24kmagic:
All these things you wrote up there will only work in southern Nigeria. Come to central north and southern Kaduna and try this nonsense, your marriage will fold up before it even begins.

If you can't find a way to accommodate your husband's relatives for as long as they want to stay, I promise you, you will be a serial divorcee.
Because you'll keep having issues with husband relatives in whichever family you marry.

I don't know the kind of training they give girls in southern Nigeria but you dare not try it here.
I've always wanted to marry from south south or south east. But after joining nairaland two years ago and seeing relationship and marriage threads, I rather stick to our girls here.

I will marry an educated girl from here cos no matter how educated and exposed she is, she knows that "woman na woman.

One even said she doesn't like her brother in-law dipping hand in her pot of soup hahahaha. I mean, wtf is that? If I ever find myself in that situation (God forbid) and the girl confronts me, I will leave that house first thing the next morning, your husband sure knows what will follow after that.

9ja girls, all these your westernisation agenda will not thrive here. We are blacks and blacks shall we remain. Wonder why the west have high rate of divorce? Their idea about marriage and family is whack. The whites ought to learn about marriage from us cos they've been divorcing right from the days of Judas Iscariot. As long as you want to copy them, we'll keep on reading divorce stories on front page

If as a girl you are lucky to come from a family where your father and mother have been living/lived together for 35+ years, ask your mum how she did it.

Don't tell me times have changed.


Woman na woman.

Lastly, IT'S A MAN'S WORLD, WOMEN SHOULD LEARN HOW TO DEAL WITH IT

It is a man's world last century, can't say the same this present time even Nigeria is already caught up in the mass awareness and literacy towards gender rights. Just a matter of time.

No wonder Northern Nigerian is what it is, your beloved northern girls are already warming up with their knives.
Do anyhow and get dismembered into bits as they cannot take your bullshits anymore.

Michellekabod2:

Has nothing to do with desperation. I will love my family around. All this should be discussed before marriage. I will love my family to come around whenever they wish if it's convenient for us,whether he likes it or not.

If he brings his family,am fine with it too.

No man separates me physically from my family,I also wouldn't separate him physically from his family

it has everything to do with desperation.

if you don't like something state it early don't keep it till you are married because you are afraid he will leave you.

did you even read the both posts well before you mentioned me because what you wrote here is kind off

Belafonte:
My siblings have a proven record of being there for me in trying times. Face trying times in marriage and watch the woman who so “loves you” change overnight.

It’s the clowns marrying these dingbats I blame

If you can't be discerning enough to marry a woman who would stand by you, it is your loss.

My family has been there for me for, my husband has also and will continually be there for me.

Going through all the threads on in-laws, people are scared to truly embrace their spouses because they are not sure of their commitment to them.

xendra:
it has everything to do with desperation.

if you don't like something state it early don't keep it till you are married because you are afraid he will leave you.

did you even read the both posts well before you mentioned me

I did read the post well.
The choice of a woman didn't matter in your post,you just concluded that any lady that allows it is desperate,forgetting ladies differ in their preferences . (correct me if I am wrong on this).


Anyway, I agree with you on that discussion before marriage part. I believe divorce and marital crisis will be lesser if couples genuinely discuss how they want their homes to be before marriage.

I used genuinely because a lot of people lie and pretend.


Have a nice day.

TheArchangel:

It is a man's world last century, can't say the same this present time even Nigeria is already caught up in the mass awareness and literacy towards gender rights. Just a matter of time.

No wonder Northern Nigerian is what it is, your beloved northern girls are already warming up with their knives.
Do anyhow and get dismembered into bits as they cannot take your bullshits anymore.

I don't know what you mean by northern Nigeria been the way it is. I'm not from the core north, but l assure you where you come from is not in any way better than those core northern states you so hate.

About northern woman killing their husbands.... I will refer you to this thread. https://www.nairaland.com/5668508/wife-batters-husband-over-inability

She's an ibo woman, north a nothern woman. It won't be long before she kills that impotent boy.

This is to tell you that when it comes to domestic violence, It's not about where you come from, it's about the particular individual.

Finally, we have more successful marriages in where I come from far more than where you come from. You know why? Because we know the ethics of marriage.

We don't copy whites, we simply do us!

JONNYSPUTE:
.. Then go back and assimilate what you wrote again.Seems you are confused.

No, y'all are the ones getting defensive. So you go back and read the post again.

But then again, do you know the meaning of "staying over?" You realise it means a sleep over, right?.

JONNYSPUTE:
Do I blame any woman who doesn't want her in-laws to visit and stay over sometimes,? The answer is a big NO.

I blame the men that allowed such to ever happened in their home.

I think it's all part of insecurity on the women that made them always skeptical and uncomfortable whenever their laws visit.

I noticed that in our house once and i put a stop to it immediately.

How did I do it? When I noticed my wife was not comfortable because our last born came to stay with us before he traveled abroad.I never allowed my wife or my younger brother to suspect anything or start complaining,I simply hurried and get him his papers for him to leave.

When he left,I called my wife and narrated to her all what I noticed and the same day I put a stop to any of her siblings visiting us just for her to experience how it feels. I didn't even give her a chance to explain anything. Knowing fully well that her siblings can't do without visiting her,playing with our son then as their first grandchild,she found it very difficult to adapt.

I did it to the extent that even her parents can't visit us because I know that my own parents won't visit since they are in the village,so I do visit them.

By the time she noticed she couldn't stand it anymore because her siblings were always eager to come over but she keeps telling them no,so they started asking me and I told them what their sister did,they nearly finished her with words. She could not do anything other than crying and asking me to forgive her.

Though I ve no younger ones that visit again,she now begs my mum or Dad to come stay with us for a while.

As a man,be wise and know how to handle issues.

You stated made conclusions on your observations without knowing what transpired between your wife and brother?

PrimadonnaO:


No, y'all are the ones getting defensive. So you go back and read the post again.

But then again, do you know the meaning of "staying over?" You realise it means a sleep over, right?.

..Madam it's all shades of wrong for a wife to endorse the visiting,staying over, sleeping over of her wards and frown when the husband's relatives does same.My own is that if you don't want my people then I don't want yours. If you re ok with that,then I'm good to go .Have a nice day

Sanchez01:

I was enjoying your submission until I got to this. This is wrong in every aspect and one of the major reasons for intolerance on the part of some men.

The idea of live-in relatives should not be one sided just because you've known your family since the time of creation. I personally think any woman who conveniently accommodates her family in her home but has issues with her husband's relatives visiting or coming over is wicked, insensitive and selfish.

A man's family should be the woman's and the woman's, the man's family. Anything short of this, particularly where one is unfair is witchcraft.

During a recent counselling class of mine, the counsellor said and I quote: 'there is no mother-in-law' anywhere.' I felt it after he finished with us because it dawned on me people only see what belong to them as theirs alone and what belong to the other as the other's, yet claim to be one and married.

There wouldn't be problems if you see your in-laws the way you see your family. If you cook for your family in your home and not grudgingly do the dishes, then why should that of your husband's family come with 'who is attending to everybody's needs?'

I'd expect that you would have read everything carefully. And I'm only replying this because it is you.
So, first of all, where in that post did you read that hubby's relatives are not allowed to visit ot stay over? And in that very particular point you highlighted, I knew to state that I was playing the devil's advocate, meaning I was merely considering what it feels like for some women.

And it is important that everyone is conscious of the fact that living with people involves tolerance on both sides. While you're regarding and treating them as family, are they treating you in the same way? So, if a woman has to be catering and caring for the needs of people who still see her as an outsider, who have come with a truckload of entitlement, do you expect it would be a ride in the park?

Having said all of that, did you note that I ended by categorically stating that should a relative still end up living with you, the least you can do is to be accommodating and loving?

Sometimes, people read and react because they feel affronted by the message. When I say the things that I say, I try to be objective, and consider other perspectives. When I'm relating it to myself, I very clearly indicate that.
What's funny is that, I grew up with live-in relatives, and my most recent relationship has got me appreciating the beauty of a closely-knit family... one that you easily take as yours. But that doesn't mean I don't realise not everyone has it that way... or the potential pitfalls that may arise from such an arrangement in different circumstances.

At end of the day, it really is different strokes for different folks.

bukatyne:


You stated made conclusions on your observations without knowing what transpired between your wife and brother?

. Yes I did because I know there was no issues between them. If there was,she would have told me of it either when the issue arosed or when I was narrating what I noticed to her. But she never did. So why would I assume there was issue? I simply helped her to enjoy her home without any relative interference. How is it an offence?

Sanchez01:

I was enjoying your submission until I got to this. This is wrong in every aspect and one of the major reasons for intolerance on the part of some men.

The idea of live-in relatives should not be one sided just because you've known your family since the time of creation. I personally think any woman who conveniently accommodates her family in her home but has issues with her husband's relatives visiting or coming over is wicked, insensitive and selfish.

A man's family should be the woman's and the woman's, the man's family. Anything short of this, particularly where one is unfair is witchcraft.

During a recent counselling class of mine, the counsellor said and I quote: 'there is no mother-in-law' anywhere.' I felt it after he finished with us because it dawned on me people only see what belong to them as theirs alone and what belong to the other as the other's, yet claim to be one and married.

There wouldn't be problems if you see your in-laws the way you see your family. If you cook for your family in your home and not grudgingly do the dishes, then why should that of your husband's family come with 'who is attending to everybody's needs?'

@bold:

I very well agree.

I fact, this is my mantra which is what I explained in one thread.

And I am a rights and responsibilities person.

The problem now arises when the in-laws (on husband's and wife's sides) do not know what their responsibilities are in the house or do not make themselves useful or see themselves as visitors (which is more prevailment from the in-laws on the husband's side). Not to say the wife's family are saintly however, they are more cautious because they do not 'want to ruin their sister's home' thingy.

We also do not buy the idea of extended stay on either side however can be accommodated on a case by case basis.

Michellekabod2:
sis I don't understand you. At a time you are advocating for no visitors,and now the no visitors rule seems like dictatorship

Show me EXACTLY where I advocated for no visitors. Bring the quote.

nahzyla:


Show me EXACTLY where I advocated for no visitors. Bring the quote.

live-in visitors(relatives of the couple) I mean

JONNYSPUTE:
. Let's not be emotional here. Somebody doesn't want visitors in her home and I concur. What's the problem again? You ladies should always think twice before taking some decisions.

You can't be allowing your own siblings to visit while mine can't.

Who on earth is being emotional?
I asked you if you discussed the issue of your bro with your wife before banning visitors, you said no, that you already somehow read her mind to know she wasn't comfortable with him because she doesn't like your family around.
You didn't think maybe it's because of something your brother did to inconvenience her, no, you just went ahead to ban visitors without discussing with her.
I said the better thing to do next time was talk to her and be sure before drawing conclusions.

What's so hard to understand about that?

nahzyla:



Who on earth is being emotional?
I asked you if you discussed the issue of your bro with your wife before banning visitors, you said no, that you already somehow read her mind to know she wasn't comfortable with him because she doesn't like your family around.
You didn't think maybe it's because of something your brother did to inconvenience her, no, you just went ahead to ban visitors without discussing with her.
I said the better thing to do next time was talk to her and be sure before drawing conclusions.

What's so hard to understand about that?

.. Hahahaha. It's paining you because I took the bull by the horn abi? She should be the one to tell me if my brother has disrespected her,but since she never complained of such,I did the needful so she can be all alone in her house to enjoy her husband. Is that an offence? Note,I didn't read her mind,I saw through her actions.

Vyolet:

I laugh in my dialect.
Many Nigerian men would never leave a woman do all these, he will feel emasculated, every move from the woman would be termed "arrogance".

You can't eat your cake and have it, you want a woman to do all these and you still expect her to submit to you? You want a woman to take over the financial aspect of the relationship and you still want her be the home keeper?
Stoooppeett, confusion sometimes can be a disease, you want a woman to do things men do then you should begin to do things women do.

I can't be the one to propose to you, feed you, clothe you, sponsor your vacs, give you my body to toss around and you still expect me to take care of the home, you shouldn't be totally useless na.

You don't know what men expect after you do all that, maybe you should try it first if e easy or keep your contrary independent mindset inside the gutters of Timbuktu where they belong.

No one is buying that false title from Nigerian women.

JONNYSPUTE:
.. Hahahaha. It's paining you because I took the bull by the horn abi? She should be the one to tell me if my brother has disrespected her,but since she never complained of such,I did the needful so she can be all alone in her house to enjoy her husband. Is that an offence? Note,I didn't read her mind,I saw through her actions.

That chic is funny.. she's trying to teach you how you should have related with your wife after the incident, someone whom you already know.

As in, you should have gone to meet her and say baby, why were you giving my brother attitude, what did he do? Lmao..
Who something dey vex no dey talk abi

JONNYSPUTE:
.. Hahahaha. It's paining you because I took the bull by the horn abi? She should be the one to tell me if my brother has disrespected her,but since she never complained of such,I did the needful so she can be all alone in her house to enjoy her husband. Is that an offence? Note,I didn't read her mind,I saw through her actions.

Lol@ it's paining me. When I told him he was dictatorial he started arguing. A good marriage is built on communication and mutual respect for each other feelings, not one sided decisions.

Belafonte:

Yes na. You have gone out of her emotional context, nothing else matters. Imagine trying to argue with someone who prefers facts over feelings. Yet, imagine not loving them. What a bloody paradox

Lol, I wasn't expecting any rebuttal from her honestly.

There has only ever been two females here with an impressive expanded scope on world issues that could engage on diverse topics at ease - shollypops and mindfulness.. Dem don disappear from NL

crackkhaus:

That chic is funny.. she's trying to teach you how you should have related with your wife after the incident, someone whom you already know.

As in, you should have gone to meet her and say baby, why were you giving my brother attitude, what did he do? Lmao..
Who something dey vex no dey talk abi

.. Hahahaha. The chic dey very funny.No mind her.

24kmagic:


I don't know what you mean by northern Nigeria been the way it is. I'm not from the core north, but l assure you where you come from is not in any way better than those core northern states you so hate.

About northern woman killing their husbands.... I will refer you to this thread. https://www.nairaland.com/5668508/wife-batters-husband-over-inability

She's an ibo woman, north a nothern woman. It won't be long before she kills that impotent boy.

This is to tell you that when it comes to domestic violence, It's not about where you come from, it's about the particular individual.

Finally, we have more successful marriages in where I come from far more than where you come from. You know why? Because we know the ethics of marriage.

We don't copy whites, we simply do us!

Successful marriages
Hilarious. You should've said you have a more potent cage system for your women

Michellekabod2:
feminism means men and women should have equal rights(women can go to school,pursue career,take part in politics,equal work pay etc). Feminism doesnt interfere with masculinity/femininity or gender roles,these are left for the individuals to decide how to live their lives

Lmao.. you're preaching to the choir. Tell this to your sisters, not I.
I've always said it here that feminism is a purely social issue and should not be taken into marriage, but witches said it's a lie.

Is it not the gender role of a woman taking care of her husband's relatives that is the root cause of the problem on this thread?

Michellekabod2:
live-in visitors(relatives of the couple) I mean

Okay

Where did I advocate for no live in visitors?

JONNYSPUTE:
. Yes I did because I know there was no issues between them. If there was,she would have told me of it either when the issue arosed or when I was narrating what I noticed to her. But she never did. So why would I assume there was issue? I simply helped her to enjoy her home without any relative interference. How is it an offence?

Good that you understood the perculiar issues and addressed them.

bukatyne:


If you can't be discerning enough to marry a woman who would stand by you, it is your loss.

My family has been there for me for, my husband has also and will continually be there for me.

Going through all the threads on in-laws, people are scared to truly embrace their spouses because they are not sure of their commitment to them.

Well, if I’m not discerning enough, perhaps it is wise for me to place my trust in those who have proven trustworthy, is it not? Meanwhile, millions of divorced people could have sworn with their souls they chose the best person; time proved them wrong.

People don’t know what to expect because history and statistics have shown that most people lie and these lies are only discovered down the line. Most people today, really do not want to get married but they do because they want children or they listen to society.

JONNYSPUTE:
.. Hahahaha. The chic dey very funny.No mind her.

Later they will say women are the emotional illogical ones.

If you have a daughter in future please marry her off to a mind reading man who makes decisions without hearing her own side of issues first, after all he will know what is in her mind because he lives with her.

crackkhaus:

Lol, I wasn't expecting any rebuttal from her honestly.

There has only ever been two females here with an impressive expanded scope on world issues that could engage on diverse topics at ease - shollypops and mindfulness.. Dem don disappear from NL

Im not so sure about Shollypops, but I understand what you mean Mindfulness is quite open minded even though she can be a troll atimes.

JONNYSPUTE:
..Madam it's all shades of wrong for a wife to endorse the visiting,staying over, sleeping over of her wards and frown when the husband's relatives does same.My own is that if you don't want my people then I don't want yours. If you re ok with that,then I'm good to go .Have a nice day

You're doing "gbas gbos" in your marriage. LOL!

Belafonte:


Im not so sure about Shollypops, but I understand what you mean Mindfulness is quite open minded even though she can be a troll atimes.

Lol, I wonder what even made the latter one deactivate. She don tire to talk about Germany finally

bukatyne:


Good that you understood the perculiar issues and addressed them.

.My dear in marriage, wisdom is required to forge ahead. You can also agree with me that if I had not taken such actions,she wouldn't be clamouring for my parents to come stay with us for sometime.

PrimadonnaO:


You're doing "gbas gbos" in your marriage. LOL!

.. No my dear. That simple action I took made her to change her ideology towards my relatives.I use Wisdom not too much talk.Or maybe you were expecting I go down on my knees to start begging her to accept my bro? Funny.

JONNYSPUTE:
. She is confused.

Even you cannot bring it the place I advocated for no live-in visitors.
You are the confused one.