U married a student what

hybrid77:
Pls i need a sincere advice here.

Im 3 months old in marriage and im so unhappy about the set up (my wife too)

My wife is a student and she tried everything to shift the marriage until easter this year but i refused due to many projects for the year. so we got married 3 months ago.

I took care of her bills since she got admission and we dated for 5 years

But she is so disrespectful and want to make important decisions in marriage which ive refused to allow.

Now, she claims i forced her into marriage and she is not mentally ready because i asked her to change to my family's name.

She has been good then bad then worse..And i think her words about forcing her into marriage has irreparably hurt me.

I spent over 3m of my cash to give her the wedding she wanted (Without any support from her family) against my wish for a 1m wedding.

And despite getting the big wedding she wants before consenting to marry last year, she claims she is not mentally ready and was forced into marriage.

she has repeated this over and over and its making me go crazy..in fact im tired already

Right now she wants more time to be a wife..but im beginning to feel there is a love issue here..I feel she does not love me as she always claims

Though weve settled but we dont talk as usual..we dont even want to hear from each other...

it seems i nolonger love her like i used to..And worst still, continuing with the marriage when she claims she was forced is degrading and disreputable.

My question is, at what point should anyone seriously consider a divorce?

Divorce can be done the following day of the wedding, no time frame except for the court proceedings period.

Divorce is not moin moin but if violence etc is involved I can suggest separation but your case can be rectified with the help of a good marriage counselor and I will recommend Bisi Adewale to you, http://bisiadewale.com
Get his tapes, books and if possible attend one or two of his seminars with your wife.

Dont loose hope my brother, dont give up, your marriage can still work.

She has been sleeping with someone in school and she has friends that tells her her husband is not worth it.woman can be so funny,but if she doesn’t change then you do the needful .

What age is your wife ? I'm guessing she's less than 25! If so, it isn't really a suprise to me her behaviour and the issues at hand.

I also guess you are not in the same age bracket as she is, hence she'll hardly see things the way you do.

However, you owe it as a duty to make your marriage work! Dont sound defeatist, do all you can to make it work! There is so much at stake!

Pick out "only" the substance from all the advice you get and learn to always handle your marital issues privately without interference from in-laws/parents ( i have learnt my lessons).

Most importantly, ask the holy spirit to guide you in all things and lean not unto your own understanding. When a couple begins to try to sort things out by themselves, they are prey for evil forces. But this sad scenerio does not have to be true of your marriage ! John 16:13 (You must first be born again)

Marriage is a threat to the agents of darkness and they do all they can to make it fail. Deut 32:30

Prayerfully submit your marriage to God's hand and let him be your guide !

Shalom

I just hope that most people advising you to divorce are married and have gone through a similar experience or something close.
Don’t rush into Divorce please. The only problem I see here is the initial challenge with most but not all marriage.
The Challenge of Understanding the other person. UNDERSTANDING, MUTUAL RESPECT AND FORGIVENESS is the key to every successful marriage.
A woman can show you very dark parts that will make you wonder if you have made mistakes. But only you and you alone will make her to turn around and start behaving well again and you will see the person you once loved.

TRUTH IS : We men can get bossy atimes in marriage & my experience is that it makes the woman uncomfortable.

Take your time to blame yourself where you are wrong, avoid the areas you know that causes problems and everything will be fine. It’s not easy but try and it’s not like she doesn’t have her negative parts but if you see the faults more in yourself you will blame her less and be a a happy man again.

Do your part and see how she respond to it, but don’t look for change in her immediately not even in the next one year but believe me you will be fine and happy again.

DON’T RUSH INTO DIVORCE PLEASE, AND REMEMBER EVERY SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE TAKES SERIOUS AND CONSCIOUS WORK.

NB: Go close to older couples, their advices are usually better than we that are young men.

I passed through a similar experience as yours but We are both fine now. Even after First Child there will also be challenge of understanding her new attitude as a young mother. Others have done it, you can do it.

Too early for all this... You are putting too much pressure on her and your young marriage , allow the marriage to grow, everyother thing will fall in place.

If you do not understand what I typed above, it is summarized in one word "PATIENCE "

I so much like the way I did mine.
Got her preggy.
Her Dad a clergy in a bid to ensure he keeps his reputation intact has joined me in financing d wedding.
I just dey calm dey wait for d wedding day n also expecting my baby with no pressure

Let her vo and rest. There are so many beautiful women ready to be baby mamas without commitment. That way you will enjoy your life till death and have as much children as you want. The world has grown beyond marriage by force

Well, according to the evidence you presented before this honourable court of marital affair, you've really indicted yourself. Your wife wasn't ready at all. She was cajoled by you and her mom to marry you probably using the fact that you've been responsible for her education as a bait which she fell for.

See, I'm a married man just like you and will be in better position to advice you. You're too bossy according to your chat record from her and your complaint report. Work on yourself. Be a better man. Be a friend to your wife and not a boss. Don't make her feel less because you took responsibility of her education. Respect her.

Don't give her reason to regret further. Give her assurance that the marriage will work and humble yourself enough to give her room to suggest what best needs to be done for the success of the marriage. Don't divorce. If you do, the next marriage won't work until you discover you're the problem to be solved. Best wishes and success.

Bad investment op, divorce amicably and move on.

thank goodness there's children involved, and hopefully u tapped that yansh for a good 5 years and two months to break-even.

and next time don't be a simp-simpleton. 'fear women'

femalecobra:


[s]. You are married to a lady who wants a friend and companion in a man not a bossy person. Someone who can allow her think n reason with u. You bring your idea and she brings hers and u reason together n male a logical conclusion.
Imposing yourself won’t work and that’s just the truth.
I am that type of lady too. “You can’t tell me to always DO your decision” you have to bring d logical analysis that led to ur idea...I may have mine and suggest and if after you advised and I do mine having considered both options ....I need you to respect my choice as a “human” not a compelled slave called “wife” that must do what you want” . After all, I would respect your choices so I expect you respect mine when the sometimes differ from yours.

But when I know it’s what u want that must work out, Then I feel I am dealing “with a bossy man” and I can’t stand it...hell cant...I would be miserable.
Why would I choose that for the rest of my life?
“Why would I want to choose submitting” to a man Dt “compels” submission for the rest of my life when I can choose to date a man that is a friend in a husband?

So if u wanna keep bossing ....as per I am the man!!!!...you must do as I say.....from the message I think there would be a problem....
Cus your kind woman no go gree

That cost me a relationship but I walked out of it. I cried. I loved him. But I couldn’t think of forever with a man that wants to “lord” “rule” “question my friendships or even cut my normal ties with male colleagues” simply because they are males etc on top of “marriage”. He too was in a haste like you that we married. But having seen people’s experience in life, I Was of the opinion we get to know each other....and I greatfull for that that I over stood my grounds on that.
I cried n wept but I know it’s the best choice of my life!!!

2. You love her more than she loves u. Why it’s true it’s good for a man to love a woman very well and sometimes they say even more than she loves him....you must be sure she at least has 70% of what u feel for her....else she would treat you anyhow ooo....except over time and experience she gets to see that u are a good guy and begin to value u.

3. No doubt she is quite rude. So sorry to say. Because that tone is not even one that would bring peace. Even if you are bossy to her...it’s not by her being bossy in addressing the issue that would solve it.
Her tone is not one of love....that is crying desperately for a bossy husband to stop as she can’t stand it anymore and would likely quit if he doesn’t.

How did u guys date for 5 years and not get to be friends
Or fully understand each other
Was it 5 years or 5 months?

I don’t know the solution ...what I can identify here though is the problem�

Well my solution is that if you want the marriage to work you would need to sacrifice more as it’s obvious you are the one that loves her more for you to have said the marriage be rushed.
Just ignore her rudeness, do what you are to do, play your role, Love and gentleness in most time calms a lady....our conscience tells us to act better as we get to know it’s only a man that loves us that has come so low to take our bullshit and we just get to know that we just have to treat him right over time.

But if you keep fighting same way with a loud mouthed lady...you won’t make progress...
Resentment would only just Set in deeper and deeper!!!

So the ball is in your court,
Is the marriage worth fighting for?[/s]

I would have taken your analysis seriously, but then..with that moniker of yours?

Keep your venom to yourself biko

Men, stop looking for girls to marry, look for women who are ready for marriage... Simple

Misscongenialit:


Let's not rush into hasty conclusions, like I mentioned it could be immaturity or her just being foolish. But time tells everything , that's why he needs to be patient and work with time. She could also be pulling the strings of manipulation and taking advantage of his love . So he has to be wise and give her what she asks for . I f she takes it good for both still early for them, if she changes still good for both for better understanding than one sided love.If they must move forward it has to be both and together

Let's learn from history so that we don't become history. This woman is shouting she's not ready, she has been forced, she's stressed yet he should continue watching her till when? Till she decides it's time to end him like Maryam? Till she decides it's better to seek the arms of another man secretly? Till kids get involved and then things become more complicated?

ZooOga:
Bad investment op, divorce amicably and move on.

thank goodness there's children involved, and hopefully u tapped that yansh for a good 5 years and two months to break-even.

and next time don't be a simp-simpleton. 'fear women'

Even if kids are involved, it doesn't change a failed marriage. Except you want to lead a very sad life.

Men will never learn - oga headmaster - marriage today is not what it used to be! U want to be bossing your wife around on top ‘ head of house ‘ - that approach doesn’t work anymore . Compromise and communication is key - ur not her boss .

Listen, it won't be like this forever. Journeys can start off rather bumpy but smooth out along the way. You'll find your way around each other and then things will work out alright. If the bumps don't come now, it most likely will tomorrow. There are no partnerships without challenges. Don't make such delicate and life-altering decision hastily. The only thing that worries me is that you dated this woman for five good years and you didn't see any warning signs she does not love you? So it's hard to believe she doesn't love you. Listen to the woman, okay? Take care of her needs above yours so that peace will reign and you'll win her over. Listen to the little details she's talking about like bossing her around or insisting that things go your way. You have to put her first and let her win. If she wins you both win- that's the trick. Don't listen to all the voices saying break up your marriage. Even if she's cranky now, just keep loving and making her feel like a queen. Eventually, you'll become that'my loving indespensible husband.' Playing 'you must submit and apologise to me first' won't work. Stay put and faithful. For better for worse.

Petyprincess:
The truth is your wife doesn't love you no more or never loved you!! Moreover why did you forced her into marriage with you? That's where the problem started.Nw the best way is to go your separate ways since the marriage is even early nd she's already gotten fed up with you,nw that you have no kids you still can still divorce nd let her continue her single life since that's what she always wanted!! If you dnt divorce she will keep on blaming you for forcing her into marriage when she wasn't ready.Its better divorcing that getting stalked in marriage that love isnt mutual!!

Abagworo:
Let her vo and rest. There are so many beautiful women ready to be baby mamas without commitment. That way you will enjoy your life till death and have as much children as you want. The world has grown beyond marriage by force

Wucked man

Since, she has mentioned force, or you mentioned force. ..Then let her be. .. But am sorry, you have paid dowry already. ... YOU CAN'T DIVORCE HER ���

Dollabiz:
U married a student what

Dem no dey hear word... .Student? Girlie that has not enjoyed life.

Op was scammed.....

But u need floging sha... So beauty blinded you... Cause me no see any love from ur story....

God... 3mill on a girl because u wan marry her... Not bad though.... But na u go lose las las if u file a divorce... Ticket wan cut be dat... I feel ur pain bro....i know u rich bro.. But some folks cant even boast of 50k in their account and still found love and peace.... Take heart

how did you guys even get to that stage of getting married? it's obvious your not even friends atleast yould strive to make it work no matter what...for now just give her space o or uld just keep resenting yourselves the deed is already done...but be careful not to push her so hard before u end up like Mariam's husband! cause I feel ur now being bossy because u schooled her and have don alot for her so ur expecting so much in return for her but oga ur doesnt work that way o cause d next thing sheld say is she didnt force u...uno y? its cause she didnt and doesnt love you so she can NEVA appreciate any big or little thing u do for her...she only married u out of pity and shes fed up already.

romenna:
I so much like the way I did mine.
Got her preggy.
Her Dad a clergy in a bid to ensure he keeps his reputation intact has joined me in financing d wedding.
I just dey calm dey wait for d wedding day n also expecting my baby no 1 with no pressure

For your mind.

How old was she when you got married to her? Is she below 23. Girls of such age still want to have fun.

I don't think she loves you anymore but she speaks so immature. Well if I was in your shoe I will divorce her. I can't die early because of a woman.

What's happening wit marriages for God sake, u people are just making a marriage a scaring place for others to enter. Dis is wat happened when force some1 to make a decision, u force her to marriage because u don't wanna lose her but u forget wat d adage says dat "What is urs wld surely be urs no matter wat" wat you're so afraid of is wat u're gonna settle for now. You better let her go in peace b4 it get out of hand because it's so glaring she's tired nd fed up nd I guess d only reason she agreed in d first place was because of the money because as far as I'm concern u can nv force anybody to do wat it won't favour them so force is just an excuse because she has achieve her aim.

hybrid77:
Pls i need a sincere advice here.

Im 3 months old in marriage and im so unhappy about the set up (my wife too)

My wife is a student and she tried everything to shift the marriage until easter this year but i refused due to many projects for the year. so we got married 3 months ago.

I took care of her bills since she got admission and we dated for 5 years

But she is so disrespectful and want to make important decisions in marriage which ive refused to allow.

Now, she claims i forced her into marriage and she is not mentally ready because i asked her to change to my family's name.

She has been good then bad then worse..And i think her words about forcing her into marriage has irreparably hurt me.

I spent over 3m of my cash to give her the wedding she wanted (Without any support from her family) against my wish for a 1m wedding.

And despite getting the big wedding she wants before consenting to marry last year, she claims she is not mentally ready and was forced into marriage.

she has repeated this over and over and its making me go crazy..in fact im tired already

Right now she wants more time to be a wife..but im beginning to feel there is a love issue here..I feel she does not love me as she always claims

Though weve settled but we dont talk as usual..we dont even want to hear from each other...

it seems i nolonger love her like i used to..And worst still, continuing with the marriage when she claims she was forced is degrading and disreputable.

My question is, at what point should anyone seriously consider a divorce?

she is in love with your money... simple but she never loved u. One thing I learned lately is to never ever date or marry a girl that when exposed to money, she becomes bolder and greedy.

Please bro, do not see this as a problem but a challenge in your marriage. You should not be thought that she was forced into the marriage, may be you can force anybody against his/her will but not woman against the marriage she doesn't want. You can still talk to her and try to reduce your bossy attitude towards her after all she's your wife not your inferior. But one thing I know is that you guys can still be one of the best couple in no time. Do not be used as a bait proof to be hook. Stay blessed.

Nailed it

femalecobra:
But in summary one thing I know
1. You are married to a lady who wants a friend and companion in a man not a bossy person. Someone who can allow her think n reason with u. You bring your idea and she brings hers and u reason together n male a logical conclusion.
Imposing yourself won’t work and that’s just the truth.
I am that type of lady too. “You can’t tell me to always DO your decision” you have to bring d logical analysis that led to ur idea...I may have mine and suggest and if after you advised and I do mine having considered both options ....I need you to respect my choice as a “human” not a compelled slave called “wife” that must do what you want” . After all, I would respect your choices so I expect you respect mine when the sometimes differ from yours.

But when I know it’s what u want that must work out, Then I feel I am dealing “with a bossy man” and I can’t stand it...hell cant...I would be miserable.
Why would I choose that for the rest of my life?
“Why would I want to choose submitting” to a man Dt “compels” submission for the rest of my life when I can choose to date a man that is a friend in a husband?

So if u wanna keep bossing ....as per I am the man!!!!...you must do as I say.....from the message I think there would be a problem....
Cus your kind woman no go gree

That cost me a relationship but I walked out of it. I cried. I loved him. But I couldn’t think of forever with a man that wants to “lord” “rule” “question my friendships or even cut my normal ties with male colleagues” simply because they are males etc on top of “marriage”. He too was in a haste like you that we married. But having seen people’s experience in life, I Was of the opinion we get to know each other....and I greatfull for that that I over stood my grounds on that.
I cried n wept but I know it’s the best choice of my life!!!

2. You love her more than she loves u. Why it’s true it’s good for a man to love a woman very well and sometimes they say even more than she loves him....you must be sure she at least has 70% of what u feel for her....else she would treat you anyhow ooo....except over time and experience she gets to see that u are a good guy and begin to value u.

3. No doubt she is quite rude. So sorry to say. Because that tone is not even one that would bring peace. Even if you are bossy to her...it’s not by her being bossy in addressing the issue that would solve it.
Her tone is not one of love....that is crying desperately for a bossy husband to stop as she can’t stand it anymore and would likely quit if he doesn’t.

How did u guys date for 5 years and not get to be friends
Or fully understand each other
Was it 5 years or 5 months?

I don’t know the solution ...what I can identify here though is the problem�

Well my solution is that if you want the marriage to work you would need to sacrifice more as it’s obvious you are the one that loves her more for you to have said the marriage be rushed.
Just ignore her rudeness, do what you are to do, play your role, Love and gentleness in most time calms a lady....our conscience tells us to act better as we get to know it’s only a man that loves us that has come so low to take our bullshit and we just get to know that we just have to treat him right over time.

But if you keep fighting same way with a loud mouthed lady...you won’t make progress...
Resentment would only just Set in deeper and deeper!!!

So the ball is in your court,
Is the marriage worth fighting for?

Guys should learn to know when a lady isn't into them... I guess one the reason for this to might be his mother pressuring him to get married also... For serious relationship, I wouldn't date a student or any girl below 26 or 27 except I'm convinced otherwise... most of them aren't mature below that age.

It is possible for your marriage to work, but you must be ready to make some compromise. Check the 6th comment on page1, by a username ''female*cobra'', her comment is very long, but it is the truth. if you apply what she said, your marriage will work out. Not all ladies like bossy men who Lord' over them, if you can make adjustments in your character the situation will be salvaged. Do not divorce.

Lol @OP, when you both are grandpa and grandma in a not too distant futurr you will laugh over this your post.

This is your first hurdle, try and surmount it. Dont mind those telling you to divorce her. You both can make it work by hearing each other out.

Hello. Please don't listen to all the people here saying your wife doesn't love you and that you should end the marriage, it is just too early to conclude like that. A lot of people hide the fact of marriage but most times, the first year of marriage is usually hell. It is a new legal settings and new rules and boundaries are been set, so it's always a bumpy ride, clashes here and there, friends, new friends, isolation from single friends, family pressure and all of that. Men are usually stable to absorb all these new changes unlike our female partners. So that's why you see your wife saying all these talk and all of that. Pls go and ask people that are married about what their wives tell them, you will be shocked. But as the man you are you have to be prepared to keep up with all the very painful rubbish your wife will tell you. That's what you have signed up for. But in the long run if you are not able to understand and know that women go crazy and 'mistalk' every now and then, then be sure to know she doesn't love you anymore and you can take the next step as the case maybe. Just my two cents.