₦airaland Forum

Harlequeen:
well spoken, but i have tried potential and didn't like it. All men have potential,but can they make it kinetic energy and yield results?

You sound fatigued.. And seem helpless/hopeless/broken already...

Harlequeen:
you didn't reqd the part where inside i get turned off when men asked for my picture

I read. So how do we go abt it...date?

Toks2008:
People claiming feminism online are the most vulnerable offline. Take it to the bank.

Hahaha Boss, you no go kill me this night


Anyways I'll be on the lookout for tmyour writings. Rest assured I'll be ready to call out all nods to push them to the front page once we start receiving them Sir

read through and my opinion which aint urz is what do u want? sex.. committment.. ambition..? career man ,hustling man ,or always on the move man? from ur writeup u seems selective but what re u selecting,? atitude and charisma aint a thing for the uptown(talkin abt goin to the islands in search) trust 75% ppl there came from the mainland,b4 i go further did lik u ansa d few question,then we can elaborate more on d issue,rome aint built in day..

healthserve:
Hahaha Boss, you no go kill me this night


Anyways I'll be on the lookout for tmyour writings. Rest assured I'll be ready to call out all nods to push them to the front page once we start receiving them Sir

This is one very insightful one.

Maybe if this has graced front page, the OP of this thread would have realized that her priority is misplaced.

https://www.nairaland.com/5492915/present-day-woman-misplaced-priority-marriage

I hope one day, lalasticlala will find it good enough for front page.

There are definitely more important things in life than finding a man that matches your desire...

Toks2008:
This is one very insightful one.

Maybe if this has graced front page, the OP of this thread would have realized that her priority is misplaced.

https://www.nairaland.com/5492915/present-day-woman-misplaced-priority-marriage

I hope one day, lalasticlala will find it good enough for front page.

There are definitely more important things in life than finding a man that matches your desire...

Will check


Lol @ Many important things than searching a man that fits one's desire

Harlequeen:
why do you say that last sentence of yours?

How many female billionaires do we hv in the world ?? 90% of female billionaires got their wealth thru family wealth which was created by the father ( man) ... Most women dint know how to manage or grow a business ... Theresa may was given an opportunity as pm but she cudnt manage that position.. next thing is that we blame men for our failing in life not minding the fact that there are more women than men I the world ... Women are groomed to believe that they are entitled to every good thing but will challenge the hard things of life ... Feminists have never talked about the number of women accepted in the army but will challenge payments in sports even tho male sports is more accepted and viewed than female sports ... But also forget that Serena earns more that alot of male tennis players ... The world is designed in such a way that money can only b made thru crowd acceptance ... Men can easily pay a woman to hv a child for him but how many women can do same ?? Men gain employment due to their true credentials but women gain more employment because if credentials dont work , bottom power will work ... Men dont feel as entitled as women ... Men are pressured to mk money first b4 being accepted in the society most times compared to women and that's y they hustle harder than us cos they know that's the only way to mk money for them... Men get intimidated when they see a wealthy woman , they hardly approach wealthy women for marriage ask Linda and Genevieve ... Imagine if they were men , they would hv married a long time ago with loads of women not minding to b second , third or fourth wife ... The truth is that men rhle the world and we should accept it , what we should b fighting for is for them not to take us forgranted ... Can u compare the number of men that hv made people wealthy compared to the number of people women have made wealthy ... Even if men should pass the mantle to us women, we will make a mess of it

Beverlyjean:
How many female billionaires do we hv in the world ?? 90% of female billionaires got their wealth thru family wealth which was created by the father ( man) ... Most women dint know how to manage or grow a business ... Theresa may was given an opportunity as pm but she cudnt manage that position.. next thing is that we blame men for our failing in life not minding the fact that there are more women than men I the world ... Women are groomed to believe that they are entitled to every good thing but will challenge the hard things of life ... Feminists have never talked about the number of women accepted in the army but will challenge payments in sports even tho male sports is more accepted and viewed than female sports ... But also forget that Serena earns more that alot of male tennis players ... The world is designed in such a way that money can only b made thru crowd acceptance ... Men can easily pay a woman to hv a child for him but how many women can do same ?? Men gain employment due to their true credentials but women gain more employment because if credentials dont work , bottom power will work ... Men dont feel as entitled as women ... Men are pressured to mk money first b4 being accepted in the society most times compared to women and that's y they hustle harder than us cos they know that's the only way to mk money for them... Men get intimidated when they see a wealthy woman , they hardly approach wealthy women for marriage ask Linda and Genevieve ... Imagine if they were men , they would hv married a long time ago with loads of women not minding to b second , third or fourth wife ... The truth is that men rhle the world and we should accept it , what we should b fighting for is for them not to take us forgranted ... Can u compare the number of men that hv made people wealthy compared to the number of people women have made wealthy ... Even if men should pass the mantle to us women, we will make a mess of it

Your words are packing heavy points my sister. Your husband is lucky to have such a wise woman..

You spoke plenty wise things and you're educating many young ladies coming behind which I endorse


I love your cogent points


1. Acceptance is what determines payment in sports and male-female remunerations is flawed logic given acceptance determines the finance organizations make and by so can make payment



2. The number of persons that are assisted financially by men unlike women. So true


3. The inability to manage wealth/success but the ability to support successful systems. Many people don't know this secret, what blew Linda Ikeji wasn't just blogging but in her growing days she had an army of street/male programmers and workers working behind the. Scenes housed working roudh the clock on their brand/projects



4. Men paying women to carry their kids. I'm planning on this personally, so na true. The inability of women to pay men money to be their husbands

Harlequeen:
lol, i am not. Although she is also a doctor

you don't know how to lie

Harlequeen:
lol, i am not. Although she is also a doctor

you don't know how to lie

Beverlyjean:
How many female billionaires do we hv in the world ?? 90% of female billionaires got their wealth thru family wealth which was created by the father ( man) ... Most women dint know how to manage or grow a business ... Theresa may was given an opportunity as pm but she cudnt manage that position.. next thing is that we blame men for our failing in life not minding the fact that there are more women than men I the world ... Women are groomed to believe that they are entitled to every good thing but will challenge the hard things of life ... Feminists have never talked about the number of women accepted in the army but will challenge payments in sports even tho male sports is more accepted and viewed than female sports ... But also forget that Serena earns more that alot of male tennis players ... The world is designed in such a way that money can only b made thru crowd acceptance ... Men can easily pay a woman to hv a child for him but how many women can do same ?? Men gain employment due to their true credentials but women gain more employment because if credentials dont work , bottom power will work ... Men dont feel as entitled as women ... Men are pressured to mk money first b4 being accepted in the society most times compared to women and that's y they hustle harder than us cos they know that's the only way to mk money for them... Men get intimidated when they see a wealthy woman , they hardly approach wealthy women for marriage ask Linda and Genevieve ... Imagine if they were men , they would hv married a long time ago with loads of women not minding to b second , third or fourth wife ... The truth is that men rhle the world and we should accept it , what we should b fighting for is for them not to take us forgranted ... Can u compare the number of men that hv made people wealthy compared to the number of people women have made wealthy ... Even if men should pass the mantle to us women, we will make a mess of it

i wanted to argue with you, but thought better of it. Okay then

Toks2008:
Seems you still don't get it.

These ladies don't want a good husband perse...what they want is their preconceived idea of a husband meaning a mind made husband.

This is why I will be the last person to pity any lady that gets heart broken or terribly treated in her marriage or romantic affair.

They know a good man but they will always gravitate towards a crazy guy(in most cases) and at the end they will start crying like a jinxed banshee.

Kindly tell me how women know a good man? I can tell you from experience that many nice guys are nice because they lack in other areas and many bad guys are bad because they can get away with it. It is hard to find a nice high-quality guy. It's either the one or the other. So maybe instead of blaming ladies all the time like they are some sort of masochistic weirdos you should consider it from a different angle.

Now I am not disagreeing that many ladies are completely messed up, even on this forum they feel flattered, when a man who disrespects women at every turn and shares some very repelling opinions, gives them attention and they don't even see how they disgrace themselves. Some of them are even accomplished ladies but still feel so unworthy they decide to throw themselves at these men. Pain will teach them what they need to know sooner or later. Like you said, experience is the best teacher.

However, you make it seem like men don't play a role in all of it. How many successful good-looking men do you know who are humble and kind? The number is miniscule. Those who are nice, more often than not, feel they have to work hard to get and keep a lady because they lack the looks and the resources (not only financially wise) to impress women.

I am done ranting.

Mindfulness:
Kindly tell me how women know a good man? I can tell you from experience that many nice guys are nice because they lack in other areas and many bad guys are bad because they can get away with it. It is hard to find a nice high-quality guy. It's either the one or the other. So maybe instead of blaming ladies all the time like they are some sort of masochistic weirdos you should consider it from a different angle.

Now I am not disagreeing that many ladies are completely messed up, even on this forum they feel flattered, when a man who disrespects women at every turn and has shares some very repelling opinions, gives them attention and don't even see how they disgrace themselves. Some of them are even accomplished ladies but still feel so unworthy they decide to throw themselves at these men.

However, you make it seem like men don't play a role in all of it. How many successful good-looking men do you know who are humble and kind? The number is miniscule. It is those who are nice who feel they have to work hard to get and keep a lady because they lack the looks and the resources (not only financially wise) to impress women.

I am done ranting.

Humble, Kind, Rich, Good-looks in one vessel. Did you just describe Youthful biblical-King David?

healthserve:
Humble, Kind, Rich, Good-looks in one vessel. Did you just describe Youthful biblical-King David?

Maybe

Mindfulness:
Maybe

No wonder. Its like quoting Kardashian and Work in the same sentence

healthserve:
No wonder. Its like quoting Kardashian and Work in the same sentence

You have just helped me make my point though.

Harlequeen:
I opened this account because my main one is pretty popular.

I've had this issue and don't know what's wrong.
I can't seem to get into a new relationship. I am now 25, about serving, working a normal job

My dating history is not too rich. I dated just one guy for 2 years, i became sexually active with him, we enjoyed each other, but things didn't work out. I tried to be better, have moved on, and he has too. This was mid last year. I have been celibate since then not because i don't like sex, but because i had time to think, i read a lot of books, listened to a lot of relationship counselors on YouTube, reddit, Nairaland and so on. I decided to approach dating differently, with my head and not my heart . i would vet men out who were not in line with some basic standards, to avoid fuckboys and meet high quality men. He should be well spoken, either with a career or into trade, accomplished, way older by at least 10 yrs(no i don't have daddy issues, i just like mature guys because i think like a mature person) he could also have plans to leave the country, because i plan to do that also.


Here's the issue, the men that express interest in me do not fit this criteria. They seem to have no plan for their lives. I get this impression that they are broke, they recycle the same lines all the time, i usually see their bull sh1t tactics a mile away. some are in the army(i can't date men in the armed forces, they lifestyle is not what i want for myself, cannot date doctors either for the same reason)others are artisans, some are plain hustlers who just do whatever to eat. I have a soft spot for ambitious men, and i have not seen a lot in the area that i am in. I have been advised by my friends to try highbrow areas like lekki or VI or go to church, but i don't believe in religion.

But whenever i see these men, i am not attracted to them. I have even tried online dating with some male nairalanders, but i get disinterested easily. I get turned off when someone asks for my normal pics, it is quite frustrating. There's that fear that some of these men could use my pics to masturbate or one other creepy purpose. I block them if they ask for nudes. But the issue is, it is quite exhausting to keep chatting with someone without seeing them in person and some of these guys just want to smash and run which i won't allow. No man will have access to my vagina and womb without investment and commitment. Eventually it becomes hard to keep up communication and we just fizzle out like that.

I am not under pressure to marry from my parents, infact my dad says he won't allow his daughters marry until they clock 28 and i am the first. He wants us to have a career and a life before moving with a man. I just want to know if what i am doing is right?

To be honest, i just want some words of advice and encouragement, you can ask me questions if you want. This approach of mine? Is it the right thing? Am i being too smart for my own good? Am i afraid of commitment?

Now i was able to read through you post, and what i could see is too much worries and a person who actually don't wanna live life on a natural scale.You don't wanna let the natural falling in love encompass you.
Your dreams are nice good and most of all amazing,but what should be of importance to you is falling in love and been loved back.
Of course i aren't saying you should go for a low life with no dreams.But out there they are low lifes with great dreams and aspirations,what they need is time.
75% of rich folks today were onces poor.
Once again open your heart and fall in love naturally and u will get to understand all what you listed above is just d childish you speaking

[quote author=Harlequeen post=84566885]I opened this account because my main one is pretty popular.

This is Pocohantas

Now I know your alternate

Mindfulness:
Now I am not disagreeing that many ladies are completely messed up, even on this forum they feel flattered, when a man who disrespects women at every turn and shares some very repelling opinions, gives them attention and they don't even see how they disgrace themselves. Some of them are even accomplished ladies but still feel so unworthy they decide to throw themselves at these men. Pain will teach them what they need to know sooner or later. Like you said, experience is the best teacher.

... and as almost always happens, these guys turn on them. I always read such ‘attack’ exchanges with glee.

lefulefu:
i cant understand why a girl in nigeria will be saying she is finding it hard to get a partner .nigeria wey men dey search upandan for wives .if na abroad i can understand cos for yankee and jardon most guys dere no dey too send woman dat much d way we naija guys do and many of them arnt all dat suck for marriage hence many of their ladies are very lonely. but in naija ehn men dont give women breathing spaces so its kinder surprising when i see a lady in nigerian complaining that she cant get a man .

Well said my man

doitforyou:
... and as almost always happens, these guys turn on them. I always read such ‘attack’ exchanges with glee.

Well, as expected.

You've said it all. Small pikin still dey worry this one. Pls try to hold on until you're 40+ and let's see if all these"I am fine, intelligent etc will still hold. BTW, to say you're intelligent means you not! You just think you are.

Ladylite:
Aunti
Aunty

Calm down, go and enjoy your life.

You may not believe in religion now but I bet you when you are 35 you will know life is spiritual.


All this you explained here are normal for teenagers and under 25 girls.

Lady to Lady I tell you that you know even if you meet a mature guy with all that standard, he may not be interested in you and you are too proud to chase or beg.


See, you are not ready so move on and have fun with your life and other areas of your life.

IN your 30s try again by then the standards you spent so much time explaining now will not seem important to you.

Ciao

Beverlyjean:
How many female billionaires do we hv in the world ?? 90% of female billionaires got their wealth thru family wealth which was created by the father ( man) ... Most women dint know how to manage or grow a business ... Theresa may was given an opportunity as pm but she cudnt manage that position.. next thing is that we blame men for our failing in life not minding the fact that there are more women than men I the world ... Women are groomed to believe that they are entitled to every good thing but will challenge the hard things of life ... Feminists have never talked about the number of women accepted in the army but will challenge payments in sports even tho male sports is more accepted and viewed than female sports ... But also forget that Serena earns more that alot of male tennis players ... The world is designed in such a way that money can only b made thru crowd acceptance ... Men can easily pay a woman to hv a child for him but how many women can do same ?? Men gain employment due to their true credentials but women gain more employment because if credentials dont work , bottom power will work ... Men dont feel as entitled as women ... Men are pressured to mk money first b4 being accepted in the society most times compared to women and that's y they hustle harder than us cos they know that's the only way to mk money for them... Men get intimidated when they see a wealthy woman , they hardly approach wealthy women for marriage ask Linda and Genevieve ... Imagine if they were men , they would hv married a long time ago with loads of women not minding to b second , third or fourth wife ... The truth is that men rhle the world and we should accept it , what we should b fighting for is for them not to take us forgranted ... Can u compare the number of men that hv made people wealthy compared to the number of people women have made wealthy ... Even if men should pass the mantle to us women, we will make a mess of it

They are coming for your head for saying the wicked truth.....

stinflame:
Now i was able to read through you post, and what i could see is too much worries and a person who actually don't wanna live life on a natural scale.You don't wanna let the natural falling in love encompass you.
Your dreams are nice good and most of all amazing,but what should be of importance to you is falling in love and been loved back.
Of course i aren't saying you should go for a low life with no dreams.But out there they are low lifes with great dreams and aspirations,what they need is time.
75% of rich folks today were ones poor.
Once again open your heart and fall in love naturally and u will get to understand all what you listed above is just d childish you speaking

Well said @ childish. But mostly importantly the last relationships that didn't end well has caused massive rift in the Op's psyche hence created a list of criterion to defend against future relationships wreckage.

Unfortunately, the Op doesnt recognise that issues have two-way after-effect i.e that people who are hell bent on rules don't know their own rules imprisons them.

And more importantly, through the rules, the ex is still in control of their lives...( albeit through the self-limiting impositions they placed upon themselves as learnt/picked-up from the previous relationship )

healthserve:
See. There's a lot I won't say because of the enemity between the two of us... . While our enemity remains intact for sure, allow me drop some things I feel you considered lightly


1. Take vacations more - this time not to classy places but to open places like Shoprites and co.


2. Drop your car for some time. By taking public cars, you could see men climbing up the ladder


3. Spend your Saturdays outdoors. Attend conferences, seminars


4. Above all, see a prophet, this issue like other issues emanates from the spiritual.


5. You've been a victim of wrong/substandard environment for the men you sought in the past, now wake up and make the most of your work environment


6. Try to replace all online shopping with going to the grocery/super market stores yourself


7. Try new profiles with pictures on sites like Facebook/instagram


8. Start using public transportation and increase your use of this system. I.e BRT. Don't do boat rides o. You know you ladies have your spiritual husbands close.. Water draws you closer to being kept in check by your Spirit husband..

My belle o. Am I this mean?


Cc: LifeisGuhd Crazyblue

Cc: MissJoy29

Laugh wan finish me here!

MissJoy29:
Laugh wan finish me here!

Say it nau. Make I come tickle ya waist make you talk?

I'd say this is normal for a 25 year old. It takes a while to find the right person. Keep searching and eveyrhting will be alright

Harlequeen:
Yes i am. I am feminine, soft, good company, intelligent, just starting out my career, well read and so much more. The man who i end up with will be truly blessed.

I fancy your last statement..it appears you have a good degree of self esteem.... Bravo!

I observed you mentioned you are not religion.. I admire your free will... but do you believe in God?


I am curious girl..

MiVida:
wait well.

No be small wait well

Harlequeen:
I opened this account because my main one is pretty popular.

I've had this issue and don't know what's wrong.
I can't seem to get into a new relationship. I am now 25, about serving, working a normal job

My dating history is not too rich. I dated just one guy for 2 years, i became sexually active with him, we enjoyed each other, but things didn't work out. I tried to be better, have moved on, and he has too. This was mid last year. I have been celibate since then not because i don't like sex, but because i had time to think, i read a lot of books, listened to a lot of relationship counselors on YouTube, reddit, Nairaland and so on. I decided to approach dating differently, with my head and not my heart . i would vet men out who were not in line with some basic standards, to avoid fuckboys and meet high quality men. He should be well spoken, either with a career or into trade, accomplished, way older by at least 10 yrs(no i don't have daddy issues, i just like mature guys because i think like a mature person) he could also have plans to leave the country, because i plan to do that also.


Here's the issue, the men that express interest in me do not fit this criteria. They seem to have no plan for their lives. I get this impression that they are broke, they recycle the same lines all the time, i usually see their bull sh1t tactics a mile away. some are in the army(i can't date men in the armed forces, they lifestyle is not what i want for myself, cannot date doctors either for the same reason)others are artisans, some are plain hustlers who just do whatever to eat. I have a soft spot for ambitious men, and i have not seen a lot in the area that i am in. I have been advised by my friends to try highbrow areas like lekki or VI or go to church, but i don't believe in religion.

But whenever i see these men, i am not attracted to them. I have even tried online dating with some male nairalanders, but i get disinterested easily. I get turned off when someone asks for my normal pics, it is quite frustrating. There's that fear that some of these men could use my pics to masturbate or one other creepy purpose. I block them if they ask for nudes. But the issue is, it is quite exhausting to keep chatting with someone without seeing them in person and some of these guys just want to smash and run which i won't allow. No man will have access to my vagina and womb without investment and commitment. Eventually it becomes hard to keep up communication and we just fizzle out like that.

I am not under pressure to marry from my parents, infact my dad says he won't allow his daughters marry until they clock 28 and i am the first. He wants us to have a career and a life before moving with a man. I just want to know if what i am doing is right?

To be honest, i just want some words of advice and encouragement, you can ask me questions if you want. This approach of mine? Is it the right thing? Am i being too smart for my own good? Am i afraid of commitment?

You are your problem with men. Most men who have value and understand fully what marriage is won't come to you high handedly. They would play low to get your real character. I personally is turned off when I meet a proud lady worst still one with no humility and is inhumane.

Thank you

Ladylite:
Aunti
Aunty

Calm down, go and enjoy your life.

You may not believe in religion now but I bet you when you are 35 you will know life is spiritual.


All this you explained here are normal for teenagers and under 25 girls.

Lady to Lady I tell you that you know even if you meet a mature guy with all that standard, he may not be interested in you and you are too proud to chase or beg.


See, you are not ready so move on and have fun with your life and other areas of your life.

IN your 30s try again by then the standards you spent so much time explaining now will not seem important to you.

Ciao

I once pledged here on NL that I would not like to speak on issues of marriage here,but I'm fascinated by this lady request and her standards.
Hymm,young lady,are you sure that ALL these criteria must be met,even partially?
Are you aware that the love of physical father do diminish as he looks towards having an extension family,in-laws etc,even as he advanced in age,s ince he can't be your husband?
One key area you mentioned is no-religion ie free life style,why do you think those who claimed celibacy amongst women rush to abandon such with the consent of their numerous social members friends?
if it's because of money or career you are making such assertions,then you are not ready to build a home or settled down.Please,drop your current toga for only God can set such criteria.All I know you will need the help of the Almighty God now and in future.Money may fail,friends may disappoint you but be it in Nigeria,London or New York,the Mighty God will always be available for you.Wish you what you wish yourself.