₦airaland Forum

maasoap:
Lol. Imagine the money and time he wasted on her. Even she was a small five years ago, why would she still remain small girl after five years in a relationship?

AfroKnight:
Hybrid77, contrary to my propensity to resist the antics of any overreacting selfish entitled Nigerian woman, I would actually ask you to share the authority in the home with her.

This is wife, not girlfriend, not your staff. For some reason, I don’t think her complaints are far fetched. Listen, contribute and then decide together, especially if it affects the family as a unit. Your case shouldn’t lead to separation in my opinion.

Kekereekun123:
cos he paid her school fees and wedding he thinks he owns her lol

maasoap:
Good advice.



You're too judgemental. And you're sending wrong signal out to the those men who may want to help "wives to be" with their educational sponsorships.
Do you have any idea what the wife is complaining about? No, you don't. Even if you didn't sponsor your wife's education or anything like that, husband is still the head. So, please don't make him look or feel bad for being generous (because it's rare, very rare) towards her.

hybrid77:
Pls i need a sincere advice here.

Im 3 months old in marriage and im so unhappy about the set up (my wife too)

My wife is a student and she tried everything to shift the marriage until easter this year but i refused due to many projects for the year. so we got married 3 months ago.

I took care of her bills since she got admission and we dated for 5 years

But she is so disrespectful and want to make important decisions in marriage which ive refused to allow.

Now, she claims i forced her into marriage and she is not mentally ready because i asked her to change to my family's name.

She has been good then bad then worse..And i think her words about forcing her into marriage has irreparably hurt me.

I spent over 3m of my cash to give her the wedding she wanted (Without any support from her family) against my wish for a 1m wedding.

And despite getting the big wedding she wants before consenting to marry last year, she claims she is not mentally ready and was forced into marriage.

she has repeated this over and over and its making me go crazy..in fact im tired already

Right now she wants more time to be a wife..but im beginning to feel there is a love issue here..I feel she does not love me as she always claims

Though weve settled but we dont talk as usual..we dont even want to hear from each other...

it seems i nolonger love her like i used to..And worst still, continuing with the marriage when she claims she was forced is degrading and disreputable.

My question is, at what point should anyone seriously consider a divorce?

Petyprincess:
The truth is your wife doesn't love you no more or never loved you!! Moreover why did you forced her into marriage with you? That's where the problem started.Nw the best way is to go your separate ways since the marriage is even early nd she's already gotten fed up with you,nw that you have no kids you still can still divorce nd let her continue her single life since that's what she always wanted!! If you dnt divorce she will keep on blaming you for forcing her into marriage when she wasn't ready.Its better divorcing that getting stalked in marriage that love isnt mutual!!

manontree:
Shocking coming from you. Your views have always been a bit more balanced than this

The bossy claim has no grounds. An unproven allegation which can clearly be analysed to be false. He stated she is rude and even her parents are against her. Her messages paints a picture of a woman that disrespects her husband

This is a man that has assisted this illiterate through school. If the claim that she pushed up the wedding bill to N3m is true doesn't this show a woman that is manipulate? Doesn't it show a woman that was scheming to ensure he balks and doesn't go through the wedding on account of the high cost?? Which same bride attempts to delete her fiance's purse if she planned living with him after the wedding

If he is bossy would he have obeyed her and paid for the high cost society wedding given his low income industry as a medical professional. N3m for a wedding is still extreme for a doctor in nigeria

She has someone else and all these claims is an attempt to shake tables and bail

hybrid77:
Pls i need a sincere advice here.

Im 3 months old in marriage and im so unhappy about the set up (my wife too)

My wife is a student and she tried everything to shift the marriage until easter this year but i refused due to many projects for the year. so we got married 3 months ago.

I took care of her bills since she got admission and we dated for 5 years

But she is so disrespectful and want to make important decisions in marriage which ive refused to allow.

Now, she claims i forced her into marriage and she is not mentally ready because i asked her to change to my family's name.

She has been good then bad then worse..And i think her words about forcing her into marriage has irreparably hurt me.

I spent over 3m of my cash to give her the wedding she wanted (Without any support from her family) against my wish for a 1m wedding.

And despite getting the big wedding she wants before consenting to marry last year, she claims she is not mentally ready and was forced into marriage.

she has repeated this over and over and its making me go crazy..in fact im tired already

Right now she wants more time to be a wife..but im beginning to feel there is a love issue here..I feel she does not love me as she always claims

Though weve settled but we dont talk as usual..we dont even want to hear from each other...

it seems i nolonger love her like i used to..And worst still, continuing with the marriage when she claims she was forced is degrading and disreputable.

My question is, at what point should anyone seriously consider a divorce?

hybrid77:
Pls i need a sincere advice here.

Im 3 months old in marriage and im so unhappy about the set up (my wife too)

My wife is a student and she tried everything to shift the marriage until easter this year but i refused due to many projects for the year. so we got married 3 months ago.

I took care of her bills since she got admission and we dated for 5 years

But she is so disrespectful and want to make important decisions in marriage which ive refused to allow.

Now, she claims i forced her into marriage and she is not mentally ready because i asked her to change to my family's name.

She has been good then bad then worse..And i think her words about forcing her into marriage has irreparably hurt me.

I spent over 3m of my cash to give her the wedding she wanted (Without any support from her family) against my wish for a 1m wedding.

And despite getting the big wedding she wants before consenting to marry last year, she claims she is not mentally ready and was forced into marriage.

she has repeated this over and over and its making me go crazy..in fact im tired already

Right now she wants more time to be a wife..but im beginning to feel there is a love issue here..I feel she does not love me as she always claims

Though weve settled but we dont talk as usual..we dont even want to hear from each other...

it seems i nolonger love her like i used to..And worst still, continuing with the marriage when she claims she was forced is degrading and disreputable.

My question is, at what point should anyone seriously consider a divorce?

FairAdvocate:
Well bro, I will say that she is young and childish with her reaction to things... If she is not mentally ready, she shouldn't have consented to marrying you when you brought it up.
On your part Mister, you have to learn how to handle a woman, you need to know what she want and what she dislike...and stop reporting her to everyone. Go after her like her boyfriend and pamper her, you will surely get your wife back. She loves you anyways!

femalecobra:
But in summary one thing I know
1. You are married to a lady who wants a friend and companion in a man not a bossy person. Someone who can allow her think n reason with u. You bring your idea and she brings hers and u reason together n male a logical conclusion.
Imposing yourself won’t work and that’s just the truth.
I am that type of lady too. “You can’t tell me to always DO your decision” you have to bring d logical analysis that led to ur idea...I may have mine and suggest and if after you advised and I do mine having considered both options ....I need you to respect my choice as a “human” not a compelled slave called “wife” that must do what you want” . After all, I would respect your choices so I expect you respect mine when the sometimes differ from yours.

But when I know it’s what u want that must work out, Then I feel I am dealing “with a bossy man” and I can’t stand it...hell cant...I would be miserable.
Why would I choose that for the rest of my life?
“Why would I want to choose submitting” to a man Dt “compels” submission for the rest of my life when I can choose to date a man that is a friend in a husband?

So if u wanna keep bossing ....as per I am the man!!!!...you must do as I say.....from the message I think there would be a problem....
Cus your kind woman no go gree

That cost me a relationship but I walked out of it. I cried. I loved him. But I couldn’t think of forever with a man that wants to “lord” “rule” “question my friendships or even cut my normal ties with male colleagues” simply because they are males etc on top of “marriage”. He too was in a haste like you that we married. But having seen people’s experience in life, I Was of the opinion we get to know each other....and I greatfull for that that I over stood my grounds on that.
I cried n wept but I know it’s the best choice of my life!!!

2. You love her more than she loves u. Why it’s true it’s good for a man to love a woman very well and sometimes they say even more than she loves him....you must be sure she at least has 70% of what u feel for her....else she would treat you anyhow ooo....except over time and experience she gets to see that u are a good guy and begin to value u.

3. No doubt she is quite rude. So sorry to say. Because that tone is not even one that would bring peace. Even if you are bossy to her...it’s not by her being bossy in addressing the issue that would solve it.
Her tone is not one of love....that is crying desperately for a bossy husband to stop as she can’t stand it anymore and would likely quit if he doesn’t.

How did u guys date for 5 years and not get to be friends
Or fully understand each other
Was it 5 years or 5 months?

I don’t know the solution ...what I can identify here though is the problem�

Well my solution is that if you want the marriage to work you would need to sacrifice more as it’s obvious you are the one that loves her more for you to have said the marriage be rushed.
Just ignore her rudeness, do what you are to do, play your role, Love and gentleness in most time calms a lady....our conscience tells us to act better as we get to know it’s only a man that loves us that has come so low to take our bullshit and we just get to know that we just have to treat him right over time.

But if you keep fighting same way with a loud mouthed lady...you won’t make progress...
Resentment would only just Set in deeper and deeper!!!

So the ball is in your court,
Is the marriage worth fighting for?

PatriotTemidayo:
Sorry to say this but a woman that typed this kind of epistle even when her marriage is drowning prematurely is a kid. She's a toddler, she's not matured to have a relationship talk less of being a wife.

If she could talk about her family, especially her mum in a derogatory manner, my brother, carry your load of guilt early and bif her farewell.

Three things are obvious:
1. She has always been a deceiver, only wanting to survive on you
2. She's an extreme narcissist with chronic heartlessness
3. She has someone else sleeping with her, whom she love more than you and she listen to sheepishly cuz I can tell you she's acting out what she was instructed to do.

Here's a last piece of advice, that girl will give you Heart attack if you don't leave her. If she decided to change today, it is because of what she wants or need, the moment she gets it, she'd become her disrespectful and mean self again.

If she has access to your money, cut her off. Every financial benefits she gets from you, cut it off. You will see how she'll become humble suddenly cuz that's her priority.

Shugavee:
I love the fact u posted her messages ,, gives us a better scope of whats going on.

She’s not a bad person or wife,, she just feel trapped , n my dear u caused it ,, give her the freedom to express herself .. this world is evolving , women wanna feel important, women wanna make their own money and women wanna make vital decisions in their home.. give her some space ,, allow her breath ,, she’s shocked up with ur bossy attitude that’s why she’s saying hurtful stuff n that’s normal for women ,, our mouth r deadly weapons. Be strong !! Be a man !!! Divorce is not an option.. this is a matter of talking n hving a common ground on how the home will work peacefully.. leave I am a man out of this.. u didn’t marry a desperate girl !! U married a lady that had so much dreams ,, don’t trap her..

hybrid77:
Im a medical doctor

Kekereekun123:
no man i repeat no man should sponsor a lady through school. It is wrong and its her fathers duty. If he cant afford it. Let her go learn handwork. It creates at atmosphere of doom. Because the guy will feel like a lord over her while she will resent after a while. Marriage is.not.slavery. if she was not ready why force her

maasoap:
Two separate issues. How can you say that the man is feeling like he owns the woman just because he helped her through the school when the wife clearly stated that she forced into the marriage, that she wasn't ready?
Did the problem arise because the lady wasn't ready for marriage as she clearly admitted? Or was the problem arise because the man is acting like he owns her even there is no evidence that proves that?

Shugavee:
lol like it or not,, our weapon is our mouth !! If u not ready to get used to that fact ,, just know u are not ready to hv a woman under ur roof!!

Kekereekun123:
the problem is the guy, she say she no wan marry now. you say na by force.

safarigirl:
they cannot divorce.

They will manage marriage for a minimum of two years before they can approach any court for a divorce. At most, they can separate for now

I keep telling you people, go and ask Ubi Franklin and Lilian Esoro why they have not been divorced. Una think say an so e easy reach?

OP is a grand fool and should suffer for it.

Ramos16:
That's bullshit, how do you force someone into marriage

AshiraWealthy:
They need to sit down and discuss a lot. 3ml is not a meager amount. 5 years of leading the man on is not a joke.
So he should ask certain questions like why she let him waste all that time and money despite knowing her heart is not with him. Or find out if he's the one causing the problem and needs to step things down a bit. Like the bossy attitude she complained about.

Lovelyeyeballs:
Dont listen to all the advice telling you to divorce her or that she does not love you.

From the screenshot of her message that you posted I can confidently tell you that she loves you and she is intelligent and smart too. You didnt marry a bad woman.

Try to listen to her and understand her grudges. She wants a friend and a partner and not a boss. Be her friend. Tell her about what you want to do and honestly seek her opinion. Tell her divorce is out of the equation and you genuinely want this marriage to work. Assure her of your love for her.

Start by calmly telling her what you liked about her and what attracted you to her. Ask her what she likes about you. Ask her what she doesn't like about you and tell her you will work on it.

If you want to enjoy your marriage you need to adopt the partnership style and not the lord, master relationship. Forget submission for now. A woman will willingly submit to a man who makes her feel loved and valued so if you find yourself asking for submission from your spouse then you are not doing something right.

She doesn't need to change to your family name. It's her name and she solely can decide to do what she likes with it. You just married her.You didnt buy her. Give her space to take decisions about herself and reason things with her if you want her to adopt your stand

She will be a good mother to your children. Atleast your children will not be dullard or push over. Support her to continue to be the strong woman that she is and she will worship you.

You can calmly tell her how much you hate her telling you that you forced her to marry you and how you guys should stop saying hurtful things to each other. If you are good to a woman,a woman will never abandon. You married a good woman. Dont let anyone tell you otherwise. Fight for your marriage.

AshiraWealthy:
Hmmm...
You tot she loved you while she was only using you to aquire her education, and you being deceived decided to take it to next level even when that was not her mission (get married to you).
Who knows, prolly she has seen someone she plans to get married to after using you to complete her education. reason she was postponing the wedding.

Sit her down and ask her to tell you the truth if she has someone else, that you'll let her go if she wants. Then hear what she has to say cos whether you like it or not, both of you have lost interest and things might not be the same. So its better to ask, let everyone know their stand.

Makeuplocus:
What if she right?
What if you forced her to tie the not when she isn't ready
Many of us are in relationships but not ready to actually seal the deal like getting married

I feel you should sit her down and y'all should have a heart to heart talk
Ask her what she truly wants
If she wants space, please kindly give it to her!

Don't let anyone guilt you with the statement you forced her to get married!