Maybe you should stop helping her directly...


Get the school account and stop paying them directly.

For your sister, you can put her on a monthly payroll if you can.

Don't let her drain you financially.

Some family are just smh

When anyone brought his or her attention or distraction into your home, only to come and see you are bussy fixing your home, I believe he needs, excuse you, and go back, for yours is for no one than you.

J111333:
This is personal so please be courteous with your comments.

I have a married female cousin who takes church serious more than her life, well I don't wanna waste your time with that part of the story.

I have tried to help her husband and her financially for a long time now and I'm afraid I've turned from helper to head of household, not funny. I jokingly told them to hang their boots after they had their fourth child but as I'm typing this, baby five just landed.

Their first son just got admitted into Unilag and guess who they called to help. I've severally decided to stop helping but thoughts of those lovely kids of theirs have always affected my decisions.

I told the newly college admitted boy to open a bank account so that I can channel my help properly but her mum said he wasn't 18 yet so she would be the one running the account until then.

A little background story.

My cousin is a graduate but helps her husband in an imaginary business of his which I have put in like N10m if not more yet nothing to show for it. I later switched to helping my cousin get a job, she ended up getting duped of the money meant to pursue the job Nigerianly.

She was/is my favourite cousin growing up and she was more than a nanny to my sister and I when we were little.

How can I put an end to this madness without feeling guilty about the kids? Mind you, I love their kids very much.

Stop forcing yourself to stop. It is actually a wonderful thing you are doing and you have no idea the rewards you'll gain. If its not stressful for you then continue helping them. but if it is then only do what you can.

the day you learn to say NO without feeling awkward is the day you bevome a man

You are doing something beautiful, just continue.
The feeling of making those kids happy is reward enough. it is obvious you are not struggling...

My bro, you have to think twice, no mata the amount you spend on those kids they are never going to be yours, time has thought me that people you help today end up asking you what you did for them, those kids will only remember the day you said no to their request, you are already offending them as it seems because you should have lay down your for them by now.... they will end up loving and caring for this their lazy parents in future. Better think of how you will raise your own family, render help when its convenient, you do not own your cousine yoyr life....look yoy are only encouraging their parents to do nothing, go a d set up your own family, so you can have a way of escape. Look if you have already done that let them lack some finance, they will remember to do something and not yo waste money, they only keep coming to you because they know you do not know how to say no....people are wicked, don't be surprised that these people have money hidden somewhere but are just too greedy to let you be, they do not see how its normal for them to go a day ylwithout spending your hard earned money, my bro be wise a d take actions...

You see some Nigerian

Once you help them once, they tend to think your a governor

J111333:
This is personal so please be courteous with your comments.

I have a married female cousin who takes church serious more than her life, well I don't wanna waste your time with that part of the story.

I have tried to help her husband and her financially for a long time now and I'm afraid I've turned from helper to head of household, not funny. I jokingly told them to hang their boots after they had their fourth child but as I'm typing this, baby five just landed.

Their first son just got admitted into Unilag and guess who they called to help. I've severally decided to stop helping but thoughts of those lovely kids of theirs have always affected my decisions.

I told the newly college admitted boy to open a bank account so that I can channel my help properly but her mum said he wasn't 18 yet so she would be the one running the account until then.

A little background story.

My cousin is a graduate but helps her husband in an imaginary business of his which I have put in like N10m if not more yet nothing to show for it. I later switched to helping my cousin get a job, she ended up getting duped of the money meant to pursue the job Nigerianly.

She was/is my favourite cousin growing up and she was more than a nanny to my sister and I when we were little.

How can I put an end to this madness without feeling guilty about the kids? Mind you, I love their kids very much.

my advise is that for the fact that your pucker has never dried from helping them please try and let them know that they have to fend for themselves you can continue helping the kids in your on way but do not stop because The God that Bless you and you help them will not stop blessing you.

Get a good micro finance bank or an insurance company and draft whatever you have for the kids.. they will be in charge of the payments without hassle... you can thank me later

As for your sis.. i would suggest you set up something small but then I remember they sank 10m without evidence.. just give her whatever your heart directs you to.

I don't know what to say maybe the person below me have something to say because I didn't read the post just say dupe and 10 million

0taPiaPia:
G

masun

Modify:the person below abeg say something meaningful because it's not good to interfere in family issue

Brother, there’s no better way to stop than to stop.
Since you call it madness, it means you’re not doing it from your heart.
So decide that today, you will stop and stop ✋.

Good luck

......Will Igbo presidency end agitation for secession?

just try your best and God would reward you.

zed7:

Look for someone around in the same locality with them that you trust. Let that person handle the 'trust fund' and administer it appropriately.
If you want to help, you must find a way. Please help the kids since you have the means, kids should not have to suffer because their parents are irresponsible.

But we go ahead encouraging marriage and child bearing as the Hallmark for living a better life

NonFarmPayrol:
You see some Nigerian

Once you help them once, they tend to think your a governor

First you need to advise them on Family planning, secondly you need to seat both of them down and have a candid discussion on what they intend doing to make money,since you already put 10millions Naira and nothing to show for it,then you need to start teaching them how to pray and seek God' s advice before committing any huge resource into their hand as well as teach them how to fish.Well for the kids you have to keep supporting them o,you don't want to offend their angels.

Mindfulness:
You must learn to say no and if you can't do that then at least you should be able to determine the terms on which the money is transferred but it would be better you learn to say no or else you will be paying until you stop breathing. How do you learn to say no? By practicing it. Next time they call and ask, be determined to say no or don't pick the call. If you pick the call, say you don't have money because (insert invented story). Make a list of excuses and be prepared. Later on you will take the next step of saying no without giving explanations. They will get used to it and leave you alone. They will either learn to be self-sufficient, more economical or find the next "victim" and leech onto him.

It is ok to help people but it goes too far when they make a habit of it. The first is support, the latter is exploitation. Good luck!

hope you read the part where he said this particular sister was more than a nanny to him and his sister when growing up? she's not just a family friend, no matter what never go against your blood, every family has a breed winner that is ment to take care of the entire family at large when u are in that position and fail to do that, that position gradually moves to another person with all the Blessings that follows it

N10 million is about $28000 btw.

Let me ask your cousin. She is the only one that can answer that question

Stop helping until the boy in university turns 18.

Why do you want to stop helping her in the first place? Are we suppose to stop helping those we care about @ J111333 ?. Don't you know we have only two mission here on earth, 1. To serve God and 2. To help humanity.

My brother. Every opportunity u have to help someone just do. It's a privilege to help and u will never lack. God bless u

nlPoster:


N10 million is about $28000 btw.

that's chicken change

notoriousbabe:
that's chicken change

In what way?

Really going to be hard. I understand ypur dilemma as I have an aunty exactly like this. She married an efulefu for love. Her kids are really smart kids and anytime I see them, my heart bleeds. I finally had to take up responsibilty for the first child. She just got admission and has sent me her bill, with prayers join. Wetin man pikin go do?

If not for those kids, e for hard o. Just keep doing the little you can for the children. I pay directly to the school. Never given my aunty the cash, because I know she will give it to her husband.

J111333:
This is personal so please be courteous with your comments.

I have a married female cousin who takes church serious more than her life, well I don't wanna waste your time with that part of the story.

I have tried to help her husband and her financially for a long time now and I'm afraid I've turned from helper to head of household, not funny. I jokingly told them to hang their boots after they had their fourth child but as I'm typing this, baby five just landed.

Their first son just got admitted into Unilag and guess who they called to help. I've severally decided to stop helping but thoughts of those lovely kids of theirs have always affected my decisions.

I told the newly college admitted boy to open a bank account so that I can channel my help properly but her mum said he wasn't 18 yet so she would be the one running the account until then.

A little background story.

My cousin is a graduate but helps her husband in an imaginary business of his which I have put in like N10m if not more yet nothing to show for it. I later switched to helping my cousin get a job, she ended up getting duped of the money meant to pursue the job Nigerianly.

She was/is my favourite cousin growing up and she was more than a nanny to my sister and I when we were little.

How can I put an end to this madness without feeling guilty about the kids? Mind you, I love their kids very much.

Simple! U must teach them how to fish!!! Get/setup a business for them and monitor it also personally or via proxy. Start by suggesting 3 businesses options/ideas they can do well by themselves and they can also suggest their. Now after deliberating over am days u can all agree on one or two and then start the planning of which u will notify them is to make them independent and self sufficient. I hope they will agree because it seems they are now very comfortable with ur regular handouts than really working for themselves.

U have to let them know Ure serious about this and that is the only way to truely help them. Ur support can now be once in awhile.

notoriousbabe:
that's chicken change

Sharrap

You sound like you are abroad...and I can tell you that is why they continue to bill you with the feeling you doing very well abroad so they don't need to be serious with their own lives.

You need to take the bull by the horn, set them up with a business that worth N3m - N5m and made it known to them they should not expect anything from you in the next 3 years. When you make yourself clear, they will seat up.

Oke lowo afuni gbe

Prioritize her kids tuition (school fees).. let that be your only focus.

Forget setting up business for them..it’ll end in their belly.

Establish a business. Employ people and pay them from the proceeds of the business monthly, since they have decided to be useless for the entire humanity

Eyanbook:
just try your best and God would reward you.

Na dem