Mmm

qtx:

That is what happens when some people always feel their lives will end if they do not marry a particular girl they consider waooo she is just too beautiful, young and may be taken by someone else especially now that she has admission let me do everything possible to make sure she is mine and then they begin to blow cash around to impress her and her family. Really unfortunate. You mean you courted for 5 solid years and you are just realising who the girl actually is? What manner of man are you? If you are a true Christian then no divorce o you don enter am u don enter.. why would you be with someone for five years and still don't know who she is or how she takes you until after you get married to the person. She was actually compelled by you and her family to get married to you. She preferred to keep you as a sponsor than husband. She is frustrated right now. I will return with suggestions tomorrow BC for now am feeling sleepy

/
Everyone spends a lot of money planning for wedding but nobody spares a moment to plan for marriage.

OP: Your case is the norm in this make-believe era of social media. Welcome to reality101.

Her love for you is dead and buried. The more you remain in this union, the closer you walk to the grave. It is inevitable.
\

Did you steal the 3M?

Why is it so hard for u to understand that she is not an investment?

So you don't have other girls crazy about you?

How would you feel is she was your sister,being forced into marriage like a 13 yr old Hausa girl?

Are u that dumb?

You better wake the fuc.k up b4 u damage your mental health.

PULL OUT THEN Take a stand & work on the only thing you can control. ...YOURSELF!

I am not of d opinion u let her go,firstly consider her age at d onset of marriage ,ladies within ds age bracket (18-26) will always act dat way. Shes still within d bracket of youthful exuberance,she feels live revolves around her and she can do anything she pleases,the thought of having to bend to the rules and satisfying d desires of someonene is frustrating.secondly u r from different backgrounds ,I wont lie to u if I tell u wont face this turbulent times especially with such statements for lyk 2yrs,u will v misunderstanding until maturity sets in on her own side. Thirdly ,try not to be to rigid in ur decisions,allow her face sometimes the consequence of her action from dere she would learn.*she still much interested in you that's y she told her sister to stay away from her marriage,only if u understand d way some women are wired all dese na initial gra gra,exercise patience,try give her space and u will see her drooling for u

hybrid77:
Pls i need a sincere advice here.

Im 3 months old in marriage and im so unhappy about the set up (my wife too)

My wife is a student and she tried everything to shift the marriage until easter this year but i refused due to many projects for the year. so we got married 3 months ago.

I took care of her bills since she got admission and we dated for 5 years

But she is so disrespectful and want to make important decisions in marriage which ive refused to allow.

Now, she claims i forced her into marriage and she is not mentally ready because i asked her to change to my family's name.

She has been good then bad then worse..And i think her words about forcing her into marriage has irreparably hurt me.

I spent over 3m of my cash to give her the wedding she wanted (Without any support from her family) against my wish for a 1m wedding.

And despite getting the big wedding she wants before consenting to marry last year, she claims she is not mentally ready and was forced into marriage.

she has repeated this over and over and its making me go crazy..in fact im tired already

Right now she wants more time to be a wife..but im beginning to feel there is a love issue here..I feel she does not love me as she always claims

Though weve settled but we dont talk as usual..we dont even want to hear from each other...

it seems i nolonger love her like i used to..And worst still, continuing with the marriage when she claims she was forced is degrading and disreputable.

My question is, at what point should anyone seriously consider a divorce?

DiVORce

DiVORce

DiVORce

DiVORce

Pls can you give me her number for me to call her and advice her?

The only solution u get na to divorce.
Officially separate from her.
The ultimate aim for life na to make ya sef happy.
Anything wey go be cog in the wheel of
ya progress to make you,make you surgically remove am ASAP.
Nor send society say dem go laf you oo.
Society go laf wella when you nor happy.
Apply the m.m r you go dey fine wella.

Brother let her go to her daddy's house, her eye go soon clear.
We women are like that, you pple are still finding ur way in this early marriage, disagreements will come in.
I say again if you send her packing her head go clear.
Goodluck

hybrid77:
Pls i need a sincere advice here.

Im 3 months old in marriage and im so unhappy about the set up (my wife too)

My wife is a student and she tried everything to shift the marriage until easter this year but i refused due to many projects for the year. so we got married 3 months ago.

I took care of her bills since she got admission and we dated for 5 years

But she is so disrespectful and want to make important decisions in marriage which ive refused to allow.

Now, she claims i forced her into marriage and she is not mentally ready because i asked her to change to my family's name.

She has been good then bad then worse..And i think her words about forcing her into marriage has irreparably hurt me.

I spent over 3m of my cash to give her the wedding she wanted (Without any support from her family) against my wish for a 1m wedding.

And despite getting the big wedding she wants before consenting to marry last year, she claims she is not mentally ready and was forced into marriage.

she has repeated this over and over and its making me go crazy..in fact im tired already

Right now she wants more time to be a wife..but im beginning to feel there is a love issue here..I feel she does not love me as she always claims

Though weve settled but we dont talk as usual..we dont even want to hear from each other...

it seems i nolonger love her like i used to..And worst still, continuing with the marriage when she claims she was forced is degrading and disreputable.

My question is, at what point should anyone seriously consider a divorce?

my brother women tell lot of lies, once de are tired wit a relationship, u may not have forced or hurry her, but maybe her little brain is inventing stories and she is trying to stick to them. just let her be. count ur loses n move on... I suggest u give her one last nice fu*k at night den u either send her packing the next morning or u move out the next morning... severe any financial benefit she gets from u n cease accepting sexual favours from her... it's only a pity u didn't get a child out of d union.

anyways count ur loses n move on... her brain isn't matured enough to cope with marriage. I broke up wit my 21yr old girl last week, I hate complains n nuisances...

abluck:

Disappear before The D-DAY & don't marry me.

Well, if you ask me I will tell you all your answers are in that text message she sent. Make her feel like she's part of the family and not someone you own(being bossy), unless when necessary, avoid third party interference in your marriage and always give her that space when she demand it. I think what you both need right now is a break not a divorce. You can't tell me you don't have feelings for someone you dated for 5years oga. Shae na movie una act all along nae.

Hastalavista bro.
over 3 millions for marriage of her choice yet not satisfied to see you as husband?
after 5 years of dating?
this are set of girls who later regret in the future.

Tonyfx:
To be honest with you, you are the one at fault from your write up and the screenshots.
First marriage nor be house when you go rush enter because you don dey build an for 5years, if you rush enter marriage you go rush commot from am.
Secondly marriage is a lifetime journey and so it requires alot of patience and understanding between both parties. Your wife told you she wasn't mentally ready but you didn't want to see things from her point of view. Nor be so Bros (it takes two to tangle).
As for the decision part remember say na your life partner even as Dangote get money reach he cannot make any decisions about his own company without the agreement of his partners which are his board of directors. See things from her point of view and let her see from yours then both of you should come to a peaceful conclusion. The marriage too early for quarrel na.
As for divorce I won't support that instead why not give her time to adjust and be in the right frame of mind. Things will definitely workout because she isn't asking for a divorce.
Give her time and try to be supportive of her. I hope you will find something useful here.

Well, quarrel is usually common at the early marriage life except that his wife wasn't really mentally ready. She looks like someone who wants to get out.

I think both of you shouls speak to either of these people. Research tem and see who fits your needs the most.

1.Marriage Matters International - https://www.marriagematters.com.ng/ - If you want to go to a usual counseling set-up with professionals.
2. Temple's Counsel -https://templeobike.com - if you and your spouse want to speak to a licensed and experienced individual counselor and psychotherapist.
3. Psych NG - http://www.psychng.com/appointment-schedule - If you want to get psychoanalysis with your spouse.
Any of them will work for you.

Emperorx:
Pls visit a marriage counselor to get help pls don't just end it up it is too early [ quote author=hybrid77 post=86302267]Pls i need a sincere advice here.

Im 3 months old in marriage and im so unhappy about the set up (my wife too)

My wife is a student and she tried everything to shift the marriage until easter this year but i refused due to many projects for the year. so we got married 3 months ago.

I took care of her bills since she got admission and we dated for 5 years

But she is so disrespectful and want to make important decisions in marriage which ive refused to allow.

Now, she claims i forced her into marriage and she is not mentally ready because i asked her to change to my family's name.

She has been good then bad then worse..And i think her words about forcing her into marriage has irreparably hurt me.

I spent over 3m of my cash to give her the wedding she wanted (Without any support from her family) against my wish for a 1m wedding.

And despite getting the big wedding she wants before consenting to marry last year, she claims she is not mentally ready and was forced into marriage.

she has repeated this over and over and its making me go crazy..in fact im tired already

Right now she wants more time to be a wife..but im beginning to feel there is a love issue here..I feel she does not love me as she always claims

Though weve settled but we dont talk as usual..we dont even want to hear from each other...

it seems i nolonger love her like i used to..And worst still, continuing with the marriage when she claims she was forced is degrading and disreputable.

My question is, at what point should anyone seriously consider a divorce?

I think both of you should speak to either of these people. Research them and see who fits your needs the most.

1.Marriage Matters International - https://www.marriagematters.com.ng/ - If you want to go to a usual counseling set-up with professionals.
2. Temple's Counsel -https://templeobike.com - if you and your spouse want to speak to a licensed and experienced individual counselor and psychotherapist.
3. Psych NG - http://www.psychng.com/appointment-schedule - If you want to get psychoanalysis with your spouse.
Any of them will work for you.

Emperorx:
Pls visit a marriage counselor to get help pls don't just end it up it is too early [ quote author=hybrid77 post=86302267]Pls i need a sincere advice here.

Im 3 months old in marriage and im so unhappy about the set up (my wife too)

My wife is a student and she tried everything to shift the marriage until easter this year but i refused due to many projects for the year. so we got married 3 months ago.

I took care of her bills since she got admission and we dated for 5 years

But she is so disrespectful and want to make important decisions in marriage which ive refused to allow.

Now, she claims i forced her into marriage and she is not mentally ready because i asked her to change to my family's name.

She has been good then bad then worse..And i think her words about forcing her into marriage has irreparably hurt me.

I spent over 3m of my cash to give her the wedding she wanted (Without any support from her family) against my wish for a 1m wedding.

And despite getting the big wedding she wants before consenting to marry last year, she claims she is not mentally ready and was forced into marriage.

she has repeated this over and over and its making me go crazy..in fact im tired already

Right now she wants more time to be a wife..but im beginning to feel there is a love issue here..I feel she does not love me as she always claims

Though weve settled but we dont talk as usual..we dont even want to hear from each other...

it seems i nolonger love her like i used to..And worst still, continuing with the marriage when she claims she was forced is degrading and disreputable.

My question is, at what point should anyone seriously consider a divorce?

qtx:

That is what happens when some people always feel their lives will end if they do not marry a particular girl they consider waooo she is just too beautiful, young and may be taken by someone else especially now that she has admission let me do everything possible to make sure she is mine and then they begin to blow cash around to impress her and her family. Really unfortunate. You mean you courted for 5 solid years and you are just realising who the girl actually is? What manner of man are you? If you are a true Christian then no divorce o you don enter am u don enter.. why would you be with someone for five years and still don't know who she is or how she takes you until after you get married to the person. She was actually compelled by you and her family to get married to you. She preferred to keep you as a sponsor than husband. She is frustrated right now. I will return with suggestions tomorrow BC for now am feeling sleepy

Why this mentality among Nigerians? Why this belief or mindset among Nigerian Christians? Why?
I'm not saying divorce should be their first option or the only choice as misunderstanding and quarrel usually marks the beginning of most marriages because couples are still trying to integrate. But if a marriage is not working after trying everything, divorce is better than letting the wife kill her husband and she in turn get death sentence or vice versa.
Whether Christians or Muslims, divorce is better than death by murdering my friend. Divorce could be a solution, death is not.

cococandy:
Your marriage won’t work until you drop the boss mentality a[/b]nd treat her like your partner.
You won’t “allow” her make decisions in your marriage. You insisted the wedding be at your own time instead of coming to a compromise.


In my opinion, [b]you are the primary problem and your next marriage if you divorce from this one is likely to have issues too.

Shocking coming from you. Your views have always been a bit more balanced than this

The bossy claim has no grounds. An unproven allegation which can clearly be analysed to be false. He stated she is rude and even her parents are against her. Her messages paints a picture of a woman that disrespects her husband

This is a man that has assisted this illiterate through school. If the claim that she pushed up the wedding bill to N3m is true doesn't this show a woman that is manipulate? Doesn't it show a woman that was scheming to ensure he balks and doesn't go through the wedding on account of the high cost?? Which same bride attempts to delete her fiance's purse if she planned living with him after the wedding

If he is bossy would he have obeyed her and paid for the high cost society wedding given his low income industry as a medical professional. N3m for a wedding is still extreme for a doctor in nigeria

She has someone else and all these claims is an attempt to shake tables and bail

My brother, I really feel bad for them if only people can understand the concept of marriage all this unnecessary drama wouldn't be happening.

maasoap:


Well, quarrel is usually common at the early marriage life except that his wife wasn't really mentally ready. She looks like someone who wants to get out.

Why do think I know her( Mfon obong)

Temptee101:


3 month old marriage? Just Imagine!

Stories like this and what I see in marriage these days makes marriage scare the shiit outta me.

Spits [/b]

Marry your soul mate, you will never regret. The best thing that has ever happened to me is my marriage. May be people whose marriages are working should start posting here too so that the singles wouldn't be thinking that all marriages out there are like this.

hybrid77:



Im a medical doctor

There are a lot of marriage-ready ladies looking for a life companion to settle down with, why did you settle for one who isn't ready?

You have to give her time, she's right. Many of her peers in school are likely not married, give her time.

AshiraWealthy:
Hmmm...
You tot she loved you while she was only using you to aquire her education, and you being deceived decided to take it to next level even when that was not her mission (get married to you).
Who knows, prolly she has seen someone she plans to get married to after using you to complete her education. reason she was postponing the wedding.

Sit her down and ask her to tell you the truth if she has someone else, that you'll let her go if she wants. Then hear what she has to say cos whether you like it or not, both of you have lost interest and things might not be the same. So its better to ask, let everyone know their stand.

The bolded is very valid.
Many young ladies nowadays use love to manipulate young economically bouyant guys to obtain what they want and then come up with drama to push the ignorant guy away ones they got what they wanted.
This guy has been fooled and he went blow N3m for a scam lover...

CsRockefeller:


Rubbish!! Gibberish!! An inexcusable attitude for display of bad behaviour.

God didn't create a monster, I refuse to believe this narrative.

Any woman who tries that in my house should be ready to leave. Imagine the excuse for terrible behaviour!!

lol like it or not,, our weapon is our mouth !! If u not ready to get used to that fact ,, just know u are not ready to hv a woman under ur roof!!

If it is easy for her to divorce after 3months, why not stop the marriage before it happened?

I don't blame the guy that much, she should stand on her ground if she is not ready ,instead of allowing him to spend N3m for marriage and 3 months time you can comfortably say its not possible anymore,.....

This is someone who took care of her during her education, why not ask the guy to stop taking care of her education, why not say she is not ready for the guy to pay her bills during school days, why not stop the guy from throwing money on her, or she thinks he's running a charity?

I saw in his write up where he said he has project to take care of thereby, marriage should not be a distraction, same reason I got married early January,.... Guy I would advice u both come to an agreement whether to divorce or not, this time don't force her, if she wants divorce, let her go, the money spent is the only thing that waste and u can recover more than that.....


Thanks

Peemonny:
Oga it's all your fault, some mumu NL will be saying she doesn't love you, if she doesn't she will not date you for 5 years, you have too much ego, it's Ur choice to spend that much on a wedding to prove to her you are capable and a Boss, calm down reason with her things must not always be done in ur own way, u are just putting her under unnecessary stress, her reaction is a product of your actions

She had no choice because my man was the one paying her tuition fee and and all other fees. Lol. May be you missed that part.

fastjett:
You have invested enough to just let go, try to be calm, patience with her, just do as if nothing has happened and give her some space. Don't call or text her often, give her reason to be wondering about your next move, if she is getting the attention from you she will begin to feel jealous about you,maybe you have someone new that is why you are no longer checking on her that uncertainty will try to bring her back to her senses. Don't give up on her just so soon. From what she said her family is not on her side so they will be doing the background talking on your behalf.
Stop further qaurrel with her otherwise things will get out of hand. Love conquers all.

No amount of money, efforts and/or time is worth getting murdered or becoming hypertensive for. If it should come to worst, Op should count his losses and move on. It has happened to some men before him and they survived, they eventually married human beings

Well from the look of things you bribe the mother because that’s what those mother like or most of them a man who can give them money as IN-LAW she see say you get money and she pressure her daughter to marry you. The girl know perfectly well that you given her mother money and buy things for her i said and I quote the girl your wife is still want to consider or see the reason to love or marry you but she never see but because of the pressures she accept.
My advice now don’t divorce her she has plan if you divorce her she go happy self just give her time make she land finish. She get another guy wey she like but the guy never get money to marry her. Don’t take back your bride price she can never marry another man. If worse come to worse marry another woman in our tradition a man can marry more than one her eye go clear with that her bad mother she don’t care about the happiness of her daughter but money.

ITbomb:
I stand with your wife

From the screenshot, it seems sponsoring her education has given you some undue entitlement to have your way every time

Your wife seems open to discussion but you are Buhari, only your word stands

Taking your marriage matters to third-party instead of listening to your wife means you don't respect her

Yes, it seems respecting your wife or letting her have her way sometimes is alien to you

Easier said than done. The fact that she's singing that she was forced into marriage has defeated every other logic to blame the husband.
You guys should fear God before putting the blame on the op. How many of you can even do what he did, how many of you can endure sponsoring someone's daughter through higher institutions in the name of "my future wife". He devoted not only his money but also his time. He wasted too much fvcking time on her, he deserves better than this from her.

And you guys would always make it look like getting a third party involved is a mistake. No, it is not. Third party involvements have saved many marriages.

Kekereekun123:
You are at fault here. You forced the poor girl into what she was not ready for. Stop dating small girls or students dem no go hear. Weak silly men

Lol. Imagine the money and time he wasted on her. Even if she was a small girl five years ago, why would she still remain small girl after five years in a relationship?

alphaNomega:


After reading the screenshots from B, I have arrived at the following:

1. This woman does not love you as much as you think she does (if at all)

2. There are lots of other guys out there that are willing to marry her even if you divorce as you're reading this, so she does not mind loosing you. To hell with the marriage!

3. You were too desperate to get married, shebi the other guy(s) "dragging" wife with you don comot hand? Can you now see how life is not all about marriage?

4. You have very poor experience with women.

That's it. Zero experience! Look at where he finds himself now. Local boy.

femalecobra:
But in summary one thing I know
1. You are married to a lady who wants a friend and companion in a man not a bossy person. Someone who can allow her think n reason with u. You bring your idea and she brings hers and u reason together n male a logical conclusion.
Imposing yourself won’t work and that’s just the truth.
I am that type of lady too. “You can’t tell me to always DO your decision” you have to bring d logical analysis that led to ur idea...I may have mine and suggest and if after you advised and I do mine having considered both options ....I need you to respect my choice as a “human” not a compelled slave called “wife” that must do what you want” . After all, I would respect your choices so I expect you respect mine when the sometimes differ from yours.

But when I know it’s what u want that must work out, Then I feel I am dealing “with a bossy man” and I can’t stand it...hell cant...I would be miserable.
Why would I choose that for the rest of my life?
“Why would I want to choose submitting” to a man Dt “compels” submission for the rest of my life when I can choose to date a man that is a friend in a husband?

So if u wanna keep bossing ....as per I am the man!!!!...you must do as I say.....from the message I think there would be a problem....
Cus your kind woman no go gree

That cost me a relationship but I walked out of it. I cried. I loved him. But I couldn’t think of forever with a man that wants to “lord” “rule” “question my friendships or even cut my normal ties with male colleagues” simply because they are males etc on top of “marriage”. He too was in a haste like you that we married. But having seen people’s experience in life, I Was of the opinion we get to know each other....and I greatfull for that that I over stood my grounds on that.
I cried n wept but I know it’s the best choice of my life!!!

2. You love her more than she loves u. Why it’s true it’s good for a man to love a woman very well and sometimes they say even more than she loves him....you must be sure she at least has 70% of what u feel for her....else she would treat you anyhow ooo....except over time and experience she gets to see that u are a good guy and begin to value u.

3. No doubt she is quite rude. So sorry to say. Because that tone is not even one that would bring peace. Even if you are bossy to her...it’s not by her being bossy in addressing the issue that would solve it.
Her tone is not one of love....that is crying desperately for a bossy husband to stop as she can’t stand it anymore and would likely quit if he doesn’t.

How did u guys date for 5 years and not get to be friends
Or fully understand each other
Was it 5 years or 5 months?

I don’t know the solution ...what I can identify here though is the problem�

Well my solution is that if you want the marriage to work you would need to sacrifice more as it’s obvious you are the one that loves her more for you to have said the marriage be rushed.
Just ignore her rudeness, do what you are to do, play your role, Love and gentleness in most time calms a lady....our conscience tells us to act better as we get to know it’s only a man that loves us that has come so low to take our bullshit and we just get to know that we just have to treat him right over time.

But if you keep fighting same way with a loud mouthed lady...you won’t make progress...
Resentment would only just Set in deeper and deeper!!!

So the ball is in your court,
Is the marriage worth fighting for?

You’ve said it all madam
As for being bossy, that trait has always been there, just that the lady was pretending for the sake of her education.
So OP your woman has told u wat she wants her man to be like, so to say your marriage can still work if only u can work on the things she need u to correct abt yourself. It’s only gonna take time.
Thanks

Ishilove:

Oga, you are at fault here. You seem like someone who likes getting his way. She wasn't ready and she told you from the outset, but you sha wanted it your way. From that screenshot what I can deduce is a young lady who still wants to explore her youth. I can bet she is in her early twenties, 25 at the most. That lady is not ready to be submissive yet, and she is rather heady and opinionated.

Guy, na you fvck up.

Five years in courtship. What has she been doing in between? Lol. If a lady who has been in a single stable relationship for five years is not ready but still want to EXPLORE, I wonder when she's going to be ready and what is actually left for her to explore.
The truth is that some people don't know what they really want and some don't know when to quit at all.

A divorce is rather hasty. A trial separation is what you two need to get your priorities right. She needs space so GIVE HER THAT SPACE. If she comes back, all well and good. If she doesn't, take it as one of life's experiences.

Separation just three months into the marriage?
Space just three months into the marriage after five years of courtship?
If she comes back, all well and good, really? Why must everything be about her? It has been about her since five years ago, through the school, marriage ceremony spending was still about her. Now, she deserves separation and space to roam the South, East, North and West and then comes back to settle down with the mumu husband. That's even if she wishes. You're funny man.