kind-hearted uncle names. Have you trained anyone through school before? Have you every borne someone's responsibilities, and that of their siblings as well? If you have not then shut up your mouth and go play in any nearby gutter. Do you think the uncle didn't have anything to spend money on before he chose to care for them like his own children? Nonsense!!! Let me tell you something OP, your uncle deserves your bride price. Tradition was made by patriarchal men. As long as it is not a sin then let your uncle take your bride price. sassysure: 6 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by Slimmy0: 4:29pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
Born2Breed: So true, you said it all. 3 Likes |
Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by Nobody: 4:32pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
AwkaetitiBabe:There are two types of marriage that is legally acceptable by God and Man, in one type bride price or dowry is totally insignificant |
Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by Born2Breed(f): 4:34pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
ddaammyy: My sister,E get where stubbornness dey reach. 1 Like |
Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by Slimmy0: 4:35pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
Gurumaharaji: That doesn't make it the right thing. Our tradition is our fathers or father's family collects bride price. 1 Like |
Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by midnighter(f): 4:36pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
Midas01: Excuse me, you are totally wrong. If the uncle could pay all that stuff then he should do it with a clean heart and not because he wants recognition or a paltry bride price sum. So are you trying to tell me that he paid all those school fees so that he will collect London Gin and 30 tubers of yam at the end of it? He is very irresponsible for advising a young lady who appreciates him so much and who would like to please him to embarrass herself in her husband's house so that he can score cheap points against his brother-in-law. Why did he just remember to be angry at his sisters treatment now that somebody wants to marry? Why didn't he get angry all this while That's emotional blackmail and its too bad. Your uncle who suffered so much to take care of you should want you to succeed in your husband's house and not to mess yourself up for his sake because of school fees. Is she going to keep owing him for school fees for the rest of her life? Is it on credit or what? If it's like that he should tell her to be refunding his money in monthly instalments and just leave her marriage out of it. 4 Likes |
Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by mechanics(m): 4:38pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
bujebudanu1:But her dad is not late but alive, her dad should collect her bride price since he was the one that gave birth to her. 1 Like |
Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by midnighter(f): 4:41pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
MPESA: As in, that stuff can be very embarrassing if not taken care of from the beginning. At least you package your family even though all is not well so that you will have a respect somewhere. Yes the brothers own is more complicated, especially where land is concerned. I'm not saying its easy, we know the father is bad but for your own sake you can try to manage something. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by FakeManna: 4:43pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
[s] BlackCrainte:[/s] trash |
Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by Slimmy0: 4:48pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
djon78: We stil have sane people on Nairaland, thank you for making reference to Joyce. We are instructed by God to hunor our parents. You dont have a choice and there is reward attached to it. 1 Like |
Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by QuintessentialW: 4:49pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
Deepthoughts: We've had that conversation severally. He's never had anything reasonable to say, in all honesty. His excuses have always been centred on claims that he went in search of greener pastures after he lost his job. See ehn... we can't even go into all that now. 1 Like |
Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by blaque7: 4:49pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
No..your ancestors ll be the ones receive it! |
Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by AUTOCRATIC(m): 4:49pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
Ask how is it done in your lineage |
Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by drtwist(m): 4:49pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
Redoil:Is the father from urhobo. Lazy youth |
Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by ghettochild(m): 4:50pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
sassysure: |
Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by DarlingEmojist(m): 4:50pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
Ègbámì .. See question? |
Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by shineeye1: 4:50pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
QuintessentialW: Your father's sense of entitlement is quite offensive. Your own feelings of resentment against him are justified. If indeed your father is guilty, also remember that it is very human to err in life but there is divinity in forgiveness. You have two options: Sentence your father as judged or Forgive him his offenses. While the former will satisfy your sentiments of vengeance, and likewise ensure an equally graceless sentence for your own certain trespasses in life, the later will deny you of the satisfaction of vengeance but win you uncommon grace at your own certain judgments in life. The choice is yours. But remember that , he is your dad today, not because he deserves it but because God allowed it to be. Any decision to rob him of what God , in His infinite unsearchable mercies, preserved for him may mean you playing a different God. You may rearrange the location of the marriage rites as suit you but allow your father be father that God allowed him to be. That he is alive today is not by his merit but the grace of God. You may displease men in executing this divine option but you will surely not displease heaven.. 4 Likes |
Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by Nobody: 4:50pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
indigene:You've lost me. Kindly elaborate pls 1 Like |
Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by musicwriter(m): 4:52pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
Nowenuse: There's nothing wrong with African traditions. Its white people that have convinced you so. Do you know Europeans also tried to convince the Chinese and Japanese that their traditions were backward? The Japanese even evolved a culture where suicide was part of tradition, but today they've outlived that, though, the impact is that they do have a high suicide rate today compared to other developed nations. But the Chinese and Japanese refused to give up their tradition!. There's nothing Europeans didn't try in Japan to give them a European language, education, religion but they refused. A Japanese king was so frustrated about European cultural infiltration and influence on his subject, so much that he ordered that every Japanese Christian should be killed. Thousands of them ran into a church and the king ordered the building to be burnt down. Today, they're reaping the benefits because they didn't adopt alien view of anything, except technology they liked. They did the right thing and that's why they developed. On the other hand, in Africa, we adopted alien views and practices, and today that's what is suffocating us to death. Today, you're a victim of this alien practices and you don't even know!. We suffer because we have digested poison and its killing us now. What am I trying to tell you? Its actually our adoption of alien reality and disregard for ours that have put us at the bottom of the chain, not the other way round. Why am I sure? Because all the countries that rejected alien traditions from Europeans developed. Note that when someone has provided you everything, he has also automatically disallowed you from doing humanly mundane tasks yourself. The end result is dependency, self incapacitation, self defeat, inferiority complex, which have caused you to distrust yourself. It is in your competition in nature, doing things yourself and in your own way that you actually learn and transform it better than others. The reason we suffer in Africa is because we have adopted an alien perception of reality. Thus, are unable to understand ourselves and the solution to our problems. I leave you with the below documentary about Europeans coming to Japan 15th century to 19th century. Any African that doesn't learn a thing a two from the below is a fool. History of the Japanese Empire https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5x0HAUxAT7Y 5 Likes |
Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by QuintessentialW: 4:52pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
Tundeiknow: Thanks so much. But this man is truthfully not remorseful. But for the sake of God, he'll have his bride price in a location other than the village. 1 Like |
Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by Nobody: 4:53pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
QuintessentialW:Just let it go dear. It's all bygone and you better now. Simply give to Ceasar what belongs to Ceasar. It won't be easy but let it go and hush those maternal peeps advicing you otherwise. They will eat out of ur celebration but not that bride price. 2 Likes |
Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by QuintessentialW: 4:54pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
amp01: I didn't change my surname. 1 Like |
Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by mark2sunny(m): 4:55pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
Nice of you to keep in touch with your dad even though he doesn't deserve it. That shows you are wise. The person who receives your bride price and who who will eventually walk you down the aisle isn't as important as the person you see as a father. Bride price is paid once in a lifetime. If I were you, I'll go on my knees and plead with my uncle to let your biological dad have his way. Make sure he understands that he's the only father and family you have, but you don't want your dad to see him and his people as enemy. A father's curse can ruin your life forever. Unfortunately, even if you don't believe it. Make your dad feel like you really love him until your marriage is concluded. Then say goodbye. 1 Like |
Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by Ajalekoko76(m): 4:56pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
QuintessentialW:Take to this advice and will profit U now and in future. Life is a mystery U can't understand it, LOVE is what U need to show and don't pay back in the coin Ur paternal family did. God knows how to reward Ur uncle and Ur maternal family leave dat to God. Ur attitudes towards Urfather and paternal family should be Godly else U block Ur blessings in life. Words of God supercede words of men 3 Likes |
Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by abbey621(m): 4:56pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
Parents be careful how you train your children, be weary of what bad things you tell you r sons or daughters about your partner. A true psychologists can discern a bit of fib from her story: Myself and my siblings were raised (from when I was about 8 years old) single handedly by my mum. Even all the 7 years that my father lived with us, my mum chiefly ran the home... she was the one who paid rent and school fees and ensured quality feeding. So you mean an 8 year old child knew who was paying rent, school fees? An 8 year old child knew who put money down for the well being of the family or was this what she was told after the man left? What OP fails to understand is that whether he did his duties or not, he's still your biological father and that is a God given role. Africa being a place where physical meets spiritual, I wouldn't be surprised if the man was suffering from serious depression mixed with gigantic spiritual battles. All in all, unless you truly forgive this man, you might not know peace. End the cycle now, do not let the sins of the father create the sins of the child. 3 Likes |
Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by shineeye1: 5:00pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
Redoil: Read properly - half literacy on display... |
Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by MPESA(m): 5:01pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
midnighter: They don't know what they getting themselves into, they are on the long thing if they follow that path no matter how harmless it's seems now it will SURELY BACK FIRE IN THE FUTURE. |
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