This is personal so please be courteous with your comments.

I have a married female cousin who takes church serious more than her life, well I don't wanna waste your time with that part of the story.

I have tried to help her husband and her financially for a long time now and I'm afraid I've turned from helper to head of household, not funny. I jokingly told them to hang their boots after they had their fourth child but as I'm typing this, baby five just landed.

Their first son just got admitted into Unilag and guess who they called to help. I've severally decided to stop helping but thoughts of those lovely kids of theirs have always affected my decisions.

I told the newly college admitted boy to open a bank account so that I can channel my help properly but her mum said he wasn't 18 yet so she would be the one running the account until then.

A little background story.

My cousin is a graduate but helps her husband in an imaginary business of his which I have put in like N10m if not more yet nothing to show for it. I later switched to helping my cousin get a job, she ended up getting duped of the money meant to pursue the job Nigerianly.

She was/is my favourite cousin growing up and she was more than a nanny to my sister and I when we were little.

How can I put an end to this madness without feeling guilty about the kids? Mind you, I love their kids very much.

I'll wait here for the elders

Oya

Daddytime

Pansophist

Franchasng

Midnighter

Can you pay the kids fees directly? Since she is your favourite cousin and you seem to have some means, you can also place her on a stipend.

Huh?

Continue you hear?

I go advise make you build them pen make Dem get space breed well well for you to train. Na body dey catch you...continue to dey aid and abet children proliferation dey form the supportive and favorite cousin.

Na who see who dey Bleep am dey get mouth complain say Toto dey pepper am.

Na wetin oyibo do Blackman by producing for them to forget to produce for themselves na him you put yourself so.

You better go arrange your own life because when the chips go fall down, na the same people go ask you wetin you use your #10m do and dem go still dey survive without you.

Na so my parents throwey 11 of us for ground wey make me carry my two leg enter road begin waka go Europe to go find way to support children wey den bring me and dem enter world.

Woo oo....shine ya eye o

zed7:
Can you pay the kids fees directly? Since she is your favourite cousin and you seem to have some means, you can also place her on a stipend.

I don't think I can or will have time to always pay the fees, I reside very far away from them right now.
I thought of stipend but the thought of them depending on it made me had a rethink because I know my cousin.

I did advise u set up a good business for her, from which she could be able to foot the family's bills and then u would have ur desired rest.



Check my siggy guys

Set her up with a little biz and see how far she goes with it, while setting her up make her believe that she will give u back the initial capital at a stipulated time, dat way she will not come begn again if she didn't meet up with the agreement.

J111333:
I don't think I can or will have time to always pay the fees, I reside very far away from them right now.
I thought of stipend but the thought of them depending on it made me had a rethink because I know my cousin.

Look for someone around in the same locality with them that you trust. Let that person handle the 'trust fund' and administer it appropriately.
If you want to help, you must find a way. Please help the kids since you have the means, kids should not have to suffer because their parents are irresponsible.

You must learn to say no and if you can't do that then at least you should be able to determine the terms on which the money is transferred but it would be better you learn to say no or else you will be paying until you stop breathing. How do you learn to say no? By practicing it. Next time they call and ask, be determined to say no or don't pick the call. If you pick the call, say you don't have money because (insert invented story). Make a list of excuses and be prepared. Later on you will take the next step of saying no without giving explanations. They will get used to it and leave you alone. They will either learn to be self-sufficient, more economical or find the next "victim" and leech onto him.

It is ok to help people but it goes too far when they make a habit of it. The first is support, the latter is exploitation. Good luck!

J111333:
This is personal so please be courteous with your comments.
I have a married female cousin who takes church serious more than her life, well I don't wanna waste your time with that part of the story.

I have tried to help her husband and her financially for a long time now and I'm afraid I've turned from helper to head of household, not funny. I jokingly told them to hang their boots after they had their fourth child but as I'm typing this, baby five just landed.

Their first son just got admitted into Unilag and guess who they called to help. I've severally decided to stop helping but thoughts of those lovely kids of theirs have always affected my decisions.

I told the newly college admitted boy to open a bank account so that I can channel my help properly but her mum said he wasn't 18 yet so she would be the one running the account until then.

A little background story.
My cousin is a graduate but helps her husband in an imaginary business of his which I have put in like N10m if not more yet nothing to show for it. I later switched to helping my cousin get a job, she ended up getting duped of the money meant to pursue the job Nigerianly.

She was/is my favourite cousin growing up and she was more than a nanny to my sister and I when we were little.

How can I put an end to this madness without feeling guilty about the kids? Mind you, I love their kids very much.

Cc: RoyalRoy
Lalasticlala

You made yourself their life ticket

You that is carrying another person family, what plans do you have for your self or probably you feel you are OK for life

You are just investing in a mud land because you will have nothing for your self

You don't need to tell them to stop having babies when you are their conduit pipe

Get married if you are not and start raising your family

If you are already married, start investing for the rainy day

If by any careless mistake you fall economic wise or business wise

No one will spend fortune to raise you up

I know that if you are married trust women, your wife won't allow you to be doing this

J111333:
I don't think I can or will have time to always pay the fees, I reside very far away from them right now.
I thought of stipend but the thought of them depending on it made me had a rethink because I know my cousin.

My own take. Never give people all they ask. If they want 10 million, give them 5 million

If they ask you for financial assistance for projects ask them for the project file that details out execution. And tell them you want to be involved in mentorship role. You can guide their path from slipping off the right path

God bless you

Keep being there for them so long as your income supercedes what goes out


I'm also personally responsible for a community and K ow what it's like being in your shoes.

Humans by nature are notoriously known to be exploiters, and it is not in the nature of people, and particularly, your cousin's interest to voluntarily stop fetching from the wellspring of finance that you have positioned yourself to be. You have to put a brute stop to it, you are in charge here, the giver, and it should be on your terms.

What if you drop dead today, or lose your source of income, does it makes it the end of their existence?

This hunger in Nigeria isnt reaching some ppl at all.
Five kids!!

frozen70:


You made yourself their life ticket

You that is carrying another person family, what plans do you have for your self or probably you feel you are OK for life

You are just investing in a mud land because you will have nothing for your self

You don't need to tell them to stop having babies when you are their conduit pipe

Get married if you are not and start raising your family

If you ate already married, start investing gor the rainy day

If by any careless mistake you fall economic wise or business wife

No one will spend fortune to raise you up

I know that if you are married trust women, you won't be doing this

If I don't have the extra to spare, trust me I won't be doing what I do but thanks for your advice.

J111333:

I have tried to help her husband and her financially for a long time now and I'm afraid I've turned from helper to head of household, not funny. I jokingly told them to hang their boots after they had their fourth child but as I'm typing this, baby five just landed.

Congrats. Your 5th child has been born. Get ready to train your child up to university level.

Their first son just got admitted into Unilag and guess who they called to help. I've severally decided to stop helping but thoughts of those lovely kids of theirs have always affected my decisions.

This kind of heart is partly why most of my life savings is gone. People are so exploitative and manipulative, are ready to milk you dry till you wither away, and are even ready to use the husk of your withered state as toothpick. If you want to carry the whole world on your shoulders, like Colossus, you better be very strong. Your cousin has developed this entitlement mentality because she has your mumu button. Who in God's name is still having up to 5 children in this Buhari era?? Even wealthy folks don't have that many, not to talk of people who are just managing to meet ends meet? If they didn't have Brother J to fall back on wouldn't they find a way to manage their affairs??

A little background story.
My cousin is a graduate but helps her husband in an imaginary business of his which I have put in like N10m if not more yet nothing to show for it. I later switched to helping my cousin get a job, she ended up getting duped of the money meant to pursue the job Nigerianly.

She was/is my favourite cousin growing up and she was more than a nanny to my sister and I when we were little.

How can I put an end to this madness without feeling guilty about the kids? Mind you, I love their kids very much.

Yes, you love their kids very much, but they are not orphans, the Good Lord be praised. You are stuck in a Sisyphean cycle of your own making and it will take strong mind and wisdom to break out. The first thing is stepping back and looking objectively at your cousin and her husband. If you drop dead today by virtue of your profession, won't they find a way to provide for their kids and be more careful with their choices? When you get money on a platter of ease you tend to be careless with it, which is why after an almost 10 million investment in their business there is no head or tail. If they had sweated and busted their balls to get the funds they will be more creative, careful and thoughtful in their business choices.

She even got duped of money meant to pursue the job?? How? What happened to due diligence??

Brother J to the rescue when they fvck up, as usual.

Their kids are not yours. Don't allow sentiments cloud good judgement and common sense. Since your main concern is the children, stop making yourself so available for taxation. Find a way to pay the fees of the first one (you're likely going to pay the fees of the remaining four at this rate) by keeping the academic calendar. It's not hard. The boy can get it or even Nairalanders can provide it if he can't. When the fees are due you fire it to his mum and leave at that.

Stop making yourself available. If you can't then stop complaining because you started it by becoming Father Christmas, but then again even Saint Nick comes once a year.

I have a friend who was doing quite well a few years back. Then due to a combination of a bad economy and bad decisions things started going bad for him. His wife wasn't working as her pregnacies were quite difficult. I paid their rent for about 3 years. I gave both husband and wife funds to try revive their businesses but they continued making the same bad decisions that helped them crash the first time. I adviced over and over and they would agree I was right and then go back and do the same thing I adviced against. I could see their children suffering from the effects of their bad decisions including one who almost died in the hospital. We had to raise funds for his very expensive treatment.

One day I called him. I told him if I had a friend with a drug addiction asking me for money to fund his habit, giving him that money would make me a bad friend. A very bad friend because I was paying for his death. I told him he had an adiction to his bad decisions and I was no longer going to help him fund it.

It's been 2 years now since. I haven't given my friend a dime except twice when we had to pay for his kid's drugs. He still continues with the same plan that wrecked him. His wife has still refused to work claiming she is still very busy. They are surviving somehow though the kids are not going to school.

It hurts when I see them but I can only pray for them.

It's tough love.

J111333:
If I don't have the extra to spare, trust me I won't be doing what I do but thanks for your advice.

Thanks too, Use that extra to insure your income by committing it to a revenue generating business

You will pull out gradually form their liability

What do you mean by imaginary business?

I didn't read most of your post, saw N10 million somewhere (probably imaginary).

J111333:
This is personal so please be courteous with your comments.
I have a married female cousin who takes church serious more than her life, well I don't wanna waste your time with that part of the story.

I have tried to help her husband and her financially for a long time now and I'm afraid I've turned from helper to head of household, not funny. I jokingly told them to hang their boots after they had their fourth child but as I'm typing this, baby five just landed.

Their first son just got admitted into Unilag and guess who they called to help. I've severally decided to stop helping but thoughts of those lovely kids of theirs have always affected my decisions.

I told the newly college admitted boy to open a bank account so that I can channel my help properly but her mum said he wasn't 18 yet so she would be the one running the account until then.

A little background story.
My cousin is a graduate but helps her husband in an imaginary business of his which I have put in like N10m if not more yet nothing to show for it. I later switched to helping my cousin get a job, she ended up getting duped of the money meant to pursue the job Nigerianly.

She was/is my favourite cousin growing up and she was more than a nanny to my sister and I when we were little.

How can I put an end to this madness without feeling guilty about the kids? Mind you, I love their kids very much.

Cc: RoyalRoy
Lalasticlala

get married. your wife will probably put a stop to all this and be the bad guy.

i experinecd all of the same with my dad.

he is from a family of six - seven siblings. the first born a girl was held back to take care of everyone else when they went to school. so while everyone else became a professional, she was uneducated. she has always been very bitter about this and my dad poured serious money into the businesses of her and her kids. nothing came out of it. they were living in my dads house in festac and they completely let the house go to shit. there were blocked toilets full of shit in the house. long and short, her eldest daughter got pregnant [again] for some other loser and that was the last straw for my dad.

most of us are hard wired and will not change. if you pour 100 million, they will still remain the same. as it is now, you are the sucker they are exploiting. cut it off.

ornicus:


get married. your wife will probably put a stop to all this and be the bad guy.

i.

ornicus:


get married. your wife will probably put a stop to all this and be the bad guy.

i experinecd all of the same with my dad.

he is from a family of six - seven siblings. the first born a girl was held back to take care of everyone else when they went to school. so while everyone else became a professional, she was uneducated. she has always been very bitter about this and my dad poured serious money into the businesses of her and her kids. nothing came out of it. they were living in my dads house in festac and they completely let the house go to shit. there were blocked toilets full of shit in the house. long and short, her eldest daughter got pregnant [again] for some other loser and that was the last straw for my dad.

most of u are hard wired and will not change. if you pour 100 million, they will still remain the same. as it is now, you are the sucker they are exploiting. cut it off.

Did she try to better herself? My own mum got her first degree when we the children were in secondary school, and she got her post graduate degree shortly after I got my own first degree. You aunt really has no excuse for wallowing in illiteracy. She also has no excuse for letting your dad's house get shot to shit_. That is how the one in my father's house in the village stayed in the house for donkey years without paying a dime for rent and expected my dad to pay for even the most basic repairs. When the roof started leaking sometime this year, they called my mega billionaire father to tell him to change the roof. All bills on him. My dad ignored them and stopped picking their calls. Last last they packed out sometime back and didn't even have the courtesy of informing Pops. This is a house they have been living in since the late 80s/early 90s.

If you don't harden your heart to the exploitation of human beings, you will keep being a sucker. Like someone stated up there, the OP has been funding and encouraging their poor choices and bad decisions.

Ishilove:

Did she try to better herself? My own mum got her first degree when we the children were in secondary school, and she got her post graduate degree shortly after I got my own first degree.

Recieve the girl power salute

Twale to your mum. I now see where you get your stubborness from

ornicus:


Recieve the girl power salute

Twale to your mum. I now see where you get your stubborness from

My stubbornness dey learn work where mumsie own dey

They seem financially irresponsible. It's baffling they keep having kids when they've no income but are relying on yours. You've to learn to say NO at some point, otherwise they'll keep coming to you for money/to provide for their needs, squandering it, coming to you, etc.

Well well well...you are an enabler hence the reason they refused to receive sense.


More grease to your elbow o. One day you would look back and calculate just how much of your years you've spent on other people's cause.

Kai see Gold way most people are praying for.

At time refrain yourself from them , don't be available often.

J111333:
This is personal so please be courteous with your comments.
I have a married female cousin who takes church serious more than her life, well I don't wanna waste your time with that part of the story.


Cc: RoyalRoy
Lalasticlala

Adopt the son till he completes his first degree. It seem you are worried that the money would be spent on something else. QED.

shadeyinka:

Adopt the son till he completes his first degree. It seem you are worried that the money would be spent on something else. QED.

I dont even get the gist of the story.

He mentioned church, then switched themes to the older son is in university and the parents are having baby 5. The wife is not working, then helping the husband with an imaginary business op gave her a non existent N10 million for, op helped her find a job, then she was swindled of the money (which money?) Op wants to sponsor the kid in university but doesnt want the parent involved, etc etc.

Better start prioritising your own investments and stop financing somebody else's stupidity. Call them and tell them you're not paying anything except school fees. Set up a direct debit to the school and make a good contact there

If the tables turn and you can no longer keep up those kids will still grow up to curse that their stupid uncle ...hope you know that?

Since she takes the church more seriously than her life let the church sink more money into the fantastical business.

By the way, the Bible has a lot to say about wise spending. Or she didn't see that side or what

Bunch of selfish pseudo-religious leeches. She took care of you as a child and now you must take care of her as an adult right? Somebody with a husband for that matter.

10 million! 10 million.

While I'd advise you to say no when you can, those kids though, they did nothing to deserve the wrong decisions made by their parents.

If you really want to and if you can help, help the children and help them directly. Your cousin and her husband are lost however, but make sure the kids don't pick up on their dirty habits.

Please think carefully.

I was in this your mess for 9 years. Every Family member called me for school fees and feeding money.

My wife could not understand why i have chosen to bear the burden of everyone.

I couldn't do major investments i needed to do. Sometimes delayed paying salaries of my staff.

2015. i went home and visited all my uncles, told them to choose a business they can do and i will settle them with it. on the condition that they do not call me for money again. My wife suggested that. Made sure their wives were in agreement with what their husbands have agreed. in fact, my eldest uncle said the wife will run the business.

They were excited about it but never knew i will get them to sign that i won't be contacted for money after i settle them. Got one of my cousins to run the project. i never gave the money to any of them because they will tell me stories that touch.

When the shops were paid for and well stocked, i went back and called a meeting. they all got to know that their requests have been granted.

what i wanted to achieve was desire to succeed among them. Again, didn't want anyone to think i was giving money to A and not to B.

Setting up those businesses for them cost me millions but was a life saver for me.

Nobody disturbs me for money anymore. My own business is free from unnecessary stress.

I wanted them to know that making money is not easy. The lesson is well served.

I only remember their kids in Christmas.

if you like born 100 kids. not my business anymore. If the business fails. Their kids will descend on them.

Bro, free yourself. you will wake up at 50 to discover your retirement is close and nothing to enjoy in your old age.

five kids!!!!