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How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? - Family (3) - Nairaland

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Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by 7pages(m): 12:48pm On Nov 26, 2019
how I wish I have people like you in the family, things would have long turn around for good for me


you've established the husband with millions, tried sorting jobs for the wife but ended up with nothing. despite their conditions they keep birthing kids like rabbit


my dear brother the day you cease to help that family is the day they will think straight. if this had happened in the movie, they might have accused you of using their destiny perhaps that's why they're not serious and yet still getting assistant from you


can you change means of communication for 6 months just for them to think straight. this is weird to me

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by NonFarmPayrol: 12:48pm On Nov 26, 2019
nlPoster:




Once you give money

Next time they keep coming g back

Next they ask for a huge loan. Which they wont pay

2 Likes

Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by RxSameer(m): 12:48pm On Nov 26, 2019
OP the best advise is to ask ur sister wat type of business she would like to go into maybe eatery,supermarket or any venture after she tells you don't give her the money directly You shud set up the business for her maybe using a middleman that is the best u shud do remember, don't give her fish teach her how to fish for her son in the university if its possible take up his education fees and skul feeding that way u will see that ur lovely cousin will not disturb or pester you for money again and as for that lazy husband who dosent av self control I don't av anytin to say to him..
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by Jaynom(m): 12:48pm On Nov 26, 2019
J111333:
This is personal so please be courteous with your comments.

I have a married female cousin who takes church serious more than her life, well I don't wanna waste your time with that part of the story.

I have tried to help her husband and her financially for a long time now and I'm afraid I've turned from helper to head of household, not funny. I jokingly told them to hang their boots after they had their fourth child but as I'm typing this, baby five just landed.

Their first son just got admitted into Unilag and guess who they called to help. I've severally decided to stop helping but thoughts of those lovely kids of theirs have always affected my decisions.

I told the newly college admitted boy to open a bank account so that I can channel my help properly but her mum said he wasn't 18 yet so she would be the one running the account until then.

A little background story.

My cousin is a graduate but helps her husband in an imaginary business of his which I have put in like N10m if not more yet nothing to show for it. I later switched to helping my cousin get a job, she ended up getting duped of the money meant to pursue the job Nigerianly.

She was/is my favourite cousin growing up and she was more than a nanny to my sister and I when we were little.

How can I put an end to this madness without feeling guilty about the kids? Mind you, I love their kids very much.
1. They've opened office on your head
2. Some how she feels entitled
3. & she is emotionally manipulating you. She's using her kids to guilt trip you!
4. Sit your cousin down and tell her u have needs too and she should understand. Bro you've done enough already. It is Only an ungrateful soul that will fail to see this.
5. Focus on the Unilag kid. When he turns 18 open a bank account for him ASAP. If u can, help him learn a profitable skill. Empower him, uplift him. Make him a revenue generating individual.

4 Likes

Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by notoriousbabe: 12:49pm On Nov 26, 2019
nlPoster:


In what way?
in every way
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by notoriousbabe: 12:49pm On Nov 26, 2019
Iwanttoto1:


Sharrap
that's chicken change
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by lighternote: 12:49pm On Nov 26, 2019
Op, it seems you are not married, that's why you're wasting your resources.
As long as you're single and a willing ATM, your favorite cousin will continue to breed like rat until menopause.
Now, run and get married and conserve your resources for your family.
You're the type that will marry now, and they will start calling your wife a witch for not allowing them to milk you dry.

If you're already married, kindly invest your resources for your future.
And back to your question, there's NO OTHER WAY OF STOPPING THEM OTHER THAN WITHDRAWING THE FISH YOU'VE BEEN FEEDING THEIR LAZY MOUTH.
IF YOU MUST HELP, LET THEIR UNDERGRAD SON OPEN AN ACC, SO YOU HELP HIM DIRECTLY.

5 Likes

Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by nlPoster: 12:50pm On Nov 26, 2019
notoriousbabe:
in every way

Not true.
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by clive2u(m): 12:50pm On Nov 26, 2019
help the unilag child If u can and tell her to try n take care of the rest. I find it kinda annoying seeing people with no good job having kids here and there, before u know it the husband go run leave am

1 Like

Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by notoriousbabe: 12:52pm On Nov 26, 2019
nlPoster:


Not true.
ok send me the money and I will prove it to you
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by Nobody: 12:52pm On Nov 26, 2019
sisisioge:
Well well well...you are an enabler hence the reason they refused to receive sense.


More grease to your elbow o. One day you would look back and calculate just how much of your years you've spent on other people's cause.

And he will take the frustration out on his innocent wife.

We know how it always end grin
Have seen it on display many times cheesy

1 Like 1 Share

Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by realestniggah: 12:53pm On Nov 26, 2019
mii4u:
Set her up with a little but and see how far and she goes with it, while setting her up make her believe that she will give u back the initial capital at a stipulated time, date way she will not come begn again if she didn't meet up with the agreement.

Don't set her up.. Don't listen to this advise.. If you do you shall continue the cycle of aiding and abetting your cousin, my advise go to that child, that in the university, have a sit down explain thing to him and let him know you shall pay the school fee directly into the school account and if he need anything in future he should contact you directly. Stop depositing money into your cousin account.

7 Likes 1 Share

Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by GeneralShepherd(m): 12:53pm On Nov 26, 2019
J111333:
This is personal so please be courteous with your comments.

I have a married female cousin who takes church serious more than her life, well I don't wanna waste your time with that part of the story.

I have tried to help her husband and her financially for a long time now and I'm afraid I've turned from helper to head of household, not funny. I jokingly told them to hang their boots after they had their fourth child but as I'm typing this, baby five just landed.

Their first son just got admitted into Unilag and guess who they called to help. I've severally decided to stop helping but thoughts of those lovely kids of theirs have always affected my decisions.

I told the newly college admitted boy to open a bank account so that I can channel my help properly but her mum said he wasn't 18 yet so she would be the one running the account until then.

A little background story.

My cousin is a graduate but helps her husband in an imaginary business of his which I have put in like N10m if not more yet nothing to show for it. I later switched to helping my cousin get a job, she ended up getting duped of the money meant to pursue the job Nigerianly.

She was/is my favourite cousin growing up and she was more than a nanny to my sister and I when we were little.

How can I put an end to this madness without feeling guilty about the kids? Mind you, I love their kids very much.

Isaiah 58 vs 7

Share your food with the hungry, and give shelter to the homeless. Give clothes to those who need them, and do not hide from relatives who need your help.

1 Like

Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by Nobody: 12:53pm On Nov 26, 2019
Good bro.... This is my suggestion.... Set aside like 5m. Fixed this 5m into ur acct and chaneg the interest for helping matter . As u said u put like 10m for their bix matter n no fruit....
Thanks. Good job bro

1 Like

Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by nlPoster: 12:53pm On Nov 26, 2019
notoriousbabe:
ok send me the money and I will prove it to you

You mean op
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by Eyanbook: 12:55pm On Nov 26, 2019
midnighter:


Na dem
do what
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by Pidginwhisper: 12:56pm On Nov 26, 2019
shocked
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by ctleurocollege: 12:57pm On Nov 26, 2019
My advice is this start investing for yourself and future kids. Afterwards, adopt one of her kids and cater for his welfare let them bear the responsibility of handling the other four.
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by Biglittlelois(f): 12:58pm On Nov 26, 2019
foolbuster:


Stop forcing yourself to stop. It is actually a wonderful thing you are doing and you have no idea the rewards you'll gain. If its not stressful for you then continue helping them. but if it is then only do what you can.


Wow, a leech typing from experience.

5 Likes

Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by notoriousbabe: 12:58pm On Nov 26, 2019
nlPoster:


You mean op
I mean you
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by Iwanttoto1: 12:59pm On Nov 26, 2019
notoriousbabe:
that's chicken change

1 Like

Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by PeacefulT0ut(m): 12:59pm On Nov 26, 2019
Wow, this is huge. I suggest you cut things off directly to them. Since you really love the kids, sit the eldest down and explain things on your mind to him, at least a fresher isn't a kid anymore and then you do only what you can do, quit being their exclusive. You have your own life to live.






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Download the max okada app from the playstore and register using OSINUBI1 as referral code.
You get one free ride worth up to #1000 to take you to anyway.
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Kindly download the app now ( it's just 5mb from the playstore) and register using OSINUBI1 as referral code.
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by pocohantas(f): 12:59pm On Nov 26, 2019
You are very correct Ishi, but sometimes you look at those innocent kids and you can't ignore. I wish we have social services here. Bringing innocent kids into the world to suffer is a crime or should be a crime.

Make person no do the generousity wey go land you for wahala. I am getting tougher sha.


Ishilove:

Congrats. Your 5th child has been born. Get ready to train your child up to university level.


This kind of heart is partly why most of my life savings is gone. People are so exploitative and manipulative, are ready to milk you dry till you wither away, and are even ready to use the husk of your withered state as toothpick. When you carry the whole world on your shoulders, like Colossus, you better be very strong. Your cousin has developed this entitlement mentality because she has your mumu button. Who in God's name is still having up to 5 children in this Buhari era?? Even wealthy folks don't have that many, not to talk of people who are just managing to meet ends meet? If they didn't have Brother J to fall back on wouldn't they find a way to manage their affairs??


Yes, you love their kids very much, but they are not orphans, the Good Lord be praised. You are stuck in a Sisyphean cycle of your own making and it will take strong mind and wisdom to break out. The first thing is stepping back and looking objectively at your cousin and her husband. If you drop dead today by virtue of your profession, won't they find a way to provide for their kids and be more careful with their choices? When you get money on a platter of ease you tend to be careless with it, which is why after an almost 10 million investment in their business there is no head or tail. If they had sweated and busted their balls to get the funds they will be more creative, careful and thoughtful in their business choices.

She even got duped of money meant to pursue the job?? How? What happened to due diligence??

Brother J to the rescue when they fvck up, as usual.

Their kids are not yours. Don't allow sentiments cloud good judgement and common sense. Since your main concern is the children, stop making yourself so available for taxation. Find a way to pay the fees of the first one (you're likely going to pay the fees of the remaining four at this rate) by keeping the academic calendar. It's not hard. The boy can get it or even Nairalanders can provide it if he can't. When the fees are due you fire it to his mum and leave at that.

Stop making yourself available. If you can't then stop complaining because you started it by becoming Father Christmas, but then again even Saint Nick comes once a year.

2 Likes

Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by IFELEKE(m): 1:00pm On Nov 26, 2019
J111333:
This is personal so please be courteous with your comments.

I have a married female cousin who takes church serious more than her life, well I don't wanna waste your time with that part of the story.

I have tried to help her husband and her financially for a long time now and I'm afraid I've turned from helper to head of household, not funny. I jokingly told them to hang their boots after they had their fourth child but as I'm typing this, baby five just landed.

Their first son just got admitted into Unilag and guess who they called to help. I've severally decided to stop helping but thoughts of those lovely kids of theirs have always affected my decisions.

I told the newly college admitted boy to open a bank account so that I can channel my help properly but her mum said he wasn't 18 yet so she would be the one running the account until then.

A little background story.

My cousin is a graduate but helps her husband in an imaginary business of his which I have put in like N10m if not more yet nothing to show for it. I later switched to helping my cousin get a job, she ended up getting duped of the money meant to pursue the job Nigerianly.

She was/is my favourite cousin growing up and she was more than a nanny to my sister and I when we were little.

How can I put an end to this madness without feeling guilty about the kids? Mind you, I love their kids very much.
Have you at any point in time discussed these reservations with your cousin and the husband? If no, then you need to make her understand the implications of churning babies without plan and recourse to economic realities. You may also talk about the health implications. Try involve other family members to drive home your point.
As for your financial commitments to them, it's not advisable to stop, try cut your sister and the husband off while directly focusing on the children. It may not be easy but you need to show some tough love.
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by donttouchme: 1:01pm On Nov 26, 2019
[quote][/quote] this romance will not end well. Its better u stop
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by dominique(f): 1:02pm On Nov 26, 2019
I still can't phathom why people without stable means of income keep bringing in children into the world, not fair on the kids at all

9 Likes 2 Shares

Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by notoriousbabe: 1:02pm On Nov 26, 2019
[quote author=Iwanttoto1 post=84380486][/quote]that's chicken change
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by Sankabson(m): 1:03pm On Nov 26, 2019
I heard 10M! And i was dumbfolded..Like....

If I have someone like in my life, I would have achieved much more in life.

Yoruba ni, Eni to lori ko fila, Eni to de ni fila ko Lori.

God Bless You and direct You to the right way on this issue. You're one in a million!!

2 Likes

Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by Nobody: 1:03pm On Nov 26, 2019
J111333:
I don't think I can or will have time to always pay the fees, I reside very far away from them right now.
I thought of stipend but the thought of them depending on it made me had a rethink because I know my cousin.

if you can afford it, buy a small car for the man let him be running taxi with it. open a shop for your cousin, let her sell stuff. Tell them that's all you got. You can keep an eye out for their kids. I mean monitor their progress academically.

At some point, the man and the woman ought to bear the responsibility of their fecundity.

6 Likes

Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by khatea: 1:05pm On Nov 26, 2019
Op sorry u r indirectly playing a husband role to ur cousin while her husband is ur first child den oda kids follow... Pls, can u epp me send ur cousin for BTL cos she myt come back to tell u family planning failed her? Person wey chop belleful sef never born 3kids #lips sealed# For d love of d kids especially d senior child who just got admitted into university, u can ask to speak wt his HOD to arrange wt him/her how u will be paying d fee n sending him pocket money. Biko, don't let him open any account even when he's 18yrs o to avoid mumsi borrowed my fee n promised to return it soon o
Na man u be sha OP, u put money for basket so tey e reach 10M, when e reach 5M, Ur eye no open ni? God bless n replenish u for having a good heart

5 Likes

Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by Sparkle777(f): 1:05pm On Nov 26, 2019
Funny thing is that u will also take care of ur cousins grand kids too. The circle never ends, ur cuz and her husband are the type to kill ur wife one day because she's bound to stop that BS. U are an enabler and ultimately destroying them.
I'll say, just stop. Stop giving them even kobo, just leave them for a year,at least a year will open ur eyes in case she has u jazzed. Hope u are saving and having investments, abi u tink I will forever be wealthier?

7 Likes 2 Shares

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