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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Couples and Live-in Relatives (9265 Views)
My Parents And Other Relatives Are Making Me Go Crazy / Anambra Widow Sleeps Outside After She Was Thrown Out Of Her Home By Relatives / How Do I Stop My Relatives From Disturbing Me? (2) (3) (4)
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Re: Couples and Live-in Relatives by TheArchangel(f): 1:04pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
24kmagic:It is a man's world last century, can't say the same this present time even Nigeria is already caught up in the mass awareness and literacy towards gender rights. Just a matter of time. No wonder Northern Nigerian is what it is, your beloved northern girls are already warming up with their knives. Do anyhow and get dismembered into bits as they cannot take your bullshits anymore. 4 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Couples and Live-in Relatives by xendra: 1:40pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
Michellekabod2:it has everything to do with desperation. if you don't like something state it early don't keep it till you are married because you are afraid he will leave you. did you even read the both posts well before you mentioned me because what you wrote here is kind off |
Re: Couples and Live-in Relatives by bukatyne(f): 1:46pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
Belafonte: If you can't be discerning enough to marry a woman who would stand by you, it is your loss. My family has been there for me for, my husband has also and will continually be there for me. Going through all the threads on in-laws, people are scared to truly embrace their spouses because they are not sure of their commitment to them. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Couples and Live-in Relatives by Nobody: 1:48pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
xendra:I did read the post well. The choice of a woman didn't matter in your post,you just concluded that any lady that allows it is desperate,forgetting ladies differ in their preferences . (correct me if I am wrong on this). Anyway, I agree with you on that discussion before marriage part. I believe divorce and marital crisis will be lesser if couples genuinely discuss how they want their homes to be before marriage. I used genuinely because a lot of people lie and pretend. Have a nice day. 1 Like |
Re: Couples and Live-in Relatives by 24kmagic: 1:48pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
TheArchangel: I don't know what you mean by northern Nigeria been the way it is. I'm not from the core north, but l assure you where you come from is not in any way better than those core northern states you so hate. About northern woman killing their husbands.... I will refer you to this thread. https://www.nairaland.com/5668508/wife-batters-husband-over-inability She's an ibo woman, north a nothern woman. It won't be long before she kills that impotent boy. This is to tell you that when it comes to domestic violence, It's not about where you come from, it's about the particular individual. Finally, we have more successful marriages in where I come from far more than where you come from. You know why? Because we know the ethics of marriage. We don't copy whites, we simply do us! 1 Like |
Re: Couples and Live-in Relatives by PrimadonnaO(f): 1:59pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
JONNYSPUTE: No, y'all are the ones getting defensive. So you go back and read the post again. But then again, do you know the meaning of "staying over?" You realise it means a sleep over, right?. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Couples and Live-in Relatives by bukatyne(f): 2:09pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
JONNYSPUTE: You stated made conclusions on your observations without knowing what transpired between your wife and brother? 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Couples and Live-in Relatives by JONNYSPUTE(m): 2:14pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
PrimadonnaO:..Madam it's all shades of wrong for a wife to endorse the visiting,staying over, sleeping over of her wards and frown when the husband's relatives does same.My own is that if you don't want my people then I don't want yours. If you re ok with that,then I'm good to go .Have a nice day 8 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Couples and Live-in Relatives by PrimadonnaO(f): 2:14pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
Sanchez01: I'd expect that you would have read everything carefully. And I'm only replying this because it is you. So, first of all, where in that post did you read that hubby's relatives are not allowed to visit ot stay over? And in that very particular point you highlighted, I knew to state that I was playing the devil's advocate, meaning I was merely considering what it feels like for some women. And it is important that everyone is conscious of the fact that living with people involves tolerance on both sides. While you're regarding and treating them as family, are they treating you in the same way? So, if a woman has to be catering and caring for the needs of people who still see her as an outsider, who have come with a truckload of entitlement, do you expect it would be a ride in the park? Having said all of that, did you note that I ended by categorically stating that should a relative still end up living with you, the least you can do is to be accommodating and loving? Sometimes, people read and react because they feel affronted by the message. When I say the things that I say, I try to be objective, and consider other perspectives. When I'm relating it to myself, I very clearly indicate that. What's funny is that, I grew up with live-in relatives, and my most recent relationship has got me appreciating the beauty of a closely-knit family... one that you easily take as yours. But that doesn't mean I don't realise not everyone has it that way... or the potential pitfalls that may arise from such an arrangement in different circumstances. At end of the day, it really is different strokes for different folks. |
Re: Couples and Live-in Relatives by JONNYSPUTE(m): 2:18pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
bukatyne:. Yes I did because I know there was no issues between them. If there was,she would have told me of it either when the issue arosed or when I was narrating what I noticed to her. But she never did. So why would I assume there was issue? I simply helped her to enjoy her home without any relative interference. How is it an offence? 6 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Couples and Live-in Relatives by bukatyne(f): 2:18pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
Sanchez01: @bold: I very well agree. I fact, this is my mantra which is what I explained in one thread. And I am a rights and responsibilities person. The problem now arises when the in-laws (on husband's and wife's sides) do not know what their responsibilities are in the house or do not make themselves useful or see themselves as visitors (which is more prevailment from the in-laws on the husband's side). Not to say the wife's family are saintly however, they are more cautious because they do not 'want to ruin their sister's home' thingy. We also do not buy the idea of extended stay on either side however can be accommodated on a case by case basis. 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Couples and Live-in Relatives by nahzyla: 2:20pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
Michellekabod2: Show me EXACTLY where I advocated for no visitors. Bring the quote. |
Re: Couples and Live-in Relatives by Nobody: 2:25pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
nahzyla:live-in visitors(relatives of the couple) I mean |
Re: Couples and Live-in Relatives by nahzyla: 2:27pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
JONNYSPUTE: Who on earth is being emotional? I asked you if you discussed the issue of your bro with your wife before banning visitors, you said no, that you already somehow read her mind to know she wasn't comfortable with him because she doesn't like your family around. You didn't think maybe it's because of something your brother did to inconvenience her, no, you just went ahead to ban visitors without discussing with her. I said the better thing to do next time was talk to her and be sure before drawing conclusions. What's so hard to understand about that? 1 Like |
Re: Couples and Live-in Relatives by JONNYSPUTE(m): 2:31pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
nahzyla:.. Hahahaha. It's paining you because I took the bull by the horn abi? She should be the one to tell me if my brother has disrespected her,but since she never complained of such,I did the needful so she can be all alone in her house to enjoy her husband. Is that an offence? Note,I didn't read her mind,I saw through her actions. 4 Likes |
Re: Couples and Live-in Relatives by crackkhaus: 2:37pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
Vyolet:You don't know what men expect after you do all that, maybe you should try it first if e easy or keep your contrary independent mindset inside the gutters of Timbuktu where they belong. No one is buying that false title from Nigerian women. |
Re: Couples and Live-in Relatives by crackkhaus: 2:40pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
JONNYSPUTE:That chic is funny.. she's trying to teach you how you should have related with your wife after the incident, someone whom you already know. As in, you should have gone to meet her and say baby, why were you giving my brother attitude, what did he do? Lmao.. Who something dey vex no dey talk abi 5 Likes |
Re: Couples and Live-in Relatives by nahzyla: 2:40pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
JONNYSPUTE: Lol@ it's paining me. When I told him he was dictatorial he started arguing. A good marriage is built on communication and mutual respect for each other feelings, not one sided decisions. |
Re: Couples and Live-in Relatives by crackkhaus: 2:44pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
Belafonte:Lol, I wasn't expecting any rebuttal from her honestly. There has only ever been two females here with an impressive expanded scope on world issues that could engage on diverse topics at ease - shollypops and mindfulness.. Dem don disappear from NL |
Re: Couples and Live-in Relatives by JONNYSPUTE(m): 2:47pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
crackkhaus:.. Hahahaha. The chic dey very funny.No mind her. |
Re: Couples and Live-in Relatives by TheArchangel(f): 2:48pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
24kmagic:Successful marriages Hilarious. You should've said you have a more potent cage system for your women |
Re: Couples and Live-in Relatives by crackkhaus: 2:49pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
Michellekabod2:Lmao.. you're preaching to the choir. Tell this to your sisters, not I. I've always said it here that feminism is a purely social issue and should not be taken into marriage, but witches said it's a lie. Is it not the gender role of a woman taking care of her husband's relatives that is the root cause of the problem on this thread? |
Re: Couples and Live-in Relatives by nahzyla: 2:49pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
Michellekabod2: Okay Where did I advocate for no live in visitors? |
Re: Couples and Live-in Relatives by bukatyne(f): 2:49pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
JONNYSPUTE: Good that you understood the perculiar issues and addressed them. |
Re: Couples and Live-in Relatives by Belafonte(m): 2:50pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
bukatyne: Well, if I’m not discerning enough, perhaps it is wise for me to place my trust in those who have proven trustworthy, is it not? Meanwhile, millions of divorced people could have sworn with their souls they chose the best person; time proved them wrong. People don’t know what to expect because history and statistics have shown that most people lie and these lies are only discovered down the line. Most people today, really do not want to get married but they do because they want children or they listen to society. 3 Likes |
Re: Couples and Live-in Relatives by nahzyla: 2:54pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
JONNYSPUTE: Later they will say women are the emotional illogical ones. If you have a daughter in future please marry her off to a mind reading man who makes decisions without hearing her own side of issues first, after all he will know what is in her mind because he lives with her. |
Re: Couples and Live-in Relatives by Belafonte(m): 2:54pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
crackkhaus: Im not so sure about Shollypops, but I understand what you mean Mindfulness is quite open minded even though she can be a troll atimes. |
Re: Couples and Live-in Relatives by PrimadonnaO(f): 2:54pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
JONNYSPUTE: You're doing "gbas gbos" in your marriage. LOL! |
Re: Couples and Live-in Relatives by crackkhaus: 2:56pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
Belafonte:Lol, I wonder what even made the latter one deactivate. She don tire to talk about Germany finally |
Re: Couples and Live-in Relatives by JONNYSPUTE(m): 2:56pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
bukatyne:.My dear in marriage, wisdom is required to forge ahead. You can also agree with me that if I had not taken such actions,she wouldn't be clamouring for my parents to come stay with us for sometime. 1 Like |
Re: Couples and Live-in Relatives by JONNYSPUTE(m): 2:58pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
PrimadonnaO:.. No my dear. That simple action I took made her to change her ideology towards my relatives.I use Wisdom not too much talk.Or maybe you were expecting I go down on my knees to start begging her to accept my bro? Funny. 2 Likes |
Re: Couples and Live-in Relatives by nahzyla: 2:59pm On Feb 07, 2020 |
JONNYSPUTE:Even you cannot bring it the place I advocated for no live-in visitors. You are the confused one. |
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