nahzyla:


Later they will say women are the emotional illogical ones.

If you have a daughter in future please marry her off to a mind reading man who makes decisions without hearing her own side of issues first, after all he will know what is in her mind because he lives with her.

.. If my daughter misbeves in her husband's house,then let her bear the consequences of her actions.

nahzyla:

Even you cannot bring it the place I advocated for no live-in visitors.
You are the confused one.

.Ok. Carry cup. You win

But these same women don't have any problems with housing relatives as extended-stay househelps.

TheArchangel:
Successful marriages
Hilarious. You should've said you have a more potent cage system for your women

Potent cage system? Hahahaha. I can see hatred/fear for north all over your comment.
I know you've always dreamed of coming here, possibly marrying from this place.
I will ensure you have the best time of your life when you come lol.
And hey, I have someone perfect enough for you, you interested, just whistle.

PS: I just went through your profile and discovered you're living in Abuja. Is Abuja not middle belt?

Meanwhile, where do you stay in Abuja sef?

crackkhaus:
But these same women don't have any problems with housing relatives as extended-stay househelps.

..You dey mind them? What they can't take is what they don't see any problem in giving.

crackkhaus:

Lol, I wonder what even made the latter one deactivate. She don tire to talk about Germany finally

The only thing that pained me about Mindfulness is that we never got to see a picture of her.

Who knows why she deactivated. Her husband could have caught her receiving untoward DMs from hörny nairalanders. This forum has a wild underbelly

Belafonte:


The only thing that pained me about Mindfulness is that we never got to see a picture of her.

Who knows why she deactivated. Her husband could have caught her receiving untoward DMs from hörny nairalanders. This forum has a wild underbelly

Lol, you are definitely an oldie. This is not your first handle here

With the comments I read here, it is safe to say that marriages these days are definitely not the joining of two people to become one, it is a breeding arrangement and a long lasting safe sex, that is for those that won't cheat on their partner.

JONNYSPUTE:
..You dey mind them? What they can't take is what they don't see any problem in giving.

Let husband just mention to any of these women here, darling I can see you're working too hard and you need help, I'm going to invite my younger sister/cousin to come live with us so she can assist you with the chores, kids, and market runs.

They will rush to go clean the room and even change bedsheet in anticipation of their in-law's arrival. They will have no problems with this one staying for as long as she likes.
Two shall become one with no extended family around, does not apply again.

crackkhaus:

Let husband just mention to any of these women here, darling I can see you're working too hard and you need help, I'm going to invite my younger sister/cousin to come live with us so she can assist you with the chores, kids, and market runs.

They will rush to go clean the room and even change bedsheet in anticipation of their in-law's arrival. They will have no problems with this one staying for as long as she likes.
Two shall become one with no extended family around, does not apply again.

. Yes nah since nah slave dem warn turn am to. But will there be peace after sometimes?

If he or she does something and you don't act wickedly towards his or her actions,na another talk go come out like,is because he/ she is your relative that's why you acting soft.

When my wife requested for a house help from me,I told her it's either she brings the person by herself or go employ a person I will be paying for her services at the end of the month.

I can't come kill myself for marriage matter na wisdom I dey use follow dem.

Lol, I just came across this topic:

https://www.nairaland.com/5673883/fiancee-stopped-picking-calls-please

See Vyolet and PrimadonnaO type there.... does not want to pay for her own wedding dress but tomorrow, she sef will be forming independent minded contrarian alcoholic woman who does not want any husband's relative in her house.

JONNYSPUTE:
. Yes nah since nah slave dem warn turn am to. But will there be peace after sometimes?

If he or she does something and you don't act wickedly towards his or her actions,na another talk go come out like,is because he/ she is your relative that's why you acting soft.

When my wife requested for a house help from me,I told her it's either she brings the person by herself or go employ a person I will be paying for her services at the end of the month.

I can't come kill myself for marriage matter na wisdom I dey use follow dem.

You know dem finish, bro

Belafonte:


Well, if I’m not discerning enough, perhaps it is wise for me to place my trust in those who have proven trustworthy, is it not? Meanwhile, millions of divorced people could have sworn with their souls they chose the best person; time proved them wrong.

People don’t know what to expect because history and statistics have shown that most people lie and these lies are only discovered down the line. Most people today, really do not want to get married but they do because they want children or they listen to society.

@Bold:

And relatives do not change or harm one another?

Or people who lie and cheat as spouses suddenly translate to saints as relatives? We don't have cases of siblings scheming to kill themselves or siphoning individual properties?

What of parents harming their kids and vice versa?

BTW: I am not saying all relationships are evil.

crackkhaus:

Lol, you are definitely an oldie. This is not your first handle here

Oh, definitely. I’m sure you know me well

bukatyne:


@Bold:

And relatives do not change or harm one another?

Or people who lie and cheat as spouses suddenly translate to saints as relatives? We don't have cases of siblings scheming to kill themselves or siphoning individual properties?

What of parents harming their kids and vice versa?

BTW: I am not saying all relationships are evil.

What is the proportion of bad spouses to bad siblings? Anybody can f*ck you up at anytime, but a spouse is statistically more likely to f*ck you up than a sibling.

And as a betting man, I go with the stats. Even if I fail, I accept that it was inevitable having satisfied the statistical requirements

crackkhaus:
Lol, I just came across this topic:

https://www.nairaland.com/5673883/fiancee-stopped-picking-calls-please

See Vyolet and PrimadonnaO type there.... does not want to pay for her own wedding dress but tomorrow, she sef will be forming independent minded contrarian alcoholic woman who does not want any husband's relative in her house.

Have you seen my exchange with Ishilove on that thread?

I don't have any problem with anyone, so long you don't give me headache, burden or over stay your welcome.
Btw, I'm a private person and won't be needing much crowd in my home.

JONNYSPUTE:
. Yes nah since nah slave dem warn turn am to. But will there be peace after sometimes?

If he or she does something and you don't act wickedly towards his or her actions,na another talk go come out like,is because he/ she is your relative that's why you acting soft.

When my wife requested for a house help from me,I told her it's either she brings the person by herself or go employ a person I will be paying for her services at the end of the month.

I can't come kill myself for marriage matter na wisdom I dey use follow dem.

.
You are talking from experience

No serious woman brings an in-law as a help

crackkhaus:
Lol, I just came across this topic:

https://www.nairaland.com/5673883/fiancee-stopped-picking-calls-please

See Vyolet and type there.... does not want to pay for her own wedding dress but tomorrow, she sef will be forming independent minded contrarian alcoholic woman who does not want any husband's relative in her house.

Go back to my comment and read my opinion on couples and relatives and stop writing nonsense here.

I honestly don't get why the independent minded thing got to you this bad. Is there something you are not saying? Oh, like I mentioned earlier, you ain't ready.

crackkhaus:
Lol, I just came across this topic:

https://www.nairaland.com/5673883/fiancee-stopped-picking-calls-please

See Vyolet and PrimadonnaO type there.... does not want to pay for her own wedding dress but tomorrow, she sef will be forming independent minded contrarian alcoholic woman who does not want any husband's relative in her house.

LOOL! Okay now, you want to start calling me out every goddamn time?

Let me just be frank. My orientation about these things are quite different. I'm no longer sure what feminism is, so I don't identify as one. I champion equal social and economic rights (if Peter and I are on the same level at work, pay us the same amount of money, don't tell me to keep quiet in a gathering because it's men who are talking, or to relegate my prefered seat ina vehicle because the contender is a man) for both male and female, but even then I don't believe men and women are the same in all ways, and suited for everything...plus I don't believe that kind of ideology should be the norm in a HOME, it distorts the Christian teachings I live by. What I want from my husband is respect me, love me, be understanding, caring and considerate.

I will not marry a man like OP Sylvester. Lol. Why the hell are you dropping a 50% bill on my laps? Just go and marry yourself already. To begin with, I'm not even a wedding person at all. I don't attend... neither do I look forward to having one. Y'all erroneously think it's all ladies who are crazy about weddings. The men are, too! They want their bragging rights. So at the very point we're getting married, if it comes to a wedding, you already know I'm having a wedding just to make you happy... and for both our sakes, we must work within a specific budget, not some extravagant nonsense. But don't drop bills on my laps. There's nothing sweet about that. I'll contribute where I deem necessary, but don't impose it on me.
What I earn is to support the home and assist him, ... to step in as an interim primary provider should there be tough times, not to be splitting bills 50/50 every step of the way

nahzyla:


Lol@ it's paining me. When I told him he was dictatorial he started arguing. A good marriage is built on communication and mutual respect for each other feelings, not one sided decisions.

Stop the hypocrisy already, would you?

The man said his wife wasn't comfortable with his brother staying around, this he noticed through her actions and inactions and being a wise man, he had to send his brother packing by processing his visa, in retaliation he banned his wife's relatives from coming since she doesn't want anyone around.

You now remember there is something called communication and mutual respect, why didn't his wife remembered this when he made his house uncomfortable for his brother while her own family had a field day in their home.

JONNYSPUTE You are a man and I love your policies.

crackkhaus:
The real question most of you ladies should be asking yourselves is this:
Why is it that anytime the topic of live-in relatives is brought up, it's always the females who are more against it 95% - 5%...every damn time.

That should tell you all that is needed to know, and that's what? That something is inherently wrong with a lot of you psychologically - I'm not even trying to be funny or biased, it's just an observation.
The problem is y'all actually think you're normal, so no chance of engaging parallel thinking.

This possessive spirit of me and my husband alone, I honestly don't know where you people got it from.
Africans (more specifically, Nigerians) have always lived a communal lifestyle when it comes to family, so I don't quite understand if it's modernization or some sort of western influence that has made a lot of women become so suspicious & weary of extended family in their homes.

Some of you will even start quoting scriptures of how a man shall leave his father and mother yada yada yada... forming Christians out of thin air, when we know that you don't even know where to find the book of Obadiah in the Bible without looking at the index.

It's a typical case of trying to be more white than the white man, na wetin dey worry una.
Deep mental fuckery...

You are right. And it's because it's not the man that cares for these relatives when they come. Neither is he the one who is put under criticism or high expectations.

Imagine me going to the market with stitches after delivery even if I had my mum inlaw and 2 sisters inlaw around for omugwo.

Do you think I would want her to come next time I put to bed? No way! If it were my own younger siblings, I would have been able to scold them properly or tell them to leave my house since they were not useful to me. The relatives themselves are not innocent.

Belafonte:


Have you seen my exchange with Ishilove on that thread?

Your question promoted me to go look for it, but yea, I have seen it.

Vyolet:

Go back to my comment and read my opinion on couples and relatives and stop writing nonsense here.

I honestly don't get why the independent minded thing got to you this bad. Is there something you are not saying? Oh, like I mentioned earlier, you ain't ready.

Yes it did.
Anytime financially dependent women like yourself who believe men should take care of them still have the guts to call themselves independent, it burns my sensibilities...it so burns

It's an insult to truly independent women who walk their talk.

PrimadonnaO:


LOOL! Okay now, you want to start calling me out every goddamn time?

Let me just be frank. My orientation about these things are quite different. I'm no longer sure what feminism is, so I don't identify as one. I champion equal social and economic rights (if Peter and I are on the same level at work, pay us the same amount of money, don't tell me to keep quiet in a gathering because it's men who are talking, or to relegate my prefered seat ina vehicle because the contender is a man) for both male and female, but even then I don't believe men and women are the same in all ways, and suited for everything...plus I don't believe that kind of ideology should be the norm in a HOME, it distorts the Christian teachings I live by. What I want from my husband is respect me, love me, be understanding, caring and considerate.

I will not marry a man like OP Sylvester. Lol. Why the hell are you dropping a 50% bill on my laps? Just go and marry yourself already. To begin with, I'm not even a wedding person at all. I don't attend... neither do I look forward to having one. Y'all erroneously think it's all ladies who are crazy about weddings. The men are, too! They want their bragging rights. So at the very point we're getting married, if it comes to a wedding, you already know I'm having a wedding just to make you happy... and for both our sakes, we must work within a specific budget, not some extravagant nonsense. But don't drop bills on my laps. There's nothing sweet about that. I'll contribute where I deem necessary, but don't impose it on me.
What I earn is to support the home and assist him, ... to step in as an interim primary provider should there be tough times, not to be splitting bills 50/50 every step of the way

This was actually a really good read, at least you're honest and not calling yourself independent...unlike some people up there.

ImaIma1:


You are right. And it's because it's not the man that cares for these relatives when they come. Neither is he the one who is put under criticism or high expectations.

Imagine me going to the market with stitches after delivery even if I had my mum inlaw and 2 sisters inlaw around for omugwo.

Do you think I would want her to come next time I put to bed? No way! If it were my own younger siblings, I would have been able to scold them properly or tell them to leave my house since they were not useful to me. The relatives themselves are not innocent.

I think you've shared this experience before, and I admit they were very insensitive to put you through that.

But this kind of situation is quite extremely rare.
Care to share what led to that behaviour from them?

crackkhaus:

Yes it did.
Anytime financially dependent women like yourself who believe men should take care of them still have the guts to call themselves independent, it burns my sensibilities...it so burns

It's an insult to truly independent women who walk their talk.

I just observed you hardly understand things, it's not my fault.

I'm responsible for what i type while you are responsible for how you perceive me, i got nothing to prove to you.
If you try to read me by my posts which is where you deduced I'm dependent you will remain on a long thing. However, you shouldn't be bothered if i am dependent on a man financially or independent, its actually not your business.

crackkhaus:

I think you've shared this experience before, and I admit they were very insensitive to put you through that.

But this kind of situation is quite extremely rare.
Care to share what led to that behaviour from them?

what is extremely rare? this particular situation happens every damn time, it's common, very common. matrons during post natal emphasize and always talk about this,because they have seen and heard what women go through when they put to bed from their in laws all in the name of 'omugwo'.

this topic has long been over dragged, you men speak like you don't know what women go through in the hands of in laws

talking about house helps?if the in laws are of help and cordial to the woman,then it's ok.not that they will come and raise both legs for the woman and still expect her to carry her newborn baby/come home tired from work and cook, clean and serve.

men should talk to their relatives too and not just seat and watch their wives turn slaves. most women that don't want in laws for a long time in their homes knows what they want to avoid

Sanchez01:

I was enjoying your submission until I got to this. This is wrong in every aspect and one of the major reasons for intolerance on the part of some men.

The idea of live-in relatives should not be one sided just because you've known your family since the time of creation. I personally think any woman who conveniently accommodates her family in her home but has issues with her husband's relatives visiting or coming over is wicked, insensitive and selfish.

A man's family should be the woman's and the woman's, the man's family. Anything short of this, particularly where one is unfair is witchcraft.

During a recent counselling class of mine, the counsellor said and I quote: 'there is no mother-in-law' anywhere.' I felt it after he finished with us because it dawned on me people only see what belong to them as theirs alone and what belong to the other as the other's, yet claim to be one and married.

There wouldn't be problems if you see your in-laws the way you see your family. If you cook for your family in your home and not grudgingly do the dishes, then why should that of your husband's family come with 'who is attending to everybody's needs?'

I love reading your comments. I wish I could write like you.

Vyolet:

[s]I just observed you hardly understand things, it's not my fault.

I'm responsible for what i type while you are responsible for how you perceive me, i got nothing to prove to you.
If you try to read me by my posts which is where you deduced I'm dependent you will remain on a long thing. However, you shouldn't be bothered if i am dependent on a man financially or independent, its actually not your business.[/s]

Yada yada yada

crackkhaus:

Wow, we were actually typing the same thing at the same time using China as an example.. amazing..

See this is how I know people who are truly exposed about world issues. Not like a lot of these ones whose every behaviour is designed to be American-like or British-like because they know nothing else.

You are always spot on bro. The one thing that amaze me about these foreign lifestyles that our women copy is that the core westerners not British and Americans still maintain a close knitted family circle. They don’t joke with it, Italians and Russians and some other Europeans are just like us. They know the essence of it. Yes, we know that’s some siblings are troublesome and never do well, but that can never change who we are as Africans, women should learn to live with that

rain21:

what is extremely rare? this particular situation happens every damn time, it's common, very common. matrons during post natal emphasize and always talk about this,because they have seen and heard what women go through when they put to bed from their in laws all in the name of 'omugwo'.

this topic has long been over dragged, you men speak like you don't know what women go through in the hands of in laws

talking about house helps?if the in laws are of help and cordial to the woman,then it's ok.not that they will come and raise both legs for the woman and still expect her to carry her newborn baby/come home tired from work and cook, clean and serve.

men should talk to their relatives too and not just seat and watch their wives turn slaves. most women that don't want in laws for a long time in their homes knows what they want to avoid

If your own mother has not acted that way to her DILs or your MIL has not acted that way to you, then you've got nothing to say about it being normal.

As you can see, I took ImaIma's post to heart because it's her own personal experience and it's hurtful. It's not something any woman in my family (nuclear/extended) and social circle can do.. so it's absolutely rare to me.
Perhaps if you have such in your family, then just say so instead of basing your opinion on what you heard.