₦airaland Forum

Ladylite:
You married too early
You married misinformed
You married a good man but you are a better wife

Also your parents disappointed you. Anyway you are still in charge. God bless you for being strong.

Here is what to do
Meet an elder or pastor or cleric that can listen to you and let them interfere.

Also pls try to correct your child in his absence

Also for your husband simply note that you have changed and you have become less attractive to him. So simply change how you dress, change how you treat him first.... Dress differently, talk about whatever you know he is interested in.


If he is still in your daughter's business... Then u need to be careful... He may cheat on you with her when she is older.... So take a firm stand o, you are still young.

Obason22:
Is only baby mama or club girl can offer such advice.

xxxkubexxx:
Securing a Job now won’t bring happiness to your home.

I think his fears are based on your present attitudes (work on them).

You are still getting to know your self at 23, which is expected, plus u married too early. I feel u are under peer pressure, because you didn’t complain about ur husband’s capabilities in taking care of the home.

You are yet to convince him that you can balance a home and work for now (at 23 you may not, because you will take some irrelevant things at priorities). Having to work is not a justification for your education. Trust me, some work places are worse that ur home. Your education makes u an informed person that can organize his or her life daily.

A lot of ladies wish they are in your shoes, that you have a man taking care of all you needs should be a dream come through. In the next 7 years u will just be 30.

My advise:
1. Have more kids
2. Develop ur self more academically
3. Avoid gossips
4. Stay healthy and beautiful
5. Enjoy ur marriage
6. Make sure u are secured Incase anything happens to your husband (talk to him about this).

Taking care of ur home, ur daughter and husband is not small work. And being a full house wife does not make u lazy (you v certificate n it’s not ur call) You are a Treasure.

With time your husband will come around on your terms once ur self confidence improves.

allcomage:
Do you guys stay in Lagos? Is he earning big enough for the family? If yes to the two, i support your husband. You cannot have a good home for two of you working in Lagos 5.30am to 10pm due to traffic challenges.

joyandfaith:
If he can foot your bills, must you work? he married you as jobless woman and you want to start working after marriage. before getting married, it is good to have at least a source of income. please, stop arguing with him as long as he is footing your bills.
wait! why must he pamper you? do you still wear Pampers? too much watching of movies is worrying some girls. life is not fun. it is war.

UyaiIncomparabl:
I swear, I'm tired of this marriage bullocks! I fear for this thing called marriage seriously. Everywhere, rules and regulations just to keep these sets of overgrown urchins called 'men'. In the end, we're not favored.

Ehn, be submissive, watch war room, don't let his food go stale, always be punctual to make a hot bath for him, I've been in marriage for 47 years and I served my husband all through. Wo! I don't like what I hate o!

This attitude of insecurity, immaturity, insensitivity and a seeming need to be controlling from the male folks is seriously nauseating. Imagine that one who said men are big babies, and should be pampered. Chai, I no fit laugh. Thunder from above!

Desric:
The best advice to give to anyone who can not adjust to partner's demands or work out differences in marriage is to quit. Two can not work together except they agree, don't stay in a relationship where you'll claim someone wasted your opportunities for you, rather choose between alternatives which one is more important to you, for some family is everything, while for some career is everything, while for others family and career is all they crave for. In all, find your dream and live but make sure not to spoil some other person's blues with your reggae because what means the world to you might be very disgusting to your neighbor, always find a balance and don't force people to accept your choices because you believe they're the best.

Damilolacoker:
I wasn't jobless when he met me, I had a well paying Job. I'm sorry you think everything should be a battle but I don't intend to make my home a battlefield.

Damilolacoker:
My husband earns enough to keep us going. Financially , I don't doubt his capacity to take care of us. But I need to do something for myself, sometimes I get scared. What if something happens to him? I also want to earn my own money. He's only 29 years old .

Chi59:
I grew up watching my mom go to work. Her income has shouldered much more weight than that of my father. Single handedly sent four kids to the university. 3 are graduates.
It is wicked for a man to renege on his agreement to let her work just because "working class women are not submissive". Bollocks!

Pat081:
God will bless u for this comment sir ,some guys are dia comments like fool they are

healthserve:
I said I've been around at least 300 marriages. A woman doesn't transform into a beast from being treated well. I'm yet to see a single one.


I see people who rely on suppressing other people to appear powerful as stupid and mentally sick. Tell males to develop themselves and not rely on suppressing their women. The young women of this coming generation won't stay in toxic environment for too long. If they get deceived into lmit like in this case, once their awakening is triggered, they'll leave. Its simple as abc

phemy36:
You are a psychologist not a marriage counselor and pity whose ever take your advice

Damilolacoker:
Cheat on me with our daughter ?

SBL28:
You have to take some hard decisions. Your parents failed you by not fighting for you, it is now left to you to save yourself.

You should be doing something meaningful with your life. Why did he not marry a stark illiterate instead of imprisoning someone's daughter.

Go and start looking for a job and avoid getting pregnant at this period (that is what some men use to pin down their wives). If he wants to break the marriage because of that, let him. You can't just be sitting on your hands waiting for him to feed you for the rest of your life.


Edited to add for the slow pokes here yarning dust under my comment:

No sensible man will divorce his wife because she got a job. She can't be crying about not being able to do a job when she does not even have one in the first place. For how long will she continue to nurture her husband's insecurities?? She should look for a job that won't be too far, somewhere she won't have to close late so he won't have more ammunition to use against her.

Many older women today regret not standing up for themselves on time. The earlier the issue is trashed out the better.

chloride6:
Lol you dont have problem...

Just tell him you want to buy iPhone 12 for Xmas

And tell him to transfer the funds to you..

I actually know someone that asked his wife a bank manager to be a stay at home..

She did on the condition of joint account...

Can he agree to joint account?

Just let him know that you will be drawing an equivalent of your monthly salary from your joint account..

Infact tommrow look for his ATM, withdraw 200k and send to your mom for Xmas..

If he talks tell him that he is the one who said you should not work..

That he should not frustrate you..

Forward77:
Take my advise.

Men are big babies and you know babies are possessive and stubborn.

You have to understand that he’s your husband and not just anyone else.

He said clearly that women who work are not submissive.
He’s right about that.

Don’t argue with him. Show him that you are not going to be rebellious.

Don’t nag at him Learn to negotiate with your husband. Treat him you will treat yourself, because you won’t nag at yourself, but you’ll rather negotiate.

Don’t destroy your marriage now It’s obvious that he’s no more comfortable being around you; you have to make him feel comfortable. To have him with you because if you start to loose him, small girls with big gODS with snap him up.

Marriage is not always easy There’re no perfect marriages, so learn to compromise and always apply negotiation to avoid having a destroyed home.

From my understanding, there’s something you’re doing that is making him take such a decision and others things he does.

We know you’re a graduate and want to work and all that, but lower your standards and remember that you’re married.

The secret weapon is NEGOTIATION

I wish you good luck

cuteboy2:
What kind of advice is this ? Everything you wrote was cool until the bolded. I almost threw up . Is incest that common where you come from?

BravoDe:
Damilolacoker
U married too early 22yo and you're married, hmm

Damilolacoker:
Hello everyone I'm 24 years old and I have been married for three years. last year we had our first baby . Prior to our wedding, I and my husband decided I'll be allowed to work once our baby is old enough to attend day Care. Now our daughter is almost 2 years and he has refused to let me work. We've had countless arguments about this and it always ends with him saying women who work are not always submissive. I cannot be a full house wife , I am educated and cannot sit at home all say.

He recently told my parents I was being rude to him and they're all saying I should do whatever my husband wants. I love him but on this issue, I refuse to agree with him.

The other part here is he doesn't like me correcting our daughter. She's almost 2 and it irritates him whenever I try to potty train her or scold her. He insists I go to check up on Her at school during break hours. I understand that she's quite young but as her mother, I want the best for her.

Now he's changed towards me, he doesn't care or pamper me like he used to , sometimes he refuses to eat at home and when I try to speak with him, he's always very cold. Please help me, I don't know what to do anymore.

Damilolacoker:
Now he's changed towards me, he doesn't care or pamper me like he used to , sometimes he refuses to eat at home and when I try to speak with him, he's always very cold. Please help me, I don't know what to do anymore.

Damilolacoker:
*He was raised by a single mom .
*well not really. I don't know why he's so adamant on this one .
*my mom doesn't even want to listen to me, they all think I'm just being stubborn. They just listened to him and decided I was wrong .

SBL28:
You have to take some hard decisions. Your parents failed you by not fighting for you, it is now left to you to save yourself.

You should be doing something meaningful with your life. Why did he not marry a stark illiterate instead of imprisoning someone's daughter.

Go and start looking for a job and avoid getting pregnant at this period (that is what some men use to pin down their wives). If he wants to break the marriage because of that, let him. You can't just be sitting on your hands waiting for him to feed you for the rest of your life.


Edited to add for the slow pokes here yarning dust under my comment:

No sensible man will divorce his wife because she got a job. She can't be crying about not being able to do a job when she does not even have one in the first place. For how long will she continue to nurture her husband's insecurities?? She should look for a job that won't be too far, somewhere she won't have to close late so he won't have more ammunition to use against her.

Many older women today regret not standing up for themselves on time. The earlier the issue is trashed out the better.

bayelsaowei:
i am actually the opposite of the OPs husband..i want my wife to work and we argue seriously about it...this life na wa

BravoDe:
Damilolacoker
U married too early 22yo and you're married, hmm

Damilolacoker:
Hello everyone I'm 24 years old and I have been married for three years. last year we had our first baby . Prior to our wedding, I and my husband decided I'll be allowed to work once our baby is old enough to attend day Care. Now our daughter is almost 2 years and he has refused to let me work. We've had countless arguments about this and it always ends with him saying women who work are not always submissive. I cannot be a full house wife , I am educated and cannot sit at home all say.

He recently told my parents I was being rude to him and they're all saying I should do whatever my husband wants. I love him but on this issue, I refuse to agree with him.

The other part here is he doesn't like me correcting our daughter. She's almost 2 and it irritates him whenever I try to potty train her or scold her. He insists I go to check up on Her at school during break hours. I understand that she's quite young but as her mother, I want the best for her.

Now he's changed towards me, he doesn't care or pamper me like he used to , sometimes he refuses to eat at home and when I try to speak with him, he's always very cold. Please help me, I don't know what to do anymore.

phemy36:
I see. Don't compare your family issue with others. What obtainable in your home did not in another home

Forward77:
Take my advise.

Men are big babies and you know babies are possessive and stubborn.

You have to understand that he’s your husband and not just anyone else.

He said clearly that women who work are not submissive.
He’s right about that.

Don’t argue with him. Show him that you are not going to be rebellious.

Don’t nag at him Learn to negotiate with your husband. Treat him you will treat yourself, because you won’t nag at yourself, but you’ll rather negotiate.

Don’t destroy your marriage now It’s obvious that he’s no more comfortable being around you; you have to make him feel comfortable. To have him with you because if you start to loose him, small girls with big gODS with snap him up.

Marriage is not always easy There’re no perfect marriages, so learn to compromise and always apply negotiation to avoid having a destroyed home.

From my understanding, there’s something you’re doing that is making him take such a decision and others things he does.

We know you’re a graduate and want to work and all that, but lower your standards and remember that you’re married.

The secret weapon is NEGOTIATION

I wish you good luck

georgeiyke009:
Make una exchange wives. Marry the OP and dash the OPs hubby your own wife. Issue settled.

Desric:
So your major reason as a good woman/wife/mother to have money is to have a voice and a range of choices, and basically not to assist or support your husband and family? If I may ask what voice and choices are you even talking about as a married woman? Are you in any way looking for the money to start a power tussle with your husband knowing he's the head of the family? If yes, then, there lies the man's fears and insecurities, besides, with your thinking, women like Dora Akunyili, Ngozi Okonjo Iweala, Oby Ezekwesili, Ibikun Awosika, Omotola Jalade, even Mercy Johnson Okorie, etc wouldn't have stayed married because obviously they were ahead of their spouses social influence wise and little wonder young ladies are all dropping out from their infant marriages calling the man names and yet ending up regretting their actions in their minds. Marriage is not a bad thing at all and will never stop a lady from achieving her dreams, it all depends on your way of handing your man to the point where he can comfortably take a bullet for your sake and that way isn't by competing with his authority, it can never work.