He cannot poison your children's minds against you. I'm sure they are growing up, and are seeing how to interact with others around. Continue to show your children love, and let them see how much they mean to you. Guide them aright to be polite, humble and kind. They will naturally show those traits.
If their father asks them to be rude and insultive, their common sense will let them know it's wrong.
Don't fear. Children are not stupid. They will understand it's only an abnormal person that will ask a child to insult an adult, talkmore of its mother. When they see their friends hugging their mothers and respecting their mothers, they will know they have been misled and will end up detesting the one who has misled them.
Stop fretting, raise them well, discipline them when needed, raise them morally upright and to be always polite to everyone. You will reap the benefits

healthserve:




Na who be this one

Your nemesis.

ebyjoyken:
I spend more time with the kids than he does. When we got married, he asked me to live in the village with his mum and sister my parents refused and asked him to get an apartment for me in the city. Which he later did. Since then he hated my family for challenging him.

If that's the case, then you even have more possibility of turning them against him if you wanted
You have no problem.

As for his relationship with your family - since you have been okay with the status quo for the last 10yrs and never tried to initiate a reconciliation between them, then continue being okay with it.

I don't know how you expect to deal with a 10yr old grudge overnight. I suspect this might even be the cause of your recent disagreements.

Fountainofyouth:



Your nemesis.

Yawns. Busy abeg u

You don't know your right self b/w you and your husband who has more power to influence the kids unless you have not been a good mother to them.

Children Learn by what they see so fret not.They know who is antagonizing who.

I wonder what even made his mind go that way.

Most people threaten different kinds of stuff when upset but to say he will tell the children to insult you is as weird as they come.

Tell your husband that the people who will be harmed the most in the process will be the children.

Some people don’t understand how harmful it is to use children as weapons in their relationship squabbles.

Mindfulness:
Tell your husband that the people who will be harmed the most in the process will be the children.

cococandy:
Some people don’t understand how harmful it is to use children as weapons in their relationship squabbles.

I am here to let them know.

Mindfulness:


I am here to let them know.

ebyjoyken:
I spend more time with the kids than he does. When we got married, he asked me to live in the village with his mum and sister my parents refused and asked him to get an apartment for me in the city. Which he later did. Since then he hated my family for challenging him.

What kind of a man wants his wife to live in the village? What kind of family butts into their daughter's marriage?
Madam, are you a full housewife? I doubt if your husband will ask you to leave your job or pack up your business so you can live with his family in the village.
So far you have given us little information to go on, and mature people need more information so they can better understand your situation and give you sound advice.

GrabHisBalls:


Secondly, you're obviously bitter your husband didn't call your family when you lost your dad. Have you found out from him why he didn't? Did your family offend him in any way? And even if he was offended, nothing justifies not sharing his condolence at that time. Regardless, you have to forgive him in order to have a peaceful marriage since he's your husband.

There is no justifiable reason as to why he shouldn't. The wife didnt fall from space. Have you tried switching places and the wife is the one who didnt share in the condolence?

Fountainofyouth:



I have noticed one trend with so called males here, they usually type @emboldened when it is a female stating her issues, but when it's a male, their functioning brain goes on hibernation, SMH!!

If you want to hear the other side of the story, kindly get in touch with the horseband, and bring him here to say his version, in the meantime, this is all we have, if you are not satisfied with her version, don't even try to comment, and the next time you see a female thread stating her sad family issues, kindly jump and pass.

What's your aim on this thread? To win a gender war or help OP?

ebyjoyken:
I spend more time with the kids than he does. When we got married, he asked me to live in the village with his mum and sister my parents refused and asked him to get an apartment for me in the city. Which he later did. Since then he hated my family for challenging him.

How do you ladies pick men like this? Don't you date and have an idea what structure you both want to put in place for your marriage?
Why would a husband want to marry a lady and say she will live in the village with his mom and sisters?He feels offended because your family told him no.smh

Anyway,don't let you children be used as pawns in the issues between both of you.
You spend most times with your children so he can't even make them antagonize you.

Fountainofyouth:



Where does it say she doesnt respect him? Didn't you see where she said anytime she challenges the horseband he'll tell the kids to insult her? Does your definition of challenge means being rude? Did you even read to understand or you read to blurt out whatever rubbish your little brain told you to type

Than tell me how can a sane man wake up in the morning
telling his wife he will train the children to be insulting her?
if it is not the wife that started it,
the husband has been insulted by the wife that he can't take it anymore
so he decided to make her the victim too
because am a victim of it too
Sometimes you should quote people with respect
dickhead

xoftcore:

Than tell me how can a sane man wake up in the morning
telling his wife he will train the children to be insulting her?
if it is not the wife that started it,
the husband has been insulted by the wife that he can't take it anymore
so he decided to make her the victim too
because am a victim of it too
Sometimes you should quote people with respect
dickhead

Using kids to fight your battle is a signature of a compound weakling.

TheArchangel:
Using kids to fight your battle is a signature of a compound weakling.

i Heard

Fountainofyouth:


You are the bigger joke dude.

Chai! Omo this one came with an arsenal of nuclear weapon ni oo
Just throwing jabs everywhere!

xoftcore:

Than tell me how can a sane man wake up in the morning
telling his wife he will train the children to be insulting her?
if it is not the wife that started it,
the husband has been insulted by the wife that he can't take it anymore
so he decided to make her the victim too
because am a victim of it too
Sometimes you should quote people with respect
dickhead

So because the woman insults him, means he is justified by telling his children to insult her too, two wrong makes a right abi? Because you have been a victim means she should be a victim right? What happen to settling it amicably without involving the kids? I actually quoted you without respect because you don't deserve it diickhead.

Fountainofyouth:



So because the woman insults him, means he is justified by telling his children to insult her too, two wrong makes a right abi? Because you have been a victim means she should be a victim right? What happen to settling it amicably without involving the kids? I actually quoted you without respect because you don't deserve it diickhead.

i gladly understand what you are going through
inferiority
but from the bottom of my heart Bleep you

ebyjoyken:
Hi! Good morning all.
I have been married for 10 years, and i have never had any serious with my husband, i have never treated his mother badly. I love his mum just like i love mine. I lost my dad last year and my husband never showed any concern towards my family, i didn't call any of my siblings or my mum till date. But recently each time we are having a discussion he keeps saying that anytime i challenge him that he will ask my children to insult me. This breaks my heart because i was never rude to my parents as child even as an adult. I have never spoken ill of my husband before my kids, so i don't understand why he keeps saying that to me. My children mean alot to me, i have invested so much in my kids and they are lovely children. I am scared that he might start poisoning their minds towards me. Matured advice needed please.

There is no smoke with out fire

You didn't tell us exactly what brought about this stupid issue

However, God will not allow your children to disobey you

Children are bonded with their mothers so he is just showing you how wicked he is

Then on your own side, avoid anything that will trigger rancour between you and him but don't accept maltreatment or intimidating behaviour from him, if he does that challenge him

See his family exactly the way he sees yours

If he doesn't call your mum or siblings forget about it "salutation is not love"

Be strong and be loving to your Family

Worst case he will pack you out, that's not a big deal

Don't ever allow your emotions to weigh you down, all he is doing is to pull her down (PHD)

When you want to pray, involve your children by so doing it will be difficult to get them against you

Just because your father is late, he feels its time to strike, that's how some idiotic men behaves when their father inlaw dies

Don't ever show up with weakness of emotion, be strong and he will be too weak to handle you

I decided not to advise you to beg him, for him to open his mouth to instigate the children against you, shows that he sees himself as a demi god you should worship

frozen70:


There is no smoke with out fire

You didn't tell us exactly what brought about this stupid issue

However, God will not allow your children to obey him

Children are bonded with their mothers so he is just showing you how wicked he is

Then on your own side, avoid anything that will trigger rancour between you and him but don't accept maltreatment or intimidating behaviour from him, if he does that challenge him

See his family exactly the way he sees yours

If he doesn't call your mum or siblings forget about it "salutation is not love"

Be strong and be loving to your Family

Worst case he will pack you out, that's not a big deal

Don't ever allow your emotions to weigh you down, all he is doing is to pull her down (PHD)

When you want to pray, involve your children by so doing it will be difficult to get them against you

Just because your father is late, he feels its time to strike, that's how some idiotic men behaves when their father inlaw dies

Don't ever show up with weakness of emotion, be strong and he will be too weak to handle you

I decided not to advise you to beg him, for him to open his mouth to instigate the children against you, shows that he sees himself as a demi god you should worship

Thank you ma. I have been loyal and respectful to him. He has been abusing me emotionally but i refused to break. But he found my weekness and that's my children. Every little thing he will threaten me that he will take my kids away from me. I have been good with his siblings and mum. If he sees my children around me, he gets angry and ask them to leave my side. It is beginning to really bother me. If he does something wrong and i correct him or tell him to treat people with love, he becomes very angry and starts threatening me with my kids . Telling me that i will soon run mad. So many things but i can't bear my heart on a public forum.

ebyjoyken:
Thank you ma. I have been loyal and respectful to him. He has been abusing me emotionally but i refused to break. But he found my weekness and that's my children. Every little thing he will threaten me that he will take my kids away from me. I have been good with his siblings and mum. If he sees my children around me, he gets angry and ask them to leave my side. It is beginning to really bother me. If he does something wrong and i correct him or tell him to treat people with love, he becomes very angry and starts threatening me with my kids . Telling me that i will soon run mad. So many things but i can't bear my heart on a public forum.

This is serious

God into prayers, I mean midnight prayers, speak out to God and tell God exactly what you want from him

Mention names of people you think are responsible for this traumatic situation and mention his name that God will bless him to the extent that he won't have time to be picking on you

Tell God to keep Mr (--) mention his name to his hearing, busy by making him to be successful that he will have enough to give his family and be focused on his business or work that whenever he sees you, he will be happy that you prayed him to success

Look be strong, if he is maltreating you, his source of income will shake and he wouldn't want that

Stop correcting him let him keep showing people his Wickedness

Very soon, he will fight himself

crackhaus:

Probably his, and perhaps he also extended his condolences through them.
The story is still opening up little by little

OP is no longer talking.

bukatyne:


OP is no longer talking.

My assumption is if she had kept up the question & answer session with me, she will begin revealing what she has actually been saying/doing to make the husband start seeing her as the enemy within

ebyjoyken:
He didn't attend my dad's burial, he wasn't around. His brothers attended on his behalf. I am not trying to be the victim. I just wrote it as it is. He doesn't like my family, i have asked him several why he doesn't like my family. He gave no response.

How was your traditional wedding? Was your family fair to him?

ebyjoyken:
Thank you ma. I have been loyal and respectful to him. He has been abusing me emotionally but i refused to break. But he found my weekness and that's my children. Every little thing he will threaten me that he will take my kids away from me. I have been good with his siblings and mum. If he sees my children around me, he gets angry and ask them to leave my side. It is beginning to really bother me. If he does something wrong and i correct him or tell him to treat people with love, he becomes very angry and starts threatening me with my kids . Telling me that i will soon run mad. So many things but i can't bear my heart on a public forum.

Stop correcting him, avoid him once he is around, serve his food and remain quiet. Don't bring up discussions, when he ask, answer him respectfully. I am sure this is the type of attitude he is expecting from you. I cannot live such a life without blowing it, but you see, you know how you met your husband, you know him more than I do, if you can do such suggestion, please try it and see how far you can go with it. Forget about his abusive words if you are not buoyant or doing something reasonable in terms of finance. Stop being afraid of your kids, just be a good mother to your children. When it comes to kids, you have an upper hand. Just raise your kids with love, they have senses and they are very observant.

Graxie:
Stop correcting him, avoid him once he is around, serve his food and remain quiet. Don't bring up discussions, when he ask, answer him respectfully. I am sure this is the type of attitude he is expecting from you. I cannot live such a life without blowing it, but you see, you know how you met your husband, you know him more than I do, if you can do such suggestion, please try it and see how far you can go with it. Forget about his abusive words if you are not buoyant or doing something reasonable in terms of finance. Stop being afraid of your kids, just be a good mother to your children. When it comes to kids, you have an upper hand. Just raise your kids with love, they have senses and they are very observant.

Thank you.

crackhaus:

My assumption is if she had kept up the question & answer session with me, she will begin revealing what she has actually been saying/doing to make the husband start seeing her as the enemy within

I can't do that. I have told you the truth about what happened. What more answers do you want?

ebyjoyken:
I can't do that. I have told you the truth about what happened. What more answers do you want?

It's not about the answers I want, but about your credibility.

You first claimed you had no idea why he didn't like your family thereby making him out to be some kind of psycho who just wakes up one morning to start hating people...but I called you out on it - the result was that you suddenly became aware right on this thread and shared it with us.


If that's not enough, let me give you another good example:

ebyjoyken:
Hi! Good morning all.
I have been married for 10 years, and i have never had any serious with my husband,

Apparently, you have never had any serious issues with your husband.


So what do you call all of this?

ebyjoyken:
Thank you ma. I have been loyal and respectful to him. He has been abusing me emotionally but i refused to break. But he found my weekness and that's my children. Every little thing he will threaten me that he will take my kids away from me. I have been good with his siblings and mum. If he sees my children around me, he gets angry and ask them to leave my side. It is beginning to really bother me. If he does something wrong and i correct him or tell him to treat people with love, he becomes very angry and starts threatening me with my kids. Telling me that i will soon run mad. So many things but i can't bear my heart on a public forum.

crackhaus:

It's not about the answers I want, but about your credibility.

You first claimed you had no idea why he didn't like your family thereby making him out to be some kind of psycho who just wakes up one morning to start hating people...but I called you out on it - the result was that you suddenly became aware right on this thread and shared it with us.


If that's not enough, let me give you another good example:

Apparently, you have never had any serious issues with your husband.


So what do you call all of this?

After reading all this, you still want clarification from me?